SVU Thriller Edition #14 - Deadly Terror: The Return of William White, Part II
SVU Thriller Edition #14 - Deadly Terror: The Return of William White, Part II
This book concludes a two-part thriller edition story arc that began in CyberStalker: The Return of William White, Part I, and the title pretty much sums it up: William White returns and stalks Elizabeth in CyberLand. It's...about as silly as it sounds.
On the cover we see Elizabeth fleeing the giant half-head of William White. She's totally running like a girl. Yeah, I don't like the phrase either, but it's the only way I can describe it.
The book picks up where the last one left off as Elizabeth stares at William White, standing in shadow with his white rose. She says he's dead, he says he isn't (I think he's got the upper hand in this argument) and asks for her forgiveness. He claims he's been punished for his deeds and steps out of shadow to reveal that half of his face is scarred and disfigured. He doesn't break into song, though. Elizabeth actually feels guilty for ruining his face, because it happened when she crashed his car to keep him from driving them off a cliff. Yeah, Liz, you should have just let him kill you both. Forget sainthood; I think Elizabeth officially wants to be Jesus.
William cries and Elizabeth looks away in pity, but when she looks back he's disappeared. Elizabeth runs away, proving that her legs still work. Don't ask me why she didn't run away as soon as she recognized him. She did it about a million times in the last book.
Elsewhere, Tom wakes up on the quad after being knocked unconscious. As he stands up, he sees a low-hanging branch and assumes he smacked into it and knocked himself out when he was chasing after Elizabeth at the end of the previous book. Let's just stop and enjoy that image for a moment, shall we? Ahhh... Anyway, he realizes that explanation doesn't make sense, because he has a bump on the back of his head.
William White spends some time with his therapist, Dr. Denby. He complains that in spite of his efforts, including spending almost all of his remaining money on the CyberDreams fair, Elizabeth won't forgive him. Really, William? Even though you stalked her through three virtual reality dreams and then snuck up behind her and scared the crap out of her? Can't imagine how any girl could stay mad after that. "Only a saint could love someone as deformed and ugly as I am now," William moans. A saint? Liz, I think they're playing your song. The scene ends with William refusing to talk about what he calls "the ultimate level" of his plan. Well, I don't know about you, but I can't imagine how that could be anything but good news, right?
Jessica, meanwhile, is still fuming about Jonah and her virtual reality CyberDreams and how Jonah Falk had manipulated her. She's so angry, she doesn't even answer the phone when it rings. She must be really pissed off. The answering machine picks up and the caller turns out to be Charles Sampson, a film director she met when she almost starred in a feature film. (This happened in Jessica's Secret Diary, Volume III, where you can read all about Charles' perviness romantic feelings for Jessica.) She calls him back and he says something along the lines of, "I saw your picture in a calendar of bikini-wearing sorority girls this morning and, oh, by the way, would you be interested in coming with me to the Independent Movie Awards this Friday?" I'm sure he wants her company because of her stimulating conversation skills. How very smooth, Charles.
He turns on the charm full blast, though, when he adds that his first choice for a date couldn't make it. She's torn, because on the one hand Charles is being kind of an ass, but on the other hand this is Jessica Wakefield and she just can't turn down a night of glamour and photographers. Her pathological need to be the center of attention wins, and she agrees to go with him-after making him beg. Damn straight, Jess.
She's digging through her closet, trying to find something fancy enough to wear to an awards ceremony, when Elizabeth comes home and tells her about the William-sighting. Liz calls the police and talks to Detective Kaydon. She tells him that William White is still alive, and his response is basically, "Um, yeah. How'd you figure it out?" Sweet Valley police have clearly taken negligence to new heights. He rationalizes everything by saying they thought she'd feel better if she thought he was dead. (facepalm) Even better, he adds that William was released into the care of a psychiatrist-Dr. Denby-and cites overcrowded prisons and saving tax dollars. Yeah, they ought to release all of the homicidal maniacs from prison. Imagine the space and money they'd save! It's a solution with no drawbacks. Except for that whole crazy-people-running-around-loose thing. Kaydon insists that William is safely locked away, though, and when Elizabeth tells him she saw him on the SVU campus he dismisses it as "coed hysterics." Seriously, you'd think by now the Sweet Valley police would believe a Wakefield who's claiming a lunatic is trying to kill them. It happens every other book, after all.
