SVU Thriller Edition: Channel X
This book has an interesting backstory for me. I read about 2/3 of it before ever buying
it. When I was a kid, my mom never left
me home alone, so I was always tagging along behind her, bored out of my skull, usually reading a book while walking behind her in the grocery or
clothing stores. When this book came
out, I grabbed it one day, but had no money, so just wandered behind Mom
reading it. We got to the cash register,
and I put it back. I did that about two
or three times before finally purchasing it.
Man, those were the days…
Chapter One
We start with Nina Harper and Bryan Nelson back-and-forthing about how they never get to go out anywhere. Bryan complains that it isn’t the 1950s (it isn’t?? Has he never read the original SVH series?) and it doesn’t have to be him taking her out to eat. Nina says that’s not the point; they never go anywhere. Turns out, this is because they both are broke. Yeah, I feel that. I spent my years at BGSU carting around a Discman while iPods were just revving up in popularity. Didn’t have a cell back then, either. (I wasn’t 40 years old, just so’s you know. Just broke!)
The two token black characters go look at a bulletin board for help wanted ads. At one point, Bryan thinks “Nina seemed to radiate beauty and vitality.” Mmmm, I don’t know about that, Rode-My-Chevy-To-The-Levy-But-The-Levy-Was-Bry.
They see this ad:
SVU STUDENTS! EARN CASH JUST FOR WATCHING TV!
Students wanted for a psychology experiment involving the study of human responses to televised advertisements. Fifty dollars for each daily two-hour session. Sign up at the psychology building, room 205. Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-a- Oh, sorry. My Bullshit Meter just went off. *slams it against the wall* There we go.
Nina and Bryan like this idea, although they wonder “what the catch is.” Um, the entire thing? $25/hr to be a couch potato? It might as well have “…and a bridge in Brooklyn!” next to the money part. They don’t listen to me this time and agree to sign up.
Later, Nina is studying her biology homework, but is complains that no one cares if someone has brown or blue eyes. “Biology Homework” seems to be damn Foreshadowing again dressed up in a giant textbook costume. I can tell ‘cause the book costume doesn’t tie together right in the back. It has been two days since she and Bryan signed up and she hasn’t seen him since. She decides to call, but he’s busy. Minutes later she calls back, and it rings and rings. “ ‘You were there two minutes ago!’ she yelled at the phone. It was one thing for him to get caught up in his work and forget about dinner, but it was another thing entirely for him to make plans over the phone and rush out without even calling to invite her along.’” …Wow, codependent much??
When her phone finally does ring again, she does the “let it ring so he’ll think I’m busy” thing. But surprise! It’s not Bryan; it’s a Christian Jimenez, who is assisting with “experiment X212” - the TV thing. He tells her she has been selected, and they start tomorrow. Sessions meet from 2-4 pm each weekday and that weekend too. He also says that if people have classes during that time, they are excused from the session.
Question.
1- 2-4pm? How many of you reading this had classes during that time? That is a peak time for me; I was a late riser. I’m betting 70% of college students were too.
2- Let’s do a little math. $50 a session. Five days a week. Each person gets $250 a week. Keep this figure in mind for a second.
Christian Jimenez (and whenever I type that, I hear Tom Tucker stumbling over the pronunciation in that one Family Guy, so I’m gonna call him Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz) tells her to meet in room 302 of the psych building, and they hang up. Soon after, Bryan knocks on Nina’s door, carrying a big brown bag, sparkling cider, and two plastic champagne glasses. I don’t have to mock Nina for not figuring it out. Yes, Bryan got in too.
In room 302, there are about ten other students, plus BryaNina. Hey, you still remember the $250? Twelve times $250 is… Right, $3000 a week. Three thousand dollars a week. Why does no one else smell the bull? Even if the experiment was just, say, three weeks long, that’s almost 10 grand to watch people watch TV. Yeeeeeeaaaahhhh. :/ Once again, my protests go ignored. Nina makes friends with a girl called Kerri. They bond over dieting, and how they hope they don’t see ads for candy. Oh, me either. I’m trying to lose weight, and my belly is growling right now, and I don’t wanna read OR recap the food descriptions that come later on in the book.
