The Unicorn Club #14 Lila on the Loose
Between the cover photo, the title and an incident at Casey’s, my dirty mind was going 137 different kinds of crazy.
On the back cover we get a blurb from Lila. This book is all from Lila’s POV. So, yay.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: Lila Fowler has it all. And I admit, I am the most beautiful and popular person I know. (Ignore my friends in the Unicorn Club when they say the same thing about themselves. They are so competitive.)And I’m the only daughter of George Fowler, the richest man in Sweet Valley. Daddy gives me absolutely everything I want.
Well, almost everything. Sometimes I think I could buy a whole department store of clothes with Daddy’s credit card or throw the craziest party in town, and he would be too busy to care. In fact, my father probably wouldn’t even notice. Maybe it’s time I test him to see just how far I can go…
Lila has even signed the back for us.
Lila has even signed the back for us.
This book is dedicated to Benson Baker Bobrick. Poor boy, not only does he get saddled with that name, but he gets a dedication in a girl’s book. I can see him in therapy.
BBB. Oh man I got a dedication in a Sweet Valley book.
Therapist. Oh you poor thing, which one?
BBB. Lila on the Loose.
Therapist. Are you kidding me? You’re complaining about being in a book about the awesome Lila Fowler? You should be proud, proud I tells ya!
OK on to the story.
Lila and Jessica are in a hair salon. Lila got an A on a math test and her father is taking her out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate.
Lila is all excited and Jessica has to keep reminding her to sit still or else get her ear cut off. The hair stylist, Gina, sucks up to Lila a lot. Asking her what High School she goes to and acts all disbelieving when Jessica informs her that Lila is in 7th grade. Gina earns herself a very big tip.
Jessica can’t understand why Lila is getting her hair done just for dinner with her dad. Neither can I. Lila is also getting a facial, and has bought a new dress for the occasion.
Lila sits back and thinks about her dad. He works hard and is super rich. He doesn’t always have time for her, but he works to provide her with everything she wants. Lila is jealous of her friend’s relationships with their parents. Lila doesn’t have a mother, another reason to envy her friends.
Lila remembers a dance her father and she used to do when she was younger. The Salty Dog Rag. They would dance around the ballroom. Ah, memories.
After leaving Gina a ‘superhumongous’ tip, Lila and Jessica head to Casey’s for ice-cream.
Lila doesn’t want to ruin her appetite for Chez Francois so she orders a low fat vanilla milkshake. Jessica is having meat loaf for dinner, so she orders a double fudge sundae with extra nuts.
While at Casey’s Lila continues to go on and on about the special dinner she is having with her father. Jessica can’t see what the big deal is. She actually says “I eat dinner with my dad just about every night, and I don’t get my hair done for the occasion.” Just before I remind Jessica that Lila doesn’t eat dinner with her father every night, Lila does it for me.
Lila understands why Jess doesn’t get it. Her dad’s a lawyer and doesn’t work as hard as my dad does. Lila, you just said a mouthful. Also, Jess has a twin sister, an older brother and a mom. So she always has a family to eat with. I feel very sorry for Lila. She reminds herself that Jess has probably never had a special dinner at a fancy restaurant with her dad. Even when she is being a snob in this book I feel sorry for her.
Lila regrets ordering the low fat milkshake when she sees Jess devouring her double fudge sundae. She tries sending thought waves to get Jess to offer her some. Jess doesn’t offer the sundae, but she does point out that Jimmy Lancer is there with some friends. Jimmy goes to Sweet Valley High and is on the Soccer team. A few weeks earlier, Lila told the Unicorns that she went on a date with Jimmy.
It’s total BS. She introduced herself to him, once, and he said 'hi.'
Jess goads Lila into going over to say hello. So of course, Lila has to. She walks over to Jimmy’s table and stands around being ignored for a couple of minutes. Eventually she gives a little cough, then a louder cough. Then she lunges at the table. Lila tries to flirt a bit and ends up making a dick out of her self.
Looking into Jimmy’s eyes makes Lila a little dizzy, so she puts her hand on the table for support. Only it’s not the table, its Jimmy’s banana split. Lila looks down at the mushy mess all over her hand and feels stupid. The boys all tease her except for Jimmy. He wipes Lila's hand with a napkin. What a gentleman.
