Mr. Collins If You're Nasty
I found SVH #6: Dangerous Love at a junk shop, and almost wasn't going to buy it, but then I remembered that these early books often had teasers in the back, which were never followed up on. Remember the character sketch of Lila, in which it was implied that her father was not really her father? IIRC, nothing ever came of that.
Anyway, this one has a character sketch of Mr. Collins If You're Nasty, so I'll post that first.
One of the nicest teachers at Sweet Valley High is ROGER COLLINS. (Their caps, not mine.) He's also the handsomest. With his strawberry-blond hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and athletic build, he could easily be a movie star. A lot of girls have crushes on him, but Mr. Collins knows how to handle those situations with grace and a sense of humor.
IOW, he totally gets off on it. Really, he sounds like he came out to California from Montana or someplace, wanting to be an actor, and fell into teaching because he had the looks but not enough talent or connections. So he settled for the adulation of being the Hot Hunky Teacher.
He teaches English. Also, he's the faculty adviser for The Oracle, for which Elizabeth is a reporter and gossip columnist. Mr. Collins and Elizabeth are close friends. She goes to him for advice whenever something is really troubling her. She knows she can count on Mr. Collins to help her make the right decision without lecturing or judging her. He's that kind of person -- easygoing, sensible, caring. He never treats her like a kid, either.
So he and Liz have an inappropriate relationship. She gets close to, if not over, the line, and he encourages it. "Never treats her like a kid--" That's a commonly used phrase when a teacher gets arrested and jailed for inappropriate conduct with a student.
And he's divorced from a woman named May. Loved her, but "couldn't ignore her wild behavior." Blatantly cheated on him, and often "passed out in the bedroom next to an empty bottle of wine." Wine?! Of course, Roger's number one concern was for Teddy, "the dearest person in the world to him." They divorced, May moved away, then came back and tried to get custody. Her only defense, besides "weeping on the witness stand," was the claim that Roger was "trying to get back at her by robbing her of their child." Of course, the judge "saw through her manipulations" and awarded Roger full custody. Sounds like Britney and K-Fed.
Then she kidnapped Teddy during one of her visitations, Roger was frantic, and found them two days later, "so happy to see his son, he didn't even try to stop May as she crept out the back door." I would get counseling for the kid, definitely.
And meanwhile, Roger has been dating Nora Dalton, but hedging his bets because she seems to be hiding something. And she used to date George Fowler, which of course is a red flag. Now, refresh my memory about this. I know in "Perfect Summer," Lila ambushed Nora with the knowledge that she was OMG DIVORCED, and her real name was DUNT DUNT DUNNNN BETH CURTIS, but was Beth/Nora involved with Collins at that time, or with Fowler?
Elizabeth suspects something is going on between Mr. Collins and Ms. Dalton, but she hasn't told Jessica. If Jessica knew, she wouldn't be so eager to babysit for Mr. Collins, on whom she's always had a semi-crush. And she wouldn't hesitate to break up that relationship by telling the entire school. Be careful, Mr. Collins!
So much wrong here. Liz should not know enough about any of her teachers to "suspect that something is going on." And although I'm not clear on why "telling the entire school" would break up Norager, why should Jessica even care? The whole thing makes my flesh crawl.
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On second thought, I don't feel like reviewing the whole book, just the Collins bits. So here goes!
Chapter 5: Liz is stressing about Todd giving rides on his motorcycle to other girls. She goes into the Oracle office, where RC "flashe(s) her a welcoming grin." The writer takes a moment to wank over his strawberry blond hair, blue crewneck sweater, jeans and a tweed jacket. "Especially handsome" is the term used. Okay, tweed in Cali? Well, perhaps SV is closer to the northern part of the state. But it's over 100 in L.A. right now, and I don't even want to think about tweed. Furthermore, jeans? Does any school allow teachers to wear jeans?
Anyway, Liz is brooding at the typewriter until RC "(came) up behind her and place(s) a gentle hand on her shoulder." Pulls up a chair, asks if she wants to talk. "In a way, notbing's wrong. But in another way, everything's wrong." He prods a bit more, and she spills it all out, like a normal teenager. Which is a relief, because that line I quoted sounds like she's thirty and in a rom-com talking to her gay pal. He reasons that bike rides do not a soulmate make, so this shouldn't split up Todd and her. But she's not quite convinced, which allows time for RC's "blue eyes watching her in a way that was friendly and reassuring."