Nina sees a hot guy walk in and stares. Bryan says he is probably “what was commonly known as a hunk”. Hey, Bryan- Open the door and come out. It’s dark in that closet of yours! He uses his anger at his sexual confusion to pout about Nina looking at someone else. Ummm, you were looking too! Nina feels bad. Hot Guy, it turns out, is Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz. Also up there is “a tall, gaunt, balding, middle-aged man with small, lined eyes, a drooping nose, and a meticulously trimmed black beard peppered with gray.” I picture him like this:
'Cept with a beard. It’s Dr Charles Akre, the prof conducting the experiment. Okay, again, $50 a session, and now this guy?? HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THROUGH THIS?
The experiment is funded by a private organization called EFC (Extra Fat Consumers? Evil Fake Conspirators? Enormously False Crazypeople?) that does research for advertising agencies. Basically, they wanna see what people respond to in commercials so they can design ads accordingly. Bryan thinks this is fucked up (what do commercials have to do with learning?, etc), but rationalizes it because it’s making him $250 a week. Uh-huh. I can see Bryan being one of those politicians who accept bribes and whatnot because “that money is going into my pocket every day.” He also decides to let Nina sweat about him being mad at her.
Chapter two
Turns out that the little vision Nina had of cuddling up with Bryan and watching TV while feeding each other popcorn? Not happening. First, he’s being a little bitch. Second, the subjects are assigned to little separate rooms. And they have to sit still and wear electrodes on their head. Fun, huh?
Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz comes in and admits he glossed over the whole “wires hooked to your head” detail in the flyer. He hooks her up after they chat a little, and Nina feels uneasy. Over in Bryan’s room, he’s watching a cheese-product commercial. (Ugh. I hate stuff labeled Cheese Product. Tastes like cheese-flavored Styrofoam packing.) Then a commercial for a love song CD set comes on, and Bryan thinks of Nina. He gets all silly smiley until a Joie de Vivre lipstick commercial comes on that shows a woman acting like a teasing whore. (I never took French. Joie de Vivre means “Joy of Life,” right? What a boring name.) Then he gets angry again.
Kerri and Nina talk about how bad X212 was afterward. Nina sees Bryan and he blows her off. Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz (getting tired of typing that; “Jim” now) hands out the fifties. Hey, we made it through two chapters without a Wakefield mention! What weird world is this? Yaaaayyy!
Chapter three
“Elizabeth Wakefield looked up with annoyance…” And so did I. She's in this book? Dammit!
Nina and Liz are at the library studying. Or trying. Nina keeps tapping her pencil and drumming her fingers against the table. (Subtext: Nina cannot concentrate.) So Liz talks to her about the experiment and Bryan The Little Bitch. There is way too much talking in this section; it’s boring. Oh, and Jess is apparently at a national convention of Theta chapters in Chicago. No Jess! Boooooo. *mentally lowers the book’s grade*
Back at X212, Bryan thinks about how when he got to the lab, Akre hinted that Jim hooked up Nina’s wires. Like it’s not TOTALLY obvious what Akre was doing. The Joie de Vivre thing comes on again and Bryan gets madder. There’s an ad for some food service where a guy eats like a bulimic. This is relevant later. Then there’s one for a lawyer team asking if the viewer has been injured in an accident or the victim of marital infidelity. REAL SUBTLE. As an ad for a cleaner comes on, Bryan believes that Nina would really deceive him and maybe already had.
Nina waits for Bitch Boy afterward. He walks out, blows her off again and says he’s not sure he can trust her at all. Just to recap, this sullen boy act is for a FOUR SECOND GLANCE at another guy. Dump his lazy ass, Nina! He’ll just end up cheating on you several books down the road!
Chapter four
Bitch Boy actually does feel bad for being mean, but Akre walks up and says he did the right thing. “People like us need to stick together,” he says. “People like us”? Now Akre’s the gay one. Fran only allows one gay per book, after all.
Nina is at a dining hall. She’s emo-ing over BB when she sees a girl going insane over the food. It’s Kerri, that girl from earlier. She pushes two trays overflowing with food down the line and eats huge handfuls of meatloaf and spaghetti and chicken. I can’t snark on this at all because of my friends with eating disorders. Food issues are never funny for me. Yeah, I know, it’s not a food thing, it’s a brainwashing thing (oops! Spoiler!) but still.
Nina thinks “It’s sad how many women have really severe body image problems.” (Hmm. I wonder if Kerri ever read a book series called Saccharine Gorge High where two twins, Julia and Erin Arise-meadow were repeatedly described as being a “perfect size six” over and over.) Kerri eats a donut blissfully. Some of the food servers run over and grab Kerri and lead her away as Nina is reminded of the commercials Kerri imitated.
