Gravitation/General/CUSTOM + Wash
Title: Baptism
Author: cuethe_pulse
Fandom: Gravitation
Prompt: Table 10:01-Wash
Character/Pairing: Eiri, Riku, past/ghost Yuki Kitazawa, mentions of Shuichi
Rating: PG-13, I think
Word Count: 744
Summary: A simple bath together turns into a baptism.
Authors Notes/Disclaimer: Gravitation and its characters do not belong to me. Spoilers up to Gravitation Ex, but takes place after it.
People get arrested for stuff like this, Eiri thinks, but he starts to fill the bathtub with water anyway. Beside him, Riku is undressing. He has a birthmark on his hip and the shape reminds Eiri of a lamp. But maybe he’s seeing things. He’s had an awful lot to drink today.
“Not too hot, is it?” He asks, only because Shuichi will never forgive him if he scalds the kid.
Riku shakes his head and waits patiently for Eiri to remove his clothes. His eyes are on Shuichi’s rubber ducky that sits on a counter between a box of Q-tips and some strange, glittery hair goop the singer buys; he isn’t going to ask for the bath toy, and Eiri is grateful for that. He doesn’t like ducks.
(He remembers, once, Yuki took him to Central Park with some bread for the ducks. He fed them, because Yuki told him to. He’d always done everything Yuki told him to. Everything…)
Eiri tells himself to stop thinking about ducks.
And Yuki, his mind supplies as an afterthought.
And Yuki. Not-completely-sober thoughts of Yuki plus being alone with Riku does not add up well. Throw ducks in the mix and, well…
Bathing with Riku isn’t what Eiri expects bathing with children to be like. But then, Eiri’s long since stopped expecting Riku to be like normal children. He isn’t entirely convinced the kid isn’t really an alien. He doesn’t splash the water. He doesn’t ask for bubbles, but usually Eiri puts them in anyway, because he knows Shuichi does. He doesn’t tonight and Riku doesn’t ask why. He sits quietly with his back to Eiri, running a soapy washcloth up and down his arms. He has strange marks on his shoulders that Eiri doesn’t think he’s seen before.
(He remembers Yuki’s hands on his shoulders-how hot they were. It was only after the murder that he imagined having burns there.)
The marks go away when the washcloth is swiped over them, and Eiri realizes they must’ve been made from markers. He wonders how that happened. Riku must color like a crazy person, he thinks. He doesn’t really know how a crazy person colors.
(“You’re crazy,” he laughed, once, when Yuki said he should stay in New York, said he should live with him, said he would raise him well. Yuki just grinned and said, “You were thinking it, too.”)
“Daddy,” Riku says, turning, offering him the soap.
“Don’t call me that.” Eiri takes it. His voice isn’t as sharp as he wants it to be. It isn’t cold or harsh. It’s just tired. “You know I killed him.”
(“You know I killed him, you know it,” he shouted in the airport and Tohma tried to cover his mouth. “Don’t-you know I did it, so stop looking at me like I didn’t, and don’t tell me it’s okay!” Tohma gave up and held him close, but he didn’t cry. He cried once, that one time, and then never again until years, years, years later.)
Riku is completely turned around now, and he watches Eiri scrub at his skin. Eiri tries to ignore him-this silent presence, this constant, constant reminder. He can never stop thinking about Yuki. He’ll forget about ducks and imaginary burns, but not him, never him. He’ll never forget and he’ll never forgive himself. How is supposed to forgive himself when Yuki isn’t there to tell him that he can?
Riku takes the washcloth from him when his skin turns red, and he doesn’t protest. He’s tired. The water isn’t too hot, but it is hot, and the heat is mixing with the alcohol in his blood, and he’s tired. Riku cups the water in his palms and lifts his hands, letting the water fall onto Eiri’s skin. Eiri allows him this; Eiri feels like he should allow him so much more. Slowly but surely, Riku washes away the soap, and he looks at Eiri and says, “It’s okay.”
“What?” Eiri is tired and uncertain.
“You’re forgiven,” Riku says, and Eiri says nothing.
Riku is a kid, and Eiri knows he shouldn’t believe him so completely because he doesn’t know anything. When he gets older, he’ll change his mind and quite possibly go after Eiri in his sleep with a razor. But he does believe him. Just like he believed Yuki, always.
And he knows people get arrested for stuff like this, but he reaches out and holds Riku close anyway.