SVHSY #46 Prom Night
The 1,967th prom for the Wakefield twins, but the only one of their senior year!
I cringed through this entire book, but the end made it all worth it.
Everyone (except Conner) is excited about the prom! Here's there plan: Liz & Jeff, Jess & Jeremy, Andy & Dave, and Tia & Trent will all meet at the Wakefields' house for pictures, limo over to Maria's house for a pre-prom party, and limo to the beach prom. Sounds like fun. I'm sure that nothing will happen to screw these plans up.
Elizabeth diaries about finding Jeff's paper from Guidance that says he was rejected by NYU...she's sure that he wouldn't lie to her...maybe there was a mistake and it's her duty to let him know that she saw it so that they can get the mistake fixed. Good ol' Saint Liz to the rescue! She shows it to him and asks him if Guidance was just wrong. He jumps on that and claims that he didn't even notice the mistake, but that he'd make sure that they were set straight. Liz mutters something under her breath like, "So it WAS a mistake." Jeffrey doesn't quite hear her, but when he asks her to repeat it, she makes up something else. He senses that she's suspicious or else he's just projecting onto her, so he realizes that he needs to prove that he did get in to NYU. Only he didn't. Right. Anyway, Liz asks about the article that he'd begged her to give him for the Oracle's final issue of the year and he's forgotten all about it, but promises that he's almost done. You're just racking up the lies today, aren't you, Jeffy?
A bunch of the gang have all independently meandered over to House of Java while Jeremy's working. Tia announces that she was accepted by Americorps...yeah, Tee, this isn't THAT great. I've known two people to work for it out of college and both HATED their experiences. Peace Corps didn't want you, huh? Too bad. They're respected, at least. Here is what happens at HOJ:
1. Andy says that he's going to move to New York and try to make it as a stand-up comedian; coincidentally, his boyfriend, Dave, will be going there, too, to attend Columbia University.
2. Jeffrey goes nutso listing all the bad things about NYC and how it's dangerous, filthy, and basically blasts Andy (and Dave, who's sitting there, too, and getting uncomfortable) for choosing to go there.
3. Everyone gets pissed at Jeffrey, including Liz who tries kicking her dumb boyfriend under the table to get him to stop his tirade; he doesn't.
4. Prom King and Queen; SVH has a rule that only SVH students can be king/queen, so the gang laments that Awesome Melissa Fox and her Cheating Jerk boyfriend, Will Simmons, will definitely get it because most couples are dating people from other schools. Tia says that she doesn't want Melissa to get it or to get the full page picture in the yearbook. Trent jokes that he'll paste her face and his over Melissa's and Will's, and she thinks that's a great idea.
Okay, I don't get why people have a problem with the school policy. They complain that the king and queen are usually couples, so it's unfair to so many students. WTF?! If a girl from another school had won the Homecoming Queen title at my school (we didn't have Prom King/Queen), just because her boyfriend was voted in as king, every girl at my school would have gone into Super Massive PMS RAGE! Also, couples never won king/queen at my school, it was always just the most popular guy/gal.
Anyway, HOJ leads to the following:
1. Liz bitches at Jeffrey for being an asshole. He lies and says that it's end-of-the-school-year stress.
2. Andy and Dave discuss Andy's New York plan; Dave worries over what Andy's going to do to earn a living while he makes no money at open mic nights. Andy starts thinking that Dave doesn't want Andy to live in New York near him, and their conversation ends awkwardly when he drops Dave at his house.
3. It hits Trent that he's not going to see Tia for a whole 10-12 months while she's doing Americorps. He also knows that she didn't keep up a long-distance relationship with her last boyfriend, Angel. From this and what she said about wanting him to glue their faces over M & W's pictures, Trent decides that he needs to make this a really special night for her. Oh, Trent. Did you sustain head trauma in that car accident you had a couple books ago? You must have to post an anonymous bulletin from "Hoopster" on the SVH Student Council Online Message Board asking that students petition the student government to do away with the SVH students only being able to be king/queen.
4. Liz diaries that she's tired of the way Jeffrey is acting and writes this: I want my old boyfriend back. I laughed out loud when I read that. Oh, really, Liz? Which one? Conner? Todd? One of the guys that you cheated with? We need lists of all the guys that Liz and Jess have kissed or made out with in their life just to keep them all straight.
The next day Jeffrey sets out to prove to Liz that he got into NYU by showing her a new copy of the one she saw yesterday, this time saying that NYU accepted him. She doesn't care because she mostly trusted him yesterday. He's a little bent out of shape that she didn't care, especially after he spent an hour with white-out and his scanner to make this look legit. If Jessica or Melissa did this, I'd be incredibly amused, but Jeffrey is being such an asshole that I can't wait for Elizabeth to find out about this and give him a look of disdain or something. She tells him that she needs his article by Monday.