Liz is leaving the library when she sees a guy wailing to “get them off! Get them off!” as he scratches his arms frantically. THIS SENTENCE ACTUALLY EXISTS: No matter how creepy the scratching and strange noises seemed, Elizabeth Wakefield’s conscience wouldn’t let her just turn her back on such a desperate plea. Heh! This ghostwriter hates her, too! Liz is TOO creeped out though, and realizes Itchy McScratchy isn’t seeing her anyway. So she chalks it up to drugs and leaves.
More X212. Bryan. Some knife commercial. An ad for a women’s self-defense class. Then this weird one for home insurance showing a house burning. Then one for some bargain store screaming about how everything must go. “Everything must go,” Bryan repeats, hissing. “Clean us out. Everything must go.” He gets angrier and literally sees red and his head hurts.
Oh, hey there, Foreshadowing. What are you doing, hanging out with Nina and her genetics/biology book? What? Listening to her think about how everybody is acting differently? Cool. Nina doesn’t wanna hang out with my pal Foreshadowing and goes to the restroom. She sees a girl acting out the Joie de Vivre commercial badly; her makeup is clown-illy applied and she keeps applying the same lipstick over and over and over.
Chapter five
Liz runs into B-rooni on the way to the library. He is pissy and doesn’t wanna talk. Well, Liz, nobody wants to talk to you, so that’s no reason to say he’s acting weird. I mean, he IS acting weird, but don’t base it on something half the world would wanna avoid. Over at the library, Nina and her biology book have a hot date, but Foreshadowing is standing there interrupting things. Liz comes over and they talk about the various incidents. Nina doesn’t tell Liz her suspicions re: X212, though.
Bryan is cleaning his dorm room hardcore. Throw-out-all-but-three-socks hardcore. Throw-out-the-clock-cause-he-has-a-watch hardcore. He sees a picture of Nina and throws it against the wall angrily.
Chapter six
Nina runs into Kerri and doesn’t say anything about the dining hall scene. Kerri seems normal this time until some jock makes a comment about Kerri’s ass, and she freaks out and flips him over her head. Then she jumps on him and hits and scratches him until Mr Jock’s friends pull her off him. Kerri glares at Nina and accuses her of sending them to get her, and then runs off.
Liz is at a dining hall, getting another salad. Some guy pulls a knife and holds a food server as a hostage. Everyone gets down like he asks, but Liz lowers herself a bit too late. Psycho Knife Guy yells “Do I have to shed BLOOD?” …Uh, sure, go ahead. “Shed blood” implies that you’re the one bleeding, PKG. The police have seen the security footage and take the guy down and handcuff him. Nina is in her room when Liz calls and tells her about it. Nina asks if Liz wants her to come over so they can talk. Liz says yeah, but she’ll try a nap first.
Chapter seven
Nina calls Bitch Boy and tells him some of her suspicions. He doesn’t wanna hear any of it and hangs up furiously. Nina cries until she runs out of Kleenex, then goes and snatches a roll of toilet paper from the restroom down the hall. (How?? Every public restroom I have EVER been in has either a locked bar or a little two-rolls-in-a-box setup.) She smells smoke and realizes the building is on fire. As she leaves, she tries to go to Liz’s room, but is stopped by a firefighter. She tells him about Liz napping, and bolts for the exit.
Liz is dreaming. Stuff happening in real life seeps in; she wonders why the students are screaming and why it’s so hot. She wakes up, runs for the door, and panics.
Chapter eight
BB is watching the fire and feeling purified and cleansed. He sees Nina approaching and runs off. Meanwhile, inside, the firefighter finds Liz and helps her out. (Was there ANY doubt? This is a Wakefield, after all.) On the way out, Liz sees a girl freaking out about how she has to stay and watch the building burn. Outside, Liz runs into Nina and they’re both relieved to see each other safe. Liz mentions seeing the girl who started the fire (although, with the way BB reacted, could have been him too). When Liz acts Nina to tell her what’s going on, Nina snaps at her. So Liz drops the subject and goes to call Steven to ask if they can sleep over.
Chapter nine
At X212, Nina is literally pacing as she waits impatiently for Jim-Jim. Has anybody EVER really paced when you’re waiting? I usually stand cross-armed and shift my weight. Maybe get out whatever book I’m carrying with me that day and read a paragraph or two. Sigh frustratedly. Wash, rinse, repeat. Jim-Jim comes in and Nina confronts him with the weird things people have been doing. He’s having none of it and accuses her of psych problems: “Maybe you have some issues with projecting and displacing guilt, not to mention paranoia.” You can just see the ghostwriter with a Negative Coping Mechanisms checklist, can’t you? Nina walks out angrily.
