Repairing Broken Bridges
Fandom: U-KISS
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
Pairing: Kibum/Kevin
Word Count: 4045
Summary: It was a mutual agreement to separate, but was cutting all ties for the best?
Prompt: 18. Repair
Author's Note: Ok, so Kemaru is not exactly my OTP, but somehow my longest one-shot to date is about these two, so yay for Kemaru fans? :’D
“We’ve drifted apart.”
Eli and Alexander looked at Kevin, disbelief was evident on both faces as they tried to register his nonchalant words. They turned, twisted, and dissected the explanation in their heads in all possible ways, trying but ultimately failing to find any sense in his words. In the end, both men felt the need to press Kevin on, wanting to know the complete truth behind his words, but they didn’t get any new information out of the younger man, because it was simply that: They had drifted apart.
“Are you okay? You seem awfully blunt about it.” As he finished his thought aloud, Eli played with his juice bottle, passing it back and forth between both hands. He found this silly act to be rather comforting in the midst of a tense and awkward atmosphere.
Kevin looked up from his plate of half-eaten cheesecake, his face was blank for a moment before he smiled. “Yeah, surprisingly.” He poked at the dessert absentmindedly as he continued speaking, “You would think after all the times we’ve been together, I would be bawling like a girl or something when we separated, but I’m fine. I’m really fine.”
Alexander looked disapprovingly at the younger man. “But is it okay? To cut all ties with him, I mean.”
“Yeah, it seems too extreme, Kevin,” Eli added. “Things will be so awkward when we hang out if you two-”
“That’s just it,” Kevin interrupted Eli, his voice held a peculiar harshness almost as though he felt exasperated by how ignorant everyone else was. “It would be awkward around each other, and it would be awkward without. At least this way, we can just pretend.”
Kevin continued to unconsciously stab the cheesecake until the solid dessert turned into a crumbly mess. He thought to himself, I’m alright, I’m really alright.
He wasn’t too sure whether or not he was pretending right now.
“We’re going our separate ways. It’s for the best.”
“Kibum,” Kiseop looked at Kibum, his eyes were down casted a little, his entire posture showed how nervous he was. “Why are you two making things so awkward for everyone? Aren’t you being selfish?”
Kibum tossed a pillow at Kiseop’s face. “Alright, would you rather have us screaming at each other instead?”
Kiseop caught the pillow, but he used it to shield his face when he flinched at the harsh comment. In spite of the mocking tone he was receiving from Kibum, Kiseop still knew he had to continue speaking, “Just what are you two fighting about? Whatever it is, talk it out, make up, and-”
“It’d be easier if we were actually fighting.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“We’ve…drifted apart.”
Kibum walked into a café, stopping momentarily at the door so that he could survey the crowded establishment. He smiled when he spotted a familiar face sitting at a booth next to a large window. “It’s been a while, Soohyun hyung.”
Soohyun smiled, and pulled the other man closer to ruffle his hair, an act that instantly received an annoyed scowl from Kibum. Soohyun sat back down in his seat and motioned for Kibum to do the same. “Well, how long has it been? Six or seven months?”
“Seven months, one week, and five days,” Kibum answered, almost a little too quickly than he would’ve liked. He suddenly grabbed a menu on the table and turned his attention over to it. He added as an afterthought, “Don’t think that means anything.”
Soohyun tossed a sly glance towards the younger man, but his look was quickly blocked by the menu Kibum held up. He took a sip of his coffee, and continued, “You miss him?”
“No.”
“Liar.” Soohyun took another sip. “You sound too defensive.”
“I thought you wanted to talk about finding a new apartment in the city,” Kibum tried to change the subject. Hearing Soohyun’s teasing chuckle, Kibum then slam the menu down on the table, his eyes were narrowed into a heated glare. “If I had known you wanted to talk about him, I wouldn’t have come here.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with talking about Kevin?” Soohyun waited for Kibum to reply, but when he received no response, he continued speaking with no sense of sensitivity in mind, “Kevin is living alone on the other side of the city right now, you know.”
Kibum remained quiet.
“Of course, Eli and Alexander are living close by, and I am as well until I find a place closer to my new job. He’s living well by himself, you know.”
“He’s a grown man, he should be fine living by himself,” Kibum said curtly, quickly getting up.
“So when is your flight to Tokyo?”
Kibum stopped, his body was visibly tensed. “H-how’d you know? The only people who know are…”
“Your family,” Soohyun finished Kibum’s thought for him. He took a long sip of his coffee; his eyes were closed as he savored the bitter taste of his beverage, and thinking over briefly how he should continue. He then opened his eyes slowly, and answered Kibum’s earlier question, “Your brother told me about it. We bumped into each other last Thursday at a convenience store.”
Kibum stood still, trying to absorb in Soohyun’s explanation. He then spoke so quietly, his voice was almost lost within the other noises of the café. “Does he know?”
“I haven’t told anyone yet.”
They both remained quiet, listening to the soft music playing and the light chatters of the other patrons. Kibum wasn’t too sure how much time had passed before he finally spoke again, “Good. Don’t tell anyone, at least not until I leave.”
