(One-Shot) Finding Myself (Part 1)
Title: Finding Myself
Characters: Yunho, Hankyung and Tiffany (SNSD)
Rating: PG-13
Plot: Yunho does what he must to keep his lover, but in the end he loses himself.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Everything was quiet and peaceful in that normal neighborhood in Seoul Korea. Nothing seemed amiss within the houses with the perfectly trimmed lawns and carefully maintained gardens.
A street lamp flickered as if intentionally trying to break the serene night, the light buzzing giving warning of an impending outage.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Somewhere, off in the distance, a forlorn dog barked its greeting to the moon, canine song echoing throughout the surrounding houses.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Everything seemed peaceful, as if the world was simply at ease. Crickets chirped their happy song to each other, natures hidden Mozarts of the night.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Sadly enough, as peaceful as the world outside seemed, there was always something to shatter it, something to silence the music.
Such an occurrence was taking place in a small, white house that matched the other designs to a T. The lawn was green and freshly trimmed, and everything had its place in that neat little yard and garden. It was almost as if the neatness was to cover-up the raging emotions hidden within that quaint house. It had once been a house of love and dreams, a place where two people intended to build a happy life together and raise their beautiful children. But, as happiness always does, it shattered like the frailest of glass sending dangerous shards careening through the air.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I fucking hate you!” The glass stand of a lamp was thrown to the ground, shattering and spraying chunks of glass across the hard-wood floor.
“You fucking marry me and then run off to some whore!” Anger burned hot in the small eyes of a Korean woman, her face contorted with rage. Just underneath that rage, however, was the obvious sign of her heartache and pain.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I can’t stand you anymore!” A man, presumably her husband, fired back, his voice edging into a yell. “You’re controlling and nosy!” His words were cruel, showing that he didn’t care if he hurt her all the more.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I’m controlling?” She fired back at him, hands searching for something else that she could throw or break in a sad attempt to smash her anger and pain. She knew it would do no good, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Yes!” He gripped his hair, eyes dark as he glared at her, “I don’t even know why I let people force me into marring you!” He shouted, tone dark with anger that mirrored that of his wife’s.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“That’s a good question! Why didn’t you marry your little whore?” There was a split-second of pause, the air between the two charged with hate and anger, “That’s right! You’re little whore is another man!” She swept her arm across the kitchen table, sending a vase full of dead flowers toppling to the floor.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Shut-up!” He shouted at her, not even flinching when dirty water sprayed against his pant-leg.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Oh! Does the truth bother you? Does it bother you that you go and have sex with someone of the same gender?” Tears were now trekking down her cheeks, eyes aflame with a look of hurt and anger.
“You are a disgusting faggot!” She screamed, moving forward and slapping him across the face.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Her words broke something inside of him, dissolving his control over his anger. He roughly grabbed the hand she’d slapped him with, fingers curling around the delicate wrist with a bruising strength, “don’t you dare call me a faggot, bitch!” He brought his other hand down across her face, his eyes burning hot with anger. He’d gone through so much, held back his anger and pain until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He lied his way into a marriage of show and pomp, hoping that something inside of him would change. But, nothing had, everything he wanted to deny about himself still remained, burning deep within his soul in a fight to remain.
He would curse the day he ever met his wife.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">=-----------Two Years Earlier-----------=
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Yunho-ah!” A female voice called, her smile apparent in her sing-song tone.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Omma!” Yunho turned, eyes filled with a fake smile as he watched his mother approach with a lithe female at her side. He could feel the dread building in his heart when his mother gave him a knowing smile, her eyes twinkling with a look of triumph. He wanted to run away so badly, to hide under a rock until his mother left him alone. However, he couldn’t do that…he couldn’t just turn away from the woman that had given him life. He scoffed at the thought of his life, a mere show of gentlemanly behavior to the people around him. Most people had never seen him lust after another man…most had never seen Yunho with a graceful figure gliding by his side into a dark room, both too masculine to be considered female. He couldn’t let anyone see that. Couldn’t let them know that he lived a darker life then they could ever imagine.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Yunho-ah, this is Tiffany.” His mother introduced the small female next to her as if she were some kind of rare trophy.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho found nothing pleasing in her dainty stance or eyes squinted with a large smile, these were not the features that would make his body crawl with lust. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Tiffany-sshi.” He greeted formally, bowing at the waist.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Her smile seemed to grow, if that was possible, as Yunho took her small hand in greeting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, too.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Her voice was soft, musical with a hint of underlying innocence. Yunho envied her in a sense…only because she seemed so carefree, as if she didn’t have the burden of knowing that her life was a total lie. She probably didn’t have that burden. No, everything from her short hair and pleated skirt screamed her innocence and purity.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“This is Park Soo-In’s daughter, Yunho-ah.” His mother cut in, wrinkled eyes crinkling softly as she smiled up at her son, “your appa did business with her family a few months ago.” She explained in a voice that was supposed to be casual. Obviously she was trying to set Yunho up with the personification of innocence.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho pitied the girl as much as he hated her; however, his thoughts flew out of his control when he saw a figure leaning against a wall, other party-goers shuffling around his lean frame as if they didn’t want to touch him. But who, in the that social circle, would want to touch a man wearing baggy jeans and a ripped shirt of a red checkered design?