Later that night, Nina checks out the damage. Jim-Jim calls and asks her to meet at an all night diner at midnight. Bryan happens to be waiting outside, and sees her when she leaves.
At the diner, Jim-Jim is scared. I see the first part of this in my head as Pablo Francisco’s “They knew too much” / “We KNOW too MUCH!” bit. He basically says “You were so right. There is a conspiracy. We are NOT SAFE!” He blew her off earlier because they were on camera. And as everyone reading this book (even my 12-year-old self), X212 isn’t just monitoring people’s brain waves - it’s altering them. Advertisers wanna make money by stimulating the product cravings; the hostility and violence are side effects of overstimulating the adrenal gland. (I never got that far into biology. Does any of this seem at all plausible?) Nina worries about herself being affected; Jim-Jim says he’s been watching her, and no, she has no signs. A few booths away, Bryan is getting mad again. I am so tired of typing “Bryan is mad” or “Bryan gets angry.” He sees Nina as a traitor trying to falsely persecute his “hero”. WTF, B-ry? They just said the guy was brainwashing people! Nina and Jim-Jim talk about how he got involved. He didn’t think Akre was evil; he was just happy to work with his idol. He didn’t realize something was Not Right till way too late. Jim-Jim begs Nina to come back the next day and act normal. Bitch Boy waits until they leave and runs out the door without paying.
Chapter ten
Nina interrupts Akre in the hall and asks if she can ask him questions about a paper (that doesn’t exist) that she’s writing. She says it’s “kind of a biographical study of a few different scientists that uh, draws some conclusions, based on their work, about the directions science might be headed in today.” How does this not make Akre suspicious? He basically says “Won’t happen” and walks away. The whole exchange was for Jim-Jim to look for evidence anyway, so whatever. BB has been waiting and watching and goes up to Akre after Nina leaves.
Way later, Nina is waiting in the same diner. Jim-Jim called her at 2; it’s now 4, and she has to wait for her two brain cells to bump uglies so she can figure out he isn’t coming.
The next day, Akre comes to hook Nina’s wires up. She asks about Jim-Jim and he says there is no assistant. Oh snap. She fakes agreement. After the commercials, Nina asks a few other subjects about Jim-Jim and they have no idea what she’s talking about. She sees Bitch Boy, and he runs off to Akre, making her realize he’s in on it.
Chapter eleven, twelve, thirteen
Nina goes to Super-Liz and tells her everything. They look up Jim-Jim’s real name and find nothing. It’s as if he never existed. They look up info on EFC (the $$ behind Akre) and find all sorts of conspiracy, brain-washy sites. Liz is skeptical.
Nina is at the lab the next day when suddenly, Mr Itchy vonScratchy screams and begs everyone to “get them off me!” In the commotion, Akre drops the tapes and Nina snatches one. She later goes to WSVU and she and Liz pore over it - forwards, backwards, slow-forward, etc - and find nothing. As they leave, they see Kerri, “in a torn long sleeved shirt, a long coat, and rumpled pajama bottoms, walking across the quad in unsteady half circles and mumbling to herself.” Oh, this can’t be good. She screams at Liz and Nina, and then pulls a gun. Chaos. Kerri ends up shooting some guy in the leg. Liz tries to talk her down. Police officers show up. Nina and Kerri struggle, and the officers interfere and get Kerri handcuffed. Liz officially believes the conspiracy thing. Meanwhile, Bryan meets with Akre, who is ready to tell him everything.
Foreshadowing is pacing impatiently, waiting for Nina to get done reading about genetics and how certain things are gender-linked (baldness, colorblindness, etc). Nina thinks about her own red-green colorblindness. Those two brain cells get frisky and she realizes that colorblindness has something to do with her immunity from the experiment.
Chapter fourteen and fifteen and sixteen
Bitch Boy is running through the campus, trying frantically to find Nina. But Nina is sneaking into Akre’s lab for evidence. She finds a VHS tape conveniently labeled For EFC Use Only and pops it into a VCR. Basically, Akre explains how the brainwashing works. As the commercials play, there are pulses of red and green color flashes not seen on a conscious level. Green = product cravings; red = anger and hostility. He then shows scenes of “the desired effects.” Bryan has arrived at the lab and runs into Nina. He fakes a reunion and leads her to Akre.
