SVH #92: She's Not What She Seems
I remember when I was younger, this was one of my favourite Sweet Valley books - probably because Jess was the main character and all the Shakespeare stuff. I remember also thinking that the story was really dark - until I watched All About Eve and realised that the entire book was just a big fat plagiarised mess. I still like Jess, but she honestly is no Bette Davis.
Here's the cover:
I'm not sure if you can tell from this picture, but Evil Paula looks remarkably like a man, in my opinion.
The book begins with a quotation: "Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it!" OUCH. Those anvils can really hurt when you're not prepared. Jess is rehearsing for her part in the school's production of Macbeth - never mind the fact that she hasn't actually won it yet. Jess is just like that, I guess. Blah blah blah, turquoise eyes, size six figures. Liz refuses to help Jess rehearse, but less than a minute later Jess manages to change her mind. I sit back and reflect how much hasn't changed in the past ninety-one books.
At school, Amy and Lila gossip about how Jess has become obsessed with the play. She's even skipped a trip to the mall. The mall! Can you believe it? This is like Liz passing up an opportunity to reunite a set of estranged family members, or Todd forgetting to be boring. Sadly, this is par for the course for the rest of the book. We're also introduced to Evil Paula here - she's a "thin, mousy-looking girl" with boring hair and unfashionable clothes. Lila is mean about her and Jess comments that the girl has been following her around a lot lately, and because this book is pre-Crazy Margo, it's implied that the stalking is flattering rather than bad.
There are about five hundred scenes where everyone talks about how absorbed Jess is with the play. Then Steven comes home from college and they all have dinner. There's no real purpose for this bit except for Steven to warn Jess that it's an unlucky play. Foreshadowing! Jess, rather sweetly, thinks that Katherine Hepburn was the first person ever to play Lady Macbeth. Also, Steven says: "That's all we guys are - decorations! You value us only for our pretty faces and tanned bodies!" to which the twins reply, "Exactly!" Except...not in Liz's case, given her enthusiasm towards playing board games and going to Miller's Point to have long conversations with her boyfriends. How weirdly out-of-character for her.
The gang finally meet Evil Paula. She's pathetic, but they all love her anyway because she looks sad and dreamy when she talks about the theatre. Even Lila loves her! Jess is delighted with her as well, probably because she's found a new willing slave to pick up her dry-cleaning and rehearse lines with her. Lila, Amy, Annie and Evil Paula all arrange to play tennis the following morning, without Jess.
FINALLY the cast list is revealed. Jess is Lady Macbeth, Bill Chase is Macbeth (like that won't be awkward!), Winston is Banquo, Lila is a witch, and various other characters no one cares about are the remaining parts. Jess is pleased. Lila is not, and spends the rest of the book sulking about it. I don't really understand this because I personally would relish the opportunity to ham it up as a witch, but I think Lila doesn't think that a witch is ~*glamorous*~ enough.
Evil Paula and Jess are rehearsing at the Wakefield house. Jess rudely wanders off to chat to Sam on the phone and Evil Paula is stuck talking to Liz. Liz, predictably, sticks her nose into Evil Paula's business like the enormous Buttinski she is, and has soon found out that her father hit her, her brother ran away, her mother is dead, and that she's living with friends in Sweet Valley. I'm surprised that Liz buys this melodramatic bullshit, but buy it she does.
Liz runs to Jess' room to tell her all about Evil Paula's tragic life. I'd be pissed about this if I was Evil Paula, but then again, I guess this is actually what she wanted to happen, so maybe not. Still, remind me not to tell Liz any of my secrets. Jess is horrified and resolves to be nice to Evil Paula - by giving her a dramatic makeover. Yeah.
Jess starts to notice that Evil Paula, with her hot new clothes and makeup, has become much more outgoing when she's not around her. She flirts with the cute director's assistant, she organises trips to Secca Lake with everyone except the twins, and even becomes Jess' understudy for the play after Jennifer Morris, the previous understudy, gets mono. Isn't she John Pfeifer's ex? If the writers did that intentionally, that is hilariously bad taste. Insert another five hundred sequences of Evil Paula sucking up to Jess' friends, and Jess giving Evil Paula bitchface.
I have to say, I'm amused by how willing the SV "in-crowd" are to believe that Evil Paula idolises them all. Also, the way she behaves (praising them at the expense of herself, going out of her way to help them out, etc.) is a lot like the way that Robin Wilson behaved in the early books, only everyone hated Robin for the exact same reasons that they like Evil Paula. This is probably because Evil Paula is hot when tarted up but Robin was just a pathetic fatso hanger-on.
