Oh me
I feel like this should begin with “here I go”. I’m giving a full-on, honest statement to the press upon late events. There's so much more, but this won't happen too often. At least not on Livejournal.
Steven…
I love love him. But, I love the past experiences with him more than the current ones. Granted, I’ve changed, but I didn’t want *us* to change in spite of the “no sex, no touchy, less time” rule, which I do feel bad about but was certain it would make me less crazeh.
Does that mean that we won’t work anymore? I sometimes think so. But, then I think that if we could just get things back the way they used to be, life would be lovely. I’m just not sure how to do that…
I want us to be sweet, but not obsessive. I want us to do random things and I want him to smile more. I want to be the one who is more paranoid and I want him to be sad when we can’t see each other but not in an angry way. And at those times, I want him to find other things to do. I want him to shush his violent side and remove the words “piss”, “ass”, and “shit” from his vocabulary and when he is mad, I want him to not yell and get all…huffy. When he is offended, I want him to ignore the person who offended him and focus on other things and when we’re together I just want it to be us without any worry of any one/thing else.
And I want things to be like this…
Ok so. Um. Tonight was good fantastic. That Steven boy sure has done something to my head. He came over and we watched "American Grafitti". Good film. Afterward that and a quick art talk with mum, we went to Mi Pueblitos and watched each other scarf down Mexican. Terribly romantic, eh? Normally, no. But with him, it just worked. He does that to things.
Anyway, we left the restaurant and stopped into CVS for a disposable camera for artistic purposes. Then, we went to *our* graveyard for much fabulous picture taking and just a wonderful time altogether. It. Was. Great.
Like in September. Minus the …things. ::sigh::
I guess I’ll move on…
Friends…
Need them more than anything and don’t always feel like they’re here. Or when they are, they’re fake. I’m so sick of defending Stevenandme to them and it would be so much easier if we talked about other things unless I need to bring it up. Which I don’t think I would much.
-Graham…
Hey…he’s my Graham. I ♥ him forever and that’s just grand. Noone can touch that, but he’s been down and he has to stop that because for some reason I need him to be there for me lately. He’s the only one to whom I feel really comfortable talking. And it’s good that he just listens calmly/quietly and gives good calm responses. I’m not saying I’m madly in love with Graham, but he gets me more lately.
-Maggie…
I miss the old days with Maggie, too. She was my artsy fartsy friend who didn’t care what the preppy kids thought and was cynical and sarcastic and not at all “omg my life is SO fab” like she is now. I miss the real her. She seems to have gone somewhere. Maybe when we’re alone she’s still her, but with people, I find it hard to deal with fluffy Maggie. I just want the old Maggie back. I doubt she’d be ok with that, though.
-Emily…
We just keep butting heads. If we could stop clashing madly that’d be fine. And if she’d stop thinking I’ve got it all (or something) because I so don’t.
….if there is a topic I missed, feel free to comment anonymously or whatever and I’ll hit it, but I just got lazy. Please, no meanness, even though I can be mean.
I feel so swimmy headed and odd. I LOATHE that. Why can’t I be normal, ever???
I guess I felt crappy before… Le sigh.
I need hugs. And no fighting. And peace. And fun. And love. And sleep. But not so much alone. I need people.
~*M*~
Steven…
I love love him. But, I love the past experiences with him more than the current ones. Granted, I’ve changed, but I didn’t want *us* to change in spite of the “no sex, no touchy, less time” rule, which I do feel bad about but was certain it would make me less crazeh.
Does that mean that we won’t work anymore? I sometimes think so. But, then I think that if we could just get things back the way they used to be, life would be lovely. I’m just not sure how to do that…
I want us to be sweet, but not obsessive. I want us to do random things and I want him to smile more. I want to be the one who is more paranoid and I want him to be sad when we can’t see each other but not in an angry way. And at those times, I want him to find other things to do. I want him to shush his violent side and remove the words “piss”, “ass”, and “shit” from his vocabulary and when he is mad, I want him to not yell and get all…huffy. When he is offended, I want him to ignore the person who offended him and focus on other things and when we’re together I just want it to be us without any worry of any one/thing else.
And I want things to be like this…
Ok so. Um. Tonight was good fantastic. That Steven boy sure has done something to my head. He came over and we watched "American Grafitti". Good film. Afterward that and a quick art talk with mum, we went to Mi Pueblitos and watched each other scarf down Mexican. Terribly romantic, eh? Normally, no. But with him, it just worked. He does that to things.
Anyway, we left the restaurant and stopped into CVS for a disposable camera for artistic purposes. Then, we went to *our* graveyard for much fabulous picture taking and just a wonderful time altogether. It. Was. Great.
Like in September. Minus the …things. ::sigh::
I guess I’ll move on…
Friends…
Need them more than anything and don’t always feel like they’re here. Or when they are, they’re fake. I’m so sick of defending Stevenandme to them and it would be so much easier if we talked about other things unless I need to bring it up. Which I don’t think I would much.
-Graham…
Hey…he’s my Graham. I ♥ him forever and that’s just grand. Noone can touch that, but he’s been down and he has to stop that because for some reason I need him to be there for me lately. He’s the only one to whom I feel really comfortable talking. And it’s good that he just listens calmly/quietly and gives good calm responses. I’m not saying I’m madly in love with Graham, but he gets me more lately.
-Maggie…
I miss the old days with Maggie, too. She was my artsy fartsy friend who didn’t care what the preppy kids thought and was cynical and sarcastic and not at all “omg my life is SO fab” like she is now. I miss the real her. She seems to have gone somewhere. Maybe when we’re alone she’s still her, but with people, I find it hard to deal with fluffy Maggie. I just want the old Maggie back. I doubt she’d be ok with that, though.
-Emily…
We just keep butting heads. If we could stop clashing madly that’d be fine. And if she’d stop thinking I’ve got it all (or something) because I so don’t.
….if there is a topic I missed, feel free to comment anonymously or whatever and I’ll hit it, but I just got lazy. Please, no meanness, even though I can be mean.
I feel so swimmy headed and odd. I LOATHE that. Why can’t I be normal, ever???
I guess I felt crappy before… Le sigh.
I need hugs. And no fighting. And peace. And fun. And love. And sleep. But not so much alone. I need people.
~*M*~