Nina is knocked out and wakes up all tied up. She tries to move and free herself, and sees Jim-Jim’s dead body (Akre kept it there? Ewwww). Bitch Boy remembers the fake reunion and is confused at how “fake” happy it made him. He searches Nina and finds the tape tucked into her jeans. Akre burns it and Bitch Boy argues mentally with himself about his feelings.
Nina tries to act brainwashed, and says she was gonna take the tape to “someone who could help.” Cancel the order, ‘cause Akre isn’t buying it. He screams at Nina that he knew she was different and not reacting the same. He looked into her background and found out about her colorblindness. He didn’t do anything because she was a control subject, and let her run around in circles with Jim-Jim.
The weird thing here is, Akre doesn’t know why EFC wants everyone to go crazy in the experiment. He just does what they want without asking questions. Then he says how exciting it is to program “those puny minds like robots.” Somewhere a thousand years from now, Bender gets pissed off and mumbles in his sleep.
Nina messes with Akre by saying Bitch Boy will eventually turn on him. Akre says that BB does what he says and demands for him to shoot Nina. When BB hesitates, Akre bitches at him and calls him names. BB is confused; if Akre is his hero, why is he calling him names. Too late now; he’s firing the gun.
Luckily it misses Nina and lodges in the wall. Akre attacks BB while Nina frees herself. BB knocks Akre out with a crate and they hug and kiss (for real this time). The ever-punctual police burst in.
Chapter seventeen
Liz and Nina are driving up to Harrington Institute to visit Kerri. Liz worries about getting back in time to watch her report about Akre and everything. When they get to the asylum, there is - surprise! - no record of Kerri. Even the room she was supposed to be in has been occupied by a guy for two years. They check the TV for Liz’s report and… nothin’. Surprise! Again! Liz figures that it’s better for the story to disappear than her. (I wouldn’t be so sure, Ms Smug.)
A few days later BryaNina are back to normal. Nina gets a call; Akre is being charged with two counts of attempted murder and one count of first degree murder. That’s it. No conspiracy. Nothing. All the evidence is gone, probably by EFC themselves. Nina and Bryan figure it’s probably nothing to worry about anymore, because if they pursued the conspiracy thing, they would be endangering their lives. And anyway, “things don’t always get wrapped up neatly like they do on TV.”
Except when they do. :\
So, that’s my first recap. Sorry it’s soo freaking long! Also, what's the "I declare shenanigans" tag about? Just wondering if this book needed it.
Chapter One
We start with Nina Harper and Bryan Nelson back-and-forthing about how they never get to go out anywhere. Bryan complains that it isn’t the 1950s (it isn’t?? Has he never read the original SVH series?) and it doesn’t have to be him taking her out to eat. Nina says that’s not the point; they never go anywhere. Turns out, this is because they both are broke. Yeah, I feel that. I spent my years at BGSU carting around a Discman while iPods were just revving up in popularity. Didn’t have a cell back then, either. (I wasn’t 40 years old, just so’s you know. Just broke!)
The two token black characters go look at a bulletin board for help wanted ads. At one point, Bryan thinks “Nina seemed to radiate beauty and vitality.” Mmmm, I don’t know about that, Rode-My-Chevy-To-The-Levy-But-The-Levy-Was-Bry.
They see this ad:
SVU STUDENTS! EARN CASH JUST FOR WATCHING TV!
Students wanted for a psychology experiment involving the study of human responses to televised advertisements. Fifty dollars for each daily two-hour session. Sign up at the psychology building, room 205. Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-a- Oh, sorry. My Bullshit Meter just went off. *slams it against the wall* There we go.
Nina and Bryan like this idea, although they wonder “what the catch is.” Um, the entire thing? $25/hr to be a couch potato? It might as well have “…and a bridge in Brooklyn!” next to the money part. They don’t listen to me this time and agree to sign up.
Later, Nina is studying her biology homework, but is complains that no one cares if someone has brown or blue eyes. “Biology Homework” seems to be damn Foreshadowing again dressed up in a giant textbook costume. I can tell ‘cause the book costume doesn’t tie together right in the back. It has been two days since she and Bryan signed up and she hasn’t seen him since. She decides to call, but he’s busy. Minutes later she calls back, and it rings and rings. “ ‘You were there two minutes ago!’ she yelled at the phone. It was one thing for him to get caught up in his work and forget about dinner, but it was another thing entirely for him to make plans over the phone and rush out without even calling to invite her along.’” …Wow, codependent much??
