The Fighting Irish, or SVT#105 Jessica's Lucky Millions
I thought I had lost this book, but then I was cleaning my room this past weekend (out of boredom) and found #105, Jessica’s Lucky Millions.
I tried to include a picture I took of my copy, but my computer is yelling at me about scripts and I don't have a clue what they are so no picture. Sorry.
The cover actually shows a scene that really happens. Only Lila is missing and Jess isn’t wearing a bathing suit, but we still get some nice thought bubbles of Steven driving a nice car and Jess is frosting herself with diamonds. And there’s a rainbow in the background so you know Tom McKay must be somewhere. His thought bubble is probably him and Steven, making out. I do like that Steven is doing all the digging while Jess sits around.
Jess has just watched a movie about people who hit the jackpot in Vegas. Ocean’s Eleven? I love George Clooney. She’s convinced that she can strike it rich too and asks Liz about odds and lottery tickets. Liz tells her she’s too young to buy them and to do some homework instead. They’re studying Irish history and folklore.
Liz goes back to reading her book, Fool’s Paradise, written by Maggie Sullivan. This will be important later. Liz loves the story about a young couple, in love, who go to America. They get separated once they land and never see each other again. Or do they? No, really, they don’t. Liz wants to turn the story into a play. Look out, Neil Simon.
Steven is in his room, flexing his muscles when Jess comes in with a pair of dice, to ask about how she can win the lottery. Is this another book where I’m embarrassed for her? Because that really breaks my heart. Steven throws her dice out the window and she stomps off.
In class, she daydreams about winning the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes. The teacher, Mr. Nydick busts her and makes her write a paper about the pot of gold legend. Easiest. Assignment. Ever! I was once assigned to write a paper on anything I wanted and I wrote it on how much I love grilled cheese sandwiches. I got an A because I’m totes a better writer than Liz.
Amy is impressed with Liz’s playwriting pursuits. Liz tells her that she can star in the play.
Jess is crushing on Rick Hunter. All I remember of him is that his mom works at a department store in the mall. He invites her to meet up with him and some friends for a basketball game that night. Mr. Nydick reminds Jess about her paper. Cockblocker!
Liz writes her play and worries that it’s not good enough and goes to Jessica for some advice. Liz, allow me. It’s not good enough. Wake up and realize you’re a crap writer! Jess blows her off because she’s writing her paper. Steven blows her off to pump iron, but does in a little dig about her play being off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway. Ha!
Jessica’s essay gives her an idea; if she finds the pot of gold, she’ll be rich! Speaking of rich, she calls Lila and they plan to find the gold together. Steven listens in and decides to pull a prank on her.
Liz nerds over a bio on Maggie Sullivan and Steven teases her. Gah, now I know how my parents must’ve felt when my siblings and I fought.
Lila stays for dinner at the Wakefield’s and Steven announces that he found an old book with an old treasure map inside. Who wants to bet that Steven made the map up for his prank on Jessica? She falls for it. Ned and Alice think he should take it to the historical society.
Liz tells Alice that Maggie Sullivan lives in California! Quelle surprise! Alice suggests that she call up the local writers association and see if they can tell her anything about Maggie. Steven walks in and makes fun of Liz some more and Alice and I have had enough of the bickering. Liz vows to get even.
Jess steals the map from Steven’s room and stubs her toe on a barbell. She screams in pain and Liz comes running in to see if she needs saving. Jess tells her all about the hunt for the gold. Liz thinks Steven should be included since he found the map and all, but then decides against it since he’s been such an asshole lately.
Steven can’t find the map and everyone makes fun of him for being absent minded. Even Alice! Excellent parenting job, as always. Liz notes that he’s mellow about it. Maybe too mellow.
Jess and Lila read the map during lunch and figure that the gold is buried at Sunset Beach. Lila calls bullshit because why would it be in Sweet Valley of all the places in the whole entire world? Li’s too smart for this series.
