SVT 31 - Jessica’s Bad Idea
This book has a makeover, guys!!! And it’s a totally classic Sweet Valley makeover. When Jess and Liz teach poor unpopular Sandra Ferris how to dress, she becomes magically popular. The whole plot is based around it being a classic Sweet Valley makeover and I love that about this book.
But the makeover is really the only redeeming feature. It’s actually a tad on the boring side.
Wow, I sure know how to talk up a recap. Um, I’ll redirect your attention to the MAKEOVER!! The cover astounded me with its insanely accurate depiction of Sandra Ferris’ makeover...
It’s all there. Every little bit. The "white sleeveless blouse with a scooped neck", the jeans Sandra was originally wearing, Jessica’s purple braided belt, Liz’s horse pendant, the French braid and "wispy bangs", even (if you look closely) the blush and pink lip gloss. I’m so impressed. Sandra’s arms look oddly long, but it’s okay because she’s meant to be lanky! Jessica looks a bit like Mickey Mouse with her flushed cheeks and perky nose, but I often think this about the twins on the SVT covers.
Seriously. They’re practically indistinguishable. I bet you can’t even tell the diff between Jessica’s Bad Idea and Mickey’s Bad Idea without looking at the title.
Anyway.
A plot
Kerry Glenn (who I’ve never heard of, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a somewhat frequent peripheral character) invites the twins to her birthday party, along with a bunch of girls from school and their ballet class (and I just checked Teacher’s Pet and there’s Kerry Glenn! So... have some continuity points, ghostwriter!). And Sandra Ferris is also invited. Jessica whines that Sandra’s weird and a klutz, and Kerry agrees - she had to invite Sandra because their mums are friends. Liz is all "just because she’s shy doesn’t mean she’s not nice!" and remembers she was friends with her in elementary school, but she’s shouted down. In Kerry’s words, "Sandra Ferris is a total loser". Okay, here’s where the book LOST its newly acquired continuity points. So Sandra’s quiet, shy, awkward, etc and Liz was her friend in the past? At the Unicorn meeting Liz attends in Best Friends, they gossip it up about Sandra Ferris going to the Dairi Burger wearing a bright red bra under a white shirt, and Liz is all "who ARE these people being gossiped about?" Does not compute.
I don’t know if I’m proud of ashamed of my intimate knowledge of Best Friends.
Apparently Kerry’s one dimensional character trait is that she’s a ballet nut, so Lila and Jess decide to make the party a surprise ballet theme, and make sure everyone gets ballet themed presents. Jess gets the guest list from Kerry’s mum and makes about half the phone calls before getting sick of it and deciding to rely on word of mouth for the other half. Of course, Sandra has no friends so she’s the only one who’s not in on the ballet theme. We get the party from Sandra’s POV and she angsts about how no-one likes her and everyone’s laughing at her for not knowing the theme and Kerry doesn’t like her present (which does not endear me to her at all) so Sandra goes to have a cry. The rest is predictable - everyone’s favourite meddler Elizabeth barges in, makes Sandra spill her guts about how no-one likes her, then pityingly invites Sandra over for the next day. Later, in Alice’s company, Liz chastises Jess for not letting Sandra know about the theme and makes a big deal about how she invited Sandra over the next day. Alice beamingly offers Liz some halo polish, which is silly because what could possibly tarnish the untainted saintliness of Elizabeth Wakefield?
The next day at the Wakefield house, Sandra compliments Jessica’s effortless style and laments her own lack thereof and Jess agrees to do a total makeover on Sandra. And by total, I mean we get walking lessons too! How very ANTM. Badabing, badaboom, Sandra’s now hot! She can be treated as a human in Sweet Valley now! They test drive Sandra’s new hotness by going for a walk around the block, and we run into Aaron Dallas, Ricky Capaldo and Tom McKay who have to scrape their jaws off the ground. Check out this awesome backhanded compliment: Sandra giggled. "I do [look different]?" "Yeah!" Ricky exclaimed. "It sure is an improvement!" I interpret that as a wicked burn, but apparently Sandra’s quite chuffed. Even Steven gets tongue tied upon their arrival, and shyly invites her to join in a pickup volleyball game at the beach that Saturday. I totally don’t buy that, so I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen. Seriously, the reason he broke up with Janet Howell, who’s two years older, was because she was too young! Minus continuity points again.
