Convenience
Fandom: SS501
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: KyuJong/YoungSaeng, mention of HyunJoong/YoungSaeng
Word Count: 1282
Summary: Acquaintances, close friends, best friends, fuck buddies, lovers-he wasn’t sure which category he belonged to.
Author's Note: Started this back in…July or August, I don’t even remember anymore. :’D
“What am I to you?”
It was a simple question, but he still couldn’t find the courage to ask it face-to-face with the one person that toyed with him time and time again. Instead, he decided to always take his frustration out on his bedroom mirror. As he stood in front of the long looking glass, he looked at his reflection with disgust, wondering scornfully to himself about how he even got himself into this predicament.
He then sighed softly, because he already knew the answer to his question. He always knew the answer, and he hated the answer so much. It was plain and simple: YoungSaeng was so pretty, like an angel, that he had fooled KyuJong into believing he was one. Underneath that pretty façade, he was nothing but a devil that liked to use KyuJong again and again.
But KyuJong was even more disgusted with himself for not stopping this when he had the chance. Before he could even think further, the cell phone he had tossed on his bed earlier started vibrating loudly. He walked over, picked it up, and glanced at the caller ID with anxiety. “YoungSaeng?”
“You free tonight?”
“Yeah…”
“Can I come over?”
“Of course.”
“Great! I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, alright?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
KyuJong sighed again, and he threw his phone on the bed forcefully, frustrated that he had let himself slip into this mess again. He fell back on his bed, and stared at the ceiling, knowing full well that YoungSaeng was only coming because he was lonely, and then he would leave again before the sun would even rise.
He stayed in that position until he heard the doorbell rang. As he sat up, he almost considered just sending YoungSaeng away, just so the other man would know what it was like to be toyed with. He would’ve done that, if only he didn’t want YoungSaeng so much right then. He shook his head furiously, deciding determinedly to himself that tonight he would get the answer to his question.
As he opened the door, his heart sank when he saw YoungSaeng standing there, a smirk was visible on his face. KyuJong stumbled backward when he felt warm lips crashing against his. “Young-”
“Don’t talk.”
It was an order, not a request.
Even so, KyuJong still found himself struggling to get a word in. He was failing miserably as he felt YoungSaeng leading them to his room. His neatly-made bed suddenly became a wrinkled mess when he found both of them falling carelessly on it. He tried to push YoungSaeng away, but the older man was persistent.
“Why are you here?” KyuJong finally managed to yell out the words, but he quickly regretted it when he saw a shocked expression on YoungSaeng’s face. “I-I mean…”
YoungSaeng kissed his lips, silencing him of his explanation. “HyunJoong’s out of town, so I’m lonely.”
KyuJong felt his heart aching, but he half-expected this answer. It was always this reason why YoungSaeng would even be at his apartment, in this position, at this time of the night. He continued to lie still, watching calmly as YoungSaeng showered him with endless kisses and gentle touches that would always fool him into believing his feelings were sincere.
“Should we leave the light on?” YoungSaeng purred against KyuJong’s ear, his hand was already fingering the belt encircled around the younger man’s waist.
“No, turn it off.” KyuJong knew he would not be able to bear this if he could see YoungSaeng’s face during that one moment, possibly imagining another man was fucking him senselessly. It was better this way. It was less painful this way. At least this way, he could pretend that he was YoungSaeng’s one and only lover.
He lifted YoungSaeng’s shirt up, and his breath caught in his throat as he found himself mesmerized by the smooth, pale skin. He leaned in and kissed YoungSaeng’s torso, a soft whimper stumbled out of his mouth when he felt YoungSaeng’s soft hands brushed against his own skin as he pulled up KyuJong’s shirt.
“Top or bottom?” YoungSaeng’s voice was teasing as he pulled KyuJong’s jeans down.
KyuJong looked at the mask in front of him, and he whispered softly, “Top.”
He pushed YoungSaeng down on the bed, rough enough to show his anger, but also gentle enough to show him how much he was desperately in love. He straddled the other’s man waist while bending over ever so slightly to grip YoungSaeng’s wrists tight enough so that it would redden temporarily. He nibbled on the lips below him, savoring the sweet taste as slowly as possible.
“Hyu-”
Don’t say his name!
The words were begging to be voiced, but KyuJong knew he was too much of a coward to ever say them to YoungSaeng. Instead he asked softly, “Why are you cheating on him?”
YoungSaeng opened his eyes briefly to stare into saddened orbs. “It’s not cheating if he knows.”
