Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for the Gold
Team Sweet Valley #1: Jessica Goes for the Gold
Because I'm a big dork, I made a list of every Sweet Valley book ever written, and then noted if it had been recapped here or not. This was the only series (even though there's only two books) that had no recaps. That made me sad. So I quickly went and purchased this one on ebay. I'm very excited about it. I was a gymnast when I was little. (Although I had an irrational fear of flipping over backwards, so I was never any good-except at the balance beam when all I had to do was kick and leap.)
The back of the book tells us that “Jessica's always known she's a super athlete.” (What?!?) “And now that she's earned a place on the school's gymnastics team, she's ready to prove her acrobatic skills to the whole state.” (What?!? She's on the team for the first year and she's already going to States? That's ridiculous. People do gymnastics for years and years and never get to go to a State Championship, like, say, me.) Then it also tells us that there's a mean girl named Dawn trying to sabotage Jessica. “Jessica wanted a fair competition,” it says, to which I call shenanigans. Jessica never wants a fair competition. Not my sociopathic Jessica. I haven't even started this book and it already makes no sense. Awesome!
The copyright year tells me this book came out in 1996. Just in time for the 1996 Atlanta Olympics where we first got to hear the dulcet tones of Kerri Strug's voice. Is it wrong of me to hope that Jessica hits her head on the beam or something?
Coincidentally, there is an article in Salon today about what being an elite gymnast is really like. Go read it then come back here and compare real world to Sweet Valley world.
Elizabeth has called a special meeting of the Sixers. (They're still in 6th grade for the fifteenth year.) Her best friend is still Amy Sutton. Gossip Caroline is trying to start a rumor that Amy is off with Ken Matthews. Liz loudly announces that Amy is at gymnastics practice. In case the reader, like me, had no idea that Amy even did gymnastics. Anyway, the “special” meeting is about the upcoming California Games, which middle schools apparently compete in. Liz has invited Todd and Aaron Dallas to help the Sixers cover all the sports stories. Smart move not inviting John (boo!), Liz.
Aaron Dallas is on the soccer team, which we know already so I let that go. Apparently Liz and Maria are big stars of the volleyball team. I can shenanigans on that. Meanwhile, Jessica is on the gymnastics team. Son of shenanigans! Apparently she is the gymnastics team. The ghostwriter tells us, “Her experience on the Boosters [...] and ballet lessons had really paid off.” What crap. Everyone knows gymnastics and cheerleading aren't the same. Just ask Missy Pantone.
Liz and Left Behind!Sarah talk about Jessica's gymnastics in a really awkward way. Sarah says she saw Jessica do a move on the “uneven parallel bars” (known as the uneven bars or asymmetric bars to everyone else) the other day, and Liz tells her the technical term for it. In the background, the ghostwriter is shouting at you that she did some cursory research on this subject.
Lila and Jessica tell Janet they can't make the next few Unicorn Club meetings, since they're both on the gymnastics team. Janet says it's okay because when they bring home the gold and silver, it will made the Unicorns look good. Jessica snottily thinks Lila isn't good enough to win a medal. Shenanigans. We all know Lila can do anything.
Meanwhile, the boy's gymnastics team coach is looking for another team member. A boy named Donald tries out, but gets rejected. Tom McKay (of all people) mocks him and says he should try for the girl's team. Bruce laughs. Wait. Hold on a second. Is Bruce on the boy's gymnastics team? I HAVE TO KNOW! Because I have a hard time anyone ever let him live that down. Male gymnasts, well, they get mocked, okay? Mocked.
Anyway, Donald stomps off in a huff. He thinks it's only because he's no good on the rings event that he didn't make the team. Then he watches Jessica practice and realize the girls don't have to compete on the rings. Maybe he will join the girl's team! Let's just all sit and think about this a minute. This isn't like the Booster Boycott (PS, why isn't Winston on the boy's team?) there are male events and female events. Unless Donald can turn himself female, I don't see how this will work.
Amy Sutton practices her vault. She doesn't perform it properly. Jessica snottily tells her she could show her how to do it correctly. Jessica thinks, since she is suddenly a fabulous gymnast for this book, to “help” everyone else. Donald says he can do that vault. I'm sure. Then he argues to be let on the girl's team. In a rare moment of reality, the coach says no. But then offers to let him be a helper for the team and chalk the bars, etc. Donald is psyched, apparently not realizing this is even more embarrassing. I've seen The Water Boy and know this isn't a highly coveted spot on any team.
The team has a meet. Jessica's first event is the “uneven parallel bars.” Because she is suddenly and inexplicably fabulous at gymnastics, she scores a 9.7. Donald asks Jessica to teach him this routine to impress the boy's team coach. At this point we learn that Donald doesn't even know that boys don't compete on the uneven bars. Wow, I can't believe the male coach passed over this diamond in the rough. It's like he showed up for a baseball tryout out and was all, “Oh I have to field the ball too?” Lila makes fun of him. Lila is getting her “mean girl” characterization in this book but in this case, I feel it's justified.