Sandra’s makeover is the hot gossip at school and Jessica gets angry because everyone is paying attention to how hot Sandra is instead of saying "wow, check out what a good job Jessica did!" and admiring her new sweater. It’s NOT FAAIIIR she frets. Sandra sits with the Unicorns at lunch and Bruce does some ridiculous flirting ("and who’s this? Christie Brinkley? Oh my mistake, you’re Cybill Shepherd, right?" ...yeah. Oh Bruce. No, I did not invent this dialogue). Jess seethes with jealousy and then one of the lace cuffs on sweater (yeah, I know! See B plot!) falls off in her lunch and the embarrassment is just too much and is somehow Sandra’s fault! Grr to Sandra!
Next day, Sandra’s still all that everyone talks about and Jess stews some more. Mrs Arnette makes an announcement about some festival celebrating the founding of Sweet Valley called Sweet Valley Days. She asks the class if they know when Sweet Valley was founded, and Jess hilariously suggests 1492. She’s pwned by Sandra, who gives a detailed, Liz-esque right answer. Bitter bitter bitter. Because apparently Jess cares about schoolwork in this book or something. No no no no, ghostwriter. Didn’t you read that bit at the beginning? Elizabeth is the studious one. They're like night and day, dammit, NIGHT AND DAY! So for Sweet Valley Days the mayor will be giving an address at SVMS and the social studies teachers are selecting someone to introduce him. Plus there’s a class election in each grade for the Citizen of the Year, who will be on the citizenship float in the Sweet Valley Days parade. Jess decides that scoring both things is a great way to get back in the spotlight.
Meanwhile, Sandra’s worried everyone only likes her for her hotness rather than herself, and Liz is annoyingly dense when Sandra’s trying to explain her worries. "Everyone at school likes you. Why should that change?" And Sandra’s convinced that introducing the mayor will somehow mean she’s totally accepted, and gets Liz to agree to nominate her instead of Jess. Dun dun duuuun. Some more awkward Steven/Sandra, which is still stupid.
Jess doesn’t take Liz’s defection as badly as you’d think. There’s some angry pencil throwing, but not at Liz (sadly), just at the situation in general. She relents because she doesn’t think Sandra will win anyway. "But if you ask me, she’s a schemer," Jessica said. "She wants all the attention for herself, and she’ll do anything to get it." Hello, kettle? This is Jessica Wakefield. You’re a schemer! "Where did you get such a crazy idea?" asks Liz. I wonder indeed.
Sandra is chosen to intro the mayor. In her delirious joy, she decides it would be fun to run for sixth grade citizen of the year as well! Jess is livid. "I, like, invented her!" she seethes, munching on a Calteen bar. Jessica tries to make herself look like a good citizen by publicly doing things like offering to clean the blackboard, donating money to a literacy program and such but Sandra hilariously one ups her everytime. She doesn’t give a hoot about the literacy program, [Jessica] thought angrily. She just wants to show me up! Hello, kettle? This is Jessica Wakefi... yeah, I can only use that joke so many times.
To prove she’s an awesome citizen, Jess tries valiantly to come up with an idea to raise money for a bookmobile thingy. Steven ends up telling her about the SVH seniors making a commemorative booklet and selling ads to raise moneys for the prom, which Jess thinks is an awesome idea. At school, she tells Liz all about it (who’s waiting for Sandra). Meanwhile, Sandra’s hiding behind a nearby tree (waiting for Jess to leave) and overhears something about the bookmobile and selling ads. And Sandra gets a totally awesome idea! Her sister who goes to SVH once told her that the seniors... yeah, it’s the same as Jess’ idea. So Sandra tears off to Mrs Arnette to tell her her brilliant idea. Jess shows up about five minutes too late. Poor, poor Jess. Jess and Liz confront Sandra by the lockers.
Jess: You stole my idea!!
Sandra: Why are you so mean to me? I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we could all eat it and be happy -
Jess: YOU STOLE MY IDEA!!
