Now I'm Lying on the Cold Hard Ground
Fandom: SS501
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, General
Pairing: OT5 (squint, and there may or may not be HyunKyu. This is me, after all.)
Word Count: 1466
Summary: Sometimes there are perfectly logical explanations for five people sharing the shower. Other times, not so much.
Author's Note: WHO REMEMBERS THE SS501-ATHON? Well, here’s a prompt from there: 5 times they shared a shower. So basically, my five favorite idiots doing naked shenanigans together. Five times. I am not sorry.
one.
The first time they found themselves in the same shower, they thought nothing of it. It was a public shower, after all, and they were running around rampage at the water park since early morning to late afternoon. It was only natural for them to share the same shower.
“Yah! HyungJun, quit hogging the shampoo!” Jungmin lunged for the bottle, but it escaped HyungJun’s grasp and landed in HyunJoong’s instead. Jungmin changed his course, but only managed to slip on a bar of soap and landing on his behind hard.
HyungJun snickered while KyuJong looked concerned. YoungSaeng was too busy shampooing his own hair to give notice to the shenanigan next to him.
“WHO THE FUCK LEFT A BAR OF SOAP ON THE FLOOR?”
All eyes instantly turned to HyunJoong.
“What?” He whined, offended by this voiceless accusation.
two.
The second time they found themselves sharing a shower, they felt a strong sense of déjà vu.
“Wait, this scene seems familiar,” KyuJong noted as he shampooed his hair.
“Don’t be silly, KyuJong,” HyunJoong responded, proceeding to scrub the younger man’s back and earning a surprised yelp in the process. He grinned widely, still focused on his task. “This is the gym’s public shower, not the water park’s.”
“Well,” KyuJong started hesitantly, trying to inch away from HyunJoong’s sudden friendly gesture. He flinched when he heard a loud crash from the shower next to them, which was quickly followed by an angry scream from a very angry horse:
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, KIM HYUNJOONG.”
KyuJong’s eyes widened, quickly whirling his head to face HyunJoong who had a thoughtful expression. YoungSaeng looked from the opposite end, voice carrying a semi-accusatory tone, “Now, what’d you do?”
HyunJoong made a whining noise. “I didn’t do anything! I am innocent.”
Within moments, HyungJun trotted over carefully from the shower adjacent to them, carrying what appeared to be an orange bar of soap. Upon closer inspection, KyuJong noted aloud there was an inscription. He read, “‘Property of Kim HyunJoong. If found, please return to owner immediately.’”
“You personalized a bar of soap?” YoungSaeng raised an eyebrow.
“There was a special deal.” HyunJoong shifted uncomfortably in his spot.
“To personalize a bar of soap?” YoungSaeng asked again, tossing a look from the soap to HyunJoong.
“More importantly,” HyungJun interrupted the increasingly peculiar conversation, “Why was it on the floor in the other shower?”
“I think the better question,” HyunJoong started, smiling mischievously like the Cheshire cat, and also wishing to dodge the question, “What were you two doing in the shower together? Just the two of you. Together. Alone. Together. Naked.”
HyungJun’s face turned instantly red, which KyuJong also pointed out aloud.
“IT’S BECAUSE OF THE STEAM IN HERE.”
Three pair of eyes looked at the shower heads, which were all turned off.
HyungJun didn’t know whether he should be grateful or even more mortified when Jungmin ran over to strangle HyunJoong. He winced immediately when Jungmin started to shake their leader relentlessly while screeching murder into his face.
“Look, Jungmin,” HyunJoong held up the bar of soap. “It smells like carrots.”
“I DON’T FUCKING CARE,” Jungmin screeched back, still not relenting.
“We’re going to get kicked out,” YoungSaeng noted to the two other members, who responded with affirmative nods as they all resumed their earlier task of cleaning themselves.
“So how did the bar of soap get over to your side?” KyuJong wondered aloud, picking up a shower head and turning it on. He ducked his head under the water, feeling the warm liquid rinsing away his shampoo.
HyungJun shrugged. “Better question: why are there carrot-scented soaps? What sort of weirdo would buy something like tha-”
“YOU ASSHOLE, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN.”
The three other members mouthed “oh” as they quietly tried to ignore the ongoing homicide next to them.
three.
The third time they shared a shower, HyunJoong immediately pointed out the difference.
“I’m only here for the acoustic. I don’t know what you four are doing in there.”
“I came to give Jungmin this soap-on-a-rope I found earlier today,” HyungJun admitted sheepishly.
“Well, we heard a crash just a few minutes ago,” KyuJong added while gesturing to himself and YoungSaeng, who nodded in agreement.