Then a girl named Dawn Maven gets up to perform for the other school, Weston. The girls tell Jessica that Dawn is “Weston's Jessica Wakefield.” I find it highly improbable that a Jessica Wakefield could exist outside Sweet Valley. How many dead boyfriends does she have? I want references. Dawn receives a 9.4 on the “uneven parallel bars” (I guess there is only one event at this meet). Jessica is relieved that she is still queen bee and also, this means that Sweet Valley is going to the California games! Hurrah!
Jessica wins first place. Dawn gets second (the judge gives her a “red ribbon,” I wonder if this is actually a horse show) and another girl from Weston gets the bronze. Dawn refuses to shake Jessica's hand. But Jessica is more miffed that the judge awarding prizes just says, “Good job” to her instead of, “That was the most amazing performance I've ever seen.” Whatever. She's lucky the judge didn't say, “I trained for years hoping to go to the Olympics but, instead, now I have to watch bitchy little girls perform middle school gymnastics. I'm going to shoot myself in the parking lot.”
On Monday, the school holds a special assembly to honor Jessica. Sweet Valley is weird. When a girl won something at my school, they'd maybe mention it during morning announcements like, “This weekend Jennifer Wakemeld won something at a diving competition. Today's hot lunch is mystery meat!” Then if she was extra lucky they would get a banner made for the gymnasium but it would be hung sometime after she started college.
At the assembly, Mr. Clark talks about how they have sent soccer teams and basketball teams to the California games before, but never a gymnastics team. Probably because they never had a gymnastics team before this book. After the assembly, Liz asks Jessica what time she will be home and Jessica reminds her that tonight she has another meet against Weston. That makes no sense at all. They just had one a couple days ago.
This time the meet is in Weston's gym. I find it hard to believe that these schools have all this expensive gymnastics equipment. Of course, my school didn't have a gymnastics team. The meets would be against another gymnastics gyms. Oh, and get this, there's another meet on Thursday. These girls are going to injure themselves doing this many competitions. That could be fun for me though.
We get a Dawn POV. Dawn stares at Jessica with her long blond hair and all her friends and thinks that she has it all. But Dawn will “fix her.” I sense a budding psycho Margo in Dawn and I want to bring it out. Dawn complains her ankle is bothering her and goes into the locker room and puts an Ace bandage on it. Sneakily, she also puts baby oil inside the bandage and thinks to herself that Jessica won't get a 9.7 today.
Dawn goes first on the uneven bars and scores a 9.5. She smiles “menacingly” at Jessica after it's over. Then it's Jessica's turn. Her hands feel “slippery” on the bars and she ends up nearly falling and hitting her head. (I was rooting for more injury, I confess.) I'm a little confused as to how Dawn got the baby oil from her ankle onto the bars enough to screw up Jessica's routine. You don't usually rub your ankle against the bars. That would've been suspicious. In fact, your feet don't usually touch the bars, unless you're doing a move where you stand on the lower bar and jump to the upper one. But even then, it'd just be for a second, and the oil would only be on one bar. (Later, it is explained the after Dawn was done, she rubbed her ankle and then rubbed the bars, which I don't think would be allowed. I guess I need to stop thinking about this.)
Anyway, Jessica looks at her had grips and realizes there is oil on them. At this point she should immediately go to the judges and tell them what Dawn did. But when Jessica tells her coach, the coach says they can't go to the judges because they'd be disqualified for being unsportsmanlike! What a load of crap! How is unsportsmanlike to not want to fall off the bars and hurt yourself? Other girls have to go after her! But no one tells the judges and I can only assume all the unnamed girls who compete after Jessica, fall and break their necks. Jessica vows revenge.
Jessica goes home and schemes. Scheming Jessica is my favorite Jessica. She talks to Steven and he says in basketball sometimes people put sugar on other people's hands and it makes them sticky so they can't hold the ball. I don't know how you would actually accomplish this. I call shenanigans again. Anyway, Jessica decides to put sugar in the chalk tray, so Dawn's hands will be sticky when she competes on the uneven bars-on her one event.
Donald tries to learn to do walkovers. He sucks. Jessica convinces him to try out the uneven bars so she can figure out how much sugar she needs to add to the chalk to make it sticky. He falls. I laugh. I'm mean. Deal with it.
At the next meet, Jessica scores a 9.5 on bars. Then she “accidentally” knocks over the chalk tray and has to refill it for Dawn. Convenient that no one else ever seems to compete on this event. As predicted, Dawn falls off the bars and actually hurts her leg. Sociopathic Jessica is pleased with herself.