Finally, Lila is at Chez Francois. There are pictures on the wall of Francois, the head chef, shaking hands with famous people. Presidents, movie stars and even Mr. Fowler. There are no pictures of Johnny Buck, though. Lila guesses that the Buckster doesn’t care for French food. Do they always call him the Buckster?
Lila has been waiting for her dad for 45 minutes. Her dad didn’t leave a message with the restaurant saying her would be late, and Lila can feel every one staring at her.
She fantasizes that she and Jimmy are having dinner. He makes a toast calling her ‘the most beautiful girl in Sweet Valley Middle school’. Yuck.
A waiter comes up and asks “Pair-haps I may take your or-dair” I want Lila to order Chow-dair. Lila gets pretty snappy with the waiter and threatens to have him fired if he bothers her again. No one wants to be bothered by wait staff at restaurants.
Lila worries that her dad may have been in an accident. He could be in a coma, and - wake up acting like Jessica. Lila freaks for a little until a waiter bothers tells her Mr. Fowler called to say he has been delayed by an er-zhant business meeting.
Lila feels sorry for her self and looks around at all the other people not eating alone. She is especially jealous of a family sitting near the kitchen. Poor Lila, that family should have been her and her dad.
Lila orders one of everything off the menu and takes it all home in doggy bags. Ooh I hope she got the chow-dair.
She lays all the food out on the table at home and waits for daddy. At one in the morning Mrs. Pervis, the house keeper, comes down to inform Lila that Mr. Fowler is flying out to New York on business. Lila finally gives up and goes to bed.
The next day at the Unicorner, Lila tells all the Unicorns how wonderful her dinner was. Daddy even had the chef make a cake in the shape of an A with Congratulations Lila written in green icing. She quickly changes it to purple when Kimberly asks why it was green. Ellen asks why it was an A when Unicorn starts with a U. Fuck off Ellen. It’s about Lila’s A not the Unicorns. Lila says the same thing. Minus the fuck off part, of course.
The other girls all talk about how their dads tried making cakes. Ellen’s dad is taking a gourmet cooking class. He made a cake from one of those Asian countries. “Albania, or something.” Says Ellen. “Albania is in Europe.” Many told her. “It is? Oh well it tasted OK anyway.” Oh Ellen.
Lila attempts to change the subject by talking about having a party. Apparently it’s been months since the Unicorns threw a party. Lila decides Saturday night would be the best time (as her father will be out of town) and the other Unicorns agree.
Then Caroline Pearce comes over to ask Lila how dinner at Chez Chow-dair was. Lila says it was great and tries to escape, but Caroline spills the beans. Turns out she was part of the family sitting near the kitchen. Oh crap. Lila tries to cover by saying her dad turned up after Caroline left but no one believes her. Poor Lila.
Later on at the day care centre, Ellie is telling Lila how her family is going to dinner at the Dairy Burger. Ellie is very excited. Lila is jealous that Ellie has a family that takes her out, even if the only restaurant they can afford is the Dairy Burger. Yes, I still feel sorry for you Lila.
The twins tell Lila that they will be playing Pictionary after dinner. Elizabeth invites Lila to join them and Lila would love to thank you very much. Elizabeth really should have asked her mother if it was ok first. My mum hated it when we brought friends home unannounced for dinner. Oh wait, it’s the Wakefields. What was I thinking?
Lila is astonished at how noisy dinner time at the Wakefield’s is. So am I. Steven says ‘Pass the chicken’ with his mouth full. Mrs. W. tells him to say please. Not, “don’t talk with your mouth full you little shit.”
The kids argue and tease all through dinner and the parents just sit back and do nothing. My kids would never, ever behave like that at my house. I have a 10year old, an 8 year old, and a two year old for cripes sake.
There is a fight over whose turn it is to clean up. To stop the fight, and get to Pictionary, Lila offers to clear away the dishes. If that was my house, I would send all the kids in to the lounge and clean up my self. Company doesn’t do the dishes. But then, I don’t live in Sweet Valley. Let me take a minute to sit here and shake my head. So, Lila clears up and Wakefields just sit back, watch, and tell Lila how to do it properly. Give the girl a break; she’s never washed a dish in her life.
Lila has an awesome time playing Pictionary. She is on Steven’s team and he picks on her bad drawing skills. Lila fantasizes about how wonderful it would be to have a big brother. Funny, I use to fantasize about how wonderful it would be to have no brothers at all.
