Elizabeth's Secret Diary, Volume 1
I found this diary to be a little more interesting than Jessica’ probably because I’m less familiar with the storylines. It does have the same flaws as Jessica’s diary, the plot is jumpy and disconnected. Also, when the kidnappings, near rapes and other shocking events are stretched between 15 books it seems a tiny bit more realistic. When crammed into one diary, it seems totally bizarre. It remains of one of my mystery novels peeves, all of the characters talk about how quiet, boring and peaceful their town is until the inevitable horrible and disturbing ritual killings begin.
Also of note, Liz pretty much comes off like a huge bitch in this book. She is a crappy friend and a crappy sister. At every possible opportunity she puts down Jessica and bitches about her selfish asshole behavior. She does give Jess a lot of backhanded compliments, like saying that she was amazed that Jessica could accomplish anything. Liz, you have to realize that you enable a lot of Jess’ shitty behavior. Either have a come to Jesus talk with Jess and tell her that you are no longer taking her crap and she is now dead to you or realize that Jess is a soulless sociopath and learn to accept it. Going along with Jess’ evil schemes and complaining about it in your diary just makes you a passive aggressive bitch.
I couldn’t find a picture of the cover, which I’m secretly glad about it. The model looks like she is going to suck out my soul. Plus she is wearing dark red lipstick which Liz would have never worn.
I’m going to again follow the structure of the book and break the recap down in sections.
Prologue
So Liz and Todd are making out in his bedroom (Liz you slut) and getting all hot and heavy as usual. But a phone call interrupts them and while Todd is chatting away, Liz finds a rather smurfy letter written to Todd from a girl named Michelle who lives in Vermont. The girl begins the letter calling Todd “cute buns”. Ewwwwww. And its cutsy and pukey and Liz is pissed. She and Todd have a huge fight and she storms off. Jess drags her out to the beach disco and before long, Liz is making out on the beach with her old bf, Jeffery, who, of course has never gotten over her. Good thing that she is so sure that Todd is a big old cheater, so it is perfectly ok for her to kiss someone else. Liz is all confused and decides to read her journal to decide which boy is right for her.
Part 1
Everybody is at the school talent show and Liz is surprised when Todd reads one of her favorite poems, Remember, by Cristina Rossetti. The poem seems a little overly sad to me when we found out that Todd is merely moving to Vermont and not dying. And of course, Todd has to move now. The next ten or so pages consists of Liz crying and whining and declaring her eternal love to Todd. She and Todd decide that they would try to have a long distance relationship. Todd’s barely gone a week when Nicholas Morrow starts trying to take his place. I’m not sure what is more annoying, Jess’ belief that every guy wants her or Liz’s faux naivety and refusal to believe that a guy is interested even if he is practically chasing her naked. Liz pretends that she can just be friends with Nicholas but ends up kissing him and being racked with guilt. But then Todd stops calling and writing her so she decides that means they are broken up and she can do what she wants. (Bad friend alert, while hanging out with Nicholas, Liz admits that she totally ignores Enid. Poor Enid, isn’t Liz her only friend?) After leading him on for a while, she decides that she needs to be faithful to Todd. She is going to break it to him gently but then think she sees Todd at a dance and freaks. Poor Nicholas is hurt that Liz is pretty much using him. Jess confesses that she told Todd to back off so Liz will get over him. Instead of beating Jess up for being a meddling pain in the ass, she looks for Todd and when they find each other, they collapse into a big weepy mess. They pretty much decide that they can fuck around with other people but also still have a relationship with each other if no one better is around. Sounds healthy and conflict free to me. Weird foreshadowing to Jessica’s diary, Todd also climbs into Liz’s window late at night. Is their dog deaf?
Part 2
Liz starts this chapter whining because Todd is actually making friends and doing stuff in Vermont instead of pining away for her. The nerve. Of course, Liz is a great big old hypocrite because she’s got the hots for a new boy that looks just like Todd. Liz tries to pretend she is dating Todd again but the new guy turns out to be a douche so Liz is alone again.
Liz and Jess are also nosy pains in the asses about Steven. I’m not sure how long it is supposed to be since Tricia’s death but it can’t be more than a few months. But Liz and Jess decide that it is totally unhealthy that Steve like cries and stuff about his dead girlfriend. I guess that is because they snap back so quickly from their own bf’s deaths. So they decide to set Steve up with Cara but the date doesn’t work out to well. Cara chooses the restaurant that Steve and Tricia had their last date in and the band plays their favorite song. Poor Steven is wreck. Liz decides that Tricia’s sister, Betsy, is holding Steven back from recovering, so Liz actually goes to Betsy’ s house to tell her to stop letting Steven grieve with her. Instead of punching her in the mouth, Betsy agrees and writes Steven a letter telling him to move on.
