My heart's in your frying pan
Title: My heart’s in your frying pan
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama
Fandom/Pairing: Qmi, Hanchul, minor Yunjae, 2min. others implied.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,106 words
Warnings: None. Uh. Cross-dressing?
Disclaimer: Doesn’t own.
Summary: Kyuhyun’s the producer of a cooking show called ‘Miss Stir Right’ that lost its titular host; Zhou Mi’s a part-time bit actor that gets dragged right into it. Together, they burn like the open fires of a kitchen as they try to revive the cult culinary program with the rest of the production team. Prompted by Cooking Cooking! by Super Junior-Happy; for themedpop mv-verse challenge.
Hands clasped tightly, a young boy of about six years of age kneeled before the window in prayer. Eyes closed, features tightly scrunched up together, the child started praying in earnest,
“Dear God, I hope you can grant this one very simple wish of mine; all I want is to be able to find…”
“KYUHYUN-AH, LOOK, MISS STIR RIGHT IS ON TV.”
The loud proclamation had the boy snapping up; like a jackknife, into standing position almost immediately.
“Miss Stir Right!”
Miss Stir Right was the young one (also known as Cho Kyuhyun)’s favorite cooking program’s hostess. He loved the iconic titular character of the popular show that also had her own line of cooking books, premixes and sauces.
“Okay, I’ll be right there in a moment.”
Kyuhyun sank back into his former kneeling position and continued his little conversation to The Man above.
“Anyway God, sorry, I was interrupted. Oh yeah. I want to find my toy engine. Thanks!”
The boy smiled self-satisfactorily before he rushed outside to watch his favorite cooking show.
“Lord Almighty, we’ve got a very interesting wish tonight.”
“A little boy from Seoul wants to be able to find Mr. Right one day.”
God paused and looked at the angel.
“And so he shall.”
“This is what, your third failed date in this week?”
“Shut up, hyung.”
The bartender Lee Donghae, or Hae- as everyone fondly called him by- made a disapprovingly ‘tut-tut’ sound and poured him his tequila.
“You’re so sad and miserable, Kyu-ah.”
Kyuhyun scowled and glared at one of his closest friends, who busily pretended to wipe a glass.
“I’m not. I just… don’t click well with them.” He took a long drink from his glass.
There were a group of four girls sitting at the other end of the bar, not-so surreptitiously checking them out and drinking cosmos.
“You attract attention fine.” Donghae said with a slightly evil but gently teasing tone. Kyuhyun deigned to reply.
“Unfortunately, you’re not looking for Ms. Right.”
“I’ve not been looking for Ms. Right ever since I was in junior high and you know that.”
Kyuhyun wasn’t exactly a failure in the relationship department.
He just didn’t get very fantastic results.
As what Hankyung-hyung (Also known as Hangeng-ge. Chinese; a rather close, sometimes idiot friend of theirs) would say, in his dreamy idealistic tone (or drunk, indiscernible and dazed as Kyu preferred to call it), Cho Kyuhyun just had not found ‘the right one’. But who was Hangeng to talk anyway. He couldn’t hold on to a relationship to save his life. At least Kyuhyun tried.
Unlike Kyuhyun, Hangeng swung both ways; had a preference for women, dated countless but had the deepest, most complex, long-time on-off relationship with a popular actor from his agency. That connection had sparkled and fizzled so many times it was scary.
“Sigh. I’m not going to ask anymore. Sica says all of you in entertainment are dysfunctional.”
Kyuhyun snorted and rolled his eyes slightly.
“She’s one to talk. Your girlfriend is an idol. Besides, I’m not really in entertainment. Hankyung-hyung is the truly dysfunctional one.”
“You’re a PD so you count. And don’t be mean to ge.” Donghae said loyally.
“Speaking of him, where is he? I haven’t seen him in a million years.”
“He’s having a tour in China remember?”
Kyuhyun nodded slowly. Indeed, the popular idol had mentioned it awhile back.
“So I guess he’s ‘off’ with Heechul-hyung again?”
“Yup. They are.” A distinct voice came from behind him and Kyuhyun nearly fell off his chair.
Darn. Speak of the devil. Kim Heechul hopped onto the bar stool next to Kyuhyun’s.
“Bloody hell. You’re like a fucking ninja.”
“Newest role remember?” Heechul smiled thinly and raised his vodka to toast them before taking a drink. The girls at the corner seemed to notice and worse, recognize the newest addition and erupted into loud titters.
Kyuhyun and Donghae exchanged amused looks that Heechul vaguely translated as, ‘Fangirls are scary, I’m glad I’m not the one who’s going to get mauled’. Not one to waste time on small talk; Donghae asked,
“No filming tonight?”
“Finished my parts. Supporting actress- the one with the ugly nails- gave the director a headache, so we wrapped up early. Besides, I’m supposed to give Hannie a call tonight.”
Both Kyuhyung and Donghae sported similar raised eyebrows.
“And you just confirmed you and Hankyung-hyung are ‘off’ again?”
“We are.” Heechul calmly crunched on an ice cube, left hand absent-mindedly twirling the jet black hair that curled at the nape.
Kyuhyun mouthed ‘dysfunctional’ to a fairly confused Donghae.
“Aish. Enough about us. I hear trouble’s brewing…uh, figuratively, on your set, Kyuhyun-ah?”
At the mentioned of that, Kyuhyun’s face figuratively turned dark; like a horrible storm.
“Bad news sure travels fast.” He gravely muttered whilst picking apart a poor, defenseless coaster.
“I’m a scheduled guest on your show, but Siwonnie said it’s been delayed till further notice. Did the host really just up and leave?” Heechul asked, raising an eyebrow.
Yes. Stupid bitch really upped and left, leaving the whole production crew high and dry. They had tried to find replacements for her, but they were mediocre at best and downright terrible at worst. Kyuhyun pretended to not care but in reality, was angry and upset; he didn’t want the beloved culinary program of his childhood destroyed in his hands.
Kyuhyun just nodded mutely before he answered tiredly,
“Replacements that various agencies have been offering to us are absolutely crap. Not being able to cook that well is one thing; not having any ability to speak to the camera is another, but it’s hard to tolerate one who doesn’t even have any spirit or enthusiasm when she speaks.”
“That’s a bit of a problem. It’s been a longtime program with great branding and a cult status. Looks like production is halted till the perfect Miss Stir Right appears?” Heechul commented thoughtfully.
That pretty much summed up the whole issue. Kyuhyun wearily sighed,
“If Miss Stir Right ever does appear that is.”
Zhou Mi was a little terrified. He hadn’t done anything wrong. At least, nothing he remembered to be disastrously wrong anyway. So why was hotshot actor Kim Heechul, whom he shared all of three minutes of screen time with giving him a critical, assessing look?
He hadn’t fumbled any lines (not that anyone could go wrong with “Sir, can I get your order/this is our restaurant’s top grade, premium pu’er tea.”) nor did anything spectacularly embarrassing but the drama’s lead actor looked at him for a long time.
“Okay and cut.”
“Thank you for the hard work.” They all bowed and as Zhou Mi turned to flee the set, Heechul called out to him.
“Zhou Mi-sshi! Yeah you. Seasoning!” He spun around slowly as his brain chanted, “oh god, oh god! whaaaat!”
“Yes, Heechul-sshi?” The actor stared at him again for fifteen seconds then grinned like he was Cheshire cat.
“Have you got a minute? You’re just the perfect person!” He grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along. Shock couldn’t even begin to describe how Zhou Mi felt as Heechul dragged him off (despite him being a good head taller than the veteran actor).
Perfect person?
For what?
Inside studio nine, Kyuhyun was annoyed, but the director, a temperamental Shim Changmin looked like he was A) about to kill the newest replacement girl who was attempting to host, B) laugh and throw up or C) kill himself after finishing A and B. It wasn’t a pretty thought but the director’s face color was absolutely terrifying.
Changmin softly but impactfully whispered to Kyuhyun who looked up from his PSP. He’d originally let Changmin play with it a while but once the girl had started; he shook his head and took back his beloved. He was attempting to win again until Changmin seemed to reach the end of the stick.
“How can anyone in the world speaking with such a grating tone like hers? Listening to her talk is somewhat like swallowing broken glass.”
Painful, to say the very least.
Despite their occasional artistic differences, they were actually really close friends and Kyuhyun mostly agreed with Changmin. And this time, he whole-heartedly agreed. Before he decided whether he or Changmin should play bad cop this time (Changmin probably could do it better this round; his face already spelled doom) the studio door was suddenly flung open with a loud noise.
The production crew (whose morale was almost in the gutter already) all turned to look. And the annoying girl, thankfully, stopped talking.
“Heechul-hyung?” Kyuhyun and Changmin called out in unison. Both were puzzled at the sudden appearance of one of the leading men of Korean idol drama. And more strangely, he had a young man by the wrist. Regardless the case, Changmin looked visibly cheered up; Kim Heechul seemed to have this effect on everyone.
Kyuhyun raised his brows. Way to make an entrance.
“Okay. Hyerin-sshi, you can leave now. Thanks. Crew, go for a half an hour break.” The morale in the room seemed to perk up a little.
The girl protested feebly but before she could start speaking, Changmin’s face colour warned her off. Kyuhyun, on the other hand was busy staring at the man whom Heechul had firmly by the wrist. Not really his type, he mused. But the guy really was good looking in a decent, pretty way with sharp facial features, awfully tall and all legs. Not bad at all.