But this is a Sweet Valley book, and the plot would fall apart if the police were, you know, competent. So no help for Elizabeth. She explains the situation to Jessica, who almost immediately suggests that maybe William is cured and Liz has nothing to worry about. Figures that the sociopath would side with the psycho. She also adds that "the cops would come on the double if there was any chance you were in danger." It's possible; there's a first time for everything. She lectures Elizabeth on giving people second chances and basically scoffs at her fears. Yeah, Liz. Sure, he tried to kill you twice, but he was unsuccessful. Doesn't that count for anything? Jess eventually loses interest and starts searching her closet again, "annoyed at her sister's self-absorption." That one snarks itself. I suppose she does have a point, though-by this point, psychotic killers are pretty much a routine thing for the twins. Another axe murderer? Get in line, buddy.
Tom shows up at that point and, being the perceptive and sensitive boyfriend he is, interprets Elizabeth's nervous look as too much blush and irritation at Jessica for cluttering the room with clothes. Is that what mortal terror looks like? Heavy makeup and annoyance? Interesting. He's very proud of himself for being so intuitive, by the way, so he can't understand why Elizabeth is shutting him out. They argue, and she leaves for the library to work on a new archiving project.
At the library, head librarian John Petrie shows Elizabeth through a newly-discovered network of passages in the library. Because every building in the world has secret passageways. In spite of her traumatic experience of about an hour ago, she spends some time silently mocking the librarian for being so serious. Shut up, Liz. He shows her a room full of file cabinets, where she will be cataloging records. He also warns her not to break a nearby natural gas pipe or unplug the light cords, because if one gets unplugged, the rest will go out as well. Surely neither of these two things, which are discussed for at least half a page each, will be important later.
Sitting in the WSVU studio, Tom sulks about how much Elizabeth has changed. He's interrupted by Julie Fiore, a new staff member, who is described throughout the course of one short scene as being "pudgy," with "chubby arms" and "ample hips." I get it, ghostwriter. She's no size six and therefore inconsequential. Can we get back to William White now? Tom tells Julie about his problems with Elizabeth, and she advises him to buy her flowers. He decides to give it a shot because "he'd tried everything else." Aside from having a rational conversation with her, but what could that possibly accomplish?
Later, Elizabeth goes back to the library to work on a research paper. As she looks for the books she needs in the basement, William shows up again. After a short round of "William, go away"/"Elizabeth, forgive me," she decides to give him a chance. God, she's dumb. When he tries to give her a white rose, though, she freaks out-at the flower, not him-and runs off again. She needs to prioritize her fears better. William=okay but rose=scary?
The next day, Elizabeth receives a humongous display of flowers from Tom. She thinks they look gaudy (and they probably do), and when Tom comes in shortly after he pouts because she doesn't immediately fawn all over him. She tried to feign more enthusiasm, but he picks another fight within about a minute of his arrival and storms out. Overreact much, Tom? He took her less-than-thrilled reaction so personally, it kind of makes me think he was compensating for something with the giant bouquet.
Jessica and Lila go shopping for a dress for the Independent Movie Awards, and I should mention that Lila is wearing capri pants and a sweater set, all in bubble-gum pink. Maybe it's just my total hatred of pink talking, but it sounds terrible. Lila is also tired of shopping and wants to go home. That settles it: Lila's been murdered and replaced by an insane doppelganger. There's no other explanation.
Jessica finds a dress and buys it, then drags Lila to the Diamond Galleria, staffed by a man with "one strand of hair swirled around and around the top of his pink, bald head."
Diamond Galleria jeweler =
Unfortunately, Jessica has no money left after buying the dress, so she can't afford anything there. Lila suggests she offer to borrow a necklace and wear it as free advertising, like lots of movie stars do, and then bails on her.
Meanwhile, Liz receives another bouquet of flowers-this time, wildflowers from William. The card asks her to meet him in the library basement at 2:00, and she feels the fact that he didn't threaten her in the note means he's really changed. It...really doesn't take much to impress her, does it? Jessica arrives to ask her to help her borrow a necklace from a jewelry store. Liz doubts that she'd succeed where Jessica has failed, but Jess counters with, "You must have an aura or something." Jessica has seen this book cover. When Jessica pleads, "You're my sister. My older sister," Elizabeth replies, "By four whole minutes." You know, I'm getting the feeling the ghostwriter is actually making fun of the books.
Liz actually holds out against Jessica's whining for almost five pages when someone knocks on the door. It's Tom, ready to make up. He sees the new flowers, though, and almost immediately turns into a jealous asshole. Wow, Tom, you lasted almost half a page before regressing back to a toddler. Elizabeth kicks him out and fumes until Jessica resumes her whining. It's Liz, so of course she caves and they go to the mall. Tom sees them go and gets even more pissed off, because apparently she's not allowed to leave her dorm without his permission. He assumes she's going on a date with another guy-because when I go on dates, I always bring my sister along-and decides to follow them. Damn, Liz's stalker count is really starting to climb!
