Soul's Requiem (Chapter 21)
He is in the dark, the air around him is dewy and leaves a slight residue on his skin. The air feels cold as he pulls it into his body, chill-bumps spreading down his arms as the temperature seems to drop.
He’s walking forward, moving with confidant steps, as if the surrounding darkness hardly bothers him. He hears whispered words echoing all around him, ricocheting off some invisible wall or barrier.
Then he hears it clearly, as if someone is right up against him, speaking his name into his ear.
“Changmin.”
He steps to the left, away from the voice, his eyes pinned determinedly to the spot of light that seems to be so far away. He can see the outline of a person standing there, and he knows that the other person is waiting for him. He doesn’t’ know who it is, just that he needs to be there.
“Changmin.”
The voice sounds again, this time on his left. He tries to shrug it off, but when he feels clammy fingers encircle his wrist, he loses his control and bakes out into a run, jerking his arm free.
Time is running out, he has to get to the other figure now.
He can feel the his feet pounding against the hard surface beneath him; he can feel the jolt of each impact running up the length of his legs..
“Please, Changmin.”
He redoubles his efforts, ignoring the stitch that is developing in his side as he continues to run. He is so close now; the light growing stronger, yet seeming to chase away none of the darkness around him. His throat burns from the cold air and he feels as if he’s been stabbed in the abdomen. He can’t bring himself to stop, he’s so close.
He can see the figure more clearly now, just a blotch of black on a canvas of white light.
He reaches out his hand, fingers curling around the empty air.
He opens his mouth to call out, voice blocked by the lump of emotion in his throat.
Then, something changes and he comes up short, breathing labored as he sees another figure appear. Taller, leaner…deadly.
A sense of dread settles over his body and he tries to move forward, only to find himself held securely in place by restraints around his waist and arms.
No.
“Run! Get out of there!” He screams into the darkness, jerking against whatever bonds hold him in place.
“Get out!” He doesn’t know if the figure can hear him, but he can’t help but yell his warnings across the stretch of darkness that separates them.
Suddenly everything changes and he’s left disoriented, mind spinning as he crashes against a solid surface.
His first thought is that he’s fallen to the ground, but when he opens his eyes he finds himself staring down at the figures he’d been trying to reach.
The second figure is still shrouded in darkness…but the first one…no. The light spills around his body, glittering off of his raven hair and seeming to set his white clothing aglow.
He turns his head slightly, looking at the shadowy figure next to him. He seems unafraid, just curious.
“Jaejoong! Run away!” Changmin screams from his spot on the ceiling. He doesn’t care how crazy it is that he’s strapped to the ceiling, even though he’d been running moments before.
He feels his heart nearly stop in his chest when he sees shadowy wisps extending from the darkness, making their way towards Jaejoong.
Jaejoong seems unaware of the invading darkness, his gaze pinned solely on the figure before him. It appears as if he hasn’t heard Changmin’s command to run
Everything seems to slow for Changmin as he watches the smoke-like wisps come out and hover just behind Jaejoong, like a lion stalking its prey.
Changmin’s jerking against his invisible bounds now, his screams tearing at his throat as he bellows into the darkness.
The shadowy figure glances up slightly, Jaejoong’s gaze following until he spots Changmin. A bright smile immediately lights up his face as he turns to fully face Changmin, head tilted all the way back.
“Watch out behind you, Jaejoong!” Changmin screams, tears falling from his eyes as his panic grows and begins to strangle him slightly.
Then it happens. The figure melts back into the shadows and Jaejoong’s smile is shattered when the shadows ensnare him and jerk him roughly back into the darkness. All Changmin hears is the other male’s sudden gasp of surprise. And then he’s falling, racing towards the dark ground beneath him.
Changmin jerked awake with a strangled cry, his body feeling chilled and damp, as if the dewy are from his dream still lingered on his skin.
“Changmin?”
He startled slightly, heart jumping into his throat as he felt a cold hand griping his wrist. Well that explained that.
“What are you doing here, Junsu?” Changmin breathed as he reached over and switched on his lamp, taking a moment to squint against the bright light.
