Everyone's a Critic
Fandom: U-KISS
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack
Pairing: Alexander/Kevin
Word Count: 809
Summary: Kevin writes a story, Alexander is not pleased.
Theme: 33. Not Yet Rated
Author's Note: Started out as something ridiculous a writing exercise, became something indescribable instead. I'm...slightly ashamed. /rolls around
One time, Kevin attempted to write a story, and while most of the people he had shown his story to seemed to have liked it, one person did not.
“I ‘keeled over and died’?” Alexander scrutinized that one particular insulting line for a long time, before turning his harsh gaze onto the younger man sitting to the side of him. He gaped when Kevin responded with a listless shrug.
“There needs to be a conflict,” Kevin explained, making some sort of weird motion with his hand that didn’t really add any clarity to his reasoning.
“I died. How is that a conflict?”
Kevin blinked a few times. “The other characters need to figure out how you had died.”
Alexander shoved the packet back to Kevin, declaring simply, “You’re horrible.”
Kevin blinked again, before asking Alexander’s retreating back, “But don’t you want to read about when Kibum goes on an odyssey in search of a magical mushroom that brings you back to life?”
Kevin winced when the door slammed.
Kevin disappeared for days, and no one had heard from him, causing most of them to worry. Kibum assumed Kevin had gotten kidnapped by magical unicorns and became their queen. No one doubted him.
“Besides, he’ll come back when he’s hungry,” Kibum added, slurping up some of the instant noodles he was eating.
Alexander stared at his own cup of noodles, a sense of guilt formed in his stomach. He placed the cup on the table and said quietly, “I’m not hungry.”
He blinked when everyone had stopped slurping to stare at him in shock.
“W-what?”
“H-hyung, are you alright?” Soohyun placed his own cup on the table before feeling Alexander’s forehead.
“I’m fine, why?”
Kibum scoffed. “Because you not being hungry is definitely weirder than Kevin getting kidnapped by unicorns.”
The others nodded in agreement before Alexander huffed and walked off.
It took Alexander three hours of wandering around the city to all the places Kevin had previously frequented before he could find the guy in a café, hunched over a laptop and mumbling nonsensical phrases to himself. He knocked on the top of Kevin’s head, waiting for the younger man to make some sort of movement, but Alexander received no responses from him.
As Alexander attempted to stir a reaction out of Kevin again, he was taken aback when Kevin threw his head back and whined, “Hungry…”
Alexander stared at Kevin when he noticed the other man closing his eyes and making sniffing motions like a curious dog. Before he knew it, Kevin had pounced on him, shaking Alexander with surprising vigor. “Food! I smell food on you!” Kevin sniffed Alexander closely as if to emphasize his point. “Food…hyung…I want food…”
Alexander knocked on Kevin’s forehead. “What have you been doing to have gotten into this…state…?” Alexander frowned when Kevin gave him a blank stare and more whines about food. “What are you-“
“I’m writing a story.” Kevin jumped off of Alexander and turned his attention back to his laptop. Alexander cocked his head to the side, catching small glimpses of Kevin’s fingers tapping the keys in quick motions.
“Your story is terrible,” Alexander reminded Kevin.
Kevin frowned at Alexander. “I’ve revised my story.”
Alexander raised a brow.
“Soohyun hyung dies instead,” Kevin explained, earning a small smile from Alexander. “Dongho speaks to ghosts, Kibum goes on a journey looking for magical mushrooms that resurrects the dead, Eli is haunted by Soohyun hyung, and Kiseop is a chinchilla.”
Alexander gave Kevin an incredulous stare. After a brief pause, Alexander asked hesitantly, “What’s my role?”
“Giving me food as offering, because I’m the god with the magical mushrooms that can only be appeased by delicious food.”
“W-why me?” Alexander poked Kevin’s forehead forcefully. “I thought Kibum is the one on the journey.”
“Oh, you’re a hermit living near my shrine.” Kevin backed away when Alexander attempted to poke him again. He put up his hands in defense. “Would you rather be a hermit or would you rather be dead?”
Alexander considered the options, and then he sighed, “You have an awful imagination.”
“I’ve learned from the best.” Kevin smiled, and Alexander figured that the story may not be as bad as it had seemed. He frowned when he heard Kevin’s next words: “What should I…rate this as? There’s one scene where Kibum meets a village of hamsters that only know vulgar words.”
“As ruler of Xanderland, I hereby ban you from writing stories ever again.” Alexander pinched Kevin’s nose, earning himself a pitiful pout and a long whine.
Kevin turned around to face the laptop; his fingers were hitting the keys with lightning speed. Alexander peered over Kevin’s shoulder, mumbling the words that appeared on the screen. “I ‘WALKED OFF A CLIFF’?”
Kevin quickly uploaded his story online before grabbing his laptop and running away from a fuming Alexander.