“That’s all fine and dandy,” Jungmin started, “BUT WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE SO I CAN FINISH MY SHOWER?”
“Ah, that’s why you’re naked on the floor!” HyungJun clapped his hand in glee.
“Hey, look, so that’s where I left my soap-”
“KIM HYUNJOONG.”
“L-Leader, maybe we should leave-” KyuJong tried to pull HyunJoong aside but wound up ducking to avoid the onset assault of bathroom products aimed at HyunJoong.
As the three innocent members managed sneak out of the sudden battleground, they stood in front of the bathroom door, grimacing at the violence progressing on the other end. After a moment, HyungJun’s face lighted up, “You know this would make a good story to tell to the fans.”
YoungSaeng and KyuJong gave him a questionable look.
four.
The fourth time they shared a shower, it was in Jungmin and KyuJong’s hotel bathroom. HyungJun had whined that their bathroom didn’t have any hot water and he felt dirty from traveling all day.
“That still doesn’t explain why you have to interrupt my shower again,” Jungmin made sure to put extra emphasis on key words. He pulled the towel wrapped around his waist closer, making sure it was secured.
“Well, how else are we going to make it to our dinner reservation?” HyungJun pressed on.
“That’s terrible logic! YoungSaeng hyung, you can’t possibly agree to this, can you?”
“Well,” YoungSaeng stopped; his hand was already pulling gently at his hair. “It is getting late…”
“Wha-”
“Assuming each of us takes at most a 10-minute shower, that’s still going to be nearly an hour wait,” HyunJoong added matter-of-factly. He pushed Jungmin aside, ignoring the flabbergasted stammers. “Besides, in the time spent arguing, we’d all been done showering.”
“W-wait, stop stripping!” Jungmin stepped forward to stop the ensuing event, but he then realized too late that his foot landed on something slippery. It took only a second before he found himself on the floor staring up at two pairs of concerned eyes and two other pairs that were more amused than they should be.
“It’s back~” HyungJun sang, quite delighted with the situation. That happiness quickly disappeared when Jungmin’s fist found its way to his shoulder.
“Hyung,” KyuJong crouched down to retrieve the cursed object. “Why are you bringing this with you everywhere?”
“I spent 35,000 won on it. I’m not letting that go to waste.”
“Um,” YoungSaeng also crouched down. “I think Jungmin is losing consciousness.”
“So he is,” HyunJoong remarked, tone not changing.
When a huge bump started forming on Jungmin’s head, KyuJong quickly ran out of the room in a panic to find medical help.
“See, now if he had let us in the shower together, none of this would have happened.”
Jungmin opened his eyes briefly, muttering mostly to himself, “Why are you all so eager to share a shower with me?”
He lost consciousness after that.
five.
The fifth time they shared a shower, they had returned from a long night of rehearsal. HyungJun immediately commandeered the bathroom, much to the protests of the other members. He pushed his body against the door, trying to fight off the strengths of HyunJoong and Jungmin from the opposite side.
“Goddammit, when are we going to get this lock fixed?!”
“Never!” HyunJoong yelled from the other side. “Let us in, Kim HyungJun!”
“WAIT YOUR TURN!”
KyuJong sighed, shaking his head. He turned to YoungSaeng, “They do realized the last time this happened, Jungmin went to the emergency room in nothing but a towel, right?”
“Yah!” Jungmin turned to glare, still struggling to break down the door, “Whose fault was that?! You could have at least put some pants on for me!”
“I’m really not that comfortable dressing another man,” HyunJoong quipped.
“And yet you are so eager to shower with them.”
“…”
Snickering to himself, HyungJun gave in and opened the door, watching in amusement as the two older members fell. It wasn’t long before HyunJoong shot up, running straight to the shower. Jungmin stood up, immediately lunging forward. He let out a yelp when he found himself tripping over HyungJun’s foot.
“J-Jungmin? A-are you okay?” KyuJong and YoungSaeng instantly ran in when they saw the fall.
“I’m fine.”
“D-do you need help getting up?”
“No. I think I’m just going to lie here, for a while.” Jungmin shifted position so he was on his side. “Oh, look. The carrot-scented soap is back.”
The three other members turned towards HyunJoong.
He whined over the noise of the running water, “What?”
Clarifications
[1] Somewhere along the way, this became an abuse-Jungmin-at-all-moments story and I just didn’t even try to stop it.
[2] The full title should probably be “Now I'm Lying on the Cold Hard Ground, or Jungmin Gets Metaphorically Fucked by Trolling HyunJoong and the Universe (feat. YoungSaeng, KyuJong, & HyungJun)”
[3] I’m still not sorry.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, General
Pairing: OT5 (squint, and there may or may not be HyunKyu. This is me, after all.)