“I felt lonely.” He stated as he absently picked at a loose thread on the black comforter. His hair was tousled slightly and he was only wearing a loose fitting pair of flannel pants.
Changmin bit his lip slightly, fighting off the angry words that were pressing to get out. He was still disoriented from his dream, part of him still feeling as if Jaejoong really had been jerked so suddenly into the shadows. Was he too late?
“Come on, Junsu, I’ll take you back to bed.” Changmin sighed as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and began to pull the tangled covers out from around his legs. That’s when he remembered that he was only wearing boxers.
“Huh, why don’t you wait outside the door for me?” He questioned as he turned a slightly comical look on Junsu.
“No.” Junsu breathed as he reached out and twined his arms around Changmin’s waist. “I miss you.” He breathed, hot breath ghosting over Changmin’s exposed abdomen. “Every since I started taking that medicine, I’ve been remembering things that I always wanted to forget.” Junsu rested his head on Changmin’s shoulder and had somehow managed to position them so that he was nearly on top of the other male.
Changmin wasn’t quite sure how to take this sudden display from Junsu. Other than being able to hold an intelligent conversation and not talking to inanimate objects, not much had changed for Junsu now that he was taken the medication. Well…nothing had changed for the better. He’d started having night terrors about three nights ago.
Changmin, knowing nothing about night terrors, had assumed that he could simply go and shake the other male awake. That had earned him a fist in the jaw and a fresh wave of ear shattering screams from Junsu. Hankyung had then been kind enough to let him know that trying to wake someone up from a night terror was basically pointless.
“What is it that’s bothering you, Junsu.” Changmin asked as he brought up a hesitant hand and let it rest on the exposed skin of Junsu’s back. His fingers began to tingle.
“I remember people raping me.” The words wavered slightly, the evidence that the other boy was on the verge of breaking into tears. “I remember being tied to beds and having hands all over my body.”
He felt sick at the other male’s words. Changmin wasn’t even sure if he wanted to hear that story or not. It didn’t take a genius to understand that Junsu had lived through a very traumatic life.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, Junsu.” He just told himself that he was saying that for Junsu’s sake, not his own.
“Do you want me to stop talking?” Junsu shifted his head so his chin was resting lightly on Changmin’s shoulder, his eyes large with a look of slight sadness.
Changmin felt his gut twist at the sight, a guilty wave washing over him as he turned his attention to the comforter around his waist. “I only want you to talk, if you feel like talking to me, Junsu.” He nearly whispered the words as he let his hand run soothingly down the other male’s back.
There was long pause before…
“I don’t want to take the medication anymore.” Junsu’s bottom lip quivered as he spoke, a large tear already trekking down his left cheek. “Please don’t make me take it.”
Changmin sat in baffled silence for a moment, unsure if he’d actually heard the other boy correctly. “Junsu, that medicine makes you better.” He really didn’t know what else to say. That medication was making Junsu better, yet the boy wanted to go back to talking to walls and stealing people’s shoes while Changmin wasn’t looking.
“But it’s making me remember things I don’t want to.” The tears were falling in earnest, Junsu’s face scrunched up as the first sob shook his thin shoulders. “I can’t go to sleep without seeing things from my past. Terrible things that scare me.” His grip tightened on Changmin and his nestled his head into the crook of the other male’s neck, a few more sobs shaking his frame.
Changmin felt his eyes smart at the display, his eyelids fluttering downwards a few times at the sudden burn of tears in his eyes. He hadn’t cried since…
He let that thought trail off. He’d cried in the shower a few days after he’d found out about Donghae’s betrayal. He cried because he hadn’t seen anything. He cried because he didn’t save Jaejoong. He cried because he really had loved Donghae.
“I know you don’t want to remember any of this, Junsu. But in the end, it’s what’s best for you. You can live a normal life with me and Jaejoong when he gets back. I swear to you that I won’t ever leave you Junsu. I swear.
“I miss Boa.”