Again, KyuJong felt a sharp pain in his chest. He avoided the calm gaze, choosing instead to bury his face briefly in YoungSaeng’s shoulder. For a brief moment, he remained motionless, unsure of whether or not he was making a mistake again. He then nipped on YoungSaeng’s shoulder until a tiny mark was left. “He’s not bothered by this?”
“Of course not,” YoungSaeng laughed, pulling KyuJong even closer to him, “I always go back to him in the end.”
Why are you so honest?
KyuJong bit his bottom lips, trying hard to keep his body from trembling too much.
“Now, shut up and fuck me.”
KyuJong sat cross-legged on his bed, the only thing he was wearing was his worn jeans as he watched half-heartedly at YoungSaeng picking up his fallen clothes. KyuJong quickly turned his head sideway when he was caught staring. YoungSaeng smiled, and walked over to kiss the top of KyuJong’s head, a seemingly innocent act that oddly made KyuJong feel rather patronized.
“So what am I to you?” Even though he had said those words so many times with ease, it was a lot harder to say them calmly when he was face-to-face with YoungSaeng. He swallowed hard, waiting expectantly for the older man’s response, but the calm expression on YoungSaeng’s face was anything but comforting for him.
“You’re just…” His voice trailed off as he idly thought of an appropriate word to describe their relationship. His face lighted up, almost as if he had an epiphany. “Convenient.” YoungSaeng looked at KyuJong briefly before turning his attention elsewhere. “Is that a problem?”
Surprisingly, the answer didn’t bother him as much as he had thought. It was his own reply that disturbed him more than YoungSaeng’s blunt truth. “No.”
YoungSaeng smiled, walking over to KyuJong’s side to place an innocent kiss on his cheek. “See you next week?”
KyuJong nodded his head mutely, watching calmly as YoungSaeng walked out of his door like the hundred times he had done before. He followed, stopping only outside the threshold to watch the older man disappeared down the hall, never once turning back to face the past, not when the future was waiting for him elsewhere.
He sighed, turning around to enter his apartment. He closed the door and strode over to a chair in his living room. He turned off the lamp and sat in the darkness, listening to the thundering traffic outside his building with mild interest. YoungSaeng’s earlier words replayed in his head, and he laughed bitterly when he realized a startling truth.
“So I’m not even a friend.” He covered his mouth with a hand, trying hard to suppress the sob that was begging to slip through.
“I’m just ‘convenient.’”
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: KyuJong/YoungSaeng, mention of HyunJoong/YoungSaeng
Word Count: 1282
Summary: Acquaintances, close friends, best friends, fuck buddies, lovers-he wasn’t sure which category he belonged to.
Author's Note: Started this back in…July or August, I don’t even remember anymore. :’D
“What am I to you?”
It was a simple question, but he still couldn’t find the courage to ask it face-to-face with the one person that toyed with him time and time again. Instead, he decided to always take his frustration out on his bedroom mirror. As he stood in front of the long looking glass, he looked at his reflection with disgust, wondering scornfully to himself about how he even got himself into this predicament.
He then sighed softly, because he already knew the answer to his question. He always knew the answer, and he hated the answer so much. It was plain and simple: YoungSaeng was so pretty, like an angel, that he had fooled KyuJong into believing he was one. Underneath that pretty façade, he was nothing but a devil that liked to use KyuJong again and again.
But KyuJong was even more disgusted with himself for not stopping this when he had the chance. Before he could even think further, the cell phone he had tossed on his bed earlier started vibrating loudly. He walked over, picked it up, and glanced at the caller ID with anxiety. “YoungSaeng?”
“You free tonight?”
“Yeah…”
“Can I come over?”
“Of course.”
“Great! I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, alright?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
KyuJong sighed again, and he threw his phone on the bed forcefully, frustrated that he had let himself slip into this mess again. He fell back on his bed, and stared at the ceiling, knowing full well that YoungSaeng was only coming because he was lonely, and then he would leave again before the sun would even rise.
He stayed in that position until he heard the doorbell rang. As he sat up, he almost considered just sending YoungSaeng away, just so the other man would know what it was like to be toyed with. He would’ve done that, if only he didn’t want YoungSaeng so much right then. He shook his head furiously, deciding determinedly to himself that tonight he would get the answer to his question.
As he opened the door, his heart sank when he saw YoungSaeng standing there, a smirk was visible on his face. KyuJong stumbled backward when he felt warm lips crashing against his. “Young-”
“Don’t talk.”
It was an order, not a request.
Even so, KyuJong still found himself struggling to get a word in. He was failing miserably as he felt YoungSaeng leading them to his room. His neatly-made bed suddenly became a wrinkled mess when he found both of them falling carelessly on it. He tried to push YoungSaeng away, but the older man was persistent.