Trent lets Jeremy in on the petition he's started at SVH and Jeremy wisely thinks that maybe Tia wouldn't go for this, but Trent is dumb as a brick from all the head trauma and insists that she'll love it.
At a prom committee meeting, Maria, the student council president, tells everyone about Trent's petition, though they don't know it's his. She says that they voted to bring it to the administration and she's sure that it'll get changed. The girls think that this is a good idea (I don't), but Tia tells them that the whole thing is stupid and agrees to vote for Jessica / Jeremy because she hates all kinds of pageantry type things. Oh, boy. I hope that no drama ensues from this!
Jeremy and Trent go to pick out their tuxes and order corsages. Like a good boy scout, Jeremy has detailed instructions from Jessica that he follows to the letter. Trent rags on him for this, but Jeremy sensibly says that he wouldn't know what flowers to pick and this way Jess gets exactly what she wants. Head Trauma Trent laughs this off and thinks that Jeremy is foolish for not being like him. Um, like what, Head Trauma? Not brain damaged? Despite concern from Jeremy and the girl that works there, Trent decides to forego the normal corsage and get Tia a HEAD WREATH. He thinks to himself that Tia will look gorgeous and Jeremy doesn't know anything. He'd bet if Jessica were there, SHE'D want a wreath, too. No. If she'd wanted one, she would have sent Errand Boy Jeremy to make sure that she had it. She does not want a wreath. Wreaths are for Renaissance fairs. Does Jess seem like the Ren Fair type to you, Head Trauma?
Andy and Dave shop for tuxedos; Andy wants one with coat tails. Um, cool? Dave wants the standard, boring tux, and Andy thinks about how Dave doesn't like calling attention to himself, but Andy loves calling attention to HIMself. Gosh, they're so different! How can they ever make this work? Andy's also still whining in his head about how Dave doesn't want him to go to NYC. They approach the man who works there to put in their orders and the guy asks if they made sure that the tuxes matches their dates' dresses. Andy asks Dave if he's wearing a dress, but the guy doesn't get the joke. Dave tells the guy that they're sure before Andy can announce to this stranger that they're a gay couple. In the parking lot, Andy bitches Dave out for not wanting people to know that they're together. Dave sorta tries to explain himself, but Andy just keeps bitch bitch bitching. Finally he says that maybe Dave shouldn't come to the prom with him and Dave agrees because these SVH kids are bat crazy. Andy immediately regrets this, but instead of thinking that maybe HE should apologize, he thinks Dave should. Logic is not a course taught at SVH.
Jeff's in charge of renting the limo for the group and I'm concerned because he keeps screwing everything up lately, but he actually does go there. Trent meets him there and tells him to rent a six-person limo because he wants to surprise Tia with her own limo. Jeff agrees because he doesn't want Head Trauma along anymore than I do. Trent quickly finds out that the smallest limo that he can rent is a 12-15 person one because Jeff got the last small one, but the woman says that they have something else available: a horsedrawn carriage! Head Trauma thinks that this is AWESOME and knows that Tia will love it. I get a headache because I want to hit him in the head until his brain cells regenerate. If they don't regenerate and he dies, that's fine, too.
Tia talks to Trent on the phone and tells him that she knows what she wants for a corsage and for his tux, but he's already taken care of it. She's bummed because this is HER PROM (not his) and she wanted some input. She tells herself that it isn't a big deal because he went with Jeremy and she knows exactly what Jessica requested and she liked that corsage a lot. She asks if he got her a wrist corsage because her dress is strappy and there's no way to pin a corsage on; he says that he did NOT get a pin-on corsage.
On Saturday night, Liz is at home and doesn't want to hang out with Jeffrey when he calls. She lies that she has too much work to do, but really she's sick of his new personality. When they get off the phone, Jeffrey decides that he needs to write that article...or use one of his old essays! Yeah! He goes to her house early on Sunday morning (no one in Sweet Valley goes to church unless it's for a wedding...even Liz's funeral was held at SVH when Nora killed Margo) and surprises her with breakfast and his paper. Liz is less than impressed with an essay on Catcher in the Rye and tells him so. At first he tries to play it like it's perfect for the newspaper, but she points out that it isn't NEWS. He promises to get something else to her. The next day he does, an article about high school students being expected to know what to do with the rest of their life before starting college...the topic that Liz had originally suggested to him, but he was uninterested in writing about, confident that he could come up with something better. Was Jeffrey in the trunk during Trent's accident? Liz is pleased and this has smoothed things between them.