Liz manages to get a reporter from the LA Times to come and see the play. I don't know if this is common in America, but I do find it surprising. Like, I am so sure that reviewers for real newspapers have nothing better to do than to watch a bunch of high school students massacre Shakespeare in some tiny backwater town.
At school, Jess is sulking about Evil Paula, who she thinks is stealing her life. Everyone else is just laughing and saying, "Oh that crazy Jessica!" which is actually pretty funny. Annie suggests that they all go to the Dairi Burger that night for cheeseburgers, which I'm so sure for a group of cheerleaders, but Jess refuses, saying that she wants to stay in and watch a movie with Steven. I bet Steven would actually rather go out and get laid than sit at home with his whiny sister, but whatever. Anyway, that night, Jess and Steven hang out for a while, but then Jess decides that she's not going to let her dislike of Evil Paula affect her hanging out with her other friends, no sirree, Bob! I think this is the right attitude to have, actually, and she goes to meet her friends, leaving Steven to probably cry himself to sleep over his dead girlfriend.
Inside, Jess sees a table with Lila and the gang, but Sam and Evil Paula are in their own private booth, and she's all over him. She's also looking hot. Jess is pissed and storms out of the place, and Sam follows her. They fight, which I remember really upset me when I was younger as I loved the Sam/Jess ship. (I cried REAL TEARS when he died!) While I understand how Jess is feeling, and she's even proven right in her judgment of Evil Paula later on, I can see both points of view here. I wouldn't be thrilled if my boyfriend was hanging out with another girl who was clearly coming onto him, especially if there was a table of friends nearby he could go and join, but Jess hadn't really voiced her more serious concerns about Evil Paula to Sam at this stage, so he doesn't know how she feels. Also, he dies in like three books, so I'm prepared to cut him some slack.
It's the evening of opening night and Jess is hanging out at home with Prince Albert. I have to say, this bit always seemed weird to me when I was younger - whenever I was in school plays, I always stayed on after school so as to be aware of any last minute changes. Also, this section is meant to highlight how isolated Jess is from her friends, but does she really not have anyone to hang out with other than Lila and Amy?
Anyway, the phone rings and it's Evil Paula, distraught. Apparently her father asked her to come and see him, and then abandoned her without money or a car. It's a barrelful of lies that my pet rock would see through in an instant, but Jess' heart melts, and promises to risk missing the performance to come and rescue her. Evil Paula gives her crappy directions, and it doesn't help that it's pissing down with rain. Finally, Jess realises that she's been duped. Jess is angry and sad that she was taken in by Evil Paula's act.
I'm going to pause here to say that Evil Paula was extremely lucky that her shitty plan was successful. It relied on 1) managing to befriend Jess in the first place; 2) managing to alienate Jess from her friends; 3) Jess being at home and alone when Evil Paula called - what if Mrs. Wakefield had been around and offered to go instead? 4) Jess picking up the phone; 5) Jess being willing to come and pick her up. It's unclear whether Evil Paula had this entire master-plan worked out from the beginning, but she had no way of knowing before she got to know Jess that she would put the play to one side to help her friend. I also don't see why she just didn't audition along with everyone else if she's such a good actress, but perhaps she just didn't want to run the risk of having Jess as an enemy and end up accused of date-rape, or stuck with a vodka-spiked drink, or whatever crazy scheme Jess would come up with to exact her revenge.
Liz calls Evil Paula's house and a lady who refers to herself as Evil Paula's mother answers the phone. Suspicious, Liz asks about Evil Paula's father, only to be told that he died ten years ago. Ruh-roh!
Meanwhile, Jess phones the school to ask for them to hold the curtain to give her time to get there. She's too late, alas: "Paula is already in costume and ready to go on." I always found that bit supremely creepy. I also feel really bad for Jess - yes, she was bitchy at some parts in this book, but she also worked incredibly hard for the role, and it must be so frustrating for the pay-off to be snatched out from under her nose.
Jess shows up at the auditorium in time to watch one of Evil Paula's scenes. She's really good. Then, Jess goes to the rocking cast party at Lila's house with Liz, TBT and Sam for moral support. This is the only party in the book, by the way - what sort of crazy is this?! - and it's a good one. There are lots of reporters there for some reason, and Evil Paula is looking especially hot. The play is getting rave reviews from everyone. Jess enters. This bit is so cool. Wearing her crappy jeans and sweatshirt, she's all, "Evil Paula, j'accuse!" She doesn't yell or scream, though, and - because her voice "carried the ring of truth" as the narrator helpfully tells us - everyone believes her story. Finally, Evil Paula exits haughtily and Jess is surrounded by her friends once more. Hooray!