Yunho, on the other, felt his hands itching to tangle themselves in the smaller man’s sandy-brown mop of hair. He found his mouth going dry as he thought of kissing that smirk off the others tilted lips.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Yunho? Yunho-ah!” He was jerked from his thoughts when he felt his mother tugging softly at his sleeve. He quickly turned his attention away from the other male, hoping his mother wouldn’t see where he’d been staring.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I’m sorry.” Yunho bowed, offering the two women before him an apologetic smile. He was itching to get away from them and into the arms of the other man.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Well then,” his mother began in a sly voice, “I’ll leave the two of you to talk.” She didn’t wait to hear anything from either one of them before she turned and moved back into the hub of expensively-clad partygoers.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Would you like a drink?” Yunho asked suddenly, trying to keep his voice from sounding too excited.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I would love one.” Tiffany responded with a glowing smile, her eyes squinting slightly as her mouth pulled upwards.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Why don’t you go wait for me over by the pool?” Yunho suggested, his hand coming out to rest on the small of her back as he pointed towards the pool area.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">She seemed slightly flustered by his closeness and easily agreed to wait for him at the designated spot.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho was thankful she was so easy to control.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Before he could even turn to begin to walk away he felt another person standing beside him, the musky smell of sweat and old cologne filling his senses. His body tingled.
“What do you think you’re doing here, Hankyung?” He question in a whisper as he turned to face the smirking man.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I heard your family was having a big shindig…I felt sad that I didn’t get invited.” His smirk leveled into a pout, his eyes of liquid-brown growing slightly larger as he spoke.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho noticed people staring, prying eyes trying to gauge the conversation he was having with the smaller male. “Why don’t you and I go inside?” He suggested, a grin plastered across his face as he gestured back towards the house with over-exaggerated movements.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Hankyung smiled at him for a moment, dark eyes sparkling with a knowing look before he turned on his heel and began to stride towards the house. “Yes, lets us retire to the house, my dear friend.” His voice was taunting, edging into a slightly louder voice than Yunho wanted him to use.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“You’re going to be the death of me.” Yunho growled, eyes narrowing despite the giddy feeling within the pit of his stomach. He glanced over his shoulder, making sure Tiffany wasn’t watching him make his way into the house.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Now tell me,” Hankyung began once the two had made it to Yunho’s room on the second floor, “what is it you want to discuss in private with me?” His voice was as playful as his tilted smirk and his eyes danced with a mischievous look as he eyed Yunho’s tense form.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Are you trying to get me in trouble?” Yunho growled, closing the distance between himself and the smaller male until he had Hankyung pinned against the beige wall.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Trouble sounds like fun.” Hankyung shot back, seemingly unfazed by Yunho’s closeness.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“You and your notions of fun.” Yunho sighed, his lips brushing lightly over the skin along Hankyung’s masculine jaw.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Yes, me and my notions of fun…peas-in-a-pod kinda relationship.” Hankyung chuckled slightly, nimble fingers dancing over the arch of Yunho’s muscled back.
“Ah, since it seems you only wanted to get me here to molest me,” Hankyung began, his head tilting back to allow Yunho’s lips more access, “let me bring up my reason from coming here.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho stilled, an odd feeling washing over him as he heard Hankyung speak. The smaller vixen had the power to control Yunho with a single word, and the heavy implications he seemed to place on those words, froze Yunho like a statue. He began to dread what was coming, even though he didn’t know what it was.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I’m going to be attending a two year ballet school.” His head cocked to the left slightly, an inquisitive look on his features as he gauged Yunho’s reaction.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Well that’s good.” Yunho smiled down at his smaller lover, the icy feeling of dread slowly washing away.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“The school is in China, Yunnie.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">His words shattered Yunho’s world, everything seeming to come crashing down around him as the word “China” echoed within his head over and over again.
