serpentqueen13: Look At Me Now (Draco/Morag, PG/PG-13)
Title: Look At Me Now
Author: serpentqueen13
Rating: PG/PG-13
Prompt Set: 100.3
Prompt: 19 ~New
Word Count: 1,316
Summary: Luna gets her own show and has an old friend on to set her up. (This is why Calypso should not be forced to watch daytime TV like Maury)
Warnings: Copious amounts of crack, script format, Various uses of Muggle music, implied cross-dressing, implied kink. Not for those without a sense of humour.
Notes: Many thanks to sappholococcus for her help with Draco, and putting up with the cracky madness.
[We find ourselves in a gaudily decorated sound studio, surrounded by an AUDIENCE of ADORING FANS. Pan over to the stools where LUNA LOVEGOOD is seated with a dreamy smile on her face. Cue ethereal music, and pan over the AUDIENCE, landing on LUNA again as the music ends.]
LUNA: Greetings and salutations to everyone and every creature with us today! And a special welcome to our listeners on the Wizarding Wireless Network, and of course the Jelycall Cats in the Colonies--that's the United States of America, of course, cats don't live in colonies, you silly people!
AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause.]
LUNA: [smiles] Today we have a show to make even the meanest people turn over a new leaf! It's called--'You Never Noticed Me In School, But Look At Me Now!'
AUDIENCE: [raucous applause and cheers]
LUNA: Our first guest is an old friend of mine, though she's changed quite a bit from when we used to have sleepovers on the roof of Ravenclaw Tower! I think we have a picture of her back then...
[A picture flashes on the screen behind Luna of a skinny redheaded girl, overly tall for her weight with poofy curly hair, her arms full of books as she smiled wanly at the camera, dressed in a mussed school uniform.]
LUNA: Yes, that's it. Everyone, please welcome my old friend, and now professional femme fatale, Morag MacDougal!
[House lights dim, while red and blue come on, camera pans over to the side ramp as the song 'Supermodel (You Better Work)' from the Muggle RuPaul begins to play. MORAG walks out, in a skimpy outfit that's just this side of tasteful, an impossibly small black skirt, transparent black lace tube top that shows off a green silk bra, that's more for decoration than anything else, and black-high-heeled boots that run past her knees. She struts down the ramp and then down the runway, winking flirtatiously at a man that tried to throw himself on the catwalk. After turning, she walks back and sits down on a stool next to LUNA.]
MORAG: It's great to see you again, Luna.
LUNA: It's nice to see you again too, though you've changed quite a bit. Why don't you tell our fascinated listeners what prompted these changes, even though we all know looks don't matter. Not everyone can see the thestrals, and they're very important.
MORAG: [blushes] Well, I always had this crush back in Hogwarts, ever since fourth year, but he never really noticed me unless I got in trouble.
AUDIENCE: [sympathetic noises and 'awws']
LUNA: I know who your talking about, but why don't you tell the audience a bit more? Who was this boy?
MORAG: [pauses, quietly] Draco Malfoy.
[The screen behind LUNA and MORAG changes to display the image of DRACO MALFOY waiting in the green room, looking infinitely bored as the chorus of the Divinyls 'When I Think About You I Touch Myself' plays.]
MORAG: [turns and stares at the screen.] That's him...I had a crush on him for ages, but I was a mousy Ravenclaw back then--not able to make him notice me.
LUNA: [pets MORAG's hair] Well, we'll see if he notices you today. Why don't you head backstage again and we'll bring out Draco?
[MORAG nods and walks back up the ramp, ignoring the teasing catcalls from MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS.]
LUNA: Well, why don't we bring out Draco?
[House lights dim and camera pans over to the other ramp, Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' playing, as DRACO saunters down the ramp, dressed immaculately in tailored robes and imported silk, every strand of his blond hair perfectly in place. He smiles at the audience, but ignores their cheers, as if they are his due, and takes his seat elegantly on the stool next to LUNA.]
DRACO: What am I doing here, Loony?
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE CORMAC MCLAGGEN: Arsehole!
LUNA: You've been brought here today to reunite you with someone from school, whom you never noticed much. [The screen behind them changes back to the picture of young!MORAG as the chorus of Aqua's 'Barbie Girl' plays.] Do you recognise her? [gestures to the screen]
DRACO: [squints at the screen] Yeah, that's MacDougal. Had to oversee a detention of hers, I think...couldn't understand a bloody word she said...
LUNA: That's right, well, what do you think she looks like now? How do you think she's changed since school?
DRACO: [shrugs] Different, I guess, isn't that the point of this telky-vision thing? Telky-vision show?
LUNA: [pouts] Well, your no more fun than you used to be, but why don't we bring her out? Please, welcome back Morag!
[House lights dim and the red and blue lights come back on as Aerosmith's 'Beyond Beautiful' begins to play, and MORAG walks back out and down the ramp, tossing her now straight hair as she swings her hips swaying in time to the music as she struts back down the runway, showing off her new muscle tone and improved curves. RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER AKA CORMAC MCLAGGEN faints dead away, and MORAG sits on the stool on the opposite side of LUNA, smirking at the blond.]
