Son of a Bitch
Fandom: Inuyasha
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Crack-ish
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Word Count: 1467
Summary: Sesshoumaru tags along to Kagome and his mother’s weekly teatime. Everyone regrets it.
Author’s Note: If you don’t love Sesshoumaru’s mother, then I can’t talk to you.
“He was always a spoiled puppy, my dear.”
Kagome nodded in understanding as she watched the female demon seated across from her lifted her cup of tea with her perfectly manicured hands. Before she could respond, a waiter at the café passed by the two of them, stopping to ask how everything was. Both women smiled in gratitude before the waiter retreated back to the kitchen.
Kagome crossed her leg and held her own cup in her hand as she stared at the beverage inside, and then she sighed in frustration. “It still doesn’t excuse him from perpetually acting this way!”
Sesshoumaru’s mother nodded her head in agreement, causing strands of her straightened white hair to slip out of the low ponytail she had. She brushed them aside. “This is his father’s fault. As much as I loved the man, he was not always the disciplinarian with Sesshoumaru as he should have been. He had to wait until he died to give our son a lesson in compassion and strength-”
Both women looked to the chair to their sides when they heard someone clearing their throat loudly.
“Are you both going to insist on ignoring my presence?”
“Sesshoumaru, shush, dear, we are speaking right now,” his mother scolded him, earning a look of slight undignified bewilderment from her son. She turned her attention back to Kagome, somewhat annoyed. “Honestly, I don’t know why you allowed him to come with you, Kagome. This was supposed to be our girls’ time!”
Kagome shrugged in defeat. “I know, I know, Mother, but he was being well…such a puppy.”
“I was not.”
“You see? There he goes again.” Kagome held up a plate of assorted cookies and offered them to her guest, who took a shortbread cookie with delight. She swiftly set the plate down when Sesshoumaru made a move to grab the thumbprint cookie with raspberry jam in the middle. She shifted in her seat, turning just so his glare was not in her field of vision.
“You would think after over a thousand years he would have grown out of this childish phase.”
Kagome rolled her eyes. “Men. No matter how old they get, they’re still babies and expect you to mother them constantly.”
His mother laughed. “Exactly! The curse of being a woman, my dear.”
“I do not expect you to ‘baby’ me,” Sesshoumaru responded to Kagome’s callous comment with indignant. He grew more annoyed when she scoffed at him. He became even more sour when his mother waved him aside, choosing to ignore his existence.
“Word of advice, Kagome darling: don’t have sons.”
Kagome instantly blushed at the suggestion while Sesshoumaru slammed his hands on the table, standing up to voice his outrage.
“Alright, Mother, that is enough!”
His mother took a bite of her cookie, not even looking up to react to her son’s outburst. “Sit down, Sesshoumaru, you are causing a disturbance in the café.”
He stared at her, mouth slightly agape. Kagome slapped her forehead, even more embarrassed by Sesshoumaru’s behavior than his mother’s earlier advice. She quickly pulled him down by the sleeve of his shirt, glaring all the while.
“Why did you insist on coming if you knew you would have a terrible time?”
“I do not trust the two of you alone together.”
“Why not? What do you think we’re doing here, conspiring against you?”
“Yes,” Sesshoumaru answered, not blinking when Kagome became even more irate.
“We are just bonding! You do want your mother and girlfriend getting along, right?”
“I do not want her bonding with anyone,” Sesshoumaru said, gesturing to his mother who had stopped listening to the young couple in favor of exchanging flirtatious smiles with a white-haired businessman seated a couple tables away. He grimaced when the gentleman walked by, slipping not so discreetly a business card next to his mother’s plate, who proceeded to smile coquettishly while tucking it into her bra.
His mother blinked in surprised when she caught her son’s look of disgust, and then she smiled assuredly. “Do not worry, Sesshoumaru, your father will always be the love of my life, but a woman has her needs.”