“What’s up, Heenim?”
“I think that was one of Hannie’s conquests.” Heechul commented airily as they watched the girl walk off; his voice with just a hint of darkness.
Ouch.
Heechul shrugged a little, like it didn’t mean much, as he continued importantly,
“Anyway. I’d heard about the host problem you have. So I found just the perfect someone for you all.”
There was a short pause, before they both said,
“Him?”
Zhou Mi had seen the sign outside the studio door before they had barged in. It very clearly said ‘Miss Stir Right’ in bold black letters on white paper. He had been very confused as to what Heechul was doing and was still very much so; though from how things seemed to be unfolding, it probably wasn’t going to be beneficial to him. He blinked frantically.
“Heechul-hyung, this is Miss Stir Right, not… I don’t know, Project Runway. Yeah. He has that I-only-wear-branded-and-designer look.” Kyuhyun grumbled softly. Heechul had obviously lost it.
Zhou Mi didn’t know whether to feel insulted or not.
Changmin had remained silent though and looked at him with the same critical eye that Heechul did. Heechul gave Kyuhyun a rather victorious smirk as Changmin tilted his head a bit as if considering something. Kyuhyun’s stomach sank.
“Actually, I can see it.”
“Changmin. It’s Miss Stir Right.” Kyuhyun emphasized on the ‘miss’. Didn’t that mean anything to the pair? And the man, despite his rather good looks, was very obviously not-female.
“And Miss he will be.” Changmin whipped out his cellphone and made a quick call.
“Introduce us first, Heenim?”
“Oh yes, I forgot.”
“Seasoning, these two are the head honchos of this show, the Director and producer of Miss Stir Right, Shim Changmin and Cho Kyuhyun.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened a little in recognition of the two names and he bowed politely. They were two very well known figures in television production; both young and exceptionally talented. From what Zhou Mi had heard from the grapevine(also the primary source of industry gossip, a certain popular variety show host named Park Jungsu), these two were to bring the ailing, once illustrious program back to life.
“And this is Zhou Mi, whom… frankly, I don’t know anything about. I’ve just met him today on my drama set. But I’m very certain he’s the Miss Stir Right you’re looking for.” Heechul insisted happily. Zhou Mi could have sworn his heart was going to fall out. How was he going to be able to do this?
“Why are you two so certain?” Kyuhyun looked at Zhou Mi a bit disdainfully, but also with a hint of shy reservation that no one picked up on. The producer didn’t seem to like him very much. Pity, the young man was really quite good looking... Darn. What was he doing!
“Trust me, you hang around Jaejoong-hyung long enough, you’d see it immediately.” Changmin muttered darkly. Heechul laughed before he replied vaguely,
“Intuition.”
“What intuition?” The voice of one of Kyuhyun’s closest friends floated from the doorway. A sight for sore eyes (or maybe, quite the opposite sometimes, given his fashion choices); senior stylist Lee Sungmin stood at the doorway. From behind him, another young and pretty face popped up; Sungmin’s assistant/parter-in-crime, Ryeowook waved excitedly to them.
“Hyung? What are you guys doing here?” Kyuhyun called, slightly confused.
“Kyuhyun-ah!” The pair enthusiastically greeted him in their usual fashion (read: glomped) before Sungmin put on his business-like, terrifying-professional-stylist tone and turned to Changmin.
“We were doing work on dream team’s set; Minho-ah said Yunho said you needed us for an emergency? Full kit needed?”
Changmin nodded brusquely. Zhou Mi got the distinct impression that everything sounded very much like in a major operation.
“Pretty much. I need you two to transform him into Miss Stir Right.”
Ryeowook cocked his head to the side adorably while Sungmin tapped his index finger on his chin lightly. Both stylists blinked prettily in unison while staring at him, as if considering the possibility.
“Okay.”
That was the last thing Zhou Mi heard before being hauled into a dressing room.
A good twenty minutes later, the crew had returned from their lunch break and Kyuhyun was getting a little antsy. Changmin had very confidently told them a new host was going to be in and they could definitely start filming in a heartbeat. The crew had been very excited; the boost in their morale from lunch and the good news was astounding.
Kyuhyun didn’t know whether he should feel the same sort of optimism though. Changmin had given him a non-Changmin-esque expression which he translated it to be, “Have faith”. But Kyuhyun did feel a pool of excitement in his stomach. Perhaps the young man could be transformed into Miss Stir Right; after all, he had managed to convince but some of Kyuhyun’s most pretty-boy friends. All of them whom he’d seen dressed up as girls for some occasion or the other- whether for official station events or otherwise.
Sungmin’s irritated tone broke him out from his thoughts.
“Come out before I make you. We didn’t spend a quarter of an hour just to have you hide in the dressing room.”
Zhou Mi mumbled something in reply; Kyuhyun vaguely heard ‘never in a million years’. Well. That sounded… pretty ominous. Changmin, ever impatient, got up from his director’s seat (a reverent hush fell over the crew) and walked over to the dressing room. From Kyuhyun’s angle, he was unable to see very much but he definitely could see Changmin’s huge smile as he looked into the dressing room. That was before Changmin immediately went into frosty mode and gave him the signature ‘come-out-otherwise-I’ll-make-sure-you’ll-never-step-foot-into-this-station-again’ look which he had probably learnt from the industry veterans who he was close to.
A good natured push from behind-Ryeowook probably- and Zhou Mi stumbled out.
Embarrassed beyond words, Zhou Mi peered at the crew as he smoothed out his skirt. He stole a look at the irritating and cynical but gorgeous producer who was blatantly staring at him and felt his face heat up. He was wearing an off-shoulder, ruffled sunshine yellow blouse with a knee-length mocha-colored peasant skirt and a pristine, white apron above it all. It should have been extremely uncomfortable, but weirdly enough, wasn’t. Ryeowook had very cleverly given him black pumps (“trust me; you’re not ready for heels yet.”) and a long curly wig that was a lovely shade of mahogany. Sungmin had expertly done his makeup (the fake eyelashes had hurt. A lot.) and when Zhou Mi had finally looked into the mirror; he was surprised.
He actually looked convincing as a female for once. The last time he had tried to cross-dress, on a school show as a favor for a friend when he was much younger, his best friend had laughed for the longest time and told him he didn’t suit the geisha look(which he very unfortunately was in). This was different and definitely much more comfortable. He walked gingerly behind Changmin who introduced him briefly to the crew.
Sungmin plonked his signature pink kit onto the table next to Kyuhyun.
“I knew you’d approve.”
“What.” Kyuhyun only half-heard Sungmin. Somehow, for some weird reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off the newcomer. Sungmin smirked.
“You like.”
Kyuhyun sputtered a bit and looked as if he swallowed a lemon.
“I do not.”
“Kyu-ah likes Zhou Mimi.” Sungmin said sing-songingly.
“Do not. Besides, why are you calling him Mimi.” Kyuhyun frowned a little. Sungmin laughed and flicked him on the forehead.
“Stupid. You do like him. Or at least think he’s cute anyway. I saw your face when I came in. And why can’t I call him Mimi? I just performed a miracle on him.” The last part was said with a supercilious expression, while Kyuhyun cursed softly under his breath, rubbing his forehead.
“Go ask him out ‘kay. I think you’d at least be able to have a proper conversation with him. He’s a fashion design graduate! ”
“He is? What the hell is he doing here then?” Kyuhyun asked, puzzled. And, as always, Sungmin and Ryeowook really could ask anything out of anyone.
“Something about a buffer year, right Wookie?”
Ryeowook nodded as he arranged various accessories in his own pink case.
“Both Jongwoon-hyung and Henry know Zhou Mi.”
“As in, Henry the sound technician and Muzit's Yesung-hyung?” Kyuhyun clarified.
Ryeowook nodded his agreement.
So Zhou Mi wasn’t exactly that much of an unknown then.
“I’ve met him before prior to this actually.” Added Ryeowook helpfully.
Both Sungmin and Kyuhyun looked at him interestedly; curiosity piqued.
“He does freelance at W and Elle girl. I was there helping Yoona when I met him.”
“He is a freelance model? I’d never have thought.” Said Kyuhyun slightly agog.
“Well, he can look really good dressed up. And not just as a girl.” Sungmin mimed a frame with his hands where Zhou Mi was standing listening to Changmin’s instructions.
He put his hands down and smirked at Kyuhyun who was frowning slightly.
“Don’t worry. He’s not really my type.”
Before Kyuhyun could even formulate an answer; Sungmin said,
“Yes. He is. If you were wondering. ”
“I…I’m not wondering anything besides if he’d make a decent Miss Stir Right. My program is on the line here.”
“Whatever you say Kyuhyun-ah.” He raised an eyebrow at Ryeowook who nodded affirmatively, with a similar innocent but sinister smile.
“Sheesh. With friends like you two, who needs enemies?” grumbled Kyuhyun good naturedly. Sungmin smiled widely and leaned into him, pinching his cheek.
“HA. Of course you love us, Kyu-ah. Anyway. I really hope he’s not hopeless. He does look a bit fail, but maybe not?”
As Kyuhyun found out a short while later; Zhou Mi was sortareallyhopeless actually. Kyuhyun chuckled a bit.
But hopelessly adorable.
