SVHSY #41 He's Back
Hello, all! After several edits, I'm hoping I have the lj-cut down! First recap, hope it's not too long.
We open with journal entries from a few characters regarding friendship with exes. Elizabeth thinks it’s hard, but she was able to be friends with Todd again! Oh, wait. No. She changes her mind and says that she can imagine that they will be one day…you know, until he pressures into sex and they break up leading her to lose her perfect size six figure! Alanna Feldman, Conner’s ex, passive-aggressively asks us readers (or her diary?) if we agree that it’s hard to be friends with an ex after he “has stabbed you in the back with an especially sharp knife and twisted it a few times”. I hate Alanna. I hate to admit that I started reading SVSY right when it came out during my sophomore year of high school…and continued through my senior year, more or less. I just kept waiting for Elizabeth to get with Conner! So when Alanna came on the scene, I wanted to punch her in the face. Everything she says/does/feels sucks.
We move on to Tia and Elizabeth at the end of gym class. For those of you unfamiliar with this series, Tia is a younger version of Carla from Scrubs-Hispanic, bossy, and a meddler. Also sarcastic. The book describes her as saying something sarcastically at least twice, but it mostly annoys me, except when she pulls it out on Elizabeth. Tia doesn’t want to tell Liz that she’s hanging out with Conner that night, so she hems and haws until Liz gives us this gem: “One, you suck at lying, and two, I’m now a professional journalist. I know a story when I see one.” Oh, Liz. Just when I thought that this book wouldn’t be snarkable, you save the day. How is she a professional journalist, guys? No other mention of this lofty status is mentioned throughout the rest of the book and I didn’t read any of the last ten books or so.
“All right, all right, your powers are far too strong for me.” This is Tia’s sarcasm. I’m unimpressed, though I’ll bet that Liz is pleased that someone is admitting it aloud. I bet that Tia is really thinking that she hates being a minority sidekick to the Wakefield twins. Anyway, Tia lets Liz know that Conner and Alanna broke up and he’s really down about it. Liz gets a bit excited, but she has no idea why…after all, she and Conner haven’t spoken in weeks! I have an idea why, Liz. It’s because whenever you date someone, you cheat on him with someone else. Speaking of boyfriends, Liz’s comes up just then and shows off his rock-hard abs, “perfected from hours of snowboarding and surfing.” Granted, I do neither of those activities, but wouldn’t it be more likely to come from soccer? Does Jeffrey even still play?
Conner tries calling Alanna, but she won’t pick up. Apparently she ran away from home and he betrayed her by bringing her parents to her. Oh, boo hoo. Wench. He throws his phone and it ricochets off the bed to the floor. Todd would’ve punched the wall. Liz obviously has an attraction to violent guys. Alanna is at home, pissed that he’s daring to call her. Her mom comes in and asks to spend the day together tomorrow. Alanna reluctantly agrees because she’s a bitch.
Melissa Fox is seriously even more sociopathic than Jessica and a terrible replacement for Miss Lila Fowler, but in this book she shines. She’s getting revenge on her boyfriend, Will, and her best friend, Cherie. Apparently Will cheated on her with someone named Erica, but it’s never revealed what Cherie did. Anyway, Cherie likes Aaron Dallas, so Melissa agrees to tutor him in English to be able to feed Cherie information. But wait! She’s going to feed her BAD information…and get Aaron to like her instead! Oh, Melissa, I might like you now. At this session she just lightly flirts with Aaron. The chapter ends with Cherie’s journal entry…she thinks she’s in love with Aaron. They’ve never been on a date or kissed, but it’s TRU LUV.
Skip to Jeremy who is still barely speaking to Trent after he apparently came on to Jessica (no word on why Trent and Tia are still together), even though Jeremy lives with Trent’s family. Jeremy and Jessica have food poisoning from an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet, and he is miserable…but he still won’t accept help from Trent.
Because Jess and Jeremy are sick, Liz goes alone to the Riot where DJ Jazzy Jeff is working. She doesn’t have anyone to hang with and is feeling like a loser (as she should). She walks towards the bar and sees Conner about to drink a drink that isn’t soda!!! She shakes with nerves after being “rigid with fear”. She meddles, only to find that it’s seltzer water and Conner thinks she’s a bitch for having no faith in him. I wouldn’t have faith in him, either, to be fair. All he does is kiss Liz or push her away or get drunk or date other girls. Jerk. After she apologizes, he feels guilty and says he’s sorry, too. They have a pleasant conversation. So pleasant that Elizabeth blushes when Jeff comes up to them, acting almost like there was something going on. Stupid Elizabeth. She writes in her journal that talking with Conner was “perfect”. Look out, Jeff.