When her phone finally does ring again, she does the “let it ring so he’ll think I’m busy” thing. But surprise! It’s not Bryan; it’s a Christian Jimenez, who is assisting with “experiment X212” - the TV thing. He tells her she has been selected, and they start tomorrow. Sessions meet from 2-4 pm each weekday and that weekend too. He also says that if people have classes during that time, they are excused from the session.
Question.
1- 2-4pm? How many of you reading this had classes during that time? That is a peak time for me; I was a late riser. I’m betting 70% of college students were too.
2- Let’s do a little math. $50 a session. Five days a week. Each person gets $250 a week. Keep this figure in mind for a second.
Christian Jimenez (and whenever I type that, I hear Tom Tucker stumbling over the pronunciation in that one Family Guy, so I’m gonna call him Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz) tells her to meet in room 302 of the psych building, and they hang up. Soon after, Bryan knocks on Nina’s door, carrying a big brown bag, sparkling cider, and two plastic champagne glasses. I don’t have to mock Nina for not figuring it out. Yes, Bryan got in too.
In room 302, there are about ten other students, plus BryaNina. Hey, you still remember the $250? Twelve times $250 is… Right, $3000 a week. Three thousand dollars a week. Why does no one else smell the bull? Even if the experiment was just, say, three weeks long, that’s almost 10 grand to watch people watch TV. Yeeeeeeaaaahhhh. :/ Once again, my protests go ignored. Nina makes friends with a girl called Kerri. They bond over dieting, and how they hope they don’t see ads for candy. Oh, me either. I’m trying to lose weight, and my belly is growling right now, and I don’t wanna read OR recap the food descriptions that come later on in the book.
Nina sees a hot guy walk in and stares. Bryan says he is probably “what was commonly known as a hunk”. Hey, Bryan- Open the door and come out. It’s dark in that closet of yours! He uses his anger at his sexual confusion to pout about Nina looking at someone else. Ummm, you were looking too! Nina feels bad. Hot Guy, it turns out, is Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz. Also up there is “a tall, gaunt, balding, middle-aged man with small, lined eyes, a drooping nose, and a meticulously trimmed black beard peppered with gray.” I picture him like this:
'Cept with a beard. It’s Dr Charles Akre, the prof conducting the experiment. Okay, again, $50 a session, and now this guy?? HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THROUGH THIS?
The experiment is funded by a private organization called EFC (Extra Fat Consumers? Evil Fake Conspirators? Enormously False Crazypeople?) that does research for advertising agencies. Basically, they wanna see what people respond to in commercials so they can design ads accordingly. Bryan thinks this is fucked up (what do commercials have to do with learning?, etc), but rationalizes it because it’s making him $250 a week. Uh-huh. I can see Bryan being one of those politicians who accept bribes and whatnot because “that money is going into my pocket every day.” He also decides to let Nina sweat about him being mad at her.
Chapter two
Turns out that the little vision Nina had of cuddling up with Bryan and watching TV while feeding each other popcorn? Not happening. First, he’s being a little bitch. Second, the subjects are assigned to little separate rooms. And they have to sit still and wear electrodes on their head. Fun, huh?
Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz comes in and admits he glossed over the whole “wires hooked to your head” detail in the flyer. He hooks her up after they chat a little, and Nina feels uneasy. Over in Bryan’s room, he’s watching a cheese-product commercial. (Ugh. I hate stuff labeled Cheese Product. Tastes like cheese-flavored Styrofoam packing.) Then a commercial for a love song CD set comes on, and Bryan thinks of Nina. He gets all silly smiley until a Joie de Vivre lipstick commercial comes on that shows a woman acting like a teasing whore. (I never took French. Joie de Vivre means “Joy of Life,” right? What a boring name.) Then he gets angry again.
Kerri and Nina talk about how bad X212 was afterward. Nina sees Bryan and he blows her off. Jim-Jim-Jimeenezz (getting tired of typing that; “Jim” now) hands out the fifties. Hey, we made it through two chapters without a Wakefield mention! What weird world is this? Yaaaayyy!
Chapter three
“Elizabeth Wakefield looked up with annoyance…” And so did I. She's in this book? Dammit!