“Why are you here?” KyuJong finally managed to yell out the words, but he quickly regretted it when he saw a shocked expression on YoungSaeng’s face. “I-I mean…”
YoungSaeng kissed his lips, silencing him of his explanation. “HyunJoong’s out of town, so I’m lonely.”
KyuJong felt his heart aching, but he half-expected this answer. It was always this reason why YoungSaeng would even be at his apartment, in this position, at this time of the night. He continued to lie still, watching calmly as YoungSaeng showered him with endless kisses and gentle touches that would always fool him into believing his feelings were sincere.
“Should we leave the light on?” YoungSaeng purred against KyuJong’s ear, his hand was already fingering the belt encircled around the younger man’s waist.
“No, turn it off.” KyuJong knew he would not be able to bear this if he could see YoungSaeng’s face during that one moment, possibly imagining another man was fucking him senselessly. It was better this way. It was less painful this way. At least this way, he could pretend that he was YoungSaeng’s one and only lover.
He lifted YoungSaeng’s shirt up, and his breath caught in his throat as he found himself mesmerized by the smooth, pale skin. He leaned in and kissed YoungSaeng’s torso, a soft whimper stumbled out of his mouth when he felt YoungSaeng’s soft hands brushed against his own skin as he pulled up KyuJong’s shirt.
“Top or bottom?” YoungSaeng’s voice was teasing as he pulled KyuJong’s jeans down.
KyuJong looked at the mask in front of him, and he whispered softly, “Top.”
He pushed YoungSaeng down on the bed, rough enough to show his anger, but also gentle enough to show him how much he was desperately in love. He straddled the other’s man waist while bending over ever so slightly to grip YoungSaeng’s wrists tight enough so that it would redden temporarily. He nibbled on the lips below him, savoring the sweet taste as slowly as possible.
“Hyu-”
Don’t say his name!
The words were begging to be voiced, but KyuJong knew he was too much of a coward to ever say them to YoungSaeng. Instead he asked softly, “Why are you cheating on him?”
YoungSaeng opened his eyes briefly to stare into saddened orbs. “It’s not cheating if he knows.”
Again, KyuJong felt a sharp pain in his chest. He avoided the calm gaze, choosing instead to bury his face briefly in YoungSaeng’s shoulder. For a brief moment, he remained motionless, unsure of whether or not he was making a mistake again. He then nipped on YoungSaeng’s shoulder until a tiny mark was left. “He’s not bothered by this?”
“Of course not,” YoungSaeng laughed, pulling KyuJong even closer to him, “I always go back to him in the end.”
Why are you so honest?
KyuJong bit his bottom lips, trying hard to keep his body from trembling too much.
“Now, shut up and fuck me.”
KyuJong sat cross-legged on his bed, the only thing he was wearing was his worn jeans as he watched half-heartedly at YoungSaeng picking up his fallen clothes. KyuJong quickly turned his head sideway when he was caught staring. YoungSaeng smiled, and walked over to kiss the top of KyuJong’s head, a seemingly innocent act that oddly made KyuJong feel rather patronized.
“So what am I to you?” Even though he had said those words so many times with ease, it was a lot harder to say them calmly when he was face-to-face with YoungSaeng. He swallowed hard, waiting expectantly for the older man’s response, but the calm expression on YoungSaeng’s face was anything but comforting for him.
“You’re just…” His voice trailed off as he idly thought of an appropriate word to describe their relationship. His face lighted up, almost as if he had an epiphany. “Convenient.” YoungSaeng looked at KyuJong briefly before turning his attention elsewhere. “Is that a problem?”
Surprisingly, the answer didn’t bother him as much as he had thought. It was his own reply that disturbed him more than YoungSaeng’s blunt truth. “No.”
YoungSaeng smiled, walking over to KyuJong’s side to place an innocent kiss on his cheek. “See you next week?”
KyuJong nodded his head mutely, watching calmly as YoungSaeng walked out of his door like the hundred times he had done before. He followed, stopping only outside the threshold to watch the older man disappeared down the hall, never once turning back to face the past, not when the future was waiting for him elsewhere.
He sighed, turning around to enter his apartment. He closed the door and strode over to a chair in his living room. He turned off the lamp and sat in the darkness, listening to the thundering traffic outside his building with mild interest. YoungSaeng’s earlier words replayed in his head, and he laughed bitterly when he realized a startling truth.
“So I’m not even a friend.” He covered his mouth with a hand, trying hard to suppress the sob that was begging to slip through.
“I’m just ‘convenient.’”