At the library, William is trying hard not to be angry that Elizabeth stood him up. He finally calms down and whispers, "I forgive you for being afraid, for wanting me dead...even for crashing me into that tree." That's very big of you, William. I'm glad you don't hold a grudge against her for acting to save her own life.
At the mall, Jessica bluffs the owner of a fancy jewelry store into letting her borrow an expensive pearl necklace. I'm not sure just how nice the store is, though, considering it's in a mall and the owner wears a ring with a diamond as large as a piece of bubble gum. I'm not a fan of man-rings in general, but this one sounds beyond tacky. Anyway, Jessica signs some forms and leaves with her prize, but not before Elizabeth catches Tom following them through the mall and chews him out.
In another session, Dr. Denby gives William some stalking tips so he can fake an errand in order to run into Elizabeth on the quad. Oh, this is so not right. William finds the twins there after they return from the mall and they hold an awkward conversation. Jessica is much more freaked out by his scarred face than by his past attempts at murder. She warms to him after he flatters her shamelessly, and then shows him the necklace. Elizabeth begins to think William is better than Tom. I begin to think Elizabeth is three quarters short of a dollar.
Then William leaves and Jessica and Elizabeth discuss how much he's changed. Jessica asks if Liz is going to see him again, and she responds that she's not sure "because of...things." "Things" being all the times he tried to kill her and her friends. Jessica is still thrilled from all of William's compliments and claims she needs to relax and "forgive and forget," because a little flattery excuses all kinds of insanity and violence.
That night, William throws some pebbles at Elizabeth's window and asks to come up. Liz agrees because, and I quote, "He hadn't done anything wrong-lately." After all, he hasn't actively tried to kill her for, what, a month? Surely it's completely safe to be alone with him now. She makes tea while he wanders around the room, and then they nearly kiss. I'm really starting to think that Elizabeth is simply turned on by people who try to kill her. Maybe it's some sort of weird kink. She has a sudden flash of common sense, though, and pulls away. William leaves and Elizabeth feels conflicted.
Meanwhile, Tom, who clearly learned so much from Elizabeth yelling at him earlier, is sitting outside her dorm in his car so he can spy on her. He sees two silhouettes in the window, recognizes that one is male, and flies into another jealous rage. TOM SMASH! He runs up to her room, but William has already gone. Tom begins searching the room, fists ready, as soon as she lets him in. I think we missed the opportunity for a Tom Punch! They fight (yet again) and this time they break up. I'm choked up about it.
Jessica drags Lila to the dorm the next day to show her the necklace. However, when Jessica opens the case...wait for it...the necklace is missing! Oh noes! Jessica panics and drags Lila out to the quad to help her search for it. Or rather, to make sarcastic comments while Jessica searches. Lila Fowler doesn't do manual labor.
At the library, Elizabeth is cataloging and wondering why she isn't more upset about the break-up. I have a theory about that. Taking a break, she examines an old bookcase and pulls on a book, only to have the entire bookcase swing around and trap her in a bad-smelling secret room. Yeah, we're pretty much in an episode of Scooby Doo now. After a frantic search she finds a latch on the bookcase and swings back around. Elizabeth comes back home and a distraught Jessica explains the necklace situation. They decide to retrace their steps but don't find it, so Elizabeth comes up with the idea to ask Tom to broadcast an announcement about the necklace on WSVU. I'll take the Vegas odds on how that'll turn out.
Elsewhere, William confesses some mysterious deed to Dr. Denby, who reassures him all's fair in love and war. William is happy that Denby always tells him what he wants to hear. You know where this is going, right?
When Elizabeth asks Tom for help, he refuses and instead bitches her out. He does make one good point, though: "Jessica is always getting into some idiotic scheme, and you're always bailing her out. How is she ever going to grow up if you don't let her take responsibility once in a while?" Hells yeah. But other than that, he's a total asshole to her and she runs out. Damn, she does a lot of running in this book.
Elizabeth breaks the bad news to Jessica, but then decides to go to William for help. Good idea, Liz. Maybe he can stalk the necklace and kill all of its friends. That'll solve the problem. She finds him in the library basement and tells him about the necklace. He says he'll help them look again and if they can't find it, he'll loan them the money to replace it. They search the quad once again and William finally finds it under a shrub. Jessica is so happy, she gives him permission to hang out with Liz "for as long as she lives." Oh, the morbid jokes I could make out of that one. Why don't you go ahead and fill in your own?
