The problem is Jeff... I, don't want her to fade out. for once I had found someone who was perfect for me.. we shared so much in common it was crazy, but we had enough differences to make things interesting.. I hate talking on the phone, I despise it.. but Luke can vouch for me, I would talk to her on the phone for hours.. we would call each other like almost every day.. she was so happy, i was so happy.. together nothing could touch us, then it all came crashing down.. we swore that no matter what happened we would be together in the end. I know she is so young, believe me i fought myself more times than can be counted over the first night i kissed her.. So many times I thought to just call it off.. there was so much at stake so much that could be lost... my life literally was in her hands, she said or did the wrong thing and my entire future was ruined. But i accepted that and was willing to live with it. I trusted her completely, but I was afraid. I was afraid of hurting her, i was afraid of not being who she thought I was.
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i'm not talking about her in general, the feelings, they will go away with time. Something that i've not told you yet is that while she may still have feelings for you she dosn't want you anymore... I'm sorry bro, I didn't want to tell you, but it is a nessessity. Don't do anything rash, I know you man.
makes sense now.. that explains why she has been avoiding me like the god damn plague. yeah i still have very strong feelings for her, wish i didn't but I do. But if she wants to stay friends then she needs to atleast talk to me. That is what I miss the most, she use to talk to me all the time about everything.. now she doesn't say two words to me as if it's a fuckin crime to speak to me. I'm tired of it jeff. I'm god damn tired of people coming into my life and being all nice and getting along with them so great and having so much fun and then poof they want no part of me anymore. it's happened with rachael, it's happened with kayla, and now it looks like it's happening with brittney. I mean if it's something I'm doing then for fucks sake someone tell me! I take every relationship very seriously and to the core, no matter what type of relationship it is. My biggest weakpoint as many people know is that I care way too much. and I care way way too much for brittney apparently.. geezus i'm pissed now and I don't know why. i
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