SVU Thriller Edition #6 - The Roommate
This is the Sweet Valley book that the movie Single White Female threw up all over. It’s all about Isabella Ricci (I keep wanting to call her Isabella Rosselini, something about the name & the short hair), with a little Jessica thrown in for good measure. Firstly, though, um, although I’m aware this book is a blatant rip-off of it, I actually haven’t seen Single White Female. Stop throwing things at me! I'm tempted to just read up on it on Wikipedia or something, but then my references will be fake and stilted (and possibly innacurate). So we’ll have to go over the similarities in the comments when those of you who’ve seen SWF read this. Here be the cover:
PS: Don't even LOOK at the below poll until you read the recap!...I would have put it in the LJ cut but it wouldn't cooperate. UPDATE: Gawd, I'm sorry, I have no idea how to make this poll work.
We start the book with Isabella (aka Lila-lite) ending her birthday with a date with her boyfriend, Danny (Afro-American martyr/superstar, circa SVU #1). Danny super-romantically offers Isabella a diamond ring, and before he can say anything about it, Isabella’s already screamed out her undying devotion in a chorus of “Yes, yes, Danny Wyatt, I’ll marry you!”s. (Why do people always say their partner’s names in full when marriage is proposed? Are they afraid someone with the same first name is in the vicinity overhearing and getting excited over nothing?)
Except Danny kind of…wasn’t proposing. Oops. He was offering Isabella an heirloom ring that originally belonged to his great-grandma (I hope this isn’t going to be construed as racist, but wouldn’t his great-grandma have lived in pre-civil war times? How could she afford a diamond ring..?). Despite Isabella’s extreme jumping of the gun, I can’t blame her here. Danny needs a good slap. What kind of asshat offers a girl a diamond ring in a romantic setting without proposing, or without at least some sort of disclaimer beforehand? A stupid asshat, that’s what kind. Danny’s all “Whps, sorreh! Mai bd. Waznt proposn. Marrij iz big commtmnt. Yw unstnd…don’t yw?” And Isabella’s like, “I’m crushed inside, but smiling bravely to avoid looking desperate and clingy”.
The next day, Jessica and Isabella visit their local hair salon to get free haircuts. The reason for the freeness is that there’s a new trainee working. The trainee girl has hacked-up orange hair, a year’s supply of eyeliner on, and is stroking her hair-cuttin’ shears a little too enthusiastically. Jessica wisely backs out of the haircut (after “sentimentally” playing with her “spun gold” hair. Puh-leez). Isabella is a braver soul and gets in the chair. Unfortunately, her gamble doesn’t pay off. Her hair gets hacked to bits and she ends up with an uneven pixie-length cut (I imagine something like this; I don’t care what Grazia magazine says, it’s really not working for me). Isabella is not happy. I can imagine, this has been a pretty crappy two days. In fact, in SV-land, where boyfriends and image are EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!!!, a non-proposal/bad-haircut combo qualifies as major-league tragedy. PS: I now take back my “Lila-lite” assessment. Lila would never need to sit for a free haircut.
More crapness in the weekend of ultimate crapness: on the way home, Isabella almost crashes into another car. Luckily, she misses it, but she does hit the curb and crunch her car up pretty bad. Now she’s all debty. What’s a girl to do to get some extra cash? Why, get an insane, life-stealy roommate of course! Awesome! Let’s go shopping, y’all! *Shopping montage/end shopping montage.*
By the way, Jessica has a new boyfriend who’s she’s feeling serious about. His name is Josh and he just transferred from UCLA. This is almost B-story material, except for the fact that it intersects with the A-story so much it’d be weird to tack it on afterwards. Jess takes Josh out for breakfast with Liz and Tom, and Jess cutely gets the sweats wanting their approval. Jess thinks about how Liz and Tom are ‘worse than mom & dad’ in these sorts of situations. If I was Jessica, I wouldn’t care about their opinion. Sif Liz wasn’t mounting the undead a few books ago. What right does she have to judge Jessica’s choices? Anyway, all goes well and LizTom are approvy because Josh wants to study English and Journalism (and therefore be like them…judgemental, passionless, bad-at-writing clones. No offense to those of you who study English and Journalism; it's only LizTom that make it that way).