I mean, come ON. First of all, what teacher even has the time, let alone the sensitivity, to notice that a student is upset, unless they're crying or punching the wall or something? Second, when convos like this do happen, they usually end with "That's great I see my advice worked moving on." Whether it did work or not. It's great to be caring, but RC is WAY too involved. Starting with that gentle hand on the shoulder. RC, however, goes on to say "Everyone has to deal with similar emotions at one time or another." Liz knows he means the whorish, drunken ex-wife, and is inspired to put the same cheerful face on things he does. But I wonder: how does she know so much about this?! NOT the kind of thing you want to share with a student, even, or perhaps especially, if they're also your babysitter.
Chapter 8: It's Enid's Sweet Sixteen party, and RC is a chaperone. Once again, he's introduced as "the handsome teacher." Liz corners him at the buffet table and says "I owe you one." Does no one remember that Liz is sixteen and RC is an adult AND in a position of authority over her? She recaps the convo she had with Todd, ending in "an almost conspiratorial whisper." RC replies, "My lips are sealed forever."
And finally, Chapter 10. Comatose Liz has been taken to the hospital, where the other four Wakefields are gathered. After Todd begs, weeping, for forgiveness and is verbally bitchslapped by Ned, RC arrives; Todd called him. Did he get the number from directory assistance, or does every SVH student already know it? And who's staying with Teddy? RC gets the lowdown from Nalice, tells the other teenagers "Nothing to see here; move along," then hunkers down to wait for further news. Alice tells him he doesn't have to stay, to which he replies, "Your daughter's a very special person to me." Instead of asking him WTF he means by that, Alice says, "Yes, she's spoken about you often."
Then he finds Todd brooding. "You look like you need a friend." Todd doesn't respond, and RC grabs him around the waist. This guy is made of inappropriate touching! He tells Todd not to live with guilt, after which Steven rushes in, looking for RC and ignoring Todd, because Liz has "taken a turn for the worse." Saint Roger goes on to smooth things over between the Wakefields and Todd, and to suggest Todd and Jess talk Liz out of her coma. So all in all, he does more good than harm, but MAN does he have boundary issues.
Anyway, this one has a character sketch of Mr. Collins If You're Nasty, so I'll post that first.
One of the nicest teachers at Sweet Valley High is ROGER COLLINS. (Their caps, not mine.) He's also the handsomest. With his strawberry-blond hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and athletic build, he could easily be a movie star. A lot of girls have crushes on him, but Mr. Collins knows how to handle those situations with grace and a sense of humor.
IOW, he totally gets off on it. Really, he sounds like he came out to California from Montana or someplace, wanting to be an actor, and fell into teaching because he had the looks but not enough talent or connections. So he settled for the adulation of being the Hot Hunky Teacher.
He teaches English. Also, he's the faculty adviser for The Oracle, for which Elizabeth is a reporter and gossip columnist. Mr. Collins and Elizabeth are close friends. She goes to him for advice whenever something is really troubling her. She knows she can count on Mr. Collins to help her make the right decision without lecturing or judging her. He's that kind of person -- easygoing, sensible, caring. He never treats her like a kid, either.
So he and Liz have an inappropriate relationship. She gets close to, if not over, the line, and he encourages it. "Never treats her like a kid--" That's a commonly used phrase when a teacher gets arrested and jailed for inappropriate conduct with a student.
And he's divorced from a woman named May. Loved her, but "couldn't ignore her wild behavior." Blatantly cheated on him, and often "passed out in the bedroom next to an empty bottle of wine." Wine?! Of course, Roger's number one concern was for Teddy, "the dearest person in the world to him." They divorced, May moved away, then came back and tried to get custody. Her only defense, besides "weeping on the witness stand," was the claim that Roger was "trying to get back at her by robbing her of their child." Of course, the judge "saw through her manipulations" and awarded Roger full custody. Sounds like Britney and K-Fed.
Then she kidnapped Teddy during one of her visitations, Roger was frantic, and found them two days later, "so happy to see his son, he didn't even try to stop May as she crept out the back door." I would get counseling for the kid, definitely.