Melissa nags Will into finding out more about Aaron Dallas. This is pretty ballsy. She’s getting her boyfriend to feed her information on the guy she plans to cheat on him with. She finds out that Aaron likes rap music. Lame. Melissa, I’m sure you can find someone better to cheat with.
Jeremy calls in sick to work only to have his boss yell at him because he and Jess both called out on Sunday, House of Java’s busiest day. Trent tries again to be nice, but Jeremy won’t have any of it. Eh. I don’t care. Jeremy doesn’t have to forgive him. I hold grudges, too. I still hate a girl who tried to steal my boyfriend over four years ago. Slut. Anyway, Trent goes to House of Java and offers to help out with the menial tasks (refilling dispensers, taking out trash) to free the other workers up to serve customers. I call shenanigans on this. There’s no way a manager would let someone off the street just help out like that. Even though the manager knows him as Jeremy’s friend, she doesn’t know if he’s going to poison anyone or slip on spilled coffee and sue. This is Sweet Valley: those things could happen.
Alanna is out with her mom and having a terrible time as her mom makes an attempt to bond with her. It’s not a great attempt, but it’s better than anything Ned and Alice normally do. They go to a day spa and Alanna comes out covered in hives because she’s quite allergic to avocado and there was some in the mud the spa used. Haha, Alanna! That’s what you get for stealing Conner from Liz!!
Melissa goes to the music store at the mall to find out what she can about rap. While she’s there she runs into Cherie who is going to buy Aaron a rap c.d. for his birthday-she has a date with him for the day before. Melissa talks her out of rap and into classic rock. The Best of The Who to be exact. I like classic rock pretty well, but I wouldn’t exactly be stoked with that as a birthday gift. Melissa is the Queen of Revenge. She’s pretty happy with herself, judging from her journal entry…she believes that fate is helping her get revenge since it’s going so perfectly. Fate=awesome.
Trent makes a list of ways to get Jeremy to talk to him. They’re all dumb and I think he’s dumb for making a list over something so stupid.
Cut to Liz and Conner’s creative writing class. Conner reads a short story about a musician and his wooden guitar. The musician loved the guitar, but over time moved on to flashier guitars. As an old man, the musician searches for his old guitar, can’t find it, and cries when he realizes it’s gone forever. Elizabeth is practically squirming with excitement. The story is a metaphor! Conner is the musician and SHE’S THE GUITAR!!! OMG!!! He, like, totes wants her back! She waits for him after class and tells him she liked it. He says something vague like, “I wasn’t sure what you’d think.” Of course this means he loves her, not that he wasn’t sure what his ex-girlfriend would think about his story about ALANNA. Liz is dumb. Her reasons for KNOWING it’s about her: 1. The guitar is made of BLOND wood, 2. First guitar=first love=Liz, Conner’s first love, 3. Flashy guitars=Alanna, 4. Guitar is gone forever=Liz being with Jeff, out of Conner’s reach.
From Will, Melissa finds out that Aaron loves classic movies, sporty girls, and girls who snort when they laugh. Aaron likes ME!!! Except for the sportiness. Does an abnormal obsession with football count as sportiness? Probably not. I can pretend, though, JUST LIKE MELISSA WILL!
Elizabeth is doing homework with Jeffrey, but mostly she’s just daydreaming about Conner’s poem and ignoring all the sweet things Jeff says/does. The next day at lunch, she has to choose between her normal table (Jess, Tia, Maria, Andy, and Ken) or sitting with Tia and Conner. DO NOT SIT WITH CONNER! She doesn’t listen to me and goes over, finagling a time to meet with Conner about their latest creative writing assignment that she’s having trouble with. LIAR! Liz thinks she’s too good at writing to ever have problems. Conner should have stood up and proclaimed her as the liar she is. Instead they’re going to meet after school the next day. Tia thinks this is weird. Good for you, Tia. Why don’t you meddle like always and make things messier? Conner says something about helping her because they’re friends now and Elizabeth beams with happiness because he called them friends. FRIENDS, Liz. Not soon-to-be-lovers. Just friends.
Boring stuff. Alanna’s mom gets them tickets to a Boy Toy concert. Yes. That was the best boy band name the ghostwriters could think up. Alanna agrees, but she’s pissed off…as usual. Oh, no, my mommy wants to spend time with me at a Boy Toy concert because she doesn’t know what I like because I don’t tell her anything ever!
Jeremy goes to work to find out that he isn’t fired because Trent saved the day. Jeremy is still mad at him, though. You go, Jeremy! Hold that grudge!
Jeffrey tells Liz that her favorite author is signing books downtown that afternoon…but she can’t go! She’s seeing Conner! She tells Jeffrey who gets pretty pale, knowing Liz’s penchant for cheating on him with ex-boyfriends. She says that it’s just as friends, which is unknowingly the truth…because that’s all Conner thinks.