Andy eats with his ex-girlfriend, Six, and complains about Dave, but she reasonably says that it sounds like he's the one who went apeshit. I actually liked Six a lot before the whole Andy's Gay storyline came about and they broke up and she disappeared, but her name is stupid. I mean, naming her Seven or Nine still would have brought up memories of Blossom to me, but did they have to completely copy it? Anyway, Six says that she likes this guy Matt Fogel, who has just broken up with his girlfriend, and she has a great idea! She (a sophomore) will go with Andy to the prom as his date and try to get with Matt! Um, great for Andy? He agrees, though, and I would, too, if I were him. He wasn't going to go before and you only want to miss your prom if you're Too Cool like Conner.
In homeroom, Jessica is making posters because she's running for Prom Queen. Jess, you were already Prom Queen at least once last year. Need I remind you of the Jungle Prom, the magical vodka, and the death of your boyfriend? Do you really want all that again? She doesn't listen to me, though, and tells Tia that she has to make posters now that Trent has started a campaign on the student council message board for he and Tia to be king and queen. Tia freaks out when she finds out and calls Trent and shrieks like a banshee (or a Latina on a normal day) at him. He thinks that she doesn't like the slogan and suggests one about diversity...because he's black and she's hispanic. She lets him know that she does NOT want to be Prom Queen and then figures out that he's Hoopster, the one that started this whole mess. She forgives him, though, and he doesn't learn anything because he thinks to himself, It was a good thing he still had a few surprises in store for her. And thankfully, they were surprises that couldn't possibly go wrong. *Head meets desk*
Andy e-mails Tia to let her know that he and Six are going to drive separately to the prom because it's a six person limo and they don't know that Trent has a smelly horsey surprise for Tia just yet. In the e-mail he says that he wishes that Dave was going with him instead. Tia the Meddler forwards that part of the e-mail to Dave and suggests that he come to the prom with them and surprise Andy. I'm calling complete shenanigans on this. First of all, prom tickets were expensive at my school and I doubt someone would shell out the money to surprise his significant other who he's in the middle of a fight with; second of all, we had to give the name of our date, especially if they didn't go to our school; third of all, no one from outside our school could come without being the date of a student. Stupid freaking Sweet Valley.
Frick. I just realized that I'm only wearing one earring. I searched my office, but I haven't seen it. I spun my What Would Lila Fowler Do? wheel, but she'd simply buy herself something new. Sometimes that wheel does not work for me.
Back to this, though. It's finally The Final Prom Night! Everyone is at the Wakefields' house ready to take pictures, including Tia's and Trent's parents, but Trent isn't there yet. He's forty-five minutes late. Ned finally suggests that they start taking pictures anyway. I would have suggested this early on because Trent doesn't have to be there for the couple shots of Liz and Jeff and Jess and Jeremy. Jeff needs to get Liz's corsage from the car so she walks out with him. He opens the glove compartment and the corsage box along with a bunch of papers come flying out. Liz picks up the papers and of course the top one is his rejection letter from NYU and she happens to see the keywords: unfortunately; regrettfully; declined. Oh, she's MAD. He tries to excuse his lies because he didn't want her to think that he was a failure and stupid. She doesn't care if he's a dumb failure, but she does care that he's been lying to her. She's also mad that he assumed that she'd judge him (HAHAHA, what?) and didn't trust her with the truth.
Elizabeth, just a month ago you were considering breaking up with Jeffrey for Conner who wasn't even interested in you. As I recall quite clearly, you lied to Jeffrey a lot. Or fibbed at the least. I'm not saying that this isn't worse, but come on! I bet that Jeffrey didn't want a shoulder pat from you when he confessed about NYU.
They go back inside just before everyone hears clip-clopping coming up the street. It's Trent in the carriage. Tia wishes that they could ride in the limo with their friends as planned, but decides to be a good sport, thinking that maybe they could still ride in it after the prom. After all, the horses would have to go to sleep sometime, and they couldn't stay up until after the dance. What? Why would you ever think that? Tia is mortified by the wreath when he pulls that sucker out. He starts jamming it into her french twist that the hairdresser spent an hour on, until Jessica shoves him out of the way to do it more gently. They whisper together and Tia wants to know if it's horrible; Jessica tactfully says that she looks "Roman". The women all try to smother laughs, even Tia's mom, which makes Tia even more miserable. Finally, they take off in the carriage, but instead of going to Maria's preprom party, Head Trauma has another surprise! They're skipping the party and going to the fanciest french restaurant in town, Les Deux Canards, which freetranslation.com translates to "The Two Ducks". Fascinating. Also, didn't Jessica pick Le Chateau for her parents' 25th anniversary two books ago? Wasn't IT supposed to be a fancy French restaurant? How many of these do they have in Sweet Valley? Tia tries to put on a happy face, but really wishes that she was at Maria's. Also, she's discovering the head trauma evidence.