“And when would that be?”
“HyungJun hyung already told you, didn’t he?” Kibum shoved his hands into his coat pocket. He looked down at his feet, watching with slight interest at one foot grinding the floor in a circular motion. He smiled bitterly when he heard the response he knew was coming.
“Yeah, this Saturday, right?”
“See me off?”
“Would it even matter?” The playfulness in Soohyun’s voice had disappeared, and was replaced with resentment. “You haven’t talked to any of us since then.” Soohyun stood up, and walked pass Kibum, ignoring the sad look on the younger man’s face.
Kibum stood in his spot for several minutes; his mind was still replaying his cold conversation with Soohyun. He thought about all of his friends he stopped talking to, thought about all of the happy times they’ve had together, and thought about whether or not his decision to start anew had left him alone in this cold world now. His chaotic thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he received a new text message:
I’ll be there. - Soohyun.
Kevin had been fine for seventeen months, two weeks, and three days, or at least, that was the lie he had told everyone, including himself. Truth be told, he was fine with the separation, but it was the loneliness that had followed that plagued him with countless nights of insomnia and robbed him of all feelings inside his now hollow heart.
“Oh, you’re busy with your classes, Dongho?” Kevin was on the phone talking with the younger boy as he paced around his bare apartment. As he listened to Dongho talk about his studies and goals for the future, Kevin wandered from room to room, finding the desire to always be moving to be a strange comfort for him. This habit had gradually started a few months ago, but he had only consciously realized it only recently when Eli had pointed it out. Since then, Kevin became more self-conscious about other habits he may have developed.
After about fifteen minutes on the phone, Dongho mentioned he had to get back to studying, and while Kevin didn’t want to hang up just yet, he knew he had wasted enough of the younger boy’s time. Kevin stopped walking for a moment, and he answered with the best cheerful voice he could mustered, “That’s fine, we can hang out some other night. Good luck with your exams. Dongho, hwaiting!”
He placed the phone back down on a table, and sighed to himself. Kevin made his way to the kitchen, and he began to rummage through the cabinets and refrigerator. “What should I have for dinner tonight,” he thought to himself as he picked up and put down one container after another. In the end, he settled for an unhealthy meal choice: leftover birthday cake from one of his coworkers’ party. No one would know about his insalubrious choice, and he simply wanted something sweet in his life right now.
Kevin sat down on the couch, a pillow was on his lap, and his plate of cake was on top of it. He turned on the T.V., but he wasn’t particularly interesting in watching anything. He just needed some noises to fill the quiet apartment as he ate his dinner. When he finished his meal, he pulled out his cell phone and called a random person on his contact list.
“Hello? Kiseop? How-Oh, I’m fine, really, I’m fine.”
He stopped talking, and he could hear Kiseop’s worried voice over the line questioning him. The more he stayed quiet, the more urgent and worried Kiseop sounded, and before long, Kevin felt something inside of him snap.
“I’m not fine…”
Kevin had forgotten how long it had been since he last cried, or how much he missed the days of laughing with his friends for no reason whatsoever. In the midst of his choked sobs, Kevin wondered how things even ended up this way.
“HyungJun hyung? How do you say ‘Do your fucking job right, you worthless little jackass’ in Japanese?” Kibum smiled wryly as he imagined his brother’s surprised and puzzled look on the other end of the phone. He then laughed, “Well, there’s this annoying guy at work that is always screwing up. One of these days, I swear I’ll snap, and just murder him on the spot.”
Kibum’s laugh faltered as he listened to HyungJun. “How’s Mom? Is she doing alright? Oh, really? Uh huh, I understand, yeah, sure.”
The phone conversation carried on with idle talks about the most trivial of all events that had happened, and it was relaxing for Kibum to be able to talk freely like he used to. He had missed this, having someone to talk to closely about the most insignificant of all things. He had found the conversation with his brother to be fun, until HyungJun brought up a sensitive topic for Kibum.
“So you met with the others, huh?” Kibum drummed his idle fingers on the table in front of him, a frown was making its way to his face. “You have some luck, hyung, bumping into those guys all the time. W-what?”
Kibum blinked in surprised. “I-I know they’re my friends, but…that’s not the point! Hyung! Why are you taking their side?”
Kibum rested his head on the table, unable to find the strength to sit upright any longer. His cell phone was close by with the speaker turned on.
“Kibummie, I heard your friend Soohyun is coming to see you this Wednesday.”
Kibum met with Soohyun at the airport, an awkward smile was on his face as he greeted his older friend, but he could sense that the other man was not here for simply a friendly visit. He walked a little ahead of Soohyun towards his waiting car outside, but when he heard Soohyun whispering something softly behind him, he froze to his spot instantly.
“Kevin broke down last week.”
“W-What do you mean?” Kibum tried to keep his voice even and nonchalant, but he knew he was failing.
“He called Kiseop, saying he was fine, and then he just suddenly broke down crying. Kiseop ended up going over to spend the night with Kevin.”