The next day, everyone is hanging out by the Wakefield pool. Jess is a little too quick to forgive them all for taking Evil Paula's side in my opinion, but whatever. They compare Evil Paula to the real Lady Macbeth, which I think is going a bit too far - call me when she actually conspires to murder someone - but then Evil Paula herself waltzes up and expects everyone to welcome her with open arms. I have to say that for a criminal mastermind, Evil Paula is about as dumb as a bag of hair. For all her psychological mind-games, she doesn't realise that people don't appreciate being lied to (especially about abusive fathers and dead mothers). She is cold-shouldered by everyone, of course, and leaves in tears. So long, Evil Paula. As a villain you were…kind of crap, really. Enjoy high school with everyone hating you!
Then Lila pushes Winston in the pool.
That would have made an awesome ending there, but we have to stick around for the rest of the book to see Jess' first performance - she's a roaring success, of course - and for Lila to tell everyone that Evil Paula didn't show up on the second night for her understudy role which pissed the director off, and consequently Evil Paula won't be going to New York on his recommendation because she "isn't mature enough for a career in the theatre!" Frackin' duh. She's fifteen! Everyone feels sad about this for some reason, and that's the end of the book.
B-plot: Lila wants to be Lady Macbeth. As I mentioned, she is cast as one of the witches instead, and because Lila Fowler Is Awesome, she spends the rest of the book complaining about the costume design (she thinks that her costume should be "lavender, maybe, with glitter" instead of grey), and adding snarky comments after all her lines ("Here I have a pilot's thumb, wracked as homeward he did come. Yum, yum!") and basically making everyone else onstage with her crack up. Lila, honestly, rules. There's also a mention of her being asked out by Tony Alimenti and Lila being all, "lol no," which I think is a nice touch, given how soon this book takes place after Don't Go Home With John.
C-plot: Annie Whitman's mother is in New York on a modelling assignment which has left her "walking on air". Also, Annie misses living in a real house (rather than the apartment she shares with her mother), and the Wakefields' neighbours are moving out, meaning that the house next door to the split-level ranch is for sale. Given that the next book is entitled Stepsisters, I wonder what could be in store for Annie and her mother??
Here's the cover:
I'm not sure if you can tell from this picture, but Evil Paula looks remarkably like a man, in my opinion.
The book begins with a quotation: "Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it!" OUCH. Those anvils can really hurt when you're not prepared. Jess is rehearsing for her part in the school's production of Macbeth - never mind the fact that she hasn't actually won it yet. Jess is just like that, I guess. Blah blah blah, turquoise eyes, size six figures. Liz refuses to help Jess rehearse, but less than a minute later Jess manages to change her mind. I sit back and reflect how much hasn't changed in the past ninety-one books.
At school, Amy and Lila gossip about how Jess has become obsessed with the play. She's even skipped a trip to the mall. The mall! Can you believe it? This is like Liz passing up an opportunity to reunite a set of estranged family members, or Todd forgetting to be boring. Sadly, this is par for the course for the rest of the book. We're also introduced to Evil Paula here - she's a "thin, mousy-looking girl" with boring hair and unfashionable clothes. Lila is mean about her and Jess comments that the girl has been following her around a lot lately, and because this book is pre-Crazy Margo, it's implied that the stalking is flattering rather than bad.
There are about five hundred scenes where everyone talks about how absorbed Jess is with the play. Then Steven comes home from college and they all have dinner. There's no real purpose for this bit except for Steven to warn Jess that it's an unlucky play. Foreshadowing! Jess, rather sweetly, thinks that Katherine Hepburn was the first person ever to play Lady Macbeth. Also, Steven says: "That's all we guys are - decorations! You value us only for our pretty faces and tanned bodies!" to which the twins reply, "Exactly!" Except...not in Liz's case, given her enthusiasm towards playing board games and going to Miller's Point to have long conversations with her boyfriends. How weirdly out-of-character for her.
The gang finally meet Evil Paula. She's pathetic, but they all love her anyway because she looks sad and dreamy when she talks about the theatre. Even Lila loves her! Jess is delighted with her as well, probably because she's found a new willing slave to pick up her dry-cleaning and rehearse lines with her. Lila, Amy, Annie and Evil Paula all arrange to play tennis the following morning, without Jess.