In the limo, Jessica tries to play peacemaker since Liz is making it obvious that she's hella pissed at Jeff. They pick up Dave who is instantly uncomfortable because of Jeff and Liz.
At the restaurant, Tia has to run back to the carriage to get her purse. Guess what she steps in! The maitre'd is rude because they're high school students, this is a ritzy place, and she smells like poo. Also, she's wearing a wreath. After they're seated, she rushes to the bathroom and cleans off her shoe. She also removes the wreath. When Trent asks about it, she lies that it was too heavy. Luckily Tia knows a little French because that's what the menu is in...oh and it doesn't list prices. They order chicken and fish, but Tia's fish is a whole freaking fish. She doesn't even want to cut into the darn thing. Trent's chicken apparently doesn't look like chicken, but like brown mush. They ask for the check and don't request to take the boxes home. Really? I mean, assuming that it would stay good in the carriage, maybe your parents might not be so picky and actually will eat it? Anyway, Trent has to borrow $20 from Tia (all that she has with her) because his $100 wasn't enough. Way to plan ahead, Head Trauma.
Everyone arrives at the beach for the prom. Dave goes for a walk because he hasn't seen Andy and he's tired of all the Sweet Valley drama. Jess and Tia go to dance with their boyfriends after Tia bitches about Head Trauma's surprises, but Liz avoids Jeff by grabbing Andy to dance. After a little while of this, Jeff asks Six to dance and they move right over to dance a few feet away from Liz and Andy. Six tries to ask his advice about talking to Matt, but he interrupts her to say that she should just go for it and make a move. She's a bit confused because she didn't get to finish her question, but decides to listen to him anyway. Jeffrey follows his own advice and asks to cut in on Liz. She bitches at him, but does let Andy go off on his own and dances with Jeff. She tells him how creepy it was that not only had he been doing nothing but lying to her for a couple weeks, but that he'd actually gone to the trouble of making a fake document from Guidance. BUSTED, JEFFY! She tells him that he has a lot to figure out and I do a happy dance as she breaks up with him. She just doesn't feel that way for him anymore (even though two freaking weeks ago she was ignoring her sister's problems to just chat with him on the phone for hours). He gets mad and leaves.
Andy finds Six crying. She found Matt, flirted, and just when he was going to kiss her his ex-girlfriend came up and he went for a walk on the beach with her. Andy comforts her and just as she leans to kiss him on the cheek, he turns his head and they kiss on the lips. Just as Dave walks up. Then runs away. A friend of mine in college used to ask girls to kiss him on the cheek and then he'd turn his head to get them on the mouth. I'm the only one who never fell for it. It was fun to watch, though. So Andy chases after Dave and they make up because Dave's worried that Andy will resent him if he doesn't make it in NYC and Andy realizes that Dave DOES care about him. Woohoo.
Tia and Trent finally have their big blow up after they're announced as Prom Queen and King. She starts crying on stage because she's so mad at the situation. She runs off the stage and hears Melissa Fox complain about them winning. Tia's like, "Bitch, you want it? You can have it!" and she throws her tiara at Melissa. Trent goes after her for their blow up. She realizes that he was trying really hard and it's not his fault that he has head trauma, so she forgives him and sees the humor in the situation. Good for them. They'll make some cute mentally challenged children one day.
Liz walks to the rock wall at the beach and hears music playing. It's Conner and his guitar. When ToddPunch came to pick up his sister, Megan, he twisted off the distributor cap so that TBT couldn't drive his sister to the prom. Instead Conner has to drive them because he would never let someone else drive his Mustang. Also because he must've heard that Todd's trying to lose his virginity and it won't be with HIS sister. Keep in mind that it's just 3-4 months from now that Todd pulls that crap on Liz. Anyway, Liz jokingly asks Conner if he wants to dance and is surprised when he agrees. They slow dance together and THEN. THEY. KISS!!!!!!
I know most people hate Conner, but in this series I always wanted he and Liz together, so I'M SO HAPPY! Conner's handwriting reads: "Deja vu. Todd and Megan can find their own way home." I hope this means that they're having some makey-outey time in the back of his Mustang.