Changmin blinked his eyes a few times, utter disbelief welling in his gut. Boa? Really? Was that what he got after making such an emotional promise to the other boy? Why was it always Boa? When he was sad, happy, angry…everything was Boa. What the hell had she done to get Junsu’s undying loyalty?
“Do you want to go back to the Jungs?” Changmin hadn’t meant for his words to come out so clipped and waspish, and he refused to let himself believe that he might be the slightest bit jealous that Junsu preferred Boa over him.
Junsu lifted his head and analyzed Changmin for a long moment. “I didn’t say I wanted the Jungs. I just miss Boa. She was more of a mother to me that anyone else in my life ever was.”
Mother? He felt placated for some reason. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He breathed as he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the top of Junsu’s head. He hadn’t even realized that kissing Junsu’s head was becoming a rather bad habit of his. It was just that the smaller male’s head was at the perfect height for kissing.
“It’s okay.” Junsu just managed to get the words out before he was overcome with a large yawn, his eyes crinkling and mouth opening wide. He looked adorable.
“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” Changmin found himself asking out of the blue. He wasn’t really sure where it had come from, but he was just going to tell himself that he didn’t want the other male to feel alone.
“You don’t mind?” Junsu questioned, already positioning himself on the bed in a more comfortable position.
“Not at all.” Changmin assured before he reached over and clicked off the light, sending the room back into darkness.
Somehow, when he couldn’t see Junsu, the points where their bodies connected began to tingle slightly, as if his skin had become hypersensitive in the dark.
The younger male shifted slightly and let his head rest on Changmin’s chest, a soft sigh echoing through the room before they both fell into silence.
For the first time in weeks, Changmin felt relaxed and slightly less worried.
=--------------------------------------------=
Jaejoong was trying not to cry. He really was. But what else was he supposed to do when he awoke in the infirmary, his hand heavily bandaged and his body weak from loss of blood?
His nightmares had been plagued with scenes of his other body parts getting cut off. In one particularly nasty one, Yunho had cut off his legs and arms whilst smiling like the happiest man on earth.
Jaejoong shivered at the thought of Yunho, mixed feelings washing through his body as he debated whether or not he was going to blame the other male for what had happened. Yunho was a prisoner, just like him, but if the Jungs hadn’t kidnapped Jaejoong in the first place, none of this would have been happening. So did that give him ground to blame Yunho? Jaejoong sniffed slightly and wiped the tears from his eyes with his good hand, his gaze moving about the sterile, white room for the hundredth time. The room was rather simply adorned, with around ten gurneys lining the walls and a few large medicine cabinets that were just as white as the rest of the room. It was very empty for a infirmary.
The door clicked open and Jaejoong felt his heart start to race. He let his head fall back onto the soft pillow beneath him, his eyes fluttering shut in a sad attempt to feign sleep.
The room was completely silent, Jaejoong’s ears practically wringing from the intensity of it.
Had he just imagined the door clicking open?
Jaejoong’s eyelids twitched impatiently, as if to tell him that they wanted to be open. So he obliged and let his eyes flutter open.
“What the fuck!” Jaejoong nearly yelled as he opened his eyes to be greeted by a highly strange face peering at him from hardly three inches away.
He felt like his heart was about to go flying out his chest.
“You don’t pretend very well.” The man stated as he leaned back and cocked his head to the left slightly, his eyes pinned on Jaejoong’s bandaged hand. “Your eyes are all twitchy and your breathing is uneven.” He lifted his gaze back to Jaejoong’s eyes, eyebrows arching slightly as he shoved his hands into pockets of his black pants.
“Who are you?” Jaejoong managed to breath into the stillness, still finding himself startled by the other male’s sudden appearance. This figure was extremely odd, with Japanese words written all down his arms and around his neck, as well as multiple piercings lining his lips, ears and nostrils.
“I’m your guardian angel.” His lips pulled up into a smirk before he could even finish speaking, his eyebrows wiggling slightly as he leaned in closer, “Or maybe I’m the demon that has been sent to ravage your innocent soul.”