After some over-the-top-ly unsuitable roommate candidates (including a nose-ringed gal who practices drums from 6-8am and a girl who actually brings a moving van to the interview), Isabella meets mousy, stringy-haired Lisa Fontaine and thinks she seems pretty normal. She’s hired. Bad idea, Isabella, didn’t you read the back cover of this book?
Everything about Lisa is described with words like ‘dull’ and ‘plain’. She’s wearing BROWN and she has hazel eyes. FAIL!!! She says she is from New York, but doesn’t show much knowledge of New York. For your reference, I will begin compiling a list of behaviours to avoid when searching for a roommate. Suspicious behaviour #1: fake past.
With a bit of time in Lisa’s headspace, we find she is very shy and self-effacing, and thinks that gorgeous, fashion model-y Isabella must be ‘revolted’ at the sight of her. Take a chill pill, she just invited you to live with her, Lisa. You can’t be that bad. Can’t the Thetas give you a makeover followed by a pillow fight or something? Lisa is socially awkward and asks Isabella stuff like “Are you popular?”. Then when Isabella comments on her pretty rosewood box and asks about it, Lisa shrieks “It’s none of your business!” and snatches it away. Suspicious behaviours #2 & #3: inappropriate questions and schizophrenia.
Jessica and Josh have a picnic in a park near the SVU campus. It’s revealed that Jess is kind of hiding Josh from her friends (except Liz and Tom, I guess) because she feels like Josh is almost too good to be true and wants to make sure he’s not a creep before she makes a big deal of him. I can kind of understand that, since so far all her university relationships have been complete disasters. Jessica is wearing a denim halter top…just thought I’d note that, because...ew. Jessica notes a hot girl in a bikini skating by on rollerblades, and points her out - trying to get Josh to show a flaw, I suppose. Josh stares at the girl and Jess thinks she has him cornered, but it turns out he just wants to exclaim over her awesome ‘blades. Jess is mollified and thinks maybe she really has found a winner this time. Yup. Or maybe he's gay.
Snapping back to Isabella and Lisa…Isabella apologises for touching Lisa’s personal things and thinks to herself: Lisa was like a timid caterpillar, trapped safely in her own little cocoon. What would it take to get her out of her shell? Isabella takes Lisa to the basement to metamorphose show her the laundry room that she never uses, because it’s gross and dirty. She mentions to Lisa that the elevator is not working well and that these days she usually takes the stairs, to avoid her fear of being stuck in an elevator (*cough* this may become important later). Isabella suggests they become friends and Lisa is all incredulous and “You want to be friends with me?”. Isabella seems to be taking it upon herself to take Lisa under her wing (cool, another insect allusion). The book mentions how Lisa seems oddly at home amongst the gross odors and rats down in the basement. Girls, there’s clearly a message to be learned here. If you wear brown, you pretty much are a rodent. So choose your wardrobe wisely. Lisa finds some tools down there and uses them to make herself handy at Isabella’s, by fixing the cappuccino maker and junk. A female being useful with tools = big no-no. She must be crazy, y'all.
In the next chapter at Theta House, Izzy laments to Jessica about how introspective Lisa is and how she finds it odd. Jess suggests that maybe Isabella try and give Lisa a chance anyway (…who is this person that the ghostwriter has replaced our dear, judgemental Jess with?). The Theta sisters tell Isabella that her new hair actually looks really good on her, and then tease Jess a bit, trying to pump her for information about her new boytoy. But Jess still wants to keep ol’ Josh to herself for the moment.
In the next section, the ghostie writes from Lisa’s (3rd person) POV for the first time. Lisa basically thinks about how perfect and tasteful and beautiful Isabella and her house are and how lucky she (Lisa) is to be there, but how she doesn’t fit in ‘cause she’s all gross and dirty and sallow and non-makeup-wearing. Lisa felt like a walking garbage heap spreading ugliness wherever she went. Homegirl has issues. Lisa likes how Isabella calls her her 'roommate'. There was a magical sound to it - a comforting ring that resounded pleasantly in Lisa’s mind. There was a connection between her and Isabella. She belonged to Isabella. She was Isabella’s roommate. Gosh, if you want to get all gaga over titles Isabella calls you, Lisa, at least choose 'friend', not 'roommate'...roommate does not necessarily a fondness create, believe me. Isabella suggests that since Lisa’s clothes haven’t arrived yet from NYU, they should go shopping. I knew there’d be a shopping montage in here somewhere!