LUNA: Anything you'd like to say. Draco? [Oblivious to the way MORAG shifts on her stool and primly uncrosses and recrosses her legs]
DRACO: [watching MORAG with obvious interest, but shrugs casually] I was right.
LUNA: [Shakes head] What did you want to tell Draco, Morag?
MORAG: [pauses theatrically, blowing on her very sharp nails] Maybe just the fact that I had a crush on him through out all of Hogwarts. [she leans forward to better look at DRACO] And you should open those eyes and see what's in front of you because that girl. [gestures to the screen] became this hit-witch.
DRACO: [skeptically] You kill people wearing that?
MORAG: [raisews an eyebrow] Why not? If I can do this...[stands up and moves to the catwalk, doing a series of complicated acrobatics, before smirking and walking back, well aware that he got a flash of her knickers, sitting down.] Why couldn't I kill in this? I'm very flexible.
CORMAC MCLAGGEN: [Dead]
MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS: [Trying to figure out how to get her home]
DRACO: [tries to pick his jaw up off of the floor] Uh. Yes, very impressive. [Shifts in his seat, adjusting his robes]
LUNA: So Morag, tell us, a girl like you, you must be seeing someone, right?
MORAG: [shakes head sadly] I think my dungeons scare off most of my suitors, Luna.
LUNA: Really? What about you, Draco, seeing anyone?
DRACO: Er, no. Not anymore.
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO HANNAH ABBOTT: ASK HER OUT, YOU DUMB POUF!
EVERYONE BUT DRACO: [laughs]
DRACO: [Shoots the Malfoy Death Glare at the audience, smiles when everyone goes quiet] That's right, you stupid Hufflepuff, you'd better be quiet if you don't want me coming after you when we finish filming. [Looks at Morag] Would you like to have dinner with me when these idiots leave? Perhaps catch me up on some of what I should have...noticed?
MORAG: [tilts head inquiringly] What makes you think I'd want to after you ignored me for three years? [pauses, before nodding.] But, I think I'd like that. [smiles wickedly]
DRACO: [smirks] Hardly my fault you're...female.
MORAG: I happen to look brilliant in drag, I'll have you know, and I'll do just about anything a bloke will do, and then some. Not my fault your oblivious.
DRACO: [raises an eyebrow] Talk is cheap, you know.
MORAG: [smirks] Well, I'll just have to prove it, won't I?
LUNA: And on that note, we go on commercial break, only to return with the heart-wrenching tale of Dennis Creevey and is deep abiding love for Parvati Patil!
FADE TO BLACK
Author: serpentqueen13
Rating: PG/PG-13
Prompt Set: 100.3
Prompt: 19 ~New
Word Count: 1,316
Summary: Luna gets her own show and has an old friend on to set her up. (This is why Calypso should not be forced to watch daytime TV like Maury)
Warnings: Copious amounts of crack, script format, Various uses of Muggle music, implied cross-dressing, implied kink. Not for those without a sense of humour.
Notes: Many thanks to sappholococcus for her help with Draco, and putting up with the cracky madness.
[We find ourselves in a gaudily decorated sound studio, surrounded by an AUDIENCE of ADORING FANS. Pan over to the stools where LUNA LOVEGOOD is seated with a dreamy smile on her face. Cue ethereal music, and pan over the AUDIENCE, landing on LUNA again as the music ends.]
LUNA: Greetings and salutations to everyone and every creature with us today! And a special welcome to our listeners on the Wizarding Wireless Network, and of course the Jelycall Cats in the Colonies--that's the United States of America, of course, cats don't live in colonies, you silly people!
AUDIENCE: [laughter and applause.]
LUNA: [smiles] Today we have a show to make even the meanest people turn over a new leaf! It's called--'You Never Noticed Me In School, But Look At Me Now!'
AUDIENCE: [raucous applause and cheers]
LUNA: Our first guest is an old friend of mine, though she's changed quite a bit from when we used to have sleepovers on the roof of Ravenclaw Tower! I think we have a picture of her back then...
[A picture flashes on the screen behind Luna of a skinny redheaded girl, overly tall for her weight with poofy curly hair, her arms full of books as she smiled wanly at the camera, dressed in a mussed school uniform.]
LUNA: Yes, that's it. Everyone, please welcome my old friend, and now professional femme fatale, Morag MacDougal!
[House lights dim, while red and blue come on, camera pans over to the side ramp as the song 'Supermodel (You Better Work)' from the Muggle RuPaul begins to play. MORAG walks out, in a skimpy outfit that's just this side of tasteful, an impossibly small black skirt, transparent black lace tube top that shows off a green silk bra, that's more for decoration than anything else, and black-high-heeled boots that run past her knees. She struts down the ramp and then down the runway, winking flirtatiously at a man that tried to throw himself on the catwalk. After turning, she walks back and sits down on a stool next to LUNA.]
MORAG: It's great to see you again, Luna.
LUNA: It's nice to see you again too, though you've changed quite a bit. Why don't you tell our fascinated listeners what prompted these changes, even though we all know looks don't matter. Not everyone can see the thestrals, and they're very important.