“Too late.” Jaejoong commented dryly, finding himself slightly mesmerized by the rather eclectic male. Sungmin had been nothing compared to this guy. This guy made Sungmin look completely sane. This guy even made Junsu look sane.
“Hm, but they told me I wasn’t allowed to hurt you.” The other male tapped his chin slightly, as if looking for a loop-hole in that conditioning.
“Who told you that?” Jaejoong asked breathlessly, wondering who could have shown him any sort of kindness here.
“Shim Changmin, or Robert Conner. But, Shhh, don’t tell him I know that…because I’m not supposed to know.” He huffed slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, looking slightly perturbed. “I know everything, can’t keep secrets from the shadow runner.”
“Changmin?” Jaejoong felt as if his heart was just going to stop in his chest at any moment. Trust him to die before every getting out of his hell.
“Changmin sent you?” He asked again when he wasn’t about to get a response from the other male.
The other male lifted his eyebrows as if just realizing Jaejoong’s presence in the room. “No one sends me, I choose to go wherever I please. If it happens to help them, then they’re in luck.”
“Oh.” He muttered lamely, unsure of how to respond to the rather wild words of the other male. He felt like the guy might just kill him for the fun of it, to hell with what Changmin had told him.
“What’s your name?” Jaejoong questioned quickly, hoping to bring the conversation back to safer grounds.
“Miyavi.” He stated simply, shoulders shrugging forward as he spoke.
“Good bye.” His words came after a short pause, his eyes only flickering towards Jaejoong before he made his way towards the door, steps making not a sound on the white tile.
“Wait! What did Changmin tell you!” Jaejoong called, his last sight of the Miyavi boy was of the back of his head, which housed hair that had been dyed a hot-pink.
The silence that settled back over the room un-nerved Jaejoong slightly, making him doubt that he’d even had that conversation with Miyavi. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d suffered from hallucinations.
And so Jaejoong was left to wonder at his own sanity, his mind working tirelessly to keep him from thinking about how his life had been so suddenly changed. But even though he was running away from it, he would eventually have to come face-to-face wit it in the end.
=-----------------------------------------=
Yunho didn’t want to look at his hands. He knew he couldn’t look at them without his body trying to empty his stomach onto the floor of his cell. So to keep himself from looking at his blood-stained skin, he sat on his hands. It had worked for the first hour or so, but then one of his hands started to fall asleep, and his felt as if the imprint of his fingers would forever remain on his butt.
He was on the verge of reaching sleep, his abused body was exhausted and raw hunger was eating at his stomach, growling its desire for food and drink. His mouth felt sticky, as if his tongue was going to get stuck to the roof of his mouth if he left it there too long.
The last food that he’d seen had been on the airplane in the form of a bag of peanuts and a glass of water. Even the thought of peanuts set his stomach to aching with hunger.
Just as he was about to nod off, the cell door creaked open, making him instantly alert to the things going on around him.
His eyes shot to the door, his breath catching in his throat as he saw Jungmin leering at him from the door. Never had a single look made him feel so dirty.
“Hey, cupcake.” He sneered from the door, puckering his lips in a mockery of a kiss. “I brought your boyfriend back to you.” He added as he pulled a stumbling Jaejoong into the cell. “Now you two kiss and make-up.” He cooed evilly, his dark laugh cut off mid-way when he slammed the cell door closed.
The silence in the room was thick between the two men, neither one looking at each other as they sat on opposite sides of the cell.
So this was it? This was the beginning of breaking Jaejoong’s heart? Yunho found himself glancing around the cell, searching for the camera that was supposedly installed there. He would have doubted its existence, had Mr. Lee not known about the kiss.
Yunho blushed at the thought, lowering his head to hide his cheeks slightly. He hadn’t really stopped to reflect on that kiss because it was something he couldn’t explain. He firmly telling himself that he’d done it out of a desire to seek comfort. Nothing else.
“I’m not angry at you…for this.” Jaejoong’s voice broke the silence first, his tone a mere whisper. “It doesn’t mean I forgive you for anything else….but I don’t blame you for this.” He lifted his bandaged hand, eyes pinned to the white gauze around his wrist.