Elizabeth briefly wonders how she could have missed the necklace, having searched that shrub earlier in the day, but blames it on her concern for Jessica. She agrees to go on a date with William that Friday night. You know how in horror movies the heroine will walk into a room where you know the bad guy is hiding, and you yell at her not to go in there but she goes in anyway? This is nothing like that, because at this point I think Elizabeth deserves what she gets for being a total moron.
On Friday, Jessica and Elizabeth prepare for their dates. You may be interested in knowing that Liz is, in fact, wearing the flowered dress pictured on the cover, and she and Jess futz around for about half a page adding the green sweater tied over her shoulders. The ghostwriter/artist partnership fails, however, because she wears her hair in a French braid even though it's loose in the picture. So close. Elizabeth admits to Jessica that she's a little nervous about William, but Jessica reassures her that "he's just a big old marshmallow." Yup, just a big old psycho killer marshmallow.
Tom calls at that point, and Jessica answers. She snipes at him, and he hangs up on her. He's pretty much useless in this book so far, isn't he?
Elizabeth meets William for their date, a picnic in the library. He shows her a secret entrance and tells her that because his grandfather designed the library, he knows all of the secret passages. He also talks about his dysfunctional family, which moves Liz to tears. I'm picturing the sad face/arm pat combo we've seen on so many SVH covers.
Meanwhile, Tom decides to find Elizabeth and try to talk their problems out. When no one answers the phone at the dorm room, he guesses that she might be at the library, cataloging. And off he goes, ready to do what he damn well should have done halfway through the last book.
William takes Elizabeth to explore the secret corridors and brings him to his home-a little room within the passageways lit by candles. Seriously, I think William should be singing about the music of the night or something by now. Elizabeth feels queasy because the room smells like death, but shakes it off and chats with William. Come on, Liz. When is the smell of death ever a good sign? Apparently to her it's an aphrodisiac, because soon she's making out with him.
After a few moments she pulls away and says they should slow down. William has a meltdown and tells her Dr. Denby said she owes him for all of the pain he's gone through. When Elizabeth suggests she talk to Dr. Denby sometime, William perks up and drags her away to meet his therapist. It doesn't take long to get there, though, because Dr. Denby is in William's closet. Decomposing. So that's why everything smells like dead psychiatrist. William begins speaking for Denby "as if the rotting corpse were some psychotic ventriloquist's dummy." Now, I get that this is a dramatic, suspenseful moment, but all I see in my head is William with his hand up the back of Dr. Denby's shirt, speaking out of the corner of his mouth with a squeaky voice. And that only makes me giggle. Maybe I'm just sick.
Elizabeth finally-finally-bolts for the door, and William runs after her. As she runs through the maze of corridors, he unplugs the light cords and plunges the entire place in darkness. He yells after her as he chases, explaining his plan to scar her face like his and then slit her throat before killing himself. She screams. Gee, Liz, if only you'd had some clue that this kind of thing might happen. Maybe a prior attempt on your life. Or two of them, even.
Finally, Elizabeth finds the revolving bookshelf she discovered earlier. And I bet you assumed that wouldn't be important. She finds the latch and swings back around, tripping on the gas pipe on her way out of the room. Wow, all of the stuff that was discussed at great length earlier in the book turned out to be significant! And yet it was all woven into the narrative so well, I barely noticed! The now-broken pipe begins leaking natural gas. William reaches the same bookshelf but can't find the latch in the dark. So he pulls out his cigarette lighter and this story turns into a Looney Tunes cartoon.
Tom approaches the library just as the basement explodes, setting the entire building on fire. Elizabeth makes her way through the smoke and fire to the exit and stumbles into Tom's arms. When he asks what caused the explosion, she answers "William," and Tom is like, "Bwah?" They apologize to each other and make up on the spot, spreading a nice coat of whitewash over all of their problems. I'm going to blame the smoke inhalation.
Later, Elizabeth gives her statement to Detective Kaydon, who says they had no idea William had escaped or that Dr. Denby had died. I'd be considering a lawsuit if I were Liz, but in her case Ned would probably handle the suit himself and screw it up completely. After the police leaves, Jessica bursts in and completely fails to notice anything is amiss. Jess raves about the awards ceremony, Liz and Tom laugh and kiss, and nobody bothers to check the library ruins for William's body. Does he return yet again in later SVU books? Or the Elizabeth series? If not, I'll bet anything he shows up in the Heights/Confidential books (if they ever get published). I'll also bet that Elizabeth falls for him all over again.