Melissa is at Aaron’s house, ending their tutoring session early because of his birthday. She’s wearing an SVH sweatshirt in an attempt to look sportier. She asks about his date with Cherie. He had a good time, but didn’t like The Best of the Who. She happens to open up her discman and he happens to see the latest rap c.d. there. She offers to burn him a copy. Smooth, Melissa. As she leaves, she tells him that she’s going home to watch either Philadelphia Story or Rear Window. Aaron is uber excited about that.
Liz and Conner get together and they’re boring. She likes him, he doesn’t like her, and neither one of them knows what the other is thinking. Liz leaves thinking that he’s so great and he’s thinking that it’s cool to hang out with her now that he’s not attracted to her anymore. BURN! The next day at lunch she and Jeff sit alone and he gives her a signed book by that author. I hated Jeff in SVH because I loved Trusty Boyfriend Todd, but clearly Jeffrey is too good for St. Liz. She keeps looking across the cafeteria at Conner and thinks to herself, Maybe by Saturday I’ll be letting Jeff down easy. You are a royal bitch, Liz. So’s Melissa, but she’s far cleverer than our smart twin.
Speaking of, Melissa convinces Cherie to drop her sporty image and start dressing more like her, in dresses, skirts, and things. Cherie doesn’t want to change herself for a boy (Go you!), but eventually agrees. Melissa, 5, Everyone else, 0.
Jeff’s journal entry reveals that he knows that Elizabeth is thinking about getting back together with Conner and he feels like a wuss for not calling her out on it. I wish he had. That lunch would’ve been more fun.
Alanna goes to the concert and has a terrible time. As they leave her mom finally asks her what the hell her problem is. Eventually they have an afternoon special mother-daughter moment and Alanna realizes that she wouldn’t be there if not for Conner. Her mom says that she can go see him.
Liz gets together with Conner again so he can look over her story. He reveals that he wants to change his guitar story’s ending. Liz thinks he wants to reunite the musician with the guitar. He doesn’t. Conner wants to destroy the guitar, which bothers St. Liz. She tries to talk him out of it. They end up playing Scrabble because they don’t want to do work, which leads to a play fight over a word, which then leads to an ice fight. Suddenly, his hand is around her wrist and they are standing far too close to each other. He HUSKILY says they’ll both let go at the count of three and Liz “knows” that he felt whatever it was, whether the story was about her or not. They let go and don’t kiss right before the doorbell sounds. He goes into the living room to answer it, so Liz follows a few moments later assuming it’s Tia. It’s Alanna and she’s mad! She runs out and drives off, with Conner trailing close behind her. He parks his car right behind hers at a yellow light and runs up to her car. She looks at him and guns that gas through a red, nearly getting herself killed. She’d rather die than let him give an explanation. See? Huge bitch.
Aaron gives Melissa a ride home in his no top-, no doors-, surfboards-in-place-of-a-backseat Jeep (1aaron1?). They flirt a little and she lets out a little snort as she giggles. Aaron is totally turned on. Melissa is still awesome.
Basketball game. Jeremy and Trent are still not really speaking. Trent hurts himself on the court, but insists that he can play. The game continues, but Jeremy quickly calls a time-out and requests that the coach take Trent out so that he can get his leg looked at, because he’s worried. So much for your grudge, Jeremy. Trent goes nuts and rages at Jeremy in front of everyone that Jeremy didn’t care whether he was hurt, and that Jeremy is just getting revenge for Trent hitting on Jess. The coach is too smart for him and pulls him out. At the hospital, they find out that Trent will be out for six weeks with a fracture, and if he’d tried to keep playing he would have done serious damage. The two guys make up and I lose a fellow grudge-holder.
During a half-time routine at SVH, Melissa catches Aaron staring at her and they share a heated moment. Melissa is beginning to fall for Mr. Dallas, I do believe.
Liz gets home after Conner silently drives her back to her house. She listens to a cute message from Jeffrey and then looks at a picture of the two of them at the beach where they’re smiling and laughing. She searches to find the few pictures from when she dated Conner and even when she looked happy, her eyes were missing the spark that Jeffrey put in them. Coming to her senses, Liz decides that she doesn’t care about Conner and drives over to Jeff’s house. He welcomes her with open arms, but asks if she’s sure that everything’s okay…almost like he knew what had been going on! She’s sure (for now).
From the end of novel journal entries we learn that Will thinks it weird that Melissa wore jeans and a t-shirt to a postgame party (Party!). Melissa knows he thinks it’s weird, but doesn’t care. She had a good time hanging out with Aaron at the party, and he clearly didn’t want to hang out with Cherie who wore one of Melissa’s dresses.
Stay tuned for my next update where we pick up where we left off.