“Stop,” Sesshoumaru interrupted before his mother could paint an even worse picture in his head. He placed his forehead into the palm of his hand, suddenly afflicted with the biggest migraine in centuries. At that moment, he regretted not accepting the flask of vodka Inuyasha had offered earlier in the morning when he revealed to his half-brother about meeting Kagome and his mother for their weekly afternoon tea.
She shrugged in response, unfazed by her son’s lack of manner. She turned her attention back to Kagome, “As I was saying earlier, sons are no good. They do not visit you-unless they have an agenda-they do not send letters, they are always causing trouble on a catastrophic level, and they are just like their father.”
“Well, in fairness to Sesshoumaru, he’s a loyal dog-I mean, boyfriend.”
“You did that on purpose.”
Kagome grinned cheekily, causing his mother to laugh. “Did I? I’m sorry, dear.”
“You’re right, Sesshoumaru does have that. Frighteningly so, as a matter of fact. For the past few centuries, I was worried he and that imp demon was an item.”
Kagome instantly keeled over, too tickled by the idea of Sesshoumaru and Jaken together. She wiped the tears from her eyes, ignoring the dirty looks Sesshoumaru continued to send towards the two women. “I believe Jaken had hoped for that to happen.” She continued quickly before Sesshoumaru could respond, “I know! We should invite Jaken next time.”
His mother clapped her hands together in delight. “Oh, it has been a while since I’ve seen that little demon.”
“You will do no such thing.”
“And make sure you do not bring him along,” his mother added, gesturing with her thumb to her sour son. Kagome immediately nodded in agreement. Intending to cheer him up, Kagome leaned over and gave Sesshoumaru a light hug, which in no way appeased his anger.
“Oh, relax. We are only kidding around. Don’t be such a puppy.”
“I thought we had laid to rest that expression!”
“Did we?” Kagome reached for the last thumbprint cookie Sesshoumaru had his eyes on earlier, taking a bite as she tossed a curious look to him, unperturbed by the subtle twitch in his eye. “Doesn’t sound like something I would agree to.”
“Oh, hush up, Sesshoumaru and leave the dear girl alone. She is the best thing to happen to you since Tenseiga.”
“Yeah, listen to your wise mother, Sesshoumaru!”
“Kagome…”
“Do I need to tell her about Shanghai 1872?”
“Shanghai? Why the hell have you never told me you left Japan? What did you do-eep!”
Kagome nearly fell to the floor when Sesshoumaru suddenly grabbed her by her wrist, ready to drag her as fast as he could out of the café before his mother could get another word in. Fortunately for him, his mother’s short attention span got the better of her before she could reveal too much of his past.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Kagome, but I must leave now with a friend.”
“Oh?” Kagome asked from her position on the floor, still frazzled by Sesshoumaru’s earlier behavior change. As she shakily stood up, her expression quickly changed as she grinned knowingly when the businessman from before walked by and offered an arm to Sesshoumaru’s mother. “Oh…”
She watched the female demon leave with the human man, laughing flirtatiously at whatever sweet nothings he was whispering in her ear.
Kagome glanced over to Sesshoumaru, watching as he settled back into his seat, more disturbed by his mother’s behavior than he would ever care to admit aloud. She, on the other hand, continued to grin widely as she watched the powerful demon before her dumbly reached for a cookie, quite possibly trying to will the last hour away from his memories.
She sat back down in her seat and reached for his free hand, finally catching his attention, though his mood remained on the damped side when he caught sight of her mischievous grin.
“What?”
“Do you want me to say it?”
“No,” he sighed, realizing she had another canine joke on her mind. He had an inkling what it might be, but he was too drained from the afternoon to tolerate her puzzling amusement in his bloodline. “I really do not, Kagome.”
“You’re too docile now,” Kagome responded, stealing the cookie Sesshoumaru was eating and foregoing the clever jab she had in her mind. She bit into it, waving off his perpetual look of annoyance. She kept her eyes on him, watching as he now drank slowly from his teacup, still mildly disturbed from the afternoon it seemed. “So what did happen in Shanghai 1872?”