The next morning, Lila comes down to breakfast to find her Father in the dining room. He’s too busy reading his paper to apologize for missing dinner. Lila calls him on it and he kind of brushes it off as no big deal. He does tell her that he is proud of her for getting an A in Science. Lila tells him it was in Math and he’s all yeah whatever. Cough prick cough.
Lila tries to start up a conversation, but Mr. F. just gives her $100 and tells her to buy her self something pretty.
At the Unicorner the girls are talking about the party. They’re worried about where to have it and how to pay for it. Lila suggests her house and offers to pay for everything as well.
After school Lila wants to hit the mall to spend the $100 her dad gave her. All the other girls have plans with their parents. Yeah, just keep rubbing it in Lila’s face ghost writer.
So Lila sadly goes to the mall alone. She bumps into Jimmy in Totally Hip. The store that is so hip, it’s name doesn’t even tell you what it sells. Jimmy is looking at CDs for some punk band and is all sad that he can’t afford to buy any. Lila offers to buy a CD for him. Jimmy does the expected ‘Oh but I can’t let you do that’ before giving in. Lila ends up spending all the money on CDs for Jimmy. Oh Lila.
Dinner time at the Fowlers and Lila is trying to start a conversation with her dad. He’s more interested in his work papers and spends a lot of time talking on his cell phone.
Lila tries telling him about Jimmy. She mentions that Mr. F. might not approve of him and Mr. F. tells Lila he trust her judgment. She’s 13 dude, I would trust a 13 year old to pick an appropriate movie.
At lunch Lila tells all the Unicorns that she has been out with Jimmy a few times. Of course they don’t believe her. She tells them that she has a date with Jimmy that Friday. At Chez Francois.
She calls Jimmy that night and asks him. It’s not until she tells him she’s paying that he says yes.
The next day Lila is telling the others about her date until Ellen demands that everyone talk about the party instead. No one attends class in this book. They all go to school to have lunch. Strange.
Lila worries a bit about the party. She hasn’t told her dad about it and hopes he doesn’t come home from his business trip early.
The next morning at breakfast, Lila asks her dad if they can go to the mall together after school. Mr. F. is playing golf and won’t be able to go to the mall, so he gives Lila some credit cards and tells her to go buy her self a treat. Most of this book seems to be centered around people eating. Maybe the ghosty was hungry that day.
Lila, Jessica and Ellen hit the mall. Lila buys four bathing suits for $534.98. Holy cow! Two are so skimpy, she wont even wear them.
The sales lady gets a warning on the card. It has reached it’s daily limit. Lila tells her to override it. The sales lady won’t do it, until Lila pulls the old ‘Do you know who I am?’
The bag of swim suits gets added to the pile of bags that Jessica is carrying. Included is $300 worth of skin care products, (for a 13 year old?) and $600 worth of sports gear. Oh my. Lila feels a little guilty, but figures this spending spree will get her fathers attention. She even buys a hand painted tea leaf box. Yep, every one needs one of those.
Lila goes crazy buying stuff she’ll never use, or wear. Some shoes and clothes don’t even fit. When she is trying to buy expensive unicorn necklaces for all the Unicorns, the clerk tells Lila she’s reached her limit on the card. $75,000. $75,000! Oh My God, Janice. Ellen and Jessica must have very good arm muscles. Lila casually puts another card on the counter and says “No problem.’
Dinner. Again. At chez Francois with Jimmy Lancer. Lila doesn’t tell us what Jimmy ordered. Damn, I was hoping it was chow-dair. That’s the last time I make that joke, I promise.
Lila gives Jimmy a very expensive sports watch as a gift. Jimmy puts on the watch and kisses Lila’s cheek. Then Jimmy decides to pretend to refuse the watch and lets Lila talk him in to accepting it. This guy sure is smooth.
After dinner, the pair goes for a walk on the beach, and Lila tells Jimmy about her party. Jimmy asks if he can bring some friends. Lila says, “Hey, bring the whole school if you want!” Ah, our good friend foreshadowing, where would we be with out you?
Poor Lila is struggling with her homework. Well that’s twice now that school work has been mentioned in this book.
The topic for the essay is: What My Family Means To Me.
Well, let’s see. I have a dad that’s never home and never pays attention to me when he is home, like now, and a mom who ran off the first time she saw me. Hugs for Lila.