On their shopping trip, Lisa is disproportionately excited, and Isabella wonders why the normal Sweet Valley mall impresses Lisa when she must have seen a lot more upscale stores in NY. I refer the reader’s attention back to Suspicious Behaviour #1. Lisa picks out some hideous outfits to try on (like a shapeless blue-and-green plaid dress with a lace collar..words fail), but Isabella tries to steer her to some classier digs. With an expert eye, Isabella scanned a nearby rack and found a double-breasted black blazer with silver buttons and a matching slim skirt. Uh, they’re in college. Did this book steal SWF’s Power-80s wardrobe as well? That kind of clothing seems kind of corporate for a university campus. What do you want to bet the blazer has huge shoulder pads? Anyway, as always in Sweet Valley, once frumpy Lisa puts on the suit and stands up straight, she miraculously becomes attractive. Under her shapeless dresses, the body and cheekbones of a supermodel have lurked!..blah blah blah. After their day of shopping, Lisa, on a cloud of happiness, suggests that she & Izzy go out to the movies that night. Isabella apologetically tells her she has plans with Danny. Lisa goes stony-faced and retreats back into herself 'like a turtl'e'. Suspicious Behaviour #4 - jealousy over all your other relationships (and laying of eggs near the shore).
Elizabeth boringly takes enthusiastic Josh on a tour of the WSVU newsroom with Jessica in tow. Jess reflects the reader’s boredom, and Elizabeth acts like she’s curing cancer or something. I think this short, pointless scene is thrown in so we know Josh is a good guy or something, or to give us more reasons to hate Elizabeth and her lameness.
Danny shows up to get Isabella that evening and meets Lisa for the first time. Isabella mentions that Lisa is shy, but Danny finds her ‘utterly reclusive’. Still feeling guilty about the diamond ring debacle, Danny gives Izzy a present - a tiny black kitten born only 3 weeks ago (shouldn’t kittens be separated from their mothers only after 6 weeks or more? Tsk for cat care, Danny). Lisa immediately suggests they should call her 'Rosie'. When Isaballa & Danny leave, Lisa weirdly dances around the room with the cat to Billie Holiday and imagines what it would be like to have a boyfriend like Danny. She also notes to herself how fragile Rosie’s ribcage feels, and how easy it would be to crush. Bitch!!! Don’t you dare be hatin’. I love kittens. They are cute and fuzzy and mewy and lovable and YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO THEIR ADORABLENESS! *breathes heavily* Anyway, mainly Lisa thinks about how perfect Isabella is and how she wishes she could be her.
The next day, Isabella jokes to Jessica that she’s not sure she believes she even has a boyfriend anymore. Jess decides enough is enough, and invites Isabella (and Lisa, for some reason) to meet Josh the next day.
Lisa makes Isabella a gourmet lunch (finding out her schedule by raiding Isabella’s drawers for her timetable - natch). While she’s waiting for Izzy, she hears Danny leave a message on the machine asking Isabella to meet him at the dining hall for lunch. Not wanting her plans to be spoiled, Lisa deletes the message. Dun-dunn.
In a super-short scene, Jess kind of paranoidly accuses Liz of being attracted to Josh because Liz is being so nice to him. Liz assures Jess that she is not trying to steal Josh, and besides, she finds Josh a little too ‘pretty’ and likes ‘realer’ looking guys - crooked noses and big ears give a person character. YOU ARE SO SANCTIMONIOUS, LIZ! How come you’re always dating the hottest guy at school/on campus then? Anyway, I think this is supposed to give us a taste of how head-over-heels (and rabidly jealous) Jessica is getting over Josh.