Sandra: Booohoooo, whyyyy are you so mean to me? Now I will put all my effort into winning this election over you!
Sandra introduces the mayor and announces the booklet idea and everyone loves her for it. I don’t get why they’re all so keen for this fundraiser, but who am I to question the ways of SV? Sandra rocks the election and wins, with Jess in second. She heads to the Wakefields’ after school to try and make it up, ends up talking to Steven who kickstarts a thought process which leads to "oh crap, I think I DID accidently steal Jess’ idea! I suck!" So on the day of the parade, Sandra calls in sick and heads to the Wakefield house to apologise and tell Jess to ride in the float. Kimberly and Janet are the 7th and 8th grade winners so it’s an all-Unicorn float. And we all lived happily ever after. Oh, and Jess lets Sandra take credit for the booklet because Sandra’s done a buttload of work on it since its announcement.
B plot
Jessica fancies herself a fashion designer. Her stellar ideas include gold spangles on her gym uniform, "purple cotton pants with elastic at the ankles" (hot), and (she actually carries this one out) sewing a lace collar and cuffs onto an angora sweater. Because nothing screams most popular girl in school like a lace collar. She’s pretty crap at it - her lace cuffs are loose and one falls off in her food at lunch. But the book is punctuated by Jessica daydreaming about how awesome she’d look in something she made herself, usually while doing something supposedly awesome like introducing the mayor.
So she decides to make a pioneer dress for the citizenship float, and the dress also sucks. And after Sandra’s apparent treachery she doesn’t put a whole lot of effort in. So she ends up on the float in a crappy dress, with the hem held up with masking tape. Somehow, this doesn’t bother her in the slightest. What did this ghostwriter DO to Jessica? Caring about sounding smart in class? Not caring about how she looks in front of a large crowd of people? No! No no no!
And at the end of the day she chucks her dress in the bin, along with her hopes and ambitions of being a fashion designer. And she switches her focus to acting, leading into the teaser for Jessica on Stage.
And about halfway through the book, Caroline randomly foreshadows the coming of the East German Gymnasts. The Unicorns discuss it for a paragraph and it is never spoken of again in this book.
I think Mickey's Bad Idea might have been a tad more entertaining. This book isn't the most fun of SVT books, despite the magic makeover. Sad!
But the makeover is really the only redeeming feature. It’s actually a tad on the boring side.
Wow, I sure know how to talk up a recap. Um, I’ll redirect your attention to the MAKEOVER!! The cover astounded me with its insanely accurate depiction of Sandra Ferris’ makeover...
It’s all there. Every little bit. The "white sleeveless blouse with a scooped neck", the jeans Sandra was originally wearing, Jessica’s purple braided belt, Liz’s horse pendant, the French braid and "wispy bangs", even (if you look closely) the blush and pink lip gloss. I’m so impressed. Sandra’s arms look oddly long, but it’s okay because she’s meant to be lanky! Jessica looks a bit like Mickey Mouse with her flushed cheeks and perky nose, but I often think this about the twins on the SVT covers.
Seriously. They’re practically indistinguishable. I bet you can’t even tell the diff between Jessica’s Bad Idea and Mickey’s Bad Idea without looking at the title.
Anyway.
A plot
Kerry Glenn (who I’ve never heard of, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a somewhat frequent peripheral character) invites the twins to her birthday party, along with a bunch of girls from school and their ballet class (and I just checked Teacher’s Pet and there’s Kerry Glenn! So... have some continuity points, ghostwriter!). And Sandra Ferris is also invited. Jessica whines that Sandra’s weird and a klutz, and Kerry agrees - she had to invite Sandra because their mums are friends. Liz is all "just because she’s shy doesn’t mean she’s not nice!" and remembers she was friends with her in elementary school, but she’s shouted down. In Kerry’s words, "Sandra Ferris is a total loser". Okay, here’s where the book LOST its newly acquired continuity points. So Sandra’s quiet, shy, awkward, etc and Liz was her friend in the past? At the Unicorn meeting Liz attends in Best Friends, they gossip it up about Sandra Ferris going to the Dairi Burger wearing a bright red bra under a white shirt, and Liz is all "who ARE these people being gossiped about?" Does not compute.
