SVU #5: A Married Woman
I started this (my first recap!) awhile ago, but couldn't get into it. Sorry if it is a little dull! I've also never posted in a community that uses tags, so it may take me a little bit to work that out. I thought I'd fill in the gap at the beginning of SVU with #5.
Basically, if you've read #4 and #6, you know what goes on this one...nothing new or exciting is revealed, and it doesn't even get interesting or relevant until the end.
The twins look kind of ugly. Although we do get the lovely Liz shoulder pat!
Chapter 1: We start out with Elizabeth dreaming. I'm sure the ghostwriter intended it to be meaningful/symbolic, but really it was just...boring. She dreams that Jessica is sitting on top of a wedding cake (and there is no groom beside her) and she can't get down unless Liz catches the bouquet she throws. Liz misses the bouquet. Oh Liz, even in your dreams you fail. When she wakes up she recounts the events of the previous book for us. (We also get this little snippet, "He [Mike] was a twenty-two-year-old biker, demonically handsome, with lots of money and bad attitude). Demonically handsome? I picture this:
but maybe I've just been watching too much futurama.
I guess at this point Liz still thinks that Mike is the leader of the secret racist society...I can't even bother to snark that.
Also, I've just realized that I kind of love Celine...other than her crazy-racistness. She makes fun of Liz better than I could ever hope to! And her little inner monologues are hilarious. "Don't be silly," she chided herself, "Williams attracted to Elizabeth the way a boa constrictor's attracted to a mouse." She lit a cigarette, exhaling through a slow smile. "In the end, he's going to eat her alive." Why does she never get in trouble for smoking in the dorms? Don't they have smoke detectors? RAs? My love for her does deplete slightly though, I must admit, after this description of her outfit, "...red stretch pants and a gauzy see-through tunic in shades of pink." What is she, a Valentine's Day bear? I should hurry this up. Anyways the rest of the chapter is boring stuff about Tom fretting about Elizabeth and Danny and Isabella (who, by the way, has realized she loves Danny) talking about Tom....blah blah blah...Jessica called out of her shift at the coffee shop and some girl named Molly who works there broke her wrist doing the twist at the dance last night. Really? The twist?
Chapter 2: Liz is telling Nina about Jessica. Liz is so upset she can't eat breakfast! She thinks about how she gained weight (oh no, not the perfect size 6 figure!) but now she was losing it. She says, "Maybe she'd discovered the perfect diet at last: the Your-Sister-Is-Married-to-a-Violent-Criminal-Diet." Now I haven't read many SVU books, but I did read the recaps and I didn't think it ever mentioned him actually being a criminal. Not that being a criminal really seems to bother Liz, as she makes out with William White even after all the shenanigans (like trying to kill her, keeping his dead decaying shrink in the library, etc.) he pulls. Anyways, I wish losing ten pounds really was as simple as getting my sister to date a criminal. Sure beats exercise! There's some more stuff that I don't care too much about, like Todd and Mark getting ready for their interrogation by the school officials. Todd thinks to himself that he's "really good looking" and any mother in America would look at him and think "what a nice boy." Todd, maybe you should think a little bit more about what you're going to say this committee and a little less about what one of their mother's would think, should you start dating them. Mark and Enid are annoying. He yells at her. She cries. Billie is the only rational one so far in this book. Liz tells her that she thinks Mike is the leader of the secret racist society. Billie basically tells Liz that her evidence is shit and makes fun of her.
Chapter 3: Everyone is eating lunch. Tom thinks about William a bit, including calling him "too perfect and too smooth" (which he repeats later on) and talking about how he doesn't like his eyes, because they are demonic and also "hypnotically attractive." Hmm... Jessica and Isabella talk about their love lives, Elizabeth goes on a date with William and tells him her thoughts about Mike being the leader of the secret society. Oh man, she is so dim. William agrees with her. This makes Elizabeth pleased! Then she ponders more about who else could be a leader, and in her pondering makes a reference to Machiavelli. I love Machiavelli! Although, from the extremely vague comments the ghostwriter makes, I'm not really sure they KNEW who Machiavelli was. Oh well, what can you expect?