And there we go. Next up is Senior Cut Day.
I cringed through this entire book, but the end made it all worth it.
Everyone (except Conner) is excited about the prom! Here's there plan: Liz & Jeff, Jess & Jeremy, Andy & Dave, and Tia & Trent will all meet at the Wakefields' house for pictures, limo over to Maria's house for a pre-prom party, and limo to the beach prom. Sounds like fun. I'm sure that nothing will happen to screw these plans up.
Elizabeth diaries about finding Jeff's paper from Guidance that says he was rejected by NYU...she's sure that he wouldn't lie to her...maybe there was a mistake and it's her duty to let him know that she saw it so that they can get the mistake fixed. Good ol' Saint Liz to the rescue! She shows it to him and asks him if Guidance was just wrong. He jumps on that and claims that he didn't even notice the mistake, but that he'd make sure that they were set straight. Liz mutters something under her breath like, "So it WAS a mistake." Jeffrey doesn't quite hear her, but when he asks her to repeat it, she makes up something else. He senses that she's suspicious or else he's just projecting onto her, so he realizes that he needs to prove that he did get in to NYU. Only he didn't. Right. Anyway, Liz asks about the article that he'd begged her to give him for the Oracle's final issue of the year and he's forgotten all about it, but promises that he's almost done. You're just racking up the lies today, aren't you, Jeffy?
A bunch of the gang have all independently meandered over to House of Java while Jeremy's working. Tia announces that she was accepted by Americorps...yeah, Tee, this isn't THAT great. I've known two people to work for it out of college and both HATED their experiences. Peace Corps didn't want you, huh? Too bad. They're respected, at least. Here is what happens at HOJ:
1. Andy says that he's going to move to New York and try to make it as a stand-up comedian; coincidentally, his boyfriend, Dave, will be going there, too, to attend Columbia University.
2. Jeffrey goes nutso listing all the bad things about NYC and how it's dangerous, filthy, and basically blasts Andy (and Dave, who's sitting there, too, and getting uncomfortable) for choosing to go there.
3. Everyone gets pissed at Jeffrey, including Liz who tries kicking her dumb boyfriend under the table to get him to stop his tirade; he doesn't.
4. Prom King and Queen; SVH has a rule that only SVH students can be king/queen, so the gang laments that Awesome Melissa Fox and her Cheating Jerk boyfriend, Will Simmons, will definitely get it because most couples are dating people from other schools. Tia says that she doesn't want Melissa to get it or to get the full page picture in the yearbook. Trent jokes that he'll paste her face and his over Melissa's and Will's, and she thinks that's a great idea.
Okay, I don't get why people have a problem with the school policy. They complain that the king and queen are usually couples, so it's unfair to so many students. WTF?! If a girl from another school had won the Homecoming Queen title at my school (we didn't have Prom King/Queen), just because her boyfriend was voted in as king, every girl at my school would have gone into Super Massive PMS RAGE! Also, couples never won king/queen at my school, it was always just the most popular guy/gal.
Anyway, HOJ leads to the following:
1. Liz bitches at Jeffrey for being an asshole. He lies and says that it's end-of-the-school-year stress.
2. Andy and Dave discuss Andy's New York plan; Dave worries over what Andy's going to do to earn a living while he makes no money at open mic nights. Andy starts thinking that Dave doesn't want Andy to live in New York near him, and their conversation ends awkwardly when he drops Dave at his house.
3. It hits Trent that he's not going to see Tia for a whole 10-12 months while she's doing Americorps. He also knows that she didn't keep up a long-distance relationship with her last boyfriend, Angel. From this and what she said about wanting him to glue their faces over M & W's pictures, Trent decides that he needs to make this a really special night for her. Oh, Trent. Did you sustain head trauma in that car accident you had a couple books ago? You must have to post an anonymous bulletin from "Hoopster" on the SVH Student Council Online Message Board asking that students petition the student government to do away with the SVH students only being able to be king/queen.
4. Liz diaries that she's tired of the way Jeffrey is acting and writes this: I want my old boyfriend back. I laughed out loud when I read that. Oh, really, Liz? Which one? Conner? Todd? One of the guys that you cheated with? We need lists of all the guys that Liz and Jess have kissed or made out with in their life just to keep them all straight.
The next day Jeffrey sets out to prove to Liz that he got into NYU by showing her a new copy of the one she saw yesterday, this time saying that NYU accepted him. She doesn't care because she mostly trusted him yesterday. He's a little bent out of shape that she didn't care, especially after he spent an hour with white-out and his scanner to make this look legit. If Jessica or Melissa did this, I'd be incredibly amused, but Jeffrey is being such an asshole that I can't wait for Elizabeth to find out about this and give him a look of disdain or something. She tells him that she needs his article by Monday.
