Time to fall into a hole and die
Warning: This entry contains non-teenage angst.
Not that anyone bothers anymore, but hey. I have to pour my heart out somewhere.
Went formal dress shopping. My body is not what I thought it was. I have this huge J-Lo arse and what little boobs I had, add a formal dress and they're gone. Rachel said "You need to grow some boobs, seriously" I felt like rolling up into a little ball and crying like a little girl. It was mostly good until I was wearing this blue dress that I liked (although I had no boobs) and Rachel came out in this pink dress and looked absolutely fabulous. And I'm standing there feeling shittier and shittier in this dress, and then I catch sight of my arse in the mirror opposite me, and oh my god. I looked like J Lo. I had an arse the size of ku-wait. And not a good arse mind you but like a thin hips fat upper thighs skinny legs type arse. Where I looked like all my body fat had melted and got stuck where my legs met my bum.
Manda doesn't wanna do a speech at my 21st. I thought she'd want to. With that, Dad having a spaz, Lucas not wanting it at the WAC, my looking shit in formal dresses I wanna cancel the whole bloody thing. Better yet, I wanna die. I mean I always thought people would WANT to throw a 21st party for me, but nobody wants to but me. And why throw a party just for myself that nobody wants?
I'm over it. I'm over everything. I'm just gonna stop eating until my body absorbs my ass.
T.