Word Count: 1466
Summary: Sometimes there are perfectly logical explanations for five people sharing the shower. Other times, not so much.
Author's Note: WHO REMEMBERS THE SS501-ATHON? Well, here’s a prompt from there: 5 times they shared a shower. So basically, my five favorite idiots doing naked shenanigans together. Five times. I am not sorry.
one.
The first time they found themselves in the same shower, they thought nothing of it. It was a public shower, after all, and they were running around rampage at the water park since early morning to late afternoon. It was only natural for them to share the same shower.
“Yah! HyungJun, quit hogging the shampoo!” Jungmin lunged for the bottle, but it escaped HyungJun’s grasp and landed in HyunJoong’s instead. Jungmin changed his course, but only managed to slip on a bar of soap and landing on his behind hard.
HyungJun snickered while KyuJong looked concerned. YoungSaeng was too busy shampooing his own hair to give notice to the shenanigan next to him.
“WHO THE FUCK LEFT A BAR OF SOAP ON THE FLOOR?”
All eyes instantly turned to HyunJoong.
“What?” He whined, offended by this voiceless accusation.
two.
The second time they found themselves sharing a shower, they felt a strong sense of déjà vu.
“Wait, this scene seems familiar,” KyuJong noted as he shampooed his hair.
“Don’t be silly, KyuJong,” HyunJoong responded, proceeding to scrub the younger man’s back and earning a surprised yelp in the process. He grinned widely, still focused on his task. “This is the gym’s public shower, not the water park’s.”
“Well,” KyuJong started hesitantly, trying to inch away from HyunJoong’s sudden friendly gesture. He flinched when he heard a loud crash from the shower next to them, which was quickly followed by an angry scream from a very angry horse:
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, KIM HYUNJOONG.”
KyuJong’s eyes widened, quickly whirling his head to face HyunJoong who had a thoughtful expression. YoungSaeng looked from the opposite end, voice carrying a semi-accusatory tone, “Now, what’d you do?”
HyunJoong made a whining noise. “I didn’t do anything! I am innocent.”
Within moments, HyungJun trotted over carefully from the shower adjacent to them, carrying what appeared to be an orange bar of soap. Upon closer inspection, KyuJong noted aloud there was an inscription. He read, “‘Property of Kim HyunJoong. If found, please return to owner immediately.’”
“You personalized a bar of soap?” YoungSaeng raised an eyebrow.
“There was a special deal.” HyunJoong shifted uncomfortably in his spot.
“To personalize a bar of soap?” YoungSaeng asked again, tossing a look from the soap to HyunJoong.
“More importantly,” HyungJun interrupted the increasingly peculiar conversation, “Why was it on the floor in the other shower?”
“I think the better question,” HyunJoong started, smiling mischievously like the Cheshire cat, and also wishing to dodge the question, “What were you two doing in the shower together? Just the two of you. Together. Alone. Together. Naked.”
HyungJun’s face turned instantly red, which KyuJong also pointed out aloud.
“IT’S BECAUSE OF THE STEAM IN HERE.”
Three pair of eyes looked at the shower heads, which were all turned off.
HyungJun didn’t know whether he should be grateful or even more mortified when Jungmin ran over to strangle HyunJoong. He winced immediately when Jungmin started to shake their leader relentlessly while screeching murder into his face.
“Look, Jungmin,” HyunJoong held up the bar of soap. “It smells like carrots.”
“I DON’T FUCKING CARE,” Jungmin screeched back, still not relenting.
“We’re going to get kicked out,” YoungSaeng noted to the two other members, who responded with affirmative nods as they all resumed their earlier task of cleaning themselves.
“So how did the bar of soap get over to your side?” KyuJong wondered aloud, picking up a shower head and turning it on. He ducked his head under the water, feeling the warm liquid rinsing away his shampoo.
HyungJun shrugged. “Better question: why are there carrot-scented soaps? What sort of weirdo would buy something like tha-”
“YOU ASSHOLE, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN.”
The three other members mouthed “oh” as they quietly tried to ignore the ongoing homicide next to them.
three.
The third time they shared a shower, HyunJoong immediately pointed out the difference.
“I’m only here for the acoustic. I don’t know what you four are doing in there.”
“I came to give Jungmin this soap-on-a-rope I found earlier today,” HyungJun admitted sheepishly.
“Well, we heard a crash just a few minutes ago,” KyuJong added while gesturing to himself and YoungSaeng, who nodded in agreement.
