Sweet Valley High #39: Secret Admirer
In a stunning first, a Sweet Valley High book stars a girl who is independent, dateless and loving it!
Yeah, right.
Get ready for "I need male validation!!11!!"
P.S. Only the red headband is accurate to Penny Ayala on this cover. She actually wore a short skirt and colorful shirt, not the weird brown-paper sack skirt. But this scene happened! There's a book about the Monkees (band) in the background. Lolz.
Thnx to Mad Tea Party at Dreamhosters for the image.
We open in the ORACLE office. Liz is worried because she can't think of anything to write. Penny Ayala, an editor, warns her that she can't bail Liz out or Liz will have to leave the paper. (Yeah, right. Since when is a Wakefield ever made to face the consequences of something?) So Liz writes about Julie Porter's piano recital, the Droid's gig at some place called the Hot Potato (!!) where they sang a "popular new song" called 'Put on Your Dancing Shoes'. WTF? It sounds like a 40's swing tune...and Roger Patman placed second in some race. How the crap Liz is so 'gifted' though is beyond me. "Her" writing style is choppy and sounds like any high school newspaper.
Jessica bursts in. Did you know that the twins are model-slim, have sun-streaked blonde hair, Pacific blue eyes, and are tanned from hours of jogging, tennis, and swimming? (And that they'll get skin cancer later?) So, Jessica dumps dinner responsibilities on Liz again. Doormat time! Then the first flood of personal ads, the new addition to the ORACLE, comes in.
Lynne Henry, Penny, and Liz pore over the ads. Penny asks Liz if she'll check the ads out. No, Liz has Jeffrey French! How dare Penny suggest that she'd cheat, faithful Liz? Liz returns the favor and asks Penny if she's going to the 40's Night Spring Fling dance. Penny gets embarassed. "For some reason, Penny didn't date anyone, even on a casual basis. Liz had often wondered...but put it up to Penny's academic schedule." No, that's a real quote. My god, Liz even butts in without butting in! No girl who's friends with Liz can be dateless without Liz wondering why!
Mr. Collins comes in and sits on a table and watches the girls. He says that he's taking Nora Dalton to the dance and that he wants the "ladies" (Liz, Penny, etc.) to come--he plans on "jitterbugging with [them]". Wow, the legal adult teacher is going to be dancing with sixteen-year-olds. Creepy.
Next on Dateline Tuesday.... ;)
After Mr. Collins leaves, Liz asks Penny if she's going to the dance. Pen commits the ultimate sin and says No. Liz tells her--literally--to "lighten up around boys". Penny says that she doesn't need boys and she's too smart and studious for them. But Liz thinks that Penny's hiding something! Because a teen girl's life is hopeless, incomplete without boys. This book makes me totally sick. Some ppl say that books don't REALLY influence people, but fairy tales about damsels in distress actually did teach girls to be polite and sweet and dream about guys saving them...meanwhile, Meg Murry of A WRINKLE IN TIME taught me to be happy with myself. Anyhoo...
In the next chapter, Jessica and Lila are at the beach, getting melanoma while whining about how all the available guys are gone and they need more action. Then they decide--have a contest! Advertise in the ORACLE and since Steven reads the high school newspaper, college guys might read it too! Whoever has the hottest date wins!
Meanwhile, Liz's gang is at the beach too. They are working on ORACLE stuff when Enid and Hugh Grayson, her BF of course, come by. Penny gets all embarassed and says she hates being a fifth wheel--so she leaves. Because a single girl can't have fun around couples. Liz develops her pity look and Jeffrey praises her for being so caring! Liz literally wishes aloud that she could help Penny. That's right, girls. Help her because she has no boyfriend!!!Then Liz gets a brilliant idea, and before you know it, she's conned convinced Penny to put out an ad. It's really corny. Pen says she's a hunchback who wants a guy with an Australian theology (??) degree who speaks Urdu. Somehow, everyone thinks that is brilliantly funny...