Isabella gets home and thinks about how much Lisa’s changed in the past few days - not a total Betty, but a vast improvement. She asks if Danny’s called and Lisa says no. Isabella asks about Lisa’s classes, but Lisa brushes her off. Suspicious Behaviour #5 - roommate does not seem to be involved in activities she said she’d be involved in. Lisa starts asking a lot of questions about Danny. Isabella realizes she is feeling kind of emotionally neglected by Danny’s not wanting to marry her. Lisa reveals she has never even been on a date before. Izzy is surprised, and Lisa says cryptically that her parents kept her under lock and key when she was a kid. Izzy asks more about her family, and Lisa says she had a twin sister who died at birth, then clams up about the whole thing. They both decide to be each other’s 'pretend sisters'. This might be cute if they weren’t college-age. Yuck, why do Stacey McGill and Charlotte Johansson come to mind? Yeah, you know what I mean. Reading Sweet Valley and The Babysitters Club go hand in hand. If only Stacey were in this book, she'd expose Lisa for the non-New Yorker she is! Did Stacey mention she's from New York, you guys?
Isabella and Lisa meet Jessica the next day at a café. Jessica thinks to herself that Lisa isn’t at all introverted as Izzy described her, but actually reminds her a lot of Isabella - stylish and engaging. You idiot, Jess, that’s because Lisa has already begun the slow process of stealing Izzy’s life. Isn’t it obvious? Well, it should be to you, you have so much experience with these things.
Isabella tries to get a cappuccino from a waitress, but they all ignore her. Lisa stands up, glares, and assertively yells out that she wants a cappuccino now. The waitresses clamour to serve them. Isabella is kind of shocked at seeing this side of Lisa, but Jessica predictably thinks it’s awesome. Then all of a sudden Isabella’s face brightens and she hugs a guy who’s approached them. It turns out it’s Jessica's Josh, and Iz and Josh dated for a long time back in high school. Jess’ insides turn all jealous and squidgy. Seriously, get a grip, Jessica! They’re old friends is all. Josh takes off and Isabella leaves soon after, though to her credit she does pick up on Jessica's jealousy and assures her it's so over, and she'd never go after her man. Lisa and Jess are left alone, and Lisa doesn’t waste any time planting seeds of doubt in Jessica’s mind about Isabella and Josh. Bitch! Then when she gets home and Danny calls for Isabella, Lisa mentions how they ran into one of Isabella’s old boyfriends that day and they seemed really happy to see each other. Way to go, Lisa. I guess you're a true Sweet Valley gal now. Isn't it funny how all the bitchy behaviour Lisa displays is supposed to alert us to the fact that she's insane, when Jessica did this sort of stuff every day in Sweet Valley High?
When Isabella gets home, Lisa mentions how Danny called and sounded mad. Isabella gets all pissed off that Danny doesn’t want a serious commitment (marriage), but still acts like he owns her (note: this is probably because he keeps calling but Lisa's deleting all the messages). Lisa suggests Isabella not call him back and Isabella takes her advice. Pfft, don’t take advice from Lisa, Izzy. She's never even had a date! Seriously, I’m warning all readers against following crap like The Rules - when my relationship was going through a slow/rut-like patch, I started using them, and me and my boyfriend almost broke up over me acting so ‘distant’. Just be yourself!!!! Be yourself until it hurts and he's gasping for air!!!
Isabella falls asleep and then Danny calls again, waking her up. She’s all groggy and weird on the phone and he gets suspicious, asking her to meet him in 15 minutes. Isabella goes to get dressed and can’t find a pullover she wants to wear. She goes to Lisa’s closet to see if she’s borrowed it...and finds the pullover and tons of her other clothes in there. She gets angry that Lisa is over-sharing. Then Izzy goes back to her own wardrobe and finds the pullover again…dun dunnn…and all of the same stuff is there. That's right, Lisa has bought duplicates of most of Isabella's wardrobe items! Why would she doooo this? Man, this alone would alert me to my roommate's insanity. Lisa would be out the door.
Isabella meets Danny. He notices she seems distraught and keeps talking about how Lisa bought duplicates of her clothes, but Danny thinks deep down that the distraughtness is more to do with seeing Josh than with Lisa. *Headtopalm* Izzy suggests that Lisa has psychological problems (good call there). Danny completely misses the seriousness of the conversation, being temporarily blinded with thoughts of Izzy and Josh. Danny asks point-blank about Josh, suggesting they’re together again, and Izzy gets pissed off and stalks away. Smooth, Danny.
