SVU Thriller Editon #2: He's Watching You
This gem of a book starts off with Sad!Jessica and Elizabeth discussing wardrobe choices. Jessica isn’t excited about clothes, partying, or leaving her room. What? This can’t be perfect size 6 (oh sorry, size 4, Sweet Valley Senior Year) Jessica Wakefield. But apparently Jess is still sad over her almost rape by James Montgomery.
But Liz mentions that Tom is going to take them to the Green Duck, which is supposed to be some fancy restaurant, but instead sounds like a place where they sell bongs. And Jess cheers right up. Who knew that the key to getting over sexual assault is an overpriced dinner?
Meanwhile, William White is stuck in the looney bin and is not happy about it. Is it screwed up I have always pictured William White as Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Anyone else? No? Okay. I’m just a weirdo. Moving on….William decides that basically everyone in Elizabeth’s life has to die.
A nurse named Andrea helps him sneak out. Yes, he’s totally banging her, I’m sure. Being choked and called a slutty bitch does turn some women on…you all know this if you’ve seen Rock of Love.
So the next two chapters are kinda blah. Here are the high points: Alexandra Rollins is still a sad shadow of her former self.
So is Todd Wilkins (oh, Todd, how could you have turned out like this!?). Todd, still struggling with a drinking problem, gets arrested and put in jail for driving recklessly. No, he wasn’t drunk, he’s turned over a new leaf, ya’ll! Which is what my dad says every time he drinks and drives. William White actually did something I don’t quite understand to Todd’s car that made it drive strangely. Yeah. Don’t ask me. So….Elizabeth, who is still all wet for Todd, bails him out of jail with Alexandra’s help.
Tom rejoins the football team after William White poses as a reporter over the phone and convinces him to go undercover on the football team. He doesn’t tell Liz he is joining, and she flips her shit when she reads it in the paper. However, she doesn’t feel the need to tell him that she is getting creepy notes and dolls with their limbs torn off. Liz, meet kettle. Even worse- she thinks that Todd is the one sending them. Well, she would know the most about Todd, I guess, she was the one giving him hand jobs all those years. Jessica says she thinks it is William White. Dum dum dum.
Celine is still a crazy bitch and she has a thing for William White. He’s probably the only person in Sweet Valley who will play her bondage games. William escapes the mental institution after he kills his nurse/girlfriend Andrea and stills a bunch of sedatives on his way out. Everyone assumes he is dead because his car went over a cliff. Not so! William (The Bloody) is way too smart for that. He ends up poisoning Celine and leaving her for dead in Todd’s room. Todd runs away (…the hell?) and there is a warrant out for his arrest.
Elizabeth and Jessica are convinced that Todd is behind the attempted murder of Celine and the tortured Barbie dolls. William, despite being a sociopath, is not very good at poisoning people and Celine is still alive. He goes to the hospital to kill her, but almost gets caught and doesn’t finish the job. It’s official- William really sucks at this. This book is officially getting tedious.
The biggest WTF moment is Jess telling Liz she (Jess) always attracts the wrong kind of guys and will never get nice guys, like Liz attracts. Uh, Jess, have you been smoking a joint throughout this whole book? William White is obsessed with Liz and a killer and they THINK Todd may be too. Nice guys…? What?
So there was this whole B plot about Winston and Denise that was boring and lackluster and yeah, Winston is totally denying the fact that he is gay but that is a story for another day. He becomes some sort of mascot, complete with a mask- long story shot: Winston is tied up by Wiliam (….go William), who puts on the mask and Elizabeth into a car with him.
Winston is all “run away to Europe with me! I love you, I’ll do anything for you, let’s have deranged babies”. Elizabeth reaches over and yanks the mask over his face, causing them to run into a wall. This kills him. Immortal!Elizabeth survives without a scratch. Of course. Todd saves Elizabeth and William White left everything in his will to Elizabeth. Peace is restored in Sweet Valley. Yay!