Sweet Valley Kids #16: Jessica the TV Star
Sweet Valley Kids #16: Jessica the TV Star
Whoops! I skipped this one! I was too excited about the mystery dolls. I guess I kind of thought it’d been done already. Hasn’t Jessica been a TV star enough already? So much so that I’m starting to think the “instant celebrity status” tag doesn’t do her justice. We might need a “Jessica the Famewhore” one or something.
Now, before you say to yourself “I don’t need to read this recap, because I already know what happens” let me point out that not only is Jessica going to famewhore her ass off but she’s going to go about it through a TWIN SWITCH involving TRUSTY BOYFRIEND TODD all while being IN SECOND GRADE.
If only Tiny Crazy Margo tried to murder her while she was pretending to be Elizabeth, I would've had 1bruce1 bingo or someshit. Awesome!
Randomly, I love that the cover artist has drawn Jessica like she's about to give the "To Be or Not To Be" speech from Hamlet. Because, Sweet Valley TV Movie = Shakespeare. Obviously.
The book opens in the twins’ room. Elizabeth tells Jessica that she is sick, and Jessica fetches Alice. We’re told, ”The twins did so many things together that it was difficult for them to understand that one could feel sick and the other could feel OK.” It makes them sound like idiots who can’t fathom what “virus” means. ... which is probably true. Well played, ghostwriter! Anyway, Alice keeps Liz home that day. Jessica’s bracelet (that says her name on it) is also broken and Jessica jokes that no one will know if she’s Jessica or Elizabeth now. You’d think it’d be obvious. One wants to be famous through meddling with other people’s lives and the other just wants to be famous.
But, of course, no one can tell which twin Jessica is when she gets to school. Everyone thinks she’s Elizabeth. Jessica decides she’s going to be Elizabeth today!
Instead of saying “hi” to Lila when she arrives at school, she goes to hang out with Amy (DOWNGRADE!). Amy at first thinks she is Jessica but doesn’t see the Jessica bracelet so she’s all “Oh hai Liz.” Then when class starts, Todd whispers to “Liz” that he has a “secret” that he wants to share with only her. I BET IT’S HIS PENIS!
Okay, it’s not. He tells her later that some guy his parents know is making a TV movie and some of it is going to be filmed at Todd’s house! Because, really, why use a soundstage when you could use a random house in Sweet Valley! He tells her that they need just one girl for the scene and he wants it to be Liz. (I considered making a joke that the movie is porn, here, but let’s face it, if it were porn they’d want both twins.) Because he’s dumb, Todd is all “Don’t tell Jessica; she’s annoying!”
The next day, Liz is feeling better so she goes to school. Todd says to her, “Don’t forget about you-know-what” but Liz is just like “shrug; Todd is weird.” Well, she should know.
After school, Jessica puts on one of Elizabeth’s shirts and bikes over to Todd’s house. There she learns that the scene involves her sitting on the floor and watching TV with Todd. The phone rings and he answers it. Jessica wants to be the one to answer it! She wants a speaking part! So when the phone rings, she dives for it. Todd tells “Elizabeth” she is being bossy just like Jessica. This makes Jessica sad and angry. Todd has hurt her feelings. (But obviously not enough to keep her from making out with him several times in the future.)
The next day, Liz tries to talk to Todd and he gets all weird because he doesn’t want anyone else at school to know about the movie. Liz is like, “Damn that Todd is weird!”
Jessica is so excited about being on TV; she can’t keep it to herself. She’s not used to keeping secrets from Liz, we learn (ha!), so she goes and tells… Lila. Not that I object to bringing Lila into the story, but that makes no sense at all. Lila promises not to tell anyone about the TV movie, but she wants to come watch. Then Jessica tells Ellen. Jessica is kind of a blabbermouth.
After school, Liz goes to read her book. Jessica dresses up like “Liz” and heads over to Todd’s house. But when Liz is done reading, she comes downstairs. Alice says, “Didn’t you leave already, Liz?” I love that Alice can’t tell her kids apart at all ever. She’s made of fail. Liz is mad because she intended to go over to Todd’s house and ask him why he was acting so strange, but Jessica talked her out of it earlier. A grumpy Liz gets on her bike and pedals over to the Wilkins residence. For some reason, I find people storming off on bikes endlessly hilarious.
When Liz arrives at Todd’s house, she finds a crowd of kids from school mucking up the production. (Jessica thinks that Lila or Ellen told but I think Jessica told and then repressed it, since she’s such a blabbermouth. But my theories are neither here nor there.) Todd storms over to Liz and yells at her for telling everyone. Liz is all, “Come again?” And eventually the two geniuses put it together that Liz was absent on Tuesday and it has been Jessica pretending to be Liz all this time.
Todd and Liz confront Jessica, but they barely get a word in edgewise before the director comes. He sees the twins and immediately thinks it’s great. TWINS! A wonderful touch! He wants them both for the scene. (So maybe it is porn!) He also thought it was funny how LizJess and Todd argued over who got to answer the phone the previous day, so he asks Liz to do that again. Except this time the real Liz does it, and Jessica ends up the only one without a line. She pouts.
The next and final chapter is entitled “Jessica Learns a Lesson.” I’m not sure what this lesson is. Liz the Doormat immediately forgives her so the lesson could be “twin switching is all right!” And it’s not like she learned to stop being a famewhore, because well, see the above-mentioned recaps. Basically, I think the lesson is keep doing what you’re doing, Jessica, but try not to blab about it next time and it might actually work out for you! Oh, and Todd is stupid and won’t know if you’re pretending to be his girlfriend! That lesson, indeed, will come in useful during the Secret Diary phase!
Jessica talks about all the wonderful things she’s going to buy when she’s a big movie star, and Caroline Pearce/Pierce mentions her awesome porcelain doll collection. I think we all know where this is going....
