Sweet Valley Twins #107: The Twins Hit Hollywood!
The exclamation is part of the title. Do not blame me. Now for my first entry, I'd rather have done a a SVH book, or even SVU, but I'm lazy, and I found a bunch of SVT books I had. Also theres less of them to read. I love how on the cover Elizabeth looks aghast, but not enough to actually do anything to prevent the hair cut. And the blurbs says "Its Hollywood- and the competition is fierce." Nice try Francine but you are no Tyra Banks.
So basically, in the last issue the twins had film a Corny-O's commercial, and despite their acting like diva bitches the commercial turned out okay. And they've only got 19 boxes left of their lifetime supply thanks to Steven. Way to go, fatass. Anyway, they get a letter in the mail from a casting agency who saw and enjoyed the commercial and want them to audition for "a major motion picture".
So they end up at the auditions in LA, and they are both suprised to find its crowded with twins and that they arent personally greeted (Elizabeth thought that they'd give her juice and ask her to recite Shakespeare. I KNOW.) They notice a few of the twins, The Pearson twins who are apparently really pretty and have amazing green eyes, and the Parker twins who dress like short bus people. Really. Take note. Pig Tails. Eventually the field is cut down and the Wakefields make it. Jessica is all "I need my apple juice!" so they go across the street to the cafe with a bunch of other people from the auditions. Where upon the one of the Peterson twins tries to hack off a chunk of Jess' hair. She fails but succeeds in taking out one of the GIlbert Twins (who has crazy long hair). Althrough this the Parker's (Tammy and Louise) are acting like old show biz hags all "watch out!" and "alls fair in Hollywood". Also the Gilbert twins dont get fired...cause apparently their survivors? I dont, if this was real, those bitches would have been sent home.
Elizabeth is freaked out and doesnt want to come back, but Jessica whines until she agrees.
The next day they have dance practice and test film, because the movie is a musical. Jess and Liz wear hairnets and the Parkers are all sleazing around and giving faux "Good move." compliments (also the pig tails are back, along with pink sweatshirts with name embroidary. SHORT BUS) . And the Pearson's reveal their true colors by attempting to sabatoge Elizabeth's dancing. Until during a break when one of the Pearson's drops a contact lens. That trifling ho had brown eyes! Liz totally lets Tammy crush the lens, and the Pearson's get cut, cause shes half blind now and cant dance, also she looks all freaky with the two colored eyes. And the Gilbert twins came back, with matching bobs, which is a big deal, because cutting their hair they cost themselves a lot of shampoo commercials. But thats the only way they could have continued (which I dont get. Different hair cuts doesnt mean their not identical. I mean their not playing the same part. Also why do they have to dress the same.). It doesnt matter cause everyone but Jessica and Elizabeth and the Parkers get cut anyway. Oooh. Showdown.
During this period the twins have their fantasies. Jessica imagines shes leaving the high life with Lila as her sniveling assistant. As if. Lila dont pull that shit. And Elizabeth wants to play a woman reporter in a noir so she fantasizes about that in. The fantasy shes fighting for a story opposite Todd who she refers to as her "Special Friend". Because Liz is a divorcee in a palm springs retirement community.
The best part of this book comes at this juncture. It is on between the Wakefields and the Parkers. They decide that the Parker's are gonna sabatoge them so they hit them back first. They get a sickly Steven (bribed with promises of Sports Cars and Vacation Homes, and a manager job) to stalk them and sneeze on them. I know. He corners them at a pizza place, but is thrown out by the owner for acting like a pervert. When they get home they are given shampoo from the studio. Jess tries it and its all black goo. Luckily they can get it out. They fire back by sending the Parker's fake script pages that have lots of screeching so they'll lose their voice. That doesnt work. The Parker's however cause them to lose sleep by setting a tape recording of literal catfights in their garden. So after staying up all night, Jess and Liz end up watching a late night movie staring the Parker Twins. Its called Lights Out and sounds awesomely bad. Its about a diva twelve year old singer who alienates everyone. And I'm sure thats a movie people want to see. Bitchy, famous twelve years old screeching at their moms. Yeah, turns out the Parkers made that when they were 12....4 years ago. Uh huh. Them bitches lied about their age (hence the overly childish outfits and pigtails)! And then their disqualified. So the Wakefields get the part.
But they have to deal with the star Connie Bryant, whom Jessica worships, but is a giant hose beast. She owns 51% of the movie and acts like it, firing people, demanding changes, cutting the twins out of scenes, making them dye their hair brown (it looks awful), making them wear brown contacts cause they look too exotic with the brown hair/turquoise eyes combo. She even changes the setting from a naval base to an army base cause she doesn’t look good in white (which pisses off the twins cause apparently the velvet sailor suits were cute). Bitch sounds like J.Lo on crack in Melanie Griffiths body. This movie sounds horribly by the way. Its a musical set during World War 2, and Connie is the star of the USO show, and the twins run away from grandmas to join her, and at one point they cry while shes in a coma. Anyway it sucks. The twins cant see their friends and they spend all their time on set studying. So Steven the manager, the kindly exec producer, and the write arrange an out. They convince Connie that the twins are too cute and she needs someone older...aka the Parkers, she goes along with it and the Twins are free. As a parting gift, they get to take a limo with all their friends to the SVH basketball game, and then to a Hollywood club called “Teen Trend”. They also get to keep the velvet sailor suits, which people stop to comment on how awesome they are and I’m all WTF. For all the shit the Parker’s and their overly childish wardrobe got, Velvet White Sailor Suits aren’t exactly fashionable. Anyway they go to the movie and it SUCKED. The Parker Twins were credited but got completely cut out. And Jessica notes that she sees School Nerd Cammie out, and thats apparently a big deal. Next book set up.
NOTE: Before the auditions, Jess dresses up like Connie Bryant by wearing jeans, a t-shirt, high heeled sandals, rhinestone cat’s-eye sunglasses, and a bouffant. Uh huh. She’s also disappointed by the director cause he looks like a normal forty-something, and she always assumed directors were hot. Yeah, because when I see George Lucas I’m like “Whoo hoo. Sexy beast.”