Sesshoumaru choked.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Crack-ish
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Word Count: 1467
Summary: Sesshoumaru tags along to Kagome and his mother’s weekly teatime. Everyone regrets it.
Author’s Note: If you don’t love Sesshoumaru’s mother, then I can’t talk to you.
“He was always a spoiled puppy, my dear.”
Kagome nodded in understanding as she watched the female demon seated across from her lifted her cup of tea with her perfectly manicured hands. Before she could respond, a waiter at the café passed by the two of them, stopping to ask how everything was. Both women smiled in gratitude before the waiter retreated back to the kitchen.
Kagome crossed her leg and held her own cup in her hand as she stared at the beverage inside, and then she sighed in frustration. “It still doesn’t excuse him from perpetually acting this way!”
Sesshoumaru’s mother nodded her head in agreement, causing strands of her straightened white hair to slip out of the low ponytail she had. She brushed them aside. “This is his father’s fault. As much as I loved the man, he was not always the disciplinarian with Sesshoumaru as he should have been. He had to wait until he died to give our son a lesson in compassion and strength-”
Both women looked to the chair to their sides when they heard someone clearing their throat loudly.
“Are you both going to insist on ignoring my presence?”
“Sesshoumaru, shush, dear, we are speaking right now,” his mother scolded him, earning a look of slight undignified bewilderment from her son. She turned her attention back to Kagome, somewhat annoyed. “Honestly, I don’t know why you allowed him to come with you, Kagome. This was supposed to be our girls’ time!”
Kagome shrugged in defeat. “I know, I know, Mother, but he was being well…such a puppy.”
“I was not.”
“You see? There he goes again.” Kagome held up a plate of assorted cookies and offered them to her guest, who took a shortbread cookie with delight. She swiftly set the plate down when Sesshoumaru made a move to grab the thumbprint cookie with raspberry jam in the middle. She shifted in her seat, turning just so his glare was not in her field of vision.
“You would think after over a thousand years he would have grown out of this childish phase.”
Kagome rolled her eyes. “Men. No matter how old they get, they’re still babies and expect you to mother them constantly.”
His mother laughed. “Exactly! The curse of being a woman, my dear.”
“I do not expect you to ‘baby’ me,” Sesshoumaru responded to Kagome’s callous comment with indignant. He grew more annoyed when she scoffed at him. He became even more sour when his mother waved him aside, choosing to ignore his existence.
“Word of advice, Kagome darling: don’t have sons.”
Kagome instantly blushed at the suggestion while Sesshoumaru slammed his hands on the table, standing up to voice his outrage.
“Alright, Mother, that is enough!”
His mother took a bite of her cookie, not even looking up to react to her son’s outburst. “Sit down, Sesshoumaru, you are causing a disturbance in the café.”
He stared at her, mouth slightly agape. Kagome slapped her forehead, even more embarrassed by Sesshoumaru’s behavior than his mother’s earlier advice. She quickly pulled him down by the sleeve of his shirt, glaring all the while.
“Why did you insist on coming if you knew you would have a terrible time?”
“I do not trust the two of you alone together.”
“Why not? What do you think we’re doing here, conspiring against you?”
“Yes,” Sesshoumaru answered, not blinking when Kagome became even more irate.
“We are just bonding! You do want your mother and girlfriend getting along, right?”
“I do not want her bonding with anyone,” Sesshoumaru said, gesturing to his mother who had stopped listening to the young couple in favor of exchanging flirtatious smiles with a white-haired businessman seated a couple tables away. He grimaced when the gentleman walked by, slipping not so discreetly a business card next to his mother’s plate, who proceeded to smile coquettishly while tucking it into her bra.
His mother blinked in surprised when she caught her son’s look of disgust, and then she smiled assuredly. “Do not worry, Sesshoumaru, your father will always be the love of my life, but a woman has her needs.”