Nina and Liz are at the library studying. Or trying. Nina keeps tapping her pencil and drumming her fingers against the table. (Subtext: Nina cannot concentrate.) So Liz talks to her about the experiment and Bryan The Little Bitch. There is way too much talking in this section; it’s boring. Oh, and Jess is apparently at a national convention of Theta chapters in Chicago. No Jess! Boooooo. *mentally lowers the book’s grade*
Back at X212, Bryan thinks about how when he got to the lab, Akre hinted that Jim hooked up Nina’s wires. Like it’s not TOTALLY obvious what Akre was doing. The Joie de Vivre thing comes on again and Bryan gets madder. There’s an ad for some food service where a guy eats like a bulimic. This is relevant later. Then there’s one for a lawyer team asking if the viewer has been injured in an accident or the victim of marital infidelity. REAL SUBTLE. As an ad for a cleaner comes on, Bryan believes that Nina would really deceive him and maybe already had.
Nina waits for Bitch Boy afterward. He walks out, blows her off again and says he’s not sure he can trust her at all. Just to recap, this sullen boy act is for a FOUR SECOND GLANCE at another guy. Dump his lazy ass, Nina! He’ll just end up cheating on you several books down the road!
Chapter four
Bitch Boy actually does feel bad for being mean, but Akre walks up and says he did the right thing. “People like us need to stick together,” he says. “People like us”? Now Akre’s the gay one. Fran only allows one gay per book, after all.
Nina is at a dining hall. She’s emo-ing over BB when she sees a girl going insane over the food. It’s Kerri, that girl from earlier. She pushes two trays overflowing with food down the line and eats huge handfuls of meatloaf and spaghetti and chicken. I can’t snark on this at all because of my friends with eating disorders. Food issues are never funny for me. Yeah, I know, it’s not a food thing, it’s a brainwashing thing (oops! Spoiler!) but still.
Nina thinks “It’s sad how many women have really severe body image problems.” (Hmm. I wonder if Kerri ever read a book series called Saccharine Gorge High where two twins, Julia and Erin Arise-meadow were repeatedly described as being a “perfect size six” over and over.) Kerri eats a donut blissfully. Some of the food servers run over and grab Kerri and lead her away as Nina is reminded of the commercials Kerri imitated.
Liz is leaving the library when she sees a guy wailing to “get them off! Get them off!” as he scratches his arms frantically. THIS SENTENCE ACTUALLY EXISTS: No matter how creepy the scratching and strange noises seemed, Elizabeth Wakefield’s conscience wouldn’t let her just turn her back on such a desperate plea. Heh! This ghostwriter hates her, too! Liz is TOO creeped out though, and realizes Itchy McScratchy isn’t seeing her anyway. So she chalks it up to drugs and leaves.
More X212. Bryan. Some knife commercial. An ad for a women’s self-defense class. Then this weird one for home insurance showing a house burning. Then one for some bargain store screaming about how everything must go. “Everything must go,” Bryan repeats, hissing. “Clean us out. Everything must go.” He gets angrier and literally sees red and his head hurts.
Oh, hey there, Foreshadowing. What are you doing, hanging out with Nina and her genetics/biology book? What? Listening to her think about how everybody is acting differently? Cool. Nina doesn’t wanna hang out with my pal Foreshadowing and goes to the restroom. She sees a girl acting out the Joie de Vivre commercial badly; her makeup is clown-illy applied and she keeps applying the same lipstick over and over and over.
Chapter five
Liz runs into B-rooni on the way to the library. He is pissy and doesn’t wanna talk. Well, Liz, nobody wants to talk to you, so that’s no reason to say he’s acting weird. I mean, he IS acting weird, but don’t base it on something half the world would wanna avoid. Over at the library, Nina and her biology book have a hot date, but Foreshadowing is standing there interrupting things. Liz comes over and they talk about the various incidents. Nina doesn’t tell Liz her suspicions re: X212, though.
Bryan is cleaning his dorm room hardcore. Throw-out-all-but-three-socks hardcore. Throw-out-the-clock-cause-he-has-a-watch hardcore. He sees a picture of Nina and throws it against the wall angrily.
Chapter six
Nina runs into Kerri and doesn’t say anything about the dining hall scene. Kerri seems normal this time until some jock makes a comment about Kerri’s ass, and she freaks out and flips him over her head. Then she jumps on him and hits and scratches him until Mr Jock’s friends pull her off him. Kerri glares at Nina and accuses her of sending them to get her, and then runs off.