Kibum watched as a blur of people passed him, wondering to himself why in the middle of such a crowded places, he felt so alone. The last words Soohyun said replayed in his mind, first in a coherent sentence, before repeating in distorted order until the only thing he could remember were the two aforementioned names. He started to speak, his words coming out in short rasps, “Why should I care? It’s not like they slept together.”
Soohyun was quiet.
Kibum turned around when he realized Soohyun had not responded to him. “They slept together?”
“Not exactly, no,” Soohyun started, and he could sense a feeling of relief coming from Kibum. “But Kevin did want some meaningless fling. Kiseop said he was feeling lonely.”
“You said Alexander and Eli live nearby, so why should he feel so lonely that he needed to act like a slut?” The harsher the words, the easier he felt, and Kibum realized himself how twisted his logic sounded to him.
“Eli is in the States visiting his family, and Alexander is on a business trip in China.” Soohyun walked up to stand next to Kibum, a hand was rested on the other man’s tensed shoulder. “Why are you two idiots so stubborn?”
Kibum whispered softly, unsure of whether or not his explanation even made sense anymore, “We’ve drifted apart…didn’t we?”
“You tell me.” Soohyun continued walking, not caring whether or not Kibum was following him.
“You’ll be alright, right?”
Kevin smiled at Kiseop, brightly at first until his smile weakened to look apologetic. “Yeah, sorry about the other time, I was just…you know, I didn’t want to be alone, and it’s been…”
Kiseop interrupted him, his face was flustered as he stammered, “You don’t have to apologize or explain yourself. Nothing happened, so it-”
“I miss him.”
Kiseop looked at Kevin and smiled sadly as he wrapped his arm around the smaller man. He could feel the familiar tremble and hear the familiar broken voice speaking into his shoulder. “I really miss him.”
They remained like this for a while, and after several minutes had elapsed, Kiseop was surprised to hear Kevin voice whispering softly, “Do you want to know why we ‘drifted apart’?”
“Hyung, what is the opposite of ‘drift apart’?” Kibum was on the phone with HyungJun, having their weekly phone conversation. He lay on his bed, facedown, as he waited for his brother to respond to him. Minutes passed with him listening to only the traffic outside his apartment, and when he finally had enough of the wait, Kibum raised his head slightly, and groaned into the phone, “Did you even hear-what do you mean you’re looking it up online?”
His scowl suddenly disappeared when he heard his brother’s teasing laughter, and he realized he was being too sensitive right now. When they both calmed down, he continued, a slight chuckle was still in his voice, “Seriously, hyung, I want to know.”
He pressed the speaker on, and buried his face into a pillow.
“I think my cute baby brother already knows the answer.”
It took Kibum a month and a half to find the courage to return to Seoul, it took him another week to work up the nerve to go to his old friends and asked for Kevin’s address, and it took an additional five days to find the strength to ring the doorbell and not run away.
Unfortunately for him, Kevin was not home at the time.
“Damn bastard, just when I finally show up, he’s not home,” Kibum grumbled to himself, hands shoved into his coat pocket. He considered leaving, but then he remembered how long it took him to even find the courage to stand right in front of Kevin’s apartment door.
A couple of minutes shouldn’t hurt, he thought to himself.
He sat in front of the door with his arms wrapped around his legs, and waited. The minutes that passed soon became hours, but still he waited. It was now or never. After over a year of avoiding each other and trying to forget the other person, a part of him knew they needed to confront one another openly about what had happened and how it even came to that.
Kibum must have fallen asleep waiting, because when he opened his heavy eyes, he heard a light snort and felt a foot nudging him. “There’s a bum in front of my apartment.”
“Yes, there is.”
“Should we call the police, guys?”
“Or set him on fire?”
Kibum opened his eyes wider, and he glared at the men in front of him. “Bastards.”
“It’s been a while, hyung.”
Kibum remained in his position, watching as Kevin towered over him to press the combination on the keypad to unlock the door. They heard a beep, alerting everyone that the door was now unlocked. Kevin turned the doorknob, and watched with mischief glinting in his eyes as Kibum tumbled backwards into his apartment.
“Eli, Xander hyung, where are you guys going?”
Kibum looked up and could see Eli and Alexander shuffling away. Alexander stopped momentarily, and laughed, “We just remembered, Dongho called us earlier and asked us to pick up some cold medicine for him, so we’re going to go do that right now!”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“And so are you,” Eli added, pulling Alexander away.
Kevin frowned at the two of them, watching with annoyance at the two older men running away. He turned around and looked down at Kibum. Kevin walked through the threshold and closed the door. “Well, hyung, don’t just sit on the floor like that. The couch is over there.”
Kevin leaned forward so that his lower abdomen was pressed against the counter in his kitchen. His eyes were focused on an electric kettle in front of him. He watched with an intense interest as he waited for the water to boil.
“Nice place you have here.”
Kevin looked up, slightly startled, but then he quickly regained his composure. He watched out of the corner of his eye at Kibum meandering around his living room, moving close but never once stepping foot into the same kitchen Kevin was. Kevin cleared his throat a little, his eyes never left the kettle as he started to speak, “Thanks, and you’re doing well in Tokyo, I assume?”
Kibum mumbled something in the affirmative.