Jessica starts practicing a new dismount for the California Games. Her coach doesn't think it's a good idea to insert a new skill into her routine, which is true. But there's still something off about this coach. She hasn't told them they're fat or their body is all wrong once. (Random anecdote, when I was a child my first gymnastics instructor told me I'd never be any good because my back was the wrong shape and then I spent ridiculous amounts of time in the mirror trying to make my back curvier. I considered scoliosis.)
After practice, Jessica sees some young kids and they tell her she's definitely going win the California Games now that Dawn is out. Jessica is all, “What are you talking about?” Apparently Dawn was actually hurt when she fell. Jessica doesn't believe the kids. I mean, it's not like you can hurt yourself on the uneven bars.
At dinner, the Wakefield parents look for the sugar and can't find any. Ned says he just bought two bags. What the hell do they need two bags of sugar for, is what I want to know? Jessica shifts uncomfortably and Steven gives her that “I know what you did” look. That night, Jessica has a nightmare about Dawn, which I also say is shenanigans. The Jessica I know would sleep pretty knowing Dawn was out.
Liz is writing her English essay on the phrase “an eye for an eye.” Jessica says if Liz poked out her eye, she'd have a right to poke out Liz's eye. I say we try it! Fun for all of this community! Saint Liz doesn't agree and lectures Jessica about walking away. Whatever. Can someone please explain to me what “eye for an eye” has to do with English (besides that it's in English)?
Jessica gives herself a fake name (“Elizabeth Fowler”--she wishes she were a Fowler!) and goes to ask the Weston coach if Dawn is okay. The coach is like, “Ho-hum, gymnasts get hurt all the time.” He gives Jessica Dawn's number so she can call herself. Should he just be giving out his girls' numbers to potential stalkers like that?
Jess phones Dawn, again giving the fake name. Dawn is pretty much hysterical. She says she was in the emergency room for hours (wouldn't Jessica have known about that? Did they rush her to the hospital afterwards or wait until she might make it worse by continuing to compete?). When Jessica asks if there is anything she can do, Dawn dramatically cries, “There's nothing you can do! There's nothing anyone can do!” And the Oscar goes to...
Then Jessica makes Dawn a care package and brings it over to her on her bike. Dawn lives in *gasp* a poor neighborhood and the pain is peeling on her house. Oh noes! Not the paint! Jess was hoping to just leave it on the doorstep, but Dawn is outside when she arrives. Dawn screams at her for ruining her routine and Jessica shoots back that Dawn started it. Then Jessica peddles about angrily on her bike, an image I find hilarious. You can't ever really be cool on a bike.
At practice, Jessica is suddenly afraid of getting hurt herself. Dawn's coaches words, that gymnasts get hurt all the time, keep going through her head. Jessica is unable to perform her uneven bars routine. I'm actually relieved by this turn of events. When Jessica was acting nicely toward Dawn it creeped me out, but now that she's managed to make it all about herself again, I feel that all is right with the world.
Liz tries to talk to Jessica. She says she “understands” why Jess is upset-she thinks Jess doesn't want to compete at the California Games and win, never knowing if she'd have won if Dawn didn't get hurt. (The old, “I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them” philosophy. Liz should know that Jessica isn't a Torrance; she's a Big Red.)
At yet another practice, Donald tries to do something on the beam and crashes into Lila. Lila shrugs it off and goes to work on her next routine. Jessica watches Lila with awe, thinking that's what she has to do-not worry about being hurt. Jessica realizes to this, for some reason, she has to help Dawn compete. Apparently, Jessica won't be able to perform until Dawn can too.
I don't understand this plot.
Jessica goes to Weston Middle School. They have metal detectors at their school. This is apparently scary. But I think SV should consider them with all the psychos with bombs and knifes running around. She finds Dawn in the gym, she's not practicing with the rest of the team. Dawn's all, “Go away, I don't know why you'd want to help me. This plot makes no sense.” And Jessica is all, “I know, I know, but just go with it so we can get out of here.” So Dawn relents and the two begin working together.
Dawn and Jessica practice at Weston's gym together. Jessica keeps giving Dawn “tips” and Dawn gets annoyed, as you would if you had a backseat gymnast following you around. They snipe back and forth. Jessica asks Dawn if she's ever afraid on the bars. Dawn loudly exclaims that she's not. Her coach says that fear is a gymnasts worst enemy (this is true; it's why I was never a good gymnast-I'm a big ball of fear) and whenever a gymnast falls in the Weston gym, they have to get up and do it again immediately. So I guess Jessica's coach sucks; because she's letting Jessica not practice the bar routine.
Dawn thinks that she's not afraid of falling, she's a afraid of failing. Oh, ghostwriter, you are so deep. I'll write that one down in my diary.