Chapter 4: So there has been some angsting between Mike and Jessica because Jessica still won't tell people she's married, and Mike is pissed. I would be too! She tells him that she invited her brother and sister to dinner at their house on Friday night. Of course, she hasn't. It's a good thing that Mike and Steven don't live in the same building or anything, or this could come to bite her in the ass. There are some creepy interactions between Mike and Jessica, with her being scared of him and him being an asshole.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth starts wondering about Tom and how she doesn't know anything about him. She's going to go look him up in the library! Why doesn't she just go talk to him? She's a Wakefield, surely she realizes that he MUST be in love with her? I'm so bored by the whole Todd sports thing, I'm not recapping any more of it that goes on in the book. There's a charity ball coming up. Of course there is. William is taking Elizabeth. Jessica wants Mike to take her. Isabella and Danny are going together. Nina and Bryan are going and Bryan is planning some sort of protest/demonstration that involves bringing the children that the charity is giving money to to the ball as his date. He thinks everyone will be shocked and horrified. Probably just William, unless there are other secret racists there too.
Chapter 5: Nothing happens in this chapter. Winston reads women magazines to try to figure out if Denise likes him. Steven and Billie eat dinner together and Steven frets about Jessica and Mike. He asks Billie, "What do you think they do together?" I guess at this point he has already ran into Mike and Mike found out that he knew nothing about the dinner. Obviously. Billie answers, "What do you mean, do? Are you accusing Mike of unnatural sexual practices? Do you think he dresses in a wet suit and makes Jessica massage him with rubber ducks or something?" Wow. That is bizarre!! Steven's face turns red. Of course it does. I'm sure he's thinking back to all the creepy unnatural things he's thought about Jessica over the years.
Tom is wooing Celine in order to get information. Elizabeth is bringing Tom to the dinner at Jessica's. Tom likes Mike.
Chapter six: Winston talks to Elizabeth about his girl problems. Does anyone ever ask anyone other than Elizabeth for advice? Jessica comically tries to cook dinner, fails, Mike is surprisingly not mad, they order take out anyways but pass it off as their own cooking. Tom and Mike talk to each other all throughout dinner, they love each other, both hate William. Elizabeth wonders if she likes Tom. Why doesn't Elizabeth cheat on William ever? It figures she's loyal to the psychos.
Chapter 7:
Mike cooks Jessica breakfast, acts like a nervous teenage girl and asks Jessica what Elizabeth thought of him. I keep wanting to like Mike, but I know he goes nuts at the end of this book, so it's hard! Stupid Liz STILL thinks that Mike is leading the racist society, but of course Jessica doesn't tell him that. Winston and Denise are going to the charity ball together. They're my favorite couple. Winston should have been featured more in SVU. Tom and Celine are going to the charity ball...hmm, okay. I think Tom is kidding himself by saying he still thinks he is just dating her for information. I think he's dating her for a little of that southern charm, if you know what I mean. Now Elizabeth thinks that Tom is a leader of the racist society. Because he is secretive and discouraged her from thinking that Mike could have been the leader. Do they ever tell us why Tom was in the racist society? Like, I know he was into football and all that, but do those two necessarily go hand in hand? Steven finds out that Jessica and Mike are married. He goes nuts. Jessica runs away. Cries. So much crying.
Chapter 8: Jessica was so scared, she stayed in Isabella's room. Isabella is really nice to her. Jessica tries to stay away from Mike for about...oh, ten minutes, before caving in and going to meet him. Ooo Mike gave Steven a black eye. HA. William White agrees with Elizabeth that Tom is a part of, if not the leader, of the secret society. I didn't read these books when I was younger, but I know from the recaps that William is the leader. I keep wondering how Elizabeth doesn't see it! Did all of you who read these when you were twelve realize it long before star reporter Lizzie? Tom confesses to Liz that he used to be a part of the racist society. She is too dim to believe that he is telling her the truth, and continues to mistrust him and believe William. Because William is smart and literary? Alright.
Chapter 9: aka the only chapter where anything important happens.