And meanwhile, Roger has been dating Nora Dalton, but hedging his bets because she seems to be hiding something. And she used to date George Fowler, which of course is a red flag. Now, refresh my memory about this. I know in "Perfect Summer," Lila ambushed Nora with the knowledge that she was OMG DIVORCED, and her real name was DUNT DUNT DUNNNN BETH CURTIS, but was Beth/Nora involved with Collins at that time, or with Fowler?
Elizabeth suspects something is going on between Mr. Collins and Ms. Dalton, but she hasn't told Jessica. If Jessica knew, she wouldn't be so eager to babysit for Mr. Collins, on whom she's always had a semi-crush. And she wouldn't hesitate to break up that relationship by telling the entire school. Be careful, Mr. Collins!
So much wrong here. Liz should not know enough about any of her teachers to "suspect that something is going on." And although I'm not clear on why "telling the entire school" would break up Norager, why should Jessica even care? The whole thing makes my flesh crawl.
--------------------
On second thought, I don't feel like reviewing the whole book, just the Collins bits. So here goes!
Chapter 5: Liz is stressing about Todd giving rides on his motorcycle to other girls. She goes into the Oracle office, where RC "flashe(s) her a welcoming grin." The writer takes a moment to wank over his strawberry blond hair, blue crewneck sweater, jeans and a tweed jacket. "Especially handsome" is the term used. Okay, tweed in Cali? Well, perhaps SV is closer to the northern part of the state. But it's over 100 in L.A. right now, and I don't even want to think about tweed. Furthermore, jeans? Does any school allow teachers to wear jeans?
Anyway, Liz is brooding at the typewriter until RC "(came) up behind her and place(s) a gentle hand on her shoulder." Pulls up a chair, asks if she wants to talk. "In a way, notbing's wrong. But in another way, everything's wrong." He prods a bit more, and she spills it all out, like a normal teenager. Which is a relief, because that line I quoted sounds like she's thirty and in a rom-com talking to her gay pal. He reasons that bike rides do not a soulmate make, so this shouldn't split up Todd and her. But she's not quite convinced, which allows time for RC's "blue eyes watching her in a way that was friendly and reassuring."
I mean, come ON. First of all, what teacher even has the time, let alone the sensitivity, to notice that a student is upset, unless they're crying or punching the wall or something? Second, when convos like this do happen, they usually end with "That's great I see my advice worked moving on." Whether it did work or not. It's great to be caring, but RC is WAY too involved. Starting with that gentle hand on the shoulder. RC, however, goes on to say "Everyone has to deal with similar emotions at one time or another." Liz knows he means the whorish, drunken ex-wife, and is inspired to put the same cheerful face on things he does. But I wonder: how does she know so much about this?! NOT the kind of thing you want to share with a student, even, or perhaps especially, if they're also your babysitter.
Chapter 8: It's Enid's Sweet Sixteen party, and RC is a chaperone. Once again, he's introduced as "the handsome teacher." Liz corners him at the buffet table and says "I owe you one." Does no one remember that Liz is sixteen and RC is an adult AND in a position of authority over her? She recaps the convo she had with Todd, ending in "an almost conspiratorial whisper." RC replies, "My lips are sealed forever."
And finally, Chapter 10. Comatose Liz has been taken to the hospital, where the other four Wakefields are gathered. After Todd begs, weeping, for forgiveness and is verbally bitchslapped by Ned, RC arrives; Todd called him. Did he get the number from directory assistance, or does every SVH student already know it? And who's staying with Teddy? RC gets the lowdown from Nalice, tells the other teenagers "Nothing to see here; move along," then hunkers down to wait for further news. Alice tells him he doesn't have to stay, to which he replies, "Your daughter's a very special person to me." Instead of asking him WTF he means by that, Alice says, "Yes, she's spoken about you often."
Then he finds Todd brooding. "You look like you need a friend." Todd doesn't respond, and RC grabs him around the waist. This guy is made of inappropriate touching! He tells Todd not to live with guilt, after which Steven rushes in, looking for RC and ignoring Todd, because Liz has "taken a turn for the worse." Saint Roger goes on to smooth things over between the Wakefields and Todd, and to suggest Todd and Jess talk Liz out of her coma. So all in all, he does more good than harm, but MAN does he have boundary issues.