Ronald annoys Lila at another practice. Do these kids go to school ever? Or just do gymnastics? Donald actually performs a simple vault and is pleased with himself. As he's running to the horse, he imagines “Chariots of Fire” playing in his head and makes me spit out my Pepsi laughing. Oh, book, you are so in touch with 90's youth culture.
Then Donald goes over to Jessica on the beam and tells her she should practice on the uneven bars. Apparently since he was brave enough to finally do his vault, she should prove to herself she can do the bar routine. This is a weak metaphor even for Sweet Valley.
So Jessica is forced to do her routine and she does it without falling. The whole team cheers for her and the coach-wait for it-says they should celebrate and offers to take the whole team out for pizza. Okay, lady, I don't know who you are, but you are not a gymnastics coach. Taking the kids out for pizza less than a week before the California Games. But I guess in Sweet Valley world, eating pizza and Dairi Burger and ice cream every day is the way you stay a perfect size sixfour.
Jessica goes with them for pizza even though she was supposed to meet Dawn.
The next day, Dawn is pissed Jessica didn't show up the day before, as you would be if someone said they'd meet you and then didn't. I know this is before cell phones but it's not before phones. At least call the school and let her know, geez. Dawn does her bar routine and nearly falls. Jessica runs over to break her fall and they both end up in a heap.
It just occurred to me that someone is allowing this girl to stay after and practice a dangerous sport unsupervised. What if she broke her neck? Where's the coach? Where are the parents? This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Naturally, Jessica and Dawn love each other now.
At SVM practice, Lila and Jessica get into a random fight where they throw chalk at each other. The coach yells at them for being foolish. I think it's only natural to blow off some steam with a good chalk fight the day before a big meet. The coach tells Jessica she'll have to stay after, but Jessica says she can't (because she has to meet Dawn). She worries she's spending so much time helping Dawn, that now she won't get in enough practice for herself.
At Weston, Dawn freaks out about not doing a move in her routine perfectly. Jessica is like, “Chill out, there's more to life than gymnastics, like parties and boys and ice cream...” Dawn says all she has is gymnastics. She notices the chalk on Jessica and asks about it; Jess explains about the chalk fight. Dawn thinks Jess must hate Lila. Jess says no we're best friends.
Then we the the “big reveal.” Dawn doesn't have any friends. No! With that winning personality? I can't imagine!
Jessica gets on the bars and demonstrates how to do the move for Dawn. But when she dismounts, she lands awkwardly, and injures her ankle. Afterward, Dawn is able to perform the move, but Jessica can barely walk. When she gets home, it still hurts. In the thought process she pronounces it sprained. When did Jessica become a medical doctor? Before or after she became a world-class gymnast?
The girls ride on a bus to Los Angeles, where the California games are held. Liz wears a “white cap with black letters that said PRESS.” You guys, Liz is so lame; there just aren't words for it. You know she made that shit herself because she wants to be like reporters she's seen in old movies.
The girls warm up. Jessica thinks she can get through her bar routine with her bad ankle until she realizes-oh no-she actually has to land her new dismount! Jessica's a bit slow. She goes through the whole routine perfectly, and then falls to her knees on the dismount. Somehow she still gets a 9.4. I call shenanigans again.
Dawn, on the other hand, does perfectly on her routine. Jessica cheers for her when she completes the move she had trouble with. And then when it's over, she runs out and gives Dawn a hug. Jessica's coach cries out, and Jessica turns around to see the whole team staring at her. She thinks they think she's a traitor. But in reality, they have just seen how swollen her ankle is and are freaked out. The whole team rushes over to her and help her back to the bench.
Dawn's teammate give her high fives for putting up the best score. But she thinks that they're not really her friends, the way Jessica's friends care about her when she's hurt. They only like her when she does well.
Somehow, Jessica manages to win a silver on the bars even though she fell. Shenanigans. She has her foot propped up. But she manages to walk to the podium. She should've made her coach carry her like Kerri Strug! What's the point of injuring yourself in the course of gymnastics if you don't get carried everywhere? Dawn wins gold, and Jessica decides she is not sad because-since she helped Dawn-the gold is “half hers.” Whatever.
They also give out a “Most Promising Gymnast” award for the girl who had the highest scores on every apparatus. (Isn't that just called the all around?) Dawn wins that too. When Dawn accepts her award, she gives an acceptance speech (shenanigans; this isn't the Oscars) and says she couldn't have done it without her friend Jessica Wakefield. Everyone applauds for Jessica.
Dawn apologizes to Jessica for putting baby oil on the bars. Jessica apologizes for putting sugar in the chalk. They hug. Happy schmappy. Dawn asks if they'll ever see each other again and Jessica assures her they will compete against each other all the time next season. I don't need to tell you this is lies and Dawn Maven is never heard from again, do I?
Next up! The second (and final) book in the Team Sweet Valley series: I can't imagine why this series didn't catch on.