Mike won't take Jessica to the charity ball. He changed his mind. I have not, in my life, gone to a single ball. How do these kids go to so many? How do they afford all of the dresses? Jessica was going to wear a strapless pink flamingo gown. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you flamingo barbie:
Jessica is in the drugstore and can't find Mike's shaving cream. He is going to have a fit. He might have to, oh I don't know, use a different brand or something. Celine is wearing a magnolia colored gown and knows she looks 'heartbreakingly beautiful.' A lot of good that does her...Tom cancels on her at the last minute. But Peter is going to take her. Whatever happens to Celine? Do they ever mention her in any of the books later than The Trial of Jessica Wakefield? If they were going to bring a villain back, it should have been her! She'd have a good laugh with Margo and the other crazies. Everyone's at the dance. Racist William gets mad that Black Bryan and Black Nina have brought their Black After School Charity Children. Elizabeth sees Todd there with Lauren. Ah, I find out that she's a red head. Of course. If she was blonde, we wouldn't be able to hate her. Winston breakdances with the kids that Bryan brought with him. Denise kisses him. Aww. Jessica tries to be a good housewife by cooking souffle and organizing Mike's sock drawers. She finds a gun. She gets scared and decides that she needs to leave him. Mike comes home, later than he was supposed to, but earlier than she wanted him to. Jessica would have already been gone but she decided to pack some things, so she is sitting there packing when he comes in. This is NOT going to be good. I think Mike is drunk. He is staggering and glassy eyed. There is a scary scene that the ghostwriter actually didn't make sound over dramatic. Mike says all kinds of stuff like how they can't live without each other. Jessica doesn't agree. She smashes a lamp over his head and runs out. William makes Elizabeth leave the ball. They go to his apartment. Why doesn't she hate William for being rich? She hates everyone else for it. Tom uses his spidey sense to realize that Elizabeth is somewhere with William. He crashes the ball to try to find her. Elizabeth and William are drinking and kissing. Oo la la la. She snoops through his stuff. Obviously. She finds a bookmark with the symbol for the secret society on it. Meanwhile, Jessica is at Billie and Steven's upset and Steven is raging about Mike. Mike tries to get in. They open the door. Mike has the gun. It ends with a shot ringing out. I think we're supposed to be in suspense, but I already know what happens, so...
Looking back, it would have been easier if I had divided this into plots rather than chapters. Oh well. Next time!
Basically, if you've read #4 and #6, you know what goes on this one...nothing new or exciting is revealed, and it doesn't even get interesting or relevant until the end.
The twins look kind of ugly. Although we do get the lovely Liz shoulder pat!
Chapter 1: We start out with Elizabeth dreaming. I'm sure the ghostwriter intended it to be meaningful/symbolic, but really it was just...boring. She dreams that Jessica is sitting on top of a wedding cake (and there is no groom beside her) and she can't get down unless Liz catches the bouquet she throws. Liz misses the bouquet. Oh Liz, even in your dreams you fail. When she wakes up she recounts the events of the previous book for us. (We also get this little snippet, "He [Mike] was a twenty-two-year-old biker, demonically handsome, with lots of money and bad attitude). Demonically handsome? I picture this:
but maybe I've just been watching too much futurama.
I guess at this point Liz still thinks that Mike is the leader of the secret racist society...I can't even bother to snark that.
Also, I've just realized that I kind of love Celine...other than her crazy-racistness. She makes fun of Liz better than I could ever hope to! And her little inner monologues are hilarious. "Don't be silly," she chided herself, "Williams attracted to Elizabeth the way a boa constrictor's attracted to a mouse." She lit a cigarette, exhaling through a slow smile. "In the end, he's going to eat her alive." Why does she never get in trouble for smoking in the dorms? Don't they have smoke detectors? RAs? My love for her does deplete slightly though, I must admit, after this description of her outfit, "...red stretch pants and a gauzy see-through tunic in shades of pink." What is she, a Valentine's Day bear? I should hurry this up. Anyways the rest of the chapter is boring stuff about Tom fretting about Elizabeth and Danny and Isabella (who, by the way, has realized she loves Danny) talking about Tom....blah blah blah...Jessica called out of her shift at the coffee shop and some girl named Molly who works there broke her wrist doing the twist at the dance last night. Really? The twist?