FINALLY the cast list is revealed. Jess is Lady Macbeth, Bill Chase is Macbeth (like that won't be awkward!), Winston is Banquo, Lila is a witch, and various other characters no one cares about are the remaining parts. Jess is pleased. Lila is not, and spends the rest of the book sulking about it. I don't really understand this because I personally would relish the opportunity to ham it up as a witch, but I think Lila doesn't think that a witch is ~*glamorous*~ enough.
Evil Paula and Jess are rehearsing at the Wakefield house. Jess rudely wanders off to chat to Sam on the phone and Evil Paula is stuck talking to Liz. Liz, predictably, sticks her nose into Evil Paula's business like the enormous Buttinski she is, and has soon found out that her father hit her, her brother ran away, her mother is dead, and that she's living with friends in Sweet Valley. I'm surprised that Liz buys this melodramatic bullshit, but buy it she does.
Liz runs to Jess' room to tell her all about Evil Paula's tragic life. I'd be pissed about this if I was Evil Paula, but then again, I guess this is actually what she wanted to happen, so maybe not. Still, remind me not to tell Liz any of my secrets. Jess is horrified and resolves to be nice to Evil Paula - by giving her a dramatic makeover. Yeah.
Jess starts to notice that Evil Paula, with her hot new clothes and makeup, has become much more outgoing when she's not around her. She flirts with the cute director's assistant, she organises trips to Secca Lake with everyone except the twins, and even becomes Jess' understudy for the play after Jennifer Morris, the previous understudy, gets mono. Isn't she John Pfeifer's ex? If the writers did that intentionally, that is hilariously bad taste. Insert another five hundred sequences of Evil Paula sucking up to Jess' friends, and Jess giving Evil Paula bitchface.
I have to say, I'm amused by how willing the SV "in-crowd" are to believe that Evil Paula idolises them all. Also, the way she behaves (praising them at the expense of herself, going out of her way to help them out, etc.) is a lot like the way that Robin Wilson behaved in the early books, only everyone hated Robin for the exact same reasons that they like Evil Paula. This is probably because Evil Paula is hot when tarted up but Robin was just a pathetic fatso hanger-on.
Liz manages to get a reporter from the LA Times to come and see the play. I don't know if this is common in America, but I do find it surprising. Like, I am so sure that reviewers for real newspapers have nothing better to do than to watch a bunch of high school students massacre Shakespeare in some tiny backwater town.
At school, Jess is sulking about Evil Paula, who she thinks is stealing her life. Everyone else is just laughing and saying, "Oh that crazy Jessica!" which is actually pretty funny. Annie suggests that they all go to the Dairi Burger that night for cheeseburgers, which I'm so sure for a group of cheerleaders, but Jess refuses, saying that she wants to stay in and watch a movie with Steven. I bet Steven would actually rather go out and get laid than sit at home with his whiny sister, but whatever. Anyway, that night, Jess and Steven hang out for a while, but then Jess decides that she's not going to let her dislike of Evil Paula affect her hanging out with her other friends, no sirree, Bob! I think this is the right attitude to have, actually, and she goes to meet her friends, leaving Steven to probably cry himself to sleep over his dead girlfriend.
Inside, Jess sees a table with Lila and the gang, but Sam and Evil Paula are in their own private booth, and she's all over him. She's also looking hot. Jess is pissed and storms out of the place, and Sam follows her. They fight, which I remember really upset me when I was younger as I loved the Sam/Jess ship. (I cried REAL TEARS when he died!) While I understand how Jess is feeling, and she's even proven right in her judgment of Evil Paula later on, I can see both points of view here. I wouldn't be thrilled if my boyfriend was hanging out with another girl who was clearly coming onto him, especially if there was a table of friends nearby he could go and join, but Jess hadn't really voiced her more serious concerns about Evil Paula to Sam at this stage, so he doesn't know how she feels. Also, he dies in like three books, so I'm prepared to cut him some slack.
It's the evening of opening night and Jess is hanging out at home with Prince Albert. I have to say, this bit always seemed weird to me when I was younger - whenever I was in school plays, I always stayed on after school so as to be aware of any last minute changes. Also, this section is meant to highlight how isolated Jess is from her friends, but does she really not have anyone to hang out with other than Lila and Amy?