Because I'm a big dork, I made a list of every Sweet Valley book ever written, and then noted if it had been recapped here or not. This was the only series (even though there's only two books) that had no recaps. That made me sad. So I quickly went and purchased this one on ebay. I'm very excited about it. I was a gymnast when I was little. (Although I had an irrational fear of flipping over backwards, so I was never any good-except at the balance beam when all I had to do was kick and leap.)
The back of the book tells us that “Jessica's always known she's a super athlete.” (What?!?) “And now that she's earned a place on the school's gymnastics team, she's ready to prove her acrobatic skills to the whole state.” (What?!? She's on the team for the first year and she's already going to States? That's ridiculous. People do gymnastics for years and years and never get to go to a State Championship, like, say, me.) Then it also tells us that there's a mean girl named Dawn trying to sabotage Jessica. “Jessica wanted a fair competition,” it says, to which I call shenanigans. Jessica never wants a fair competition. Not my sociopathic Jessica. I haven't even started this book and it already makes no sense. Awesome!
The copyright year tells me this book came out in 1996. Just in time for the 1996 Atlanta Olympics where we first got to hear the dulcet tones of Kerri Strug's voice. Is it wrong of me to hope that Jessica hits her head on the beam or something?
Coincidentally, there is an article in Salon today about what being an elite gymnast is really like. Go read it then come back here and compare real world to Sweet Valley world.
Elizabeth has called a special meeting of the Sixers. (They're still in 6th grade for the fifteenth year.) Her best friend is still Amy Sutton. Gossip Caroline is trying to start a rumor that Amy is off with Ken Matthews. Liz loudly announces that Amy is at gymnastics practice. In case the reader, like me, had no idea that Amy even did gymnastics. Anyway, the “special” meeting is about the upcoming California Games, which middle schools apparently compete in. Liz has invited Todd and Aaron Dallas to help the Sixers cover all the sports stories. Smart move not inviting John (boo!), Liz.
Aaron Dallas is on the soccer team, which we know already so I let that go. Apparently Liz and Maria are big stars of the volleyball team. I can shenanigans on that. Meanwhile, Jessica is on the gymnastics team. Son of shenanigans! Apparently she is the gymnastics team. The ghostwriter tells us, “Her experience on the Boosters [...] and ballet lessons had really paid off.” What crap. Everyone knows gymnastics and cheerleading aren't the same. Just ask Missy Pantone.
Liz and Left Behind!Sarah talk about Jessica's gymnastics in a really awkward way. Sarah says she saw Jessica do a move on the “uneven parallel bars” (known as the uneven bars or asymmetric bars to everyone else) the other day, and Liz tells her the technical term for it. In the background, the ghostwriter is shouting at you that she did some cursory research on this subject.
Lila and Jessica tell Janet they can't make the next few Unicorn Club meetings, since they're both on the gymnastics team. Janet says it's okay because when they bring home the gold and silver, it will made the Unicorns look good. Jessica snottily thinks Lila isn't good enough to win a medal. Shenanigans. We all know Lila can do anything.
Meanwhile, the boy's gymnastics team coach is looking for another team member. A boy named Donald tries out, but gets rejected. Tom McKay (of all people) mocks him and says he should try for the girl's team. Bruce laughs. Wait. Hold on a second. Is Bruce on the boy's gymnastics team? I HAVE TO KNOW! Because I have a hard time anyone ever let him live that down. Male gymnasts, well, they get mocked, okay? Mocked.
Anyway, Donald stomps off in a huff. He thinks it's only because he's no good on the rings event that he didn't make the team. Then he watches Jessica practice and realize the girls don't have to compete on the rings. Maybe he will join the girl's team! Let's just all sit and think about this a minute. This isn't like the Booster Boycott (PS, why isn't Winston on the boy's team?) there are male events and female events. Unless Donald can turn himself female, I don't see how this will work.
Amy Sutton practices her vault. She doesn't perform it properly. Jessica snottily tells her she could show her how to do it correctly. Jessica thinks, since she is suddenly a fabulous gymnast for this book, to “help” everyone else. Donald says he can do that vault. I'm sure. Then he argues to be let on the girl's team. In a rare moment of reality, the coach says no. But then offers to let him be a helper for the team and chalk the bars, etc. Donald is psyched, apparently not realizing this is even more embarrassing. I've seen The Water Boy and know this isn't a highly coveted spot on any team.
The team has a meet. Jessica's first event is the “uneven parallel bars.” Because she is suddenly and inexplicably fabulous at gymnastics, she scores a 9.7. Donald asks Jessica to teach him this routine to impress the boy's team coach. At this point we learn that Donald doesn't even know that boys don't compete on the uneven bars. Wow, I can't believe the male coach passed over this diamond in the rough. It's like he showed up for a baseball tryout out and was all, “Oh I have to field the ball too?” Lila makes fun of him. Lila is getting her “mean girl” characterization in this book but in this case, I feel it's justified.