In Chapter the Third, everyone at school is going wild over the personals. When speaking of dates, Cara tells Jessica that she's planning on breaking up Brugina (Bruce Patman + Regina Morrow), setting the stage not-so-subtly for the Brugina Angst book that leads to Tragically Dead Regina. In the meantime, Lynne has a horrible thought as she goes over the ORACLE personals. What if....hmm...someone is deliberately hurt through the ads? Real subtle, ghosties. Liz hastily answers, no! No way an ORACLE idea could fail! And....*gasp*...Penny's gotten a reply, chock full of stupid hunchback\Australian\Urdu jokes. He sounds so brilliantly funny that Pen replies. Maybe now she'll be a Real Girl and have a boyfriend!
By Ch. 4, we're back at Casa Wakefield. Yay for nuclear families. Alice--did you know she's sometimes mistaken for the twins' older sister???--asks Jess if she did dishes. Jess is all "No fucking way! I set the table!" Oh yeah, putting out disheis really hard. Alices says "what about Prince Albert's walk?"and Jess is all "Liz said she'd do it for me, mother. I'm going to do homework with Lila." Of course, Alice doesn't hold Jess responsible. My sister was never held responsible for chores, and ended up getting people to do things for her. She almost got into a bad situation from her spoiledness. Anyway, Jessica says she's only going to do homework. Lie. Lila and Jessica go over the replies to their personals and Jess agrees to meet 'Paolo', who sounds sexy and mature! She's soon getting ready to go out with Paolo. That was fast. Liz warns her about college guys, since the others were jerks. Jess flips her off and Liz writes in her diary about how WORRIED she is that Penny's going to run into a pile of shit because of the personals...no. Really. She writes down about her pity cases! I bet she has a whole journal labeled "People to Help"
Well, Jamie, Penny's date, never shows up at 4:00 in front of the bookstore in the Sweet Valley Mall. She even wore something red so he'd
recognize her. Little does she know that in an earlier scene, Kirk Anderson (written up as a jerky jerk jerk), Neil Freemount and a couple others are heading to the mall, laughing about whether 'the hunchback' will be lame. Or maybe hot! If she's hot, Kirk says, he wants to take advantage of her. Okay, he says he'll meet her, but we all know what he's like, so he'll sex her up if she's hot. Of course it was only Penny Ayala so the guys bailed. Neil feels guilty but won't say anything.
Liz calls Penny, since she was Penny's ride and finds out that Penny took the bus--THE BUS!!!--home. How does she find out? She calls Pen, all ready to find out about the hot date. Penny's all upset and Liz said the standard "it was probably an emergency and he couldn't get to you". Gee, if this were written in cell-phone days...
Another drama unfolds. Paolo is fat! He's sweet and nice and intelligent. But FAT! A tub of lard, according to Jess. Not wanting to be a bitch up front (for some reason) she lets him take her to Tiberino's. Because teen dates are always at fancy Italian places. Not the movies or the Burger King or the bowling alley. These teenagers are WEIRD. Sweet Valley must have some fancy food complex. She gets rid of him soon, though, by pretending she's horribly ill, but that she's bearing it for his sake. So of course Paolo rushes home, and Jess goes in to whine to herself about fat people. No more personals, she thinks--until she remembers the Lila bet and opens a letter from someone who sounds hot and mature and in college!
At the Dairi Burger (Ch. 7), Kirk and some Chad guy are bragging and guffawing about how totally lame Penny is and how totally great their joke was. Neil is called over and Neil practically has a hard-on from being called over by such popular, hip guys. Until he feels guilty! Liz and Enid, having lunch nearby, are sickened to hear Kirk taking joy in Penny's shame. Liz is having a root beer (again). Then Liz has an idea, because she's the only one who can help people and have smart ideas. They'll retaliate against Kirk, and help Penny in spirit.
By Ch. 8, Neil is feeling awful. In English class, he feels like crap as Penny struggles to answer questions about Huck Finn. Neil likes to read to. He doesn't go to Mr. Collins for advice, but he writes a letter from 'Jamie' and leaves it for Penny (without her seeing him of course). He apologizes for not getting to her. There was an emergency. He asks her to meet him at the Dairi Burger at 4:00. As stupid as Sweet Valley's must-have-a-BF attitude is, I still think this is kinda sweet.
Penny, unaware of the letter, is feeling down because of the Jamie situation. She thinks she should forget about dating and ruefully wonders if she really needs a social life. Because Rule #1000000 in Sweet Valley is, you can only have a fulfilling social life if you have a date.