When the water had boiled, Kevin lifted the kettle up, and poured the water into a porcelain teapot. He then poured the tea into two waiting teacups. He glanced briefly behind him. “Would you like some snacks? I have-”
“N-no, don’t trouble yourself too much.”
Kevin walked out into the living room, carrying a tray with the tea. He placed the tray carefully on the coffee table, and watched as Kibum joined him on the couch.
“So why are you here?”
When Kibum had looked up at the clock, he realized he had been in Kevin’s apartment for approximately four hours, and in that time, they have only exchanged brief words and long silences. He looked at the empty teacups, knowing they had filled much of the time with just drinking. Kibum looked to his side, watching as Kevin fumbled with his cell phone.
“Do you have something else you need to do?”
“N-no,” Kevin answered quickly, almost dropping his phone on the floor. He placed the phone on the table, and turned to look at Kibum. “Tell me the truth, why are you here?”
Kibum was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know.”
Kevin turned his attention elsewhere. “Did the guys tell you to come back?”
“I haven’t talked to them in forever, well except for Soohyun hyung occasionally, but even that was-”
“So he made you come back?”
“No, he didn’t. He didn’t make me come back, and-”
“So why did you?”
“Goddamn it, would you let me finish a sentence first?” Kibum found himself slamming his palm onto the table, and the sound that followed forced the room into silence again. Even though Kevin was quiet now, patiently waiting to listen to Kibum speak, Kibum found himself not sure of what to say anymore. He then looked up when he felt a hand on his cheek, and his whisper was so quiet, it would have been lost had the room not been so hushed. “Did we make a mistake?”
Kevin shook his head, and a weak smile crept onto his face. “Maybe we needed this separation.” Kevin moved closer until he was next to Kibum. He rested his head on Kibum’s shoulder, and his smile widened as he thought about how much he missed this warmth. “We were suffocating each other, finding faults, putting blames, and even doing stupid things.”
“Like meeting other people behind each other’s back.”
“Yeah…” Kevin’s eyes glazed over as he thought about their past mistakes. “This was painful, but it was what we needed. We didn’t know what we had until it was gone.”
Kibum hunched over a little, his eyes were watching his fingers weaved among themselves. “You’re starting to sound too melodramatic.”
“Am I?” Kevin laughed. “I’ve been thinking about these things lately, wondering if it was too late to fix our relationship, or if it was even fixable.”
“Kevin?”
“Wh-“
Kevin’s eyes widened as he felt warm lips crashing against his own. It felt so familiar, but it also seemed like a distant memory, so old and surreal, it might as well have been just a beautiful dream. A whimper escaped when he felt rough hands slipping behind his back, making their way under his shirt until fingers were fluttering across his fair skin like flittering butterflies. “Ki-Ki-“
“Shut up,” Kibum whispered, his warm breath tickled Kevin’s lips. “You talk too much.”
Kibum pushed the younger man back down on the couch, and he straddled Kevin’s waist, his gaze were fixed on the wide doe-like eyes staring right back at him. He trailed light kisses, starting from Kevin’s forehead to the tip of his nose and finally settling on his lips. So soft, so warm, he had forgotten how much he loved those pink, plump lips that were able to bend the wills of others with ease. Burying his face into the soft auburn hair, words of longing tumbled out of his mouth, and Kibum knew he was stripping himself of all remaining pride.
“I missed you, Kibum, so, so-” Kevin placed a kiss on Kibum’s forehead. “So much, I thought I was going crazy.”
“You talk too much.”
Kevin let out a gasp when he felt Kibum pulling his shirt up and tossing it onto the floor. He shut his eyes tightly when Kibum moved closer until his mouth was so close to Kevin’s ear. He could hear Kibum’s husky voice teasing him, “Show me how much you miss me.”
When Kevin opened his eyes the following morning, he felt a warm ray of sunlight creeping onto his leg. He groaned softly, his mind was too muddled to figure out why his body was aching so badly right at that moment. It took him a while to clear his mind and adjust his vision for him to remember. His cheeks brightened to a pretty shade of pink when he realized Kibum had trapped him against the couch, and the only way for him to escape his position was to climb over Kibum’s nude body.
No wonder it’s so tight, Kevin’s mind managed to idly think. He tried to squeeze out, but Kibum unconsciously shifted his position so an arm was wrapped around Kevin. A soft, meek squeak slipped from Kevin’s lips, and he quickly closed his mouth when he noticed Kibum’s eyes opening.
“M-morning.”
“Good morning.” Kibum yawned softly. He moved closer, burying his head against Kevin’s chest. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Nowhere.” Kevin’s kissed the top of Kibum’s head. “I’m going nowhere, and neither are you.”
Kibum mumbled something in the affirmative, and started to drift off to sleep again. Kevin smiled and he closed his own eyes. “Are we starting over again?”
Kibum cracked an eye opened. “No, we’re just mending our relationship.”
“Ah, that’s right,” Kevin said understandably. “We’re just repairing broken bridges.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Kevin breathed, placing another kiss on Kibum’s head. “Let’s go back to sleep.”