“Why?” He couldn’t get anything else past the lump of pain in his throat.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Believe it or not, it is mutually beneficial for the both of us.” Hankyung stated easily, slender fingers dancing over Yunho’s broad shoulders.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I fail to see your logic.” Yunho growled, fighting back the stinging feel of tears. He would not cry in front of the man who could show such an indifferent font. He would not be the weak one in the relationship.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Ah, well…you have a pretty girl waiting for you with a completely enraptured heart, and I have a scholarship with my name on it. Think of it as a test. To see if I can still get you back after you’ve straightened out your crooked ways and taken a wife.” Hankyung arched a thin eyebrow, dark eyes seeming to hold a kind of challenging look.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I’m not willing to play games with my love for you.” Yunho stated firmly, face icing over as he stared at Hankyung. He didn’t want to be forced into doing something for the simple reason that Hankyung was interested in testing their relationship.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Not a game, Yunnie.” Hankyung returned in a dark voice, eyes suddenly serious, “you have no choice in the matter. I’m leaving for two years and when I come back, I expect to see you married.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“What kind of sick joke is this?” Yunho growled, his hands coming out to capture Hankyung’s shoulder and press him firmly against the wall.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I want to give you the chance the experience both sides of life Yunho. I won’t let you walk behind me blindly, telling yourself that this is the only way for you. Take this opportunity to make sure you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with me.” Hankyung’s voice held nothing but a pure challenge. A challenge that he knew Yunho’s prideful side wouldn’t be able to resist.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“So what, you want me to get married to someone I don’t love, just so that you can come back in two years and take me back?” Yunho growled, utterly confused by Hankyung’s logic. More than anything, Yunho was worried about Hankyung leaving for two years. The fact that he was almost agreeing to break Tiffany’s heart didn’t matter to him. He was worried about what he would do if Hankyung found someone else. The flighty male was oftentimes hard to control, and Yunho had a difficult time just keeping Hankyung by his side.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Exactly.” Hankyung responded simply, eyes falling back into the twinkling look of mischief.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“What about you? What if you find someone else?” Yunho breathed, trying not to let his insecurities and worries show through on his question.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I won’t be looking, but if fate should happen to give me someone better than you -which I doubt could happen- then I’ll see where things go. I’m not willing to rush into things here, Yunnie-ah.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“If I say no?” Yunho growled, eyebrows arching in challenge.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Then I leave you for good, Yunho.” Hankyung shot back without missing a beat, his own eyebrows arching to mirror the look on Yunho’s face.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho was faced with a decision he didn’t want to make. Would he let Hankyung go for two years while he married a woman he didn’t love? Or would he turn away the plan that would break more than one heart, and simply tell Hankyung to hit the road.
It seemed that his choices were two years without Hankyung, or forever without Hankyung. The latter option didn’t really seem like an option at all.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Fine,” Yunho breathed, a sigh edging that single word, “I’ll do things your way.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Good boy.” Hankyung chuckled softly, his eyes gleaming with a triumphant look. “Now, I want you to marry that girl down there.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Why her?” Yunho questioned softly, his lips now running softly against Hankyung’s smooth cheek.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Firstly, because she looks like she could use a good heartbreak, and secondly, you two look cute together.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho sighed, all the fight leaving his body as he rested his head against Hankyung’s shoulder, “when do you leave for China?” He asked softly, praying that it wouldn’t be for another week or so.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Ah, four hours or so.” Hankyung stated easily, hands smoothing lightly over Yunho’s back.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Four hours!” Yunho exploded, pushing himself away from Hankyung so he could stand and give the other male an incredulous stare. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” He found himself nearly shouting, the idea of losing Hankyung so soon was shattering his heart.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I figured it wouldn’t be as hard on you if everything just happened suddenly. Kinda numb from the shock…or something.” Hankyung explained in a pacifying voice, dark eyes steady as he stared at Yunho.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“So you’re leaving for China in four hours? You want me to get married and then see if you can win me back after two years?” Yunho questioned in a strained voice, wondering if he’d heard the lithe male’s words correctly.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Exactly.” Hankyung nearly purred, his eyes alight with an excited gleam.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“You’re serious?” Yunho breathed, giving Hankyung defeated look. He knew that he would do most anything to keep Hankyung close to him, even if it meant getting into a loveless marriage.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Oh yes, I’m very serious.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Fine, but you had better come back to me, Hankyung.” Yunho growled, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the other male.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Oh, don’t worry…I intend to come back here, Yunnie-ah.” The older male purred with a soft smirk.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“You better.”
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">=------Six Months Later------=
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“It’s almost time, Yunho-ah.” Jung Yunho’s father informed him as he walked into the room Yunho was waiting in.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho lifted his eyes from his reflection and turned slightly to stand before his father. He wanted so badly to down a few stiff drinks before he was forced to stand at that alter and marry a woman he didn’t love; however, he knew he couldn’t, not when it would ruin the perfectly fake image he’d set before his fiancé and parents.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Are you ready for your big day, Yunho-ah?” His father questioned in a gruff voice, age-hardened eyes glowing with approval.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho wanted to get away , to reverse time and return to a place where he was happily holding his lover. But, he was stuck here, unable to get out of this marriage without first letting go of Hankyung.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Yunho smiled at his father, forcing the grin to spread into his dark eyes.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I’m proud of you son.” Mr.Jung came forward and gripped Yunho’s left shoulder, “I know I don’t tell you enough, but you really have turned into a respectable son.” His father looked on the verge of tears, a soft smile pulling at his thin lips.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yunho knew he should have felt sick, should have felt ashamed at his father’s proud words. But, he felt none of that, didn’t feel that guilt eating away at his heart. He felt only anger and frustration at being trapped within a position that he didn’t want to be in.
“I’m glad to make you proud, Appa.” Yunho responded in a voice of forced emotion.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“Well, we had better get out there.” Yunho’s father smiled at his son, his pride obvious in his wrinkled stare.
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“I guess so.” Yunho responded, returning his father’s smile with one of his own.
Little did Yunho know that that day would be the beginning of his worst years of life.
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A/N: I think I'm making my one-shots way too long. The fact that I have to have two parts to this is rather sad.