He continuously looked into the wrong camera and didn’t follow the script. He was oddly nervous and smiled at the weirdest times, like when he was frying garlic (and burning it a little) but spoke with a tone of confidence. He almost knocked over a pan but fortunately caught it just in time; which both prevented an accident and gave interesting comedic effect.
Zhou Mi was flustered. He actually could cook, quite well in fact; in both Korean and Chinese and a few other styles. He wasn’t your average mid-twenties guy who couldn’t cook to save his life; but ever since he came to Korea, he had to survive on takeout and cafeteria food.
And he was so damned nervous.
He knew he wasn’t following the cues properly and improvised his own lines (really, in his defense, some of the original lines had sounded very idiotic) but he tried his very best. The director and producer had simply left him to be and had not stopped him but instead chose to watch. In particular the producer, he had an interesting expression across his handsome boyish visage, one that seemed somewhat… amused.
Oh god. What was he doing really. How could he be Miss Stir Right?
When they finally called ‘cut’, all Zhou Mi wanted to do was slump to the ground and hide.
But instead of an expected tongue-lashing, there was a ripple of applause from the excited crew. The exhausted head cameraman (they said his name was Kim Kibum, not to be confused with actor Kim Kibum and idol group U-kiss’s Kim Kibum) even gave him a thumb up despite all the gaffes he made.
They thought he was good?
The director and producer walked over to the counter and Zhou Mi felt his heart about to fall out again. What Changmin said next was something Zhou Mi never thought he’d hear in a million years.
“Not bad. Keep up the good work. I expect to see you back here on Friday; the first guests will be on.”
He felt himself floating on air.
Changmin turned to Kyuhyun and patted his back smiling,
“I’ll leave you to wrap up; I have to attend a station meeting. Call me if anything crops up.”
Kyuhyun nodded as Changmin walked off the set.
“Send my regards to Yunho-hyung.”
He turned around and looked Zhou Mi in the eye.
“You’re… better than I expected.”
The taller man gave a squeak of surprise.
“I…”
“I thought you would be absolutely useless at this. But I guess not.”
“Excuse me?” Zhou Mi felt a bit offended but Kyuhyun was technically… paying him a compliment? He felt an odd rush of warmth.
“You are somewhat awful at this whole hosting thing and obviously have no idea how to follow instructions. I was practically shouting at the cameramen to switch views every few seconds since you look everywhere but the camera you were supposed to look at. And you are probably the clumsiest person I’ve ever seen; I swear to god I thought Changmin would get a coronary when you fumbled with that burning pan…”
Or maybe not.
“I’m not experienced okay. And I was the one forced here by you all, and having to dress like this. So I’m sorry, Mr. hot-shot producer if I don’t live up to your standards.” Zhou Mi spit out somewhat indignantly (not caring if he mangled his Korean) and crossed his arms. Kyuhyun was a bit surprised; it was as if his pet goldfish just started speaking.
“I haven’t finished speaking, you doofus.”
“Oh.”
As if Zhou Mi hadn’t heard enough though.
”However retarded you were; it was okay. You were very natural and charming. And you handled everything pretty well. Most importantly, you have spirit, something a lot of the previous hosts didn’t. And… you actually look nice in that outfit.” The last bit Kyuhyun mumbled out softly but Zhou Mi definitely heard it.
He felt the warmth coming back into him again.
How was it that the younger man (he presumed) managed to make him feel hot and cold at the same time?
Oh, get a grip on yourself, Mi.
“T-thanks.”
The two slightly awkwardly stood still for a moment, looking at each other. Zhou Mi chewed his bottom lip slightly and tasted cotton candy, which left him briefly wondering where the heck Sungmin got the lip gloss from.
“So… yeah. You survived this round, but you’ve got to earn your way for the next. It won’t be so easy since we’re bringing guests on. And you
better not fail.”
Was the producer challenging him?
Kyuhyun had an expression that indicated so and Zhou MI smiled slightly.
“I won’t.”
Game on.
Miss Stir Right; fundamentally a cooking program but they also brought on guests every other episode. It was somewhat like The Rachel Ray show - an intimate and comfortable, yet non-boring cooking show. When it first started in 1995, it became wildly popular for its pretty host, witty dialogue and not-impossible delicious recipes. The varied guests which were traditionally stars of their industry also garnered a lot of attention.
“Qian-ah, I’m not sure what I’m doing.” Song Qian looked up towards her friend from her place on the floor where she was doing a split.
“Ge, I don’t understand what you’re so bothered about. You’ve gotten your big break! Isn’t this what you’ve been looking forward to?” She smiled encouragingly.
Zhou Mi continued to fret uselessly. The girl shook her head and dusted herself off as she stood up.
“I really have no idea why you’re so stressed. You’re doing fine! I was so surprised when Heechul-oppa asked me the other day at the TRAX MV filming if I was familiar with your name. Then he told me by coincidence he recommended you for Miss Stir Right. I was so jealous.” She mock-pouted.
“Really?” He asked tentatively, slight hope bubbling in his chest.
“Really. I watched your pilot episode, it was good. Um, a little rough at the edges but still good.” She grinned.
“You proved that you really could do entertainment like you always thought.”
Zhou Mi took a buffer year to set out to try to prove that he could do something else besides what his life dictated it to be. His parents let him and he tried his hand at entertainment in Korea which was, rather far from home. Modeling paid the bills and satisfied his love for fashion; but it was sometimes dull and unsuitable for him. His personality didn’t suit it.
“But I think my producer hates me.” He admitted a little sadly.
“Who could hate you, hmm?”
“Miss Stir Right’s producer apparently.”
She tried to recall for a moment.
“You’re working with… Changmin-sshi and Kyuhyun-sshi?”
“Changmin-sshi is alright. He’s quite friendly. Kuixian on the other hand, I think doesn’t like me.”
There was a pause.
“You just called him Kuixian.”
His eyes widened and his hands flailed.
“I-I…”
“I’m not even going to bother to tease you. He’s a nice person really. A bit glued to his PSP during breaks but still fairly nice.”
Not to me, at least. He thought glumly.
“Anyway. I hear 2pm might appear on your show. Tell me when they do, okay! I want autographs.”
A familiar voice ghosted his back suddenly.
“I’m not sure if our viewers would be inspired if they knew you were reading ‘Cooking for dummies’.”
Zhou Mi jumped a little and Kyuhyun snickered.
“What the hell, Kuixian. You scared the hell out of me. A weaker person would have died and you’d be left with no more host and Changmin-sshi would probably go on a rampage.”
Zhou Mi grimaced and put the book back on the shelf.
“But I guess I’m glad you’re attempting to make an effort to improve your skills. As you said, since you’re not dead yet, I imply that you’re not a weaker person. I’m not sure how reading helps though.”
“And you’re some expert, oh superior one?”
Kyuhyun grinned sunnily; albeit with a touch of malevolence.
“But of course. I’ve watched this show my whole life. I just don’t cook.”
Zhou Mi just sighed dramatically. He knew he could cook but the unnaturally high heat intimidated him a bit and the multiple cameras occasionally confused him still.
“Why so glum, Miss Stir Right? If you really want to improve, just practice more. Some of the previous hosts couldn’t cook even if their lives depended on it either. You’re doing a lot better nowadays and at least you got the hosting part down pat.”
Gasp. Was Kyuhyun actually encouraging him?
Kyuhyun glanced at his incredulous expression and turned a bit red.
“It’s not a compliment. As in, I’m not saying being able to host itself will save you. You have to practice cooking more. This is after all, a cooking program.”
Zhou Mi beamed and nodded but a glum expression suddenly crept in.
“I… haven’t got a place to practice though. My landlord refuses to allow me to cook inside my apartment.”
Kyuhyun looked at him witheringly like he was stupid. The same look he gave his game console when he lost and thought no one was watching. Not that Zhou Mi was watching.
“You mean that’s all there is to your problem?”
“Is it not bad enough, Kuixian?”
“I have a fully equipped kitchen courtesy of Ryeowook hyung which I completely don’t use.”
Cho Kyuhyun, if you wanted to ask him over, that wasn’t exactly the most direct sentence, Kyuhyun thought dimly.
Zhou Mi hadn’t noticed but instead was giving him an even more incredulous expression than before.
“Seriously?”
“Y-you… want to come over to use my kitchen? And I can be your audience if you need.” Kyuhyun spit out slightly embarrassedly; hoping Zhou Mi didn’t notice his embarrassment.
“Oh my god. Of course I do. I never thought you would.” cried Zhou Mi excitedly, clutching at his arm in a death grip and even bouncing a bit. He really wanted to be able to cook properly and having access to a good kitchen and willing audience was a god send.
Schooling his face back into a mask of seriousness (but sort of bursting in joy underneath), Kyuhyun said,
“As I say, anything for the success of Miss Stir Right. But I’m definitely not going to go easy on you.”
Zhou Mi shot him a grin.
Kyuhyun’s apartment was actually quite unlike him, masculine and detailed; spotless but relaxed.
A sleek black baby grand piano sat in its place of glory next to a giant rack of CDs; a cushy grey suede sofa was littered with game controllers and no less than three game consoles plugged into the giant TV.
Zhou Mi stood facing a beautiful teak shelf with numerous books of many different genres, his non-fiction ranged from cooking to travel to music to photography- very similar to Zhou Mi’s own bookcase at home. His fiction collection surprised Zhou Mi more; an odd assortment of classic literature (both western and Korean), some crime and mystery titles and a couple of sappy romances.