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack
Pairing: Alexander/Kevin
Word Count: 809
Summary: Kevin writes a story, Alexander is not pleased.
Theme: 33. Not Yet Rated
Author's Note: Started out as something ridiculous a writing exercise, became something indescribable instead. I'm...slightly ashamed. /rolls around
One time, Kevin attempted to write a story, and while most of the people he had shown his story to seemed to have liked it, one person did not.
“I ‘keeled over and died’?” Alexander scrutinized that one particular insulting line for a long time, before turning his harsh gaze onto the younger man sitting to the side of him. He gaped when Kevin responded with a listless shrug.
“There needs to be a conflict,” Kevin explained, making some sort of weird motion with his hand that didn’t really add any clarity to his reasoning.
“I died. How is that a conflict?”
Kevin blinked a few times. “The other characters need to figure out how you had died.”
Alexander shoved the packet back to Kevin, declaring simply, “You’re horrible.”
Kevin blinked again, before asking Alexander’s retreating back, “But don’t you want to read about when Kibum goes on an odyssey in search of a magical mushroom that brings you back to life?”
Kevin winced when the door slammed.
Kevin disappeared for days, and no one had heard from him, causing most of them to worry. Kibum assumed Kevin had gotten kidnapped by magical unicorns and became their queen. No one doubted him.
“Besides, he’ll come back when he’s hungry,” Kibum added, slurping up some of the instant noodles he was eating.
Alexander stared at his own cup of noodles, a sense of guilt formed in his stomach. He placed the cup on the table and said quietly, “I’m not hungry.”
He blinked when everyone had stopped slurping to stare at him in shock.
“W-what?”
“H-hyung, are you alright?” Soohyun placed his own cup on the table before feeling Alexander’s forehead.
“I’m fine, why?”
Kibum scoffed. “Because you not being hungry is definitely weirder than Kevin getting kidnapped by unicorns.”
The others nodded in agreement before Alexander huffed and walked off.
It took Alexander three hours of wandering around the city to all the places Kevin had previously frequented before he could find the guy in a café, hunched over a laptop and mumbling nonsensical phrases to himself. He knocked on the top of Kevin’s head, waiting for the younger man to make some sort of movement, but Alexander received no responses from him.
As Alexander attempted to stir a reaction out of Kevin again, he was taken aback when Kevin threw his head back and whined, “Hungry…”
Alexander stared at Kevin when he noticed the other man closing his eyes and making sniffing motions like a curious dog. Before he knew it, Kevin had pounced on him, shaking Alexander with surprising vigor. “Food! I smell food on you!” Kevin sniffed Alexander closely as if to emphasize his point. “Food…hyung…I want food…”
Alexander knocked on Kevin’s forehead. “What have you been doing to have gotten into this…state…?” Alexander frowned when Kevin gave him a blank stare and more whines about food. “What are you-“
“I’m writing a story.” Kevin jumped off of Alexander and turned his attention back to his laptop. Alexander cocked his head to the side, catching small glimpses of Kevin’s fingers tapping the keys in quick motions.
“Your story is terrible,” Alexander reminded Kevin.
Kevin frowned at Alexander. “I’ve revised my story.”
Alexander raised a brow.
“Soohyun hyung dies instead,” Kevin explained, earning a small smile from Alexander. “Dongho speaks to ghosts, Kibum goes on a journey looking for magical mushrooms that resurrects the dead, Eli is haunted by Soohyun hyung, and Kiseop is a chinchilla.”
Alexander gave Kevin an incredulous stare. After a brief pause, Alexander asked hesitantly, “What’s my role?”
“Giving me food as offering, because I’m the god with the magical mushrooms that can only be appeased by delicious food.”
“W-why me?” Alexander poked Kevin’s forehead forcefully. “I thought Kibum is the one on the journey.”
“Oh, you’re a hermit living near my shrine.” Kevin backed away when Alexander attempted to poke him again. He put up his hands in defense. “Would you rather be a hermit or would you rather be dead?”
Alexander considered the options, and then he sighed, “You have an awful imagination.”
“I’ve learned from the best.” Kevin smiled, and Alexander figured that the story may not be as bad as it had seemed. He frowned when he heard Kevin’s next words: “What should I…rate this as? There’s one scene where Kibum meets a village of hamsters that only know vulgar words.”
“As ruler of Xanderland, I hereby ban you from writing stories ever again.” Alexander pinched Kevin’s nose, earning himself a pitiful pout and a long whine.
Kevin turned around to face the laptop; his fingers were hitting the keys with lightning speed. Alexander peered over Kevin’s shoulder, mumbling the words that appeared on the screen. “I ‘WALKED OFF A CLIFF’?”
Kevin quickly uploaded his story online before grabbing his laptop and running away from a fuming Alexander.