They let sleep reclaimed them, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, everything appeared to be right again. They had drifted back together.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
Pairing: Kibum/Kevin
Word Count: 4045
Summary: It was a mutual agreement to separate, but was cutting all ties for the best?
Prompt: 18. Repair
Author's Note: Ok, so Kemaru is not exactly my OTP, but somehow my longest one-shot to date is about these two, so yay for Kemaru fans? :’D
“We’ve drifted apart.”
Eli and Alexander looked at Kevin, disbelief was evident on both faces as they tried to register his nonchalant words. They turned, twisted, and dissected the explanation in their heads in all possible ways, trying but ultimately failing to find any sense in his words. In the end, both men felt the need to press Kevin on, wanting to know the complete truth behind his words, but they didn’t get any new information out of the younger man, because it was simply that: They had drifted apart.
“Are you okay? You seem awfully blunt about it.” As he finished his thought aloud, Eli played with his juice bottle, passing it back and forth between both hands. He found this silly act to be rather comforting in the midst of a tense and awkward atmosphere.
Kevin looked up from his plate of half-eaten cheesecake, his face was blank for a moment before he smiled. “Yeah, surprisingly.” He poked at the dessert absentmindedly as he continued speaking, “You would think after all the times we’ve been together, I would be bawling like a girl or something when we separated, but I’m fine. I’m really fine.”
Alexander looked disapprovingly at the younger man. “But is it okay? To cut all ties with him, I mean.”
“Yeah, it seems too extreme, Kevin,” Eli added. “Things will be so awkward when we hang out if you two-”
“That’s just it,” Kevin interrupted Eli, his voice held a peculiar harshness almost as though he felt exasperated by how ignorant everyone else was. “It would be awkward around each other, and it would be awkward without. At least this way, we can just pretend.”
Kevin continued to unconsciously stab the cheesecake until the solid dessert turned into a crumbly mess. He thought to himself, I’m alright, I’m really alright.
He wasn’t too sure whether or not he was pretending right now.
“We’re going our separate ways. It’s for the best.”
“Kibum,” Kiseop looked at Kibum, his eyes were down casted a little, his entire posture showed how nervous he was. “Why are you two making things so awkward for everyone? Aren’t you being selfish?”
Kibum tossed a pillow at Kiseop’s face. “Alright, would you rather have us screaming at each other instead?”
Kiseop caught the pillow, but he used it to shield his face when he flinched at the harsh comment. In spite of the mocking tone he was receiving from Kibum, Kiseop still knew he had to continue speaking, “Just what are you two fighting about? Whatever it is, talk it out, make up, and-”
“It’d be easier if we were actually fighting.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“We’ve…drifted apart.”
Kibum walked into a café, stopping momentarily at the door so that he could survey the crowded establishment. He smiled when he spotted a familiar face sitting at a booth next to a large window. “It’s been a while, Soohyun hyung.”
Soohyun smiled, and pulled the other man closer to ruffle his hair, an act that instantly received an annoyed scowl from Kibum. Soohyun sat back down in his seat and motioned for Kibum to do the same. “Well, how long has it been? Six or seven months?”
“Seven months, one week, and five days,” Kibum answered, almost a little too quickly than he would’ve liked. He suddenly grabbed a menu on the table and turned his attention over to it. He added as an afterthought, “Don’t think that means anything.”
Soohyun tossed a sly glance towards the younger man, but his look was quickly blocked by the menu Kibum held up. He took a sip of his coffee, and continued, “You miss him?”
“No.”
“Liar.” Soohyun took another sip. “You sound too defensive.”
“I thought you wanted to talk about finding a new apartment in the city,” Kibum tried to change the subject. Hearing Soohyun’s teasing chuckle, Kibum then slam the menu down on the table, his eyes were narrowed into a heated glare. “If I had known you wanted to talk about him, I wouldn’t have come here.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with talking about Kevin?” Soohyun waited for Kibum to reply, but when he received no response, he continued speaking with no sense of sensitivity in mind, “Kevin is living alone on the other side of the city right now, you know.”
Kibum remained quiet.
“Of course, Eli and Alexander are living close by, and I am as well until I find a place closer to my new job. He’s living well by himself, you know.”
“He’s a grown man, he should be fine living by himself,” Kibum said curtly, quickly getting up.
“So when is your flight to Tokyo?”
Kibum stopped, his body was visibly tensed. “H-how’d you know? The only people who know are…”
“Your family,” Soohyun finished Kibum’s thought for him. He took a long sip of his coffee; his eyes were closed as he savored the bitter taste of his beverage, and thinking over briefly how he should continue. He then opened his eyes slowly, and answered Kibum’s earlier question, “Your brother told me about it. We bumped into each other last Thursday at a convenience store.”
Kibum stood still, trying to absorb in Soohyun’s explanation. He then spoke so quietly, his voice was almost lost within the other noises of the café. “Does he know?”
“I haven’t told anyone yet.”
They both remained quiet, listening to the soft music playing and the light chatters of the other patrons. Kibum wasn’t too sure how much time had passed before he finally spoke again, “Good. Don’t tell anyone, at least not until I leave.”
“And when would that be?”