On top of the shelf was an adorable wooden toy engine; slightly out of place but very charming.
“Bookworm.” Kyuhyun teased lightly; offering him a cold drink. Accepting the drink, Zhou Mi rolled his eyes for effect but grinned and said,
“Says the guy with a bookshelf with titles that could beat those of a small library.”
They’d become closer after hours at studio nine; but they weren’t really friends. Friends to Kyuhyun (he’d noticed after a while) were the director, the stylists Sungmin and Ryeowook, Muzit’s host Yesung, composer Kim Jonghyun and young actors like Choi Minho and Lee Taemin among many others. Kyuhyun was also actually very close to Heechul, he found out.
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun weren’t actually really friends. But the host definitely still had an attraction to the producer.
Zhou Mi chewed his lip thoughtfully as the awkwardness set in again.
“Ah, you bought ingredients.” Kyuhyun noted the bags that currently occupied his dining table.
“A-ah. Yes.” Twirl twirl, fidget fidget.
“So you’re going to cook now? You have to explain step by step the entire procedure.” Kyuhyun was using his Mean Producer voice again.
Game on, Zhou Mimi.
His eyes sparked with intensity once more.
In between ‘takes’ (when the food was cooking in the oven), they would share a story or a piece of gossip at the station (“They say Heechul was flirting with the sound technician.” Pause. “Heechul hyung flirts with everyone.”) And when they were finally done, there was a whole tableful of food waiting for them.
“At least I have leftovers for the rest of the week.” Kyuhyun mused as Zhou Mi looked a bit embarrassed and tired and mussed. Kyuhyun tentatively snuck a bite and grudgingly proclaimed it good. Which- Zhou Mi proudly thought- actually really was.
Once the dishes were done, he demanded the younger man play the piano for him (Kuixian, you said you would play if I washed the dishes) and realized he was actually quite a musical genius. And Kyuhyun invited him to play some racing game on his Wii and Zhou Mi got owned.
(“Owned?” “Ah huh. It means you lost to me completely”)
They could be friends. Or maybe, something even more. As Zhou Mi grimly thought as he got home and scrubbed his designer jeans free of grease, Kyuhyun might have definitely possibly owned his heart.
"And today our recipe involves..."
Zhou Mi never got around to saying what the recipe involved because there was a loud crash when the door slammed open; revealing a young man running in flustered and promptly falling flat on his face.
The sound technician swore loudly. Fortunately they were not filming a live episode, thought Zhou Mi, because he pretty much wanted to simultaneously burst into laughter and cry at the same time.
"The fuck, Jinki?" the head cameraman stood up, arms crossed and glaring daggers.
The director wearily called for a timeout and the producer simply shook his head and helped him up like this happened on a regular basis anyway.
"I’m so sorry I interrupted! But I really need help here." Jinki practically wailed, wringing his hands.
"Wait, what happened? Weren’t you at studio six filming some indoor scene?" demanded key.
"Studio six?"
Zhou Mi could practically see the cogs turning in the heads of both Changmin and Kyuhyun who looked at each other wordlessly. This was going to be highly complicated; of this he was very sure.
"Yes. We were filming halfway through, and suddenly Heechul hyung had this distant faraway look then stopped and he suddenly just left the studio. Taemin was chasing after him and I didn't know what to do so I came to get help."
"Heechul hyung? This had better not be one of his diva tantrums." muttered Kyuhyun, thought he knew it could not be.
"I don't know; he seemed upset over something."
Kyuhyun's eyes softened a little. Heechul could be a diva sometimes, but he was a consummate professional and always gave it his all.
"Okay, don't panic. If it's really that serious, I’ll get hold of Yunho hyung and Kyuhyun will get Eeteuk hyung." Kyuhyun nodded, already dialing familiar numbers. Jinki looked marginally encouraged but withered when Key gave him an ‘I-hate-you’ expression and complained that he wasn’t taking good care of their son while madly texting on his cell phone.
They broke up to search the station for Heechul.
"You’re confused, aren't you." Kyuhyun asked dryly.
Zhou Mi nodded, curls bobbing. There was practically no time so he had just rushed out after he switched into sneakers.
"Terribly."
“I’ll explain later; for now we’ve got to find them first. This station can be a bit mad on some days.”
A bit was a gross understatement.
He hadn't meant to overhear; swear to god, but he couldn't help but not listen to the conversation.
Heechul had sounded weary and genuinely upset, very different from the award winning actor with the devil-may-care attitude.
"Taemin-ah, just go away. I’m okay."
No, he wasn't okay, not by a long shot.
Zhou Mi peeked and saw the younger actor lightly pounding on the door- Heechul must have locked the door from the inside.
"Hyung, talk to me. I’m old enough to listen and understand."
There was silence and Taemin sat on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees; rocking slightly.
"Hyung, I’m sorry. I lied. Maybe I really won't. Understand I mean. I know it hurts to see the person you love walk away from you though. Just like in our script, Soon-ah tells Daeshin that she will always love him even though he wants nothing to do with her? I think I might know how that feels."
There was momentary, resonating silence.
"Taeminnie. It’s not the same. Minho-goon is a bit stupid but he loves you. But Daeshin doesn't love Soon-ah anymore."
Zhou Mi suspected from the tone of Heechul's voice, that the older man was crying.
This was not his place anymore, he realized. He walked towards the main corridor and fished out his phone from the apron pocket.
"Mi found Heechul hyung and Taemin. They’re at the tenth floor of building A." said Kyuhyun as he rounded up the motley crew.
"Hyung!" Taemin exclaimed, standing up. He wasn't crying but his eyes looked a little wet.
Jinki patted his back reassuringly while mouthing 'it's okay'.
"Heechul-ah, open the door." Eeteuk called quietly. There was no response from behind the door.
"Kim Heechul, if you don't open this door I’m going to knock it down and I will get Siwon to deduct it from your fees." the station director threatened, looking fairly impressive in his pressed Christian Dior suit.
There was a long pause as everyone waited to see if Heechul would respond to Yunho’s threat. The door slowly opened but Heechul refused to come back in; so the two men went outside instead.
Just as Zhou Mi thought today couldn't possibly get any more dramatic or exciting, a tall figure sprinted towards them and enveloped Taemin in a tight hug before anyone said anything.
"Minho hyung?"
Ah.
"Let’s just leave them be, we still have a casserole to bake." Kyuhyun said wryly.
"They all have issues." he whispered while whisking the Miss Stir Right crew back into their studio.
Heechul was never really a crier; but one would think otherwise, the way he was sobbing into Yunho's expensive suit with Eeteuk holding his hand and rubbing his back.
"I just knew that the scriptwriter should have rewritten the lines."
"It's not about Soon-ah or Daeshin. Okay, maybe it partially is. It led me to think that... this time it's really over for real." He said resignedly.
"Why would you say so, Heechul?" asked Yunho. He had been in a meeting when Changmin called him; but when he saw Eeteuk’s worried form outside his office, the meeting became of secondary importance- the host was supposed to be at an event but obviously bailed.
Both he and Eeteuk understood how Heechul could be feeling.
"He’s stopped loving me."
Yunho sighed as Eeteuk started tearing up with that one statement. Personally, he was never a crier.
"Kim Heechul, where's your usual confident spirit? Aren't you always declaring that no one will ever stop liking you?" accused Eeteuk in a shaky voice. He had his own personal demons when it came to relationships and was now reminded of them.
“Why would you say that? Have you been speaking to Hankyung?” Yunho was attempting the whole ‘voice of reason and rational thinking’ but it was going to hell very soon. Heechul’s melancholy seemed to infect; like an incurable virus.
“I haven’t spoken to him in maybe three months?” Heechul admitted quietly. Nobody would ever guess it, but insecurity seemed to bleed out from his every pore. Yunho suddenly remembered what Heechul had said on Youngstreet, his radio show three days ago.
"Sometimes, Heechul, you can’t really put a tag on love. You are never clearly either in love or not, sometimes... it's a strange limbo." Yunho said carefully.
"I hate Jaejoong sometimes. What has he done to you?"
Yunho smiled bitterly.
"Is this why Jae has been telling me that you should stop finding trouble with him?"
"But he broke your heart!"
"He did. He does. But I’m still in love with him and will always be."
“I don’t want to be this way. Not like you or Teukie. I don’t want to be a scorned lover.” Heechul crossed his arms. He looked pitiful, all puffy eyes and reddened nose. Yunho made a ‘tch’ noise- not sure whether he should laugh or succumb to Heechul’s depression that was quickly affecting him as well.
“But Hankyung loves you; you know he cares for you a great deal. He cancelled his last tour for you remember?” whispered Eeteuk gently.
Sudden memories came- a warm presence and low hushed whispers in a mixture of Korean and Chinese at his bedside as his entire body bore scars and unimaginable; unspeakable pain.
Heechul kept silent but the tears just came harder and harsher, blurring his vision.
The three just sat there the entire afternoon, a perfect tableau; the epitome of misery.
Grand love stories are like a never-ending feast; sumptuous with a multitude of flavors and textures but hard to digest and painful sometimes.
“Minho hyung. I don’t need that grand love story; I just want to be by your side.”
Minho wiped the shimmering tear from Taemin’s eye away and wrapped the younger into a tight embrace. He was a fool; a somber, self-serving one but he could never find it in himself to hurt the one person he cherished most.