Chapter 2: Liz is telling Nina about Jessica. Liz is so upset she can't eat breakfast! She thinks about how she gained weight (oh no, not the perfect size 6 figure!) but now she was losing it. She says, "Maybe she'd discovered the perfect diet at last: the Your-Sister-Is-Married-to-a-Violent-Criminal-Diet." Now I haven't read many SVU books, but I did read the recaps and I didn't think it ever mentioned him actually being a criminal. Not that being a criminal really seems to bother Liz, as she makes out with William White even after all the shenanigans (like trying to kill her, keeping his dead decaying shrink in the library, etc.) he pulls. Anyways, I wish losing ten pounds really was as simple as getting my sister to date a criminal. Sure beats exercise! There's some more stuff that I don't care too much about, like Todd and Mark getting ready for their interrogation by the school officials. Todd thinks to himself that he's "really good looking" and any mother in America would look at him and think "what a nice boy." Todd, maybe you should think a little bit more about what you're going to say this committee and a little less about what one of their mother's would think, should you start dating them. Mark and Enid are annoying. He yells at her. She cries. Billie is the only rational one so far in this book. Liz tells her that she thinks Mike is the leader of the secret racist society. Billie basically tells Liz that her evidence is shit and makes fun of her.
Chapter 3: Everyone is eating lunch. Tom thinks about William a bit, including calling him "too perfect and too smooth" (which he repeats later on) and talking about how he doesn't like his eyes, because they are demonic and also "hypnotically attractive." Hmm... Jessica and Isabella talk about their love lives, Elizabeth goes on a date with William and tells him her thoughts about Mike being the leader of the secret society. Oh man, she is so dim. William agrees with her. This makes Elizabeth pleased! Then she ponders more about who else could be a leader, and in her pondering makes a reference to Machiavelli. I love Machiavelli! Although, from the extremely vague comments the ghostwriter makes, I'm not really sure they KNEW who Machiavelli was. Oh well, what can you expect?
Chapter 4: So there has been some angsting between Mike and Jessica because Jessica still won't tell people she's married, and Mike is pissed. I would be too! She tells him that she invited her brother and sister to dinner at their house on Friday night. Of course, she hasn't. It's a good thing that Mike and Steven don't live in the same building or anything, or this could come to bite her in the ass. There are some creepy interactions between Mike and Jessica, with her being scared of him and him being an asshole.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth starts wondering about Tom and how she doesn't know anything about him. She's going to go look him up in the library! Why doesn't she just go talk to him? She's a Wakefield, surely she realizes that he MUST be in love with her? I'm so bored by the whole Todd sports thing, I'm not recapping any more of it that goes on in the book. There's a charity ball coming up. Of course there is. William is taking Elizabeth. Jessica wants Mike to take her. Isabella and Danny are going together. Nina and Bryan are going and Bryan is planning some sort of protest/demonstration that involves bringing the children that the charity is giving money to to the ball as his date. He thinks everyone will be shocked and horrified. Probably just William, unless there are other secret racists there too.
Chapter 5: Nothing happens in this chapter. Winston reads women magazines to try to figure out if Denise likes him. Steven and Billie eat dinner together and Steven frets about Jessica and Mike. He asks Billie, "What do you think they do together?" I guess at this point he has already ran into Mike and Mike found out that he knew nothing about the dinner. Obviously. Billie answers, "What do you mean, do? Are you accusing Mike of unnatural sexual practices? Do you think he dresses in a wet suit and makes Jessica massage him with rubber ducks or something?" Wow. That is bizarre!! Steven's face turns red. Of course it does. I'm sure he's thinking back to all the creepy unnatural things he's thought about Jessica over the years.
Tom is wooing Celine in order to get information. Elizabeth is bringing Tom to the dinner at Jessica's. Tom likes Mike.
Chapter six: Winston talks to Elizabeth about his girl problems. Does anyone ever ask anyone other than Elizabeth for advice? Jessica comically tries to cook dinner, fails, Mike is surprisingly not mad, they order take out anyways but pass it off as their own cooking. Tom and Mike talk to each other all throughout dinner, they love each other, both hate William. Elizabeth wonders if she likes Tom. Why doesn't Elizabeth cheat on William ever? It figures she's loyal to the psychos.