“HyungJun hyung already told you, didn’t he?” Kibum shoved his hands into his coat pocket. He looked down at his feet, watching with slight interest at one foot grinding the floor in a circular motion. He smiled bitterly when he heard the response he knew was coming.
“Yeah, this Saturday, right?”
“See me off?”
“Would it even matter?” The playfulness in Soohyun’s voice had disappeared, and was replaced with resentment. “You haven’t talked to any of us since then.” Soohyun stood up, and walked pass Kibum, ignoring the sad look on the younger man’s face.
Kibum stood in his spot for several minutes; his mind was still replaying his cold conversation with Soohyun. He thought about all of his friends he stopped talking to, thought about all of the happy times they’ve had together, and thought about whether or not his decision to start anew had left him alone in this cold world now. His chaotic thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he received a new text message:
I’ll be there. - Soohyun.
Kevin had been fine for seventeen months, two weeks, and three days, or at least, that was the lie he had told everyone, including himself. Truth be told, he was fine with the separation, but it was the loneliness that had followed that plagued him with countless nights of insomnia and robbed him of all feelings inside his now hollow heart.
“Oh, you’re busy with your classes, Dongho?” Kevin was on the phone talking with the younger boy as he paced around his bare apartment. As he listened to Dongho talk about his studies and goals for the future, Kevin wandered from room to room, finding the desire to always be moving to be a strange comfort for him. This habit had gradually started a few months ago, but he had only consciously realized it only recently when Eli had pointed it out. Since then, Kevin became more self-conscious about other habits he may have developed.
After about fifteen minutes on the phone, Dongho mentioned he had to get back to studying, and while Kevin didn’t want to hang up just yet, he knew he had wasted enough of the younger boy’s time. Kevin stopped walking for a moment, and he answered with the best cheerful voice he could mustered, “That’s fine, we can hang out some other night. Good luck with your exams. Dongho, hwaiting!”
He placed the phone back down on a table, and sighed to himself. Kevin made his way to the kitchen, and he began to rummage through the cabinets and refrigerator. “What should I have for dinner tonight,” he thought to himself as he picked up and put down one container after another. In the end, he settled for an unhealthy meal choice: leftover birthday cake from one of his coworkers’ party. No one would know about his insalubrious choice, and he simply wanted something sweet in his life right now.
Kevin sat down on the couch, a pillow was on his lap, and his plate of cake was on top of it. He turned on the T.V., but he wasn’t particularly interesting in watching anything. He just needed some noises to fill the quiet apartment as he ate his dinner. When he finished his meal, he pulled out his cell phone and called a random person on his contact list.
“Hello? Kiseop? How-Oh, I’m fine, really, I’m fine.”
He stopped talking, and he could hear Kiseop’s worried voice over the line questioning him. The more he stayed quiet, the more urgent and worried Kiseop sounded, and before long, Kevin felt something inside of him snap.
“I’m not fine…”
Kevin had forgotten how long it had been since he last cried, or how much he missed the days of laughing with his friends for no reason whatsoever. In the midst of his choked sobs, Kevin wondered how things even ended up this way.
“HyungJun hyung? How do you say ‘Do your fucking job right, you worthless little jackass’ in Japanese?” Kibum smiled wryly as he imagined his brother’s surprised and puzzled look on the other end of the phone. He then laughed, “Well, there’s this annoying guy at work that is always screwing up. One of these days, I swear I’ll snap, and just murder him on the spot.”
Kibum’s laugh faltered as he listened to HyungJun. “How’s Mom? Is she doing alright? Oh, really? Uh huh, I understand, yeah, sure.”
The phone conversation carried on with idle talks about the most trivial of all events that had happened, and it was relaxing for Kibum to be able to talk freely like he used to. He had missed this, having someone to talk to closely about the most insignificant of all things. He had found the conversation with his brother to be fun, until HyungJun brought up a sensitive topic for Kibum.
“So you met with the others, huh?” Kibum drummed his idle fingers on the table in front of him, a frown was making its way to his face. “You have some luck, hyung, bumping into those guys all the time. W-what?”
Kibum blinked in surprised. “I-I know they’re my friends, but…that’s not the point! Hyung! Why are you taking their side?”
Kibum rested his head on the table, unable to find the strength to sit upright any longer. His cell phone was close by with the speaker turned on.
“Kibummie, I heard your friend Soohyun is coming to see you this Wednesday.”
Kibum met with Soohyun at the airport, an awkward smile was on his face as he greeted his older friend, but he could sense that the other man was not here for simply a friendly visit. He walked a little ahead of Soohyun towards his waiting car outside, but when he heard Soohyun whispering something softly behind him, he froze to his spot instantly.
“Kevin broke down last week.”
“W-What do you mean?” Kibum tried to keep his voice even and nonchalant, but he knew he was failing.
“He called Kiseop, saying he was fine, and then he just suddenly broke down crying. Kiseop ended up going over to spend the night with Kevin.”
Kibum watched as a blur of people passed him, wondering to himself why in the middle of such a crowded places, he felt so alone. The last words Soohyun said replayed in his mind, first in a coherent sentence, before repeating in distorted order until the only thing he could remember were the two aforementioned names. He started to speak, his words coming out in short rasps, “Why should I care? It’s not like they slept together.”
