SVH #46 Decisions
The cover: Robin looks like Keanu Reeves in drag. George looks at least fifty years old. They even gave him gray hair, for heavens sake.
The A Plot
(Formerly fat) Robin Wilson has applied and been accepted into Sarah Lawrence College, early admissions. Her wealthy Aunt Fiona will pay for her college education, but only if Robin goes to Sarah Lawrence and only Sarah Lawrence. Sarah Lawrence College is in New York, so right away we know it's undesirable. But then any place that isn't Sweet Valley is undesirable. Anyway, it's some kind of family tradition.
We find out that Aunt Fiona is a brilliant, successful artist, but also domineering and opinionated. She helps the Wilsons financially, but expects them to kiss her ass in exchange. Robin is understandable ambivalent about accepting Fiona's help, but it's the only way she'll be able to afford college. But she'd rather stay in California so she can keep up her diving and study computers. Diving and computers don't exist in New York, I guess.
Robin hasn't told boyfriend George about any of this, because he's soooo sensitive it might hurt his widdle feewings if she so much as mentions the possibility of going away. She's so stressed she's threatening to start EATING AGAIN! Oh noes!
Robin goes out with George and thinks about how much she wuvs him, because of his sensitivity. Then she tries to talk to him about college, but Mr. Sensitive keeps interrupting and telling her she'll go to UCLA, of course. She mentions the cost, but he interrupts again, talking about loans and scholarships and what about that rich aunt of hers? She tries again to tell him, but he keeps interrupting and saying that Fiona can't make decisions for Robin. Robin doormats.
George runs into Liz at the library, and Liz reflects on what a nice guy George is, even though he cheated on her best friend Enid. Liz had found out from Jess about the Sarah Lawrence thing, so she blabs about it to George. Mr. Nice Guy stomps off.
Robin's mom is ecstatic over the prospect of getting the kitchen remodeled, which Fiona will pay for as long as Robin goes to Sarah Lawrence. Robin tries to talk to her mother about her feelings, and Mrs. Wilson calls Robin selfish and immature. Ladies and gentlemen, the Sweet Valley school of parenting.
George shows up and bites Robin's head off for not telling him. Robin cries. Mr. Sensitive says she's not going and that's that. Robin is even more confused because now she thinks she might want to go after all.
For reasons too complicated to get into, Robin blames her friend Annie Whitman for telling George. They break up. Robin is losing her mind.
The regional diving championship is coming up, and Robin's closest competitor is Tracy King, the daughter of her next-door neighbor. Believe it or not, this ends up being important. Robin's diving coach heaps more pressure on Robin, because she obviously needs it.
Aunt Fiona shows up, criticizes Mrs. Wilson’s décor, and brags about how rich she is. I dunno how many artists the ghostwriter knows, but this just isn’t ringing true. A real artist never brags about their success, instead they angst over how they’ve "sold out" and become "hacks," and how the lure of dirty, dirty money is keeping them from "growing" or something.
Fiona also shames Robin for becoming an athlete, snarks at the book Mrs. Wilson is reading, and complains about the next-door neighbor’s tacky carriage boy statue. (A real artist would have pretended to love the statue, and used words like "retro kitsch," and then would have offered to buy it from the neighbor as an "ironic statement.") Anyway, the carriage boy statue also becomes important.
They talk about remodeling the kitchen. Mrs. Wilson wants to have Alice Wakefield design it. Aunt Fiona says “Please! Not a housewife who took a correspondence course in interior decorating!” HA! Okay, Fiona’s starting to sound like an artist now.
Fiona takes the family out to dinner at Cote d’Or. Robin feels sick at the thought of EATING. She finally gets around to telling Aunt Fiona she hasn’t really made up her mind whether or not to go to Sarah Laurence, and the shit hits the fan. Fiona throws a fit, and Robin says she wouldn’t take Fiona’s money if she were starving to death! Except… Robin's always starving to death? Robin runs out and calls George from a pay phone. He comes to pick her up, and says Robin doesn’t have to do what Fiona tells her to do. She just has to do what George tells her to do. Oh-kay.