“That’s all fine and dandy,” Jungmin started, “BUT WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE SO I CAN FINISH MY SHOWER?”
“Ah, that’s why you’re naked on the floor!” HyungJun clapped his hand in glee.
“Hey, look, so that’s where I left my soap-”
“KIM HYUNJOONG.”
“L-Leader, maybe we should leave-” KyuJong tried to pull HyunJoong aside but wound up ducking to avoid the onset assault of bathroom products aimed at HyunJoong.
As the three innocent members managed sneak out of the sudden battleground, they stood in front of the bathroom door, grimacing at the violence progressing on the other end. After a moment, HyungJun’s face lighted up, “You know this would make a good story to tell to the fans.”
YoungSaeng and KyuJong gave him a questionable look.
four.
The fourth time they shared a shower, it was in Jungmin and KyuJong’s hotel bathroom. HyungJun had whined that their bathroom didn’t have any hot water and he felt dirty from traveling all day.
“That still doesn’t explain why you have to interrupt my shower again,” Jungmin made sure to put extra emphasis on key words. He pulled the towel wrapped around his waist closer, making sure it was secured.
“Well, how else are we going to make it to our dinner reservation?” HyungJun pressed on.
“That’s terrible logic! YoungSaeng hyung, you can’t possibly agree to this, can you?”
“Well,” YoungSaeng stopped; his hand was already pulling gently at his hair. “It is getting late…”
“Wha-”
“Assuming each of us takes at most a 10-minute shower, that’s still going to be nearly an hour wait,” HyunJoong added matter-of-factly. He pushed Jungmin aside, ignoring the flabbergasted stammers. “Besides, in the time spent arguing, we’d all been done showering.”
“W-wait, stop stripping!” Jungmin stepped forward to stop the ensuing event, but he then realized too late that his foot landed on something slippery. It took only a second before he found himself on the floor staring up at two pairs of concerned eyes and two other pairs that were more amused than they should be.
“It’s back~” HyungJun sang, quite delighted with the situation. That happiness quickly disappeared when Jungmin’s fist found its way to his shoulder.
“Hyung,” KyuJong crouched down to retrieve the cursed object. “Why are you bringing this with you everywhere?”
“I spent 35,000 won on it. I’m not letting that go to waste.”
“Um,” YoungSaeng also crouched down. “I think Jungmin is losing consciousness.”
“So he is,” HyunJoong remarked, tone not changing.
When a huge bump started forming on Jungmin’s head, KyuJong quickly ran out of the room in a panic to find medical help.
“See, now if he had let us in the shower together, none of this would have happened.”
Jungmin opened his eyes briefly, muttering mostly to himself, “Why are you all so eager to share a shower with me?”
He lost consciousness after that.
five.
The fifth time they shared a shower, they had returned from a long night of rehearsal. HyungJun immediately commandeered the bathroom, much to the protests of the other members. He pushed his body against the door, trying to fight off the strengths of HyunJoong and Jungmin from the opposite side.
“Goddammit, when are we going to get this lock fixed?!”
“Never!” HyunJoong yelled from the other side. “Let us in, Kim HyungJun!”
“WAIT YOUR TURN!”
KyuJong sighed, shaking his head. He turned to YoungSaeng, “They do realized the last time this happened, Jungmin went to the emergency room in nothing but a towel, right?”
“Yah!” Jungmin turned to glare, still struggling to break down the door, “Whose fault was that?! You could have at least put some pants on for me!”
“I’m really not that comfortable dressing another man,” HyunJoong quipped.
“And yet you are so eager to shower with them.”
“…”
Snickering to himself, HyungJun gave in and opened the door, watching in amusement as the two older members fell. It wasn’t long before HyunJoong shot up, running straight to the shower. Jungmin stood up, immediately lunging forward. He let out a yelp when he found himself tripping over HyungJun’s foot.
“J-Jungmin? A-are you okay?” KyuJong and YoungSaeng instantly ran in when they saw the fall.
“I’m fine.”
“D-do you need help getting up?”
“No. I think I’m just going to lie here, for a while.” Jungmin shifted position so he was on his side. “Oh, look. The carrot-scented soap is back.”
The three other members turned towards HyunJoong.
He whined over the noise of the running water, “What?”
Clarifications
[1] Somewhere along the way, this became an abuse-Jungmin-at-all-moments story and I just didn’t even try to stop it.
[2] The full title should probably be “Now I'm Lying on the Cold Hard Ground, or Jungmin Gets Metaphorically Fucked by Trolling HyunJoong and the Universe (feat. YoungSaeng, KyuJong, & HyungJun)”
[3] I’m still not sorry.