Soohyun was quiet.
Kibum turned around when he realized Soohyun had not responded to him. “They slept together?”
“Not exactly, no,” Soohyun started, and he could sense a feeling of relief coming from Kibum. “But Kevin did want some meaningless fling. Kiseop said he was feeling lonely.”
“You said Alexander and Eli live nearby, so why should he feel so lonely that he needed to act like a slut?” The harsher the words, the easier he felt, and Kibum realized himself how twisted his logic sounded to him.
“Eli is in the States visiting his family, and Alexander is on a business trip in China.” Soohyun walked up to stand next to Kibum, a hand was rested on the other man’s tensed shoulder. “Why are you two idiots so stubborn?”
Kibum whispered softly, unsure of whether or not his explanation even made sense anymore, “We’ve drifted apart…didn’t we?”
“You tell me.” Soohyun continued walking, not caring whether or not Kibum was following him.
“You’ll be alright, right?”
Kevin smiled at Kiseop, brightly at first until his smile weakened to look apologetic. “Yeah, sorry about the other time, I was just…you know, I didn’t want to be alone, and it’s been…”
Kiseop interrupted him, his face was flustered as he stammered, “You don’t have to apologize or explain yourself. Nothing happened, so it-”
“I miss him.”
Kiseop looked at Kevin and smiled sadly as he wrapped his arm around the smaller man. He could feel the familiar tremble and hear the familiar broken voice speaking into his shoulder. “I really miss him.”
They remained like this for a while, and after several minutes had elapsed, Kiseop was surprised to hear Kevin voice whispering softly, “Do you want to know why we ‘drifted apart’?”
“Hyung, what is the opposite of ‘drift apart’?” Kibum was on the phone with HyungJun, having their weekly phone conversation. He lay on his bed, facedown, as he waited for his brother to respond to him. Minutes passed with him listening to only the traffic outside his apartment, and when he finally had enough of the wait, Kibum raised his head slightly, and groaned into the phone, “Did you even hear-what do you mean you’re looking it up online?”
His scowl suddenly disappeared when he heard his brother’s teasing laughter, and he realized he was being too sensitive right now. When they both calmed down, he continued, a slight chuckle was still in his voice, “Seriously, hyung, I want to know.”
He pressed the speaker on, and buried his face into a pillow.
“I think my cute baby brother already knows the answer.”
It took Kibum a month and a half to find the courage to return to Seoul, it took him another week to work up the nerve to go to his old friends and asked for Kevin’s address, and it took an additional five days to find the strength to ring the doorbell and not run away.
Unfortunately for him, Kevin was not home at the time.
“Damn bastard, just when I finally show up, he’s not home,” Kibum grumbled to himself, hands shoved into his coat pocket. He considered leaving, but then he remembered how long it took him to even find the courage to stand right in front of Kevin’s apartment door.
A couple of minutes shouldn’t hurt, he thought to himself.
He sat in front of the door with his arms wrapped around his legs, and waited. The minutes that passed soon became hours, but still he waited. It was now or never. After over a year of avoiding each other and trying to forget the other person, a part of him knew they needed to confront one another openly about what had happened and how it even came to that.
Kibum must have fallen asleep waiting, because when he opened his heavy eyes, he heard a light snort and felt a foot nudging him. “There’s a bum in front of my apartment.”
“Yes, there is.”
“Should we call the police, guys?”
“Or set him on fire?”
Kibum opened his eyes wider, and he glared at the men in front of him. “Bastards.”
“It’s been a while, hyung.”
Kibum remained in his position, watching as Kevin towered over him to press the combination on the keypad to unlock the door. They heard a beep, alerting everyone that the door was now unlocked. Kevin turned the doorknob, and watched with mischief glinting in his eyes as Kibum tumbled backwards into his apartment.
“Eli, Xander hyung, where are you guys going?”
Kibum looked up and could see Eli and Alexander shuffling away. Alexander stopped momentarily, and laughed, “We just remembered, Dongho called us earlier and asked us to pick up some cold medicine for him, so we’re going to go do that right now!”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“And so are you,” Eli added, pulling Alexander away.
Kevin frowned at the two of them, watching with annoyance at the two older men running away. He turned around and looked down at Kibum. Kevin walked through the threshold and closed the door. “Well, hyung, don’t just sit on the floor like that. The couch is over there.”
Kevin leaned forward so that his lower abdomen was pressed against the counter in his kitchen. His eyes were focused on an electric kettle in front of him. He watched with an intense interest as he waited for the water to boil.
“Nice place you have here.”
Kevin looked up, slightly startled, but then he quickly regained his composure. He watched out of the corner of his eye at Kibum meandering around his living room, moving close but never once stepping foot into the same kitchen Kevin was. Kevin cleared his throat a little, his eyes never left the kettle as he started to speak, “Thanks, and you’re doing well in Tokyo, I assume?”
Kibum mumbled something in the affirmative.