Trent lets Jeremy in on the petition he's started at SVH and Jeremy wisely thinks that maybe Tia wouldn't go for this, but Trent is dumb as a brick from all the head trauma and insists that she'll love it.
At a prom committee meeting, Maria, the student council president, tells everyone about Trent's petition, though they don't know it's his. She says that they voted to bring it to the administration and she's sure that it'll get changed. The girls think that this is a good idea (I don't), but Tia tells them that the whole thing is stupid and agrees to vote for Jessica / Jeremy because she hates all kinds of pageantry type things. Oh, boy. I hope that no drama ensues from this!
Jeremy and Trent go to pick out their tuxes and order corsages. Like a good boy scout, Jeremy has detailed instructions from Jessica that he follows to the letter. Trent rags on him for this, but Jeremy sensibly says that he wouldn't know what flowers to pick and this way Jess gets exactly what she wants. Head Trauma Trent laughs this off and thinks that Jeremy is foolish for not being like him. Um, like what, Head Trauma? Not brain damaged? Despite concern from Jeremy and the girl that works there, Trent decides to forego the normal corsage and get Tia a HEAD WREATH. He thinks to himself that Tia will look gorgeous and Jeremy doesn't know anything. He'd bet if Jessica were there, SHE'D want a wreath, too. No. If she'd wanted one, she would have sent Errand Boy Jeremy to make sure that she had it. She does not want a wreath. Wreaths are for Renaissance fairs. Does Jess seem like the Ren Fair type to you, Head Trauma?
Andy and Dave shop for tuxedos; Andy wants one with coat tails. Um, cool? Dave wants the standard, boring tux, and Andy thinks about how Dave doesn't like calling attention to himself, but Andy loves calling attention to HIMself. Gosh, they're so different! How can they ever make this work? Andy's also still whining in his head about how Dave doesn't want him to go to NYC. They approach the man who works there to put in their orders and the guy asks if they made sure that the tuxes matches their dates' dresses. Andy asks Dave if he's wearing a dress, but the guy doesn't get the joke. Dave tells the guy that they're sure before Andy can announce to this stranger that they're a gay couple. In the parking lot, Andy bitches Dave out for not wanting people to know that they're together. Dave sorta tries to explain himself, but Andy just keeps bitch bitch bitching. Finally he says that maybe Dave shouldn't come to the prom with him and Dave agrees because these SVH kids are bat crazy. Andy immediately regrets this, but instead of thinking that maybe HE should apologize, he thinks Dave should. Logic is not a course taught at SVH.
Jeff's in charge of renting the limo for the group and I'm concerned because he keeps screwing everything up lately, but he actually does go there. Trent meets him there and tells him to rent a six-person limo because he wants to surprise Tia with her own limo. Jeff agrees because he doesn't want Head Trauma along anymore than I do. Trent quickly finds out that the smallest limo that he can rent is a 12-15 person one because Jeff got the last small one, but the woman says that they have something else available: a horsedrawn carriage! Head Trauma thinks that this is AWESOME and knows that Tia will love it. I get a headache because I want to hit him in the head until his brain cells regenerate. If they don't regenerate and he dies, that's fine, too.
Tia talks to Trent on the phone and tells him that she knows what she wants for a corsage and for his tux, but he's already taken care of it. She's bummed because this is HER PROM (not his) and she wanted some input. She tells herself that it isn't a big deal because he went with Jeremy and she knows exactly what Jessica requested and she liked that corsage a lot. She asks if he got her a wrist corsage because her dress is strappy and there's no way to pin a corsage on; he says that he did NOT get a pin-on corsage.
On Saturday night, Liz is at home and doesn't want to hang out with Jeffrey when he calls. She lies that she has too much work to do, but really she's sick of his new personality. When they get off the phone, Jeffrey decides that he needs to write that article...or use one of his old essays! Yeah! He goes to her house early on Sunday morning (no one in Sweet Valley goes to church unless it's for a wedding...even Liz's funeral was held at SVH when Nora killed Margo) and surprises her with breakfast and his paper. Liz is less than impressed with an essay on Catcher in the Rye and tells him so. At first he tries to play it like it's perfect for the newspaper, but she points out that it isn't NEWS. He promises to get something else to her. The next day he does, an article about high school students being expected to know what to do with the rest of their life before starting college...the topic that Liz had originally suggested to him, but he was uninterested in writing about, confident that he could come up with something better. Was Jeffrey in the trunk during Trent's accident? Liz is pleased and this has smoothed things between them.