At the Dairi Burger, Liz and Enid are looking at a fashion magazine. Liz brags loudly about how her hot cousin, Erica Hall, is coming to the Valley. She's so hot, she's in the very fashion magazine Liz is reading! Of course, Erica isn't really Liz's cousin, but when Kirk starts listening, Liz lays it on thick. Kirk begs her to send his picture to Erica and gives a picture of himself winning a tennis game, in the ORACLE. Liz agrees, but warns that Erica's picky, but Kirk's smug and confident.
In Chapter 9 (I name the chapters only for my own sake) Jessica goes out with John Kruger. He's in college, so he's sophisticated and handsome. Even though he doesn't kiss her on the first date, Jessica plans to change that. She proclaims to herself that she is in love (AGAIN. The L word!)
Neil is waiting to meet Pen at the Dairi Burger. Kirk finds out he's meeting her, but Neil stands up to him. Aww. Neil fesses up to Penny and after much angst, she sees he's really sorry, and they live happily ever after.
When Lila and Jess decide to take their dates to a free beach concert, they both end up wearing the same leopard print bikini (funny note: Alice said earlier that she'd like the bikini better "on someone else's daughter" but of course, she doesn't dare set limits on what Jess wears). And their dates are both named John! Then they join a crowd of girls around John K. They are all clamoring that they each thought they had something special with John. Li and Jess are aghast! With his pretty girlfriend on his arm, John explains why he cut dates short to study--the girls were part of his sociology study! About what girls respond to and why. And he asked every girl tons of semi-personal questions, which Jessica took to mean he wanted to do her was in lurve with her. I'm sorry, but I think John's study is funny. I guess I'm a jerk.
Well, by dance time, Kirk gets 'stood up' and huffs off, Jessica and Lila have college boyfriends, and Penny is happy! Her life is so much richer with a guy in it. And Mr. Collins wants to cut in and dance with Penny. Neil's all WTF? And Mr. Collins makes all the girls he likes promise to dance with him later. *eye twitch*
We have it all here, a gem of a SVH book. A dance, slutty and bitchy Jessica, very busybody Liz, creeepy Mr. Collins, and the 'dateless=lame' storyline. This ought to be issued as a Limited Edition, with gold-edged pages. Argh.
Yeah, right.
Get ready for "I need male validation!!11!!"
P.S. Only the red headband is accurate to Penny Ayala on this cover. She actually wore a short skirt and colorful shirt, not the weird brown-paper sack skirt. But this scene happened! There's a book about the Monkees (band) in the background. Lolz.
Thnx to Mad Tea Party at Dreamhosters for the image.
We open in the ORACLE office. Liz is worried because she can't think of anything to write. Penny Ayala, an editor, warns her that she can't bail Liz out or Liz will have to leave the paper. (Yeah, right. Since when is a Wakefield ever made to face the consequences of something?) So Liz writes about Julie Porter's piano recital, the Droid's gig at some place called the Hot Potato (!!) where they sang a "popular new song" called 'Put on Your Dancing Shoes'. WTF? It sounds like a 40's swing tune...and Roger Patman placed second in some race. How the crap Liz is so 'gifted' though is beyond me. "Her" writing style is choppy and sounds like any high school newspaper.
Jessica bursts in. Did you know that the twins are model-slim, have sun-streaked blonde hair, Pacific blue eyes, and are tanned from hours of jogging, tennis, and swimming? (And that they'll get skin cancer later?) So, Jessica dumps dinner responsibilities on Liz again. Doormat time! Then the first flood of personal ads, the new addition to the ORACLE, comes in.
Lynne Henry, Penny, and Liz pore over the ads. Penny asks Liz if she'll check the ads out. No, Liz has Jeffrey French! How dare Penny suggest that she'd cheat, faithful Liz? Liz returns the favor and asks Penny if she's going to the 40's Night Spring Fling dance. Penny gets embarassed. "For some reason, Penny didn't date anyone, even on a casual basis. Liz had often wondered...but put it up to Penny's academic schedule." No, that's a real quote. My god, Liz even butts in without butting in! No girl who's friends with Liz can be dateless without Liz wondering why!
Mr. Collins comes in and sits on a table and watches the girls. He says that he's taking Nora Dalton to the dance and that he wants the "ladies" (Liz, Penny, etc.) to come--he plans on "jitterbugging with [them]". Wow, the legal adult teacher is going to be dancing with sixteen-year-olds. Creepy.