MORAG: [blushes] Well, I always had this crush back in Hogwarts, ever since fourth year, but he never really noticed me unless I got in trouble.
AUDIENCE: [sympathetic noises and 'awws']
LUNA: I know who your talking about, but why don't you tell the audience a bit more? Who was this boy?
MORAG: [pauses, quietly] Draco Malfoy.
[The screen behind LUNA and MORAG changes to display the image of DRACO MALFOY waiting in the green room, looking infinitely bored as the chorus of the Divinyls 'When I Think About You I Touch Myself' plays.]
MORAG: [turns and stares at the screen.] That's him...I had a crush on him for ages, but I was a mousy Ravenclaw back then--not able to make him notice me.
LUNA: [pets MORAG's hair] Well, we'll see if he notices you today. Why don't you head backstage again and we'll bring out Draco?
[MORAG nods and walks back up the ramp, ignoring the teasing catcalls from MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS.]
LUNA: Well, why don't we bring out Draco?
[House lights dim and camera pans over to the other ramp, Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' playing, as DRACO saunters down the ramp, dressed immaculately in tailored robes and imported silk, every strand of his blond hair perfectly in place. He smiles at the audience, but ignores their cheers, as if they are his due, and takes his seat elegantly on the stool next to LUNA.]
DRACO: What am I doing here, Loony?
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE CORMAC MCLAGGEN: Arsehole!
LUNA: You've been brought here today to reunite you with someone from school, whom you never noticed much. [The screen behind them changes back to the picture of young!MORAG as the chorus of Aqua's 'Barbie Girl' plays.] Do you recognise her? [gestures to the screen]
DRACO: [squints at the screen] Yeah, that's MacDougal. Had to oversee a detention of hers, I think...couldn't understand a bloody word she said...
LUNA: That's right, well, what do you think she looks like now? How do you think she's changed since school?
DRACO: [shrugs] Different, I guess, isn't that the point of this telky-vision thing? Telky-vision show?
LUNA: [pouts] Well, your no more fun than you used to be, but why don't we bring her out? Please, welcome back Morag!
[House lights dim and the red and blue lights come back on as Aerosmith's 'Beyond Beautiful' begins to play, and MORAG walks back out and down the ramp, tossing her now straight hair as she swings her hips swaying in time to the music as she struts back down the runway, showing off her new muscle tone and improved curves. RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER AKA CORMAC MCLAGGEN faints dead away, and MORAG sits on the stool on the opposite side of LUNA, smirking at the blond.]
LUNA: Anything you'd like to say. Draco? [Oblivious to the way MORAG shifts on her stool and primly uncrosses and recrosses her legs]
DRACO: [watching MORAG with obvious interest, but shrugs casually] I was right.
LUNA: [Shakes head] What did you want to tell Draco, Morag?
MORAG: [pauses theatrically, blowing on her very sharp nails] Maybe just the fact that I had a crush on him through out all of Hogwarts. [she leans forward to better look at DRACO] And you should open those eyes and see what's in front of you because that girl. [gestures to the screen] became this hit-witch.
DRACO: [skeptically] You kill people wearing that?
MORAG: [raisews an eyebrow] Why not? If I can do this...[stands up and moves to the catwalk, doing a series of complicated acrobatics, before smirking and walking back, well aware that he got a flash of her knickers, sitting down.] Why couldn't I kill in this? I'm very flexible.
CORMAC MCLAGGEN: [Dead]
MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS: [Trying to figure out how to get her home]
DRACO: [tries to pick his jaw up off of the floor] Uh. Yes, very impressive. [Shifts in his seat, adjusting his robes]
LUNA: So Morag, tell us, a girl like you, you must be seeing someone, right?
MORAG: [shakes head sadly] I think my dungeons scare off most of my suitors, Luna.
LUNA: Really? What about you, Draco, seeing anyone?
DRACO: Er, no. Not anymore.
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO HANNAH ABBOTT: ASK HER OUT, YOU DUMB POUF!
EVERYONE BUT DRACO: [laughs]
DRACO: [Shoots the Malfoy Death Glare at the audience, smiles when everyone goes quiet] That's right, you stupid Hufflepuff, you'd better be quiet if you don't want me coming after you when we finish filming. [Looks at Morag] Would you like to have dinner with me when these idiots leave? Perhaps catch me up on some of what I should have...noticed?
MORAG: [tilts head inquiringly] What makes you think I'd want to after you ignored me for three years? [pauses, before nodding.] But, I think I'd like that. [smiles wickedly]
DRACO: [smirks] Hardly my fault you're...female.
MORAG: I happen to look brilliant in drag, I'll have you know, and I'll do just about anything a bloke will do, and then some. Not my fault your oblivious.
DRACO: [raises an eyebrow] Talk is cheap, you know.
MORAG: [smirks] Well, I'll just have to prove it, won't I?
LUNA: And on that note, we go on commercial break, only to return with the heart-wrenching tale of Dennis Creevey and is deep abiding love for Parvati Patil!
FADE TO BLACK