I don’t know if I’m proud of ashamed of my intimate knowledge of Best Friends.
Apparently Kerry’s one dimensional character trait is that she’s a ballet nut, so Lila and Jess decide to make the party a surprise ballet theme, and make sure everyone gets ballet themed presents. Jess gets the guest list from Kerry’s mum and makes about half the phone calls before getting sick of it and deciding to rely on word of mouth for the other half. Of course, Sandra has no friends so she’s the only one who’s not in on the ballet theme. We get the party from Sandra’s POV and she angsts about how no-one likes her and everyone’s laughing at her for not knowing the theme and Kerry doesn’t like her present (which does not endear me to her at all) so Sandra goes to have a cry. The rest is predictable - everyone’s favourite meddler Elizabeth barges in, makes Sandra spill her guts about how no-one likes her, then pityingly invites Sandra over for the next day. Later, in Alice’s company, Liz chastises Jess for not letting Sandra know about the theme and makes a big deal about how she invited Sandra over the next day. Alice beamingly offers Liz some halo polish, which is silly because what could possibly tarnish the untainted saintliness of Elizabeth Wakefield?
The next day at the Wakefield house, Sandra compliments Jessica’s effortless style and laments her own lack thereof and Jess agrees to do a total makeover on Sandra. And by total, I mean we get walking lessons too! How very ANTM. Badabing, badaboom, Sandra’s now hot! She can be treated as a human in Sweet Valley now! They test drive Sandra’s new hotness by going for a walk around the block, and we run into Aaron Dallas, Ricky Capaldo and Tom McKay who have to scrape their jaws off the ground. Check out this awesome backhanded compliment: Sandra giggled. "I do [look different]?" "Yeah!" Ricky exclaimed. "It sure is an improvement!" I interpret that as a wicked burn, but apparently Sandra’s quite chuffed. Even Steven gets tongue tied upon their arrival, and shyly invites her to join in a pickup volleyball game at the beach that Saturday. I totally don’t buy that, so I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen. Seriously, the reason he broke up with Janet Howell, who’s two years older, was because she was too young! Minus continuity points again.
Sandra’s makeover is the hot gossip at school and Jessica gets angry because everyone is paying attention to how hot Sandra is instead of saying "wow, check out what a good job Jessica did!" and admiring her new sweater. It’s NOT FAAIIIR she frets. Sandra sits with the Unicorns at lunch and Bruce does some ridiculous flirting ("and who’s this? Christie Brinkley? Oh my mistake, you’re Cybill Shepherd, right?" ...yeah. Oh Bruce. No, I did not invent this dialogue). Jess seethes with jealousy and then one of the lace cuffs on sweater (yeah, I know! See B plot!) falls off in her lunch and the embarrassment is just too much and is somehow Sandra’s fault! Grr to Sandra!
Next day, Sandra’s still all that everyone talks about and Jess stews some more. Mrs Arnette makes an announcement about some festival celebrating the founding of Sweet Valley called Sweet Valley Days. She asks the class if they know when Sweet Valley was founded, and Jess hilariously suggests 1492. She’s pwned by Sandra, who gives a detailed, Liz-esque right answer. Bitter bitter bitter. Because apparently Jess cares about schoolwork in this book or something. No no no no, ghostwriter. Didn’t you read that bit at the beginning? Elizabeth is the studious one. They're like night and day, dammit, NIGHT AND DAY! So for Sweet Valley Days the mayor will be giving an address at SVMS and the social studies teachers are selecting someone to introduce him. Plus there’s a class election in each grade for the Citizen of the Year, who will be on the citizenship float in the Sweet Valley Days parade. Jess decides that scoring both things is a great way to get back in the spotlight.
Meanwhile, Sandra’s worried everyone only likes her for her hotness rather than herself, and Liz is annoyingly dense when Sandra’s trying to explain her worries. "Everyone at school likes you. Why should that change?" And Sandra’s convinced that introducing the mayor will somehow mean she’s totally accepted, and gets Liz to agree to nominate her instead of Jess. Dun dun duuuun. Some more awkward Steven/Sandra, which is still stupid.