He pressed a kiss on his forehead; one that represented that he agreed too.
part two
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama
Fandom/Pairing: Qmi, Hanchul, minor Yunjae, 2min. others implied.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,106 words
Warnings: None. Uh. Cross-dressing?
Disclaimer: Doesn’t own.
Summary: Kyuhyun’s the producer of a cooking show called ‘Miss Stir Right’ that lost its titular host; Zhou Mi’s a part-time bit actor that gets dragged right into it. Together, they burn like the open fires of a kitchen as they try to revive the cult culinary program with the rest of the production team. Prompted by Cooking Cooking! by Super Junior-Happy; for themedpop mv-verse challenge.
Hands clasped tightly, a young boy of about six years of age kneeled before the window in prayer. Eyes closed, features tightly scrunched up together, the child started praying in earnest,
“Dear God, I hope you can grant this one very simple wish of mine; all I want is to be able to find…”
“KYUHYUN-AH, LOOK, MISS STIR RIGHT IS ON TV.”
The loud proclamation had the boy snapping up; like a jackknife, into standing position almost immediately.
“Miss Stir Right!”
Miss Stir Right was the young one (also known as Cho Kyuhyun)’s favorite cooking program’s hostess. He loved the iconic titular character of the popular show that also had her own line of cooking books, premixes and sauces.
“Okay, I’ll be right there in a moment.”
Kyuhyun sank back into his former kneeling position and continued his little conversation to The Man above.
“Anyway God, sorry, I was interrupted. Oh yeah. I want to find my toy engine. Thanks!”
The boy smiled self-satisfactorily before he rushed outside to watch his favorite cooking show.
“Lord Almighty, we’ve got a very interesting wish tonight.”
“A little boy from Seoul wants to be able to find Mr. Right one day.”
God paused and looked at the angel.
“And so he shall.”
“This is what, your third failed date in this week?”
“Shut up, hyung.”
The bartender Lee Donghae, or Hae- as everyone fondly called him by- made a disapprovingly ‘tut-tut’ sound and poured him his tequila.
“You’re so sad and miserable, Kyu-ah.”
Kyuhyun scowled and glared at one of his closest friends, who busily pretended to wipe a glass.
“I’m not. I just… don’t click well with them.” He took a long drink from his glass.
There were a group of four girls sitting at the other end of the bar, not-so surreptitiously checking them out and drinking cosmos.
“You attract attention fine.” Donghae said with a slightly evil but gently teasing tone. Kyuhyun deigned to reply.
“Unfortunately, you’re not looking for Ms. Right.”
“I’ve not been looking for Ms. Right ever since I was in junior high and you know that.”
Kyuhyun wasn’t exactly a failure in the relationship department.
He just didn’t get very fantastic results.
As what Hankyung-hyung (Also known as Hangeng-ge. Chinese; a rather close, sometimes idiot friend of theirs) would say, in his dreamy idealistic tone (or drunk, indiscernible and dazed as Kyu preferred to call it), Cho Kyuhyun just had not found ‘the right one’. But who was Hangeng to talk anyway. He couldn’t hold on to a relationship to save his life. At least Kyuhyun tried.
Unlike Kyuhyun, Hangeng swung both ways; had a preference for women, dated countless but had the deepest, most complex, long-time on-off relationship with a popular actor from his agency. That connection had sparkled and fizzled so many times it was scary.
“Sigh. I’m not going to ask anymore. Sica says all of you in entertainment are dysfunctional.”
Kyuhyun snorted and rolled his eyes slightly.
“She’s one to talk. Your girlfriend is an idol. Besides, I’m not really in entertainment. Hankyung-hyung is the truly dysfunctional one.”
“You’re a PD so you count. And don’t be mean to ge.” Donghae said loyally.
“Speaking of him, where is he? I haven’t seen him in a million years.”
“He’s having a tour in China remember?”
Kyuhyun nodded slowly. Indeed, the popular idol had mentioned it awhile back.
“So I guess he’s ‘off’ with Heechul-hyung again?”
“Yup. They are.” A distinct voice came from behind him and Kyuhyun nearly fell off his chair.
Darn. Speak of the devil. Kim Heechul hopped onto the bar stool next to Kyuhyun’s.
“Bloody hell. You’re like a fucking ninja.”
“Newest role remember?” Heechul smiled thinly and raised his vodka to toast them before taking a drink. The girls at the corner seemed to notice and worse, recognize the newest addition and erupted into loud titters.
Kyuhyun and Donghae exchanged amused looks that Heechul vaguely translated as, ‘Fangirls are scary, I’m glad I’m not the one who’s going to get mauled’. Not one to waste time on small talk; Donghae asked,
“No filming tonight?”
“Finished my parts. Supporting actress- the one with the ugly nails- gave the director a headache, so we wrapped up early. Besides, I’m supposed to give Hannie a call tonight.”
Both Kyuhyung and Donghae sported similar raised eyebrows.
“And you just confirmed you and Hankyung-hyung are ‘off’ again?”
“We are.” Heechul calmly crunched on an ice cube, left hand absent-mindedly twirling the jet black hair that curled at the nape.
Kyuhyun mouthed ‘dysfunctional’ to a fairly confused Donghae.
“Aish. Enough about us. I hear trouble’s brewing…uh, figuratively, on your set, Kyuhyun-ah?”
At the mentioned of that, Kyuhyun’s face figuratively turned dark; like a horrible storm.
“Bad news sure travels fast.” He gravely muttered whilst picking apart a poor, defenseless coaster.
“I’m a scheduled guest on your show, but Siwonnie said it’s been delayed till further notice. Did the host really just up and leave?” Heechul asked, raising an eyebrow.
Yes. Stupid bitch really upped and left, leaving the whole production crew high and dry. They had tried to find replacements for her, but they were mediocre at best and downright terrible at worst. Kyuhyun pretended to not care but in reality, was angry and upset; he didn’t want the beloved culinary program of his childhood destroyed in his hands.
Kyuhyun just nodded mutely before he answered tiredly,
“Replacements that various agencies have been offering to us are absolutely crap. Not being able to cook that well is one thing; not having any ability to speak to the camera is another, but it’s hard to tolerate one who doesn’t even have any spirit or enthusiasm when she speaks.”
“That’s a bit of a problem. It’s been a longtime program with great branding and a cult status. Looks like production is halted till the perfect Miss Stir Right appears?” Heechul commented thoughtfully.
That pretty much summed up the whole issue. Kyuhyun wearily sighed,
“If Miss Stir Right ever does appear that is.”
Zhou Mi was a little terrified. He hadn’t done anything wrong. At least, nothing he remembered to be disastrously wrong anyway. So why was hotshot actor Kim Heechul, whom he shared all of three minutes of screen time with giving him a critical, assessing look?
He hadn’t fumbled any lines (not that anyone could go wrong with “Sir, can I get your order/this is our restaurant’s top grade, premium pu’er tea.”) nor did anything spectacularly embarrassing but the drama’s lead actor looked at him for a long time.
“Okay and cut.”
“Thank you for the hard work.” They all bowed and as Zhou Mi turned to flee the set, Heechul called out to him.
“Zhou Mi-sshi! Yeah you. Seasoning!” He spun around slowly as his brain chanted, “oh god, oh god! whaaaat!”
“Yes, Heechul-sshi?” The actor stared at him again for fifteen seconds then grinned like he was Cheshire cat.
“Have you got a minute? You’re just the perfect person!” He grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along. Shock couldn’t even begin to describe how Zhou Mi felt as Heechul dragged him off (despite him being a good head taller than the veteran actor).
Perfect person?
For what?
Inside studio nine, Kyuhyun was annoyed, but the director, a temperamental Shim Changmin looked like he was A) about to kill the newest replacement girl who was attempting to host, B) laugh and throw up or C) kill himself after finishing A and B. It wasn’t a pretty thought but the director’s face color was absolutely terrifying.
Changmin softly but impactfully whispered to Kyuhyun who looked up from his PSP. He’d originally let Changmin play with it a while but once the girl had started; he shook his head and took back his beloved. He was attempting to win again until Changmin seemed to reach the end of the stick.
“How can anyone in the world speaking with such a grating tone like hers? Listening to her talk is somewhat like swallowing broken glass.”
Painful, to say the very least.
Despite their occasional artistic differences, they were actually really close friends and Kyuhyun mostly agreed with Changmin. And this time, he whole-heartedly agreed. Before he decided whether he or Changmin should play bad cop this time (Changmin probably could do it better this round; his face already spelled doom) the studio door was suddenly flung open with a loud noise.
The production crew (whose morale was almost in the gutter already) all turned to look. And the annoying girl, thankfully, stopped talking.
“Heechul-hyung?” Kyuhyun and Changmin called out in unison. Both were puzzled at the sudden appearance of one of the leading men of Korean idol drama. And more strangely, he had a young man by the wrist. Regardless the case, Changmin looked visibly cheered up; Kim Heechul seemed to have this effect on everyone.
Kyuhyun raised his brows. Way to make an entrance.
“Okay. Hyerin-sshi, you can leave now. Thanks. Crew, go for a half an hour break.” The morale in the room seemed to perk up a little.
The girl protested feebly but before she could start speaking, Changmin’s face colour warned her off. Kyuhyun, on the other hand was busy staring at the man whom Heechul had firmly by the wrist. Not really his type, he mused. But the guy really was good looking in a decent, pretty way with sharp facial features, awfully tall and all legs. Not bad at all.