“Stop,” Sesshoumaru interrupted before his mother could paint an even worse picture in his head. He placed his forehead into the palm of his hand, suddenly afflicted with the biggest migraine in centuries. At that moment, he regretted not accepting the flask of vodka Inuyasha had offered earlier in the morning when he revealed to his half-brother about meeting Kagome and his mother for their weekly afternoon tea.
She shrugged in response, unfazed by her son’s lack of manner. She turned her attention back to Kagome, “As I was saying earlier, sons are no good. They do not visit you-unless they have an agenda-they do not send letters, they are always causing trouble on a catastrophic level, and they are just like their father.”
“Well, in fairness to Sesshoumaru, he’s a loyal dog-I mean, boyfriend.”
“You did that on purpose.”
Kagome grinned cheekily, causing his mother to laugh. “Did I? I’m sorry, dear.”
“You’re right, Sesshoumaru does have that. Frighteningly so, as a matter of fact. For the past few centuries, I was worried he and that imp demon was an item.”
Kagome instantly keeled over, too tickled by the idea of Sesshoumaru and Jaken together. She wiped the tears from her eyes, ignoring the dirty looks Sesshoumaru continued to send towards the two women. “I believe Jaken had hoped for that to happen.” She continued quickly before Sesshoumaru could respond, “I know! We should invite Jaken next time.”
His mother clapped her hands together in delight. “Oh, it has been a while since I’ve seen that little demon.”
“You will do no such thing.”
“And make sure you do not bring him along,” his mother added, gesturing with her thumb to her sour son. Kagome immediately nodded in agreement. Intending to cheer him up, Kagome leaned over and gave Sesshoumaru a light hug, which in no way appeased his anger.
“Oh, relax. We are only kidding around. Don’t be such a puppy.”
“I thought we had laid to rest that expression!”
“Did we?” Kagome reached for the last thumbprint cookie Sesshoumaru had his eyes on earlier, taking a bite as she tossed a curious look to him, unperturbed by the subtle twitch in his eye. “Doesn’t sound like something I would agree to.”
“Oh, hush up, Sesshoumaru and leave the dear girl alone. She is the best thing to happen to you since Tenseiga.”
“Yeah, listen to your wise mother, Sesshoumaru!”
“Kagome…”
“Do I need to tell her about Shanghai 1872?”
“Shanghai? Why the hell have you never told me you left Japan? What did you do-eep!”
Kagome nearly fell to the floor when Sesshoumaru suddenly grabbed her by her wrist, ready to drag her as fast as he could out of the café before his mother could get another word in. Fortunately for him, his mother’s short attention span got the better of her before she could reveal too much of his past.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Kagome, but I must leave now with a friend.”
“Oh?” Kagome asked from her position on the floor, still frazzled by Sesshoumaru’s earlier behavior change. As she shakily stood up, her expression quickly changed as she grinned knowingly when the businessman from before walked by and offered an arm to Sesshoumaru’s mother. “Oh…”
She watched the female demon leave with the human man, laughing flirtatiously at whatever sweet nothings he was whispering in her ear.
Kagome glanced over to Sesshoumaru, watching as he settled back into his seat, more disturbed by his mother’s behavior than he would ever care to admit aloud. She, on the other hand, continued to grin widely as she watched the powerful demon before her dumbly reached for a cookie, quite possibly trying to will the last hour away from his memories.
She sat back down in her seat and reached for his free hand, finally catching his attention, though his mood remained on the damped side when he caught sight of her mischievous grin.
“What?”
“Do you want me to say it?”
“No,” he sighed, realizing she had another canine joke on her mind. He had an inkling what it might be, but he was too drained from the afternoon to tolerate her puzzling amusement in his bloodline. “I really do not, Kagome.”
“You’re too docile now,” Kagome responded, stealing the cookie Sesshoumaru was eating and foregoing the clever jab she had in her mind. She bit into it, waving off his perpetual look of annoyance. She kept her eyes on him, watching as he now drank slowly from his teacup, still mildly disturbed from the afternoon it seemed. “So what did happen in Shanghai 1872?”
Sesshoumaru choked.