So that's the conclusion of the "Return of William White" arc. Or, as I call it, the "When Implausible Things Happen to Dumb People" arc.
This book concludes a two-part thriller edition story arc that began in CyberStalker: The Return of William White, Part I, and the title pretty much sums it up: William White returns and stalks Elizabeth in CyberLand. It's...about as silly as it sounds.
On the cover we see Elizabeth fleeing the giant half-head of William White. She's totally running like a girl. Yeah, I don't like the phrase either, but it's the only way I can describe it.
The book picks up where the last one left off as Elizabeth stares at William White, standing in shadow with his white rose. She says he's dead, he says he isn't (I think he's got the upper hand in this argument) and asks for her forgiveness. He claims he's been punished for his deeds and steps out of shadow to reveal that half of his face is scarred and disfigured. He doesn't break into song, though. Elizabeth actually feels guilty for ruining his face, because it happened when she crashed his car to keep him from driving them off a cliff. Yeah, Liz, you should have just let him kill you both. Forget sainthood; I think Elizabeth officially wants to be Jesus.
William cries and Elizabeth looks away in pity, but when she looks back he's disappeared. Elizabeth runs away, proving that her legs still work. Don't ask me why she didn't run away as soon as she recognized him. She did it about a million times in the last book.
Elsewhere, Tom wakes up on the quad after being knocked unconscious. As he stands up, he sees a low-hanging branch and assumes he smacked into it and knocked himself out when he was chasing after Elizabeth at the end of the previous book. Let's just stop and enjoy that image for a moment, shall we? Ahhh... Anyway, he realizes that explanation doesn't make sense, because he has a bump on the back of his head.
William White spends some time with his therapist, Dr. Denby. He complains that in spite of his efforts, including spending almost all of his remaining money on the CyberDreams fair, Elizabeth won't forgive him. Really, William? Even though you stalked her through three virtual reality dreams and then snuck up behind her and scared the crap out of her? Can't imagine how any girl could stay mad after that. "Only a saint could love someone as deformed and ugly as I am now," William moans. A saint? Liz, I think they're playing your song. The scene ends with William refusing to talk about what he calls "the ultimate level" of his plan. Well, I don't know about you, but I can't imagine how that could be anything but good news, right?
Jessica, meanwhile, is still fuming about Jonah and her virtual reality CyberDreams and how Jonah Falk had manipulated her. She's so angry, she doesn't even answer the phone when it rings. She must be really pissed off. The answering machine picks up and the caller turns out to be Charles Sampson, a film director she met when she almost starred in a feature film. (This happened in Jessica's Secret Diary, Volume III, where you can read all about Charles' perviness romantic feelings for Jessica.) She calls him back and he says something along the lines of, "I saw your picture in a calendar of bikini-wearing sorority girls this morning and, oh, by the way, would you be interested in coming with me to the Independent Movie Awards this Friday?" I'm sure he wants her company because of her stimulating conversation skills. How very smooth, Charles.
He turns on the charm full blast, though, when he adds that his first choice for a date couldn't make it. She's torn, because on the one hand Charles is being kind of an ass, but on the other hand this is Jessica Wakefield and she just can't turn down a night of glamour and photographers. Her pathological need to be the center of attention wins, and she agrees to go with him-after making him beg. Damn straight, Jess.
She's digging through her closet, trying to find something fancy enough to wear to an awards ceremony, when Elizabeth comes home and tells her about the William-sighting. Liz calls the police and talks to Detective Kaydon. She tells him that William White is still alive, and his response is basically, "Um, yeah. How'd you figure it out?" Sweet Valley police have clearly taken negligence to new heights. He rationalizes everything by saying they thought she'd feel better if she thought he was dead. (facepalm) Even better, he adds that William was released into the care of a psychiatrist-Dr. Denby-and cites overcrowded prisons and saving tax dollars. Yeah, they ought to release all of the homicidal maniacs from prison. Imagine the space and money they'd save! It's a solution with no drawbacks. Except for that whole crazy-people-running-around-loose thing. Kaydon insists that William is safely locked away, though, and when Elizabeth tells him she saw him on the SVU campus he dismisses it as "coed hysterics." Seriously, you'd think by now the Sweet Valley police would believe a Wakefield who's claiming a lunatic is trying to kill them. It happens every other book, after all.