“What’s up, Heenim?”
“I think that was one of Hannie’s conquests.” Heechul commented airily as they watched the girl walk off; his voice with just a hint of darkness.
Ouch.
Heechul shrugged a little, like it didn’t mean much, as he continued importantly,
“Anyway. I’d heard about the host problem you have. So I found just the perfect someone for you all.”
There was a short pause, before they both said,
“Him?”
Zhou Mi had seen the sign outside the studio door before they had barged in. It very clearly said ‘Miss Stir Right’ in bold black letters on white paper. He had been very confused as to what Heechul was doing and was still very much so; though from how things seemed to be unfolding, it probably wasn’t going to be beneficial to him. He blinked frantically.
“Heechul-hyung, this is Miss Stir Right, not… I don’t know, Project Runway. Yeah. He has that I-only-wear-branded-and-designer look.” Kyuhyun grumbled softly. Heechul had obviously lost it.
Zhou Mi didn’t know whether to feel insulted or not.
Changmin had remained silent though and looked at him with the same critical eye that Heechul did. Heechul gave Kyuhyun a rather victorious smirk as Changmin tilted his head a bit as if considering something. Kyuhyun’s stomach sank.
“Actually, I can see it.”
“Changmin. It’s Miss Stir Right.” Kyuhyun emphasized on the ‘miss’. Didn’t that mean anything to the pair? And the man, despite his rather good looks, was very obviously not-female.
“And Miss he will be.” Changmin whipped out his cellphone and made a quick call.
“Introduce us first, Heenim?”
“Oh yes, I forgot.”
“Seasoning, these two are the head honchos of this show, the Director and producer of Miss Stir Right, Shim Changmin and Cho Kyuhyun.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened a little in recognition of the two names and he bowed politely. They were two very well known figures in television production; both young and exceptionally talented. From what Zhou Mi had heard from the grapevine(also the primary source of industry gossip, a certain popular variety show host named Park Jungsu), these two were to bring the ailing, once illustrious program back to life.
“And this is Zhou Mi, whom… frankly, I don’t know anything about. I’ve just met him today on my drama set. But I’m very certain he’s the Miss Stir Right you’re looking for.” Heechul insisted happily. Zhou Mi could have sworn his heart was going to fall out. How was he going to be able to do this?
“Why are you two so certain?” Kyuhyun looked at Zhou Mi a bit disdainfully, but also with a hint of shy reservation that no one picked up on. The producer didn’t seem to like him very much. Pity, the young man was really quite good looking... Darn. What was he doing!
“Trust me, you hang around Jaejoong-hyung long enough, you’d see it immediately.” Changmin muttered darkly. Heechul laughed before he replied vaguely,
“Intuition.”
“What intuition?” The voice of one of Kyuhyun’s closest friends floated from the doorway. A sight for sore eyes (or maybe, quite the opposite sometimes, given his fashion choices); senior stylist Lee Sungmin stood at the doorway. From behind him, another young and pretty face popped up; Sungmin’s assistant/parter-in-crime, Ryeowook waved excitedly to them.
“Hyung? What are you guys doing here?” Kyuhyun called, slightly confused.
“Kyuhyun-ah!” The pair enthusiastically greeted him in their usual fashion (read: glomped) before Sungmin put on his business-like, terrifying-professional-stylist tone and turned to Changmin.
“We were doing work on dream team’s set; Minho-ah said Yunho said you needed us for an emergency? Full kit needed?”
Changmin nodded brusquely. Zhou Mi got the distinct impression that everything sounded very much like in a major operation.
“Pretty much. I need you two to transform him into Miss Stir Right.”
Ryeowook cocked his head to the side adorably while Sungmin tapped his index finger on his chin lightly. Both stylists blinked prettily in unison while staring at him, as if considering the possibility.
“Okay.”
That was the last thing Zhou Mi heard before being hauled into a dressing room.
A good twenty minutes later, the crew had returned from their lunch break and Kyuhyun was getting a little antsy. Changmin had very confidently told them a new host was going to be in and they could definitely start filming in a heartbeat. The crew had been very excited; the boost in their morale from lunch and the good news was astounding.
Kyuhyun didn’t know whether he should feel the same sort of optimism though. Changmin had given him a non-Changmin-esque expression which he translated it to be, “Have faith”. But Kyuhyun did feel a pool of excitement in his stomach. Perhaps the young man could be transformed into Miss Stir Right; after all, he had managed to convince but some of Kyuhyun’s most pretty-boy friends. All of them whom he’d seen dressed up as girls for some occasion or the other- whether for official station events or otherwise.
Sungmin’s irritated tone broke him out from his thoughts.
“Come out before I make you. We didn’t spend a quarter of an hour just to have you hide in the dressing room.”
Zhou Mi mumbled something in reply; Kyuhyun vaguely heard ‘never in a million years’. Well. That sounded… pretty ominous. Changmin, ever impatient, got up from his director’s seat (a reverent hush fell over the crew) and walked over to the dressing room. From Kyuhyun’s angle, he was unable to see very much but he definitely could see Changmin’s huge smile as he looked into the dressing room. That was before Changmin immediately went into frosty mode and gave him the signature ‘come-out-otherwise-I’ll-make-sure-you’ll-never-step-foot-into-this-station-again’ look which he had probably learnt from the industry veterans who he was close to.
A good natured push from behind-Ryeowook probably- and Zhou Mi stumbled out.
Embarrassed beyond words, Zhou Mi peered at the crew as he smoothed out his skirt. He stole a look at the irritating and cynical but gorgeous producer who was blatantly staring at him and felt his face heat up. He was wearing an off-shoulder, ruffled sunshine yellow blouse with a knee-length mocha-colored peasant skirt and a pristine, white apron above it all. It should have been extremely uncomfortable, but weirdly enough, wasn’t. Ryeowook had very cleverly given him black pumps (“trust me; you’re not ready for heels yet.”) and a long curly wig that was a lovely shade of mahogany. Sungmin had expertly done his makeup (the fake eyelashes had hurt. A lot.) and when Zhou Mi had finally looked into the mirror; he was surprised.
He actually looked convincing as a female for once. The last time he had tried to cross-dress, on a school show as a favor for a friend when he was much younger, his best friend had laughed for the longest time and told him he didn’t suit the geisha look(which he very unfortunately was in). This was different and definitely much more comfortable. He walked gingerly behind Changmin who introduced him briefly to the crew.
Sungmin plonked his signature pink kit onto the table next to Kyuhyun.
“I knew you’d approve.”
“What.” Kyuhyun only half-heard Sungmin. Somehow, for some weird reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off the newcomer. Sungmin smirked.
“You like.”
Kyuhyun sputtered a bit and looked as if he swallowed a lemon.
“I do not.”
“Kyu-ah likes Zhou Mimi.” Sungmin said sing-songingly.
“Do not. Besides, why are you calling him Mimi.” Kyuhyun frowned a little. Sungmin laughed and flicked him on the forehead.
“Stupid. You do like him. Or at least think he’s cute anyway. I saw your face when I came in. And why can’t I call him Mimi? I just performed a miracle on him.” The last part was said with a supercilious expression, while Kyuhyun cursed softly under his breath, rubbing his forehead.
“Go ask him out ‘kay. I think you’d at least be able to have a proper conversation with him. He’s a fashion design graduate! ”
“He is? What the hell is he doing here then?” Kyuhyun asked, puzzled. And, as always, Sungmin and Ryeowook really could ask anything out of anyone.
“Something about a buffer year, right Wookie?”
Ryeowook nodded as he arranged various accessories in his own pink case.
“Both Jongwoon-hyung and Henry know Zhou Mi.”
“As in, Henry the sound technician and Muzit's Yesung-hyung?” Kyuhyun clarified.
Ryeowook nodded his agreement.
So Zhou Mi wasn’t exactly that much of an unknown then.
“I’ve met him before prior to this actually.” Added Ryeowook helpfully.
Both Sungmin and Kyuhyun looked at him interestedly; curiosity piqued.
“He does freelance at W and Elle girl. I was there helping Yoona when I met him.”
“He is a freelance model? I’d never have thought.” Said Kyuhyun slightly agog.
“Well, he can look really good dressed up. And not just as a girl.” Sungmin mimed a frame with his hands where Zhou Mi was standing listening to Changmin’s instructions.
He put his hands down and smirked at Kyuhyun who was frowning slightly.
“Don’t worry. He’s not really my type.”
Before Kyuhyun could even formulate an answer; Sungmin said,
“Yes. He is. If you were wondering. ”
“I…I’m not wondering anything besides if he’d make a decent Miss Stir Right. My program is on the line here.”
“Whatever you say Kyuhyun-ah.” He raised an eyebrow at Ryeowook who nodded affirmatively, with a similar innocent but sinister smile.
“Sheesh. With friends like you two, who needs enemies?” grumbled Kyuhyun good naturedly. Sungmin smiled widely and leaned into him, pinching his cheek.
“HA. Of course you love us, Kyu-ah. Anyway. I really hope he’s not hopeless. He does look a bit fail, but maybe not?”
As Kyuhyun found out a short while later; Zhou Mi was sortareallyhopeless actually. Kyuhyun chuckled a bit.
But hopelessly adorable.