Amy asks Liz about her play, like how Whitney’s contractually obligated to ask Lauren about her life on The Hills. Liz tells her about the treasure. Dang, girlfriend’s got a big mouth! They look at the map with Jess and Lila and Liz Nancy Drews that a fountain pen was used to draw the map and she lent Steven a fountain pen a few days ago. She thinks it’s a fake, that Steven forged it. They fight and Lila makes fun of Liz’s clothes. I. Heart. Lila. The nerds leave and Rick invites Jess and Lila to go to Casey’s after school.
Liz gets a phone call from Maggie Sullivan, but when she starts asking Maggie questions, she realizes it’s Steven, pretending to be Maggie! She vows more revenge. She and Amy go to Sunset Beach and see Eddie Cibrian. They bury a Blarney stone and a key and think how funny it will be to see Jessica and Lila dig for nothing.
Steven and Joe Howell go to Casey’s and Steven accuses Jess of stealing the map. He plays like he’s so concern, telling her that the historical society said it was hundreds of years old. Lila freaks that Steven will get to Sunset Beach first and dig up the treasure. She suggest tying him up. Funny, considering that they end up dating in SVH. The girls plan to dig the next day.
Liz gets a call from a real person from the writer’s association. Bad newz. They’ve lost touch with Maggie Sullivan and have no contact information for her. Bummer.
At the beach, Jess and Lila dig. And fight. Liz and Amy watch. And laugh. But join them when it looks like Jess and Li are giving up. Liz pretends to stub her toe on the Blarney stone. The girls kiss it and begin to dig again, feeling like they’re getting closer. Jess freaks when she finds the key. They’re thisclose to the gold! It starts to get dark so they make plans to finish up the next day.
Steven is mad that Jess is so happy. Liz tells him about her finding the clues and that she’s going to find the treasure and tells him to get to the beach and claim the treasure. He does show up and they all argue. All of this sibling rivalry makes me want to call my mom and apologize for fighting with my brother and sister so much. God, I just realized that I’m the middle child…just like Elizabeth! Dammit! Liz and Amy show up too and Steven agrees to help Jess and Li find the gold and they’ll split it three ways. No gold for Liz! They dig and I have to quote a certain part because it’s so unintentionally dirty:
“I’ve found the spot!” Jess cried suddenly. “I can just feel it. I have goose bumps and everything.”
Jess finds a purple bag with a necklace inside. They’re all like, “We’re rich!” and Liz is all, “I didn’t bury that!” Oops! Busted! Steven thinks that Liz is becoming more like Jessica everyday. Ha! She wishes she were like Jessica! They open the necklace/locket and it’s inscribed “To Maggie. Love, Patrick.” It’s Maggie Sullivan’s locket that her dead husband gave her. There’s also an address for Maggie, but they refuse to show Liz because of what she pulled. Steven wrote the damned map, but Jess doesn’t seem to care about that.
The next day, Steven, Jess, and Lila ride to Maggie’s house to return the locket to her. She’s nice, of course. They tell her the story of how they found the locket, including how Steven drew a map and Liz buried clues. Outside, Liz is hiding in a tree and falls out. Maggie shames her for eavesdropping and spying and Liz is about the cry. Steven and Jess defend Liz and tell her that Liz loves her. Maggie lets her into the house to have shortbread with them.
They have a great time and before they leave, Maggie gives them each a gold coin that will bring them luck. Their luck includes:
Liz gets Maggie’s help on the play
Jess gets asked out on a date by Rick
Lila gets her own credit card
Steven is able to bench-press more weight then ever
Liz tries to say that the real wealth is in having a good life and shit like that. No one listens to her.
Jess wants to be in Liz’s play because she’s such a good actress which leads us to #106, Breakfast of Enemies. I’m totally picturing sitting across from Liz, in IHOP, and we’re glaring at each other over stacks of pancakes. Now I want some pancakes.