Then a girl named Dawn Maven gets up to perform for the other school, Weston. The girls tell Jessica that Dawn is “Weston's Jessica Wakefield.” I find it highly improbable that a Jessica Wakefield could exist outside Sweet Valley. How many dead boyfriends does she have? I want references. Dawn receives a 9.4 on the “uneven parallel bars” (I guess there is only one event at this meet). Jessica is relieved that she is still queen bee and also, this means that Sweet Valley is going to the California games! Hurrah!
Jessica wins first place. Dawn gets second (the judge gives her a “red ribbon,” I wonder if this is actually a horse show) and another girl from Weston gets the bronze. Dawn refuses to shake Jessica's hand. But Jessica is more miffed that the judge awarding prizes just says, “Good job” to her instead of, “That was the most amazing performance I've ever seen.” Whatever. She's lucky the judge didn't say, “I trained for years hoping to go to the Olympics but, instead, now I have to watch bitchy little girls perform middle school gymnastics. I'm going to shoot myself in the parking lot.”
On Monday, the school holds a special assembly to honor Jessica. Sweet Valley is weird. When a girl won something at my school, they'd maybe mention it during morning announcements like, “This weekend Jennifer Wakemeld won something at a diving competition. Today's hot lunch is mystery meat!” Then if she was extra lucky they would get a banner made for the gymnasium but it would be hung sometime after she started college.
At the assembly, Mr. Clark talks about how they have sent soccer teams and basketball teams to the California games before, but never a gymnastics team. Probably because they never had a gymnastics team before this book. After the assembly, Liz asks Jessica what time she will be home and Jessica reminds her that tonight she has another meet against Weston. That makes no sense at all. They just had one a couple days ago.
This time the meet is in Weston's gym. I find it hard to believe that these schools have all this expensive gymnastics equipment. Of course, my school didn't have a gymnastics team. The meets would be against another gymnastics gyms. Oh, and get this, there's another meet on Thursday. These girls are going to injure themselves doing this many competitions. That could be fun for me though.
We get a Dawn POV. Dawn stares at Jessica with her long blond hair and all her friends and thinks that she has it all. But Dawn will “fix her.” I sense a budding psycho Margo in Dawn and I want to bring it out. Dawn complains her ankle is bothering her and goes into the locker room and puts an Ace bandage on it. Sneakily, she also puts baby oil inside the bandage and thinks to herself that Jessica won't get a 9.7 today.
Dawn goes first on the uneven bars and scores a 9.5. She smiles “menacingly” at Jessica after it's over. Then it's Jessica's turn. Her hands feel “slippery” on the bars and she ends up nearly falling and hitting her head. (I was rooting for more injury, I confess.) I'm a little confused as to how Dawn got the baby oil from her ankle onto the bars enough to screw up Jessica's routine. You don't usually rub your ankle against the bars. That would've been suspicious. In fact, your feet don't usually touch the bars, unless you're doing a move where you stand on the lower bar and jump to the upper one. But even then, it'd just be for a second, and the oil would only be on one bar. (Later, it is explained the after Dawn was done, she rubbed her ankle and then rubbed the bars, which I don't think would be allowed. I guess I need to stop thinking about this.)
Anyway, Jessica looks at her had grips and realizes there is oil on them. At this point she should immediately go to the judges and tell them what Dawn did. But when Jessica tells her coach, the coach says they can't go to the judges because they'd be disqualified for being unsportsmanlike! What a load of crap! How is unsportsmanlike to not want to fall off the bars and hurt yourself? Other girls have to go after her! But no one tells the judges and I can only assume all the unnamed girls who compete after Jessica, fall and break their necks. Jessica vows revenge.
Jessica goes home and schemes. Scheming Jessica is my favorite Jessica. She talks to Steven and he says in basketball sometimes people put sugar on other people's hands and it makes them sticky so they can't hold the ball. I don't know how you would actually accomplish this. I call shenanigans again. Anyway, Jessica decides to put sugar in the chalk tray, so Dawn's hands will be sticky when she competes on the uneven bars-on her one event.
Donald tries to learn to do walkovers. He sucks. Jessica convinces him to try out the uneven bars so she can figure out how much sugar she needs to add to the chalk to make it sticky. He falls. I laugh. I'm mean. Deal with it.
At the next meet, Jessica scores a 9.5 on bars. Then she “accidentally” knocks over the chalk tray and has to refill it for Dawn. Convenient that no one else ever seems to compete on this event. As predicted, Dawn falls off the bars and actually hurts her leg. Sociopathic Jessica is pleased with herself.