On the way home, Isabella starts to calm down and thinks maybe Danny had a point about her overreacting about Lisa. Isabella stops at the campus bookstore to get Danny a cute apology card or something, then stops when she notices a woman who has her exact (disastrous) haircut and seems to walk and dress the same as her. Then she realizes it’s Lisa…she’s cut her hair just like Isabella’s. Dun dunn!
Isabella's intuition goes into overdrive and she realises she needs to talk to someone. She crosses Danny off the list, but then realises she has the perfect person to talk to - Jessica. Isabella runs to Jessica's dorm, but Elizabeth informs her that Jess is out with her new friend tonight - Lisa. DUN DUNNN!!!!!
In the next scene, Jessica shows Lisa around the Theta house. Of course, Jessica just thinks Lisa's new hair looks cute and doesn't pick up on the fact that she's PLAGIARIZING ISABELLA'S BEING (PIB)! At the house, the sisters discuss going to a Zeta (frat) party that night. Jessica invites Lisa, then asks Lisa to remind Izzy about it (...we all know how that's gonna go). Lisa cranks it up a notch and mentions Isabella and Josh again, saying "Isabella's hardly talked about anything else since they ran into each other!" This does not make Jessica happy.
Isabella walks around campus for a while, fretting and getting angry. When she gets home, Lisa is running around in high heels and a (duplicate) silver dress of Isabella's, making Danny coffee. They're all giggly together, and Isabella mindleaps that Danny wants to play the field with other girls. The anger gets ahold of Izzy, and when Lisa asks what she thinks of her hair, Isabella replies "I think it makes you look like you stuck your head in a cuisinart". Snap! Danny is 'disappointed' in Izzy and tells her how Lisa spent the day fixing her dishwasher. Whatever. Lisa is PIB, Danny! Get a clue. Once Lisa 'goes to bed' (except really to the Zeta party), Isabella tells Danny how she feels like Lisa is PIB, but Danny says she just looks up to her, is all. Isabella suggests that Lisa is obsessed with her, but Danny 'pulled his hand away. "I think if anyone's obsessed here, it's you".' Say it with me now: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lisa goes to the Zeta party and feels awkward, but then by (figuratively) stepping into Isabella's skin, she forces herself to relax. She introduces herself to someone as "Isabella's sister - I mean roommate", and Jessica doesn't even pick up on it. The idiot. Turns out Josh hasn't shown to the party, so to freak Jessica out more, Lisa tells her the reason that Izzy didn't come tonight was "She had to meet someone somewhere - but she wouldnt tell me any more than that".
The next day at Theta house, the other sisters are frowny towards Isabella for missing the Zeta party. A sister is leaving, so they're opening up nominations for new members (pfft, is this really how a sorority works? Something tells me it'd be a lot harder to get in than this. I thought they had complicated pledge seasons and stuff). Alison Quinn (bitch supreme) nominates someone and - surprise, surprise - Jessica nominates Lisa. Dun dunn!! Isabella is freaked out and tries to talk to Jessica about how weird Lisa has been, but Jessica just acts really cold and bitchy. Why would Isabella be threatened by Lisa joining the Thetas? Jessica knew Isabella well enough to realize that some major upheaval was taking place in her life, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was causing the turmoil. It was Josh. No, it doesn't take a rocket scientist, just a very stupid girl.
Isabella calls Danny, needing some support about the whole Lisa/Jessica thing. Danny is an asshole and tells her she needs serious help, and that he can't meet her until tomorrow. *Punches Danny*
When Isabella comes home, Lisa tries to talk to her but Isabella is cold to her. For some reason Lisa thinks Isabella is sick and makes her some food to get well. She's sort of sweet in an evil, life-stealing way. Isabella falls asleep and (after worrying that she's dead) Lisa thinks she looks peaceful. Lisa thinks to herself that she and Isabella are like twins now, then puts on Isabella's hoop earrings & French perfume, and scoots off to Danny's dorm room to make out with him in the dark. Natch! ...yeah, I kid you not. If they're twins then that is one fucked up family.