Chapter 7:
Mike cooks Jessica breakfast, acts like a nervous teenage girl and asks Jessica what Elizabeth thought of him. I keep wanting to like Mike, but I know he goes nuts at the end of this book, so it's hard! Stupid Liz STILL thinks that Mike is leading the racist society, but of course Jessica doesn't tell him that. Winston and Denise are going to the charity ball together. They're my favorite couple. Winston should have been featured more in SVU. Tom and Celine are going to the charity ball...hmm, okay. I think Tom is kidding himself by saying he still thinks he is just dating her for information. I think he's dating her for a little of that southern charm, if you know what I mean. Now Elizabeth thinks that Tom is a leader of the racist society. Because he is secretive and discouraged her from thinking that Mike could have been the leader. Do they ever tell us why Tom was in the racist society? Like, I know he was into football and all that, but do those two necessarily go hand in hand? Steven finds out that Jessica and Mike are married. He goes nuts. Jessica runs away. Cries. So much crying.
Chapter 8: Jessica was so scared, she stayed in Isabella's room. Isabella is really nice to her. Jessica tries to stay away from Mike for about...oh, ten minutes, before caving in and going to meet him. Ooo Mike gave Steven a black eye. HA. William White agrees with Elizabeth that Tom is a part of, if not the leader, of the secret society. I didn't read these books when I was younger, but I know from the recaps that William is the leader. I keep wondering how Elizabeth doesn't see it! Did all of you who read these when you were twelve realize it long before star reporter Lizzie? Tom confesses to Liz that he used to be a part of the racist society. She is too dim to believe that he is telling her the truth, and continues to mistrust him and believe William. Because William is smart and literary? Alright.
Chapter 9: aka the only chapter where anything important happens.
Mike won't take Jessica to the charity ball. He changed his mind. I have not, in my life, gone to a single ball. How do these kids go to so many? How do they afford all of the dresses? Jessica was going to wear a strapless pink flamingo gown. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you flamingo barbie:
Jessica is in the drugstore and can't find Mike's shaving cream. He is going to have a fit. He might have to, oh I don't know, use a different brand or something. Celine is wearing a magnolia colored gown and knows she looks 'heartbreakingly beautiful.' A lot of good that does her...Tom cancels on her at the last minute. But Peter is going to take her. Whatever happens to Celine? Do they ever mention her in any of the books later than The Trial of Jessica Wakefield? If they were going to bring a villain back, it should have been her! She'd have a good laugh with Margo and the other crazies. Everyone's at the dance. Racist William gets mad that Black Bryan and Black Nina have brought their Black After School Charity Children. Elizabeth sees Todd there with Lauren. Ah, I find out that she's a red head. Of course. If she was blonde, we wouldn't be able to hate her. Winston breakdances with the kids that Bryan brought with him. Denise kisses him. Aww. Jessica tries to be a good housewife by cooking souffle and organizing Mike's sock drawers. She finds a gun. She gets scared and decides that she needs to leave him. Mike comes home, later than he was supposed to, but earlier than she wanted him to. Jessica would have already been gone but she decided to pack some things, so she is sitting there packing when he comes in. This is NOT going to be good. I think Mike is drunk. He is staggering and glassy eyed. There is a scary scene that the ghostwriter actually didn't make sound over dramatic. Mike says all kinds of stuff like how they can't live without each other. Jessica doesn't agree. She smashes a lamp over his head and runs out. William makes Elizabeth leave the ball. They go to his apartment. Why doesn't she hate William for being rich? She hates everyone else for it. Tom uses his spidey sense to realize that Elizabeth is somewhere with William. He crashes the ball to try to find her. Elizabeth and William are drinking and kissing. Oo la la la. She snoops through his stuff. Obviously. She finds a bookmark with the symbol for the secret society on it. Meanwhile, Jessica is at Billie and Steven's upset and Steven is raging about Mike. Mike tries to get in. They open the door. Mike has the gun. It ends with a shot ringing out. I think we're supposed to be in suspense, but I already know what happens, so...
Looking back, it would have been easier if I had divided this into plots rather than chapters. Oh well. Next time!