Next on Dateline Tuesday.... ;)
After Mr. Collins leaves, Liz asks Penny if she's going to the dance. Pen commits the ultimate sin and says No. Liz tells her--literally--to "lighten up around boys". Penny says that she doesn't need boys and she's too smart and studious for them. But Liz thinks that Penny's hiding something! Because a teen girl's life is hopeless, incomplete without boys. This book makes me totally sick. Some ppl say that books don't REALLY influence people, but fairy tales about damsels in distress actually did teach girls to be polite and sweet and dream about guys saving them...meanwhile, Meg Murry of A WRINKLE IN TIME taught me to be happy with myself. Anyhoo...
In the next chapter, Jessica and Lila are at the beach, getting melanoma while whining about how all the available guys are gone and they need more action. Then they decide--have a contest! Advertise in the ORACLE and since Steven reads the high school newspaper, college guys might read it too! Whoever has the hottest date wins!
Meanwhile, Liz's gang is at the beach too. They are working on ORACLE stuff when Enid and Hugh Grayson, her BF of course, come by. Penny gets all embarassed and says she hates being a fifth wheel--so she leaves. Because a single girl can't have fun around couples. Liz develops her pity look and Jeffrey praises her for being so caring! Liz literally wishes aloud that she could help Penny. That's right, girls. Help her because she has no boyfriend!!!Then Liz gets a brilliant idea, and before you know it, she's conned convinced Penny to put out an ad. It's really corny. Pen says she's a hunchback who wants a guy with an Australian theology (??) degree who speaks Urdu. Somehow, everyone thinks that is brilliantly funny...
In Chapter the Third, everyone at school is going wild over the personals. When speaking of dates, Cara tells Jessica that she's planning on breaking up Brugina (Bruce Patman + Regina Morrow), setting the stage not-so-subtly for the Brugina Angst book that leads to Tragically Dead Regina. In the meantime, Lynne has a horrible thought as she goes over the ORACLE personals. What if....hmm...someone is deliberately hurt through the ads? Real subtle, ghosties. Liz hastily answers, no! No way an ORACLE idea could fail! And....*gasp*...Penny's gotten a reply, chock full of stupid hunchback\Australian\Urdu jokes. He sounds so brilliantly funny that Pen replies. Maybe now she'll be a Real Girl and have a boyfriend!
By Ch. 4, we're back at Casa Wakefield. Yay for nuclear families. Alice--did you know she's sometimes mistaken for the twins' older sister???--asks Jess if she did dishes. Jess is all "No fucking way! I set the table!" Oh yeah, putting out disheis really hard. Alices says "what about Prince Albert's walk?"and Jess is all "Liz said she'd do it for me, mother. I'm going to do homework with Lila." Of course, Alice doesn't hold Jess responsible. My sister was never held responsible for chores, and ended up getting people to do things for her. She almost got into a bad situation from her spoiledness. Anyway, Jessica says she's only going to do homework. Lie. Lila and Jessica go over the replies to their personals and Jess agrees to meet 'Paolo', who sounds sexy and mature! She's soon getting ready to go out with Paolo. That was fast. Liz warns her about college guys, since the others were jerks. Jess flips her off and Liz writes in her diary about how WORRIED she is that Penny's going to run into a pile of shit because of the personals...no. Really. She writes down about her pity cases! I bet she has a whole journal labeled "People to Help"
Well, Jamie, Penny's date, never shows up at 4:00 in front of the bookstore in the Sweet Valley Mall. She even wore something red so he'd
recognize her. Little does she know that in an earlier scene, Kirk Anderson (written up as a jerky jerk jerk), Neil Freemount and a couple others are heading to the mall, laughing about whether 'the hunchback' will be lame. Or maybe hot! If she's hot, Kirk says, he wants to take advantage of her. Okay, he says he'll meet her, but we all know what he's like, so he'll sex her up if she's hot. Of course it was only Penny Ayala so the guys bailed. Neil feels guilty but won't say anything.
Liz calls Penny, since she was Penny's ride and finds out that Penny took the bus--THE BUS!!!--home. How does she find out? She calls Pen, all ready to find out about the hot date. Penny's all upset and Liz said the standard "it was probably an emergency and he couldn't get to you". Gee, if this were written in cell-phone days...
