Sweet Valley High: Secrets 2008
Be gentle. It’s my first post, thought I’m a long time lurker.
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We open with Jessica still fuming receiving a pool push at the end of Double Love. The homecoming nominees are announced. I won’t bore you with the list since it’s the usual suspects. I do have a question - why is it mostly juniors? At my school, underclassmen had a court and the king and queen were seniors. Maybe at SVH, they change it every year to make sure a Wakefield can win. Jessica, Lila, and Cara say Enid was nominated because she’s dating the mysterious new boy, Ronnie Edwards. They evidently have amnesia, without a motorcycle accident, since he was in their sixth grade class.
Enid comes crying to Elizabeth wearing Juicy Couture. Seriously, Enid wearing Juicy Couture like she wouldn’t think that was a lip gloss flavor? Enid spills her guts to Liz about Geo. Why would he be called Geo? Evidently he’s now a rich boy, whose parents paid off the kid’s parents so they wouldn’t have to go to jail. I think that’s new. Enid knows Ronnie’s going to have problems with her having a friend who isn’t a girl, because he’s borderline psycho. Enid shows Liz the emails in a folder called “George”, seriously secret correspondence should be kept in a folder that’s not obvious if anyone sees it, like say “Geo”?
Jessica is spacing out in French class. Winston tries to save her, and Ken comes to both of their rescue. And tries to flirt with Ms. Dalton. Sigh, I’ve always liked Ken. There’s a reference to Bruce’s non-Porsche. Okay, calm down I’ll show you what I saw the other day on the way home.
In case, you can’t read it, the license plate is “2 Sylbl” I think she’s married to Bruce after he divorced Lila. But back to the story, Lila’s not happy that Ms. Dalton has the attention of both her father and her homecoming date. This is the one mention of Lila being in choir. L Cara gives Jessica the run down of which clique is voting for each girl. Enid may win because she’s all that. Jessica chases down Bruce, and he teases her as much as she enjoys teasing her boyfriends, but then he throws her at Winston.
Jessica goes home and bitches to Alice about Elizabeth and Enid. Alice actually acts like a parent. And in a departure from the original Jessica gets pink lemonade on a white t-shirt instead of a cherry tomato on a pink sweater. Why do I remember these things? I love how she goes upstairs but her room (not called the Hershey Bar “pouts”) is too messy so she goes to hang out in Liz’s room to check her email. She finds the email and forwards them to Ronnie. She finds the address on the SVH website with all the email addresses on it. SV Parenting 101: let your minor child’s email be published online.
E & T and E & R go on a double date to the movies. Todd notices how annoying Ronnie is acting. Maybe he should threaten to punch him. Then he gives Liz his varsity jacket. Aww, I always wanted a guy to give me his letter jacket. Liz remembers how Jess he tried to keep them apart. Um, Liz? She told you he tried to rape her, that’s a little more than tried to keep them apart. Todd kisses Liz, but it’s not one of his patented connect-the-dot kisses. Liz goes to check on Enid and to pat her on the shoulder. Enid goes home with Ronnie to talk to him, but this isn’t what he has in mind. However, we do find out why Ronnie is such a controlling jerk. His mother cheated on his father. See how divorce messes up a person in Sweet Valley?
Jess goes to a martini tasting at Lila’s. EWW (sorry, really don’t like those) I’m sure that’s how teenagers drink. Liz calls Enid and find out she’s P-I-S-S-E-D at Liz because Ronnie knows about Geo. Jess acts surprised and tells Liz that she shouldn’t be a doormat. I assume she means to people not named Jessica.
Jessica manipulates Ronnie into going to homecoming with her. I’m wondering why Lila bothered to invite him to her party. He’s not awesome enough to be there.
The next day at school everyone finds the Photo-shopped photo of Ken and Ms. Dalton. Liz is upset that anyone would treat a teacher disrespectfully. I think she’s upset that Ms. Dalton had Ken before her. Jessica pretends to try and patch things up between Enid and Liz. Jess gives us this pearl of wisdom: when dumped by a guy it’s important to look fabulous the next time you see him. Elizabeth wonders why patching things up involves Jessica and Ronnie dating. Because you are a clueless, doormat Liz.
Liz goes to cry on Mr. Collins’ shoulder about her problems. He, now, has horrible fashion sense to match his movie star looks. She and Olivia start gossiping (told you Liz isn’t any better than Jessica). Mr. Collins tells them to be quiet. He’s upset that they are discussing his best chance at a girlfriend, who isn’t a minor. Liz goes to talk to Winston and wonders why shallow cheerleader Jessica would like the gorgeous, rich Bruce better than comic relief Winston. Gee, I wonder. Liz and Todd go out on a date. Todd gives her the same advice as ol’ Roger. He says he has an earpiece and Mr. Collins is feeding Todd lines to tell Elizabeth. Let’s just imagine that for a second. Okay, yeah that is nasty. She goes home and finds out that they are right and it’s Jessica’s fault. You know after sixteen years, I would think the smart twin should know Jessica is guilty until proven innocent.
Enid and Nora run into each other at the grocery store, which does make more sense than going to her house. They bond over Starbucks and then Ms. Dalton tells Enid to do as she says not as she does. And Enid, actually doesn’t act like Liz the doormat and rips her a new one. Enid goes home to get ready for the dance. Surprisingly, Ken’s doppelganger shows up - George. I assume they look alike since they are both described as Abercrombie hot. They go to the dance. Enid makes up with Liz. Jess gets jealous that Enid shows up with a hot guy, because you have to be a blonde size four to date a cute guy. Ms. Dalton comes. I wish she had come with Ken. And Liz gets Winston elected Prom King. Because I always vote for the guy the Prom Queen would want to go out with. Yeah, I guess maybe Winston is all that instead of Enid.