Anyway, the phone rings and it's Evil Paula, distraught. Apparently her father asked her to come and see him, and then abandoned her without money or a car. It's a barrelful of lies that my pet rock would see through in an instant, but Jess' heart melts, and promises to risk missing the performance to come and rescue her. Evil Paula gives her crappy directions, and it doesn't help that it's pissing down with rain. Finally, Jess realises that she's been duped. Jess is angry and sad that she was taken in by Evil Paula's act.
I'm going to pause here to say that Evil Paula was extremely lucky that her shitty plan was successful. It relied on 1) managing to befriend Jess in the first place; 2) managing to alienate Jess from her friends; 3) Jess being at home and alone when Evil Paula called - what if Mrs. Wakefield had been around and offered to go instead? 4) Jess picking up the phone; 5) Jess being willing to come and pick her up. It's unclear whether Evil Paula had this entire master-plan worked out from the beginning, but she had no way of knowing before she got to know Jess that she would put the play to one side to help her friend. I also don't see why she just didn't audition along with everyone else if she's such a good actress, but perhaps she just didn't want to run the risk of having Jess as an enemy and end up accused of date-rape, or stuck with a vodka-spiked drink, or whatever crazy scheme Jess would come up with to exact her revenge.
Liz calls Evil Paula's house and a lady who refers to herself as Evil Paula's mother answers the phone. Suspicious, Liz asks about Evil Paula's father, only to be told that he died ten years ago. Ruh-roh!
Meanwhile, Jess phones the school to ask for them to hold the curtain to give her time to get there. She's too late, alas: "Paula is already in costume and ready to go on." I always found that bit supremely creepy. I also feel really bad for Jess - yes, she was bitchy at some parts in this book, but she also worked incredibly hard for the role, and it must be so frustrating for the pay-off to be snatched out from under her nose.
Jess shows up at the auditorium in time to watch one of Evil Paula's scenes. She's really good. Then, Jess goes to the rocking cast party at Lila's house with Liz, TBT and Sam for moral support. This is the only party in the book, by the way - what sort of crazy is this?! - and it's a good one. There are lots of reporters there for some reason, and Evil Paula is looking especially hot. The play is getting rave reviews from everyone. Jess enters. This bit is so cool. Wearing her crappy jeans and sweatshirt, she's all, "Evil Paula, j'accuse!" She doesn't yell or scream, though, and - because her voice "carried the ring of truth" as the narrator helpfully tells us - everyone believes her story. Finally, Evil Paula exits haughtily and Jess is surrounded by her friends once more. Hooray!
The next day, everyone is hanging out by the Wakefield pool. Jess is a little too quick to forgive them all for taking Evil Paula's side in my opinion, but whatever. They compare Evil Paula to the real Lady Macbeth, which I think is going a bit too far - call me when she actually conspires to murder someone - but then Evil Paula herself waltzes up and expects everyone to welcome her with open arms. I have to say that for a criminal mastermind, Evil Paula is about as dumb as a bag of hair. For all her psychological mind-games, she doesn't realise that people don't appreciate being lied to (especially about abusive fathers and dead mothers). She is cold-shouldered by everyone, of course, and leaves in tears. So long, Evil Paula. As a villain you were…kind of crap, really. Enjoy high school with everyone hating you!
Then Lila pushes Winston in the pool.
That would have made an awesome ending there, but we have to stick around for the rest of the book to see Jess' first performance - she's a roaring success, of course - and for Lila to tell everyone that Evil Paula didn't show up on the second night for her understudy role which pissed the director off, and consequently Evil Paula won't be going to New York on his recommendation because she "isn't mature enough for a career in the theatre!" Frackin' duh. She's fifteen! Everyone feels sad about this for some reason, and that's the end of the book.
B-plot: Lila wants to be Lady Macbeth. As I mentioned, she is cast as one of the witches instead, and because Lila Fowler Is Awesome, she spends the rest of the book complaining about the costume design (she thinks that her costume should be "lavender, maybe, with glitter" instead of grey), and adding snarky comments after all her lines ("Here I have a pilot's thumb, wracked as homeward he did come. Yum, yum!") and basically making everyone else onstage with her crack up. Lila, honestly, rules. There's also a mention of her being asked out by Tony Alimenti and Lila being all, "lol no," which I think is a nice touch, given how soon this book takes place after Don't Go Home With John.
C-plot: Annie Whitman's mother is in New York on a modelling assignment which has left her "walking on air". Also, Annie misses living in a real house (rather than the apartment she shares with her mother), and the Wakefields' neighbours are moving out, meaning that the house next door to the split-level ranch is for sale. Given that the next book is entitled Stepsisters, I wonder what could be in store for Annie and her mother??