Maybe I'm Broken
Fandom: SS501
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: YoungSaeng/KyuJong
Word Count: 393
Summary: Just for this moment, he feels alive.
Warning: highlight for plot-sensitive detail: self-mutilation
Author's Note: kacts fill for ryuutsuki, using the prompt emotional themes. I actually started on this before I listened to "I'm Broken" but then it gave me the necessary push to finish this. :3 This is really more YoungSaeng-centric than YoungSaeng/KyuJong.
YoungSaeng trudged through the rainy streets of Seoul, his only guide to nowhere were the obnoxious neon signs. He looked in mild envy at those under umbrellas, comfortably sheltered from the downpour while he himself was soaked to the skin. He scoffed, moving forward and past a happy couple.
I-I’m fine.
He walked mindlessly until his feet carried him to an empty playground. Looking around, he made sure the playground was as empty as he had thought. Finding not a soul in sight, he climbed to the top of the spider’s web, carefully situating himself in the center. He looked to the dark sky, feeling the cold droplets hitting his skin relentlessly.
With his eyes closed, he pulled from his coat pocket a switchblade. He flipped it opened instinctively and guided the side of the blade against his arm, feeling the mysterious pleasure that the small weapon invoked. He opened his eyes, and guided the blade itself against his skin, a slight hiss escaped his mouth as he felt his flesh being pierced and sliced over and over again.
It was a strange euphoria that even he could not understand. This was wrong, bad, dangerous, but YoungSaeng didn’t care. He needed this. He needed to know that he was alive.
More, more, don’t stop, this is not enough…
YoungSaeng stopped his self-abuse when he heard his cell phone ringing. He dropped the knife, watching for a moment as the weapon fell through the opening in the spider’s web. When he was sure the weapon landed on the gravels, he answered his phone, a cheerful disposition masked his pain, “Hello, KyuJong, have you had din-oh, really? You’ll be home next month?”
YoungSaeng was quiet as he listened to KyuJong speak. After a brief conversation, YoungSaeng said weakly, “I’m fine, you don’t have to put everything on hold for me. Y-you do your things, don’t worry.”
I’m fine.
“I’ll wait for you, take care.” YoungSaeng hung up, his grip on the phone was so loose, it slipped through his hand and fell through the same opening, landing next to the switchblade. His eyes traveled to his wounded arm, watching with fascination as the streams of blood on his arm mingled together with the rain droplets, and he wondered how there could be such a beautiful thing in this world.
I’m not broken. I’m alive.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: YoungSaeng/KyuJong
Word Count: 393
Summary: Just for this moment, he feels alive.
Warning: highlight for plot-sensitive detail: self-mutilation
Author's Note: kacts fill for ryuutsuki, using the prompt emotional themes. I actually started on this before I listened to "I'm Broken" but then it gave me the necessary push to finish this. :3 This is really more YoungSaeng-centric than YoungSaeng/KyuJong.
YoungSaeng trudged through the rainy streets of Seoul, his only guide to nowhere were the obnoxious neon signs. He looked in mild envy at those under umbrellas, comfortably sheltered from the downpour while he himself was soaked to the skin. He scoffed, moving forward and past a happy couple.
I-I’m fine.
He walked mindlessly until his feet carried him to an empty playground. Looking around, he made sure the playground was as empty as he had thought. Finding not a soul in sight, he climbed to the top of the spider’s web, carefully situating himself in the center. He looked to the dark sky, feeling the cold droplets hitting his skin relentlessly.
With his eyes closed, he pulled from his coat pocket a switchblade. He flipped it opened instinctively and guided the side of the blade against his arm, feeling the mysterious pleasure that the small weapon invoked. He opened his eyes, and guided the blade itself against his skin, a slight hiss escaped his mouth as he felt his flesh being pierced and sliced over and over again.
It was a strange euphoria that even he could not understand. This was wrong, bad, dangerous, but YoungSaeng didn’t care. He needed this. He needed to know that he was alive.
More, more, don’t stop, this is not enough…
YoungSaeng stopped his self-abuse when he heard his cell phone ringing. He dropped the knife, watching for a moment as the weapon fell through the opening in the spider’s web. When he was sure the weapon landed on the gravels, he answered his phone, a cheerful disposition masked his pain, “Hello, KyuJong, have you had din-oh, really? You’ll be home next month?”
YoungSaeng was quiet as he listened to KyuJong speak. After a brief conversation, YoungSaeng said weakly, “I’m fine, you don’t have to put everything on hold for me. Y-you do your things, don’t worry.”
I’m fine.
“I’ll wait for you, take care.” YoungSaeng hung up, his grip on the phone was so loose, it slipped through his hand and fell through the same opening, landing next to the switchblade. His eyes traveled to his wounded arm, watching with fascination as the streams of blood on his arm mingled together with the rain droplets, and he wondered how there could be such a beautiful thing in this world.
I’m not broken. I’m alive.