When the water had boiled, Kevin lifted the kettle up, and poured the water into a porcelain teapot. He then poured the tea into two waiting teacups. He glanced briefly behind him. “Would you like some snacks? I have-”
“N-no, don’t trouble yourself too much.”
Kevin walked out into the living room, carrying a tray with the tea. He placed the tray carefully on the coffee table, and watched as Kibum joined him on the couch.
“So why are you here?”
When Kibum had looked up at the clock, he realized he had been in Kevin’s apartment for approximately four hours, and in that time, they have only exchanged brief words and long silences. He looked at the empty teacups, knowing they had filled much of the time with just drinking. Kibum looked to his side, watching as Kevin fumbled with his cell phone.
“Do you have something else you need to do?”
“N-no,” Kevin answered quickly, almost dropping his phone on the floor. He placed the phone on the table, and turned to look at Kibum. “Tell me the truth, why are you here?”
Kibum was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know.”
Kevin turned his attention elsewhere. “Did the guys tell you to come back?”
“I haven’t talked to them in forever, well except for Soohyun hyung occasionally, but even that was-”
“So he made you come back?”
“No, he didn’t. He didn’t make me come back, and-”
“So why did you?”
“Goddamn it, would you let me finish a sentence first?” Kibum found himself slamming his palm onto the table, and the sound that followed forced the room into silence again. Even though Kevin was quiet now, patiently waiting to listen to Kibum speak, Kibum found himself not sure of what to say anymore. He then looked up when he felt a hand on his cheek, and his whisper was so quiet, it would have been lost had the room not been so hushed. “Did we make a mistake?”
Kevin shook his head, and a weak smile crept onto his face. “Maybe we needed this separation.” Kevin moved closer until he was next to Kibum. He rested his head on Kibum’s shoulder, and his smile widened as he thought about how much he missed this warmth. “We were suffocating each other, finding faults, putting blames, and even doing stupid things.”
“Like meeting other people behind each other’s back.”
“Yeah…” Kevin’s eyes glazed over as he thought about their past mistakes. “This was painful, but it was what we needed. We didn’t know what we had until it was gone.”
Kibum hunched over a little, his eyes were watching his fingers weaved among themselves. “You’re starting to sound too melodramatic.”
“Am I?” Kevin laughed. “I’ve been thinking about these things lately, wondering if it was too late to fix our relationship, or if it was even fixable.”
“Kevin?”
“Wh-“
Kevin’s eyes widened as he felt warm lips crashing against his own. It felt so familiar, but it also seemed like a distant memory, so old and surreal, it might as well have been just a beautiful dream. A whimper escaped when he felt rough hands slipping behind his back, making their way under his shirt until fingers were fluttering across his fair skin like flittering butterflies. “Ki-Ki-“
“Shut up,” Kibum whispered, his warm breath tickled Kevin’s lips. “You talk too much.”
Kibum pushed the younger man back down on the couch, and he straddled Kevin’s waist, his gaze were fixed on the wide doe-like eyes staring right back at him. He trailed light kisses, starting from Kevin’s forehead to the tip of his nose and finally settling on his lips. So soft, so warm, he had forgotten how much he loved those pink, plump lips that were able to bend the wills of others with ease. Burying his face into the soft auburn hair, words of longing tumbled out of his mouth, and Kibum knew he was stripping himself of all remaining pride.
“I missed you, Kibum, so, so-” Kevin placed a kiss on Kibum’s forehead. “So much, I thought I was going crazy.”
“You talk too much.”
Kevin let out a gasp when he felt Kibum pulling his shirt up and tossing it onto the floor. He shut his eyes tightly when Kibum moved closer until his mouth was so close to Kevin’s ear. He could hear Kibum’s husky voice teasing him, “Show me how much you miss me.”
When Kevin opened his eyes the following morning, he felt a warm ray of sunlight creeping onto his leg. He groaned softly, his mind was too muddled to figure out why his body was aching so badly right at that moment. It took him a while to clear his mind and adjust his vision for him to remember. His cheeks brightened to a pretty shade of pink when he realized Kibum had trapped him against the couch, and the only way for him to escape his position was to climb over Kibum’s nude body.
No wonder it’s so tight, Kevin’s mind managed to idly think. He tried to squeeze out, but Kibum unconsciously shifted his position so an arm was wrapped around Kevin. A soft, meek squeak slipped from Kevin’s lips, and he quickly closed his mouth when he noticed Kibum’s eyes opening.
“M-morning.”
“Good morning.” Kibum yawned softly. He moved closer, burying his head against Kevin’s chest. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Nowhere.” Kevin’s kissed the top of Kibum’s head. “I’m going nowhere, and neither are you.”
Kibum mumbled something in the affirmative, and started to drift off to sleep again. Kevin smiled and he closed his own eyes. “Are we starting over again?”
Kibum cracked an eye opened. “No, we’re just mending our relationship.”
“Ah, that’s right,” Kevin said understandably. “We’re just repairing broken bridges.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Kevin breathed, placing another kiss on Kibum’s head. “Let’s go back to sleep.”
They let sleep reclaimed them, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, everything appeared to be right again. They had drifted back together.