But this is a Sweet Valley book, and the plot would fall apart if the police were, you know, competent. So no help for Elizabeth. She explains the situation to Jessica, who almost immediately suggests that maybe William is cured and Liz has nothing to worry about. Figures that the sociopath would side with the psycho. She also adds that "the cops would come on the double if there was any chance you were in danger." It's possible; there's a first time for everything. She lectures Elizabeth on giving people second chances and basically scoffs at her fears. Yeah, Liz. Sure, he tried to kill you twice, but he was unsuccessful. Doesn't that count for anything? Jess eventually loses interest and starts searching her closet again, "annoyed at her sister's self-absorption." That one snarks itself. I suppose she does have a point, though-by this point, psychotic killers are pretty much a routine thing for the twins. Another axe murderer? Get in line, buddy.
Tom shows up at that point and, being the perceptive and sensitive boyfriend he is, interprets Elizabeth's nervous look as too much blush and irritation at Jessica for cluttering the room with clothes. Is that what mortal terror looks like? Heavy makeup and annoyance? Interesting. He's very proud of himself for being so intuitive, by the way, so he can't understand why Elizabeth is shutting him out. They argue, and she leaves for the library to work on a new archiving project.
At the library, head librarian John Petrie shows Elizabeth through a newly-discovered network of passages in the library. Because every building in the world has secret passageways. In spite of her traumatic experience of about an hour ago, she spends some time silently mocking the librarian for being so serious. Shut up, Liz. He shows her a room full of file cabinets, where she will be cataloging records. He also warns her not to break a nearby natural gas pipe or unplug the light cords, because if one gets unplugged, the rest will go out as well. Surely neither of these two things, which are discussed for at least half a page each, will be important later.
Sitting in the WSVU studio, Tom sulks about how much Elizabeth has changed. He's interrupted by Julie Fiore, a new staff member, who is described throughout the course of one short scene as being "pudgy," with "chubby arms" and "ample hips." I get it, ghostwriter. She's no size six and therefore inconsequential. Can we get back to William White now? Tom tells Julie about his problems with Elizabeth, and she advises him to buy her flowers. He decides to give it a shot because "he'd tried everything else." Aside from having a rational conversation with her, but what could that possibly accomplish?
Later, Elizabeth goes back to the library to work on a research paper. As she looks for the books she needs in the basement, William shows up again. After a short round of "William, go away"/"Elizabeth, forgive me," she decides to give him a chance. God, she's dumb. When he tries to give her a white rose, though, she freaks out-at the flower, not him-and runs off again. She needs to prioritize her fears better. William=okay but rose=scary?
The next day, Elizabeth receives a humongous display of flowers from Tom. She thinks they look gaudy (and they probably do), and when Tom comes in shortly after he pouts because she doesn't immediately fawn all over him. She tried to feign more enthusiasm, but he picks another fight within about a minute of his arrival and storms out. Overreact much, Tom? He took her less-than-thrilled reaction so personally, it kind of makes me think he was compensating for something with the giant bouquet.
Jessica and Lila go shopping for a dress for the Independent Movie Awards, and I should mention that Lila is wearing capri pants and a sweater set, all in bubble-gum pink. Maybe it's just my total hatred of pink talking, but it sounds terrible. Lila is also tired of shopping and wants to go home. That settles it: Lila's been murdered and replaced by an insane doppelganger. There's no other explanation.
Jessica finds a dress and buys it, then drags Lila to the Diamond Galleria, staffed by a man with "one strand of hair swirled around and around the top of his pink, bald head."
Diamond Galleria jeweler =
Unfortunately, Jessica has no money left after buying the dress, so she can't afford anything there. Lila suggests she offer to borrow a necklace and wear it as free advertising, like lots of movie stars do, and then bails on her.
Meanwhile, Liz receives another bouquet of flowers-this time, wildflowers from William. The card asks her to meet him in the library basement at 2:00, and she feels the fact that he didn't threaten her in the note means he's really changed. It...really doesn't take much to impress her, does it? Jessica arrives to ask her to help her borrow a necklace from a jewelry store. Liz doubts that she'd succeed where Jessica has failed, but Jess counters with, "You must have an aura or something." Jessica has seen this book cover. When Jessica pleads, "You're my sister. My older sister," Elizabeth replies, "By four whole minutes." You know, I'm getting the feeling the ghostwriter is actually making fun of the books.
Liz actually holds out against Jessica's whining for almost five pages when someone knocks on the door. It's Tom, ready to make up. He sees the new flowers, though, and almost immediately turns into a jealous asshole. Wow, Tom, you lasted almost half a page before regressing back to a toddler. Elizabeth kicks him out and fumes until Jessica resumes her whining. It's Liz, so of course she caves and they go to the mall. Tom sees them go and gets even more pissed off, because apparently she's not allowed to leave her dorm without his permission. He assumes she's going on a date with another guy-because when I go on dates, I always bring my sister along-and decides to follow them. Damn, Liz's stalker count is really starting to climb!