Danny finds Lisa's makeyoutyness hot, but feels like 'something' is missing (a soul?). When Lisa tries to 'go too far' (sexness), Danny stops her. Snort. What college universe is this set in? Danny says they should meet for breakfast instead of lunch the next day, then Lisa leaves.
Of course, not having been there last night to know the change of plans, Isabella stands Danny up. Instead, Lisa shows up. Lisa thinks to herself that Danny was just 'playing the game perfectly' the night before, and really he knew it was Lisa and not Isabella. Hilarious: Any good boyfriend would be able to tell the difference between his girlfriend and an impostor. Lisa thinks to herself that Isabella won't mind her stealing her boyfriend since she has Josh. Then she imagines the double dates they could go on. Hee! I love this girl's crazy logic! Lisa approaches Danny and tries to get him to break up with Isabella. Danny doesn't really buy it - but still doesn't pick up on Lisa's evility despite her breaky uppy efforts and her just happening to be there for breakfast. Whatevs. I'm making some cupcakes in protest of Danny's ridiculousness.
(My cookies 'n' cream protest babycakes...mmm)
Lisa gets a manicure and shows off her long, red nails to Isabella. In a fury, refusing to be Lisa's twin, Isabella removes all her polish and clips her beautiful nails right down to the fingertip. Gasp! (Gawd, that's what my nails look like all the time. How do people with long nails type, open cans, play guitar?) Izzy goes to meet Danny for lunch at the coffeehouse, but of course he's not there. :( for Isabella. Since she's been distraught, she's not even dressed well. Horrors!
Lisa runs into Josh, who tells her he has to cancel his plans to go to Malibu with Jessica that weekend to do some work at WSVU. He's gonna tell Jessica in a romantic note. Lisa offers to deliver the note, and for some reason Josh lets her. Lisa mentions how she saw Isabella looking really upset at the coffeehouse just before, and hams it up so that Josh feels so worried he goes to see her. Then Lisa conveniently runs into Jess and suggests they go to the coffeehouse for lunch. She gives Jess the note, right before she and Jess run into Izzy and Josh looking all close in the coffeehouse. He has his hand on hers. Jessica freaks, and leaves in classic Sweet Valley style - without confronting them or sticking around to hear the logical explanation that could unravel Lisa's evil plots right then and there.
Danny calls the apartment but Lisa says Isabella (who is asleep) is not there. Lisa is still deleting all Danny's messages. A glimpse into her past - Lisa thinks about how she was given electric shock therapy in 'the place she had lived before'. She tells Danny she needs to tell him something in person, then goes over to his room.
Isabella once more goes over to Jessica's to try and talk to her, but Jess screams at her and tells her to leave.
Lisa tells Danny Izzy's been cheating on him, then hugs him tightly to 'console' him. She sees Isabella coming up the hall to talk to Danny, and angles it so it looks really bad and Izzy catches a peek. Isabella runs away and sinks into a pool of despair. Heh, that was meant to be figurative, but she does hang out at a pond. She catches a glimpse of her 'wild-eyed, dishevelled and insecure' reflection in the water and realises that now Lisa is the one who is poised and beautiful...and it's no accident. Dun-dunnn.
Josh comes to Jessica's dorm to hang, but she's super angry. He's all "Gee, I didn't know you'd take it so hard". Of course, he's talking about the Malibu plans being cancelled, but she's screaming at him because of the cheating. It's one of those charming mix-ups that you just want to slap both characters over. Jess yells that she never wants to see Josh again as long as she lives.
Isabella gets back to her room and decides on a plan. She'll box up all of Lisa's stuff and leave it downstairs, then call a locksmith to change the locks. All before Lisa gets home. :( Yep, this'll go well...poor, naive Isabella. Isabella finds the rosewood box from earlier again, and decides to look inside. Guess what she finds? That's right. A HUMAN HEAD.
Naw, just kidding. But she does find the stolen answering machine tapes, and several old-looking letters addressed to a Helen Mueller. Isabella also finds a bunch of pictures of an old farmhouse and a frozen pond. Then she finds an article titled 'Mueller Twin Found Dead". DUN DUNNNN! The newspaper is from Minnesota and details how 9 y.o. Rosie Mueller was found frozen to death in an old water well near the house. It reports that Rosie was declared missing by her twin sister Helen after the two went to play in the woods one day. Can you guess who Helen Mueller is?...(PS: If you think the name 'Mueller' sounds familiar, you are correct. What's with SV and recycling names?)