Another drama unfolds. Paolo is fat! He's sweet and nice and intelligent. But FAT! A tub of lard, according to Jess. Not wanting to be a bitch up front (for some reason) she lets him take her to Tiberino's. Because teen dates are always at fancy Italian places. Not the movies or the Burger King or the bowling alley. These teenagers are WEIRD. Sweet Valley must have some fancy food complex. She gets rid of him soon, though, by pretending she's horribly ill, but that she's bearing it for his sake. So of course Paolo rushes home, and Jess goes in to whine to herself about fat people. No more personals, she thinks--until she remembers the Lila bet and opens a letter from someone who sounds hot and mature and in college!
At the Dairi Burger (Ch. 7), Kirk and some Chad guy are bragging and guffawing about how totally lame Penny is and how totally great their joke was. Neil is called over and Neil practically has a hard-on from being called over by such popular, hip guys. Until he feels guilty! Liz and Enid, having lunch nearby, are sickened to hear Kirk taking joy in Penny's shame. Liz is having a root beer (again). Then Liz has an idea, because she's the only one who can help people and have smart ideas. They'll retaliate against Kirk, and help Penny in spirit.
By Ch. 8, Neil is feeling awful. In English class, he feels like crap as Penny struggles to answer questions about Huck Finn. Neil likes to read to. He doesn't go to Mr. Collins for advice, but he writes a letter from 'Jamie' and leaves it for Penny (without her seeing him of course). He apologizes for not getting to her. There was an emergency. He asks her to meet him at the Dairi Burger at 4:00. As stupid as Sweet Valley's must-have-a-BF attitude is, I still think this is kinda sweet.
Penny, unaware of the letter, is feeling down because of the Jamie situation. She thinks she should forget about dating and ruefully wonders if she really needs a social life. Because Rule #1000000 in Sweet Valley is, you can only have a fulfilling social life if you have a date.
At the Dairi Burger, Liz and Enid are looking at a fashion magazine. Liz brags loudly about how her hot cousin, Erica Hall, is coming to the Valley. She's so hot, she's in the very fashion magazine Liz is reading! Of course, Erica isn't really Liz's cousin, but when Kirk starts listening, Liz lays it on thick. Kirk begs her to send his picture to Erica and gives a picture of himself winning a tennis game, in the ORACLE. Liz agrees, but warns that Erica's picky, but Kirk's smug and confident.
In Chapter 9 (I name the chapters only for my own sake) Jessica goes out with John Kruger. He's in college, so he's sophisticated and handsome. Even though he doesn't kiss her on the first date, Jessica plans to change that. She proclaims to herself that she is in love (AGAIN. The L word!)
Neil is waiting to meet Pen at the Dairi Burger. Kirk finds out he's meeting her, but Neil stands up to him. Aww. Neil fesses up to Penny and after much angst, she sees he's really sorry, and they live happily ever after.
When Lila and Jess decide to take their dates to a free beach concert, they both end up wearing the same leopard print bikini (funny note: Alice said earlier that she'd like the bikini better "on someone else's daughter" but of course, she doesn't dare set limits on what Jess wears). And their dates are both named John! Then they join a crowd of girls around John K. They are all clamoring that they each thought they had something special with John. Li and Jess are aghast! With his pretty girlfriend on his arm, John explains why he cut dates short to study--the girls were part of his sociology study! About what girls respond to and why. And he asked every girl tons of semi-personal questions, which Jessica took to mean he wanted to do her was in lurve with her. I'm sorry, but I think John's study is funny. I guess I'm a jerk.
Well, by dance time, Kirk gets 'stood up' and huffs off, Jessica and Lila have college boyfriends, and Penny is happy! Her life is so much richer with a guy in it. And Mr. Collins wants to cut in and dance with Penny. Neil's all WTF? And Mr. Collins makes all the girls he likes promise to dance with him later. *eye twitch*
We have it all here, a gem of a SVH book. A dance, slutty and bitchy Jessica, very busybody Liz, creeepy Mr. Collins, and the 'dateless=lame' storyline. This ought to be issued as a Limited Edition, with gold-edged pages. Argh.