Whoops! I skipped this one! I was too excited about the mystery dolls. I guess I kind of thought it’d been done already. Hasn’t Jessica been a TV star enough already? So much so that I’m starting to think the “instant celebrity status” tag doesn’t do her justice. We might need a “Jessica the Famewhore” one or something.
Now, before you say to yourself “I don’t need to read this recap, because I already know what happens” let me point out that not only is Jessica going to famewhore her ass off but she’s going to go about it through a TWIN SWITCH involving TRUSTY BOYFRIEND TODD all while being IN SECOND GRADE.
If only Tiny Crazy Margo tried to murder her while she was pretending to be Elizabeth, I would've had 1bruce1 bingo or someshit. Awesome!
Randomly, I love that the cover artist has drawn Jessica like she's about to give the "To Be or Not To Be" speech from Hamlet. Because, Sweet Valley TV Movie = Shakespeare. Obviously.
The book opens in the twins’ room. Elizabeth tells Jessica that she is sick, and Jessica fetches Alice. We’re told, ”The twins did so many things together that it was difficult for them to understand that one could feel sick and the other could feel OK.” It makes them sound like idiots who can’t fathom what “virus” means. ... which is probably true. Well played, ghostwriter! Anyway, Alice keeps Liz home that day. Jessica’s bracelet (that says her name on it) is also broken and Jessica jokes that no one will know if she’s Jessica or Elizabeth now. You’d think it’d be obvious. One wants to be famous through meddling with other people’s lives and the other just wants to be famous.
But, of course, no one can tell which twin Jessica is when she gets to school. Everyone thinks she’s Elizabeth. Jessica decides she’s going to be Elizabeth today!
Instead of saying “hi” to Lila when she arrives at school, she goes to hang out with Amy (DOWNGRADE!). Amy at first thinks she is Jessica but doesn’t see the Jessica bracelet so she’s all “Oh hai Liz.” Then when class starts, Todd whispers to “Liz” that he has a “secret” that he wants to share with only her. I BET IT’S HIS PENIS!
Okay, it’s not. He tells her later that some guy his parents know is making a TV movie and some of it is going to be filmed at Todd’s house! Because, really, why use a soundstage when you could use a random house in Sweet Valley! He tells her that they need just one girl for the scene and he wants it to be Liz. (I considered making a joke that the movie is porn, here, but let’s face it, if it were porn they’d want both twins.) Because he’s dumb, Todd is all “Don’t tell Jessica; she’s annoying!”
The next day, Liz is feeling better so she goes to school. Todd says to her, “Don’t forget about you-know-what” but Liz is just like “shrug; Todd is weird.” Well, she should know.
After school, Jessica puts on one of Elizabeth’s shirts and bikes over to Todd’s house. There she learns that the scene involves her sitting on the floor and watching TV with Todd. The phone rings and he answers it. Jessica wants to be the one to answer it! She wants a speaking part! So when the phone rings, she dives for it. Todd tells “Elizabeth” she is being bossy just like Jessica. This makes Jessica sad and angry. Todd has hurt her feelings. (But obviously not enough to keep her from making out with him several times in the future.)
The next day, Liz tries to talk to Todd and he gets all weird because he doesn’t want anyone else at school to know about the movie. Liz is like, “Damn that Todd is weird!”
Jessica is so excited about being on TV; she can’t keep it to herself. She’s not used to keeping secrets from Liz, we learn (ha!), so she goes and tells… Lila. Not that I object to bringing Lila into the story, but that makes no sense at all. Lila promises not to tell anyone about the TV movie, but she wants to come watch. Then Jessica tells Ellen. Jessica is kind of a blabbermouth.
After school, Liz goes to read her book. Jessica dresses up like “Liz” and heads over to Todd’s house. But when Liz is done reading, she comes downstairs. Alice says, “Didn’t you leave already, Liz?” I love that Alice can’t tell her kids apart at all ever. She’s made of fail. Liz is mad because she intended to go over to Todd’s house and ask him why he was acting so strange, but Jessica talked her out of it earlier. A grumpy Liz gets on her bike and pedals over to the Wilkins residence. For some reason, I find people storming off on bikes endlessly hilarious.
When Liz arrives at Todd’s house, she finds a crowd of kids from school mucking up the production. (Jessica thinks that Lila or Ellen told but I think Jessica told and then repressed it, since she’s such a blabbermouth. But my theories are neither here nor there.) Todd storms over to Liz and yells at her for telling everyone. Liz is all, “Come again?” And eventually the two geniuses put it together that Liz was absent on Tuesday and it has been Jessica pretending to be Liz all this time.
Todd and Liz confront Jessica, but they barely get a word in edgewise before the director comes. He sees the twins and immediately thinks it’s great. TWINS! A wonderful touch! He wants them both for the scene. (So maybe it is porn!) He also thought it was funny how LizJess and Todd argued over who got to answer the phone the previous day, so he asks Liz to do that again. Except this time the real Liz does it, and Jessica ends up the only one without a line. She pouts.
The next and final chapter is entitled “Jessica Learns a Lesson.” I’m not sure what this lesson is. Liz the Doormat immediately forgives her so the lesson could be “twin switching is all right!” And it’s not like she learned to stop being a famewhore, because well, see the above-mentioned recaps. Basically, I think the lesson is keep doing what you’re doing, Jessica, but try not to blab about it next time and it might actually work out for you! Oh, and Todd is stupid and won’t know if you’re pretending to be his girlfriend! That lesson, indeed, will come in useful during the Secret Diary phase!
Jessica talks about all the wonderful things she’s going to buy when she’s a big movie star, and Caroline Pearce/Pierce mentions her awesome porcelain doll collection. I think we all know where this is going....