While Lila is struggling with her homework, Jimmy calls. He wants to thank Mr. F. for dinner. Lila rushes in to her fathers study to tell him that her boyfriend is on the phone. He older boyfriend, who is in high school. He wants to say thanks for the incredibly expensive dinner. Lila waits for her dad to go ballistic. What does Mr. F. say? “That’s nice.” “Tell him I said hello.” Wow, the ghost writer really wants us to know what a bad father Mr. Fowler is.
Finally it’s Saturday, the day of the party.
Lila is at Jessica’s. Daddy Fowler is out of the picture but Mrs. Pervis the house keeper is still around. Jess is going to call Mrs. Pervis, pretending to be Mr. Fowler’s sexytary.
Hi Mrs. P, this is Mr. Fowler's Secretary. That’s right Mrs. Grassi.” She keeps calling her Mrs. P and starts calling Mr. Fowler, Mr. F. Turns out there is a change of plans. Mr. Fowler wants Lila to join him in Greece. What part of Greece? Why Rome of course. Jess fumbles her way through the phone call and finally gets Mrs. P. to take the weekend off. The whole conversation is totally stupid and Mrs. Pervis falls for it because Jessica is a Wakefield and everything they touch turns to gold.
Mrs. Pervis insists that the Fowler limo take Lila to the airport. Ha ha. After the limo leaves the airport Lila has to cash in travelers checks to get the money to pay for a cab back to Fowler Crest.
The party is in full swing and boy do I mean swing. People are climbing out of windows and up on to the roof. Kids are being stupid and eating cookies in the pool. Those kids on the roof, yeah, they’re jumping in the pool. Someone has even rolled a planter into the pool. Tables of food have been trashed, all the drinks are gone and more and more high school kids are showing up. Six car loads so far. Now, these are Sweet Valley High kids, and SVH kids just don’t act like that. At least not in my SVH books they don’t.
Lila is in a panic and just wants to find Jimmy. She looks around and sees a few middle school kids. Maria Slater and Bruce Patman, which gives me the perfect opportunity to say… Hey, Bruce.
I think we should all be allowed at least one Bruce is scared of birds joke.
Anyhoo, Lila finds Jimmy, kissing another girl. Nooooooooooooooo! Poor, poor Lila.
Lila runs off and hides behind a bush in the garden. She sobs her little heart out and feels like no one loves her. So, she decides to eat some worms. She feels a gentle hand on her shoulder. Why who could it possibly be? Saint Elizabeth of course, bloody Hell. Her and Jess saw Lila run off and have come to give her tissues and comfort. Suddenly loud punk music fills the air. Looks like Jimmy brought his CDs along.
Lila has decided that enough is enough and tells every one to leave. They don’t listen to her and start up a mud fight. I had a mud fight once, followed by a water fight. So much fun.
Just when all looks lost, Mr. Fowler comes home early. The mud is sure to hit the fan now.
Mr. Fowler yells at every one to leave and goes inside to check on the house. What about Lila, Mr. F.?
Lila actually says: "Forget the house! You can always get another stupid house! But you can never get another daughter.” You go girl!
Mr. Fowler tells Lila he’ll get to her later; he has a flight to catch. Head, meet desk.
Lila loses it and starts yelling about money not buying love and how he is a terrible father. In fact he is not a father at all. Woo Hoo! She runs outside and climbs a tree.
Lila falls asleep in the tree and has a horrible nightmare. Mr. Fowler is swimming in the ocean in the middle of a thunderstorm. Lila watches helplessly from the shore. Lila wakes up to hear her father calling her.
He was so worried about her. He has canceled his business trip because Lila needs him more than work does.
The next morning Lila comes downstairs to find Mr. F. in the kitchen surrounded by smoke. He tried making muffins.
He grounds Lila for two weeks and she in turn grounds him.Now he will have to spend time with her. They apologize to each other and dance through the house to the Salty Dog Rag. Sweet.
So, all is happy in the land of Fowler. Until Junior year, when Lila shoplifts for attention. The she is almost date raped and Mr. Fowler brings Lila’s mother in to help. Of course both parents go out of the country and the house almost burns down, Lila is almost arrested for arson and almost gets blown up by John Piffle. Then when she is 19 Lila’s husband dies in a Jet Ski accident and Mr. and Mrs. Fowler send her off to college. Wow, parents in Sweet Valley sure do suck.
Now, I haven’t read any Unicorn Club books so I want to know; is it normal to have no description of the twins? There was no ‘identical but different’ mentioned at all. It was very unsettling. No mention of Mandy’s cancer either.
Big thank you to tezmilleroz for sending me this book.