Jessica starts practicing a new dismount for the California Games. Her coach doesn't think it's a good idea to insert a new skill into her routine, which is true. But there's still something off about this coach. She hasn't told them they're fat or their body is all wrong once. (Random anecdote, when I was a child my first gymnastics instructor told me I'd never be any good because my back was the wrong shape and then I spent ridiculous amounts of time in the mirror trying to make my back curvier. I considered scoliosis.)
After practice, Jessica sees some young kids and they tell her she's definitely going win the California Games now that Dawn is out. Jessica is all, “What are you talking about?” Apparently Dawn was actually hurt when she fell. Jessica doesn't believe the kids. I mean, it's not like you can hurt yourself on the uneven bars.
At dinner, the Wakefield parents look for the sugar and can't find any. Ned says he just bought two bags. What the hell do they need two bags of sugar for, is what I want to know? Jessica shifts uncomfortably and Steven gives her that “I know what you did” look. That night, Jessica has a nightmare about Dawn, which I also say is shenanigans. The Jessica I know would sleep pretty knowing Dawn was out.
Liz is writing her English essay on the phrase “an eye for an eye.” Jessica says if Liz poked out her eye, she'd have a right to poke out Liz's eye. I say we try it! Fun for all of this community! Saint Liz doesn't agree and lectures Jessica about walking away. Whatever. Can someone please explain to me what “eye for an eye” has to do with English (besides that it's in English)?
Jessica gives herself a fake name (“Elizabeth Fowler”--she wishes she were a Fowler!) and goes to ask the Weston coach if Dawn is okay. The coach is like, “Ho-hum, gymnasts get hurt all the time.” He gives Jessica Dawn's number so she can call herself. Should he just be giving out his girls' numbers to potential stalkers like that?
Jess phones Dawn, again giving the fake name. Dawn is pretty much hysterical. She says she was in the emergency room for hours (wouldn't Jessica have known about that? Did they rush her to the hospital afterwards or wait until she might make it worse by continuing to compete?). When Jessica asks if there is anything she can do, Dawn dramatically cries, “There's nothing you can do! There's nothing anyone can do!” And the Oscar goes to...
Then Jessica makes Dawn a care package and brings it over to her on her bike. Dawn lives in *gasp* a poor neighborhood and the pain is peeling on her house. Oh noes! Not the paint! Jess was hoping to just leave it on the doorstep, but Dawn is outside when she arrives. Dawn screams at her for ruining her routine and Jessica shoots back that Dawn started it. Then Jessica peddles about angrily on her bike, an image I find hilarious. You can't ever really be cool on a bike.
At practice, Jessica is suddenly afraid of getting hurt herself. Dawn's coaches words, that gymnasts get hurt all the time, keep going through her head. Jessica is unable to perform her uneven bars routine. I'm actually relieved by this turn of events. When Jessica was acting nicely toward Dawn it creeped me out, but now that she's managed to make it all about herself again, I feel that all is right with the world.
Liz tries to talk to Jessica. She says she “understands” why Jess is upset-she thinks Jess doesn't want to compete at the California Games and win, never knowing if she'd have won if Dawn didn't get hurt. (The old, “I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them” philosophy. Liz should know that Jessica isn't a Torrance; she's a Big Red.)
At yet another practice, Donald tries to do something on the beam and crashes into Lila. Lila shrugs it off and goes to work on her next routine. Jessica watches Lila with awe, thinking that's what she has to do-not worry about being hurt. Jessica realizes to this, for some reason, she has to help Dawn compete. Apparently, Jessica won't be able to perform until Dawn can too.
I don't understand this plot.
Jessica goes to Weston Middle School. They have metal detectors at their school. This is apparently scary. But I think SV should consider them with all the psychos with bombs and knifes running around. She finds Dawn in the gym, she's not practicing with the rest of the team. Dawn's all, “Go away, I don't know why you'd want to help me. This plot makes no sense.” And Jessica is all, “I know, I know, but just go with it so we can get out of here.” So Dawn relents and the two begin working together.
Dawn and Jessica practice at Weston's gym together. Jessica keeps giving Dawn “tips” and Dawn gets annoyed, as you would if you had a backseat gymnast following you around. They snipe back and forth. Jessica asks Dawn if she's ever afraid on the bars. Dawn loudly exclaims that she's not. Her coach says that fear is a gymnasts worst enemy (this is true; it's why I was never a good gymnast-I'm a big ball of fear) and whenever a gymnast falls in the Weston gym, they have to get up and do it again immediately. So I guess Jessica's coach sucks; because she's letting Jessica not practice the bar routine.
Dawn thinks that she's not afraid of falling, she's a afraid of failing. Oh, ghostwriter, you are so deep. I'll write that one down in my diary.