Andy eats with his ex-girlfriend, Six, and complains about Dave, but she reasonably says that it sounds like he's the one who went apeshit. I actually liked Six a lot before the whole Andy's Gay storyline came about and they broke up and she disappeared, but her name is stupid. I mean, naming her Seven or Nine still would have brought up memories of Blossom to me, but did they have to completely copy it? Anyway, Six says that she likes this guy Matt Fogel, who has just broken up with his girlfriend, and she has a great idea! She (a sophomore) will go with Andy to the prom as his date and try to get with Matt! Um, great for Andy? He agrees, though, and I would, too, if I were him. He wasn't going to go before and you only want to miss your prom if you're Too Cool like Conner.
In homeroom, Jessica is making posters because she's running for Prom Queen. Jess, you were already Prom Queen at least once last year. Need I remind you of the Jungle Prom, the magical vodka, and the death of your boyfriend? Do you really want all that again? She doesn't listen to me, though, and tells Tia that she has to make posters now that Trent has started a campaign on the student council message board for he and Tia to be king and queen. Tia freaks out when she finds out and calls Trent and shrieks like a banshee (or a Latina on a normal day) at him. He thinks that she doesn't like the slogan and suggests one about diversity...because he's black and she's hispanic. She lets him know that she does NOT want to be Prom Queen and then figures out that he's Hoopster, the one that started this whole mess. She forgives him, though, and he doesn't learn anything because he thinks to himself, It was a good thing he still had a few surprises in store for her. And thankfully, they were surprises that couldn't possibly go wrong. *Head meets desk*
Andy e-mails Tia to let her know that he and Six are going to drive separately to the prom because it's a six person limo and they don't know that Trent has a smelly horsey surprise for Tia just yet. In the e-mail he says that he wishes that Dave was going with him instead. Tia the Meddler forwards that part of the e-mail to Dave and suggests that he come to the prom with them and surprise Andy. I'm calling complete shenanigans on this. First of all, prom tickets were expensive at my school and I doubt someone would shell out the money to surprise his significant other who he's in the middle of a fight with; second of all, we had to give the name of our date, especially if they didn't go to our school; third of all, no one from outside our school could come without being the date of a student. Stupid freaking Sweet Valley.
Frick. I just realized that I'm only wearing one earring. I searched my office, but I haven't seen it. I spun my What Would Lila Fowler Do? wheel, but she'd simply buy herself something new. Sometimes that wheel does not work for me.
Back to this, though. It's finally The Final Prom Night! Everyone is at the Wakefields' house ready to take pictures, including Tia's and Trent's parents, but Trent isn't there yet. He's forty-five minutes late. Ned finally suggests that they start taking pictures anyway. I would have suggested this early on because Trent doesn't have to be there for the couple shots of Liz and Jeff and Jess and Jeremy. Jeff needs to get Liz's corsage from the car so she walks out with him. He opens the glove compartment and the corsage box along with a bunch of papers come flying out. Liz picks up the papers and of course the top one is his rejection letter from NYU and she happens to see the keywords: unfortunately; regrettfully; declined. Oh, she's MAD. He tries to excuse his lies because he didn't want her to think that he was a failure and stupid. She doesn't care if he's a dumb failure, but she does care that he's been lying to her. She's also mad that he assumed that she'd judge him (HAHAHA, what?) and didn't trust her with the truth.
Elizabeth, just a month ago you were considering breaking up with Jeffrey for Conner who wasn't even interested in you. As I recall quite clearly, you lied to Jeffrey a lot. Or fibbed at the least. I'm not saying that this isn't worse, but come on! I bet that Jeffrey didn't want a shoulder pat from you when he confessed about NYU.
They go back inside just before everyone hears clip-clopping coming up the street. It's Trent in the carriage. Tia wishes that they could ride in the limo with their friends as planned, but decides to be a good sport, thinking that maybe they could still ride in it after the prom. After all, the horses would have to go to sleep sometime, and they couldn't stay up until after the dance. What? Why would you ever think that? Tia is mortified by the wreath when he pulls that sucker out. He starts jamming it into her french twist that the hairdresser spent an hour on, until Jessica shoves him out of the way to do it more gently. They whisper together and Tia wants to know if it's horrible; Jessica tactfully says that she looks "Roman". The women all try to smother laughs, even Tia's mom, which makes Tia even more miserable. Finally, they take off in the carriage, but instead of going to Maria's preprom party, Head Trauma has another surprise! They're skipping the party and going to the fanciest french restaurant in town, Les Deux Canards, which freetranslation.com translates to "The Two Ducks". Fascinating. Also, didn't Jessica pick Le Chateau for her parents' 25th anniversary two books ago? Wasn't IT supposed to be a fancy French restaurant? How many of these do they have in Sweet Valley? Tia tries to put on a happy face, but really wishes that she was at Maria's. Also, she's discovering the head trauma evidence.
