Hydrangea Blooming Within Ashes
Fandom: Shinshi Doumei Cross
Universe: Canon
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Ushio/Haine
Word Count: 350
Summary: The bottle was overflowing; she could no longer hold it inside.
Author's Note: Set prior to chapter 32.
She craved for attention, but not just anyone’s attention. She craved for her attention. Her many lovers, her countless harsh words, they were all silent cries for her attention. No matter how much she tainted herself, no matter how many hearts she broke, all of her attempts were proven futile.
If only you would look at me, she would wonder. If only you would hate him. If only you would love only me…
Her façade hid all of her sufferings as she watched the one she loved from afar. For her, if she’s happy, that’s enough, right? How childish those words sounded to her as she repeated them over and over until she started saying them emptily. If only she could believe the foolish words like she once did.
“It’s not enough,” she whispered one cold, dark night. “He doesn’t deserve her. No one deserves her more than I do. No one needs her more than I do…” Her words trailed off as tears started falling from her face, her voice started cracking. She sobbed into her pillow, urging herself to stop the tears.
She screamed out in anguish, feeling the she could no longer hold the suffering inside. The sadness had reached the top, the bottle was overflowing. She screamed, cursed, and pleaded for an end to it all. “Why? Why can’t you see?”
She choked, gasping desperately for breath. Her chest felt heavy. It was like she was drowning, falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss, the light was quickly moving out of sight as darkness began to enclose her.
“I’m sorry,” her voice cracked. She wiped away her tears furiously. “Am I such a heartless person, Haine? Would you love such an awful person?”
She plunged deeper into the abyss, cocooning herself inside her self-loathing, losing all sense of reality. She turned in her bed, her eyes looking straight out of the window at the moonless and starless night sky. As the last teardrop fell, her eyes glazed over and she smiled almost doll-like. She whispered faintly to the silent room, “All I need is Haine.”