Jessica goes to Alison Bitch Quinn so they can 'help each other out'. Since Lisa is the favourite for Theta, there's not much chance of Alison's nomination getting in - unless another sister leaves. And Jessica wants Isabella blackballed. Gasp. Lol, I love Alison's reaction: "It sounds like a backstabbing good time. I wouldn't miss it for the world". The girls' plan is to mention to the other sorority sisters how Isabella's grooming standards have dropped. Why, it's positively diabolical! Seriously, what vapid, superficial women.
Isabella finds a photo of the twin girls, and now there's no doubt that Lisa is, in fact, Helen Mueller. In the photo, Rosie meets the camera head-on and looks all bright and happy; Helen looks away awkwardly/shyly. Isabella is just about to start reading Helen/Lisa's old letters when Lisa comes home. DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
Somehow, Isabella escapes from the room before Lisa gets in, and Lisa is left to find Rosie the cat clawing holes in her boots. Lisa descends on Rosie in a fury.
Isabella tries to find some more info on Lisa at the SVU registrar's office. She asks for the phone number of a Lisa Fontaine. Surprise - there's no one listed under that name! Or Helen Mueller! See, if Isabella had just taken heed of Suspicious Behaviour #1...
At home Lisa's dark mood passes and she talks to Jess for a while on the phone about the Theta election. Then she looks in her box (...the wooden one! Get your mind out of the gutter) and realises everything is out of order. She freaks out and starts chopping the heads off flowers. The 'black mood', as she calls it, from years back, creeps into her mind again. The first time she remembers it coming up was when Rosie came home with a perfect report card when they were 8, while Helen had gotten in trouble and failed all her classes. Her parents punished her by locking her in the cellar and calling her 'the evil one'. Pretty harsh. Lisa remembers back to the day they were playing Hide & Seek in the woods and Rosie fell down the well. Rosie orderes Helen/Lisa to get her out with a branch or something, but Helen/Lisa just...doesn't. She thinks about being in the dark cellar with the rats and spiders and wants Rosie to suffer the same way. The black mood comes and she leaves Rosie there, then lies about it later.
Isabella runs to talk to Danny again and tries to tell him about Helen Mueller, but he cruelly doesn't listen and just laments about how much she's changed. Yes, Danny, your girlfriend no longer wearing lipstick is the pressing issue here. Isabella goes back to her apartment, deciding she's going to take Rosie and leave. Instead she finds dead flower heads all over the doorstep, and Rosie's dead body in a bloody heap in the bushes. Isabella freaks out. She goes to Theta house to spend the night in the guest room, but Alison McBitchburger turns her away. Isabella spends the night in the student union. Why wouldn't she go to the police?! Seems the logical step. Oh right, to keep this ridiculous plot going. In the morning, when Izzy catches Lisa leaving the apartment, she runs up to pack a suitcase. But of course, Lisa finds her. Dun. Dun. Dun DUNNNNNNN.
Lisa acts all bitchy to Isabella and slaps her when she tries to run for the door. She binds Isabella's hands together with duct tape, then does her mouth (with the tape, gross-mind). Lisa indicates she's been locked up before, then leaves the TV on for Isabella (how considerate) while she goes to see 'her boyfriend Danny'.
Jessica is hangin' at the sorority house while Alison chatters away about how devastated Isabella looked the night before. Deep down, Jessica is starting to feel bad and misses Isabella. Then Josh turns up to talk to Jessica. She decides to hear him out. He's all "I cancelled my plans, so now we can go to Malibu after all! Yay!" and Jessica's like, "Uh, what about your new girlfriend Isabella?". They manage to unravell some stuff, like how Lisa insisted Josh go talk to Isabella that day and that she give Jessica the letter. Jessica realises that there's something weird going on with Lisa. Well, better late than never.