In the limo, Jessica tries to play peacemaker since Liz is making it obvious that she's hella pissed at Jeff. They pick up Dave who is instantly uncomfortable because of Jeff and Liz.
At the restaurant, Tia has to run back to the carriage to get her purse. Guess what she steps in! The maitre'd is rude because they're high school students, this is a ritzy place, and she smells like poo. Also, she's wearing a wreath. After they're seated, she rushes to the bathroom and cleans off her shoe. She also removes the wreath. When Trent asks about it, she lies that it was too heavy. Luckily Tia knows a little French because that's what the menu is in...oh and it doesn't list prices. They order chicken and fish, but Tia's fish is a whole freaking fish. She doesn't even want to cut into the darn thing. Trent's chicken apparently doesn't look like chicken, but like brown mush. They ask for the check and don't request to take the boxes home. Really? I mean, assuming that it would stay good in the carriage, maybe your parents might not be so picky and actually will eat it? Anyway, Trent has to borrow $20 from Tia (all that she has with her) because his $100 wasn't enough. Way to plan ahead, Head Trauma.
Everyone arrives at the beach for the prom. Dave goes for a walk because he hasn't seen Andy and he's tired of all the Sweet Valley drama. Jess and Tia go to dance with their boyfriends after Tia bitches about Head Trauma's surprises, but Liz avoids Jeff by grabbing Andy to dance. After a little while of this, Jeff asks Six to dance and they move right over to dance a few feet away from Liz and Andy. Six tries to ask his advice about talking to Matt, but he interrupts her to say that she should just go for it and make a move. She's a bit confused because she didn't get to finish her question, but decides to listen to him anyway. Jeffrey follows his own advice and asks to cut in on Liz. She bitches at him, but does let Andy go off on his own and dances with Jeff. She tells him how creepy it was that not only had he been doing nothing but lying to her for a couple weeks, but that he'd actually gone to the trouble of making a fake document from Guidance. BUSTED, JEFFY! She tells him that he has a lot to figure out and I do a happy dance as she breaks up with him. She just doesn't feel that way for him anymore (even though two freaking weeks ago she was ignoring her sister's problems to just chat with him on the phone for hours). He gets mad and leaves.
Andy finds Six crying. She found Matt, flirted, and just when he was going to kiss her his ex-girlfriend came up and he went for a walk on the beach with her. Andy comforts her and just as she leans to kiss him on the cheek, he turns his head and they kiss on the lips. Just as Dave walks up. Then runs away. A friend of mine in college used to ask girls to kiss him on the cheek and then he'd turn his head to get them on the mouth. I'm the only one who never fell for it. It was fun to watch, though. So Andy chases after Dave and they make up because Dave's worried that Andy will resent him if he doesn't make it in NYC and Andy realizes that Dave DOES care about him. Woohoo.
Tia and Trent finally have their big blow up after they're announced as Prom Queen and King. She starts crying on stage because she's so mad at the situation. She runs off the stage and hears Melissa Fox complain about them winning. Tia's like, "Bitch, you want it? You can have it!" and she throws her tiara at Melissa. Trent goes after her for their blow up. She realizes that he was trying really hard and it's not his fault that he has head trauma, so she forgives him and sees the humor in the situation. Good for them. They'll make some cute mentally challenged children one day.
Liz walks to the rock wall at the beach and hears music playing. It's Conner and his guitar. When ToddPunch came to pick up his sister, Megan, he twisted off the distributor cap so that TBT couldn't drive his sister to the prom. Instead Conner has to drive them because he would never let someone else drive his Mustang. Also because he must've heard that Todd's trying to lose his virginity and it won't be with HIS sister. Keep in mind that it's just 3-4 months from now that Todd pulls that crap on Liz. Anyway, Liz jokingly asks Conner if he wants to dance and is surprised when he agrees. They slow dance together and THEN. THEY. KISS!!!!!!
I know most people hate Conner, but in this series I always wanted he and Liz together, so I'M SO HAPPY! Conner's handwriting reads: "Deja vu. Todd and Megan can find their own way home." I hope this means that they're having some makey-outey time in the back of his Mustang.
And there we go. Next up is Senior Cut Day.