Jess doesn’t take Liz’s defection as badly as you’d think. There’s some angry pencil throwing, but not at Liz (sadly), just at the situation in general. She relents because she doesn’t think Sandra will win anyway. "But if you ask me, she’s a schemer," Jessica said. "She wants all the attention for herself, and she’ll do anything to get it." Hello, kettle? This is Jessica Wakefield. You’re a schemer! "Where did you get such a crazy idea?" asks Liz. I wonder indeed.
Sandra is chosen to intro the mayor. In her delirious joy, she decides it would be fun to run for sixth grade citizen of the year as well! Jess is livid. "I, like, invented her!" she seethes, munching on a Calteen bar. Jessica tries to make herself look like a good citizen by publicly doing things like offering to clean the blackboard, donating money to a literacy program and such but Sandra hilariously one ups her everytime. She doesn’t give a hoot about the literacy program, [Jessica] thought angrily. She just wants to show me up! Hello, kettle? This is Jessica Wakefi... yeah, I can only use that joke so many times.
To prove she’s an awesome citizen, Jess tries valiantly to come up with an idea to raise money for a bookmobile thingy. Steven ends up telling her about the SVH seniors making a commemorative booklet and selling ads to raise moneys for the prom, which Jess thinks is an awesome idea. At school, she tells Liz all about it (who’s waiting for Sandra). Meanwhile, Sandra’s hiding behind a nearby tree (waiting for Jess to leave) and overhears something about the bookmobile and selling ads. And Sandra gets a totally awesome idea! Her sister who goes to SVH once told her that the seniors... yeah, it’s the same as Jess’ idea. So Sandra tears off to Mrs Arnette to tell her her brilliant idea. Jess shows up about five minutes too late. Poor, poor Jess. Jess and Liz confront Sandra by the lockers.
Jess: You stole my idea!!
Sandra: Why are you so mean to me? I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we could all eat it and be happy -
Jess: YOU STOLE MY IDEA!!
Sandra: Booohoooo, whyyyy are you so mean to me? Now I will put all my effort into winning this election over you!
Sandra introduces the mayor and announces the booklet idea and everyone loves her for it. I don’t get why they’re all so keen for this fundraiser, but who am I to question the ways of SV? Sandra rocks the election and wins, with Jess in second. She heads to the Wakefields’ after school to try and make it up, ends up talking to Steven who kickstarts a thought process which leads to "oh crap, I think I DID accidently steal Jess’ idea! I suck!" So on the day of the parade, Sandra calls in sick and heads to the Wakefield house to apologise and tell Jess to ride in the float. Kimberly and Janet are the 7th and 8th grade winners so it’s an all-Unicorn float. And we all lived happily ever after. Oh, and Jess lets Sandra take credit for the booklet because Sandra’s done a buttload of work on it since its announcement.
B plot
Jessica fancies herself a fashion designer. Her stellar ideas include gold spangles on her gym uniform, "purple cotton pants with elastic at the ankles" (hot), and (she actually carries this one out) sewing a lace collar and cuffs onto an angora sweater. Because nothing screams most popular girl in school like a lace collar. She’s pretty crap at it - her lace cuffs are loose and one falls off in her food at lunch. But the book is punctuated by Jessica daydreaming about how awesome she’d look in something she made herself, usually while doing something supposedly awesome like introducing the mayor.
So she decides to make a pioneer dress for the citizenship float, and the dress also sucks. And after Sandra’s apparent treachery she doesn’t put a whole lot of effort in. So she ends up on the float in a crappy dress, with the hem held up with masking tape. Somehow, this doesn’t bother her in the slightest. What did this ghostwriter DO to Jessica? Caring about sounding smart in class? Not caring about how she looks in front of a large crowd of people? No! No no no!
And at the end of the day she chucks her dress in the bin, along with her hopes and ambitions of being a fashion designer. And she switches her focus to acting, leading into the teaser for Jessica on Stage.
And about halfway through the book, Caroline randomly foreshadows the coming of the East German Gymnasts. The Unicorns discuss it for a paragraph and it is never spoken of again in this book.
I think Mickey's Bad Idea might have been a tad more entertaining. This book isn't the most fun of SVT books, despite the magic makeover. Sad!