On the day of the big diving championship, Robin is screwing up all over the place, and neighbor Tracy King is kicking ass. George and Liz watch from the bleachers. George says Robin is depressed because she doesn’t want to go to Sarah Laurence. Liz asks the obvious question, if Robin didn’t want to go, then why did she apply in the first place? George suddenly realizes that he hasn’t really been supporting Robin, he’s just been pressuring her from the other side.
So George goes and explains to Aunt Fiona that Robin might want to go to Sarah Laurence after all, but she just needs more time to make up her mind. George returns to the competition with Fiona and the Wilsons in tow. Robin sees them and suddenly starts diving like an ace! Her high scores start piling up, and as the coach works it out on a calculator, Robin does the math in her head and knows she’s won! She’s eligible for an athletic scholarship!
Robin says that with the scholarship, student loans, and a part-time job, she can afford college on her own. Fiona finally relents and says she’ll pay for Robin’s education anywhere she wants to go. Then we find out the reason Fiona showed up was because she hated that stupid carriage boy statue in the King’s front yard! Badda-bing!
The B Plot
starts with Liz reading her own column and masturbating. Jessica comes over to talk about something, perfect size six, Pacific blue eyes yadda yadda. Jess mentions that she starts her new babysitting job today. She will be looking after the little sister of a music student, Alex Kane. Alex is working on a compostion for his senior thesis, and needs to have somebody to look after his sister while he works. Because in Sweet Valley parents can't be bothered with these things.
The Kanes live in a dollhouse-like cottage on the beach. The little girl, Allison, is an adorable blonde cherub. Alex, the brother, is OMG SO HAWT! Jessica has an orgasm, then starts planning her strategy to bag him. She decides to pretend to love music. Allison plays a recorder. Jess thinks that if a five-year old can learn it, it must be easy.
Jess buys a plastic recorder and an instruction book, but of course she sucks big time. She tells Liz to try it, and Liz plays ONE NOTE and falls instantly in love with the recorder. Just holding it in her hands is fun and exciting! Liz is a born musician! You knew this was coming, didn't you! But Liz doesn't say anything to Jess, because she knows Jess is touchy about Liz outshining her. Which is just as well, because otherwise Liz would turn out to be a recorder virtuoso, and then Jess would have to do the twin-switch thing to snag Alex. Liz starts practicing the recorder in secret.
There is an absolutely pointless scene where Jessica and Lila meet Alex Kane on the beach, worth mentioning only because we are told that, instead of a beach blanket, Lila uses an old red Oriental rug that's so big it takes two boys to carry it.
Lila? Let’s talk. We know you can be a bit over-the-top at times with the look-at-me-I’m-so-rich thing, but the one thing you’re not is eccentric. This rug business is veering dangerously into Jane Seymour territory. Lila, stick to the oversized towel with THE RITZ embroidered on it, okay? Okay.
Things aren't going fast enough, so Jessica starts interrupting Alex while he works. Bad idea. She pretends to faint. This works, because Alex is an idiot. Then he tells her he’ll be leaving at the end of the semester to study at Julliard. No, not NEW YORK! Why must that evil, evil place always be the bane of Sweet Valley’s existence? Jessica doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, so she runs off without a second thought. And that’s the last we hear of Alex Kane.
Liz is still playing the recorder. Jessica catches her at it, but says she doesn’t care. Yay! Liz and her recorder will be together forever, making beeyootiful moosic! Until she finds something else to be brilliant at.
Liz decides to get together with Julie Porter for music lessons, and we get the foreshadowing for the next book, Troublemaker, where Julie has a crush on Bruce Patman. And you know I’m only mentioning this so I can say…
Hey Bruce.
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