At the library, William is trying hard not to be angry that Elizabeth stood him up. He finally calms down and whispers, "I forgive you for being afraid, for wanting me dead...even for crashing me into that tree." That's very big of you, William. I'm glad you don't hold a grudge against her for acting to save her own life.
At the mall, Jessica bluffs the owner of a fancy jewelry store into letting her borrow an expensive pearl necklace. I'm not sure just how nice the store is, though, considering it's in a mall and the owner wears a ring with a diamond as large as a piece of bubble gum. I'm not a fan of man-rings in general, but this one sounds beyond tacky. Anyway, Jessica signs some forms and leaves with her prize, but not before Elizabeth catches Tom following them through the mall and chews him out.
In another session, Dr. Denby gives William some stalking tips so he can fake an errand in order to run into Elizabeth on the quad. Oh, this is so not right. William finds the twins there after they return from the mall and they hold an awkward conversation. Jessica is much more freaked out by his scarred face than by his past attempts at murder. She warms to him after he flatters her shamelessly, and then shows him the necklace. Elizabeth begins to think William is better than Tom. I begin to think Elizabeth is three quarters short of a dollar.
Then William leaves and Jessica and Elizabeth discuss how much he's changed. Jessica asks if Liz is going to see him again, and she responds that she's not sure "because of...things." "Things" being all the times he tried to kill her and her friends. Jessica is still thrilled from all of William's compliments and claims she needs to relax and "forgive and forget," because a little flattery excuses all kinds of insanity and violence.
That night, William throws some pebbles at Elizabeth's window and asks to come up. Liz agrees because, and I quote, "He hadn't done anything wrong-lately." After all, he hasn't actively tried to kill her for, what, a month? Surely it's completely safe to be alone with him now. She makes tea while he wanders around the room, and then they nearly kiss. I'm really starting to think that Elizabeth is simply turned on by people who try to kill her. Maybe it's some sort of weird kink. She has a sudden flash of common sense, though, and pulls away. William leaves and Elizabeth feels conflicted.
Meanwhile, Tom, who clearly learned so much from Elizabeth yelling at him earlier, is sitting outside her dorm in his car so he can spy on her. He sees two silhouettes in the window, recognizes that one is male, and flies into another jealous rage. TOM SMASH! He runs up to her room, but William has already gone. Tom begins searching the room, fists ready, as soon as she lets him in. I think we missed the opportunity for a Tom Punch! They fight (yet again) and this time they break up. I'm choked up about it.
Jessica drags Lila to the dorm the next day to show her the necklace. However, when Jessica opens the case...wait for it...the necklace is missing! Oh noes! Jessica panics and drags Lila out to the quad to help her search for it. Or rather, to make sarcastic comments while Jessica searches. Lila Fowler doesn't do manual labor.
At the library, Elizabeth is cataloging and wondering why she isn't more upset about the break-up. I have a theory about that. Taking a break, she examines an old bookcase and pulls on a book, only to have the entire bookcase swing around and trap her in a bad-smelling secret room. Yeah, we're pretty much in an episode of Scooby Doo now. After a frantic search she finds a latch on the bookcase and swings back around. Elizabeth comes back home and a distraught Jessica explains the necklace situation. They decide to retrace their steps but don't find it, so Elizabeth comes up with the idea to ask Tom to broadcast an announcement about the necklace on WSVU. I'll take the Vegas odds on how that'll turn out.
Elsewhere, William confesses some mysterious deed to Dr. Denby, who reassures him all's fair in love and war. William is happy that Denby always tells him what he wants to hear. You know where this is going, right?
When Elizabeth asks Tom for help, he refuses and instead bitches her out. He does make one good point, though: "Jessica is always getting into some idiotic scheme, and you're always bailing her out. How is she ever going to grow up if you don't let her take responsibility once in a while?" Hells yeah. But other than that, he's a total asshole to her and she runs out. Damn, she does a lot of running in this book.
Elizabeth breaks the bad news to Jessica, but then decides to go to William for help. Good idea, Liz. Maybe he can stalk the necklace and kill all of its friends. That'll solve the problem. She finds him in the library basement and tells him about the necklace. He says he'll help them look again and if they can't find it, he'll loan them the money to replace it. They search the quad once again and William finally finds it under a shrub. Jessica is so happy, she gives him permission to hang out with Liz "for as long as she lives." Oh, the morbid jokes I could make out of that one. Why don't you go ahead and fill in your own?