Part 3
The Wakefield grandparents are visiting. This is boring except that Mom Wakefield is totally jealous that her daughters are spending time with their grandparents that they hardly see and pouts all week. Of course, she doesn’t tell anyone why she is upset. I guess this is why the twins are selfish and have such lousy communication skills.
We also see Liz be a nosy butinsky in this chapter. Emily, drummer from the Droids, has an evil bitch step mother who wants to send her to boarding school. Things get worse and worse for poor Emily, culminating with her father accusing her of trying to hurt her baby half sister. Of course, Liz fixes everything and all is forgiven. Myself, if my dad accused me of attempted murder, I’d never speak to him again.
Part 4
This covers Regina being taken hostage. This book has already been recapped, so I’ll won’t write about it. Suffice to say, that these kids are dumb asses and I’m pretty sure that cops are used to kidnappers not wanting the cops involved and know how to be discreet. Also, the stress causing Liz and Nicholas to make out again.
Part 5
We finally start getting to the main scandal of the book, Liz and Ken’s secret affair. This chapter sets up a relationship. Poor Ken is stressed because he is a moron who can’t write a story for English and might miss out on playing in the big game for Community Day. Liz tries to help and he rewards her by stealing her story. It is so good, of course, that they decide to publish it in the school paper. Liz feels trapped, she’s pissed but doesn’t want to rat Ken out. Ken decides to confess in a story that is magically exactly the same length as Liz’s so it can replace her’s in the paper. Everyone is so impressed by Ken’s story that no one cares that he is a big cheater and he wins the game. He also breaks up with his snotty girl friend. Both Ken and Liz participate in kissing booths. Doesn’t that seem kind of gross to anyone? And even in my most dire, I want a boyfriend high school moments, I wouldn’t have wanted to pay to kiss my crush. Jess totally screw up by forgetting to confirm the caters and makes about a billion PBJs. No one is mad at her because Bruce spins it as a way to save more money for the town charity.
Part 6
Another gag worthy Liz is such a great person solving everyone’s problems story in this chapter. Lynne Henry is shy and ugly with big glasses. But Liz discovers that Lynne is a great singer/songwriter after she enters a song for the Droid’s contest. Lynne is still shy so she doesn’t want anyone to know. But she starts becoming more confident and wears contacts so now she is hot. Liz also discovers that she has a crush on Guy from the Droids and Guy is in love with whoever wrote the song, because it speaks to him. Gag me. Here is a dated reference, Lynne won’t let Liz matchmaker because she thinks that Guy wants someone who looks like a young Linda Ronstadt. Now this book was published in 1994. I really doubt most readers would know how the hell Linda Ronstadt is, I do because my parent’s like her. So Liz accidentally slips the beans that Lynne like Guy and is the secret singer. So Guy announces it everyone and instead of being upset that her secret is out, Lynne is happy. Now everyone loves her and she’s got a boyfriend. Even though, Liz and Lynne have become close, we never hear about her again but I’m sure she’s fine.
Part 7
Liz’s old friend, Amy Sutton, moves back to town. Liz goes into immediate bad friend mode, dumping Enid to hang out with Amy. Liz is a huge hypocrite in this chapter, whining that Amy keeps no showing her only to do the same to Enid. Also she complains that Amy is shallow because she wants to join the school sorority but, Liz is also a member, so who is she to bitch. Both Enid and Amy end up not liking Liz but Liz makes up with them in the end. So Enid and Liz are BFF again and Liz is decides that Amy is shallow slut who would be a better friend to Jess.
Part 8
Boring chapter, Steven decides he wants to drop out of college to work on a cruise ship. Liz and Jess decide to use reverse psychology and convince him that they think this a great idea. Steven is stupid and ends up changing his mind. So boring.
Also Ken and Liz start developing feelings for each other and are all conflicted and stuff.
Part 9
Liz and Ken’s secret affair flames out quickly. Too much guilt and hidden making out, so they stop.
However, hunky Jeffery French moves into town. Liz decides that she is going to hook him up with Enid, partly because Lila wants him. Liz pretty much humiliates herself and Enid and Jeffery thinks she is crazy because Liz keeps throwing Enid at him even though he makes it fairly obvious he wants Liz. Then Liz realizes that she wants him too. Lucky for her, Enid decides she doesn’t want Jeffery any more so it totally fine for Liz to make her move. And also luckily Jeffery doesn’t still think that Liz is bats hit crazy so they can’t start their perfect relationship though Liz knows in her hurt that it won’t be as perfect as her and Todd.
Epilogue
Liz and Todd get back together and reaffirm that their luv is the Most. Perfect. Ever. Of course, Liz doesn’t confess that she spent the night making out with Jeffery and we don’t hear how she tells Jeffery that she was just using him and too bad if he thought they were getting back together. Oopsie. Just can’t trust Liz when she is feeling vulnerable around a hot guy. So Todd didn’t cheat and Liz does but Todd is one that apologizes. That is one healthy relationship.