He continuously looked into the wrong camera and didn’t follow the script. He was oddly nervous and smiled at the weirdest times, like when he was frying garlic (and burning it a little) but spoke with a tone of confidence. He almost knocked over a pan but fortunately caught it just in time; which both prevented an accident and gave interesting comedic effect.
Zhou Mi was flustered. He actually could cook, quite well in fact; in both Korean and Chinese and a few other styles. He wasn’t your average mid-twenties guy who couldn’t cook to save his life; but ever since he came to Korea, he had to survive on takeout and cafeteria food.
And he was so damned nervous.
He knew he wasn’t following the cues properly and improvised his own lines (really, in his defense, some of the original lines had sounded very idiotic) but he tried his very best. The director and producer had simply left him to be and had not stopped him but instead chose to watch. In particular the producer, he had an interesting expression across his handsome boyish visage, one that seemed somewhat… amused.
Oh god. What was he doing really. How could he be Miss Stir Right?
When they finally called ‘cut’, all Zhou Mi wanted to do was slump to the ground and hide.
But instead of an expected tongue-lashing, there was a ripple of applause from the excited crew. The exhausted head cameraman (they said his name was Kim Kibum, not to be confused with actor Kim Kibum and idol group U-kiss’s Kim Kibum) even gave him a thumb up despite all the gaffes he made.
They thought he was good?
The director and producer walked over to the counter and Zhou Mi felt his heart about to fall out again. What Changmin said next was something Zhou Mi never thought he’d hear in a million years.
“Not bad. Keep up the good work. I expect to see you back here on Friday; the first guests will be on.”
He felt himself floating on air.
Changmin turned to Kyuhyun and patted his back smiling,
“I’ll leave you to wrap up; I have to attend a station meeting. Call me if anything crops up.”
Kyuhyun nodded as Changmin walked off the set.
“Send my regards to Yunho-hyung.”
He turned around and looked Zhou Mi in the eye.
“You’re… better than I expected.”
The taller man gave a squeak of surprise.
“I…”
“I thought you would be absolutely useless at this. But I guess not.”
“Excuse me?” Zhou Mi felt a bit offended but Kyuhyun was technically… paying him a compliment? He felt an odd rush of warmth.
“You are somewhat awful at this whole hosting thing and obviously have no idea how to follow instructions. I was practically shouting at the cameramen to switch views every few seconds since you look everywhere but the camera you were supposed to look at. And you are probably the clumsiest person I’ve ever seen; I swear to god I thought Changmin would get a coronary when you fumbled with that burning pan…”
Or maybe not.
“I’m not experienced okay. And I was the one forced here by you all, and having to dress like this. So I’m sorry, Mr. hot-shot producer if I don’t live up to your standards.” Zhou Mi spit out somewhat indignantly (not caring if he mangled his Korean) and crossed his arms. Kyuhyun was a bit surprised; it was as if his pet goldfish just started speaking.
“I haven’t finished speaking, you doofus.”
“Oh.”
As if Zhou Mi hadn’t heard enough though.
”However retarded you were; it was okay. You were very natural and charming. And you handled everything pretty well. Most importantly, you have spirit, something a lot of the previous hosts didn’t. And… you actually look nice in that outfit.” The last bit Kyuhyun mumbled out softly but Zhou Mi definitely heard it.
He felt the warmth coming back into him again.
How was it that the younger man (he presumed) managed to make him feel hot and cold at the same time?
Oh, get a grip on yourself, Mi.
“T-thanks.”
The two slightly awkwardly stood still for a moment, looking at each other. Zhou Mi chewed his bottom lip slightly and tasted cotton candy, which left him briefly wondering where the heck Sungmin got the lip gloss from.
“So… yeah. You survived this round, but you’ve got to earn your way for the next. It won’t be so easy since we’re bringing guests on. And you
better not fail.”
Was the producer challenging him?
Kyuhyun had an expression that indicated so and Zhou MI smiled slightly.
“I won’t.”
Game on.
Miss Stir Right; fundamentally a cooking program but they also brought on guests every other episode. It was somewhat like The Rachel Ray show - an intimate and comfortable, yet non-boring cooking show. When it first started in 1995, it became wildly popular for its pretty host, witty dialogue and not-impossible delicious recipes. The varied guests which were traditionally stars of their industry also garnered a lot of attention.
“Qian-ah, I’m not sure what I’m doing.” Song Qian looked up towards her friend from her place on the floor where she was doing a split.
“Ge, I don’t understand what you’re so bothered about. You’ve gotten your big break! Isn’t this what you’ve been looking forward to?” She smiled encouragingly.
Zhou Mi continued to fret uselessly. The girl shook her head and dusted herself off as she stood up.
“I really have no idea why you’re so stressed. You’re doing fine! I was so surprised when Heechul-oppa asked me the other day at the TRAX MV filming if I was familiar with your name. Then he told me by coincidence he recommended you for Miss Stir Right. I was so jealous.” She mock-pouted.
“Really?” He asked tentatively, slight hope bubbling in his chest.
“Really. I watched your pilot episode, it was good. Um, a little rough at the edges but still good.” She grinned.
“You proved that you really could do entertainment like you always thought.”
Zhou Mi took a buffer year to set out to try to prove that he could do something else besides what his life dictated it to be. His parents let him and he tried his hand at entertainment in Korea which was, rather far from home. Modeling paid the bills and satisfied his love for fashion; but it was sometimes dull and unsuitable for him. His personality didn’t suit it.
“But I think my producer hates me.” He admitted a little sadly.
“Who could hate you, hmm?”
“Miss Stir Right’s producer apparently.”
She tried to recall for a moment.
“You’re working with… Changmin-sshi and Kyuhyun-sshi?”
“Changmin-sshi is alright. He’s quite friendly. Kuixian on the other hand, I think doesn’t like me.”
There was a pause.
“You just called him Kuixian.”
His eyes widened and his hands flailed.
“I-I…”
“I’m not even going to bother to tease you. He’s a nice person really. A bit glued to his PSP during breaks but still fairly nice.”
Not to me, at least. He thought glumly.
“Anyway. I hear 2pm might appear on your show. Tell me when they do, okay! I want autographs.”
A familiar voice ghosted his back suddenly.
“I’m not sure if our viewers would be inspired if they knew you were reading ‘Cooking for dummies’.”
Zhou Mi jumped a little and Kyuhyun snickered.
“What the hell, Kuixian. You scared the hell out of me. A weaker person would have died and you’d be left with no more host and Changmin-sshi would probably go on a rampage.”
Zhou Mi grimaced and put the book back on the shelf.
“But I guess I’m glad you’re attempting to make an effort to improve your skills. As you said, since you’re not dead yet, I imply that you’re not a weaker person. I’m not sure how reading helps though.”
“And you’re some expert, oh superior one?”
Kyuhyun grinned sunnily; albeit with a touch of malevolence.
“But of course. I’ve watched this show my whole life. I just don’t cook.”
Zhou Mi just sighed dramatically. He knew he could cook but the unnaturally high heat intimidated him a bit and the multiple cameras occasionally confused him still.
“Why so glum, Miss Stir Right? If you really want to improve, just practice more. Some of the previous hosts couldn’t cook even if their lives depended on it either. You’re doing a lot better nowadays and at least you got the hosting part down pat.”
Gasp. Was Kyuhyun actually encouraging him?
Kyuhyun glanced at his incredulous expression and turned a bit red.
“It’s not a compliment. As in, I’m not saying being able to host itself will save you. You have to practice cooking more. This is after all, a cooking program.”
Zhou Mi beamed and nodded but a glum expression suddenly crept in.
“I… haven’t got a place to practice though. My landlord refuses to allow me to cook inside my apartment.”
Kyuhyun looked at him witheringly like he was stupid. The same look he gave his game console when he lost and thought no one was watching. Not that Zhou Mi was watching.
“You mean that’s all there is to your problem?”
“Is it not bad enough, Kuixian?”
“I have a fully equipped kitchen courtesy of Ryeowook hyung which I completely don’t use.”
Cho Kyuhyun, if you wanted to ask him over, that wasn’t exactly the most direct sentence, Kyuhyun thought dimly.
Zhou Mi hadn’t noticed but instead was giving him an even more incredulous expression than before.
“Seriously?”
“Y-you… want to come over to use my kitchen? And I can be your audience if you need.” Kyuhyun spit out slightly embarrassedly; hoping Zhou Mi didn’t notice his embarrassment.
“Oh my god. Of course I do. I never thought you would.” cried Zhou Mi excitedly, clutching at his arm in a death grip and even bouncing a bit. He really wanted to be able to cook properly and having access to a good kitchen and willing audience was a god send.
Schooling his face back into a mask of seriousness (but sort of bursting in joy underneath), Kyuhyun said,
“As I say, anything for the success of Miss Stir Right. But I’m definitely not going to go easy on you.”
Zhou Mi shot him a grin.
Kyuhyun’s apartment was actually quite unlike him, masculine and detailed; spotless but relaxed.
A sleek black baby grand piano sat in its place of glory next to a giant rack of CDs; a cushy grey suede sofa was littered with game controllers and no less than three game consoles plugged into the giant TV.
Zhou Mi stood facing a beautiful teak shelf with numerous books of many different genres, his non-fiction ranged from cooking to travel to music to photography- very similar to Zhou Mi’s own bookcase at home. His fiction collection surprised Zhou Mi more; an odd assortment of classic literature (both western and Korean), some crime and mystery titles and a couple of sappy romances.