Elizabeth briefly wonders how she could have missed the necklace, having searched that shrub earlier in the day, but blames it on her concern for Jessica. She agrees to go on a date with William that Friday night. You know how in horror movies the heroine will walk into a room where you know the bad guy is hiding, and you yell at her not to go in there but she goes in anyway? This is nothing like that, because at this point I think Elizabeth deserves what she gets for being a total moron.
On Friday, Jessica and Elizabeth prepare for their dates. You may be interested in knowing that Liz is, in fact, wearing the flowered dress pictured on the cover, and she and Jess futz around for about half a page adding the green sweater tied over her shoulders. The ghostwriter/artist partnership fails, however, because she wears her hair in a French braid even though it's loose in the picture. So close. Elizabeth admits to Jessica that she's a little nervous about William, but Jessica reassures her that "he's just a big old marshmallow." Yup, just a big old psycho killer marshmallow.
Tom calls at that point, and Jessica answers. She snipes at him, and he hangs up on her. He's pretty much useless in this book so far, isn't he?
Elizabeth meets William for their date, a picnic in the library. He shows her a secret entrance and tells her that because his grandfather designed the library, he knows all of the secret passages. He also talks about his dysfunctional family, which moves Liz to tears. I'm picturing the sad face/arm pat combo we've seen on so many SVH covers.
Meanwhile, Tom decides to find Elizabeth and try to talk their problems out. When no one answers the phone at the dorm room, he guesses that she might be at the library, cataloging. And off he goes, ready to do what he damn well should have done halfway through the last book.
William takes Elizabeth to explore the secret corridors and brings him to his home-a little room within the passageways lit by candles. Seriously, I think William should be singing about the music of the night or something by now. Elizabeth feels queasy because the room smells like death, but shakes it off and chats with William. Come on, Liz. When is the smell of death ever a good sign? Apparently to her it's an aphrodisiac, because soon she's making out with him.
After a few moments she pulls away and says they should slow down. William has a meltdown and tells her Dr. Denby said she owes him for all of the pain he's gone through. When Elizabeth suggests she talk to Dr. Denby sometime, William perks up and drags her away to meet his therapist. It doesn't take long to get there, though, because Dr. Denby is in William's closet. Decomposing. So that's why everything smells like dead psychiatrist. William begins speaking for Denby "as if the rotting corpse were some psychotic ventriloquist's dummy." Now, I get that this is a dramatic, suspenseful moment, but all I see in my head is William with his hand up the back of Dr. Denby's shirt, speaking out of the corner of his mouth with a squeaky voice. And that only makes me giggle. Maybe I'm just sick.
Elizabeth finally-finally-bolts for the door, and William runs after her. As she runs through the maze of corridors, he unplugs the light cords and plunges the entire place in darkness. He yells after her as he chases, explaining his plan to scar her face like his and then slit her throat before killing himself. She screams. Gee, Liz, if only you'd had some clue that this kind of thing might happen. Maybe a prior attempt on your life. Or two of them, even.
Finally, Elizabeth finds the revolving bookshelf she discovered earlier. And I bet you assumed that wouldn't be important. She finds the latch and swings back around, tripping on the gas pipe on her way out of the room. Wow, all of the stuff that was discussed at great length earlier in the book turned out to be significant! And yet it was all woven into the narrative so well, I barely noticed! The now-broken pipe begins leaking natural gas. William reaches the same bookshelf but can't find the latch in the dark. So he pulls out his cigarette lighter and this story turns into a Looney Tunes cartoon.
Tom approaches the library just as the basement explodes, setting the entire building on fire. Elizabeth makes her way through the smoke and fire to the exit and stumbles into Tom's arms. When he asks what caused the explosion, she answers "William," and Tom is like, "Bwah?" They apologize to each other and make up on the spot, spreading a nice coat of whitewash over all of their problems. I'm going to blame the smoke inhalation.
Later, Elizabeth gives her statement to Detective Kaydon, who says they had no idea William had escaped or that Dr. Denby had died. I'd be considering a lawsuit if I were Liz, but in her case Ned would probably handle the suit himself and screw it up completely. After the police leaves, Jessica bursts in and completely fails to notice anything is amiss. Jess raves about the awards ceremony, Liz and Tom laugh and kiss, and nobody bothers to check the library ruins for William's body. Does he return yet again in later SVU books? Or the Elizabeth series? If not, I'll bet anything he shows up in the Heights/Confidential books (if they ever get published). I'll also bet that Elizabeth falls for him all over again.
So that's the conclusion of the "Return of William White" arc. Or, as I call it, the "When Implausible Things Happen to Dumb People" arc.