Yunho felt as if his heart was being pulverized within his chest. Guilt was eating at him like acid. He was going to destroy Jaejoong, how could he even view that as saving the other man’s life?
Yunho suddenly felt the insane urge to break out in tears and curl up in the corner to wait for death to arrive. He was confused and unsure of what course of action he was supposed to take. Why did this have to be happening now? Everything in his life had been going so well. He was happy with his family and he was in a prime position to easily take control of the Jung Organization. But now he was sitting in some cell, broken and dirty, while he formed a plan to make his cell-mate fall in love with him. He was going insane!
“I mean,” Jaejoong’s voice filled the silence again, sounding slightly more awkward, “it was my choice, right? I was the one that chose to do it.” As he spoke he let his eyes flutter shut and his head rested back against the wall, as if he were too tired to keep his head upright.
“Thank you so much, Jaejoong.” Yunho forced his voice to come out normal; forced himself to put all the emotions he could into those few words. If he was going to save Jaejoong’s life, he would have to be convincing with his emotions.
“I was completely wrong about you. In many ways, you’re more of a man than I am.” He truly believed those words. Jaejoong had proven that he was no fragile-as-glass doll. He could take the hits and get back to his feet and keep going.
“Do you know a guy named Miyavi?” Jaejoong suddenly questioned, eyes fluttering open to turn a blank stare on Yunho. It was apparent that the older male was not fond of the topic that Yunho was dancing around.
“How do you know Miyavi?” Yunho questioned, his brow pulling together with a slight look of shock. Jaejoong would have been his very last pick when choosing people acquainted with Miyavi.
“You know him?” Jaejoong questioned again, totally ignoring Yunho’s query.
“Yeah, he’s an--”
“I don’t want to know.” Jaejoong suddenly cut him off, something in his eyes seeming to hold a slight warning. “I just heard people talking about him and wondered if you happened to know him.”
Yunho furrowed his brow in confusion, earning himself a slight lift of Jaejoong’s brow in response. Did he know about the cameras? Yunho felt the questions itching at the back of his throat, but he pursed his lips and closed his eyes in a small attempt to regain his control.
“You know what I want right now?” Jaejoong questioned, a small smile pulling his lips upwards.
“I want a cheeseburger. I want a greasy, fatty cheeseburger that will cut my life span down by five years. I want bacon…lots of bacon.” Jaejoong ran his tongue across his lips, a dreamy smile pulling his lips upwards as if he were imaging eating away at his dream burger.
“That sounds…disgusting.”
Jaejoong tilted his head to the side slightly to look at Yunho, his eyes glimmering before a smile split across his face and he chuckled. “You’re right. But doesn’t it sound oddly good right now?”
Yunho bit his bottom lip, trying to keep back is smile before he answered. “Yes.”
Before either of them even realize it they’re both laughing like madmen, randomly throwing out ideas on food combinations that are totally bizarre, yet somehow appetizing in their current state.
They gravitate towards each other without even noticing it, ending up pressing shoulder-to-shoulder by the time their laughter begins to fade.
There are tears in both their eyes, but this time it’s not from sadness or pain. It’s from their small moment of happiness in a time full of darkness.
=------------------------------------=
A/N: I have finally brought you another update! It’s really short compared to all of my other updates, but it’s almost midnight and I have to get up early tomorrow to study for the SAT, which I’m taking on Saturday. Wah, so nervous!
But yeah, due to my busy schedule over the next few days, the only convenient time for me to update would be now. So here it is.
So yeah, I finished my last two exams today. I think I totally bombed the psychology exam, but that’s okay because it won’t end up effecting my grade (she drops the lowest exam score).
So I’m going to have a whole ten days off before I jump into the Summer semester. I’m actually looking forward to that one because I’m taking a creative writing & advanced composition class.
Yay!
Anyway, thank you to everyone who’s reading this! I love all of my readers, Seriously, you guys are more than awesome...you’re amazing.
-Andy
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