On top of the shelf was an adorable wooden toy engine; slightly out of place but very charming.
“Bookworm.” Kyuhyun teased lightly; offering him a cold drink. Accepting the drink, Zhou Mi rolled his eyes for effect but grinned and said,
“Says the guy with a bookshelf with titles that could beat those of a small library.”
They’d become closer after hours at studio nine; but they weren’t really friends. Friends to Kyuhyun (he’d noticed after a while) were the director, the stylists Sungmin and Ryeowook, Muzit’s host Yesung, composer Kim Jonghyun and young actors like Choi Minho and Lee Taemin among many others. Kyuhyun was also actually very close to Heechul, he found out.
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun weren’t actually really friends. But the host definitely still had an attraction to the producer.
Zhou Mi chewed his lip thoughtfully as the awkwardness set in again.
“Ah, you bought ingredients.” Kyuhyun noted the bags that currently occupied his dining table.
“A-ah. Yes.” Twirl twirl, fidget fidget.
“So you’re going to cook now? You have to explain step by step the entire procedure.” Kyuhyun was using his Mean Producer voice again.
Game on, Zhou Mimi.
His eyes sparked with intensity once more.
In between ‘takes’ (when the food was cooking in the oven), they would share a story or a piece of gossip at the station (“They say Heechul was flirting with the sound technician.” Pause. “Heechul hyung flirts with everyone.”) And when they were finally done, there was a whole tableful of food waiting for them.
“At least I have leftovers for the rest of the week.” Kyuhyun mused as Zhou Mi looked a bit embarrassed and tired and mussed. Kyuhyun tentatively snuck a bite and grudgingly proclaimed it good. Which- Zhou Mi proudly thought- actually really was.
Once the dishes were done, he demanded the younger man play the piano for him (Kuixian, you said you would play if I washed the dishes) and realized he was actually quite a musical genius. And Kyuhyun invited him to play some racing game on his Wii and Zhou Mi got owned.
(“Owned?” “Ah huh. It means you lost to me completely”)
They could be friends. Or maybe, something even more. As Zhou Mi grimly thought as he got home and scrubbed his designer jeans free of grease, Kyuhyun might have definitely possibly owned his heart.
"And today our recipe involves..."
Zhou Mi never got around to saying what the recipe involved because there was a loud crash when the door slammed open; revealing a young man running in flustered and promptly falling flat on his face.
The sound technician swore loudly. Fortunately they were not filming a live episode, thought Zhou Mi, because he pretty much wanted to simultaneously burst into laughter and cry at the same time.
"The fuck, Jinki?" the head cameraman stood up, arms crossed and glaring daggers.
The director wearily called for a timeout and the producer simply shook his head and helped him up like this happened on a regular basis anyway.
"I’m so sorry I interrupted! But I really need help here." Jinki practically wailed, wringing his hands.
"Wait, what happened? Weren’t you at studio six filming some indoor scene?" demanded key.
"Studio six?"
Zhou Mi could practically see the cogs turning in the heads of both Changmin and Kyuhyun who looked at each other wordlessly. This was going to be highly complicated; of this he was very sure.
"Yes. We were filming halfway through, and suddenly Heechul hyung had this distant faraway look then stopped and he suddenly just left the studio. Taemin was chasing after him and I didn't know what to do so I came to get help."
"Heechul hyung? This had better not be one of his diva tantrums." muttered Kyuhyun, thought he knew it could not be.
"I don't know; he seemed upset over something."
Kyuhyun's eyes softened a little. Heechul could be a diva sometimes, but he was a consummate professional and always gave it his all.
"Okay, don't panic. If it's really that serious, I’ll get hold of Yunho hyung and Kyuhyun will get Eeteuk hyung." Kyuhyun nodded, already dialing familiar numbers. Jinki looked marginally encouraged but withered when Key gave him an ‘I-hate-you’ expression and complained that he wasn’t taking good care of their son while madly texting on his cell phone.
They broke up to search the station for Heechul.
"You’re confused, aren't you." Kyuhyun asked dryly.
Zhou Mi nodded, curls bobbing. There was practically no time so he had just rushed out after he switched into sneakers.
"Terribly."
“I’ll explain later; for now we’ve got to find them first. This station can be a bit mad on some days.”
A bit was a gross understatement.
He hadn't meant to overhear; swear to god, but he couldn't help but not listen to the conversation.
Heechul had sounded weary and genuinely upset, very different from the award winning actor with the devil-may-care attitude.
"Taemin-ah, just go away. I’m okay."
No, he wasn't okay, not by a long shot.
Zhou Mi peeked and saw the younger actor lightly pounding on the door- Heechul must have locked the door from the inside.
"Hyung, talk to me. I’m old enough to listen and understand."
There was silence and Taemin sat on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees; rocking slightly.
"Hyung, I’m sorry. I lied. Maybe I really won't. Understand I mean. I know it hurts to see the person you love walk away from you though. Just like in our script, Soon-ah tells Daeshin that she will always love him even though he wants nothing to do with her? I think I might know how that feels."
There was momentary, resonating silence.
"Taeminnie. It’s not the same. Minho-goon is a bit stupid but he loves you. But Daeshin doesn't love Soon-ah anymore."
Zhou Mi suspected from the tone of Heechul's voice, that the older man was crying.
This was not his place anymore, he realized. He walked towards the main corridor and fished out his phone from the apron pocket.
"Mi found Heechul hyung and Taemin. They’re at the tenth floor of building A." said Kyuhyun as he rounded up the motley crew.
"Hyung!" Taemin exclaimed, standing up. He wasn't crying but his eyes looked a little wet.
Jinki patted his back reassuringly while mouthing 'it's okay'.
"Heechul-ah, open the door." Eeteuk called quietly. There was no response from behind the door.
"Kim Heechul, if you don't open this door I’m going to knock it down and I will get Siwon to deduct it from your fees." the station director threatened, looking fairly impressive in his pressed Christian Dior suit.
There was a long pause as everyone waited to see if Heechul would respond to Yunho’s threat. The door slowly opened but Heechul refused to come back in; so the two men went outside instead.
Just as Zhou Mi thought today couldn't possibly get any more dramatic or exciting, a tall figure sprinted towards them and enveloped Taemin in a tight hug before anyone said anything.
"Minho hyung?"
Ah.
"Let’s just leave them be, we still have a casserole to bake." Kyuhyun said wryly.
"They all have issues." he whispered while whisking the Miss Stir Right crew back into their studio.
Heechul was never really a crier; but one would think otherwise, the way he was sobbing into Yunho's expensive suit with Eeteuk holding his hand and rubbing his back.
"I just knew that the scriptwriter should have rewritten the lines."
"It's not about Soon-ah or Daeshin. Okay, maybe it partially is. It led me to think that... this time it's really over for real." He said resignedly.
"Why would you say so, Heechul?" asked Yunho. He had been in a meeting when Changmin called him; but when he saw Eeteuk’s worried form outside his office, the meeting became of secondary importance- the host was supposed to be at an event but obviously bailed.
Both he and Eeteuk understood how Heechul could be feeling.
"He’s stopped loving me."
Yunho sighed as Eeteuk started tearing up with that one statement. Personally, he was never a crier.
"Kim Heechul, where's your usual confident spirit? Aren't you always declaring that no one will ever stop liking you?" accused Eeteuk in a shaky voice. He had his own personal demons when it came to relationships and was now reminded of them.
“Why would you say that? Have you been speaking to Hankyung?” Yunho was attempting the whole ‘voice of reason and rational thinking’ but it was going to hell very soon. Heechul’s melancholy seemed to infect; like an incurable virus.
“I haven’t spoken to him in maybe three months?” Heechul admitted quietly. Nobody would ever guess it, but insecurity seemed to bleed out from his every pore. Yunho suddenly remembered what Heechul had said on Youngstreet, his radio show three days ago.
"Sometimes, Heechul, you can’t really put a tag on love. You are never clearly either in love or not, sometimes... it's a strange limbo." Yunho said carefully.
"I hate Jaejoong sometimes. What has he done to you?"
Yunho smiled bitterly.
"Is this why Jae has been telling me that you should stop finding trouble with him?"
"But he broke your heart!"
"He did. He does. But I’m still in love with him and will always be."
“I don’t want to be this way. Not like you or Teukie. I don’t want to be a scorned lover.” Heechul crossed his arms. He looked pitiful, all puffy eyes and reddened nose. Yunho made a ‘tch’ noise- not sure whether he should laugh or succumb to Heechul’s depression that was quickly affecting him as well.
“But Hankyung loves you; you know he cares for you a great deal. He cancelled his last tour for you remember?” whispered Eeteuk gently.
Sudden memories came- a warm presence and low hushed whispers in a mixture of Korean and Chinese at his bedside as his entire body bore scars and unimaginable; unspeakable pain.
Heechul kept silent but the tears just came harder and harsher, blurring his vision.
The three just sat there the entire afternoon, a perfect tableau; the epitome of misery.
Grand love stories are like a never-ending feast; sumptuous with a multitude of flavors and textures but hard to digest and painful sometimes.
“Minho hyung. I don’t need that grand love story; I just want to be by your side.”
Minho wiped the shimmering tear from Taemin’s eye away and wrapped the younger into a tight embrace. He was a fool; a somber, self-serving one but he could never find it in himself to hurt the one person he cherished most.
He pressed a kiss on his forehead; one that represented that he agreed too.
part two