Isabella, all tied up and alone, tries to think of a plan to get out of the room. She tries to call 911 (oh NOW you call them), thinking that even though she can't speak they could trace the call, but the phone's been disconnected. The only other thing she can think of is to turn the volume on the TV remote up as loud as it'll go, hoping someone will hear her and rescue her. Isabella, honey, if you can do that with your hands, can't you scooch to the door and open it?
Lisa goes crying to Danny, saying that Isabella assaulted her and is spreading lies about her. Danny's response: "Isabella has a lot of problems, and I just can't deal with her right now". What a prize. Lisa outright suggests that she and Danny get together, and Danny does a double take. Lisa's eyes sank deep into their sockets, full of expectations and demands that he had no intention of ever meeting. Danny says no, but Lisa reminds him of that night she came in while he was sleeping. Now he gets it. Everything adds up. Clap, clap, Danny. Hahaha - Danny: "You've ruined my life!" Lisa: "Should we go out to dinner? I know a little place on the beach you might like". Danny grabs his car keys and runs to go find Isabella.
Jessica has the same thing in mind, and bursts into Isabella's apartment after hearing heavy metal blasting loudly. She finds Isabella all tied up and tries to help her, but Lisa appears out of nowhere and puts a knife to Jessica's throat. Lisa ties Jessica up and shoves her in a closet. I must say, Lisa's timing is impeccable. Timing must be one of the criteria for being an evil killer. Lisa forces Isabella to write a fake suicide note. Jessica shouts for help in the closet and Lisa goes to tape her mouth shut. Isabella seizes her chance and slips quietly out through the door into the elevator to get help.
Unfortunately (did you remember the important-later broken elevator?), although Isabella pushes the button for the lobby, the elevator continues down to the basement.
Danny goes to Isabella's and finds a lady in the lobby named Nancy Mueller, who is looking for her niece Helen - her niece who escaped from a mental institution two weeks ago. For some reason, although Danny knows this is Lisa, he says he can't help her and runs to Isabella's apartment. He could have told Nancy to call the cops! It's like the people in this book are allergic to the law.
Lisa realises Izzy is gone and runs to the basement after seeing on the elevator that the lift is down there. She goes all Hide & Seek on Isabella's ass, then finds her. In typical evil murderer style, instead of seizing her chance there to kill Isabella, she starts telling Isabella her life story. She's deluding that Isabella is Rosie, and she's all "Oh Rosie, mom and dad always loved you, but they hated me".
Danny finds Jessica tied up in Isabella's apartment. Jessica goes to call the police and Danny goes to the basement to save Isabella. He fails though, cos Lisa knocks him out with a metal pipe. Isabella backs into the elevator and pushes all the buttons, but it does nothing. Lisa comes in and the elevator starts moving. Isabella freaks out from her elevator fear and the fact that Lisa's trying to choke her to death. But then Lisa goes ultra-deludy and thinks she hears Rosie calling from the bottom of the elevator shaft. She tries to climb down there. Isabella tries to stop her by grabbing her hand, but Lisa releases her grip and falls to her doom to save "Rosie".
And all's well that ends well. Nancy Mueller is never mentioned again, so I don't know why they bothered to shove in that brief scene with her. Jessica and Danny apologise profusely (as they should) for being such asshats. Danny proposes to Isabella. She smiles and her answer is "not now, but someday". I know this is meant to be romantic, but I like to imagine she's secretly thinking "No way, you psycho-believing, chance-missing betrayer".
Well, from this book we can glean a few things - 1. Roommates are scary, & 2. Danny and Jessica are assholes. Hey, quick poll. Do you think Lisa is evil? (This is where I would have put the poll if LJ had let me, grrr...)
Now, lessons to be learned. People, if you're considering a new roommate, develop a very thorough screening process. Girls, if your best friend starts acting out of character and appears to be cheating on you with your boyfriend, don't immediately vilify her - there may be an evil doppelganger invovled. Investigate the matter further. Guys, if your girlfriend stops wearing pretty clothes, consider the same.
:) That's all. And sorry for the extreme length of this 'cap - it's so hard for me to be succinct when it comes to important issues like Sweet Valley! My apologies if the text size isn't consistent, some weird editing stuff happened while putting this together and I couldn't get it to be normal again.
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Poll Lisa's Evilness - Present or Not Present?