Ronald annoys Lila at another practice. Do these kids go to school ever? Or just do gymnastics? Donald actually performs a simple vault and is pleased with himself. As he's running to the horse, he imagines “Chariots of Fire” playing in his head and makes me spit out my Pepsi laughing. Oh, book, you are so in touch with 90's youth culture.
Then Donald goes over to Jessica on the beam and tells her she should practice on the uneven bars. Apparently since he was brave enough to finally do his vault, she should prove to herself she can do the bar routine. This is a weak metaphor even for Sweet Valley.
So Jessica is forced to do her routine and she does it without falling. The whole team cheers for her and the coach-wait for it-says they should celebrate and offers to take the whole team out for pizza. Okay, lady, I don't know who you are, but you are not a gymnastics coach. Taking the kids out for pizza less than a week before the California Games. But I guess in Sweet Valley world, eating pizza and Dairi Burger and ice cream every day is the way you stay a perfect size sixfour.
Jessica goes with them for pizza even though she was supposed to meet Dawn.
The next day, Dawn is pissed Jessica didn't show up the day before, as you would be if someone said they'd meet you and then didn't. I know this is before cell phones but it's not before phones. At least call the school and let her know, geez. Dawn does her bar routine and nearly falls. Jessica runs over to break her fall and they both end up in a heap.
It just occurred to me that someone is allowing this girl to stay after and practice a dangerous sport unsupervised. What if she broke her neck? Where's the coach? Where are the parents? This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Naturally, Jessica and Dawn love each other now.
At SVM practice, Lila and Jessica get into a random fight where they throw chalk at each other. The coach yells at them for being foolish. I think it's only natural to blow off some steam with a good chalk fight the day before a big meet. The coach tells Jessica she'll have to stay after, but Jessica says she can't (because she has to meet Dawn). She worries she's spending so much time helping Dawn, that now she won't get in enough practice for herself.
At Weston, Dawn freaks out about not doing a move in her routine perfectly. Jessica is like, “Chill out, there's more to life than gymnastics, like parties and boys and ice cream...” Dawn says all she has is gymnastics. She notices the chalk on Jessica and asks about it; Jess explains about the chalk fight. Dawn thinks Jess must hate Lila. Jess says no we're best friends.
Then we the the “big reveal.” Dawn doesn't have any friends. No! With that winning personality? I can't imagine!
Jessica gets on the bars and demonstrates how to do the move for Dawn. But when she dismounts, she lands awkwardly, and injures her ankle. Afterward, Dawn is able to perform the move, but Jessica can barely walk. When she gets home, it still hurts. In the thought process she pronounces it sprained. When did Jessica become a medical doctor? Before or after she became a world-class gymnast?
The girls ride on a bus to Los Angeles, where the California games are held. Liz wears a “white cap with black letters that said PRESS.” You guys, Liz is so lame; there just aren't words for it. You know she made that shit herself because she wants to be like reporters she's seen in old movies.
The girls warm up. Jessica thinks she can get through her bar routine with her bad ankle until she realizes-oh no-she actually has to land her new dismount! Jessica's a bit slow. She goes through the whole routine perfectly, and then falls to her knees on the dismount. Somehow she still gets a 9.4. I call shenanigans again.
Dawn, on the other hand, does perfectly on her routine. Jessica cheers for her when she completes the move she had trouble with. And then when it's over, she runs out and gives Dawn a hug. Jessica's coach cries out, and Jessica turns around to see the whole team staring at her. She thinks they think she's a traitor. But in reality, they have just seen how swollen her ankle is and are freaked out. The whole team rushes over to her and help her back to the bench.
Dawn's teammate give her high fives for putting up the best score. But she thinks that they're not really her friends, the way Jessica's friends care about her when she's hurt. They only like her when she does well.
Somehow, Jessica manages to win a silver on the bars even though she fell. Shenanigans. She has her foot propped up. But she manages to walk to the podium. She should've made her coach carry her like Kerri Strug! What's the point of injuring yourself in the course of gymnastics if you don't get carried everywhere? Dawn wins gold, and Jessica decides she is not sad because-since she helped Dawn-the gold is “half hers.” Whatever.
They also give out a “Most Promising Gymnast” award for the girl who had the highest scores on every apparatus. (Isn't that just called the all around?) Dawn wins that too. When Dawn accepts her award, she gives an acceptance speech (shenanigans; this isn't the Oscars) and says she couldn't have done it without her friend Jessica Wakefield. Everyone applauds for Jessica.
Dawn apologizes to Jessica for putting baby oil on the bars. Jessica apologizes for putting sugar in the chalk. They hug. Happy schmappy. Dawn asks if they'll ever see each other again and Jessica assures her they will compete against each other all the time next season. I don't need to tell you this is lies and Dawn Maven is never heard from again, do I?
Next up! The second (and final) book in the Team Sweet Valley series: I can't imagine why this series didn't catch on.