Liz is at a dining hall, getting another salad. Some guy pulls a knife and holds a food server as a hostage. Everyone gets down like he asks, but Liz lowers herself a bit too late. Psycho Knife Guy yells “Do I have to shed BLOOD?” …Uh, sure, go ahead. “Shed blood” implies that you’re the one bleeding, PKG. The police have seen the security footage and take the guy down and handcuff him. Nina is in her room when Liz calls and tells her about it. Nina asks if Liz wants her to come over so they can talk. Liz says yeah, but she’ll try a nap first.
Chapter seven
Nina calls Bitch Boy and tells him some of her suspicions. He doesn’t wanna hear any of it and hangs up furiously. Nina cries until she runs out of Kleenex, then goes and snatches a roll of toilet paper from the restroom down the hall. (How?? Every public restroom I have EVER been in has either a locked bar or a little two-rolls-in-a-box setup.) She smells smoke and realizes the building is on fire. As she leaves, she tries to go to Liz’s room, but is stopped by a firefighter. She tells him about Liz napping, and bolts for the exit.
Liz is dreaming. Stuff happening in real life seeps in; she wonders why the students are screaming and why it’s so hot. She wakes up, runs for the door, and panics.
Chapter eight
BB is watching the fire and feeling purified and cleansed. He sees Nina approaching and runs off. Meanwhile, inside, the firefighter finds Liz and helps her out. (Was there ANY doubt? This is a Wakefield, after all.) On the way out, Liz sees a girl freaking out about how she has to stay and watch the building burn. Outside, Liz runs into Nina and they’re both relieved to see each other safe. Liz mentions seeing the girl who started the fire (although, with the way BB reacted, could have been him too). When Liz acts Nina to tell her what’s going on, Nina snaps at her. So Liz drops the subject and goes to call Steven to ask if they can sleep over.
Chapter nine
At X212, Nina is literally pacing as she waits impatiently for Jim-Jim. Has anybody EVER really paced when you’re waiting? I usually stand cross-armed and shift my weight. Maybe get out whatever book I’m carrying with me that day and read a paragraph or two. Sigh frustratedly. Wash, rinse, repeat. Jim-Jim comes in and Nina confronts him with the weird things people have been doing. He’s having none of it and accuses her of psych problems: “Maybe you have some issues with projecting and displacing guilt, not to mention paranoia.” You can just see the ghostwriter with a Negative Coping Mechanisms checklist, can’t you? Nina walks out angrily.
Later that night, Nina checks out the damage. Jim-Jim calls and asks her to meet at an all night diner at midnight. Bryan happens to be waiting outside, and sees her when she leaves.
At the diner, Jim-Jim is scared. I see the first part of this in my head as Pablo Francisco’s “They knew too much” / “We KNOW too MUCH!” bit. He basically says “You were so right. There is a conspiracy. We are NOT SAFE!” He blew her off earlier because they were on camera. And as everyone reading this book (even my 12-year-old self), X212 isn’t just monitoring people’s brain waves - it’s altering them. Advertisers wanna make money by stimulating the product cravings; the hostility and violence are side effects of overstimulating the adrenal gland. (I never got that far into biology. Does any of this seem at all plausible?) Nina worries about herself being affected; Jim-Jim says he’s been watching her, and no, she has no signs. A few booths away, Bryan is getting mad again. I am so tired of typing “Bryan is mad” or “Bryan gets angry.” He sees Nina as a traitor trying to falsely persecute his “hero”. WTF, B-ry? They just said the guy was brainwashing people! Nina and Jim-Jim talk about how he got involved. He didn’t think Akre was evil; he was just happy to work with his idol. He didn’t realize something was Not Right till way too late. Jim-Jim begs Nina to come back the next day and act normal. Bitch Boy waits until they leave and runs out the door without paying.
Chapter ten
Nina interrupts Akre in the hall and asks if she can ask him questions about a paper (that doesn’t exist) that she’s writing. She says it’s “kind of a biographical study of a few different scientists that uh, draws some conclusions, based on their work, about the directions science might be headed in today.” How does this not make Akre suspicious? He basically says “Won’t happen” and walks away. The whole exchange was for Jim-Jim to look for evidence anyway, so whatever. BB has been waiting and watching and goes up to Akre after Nina leaves.
Way later, Nina is waiting in the same diner. Jim-Jim called her at 2; it’s now 4, and she has to wait for her two brain cells to bump uglies so she can figure out he isn’t coming.
The next day, Akre comes to hook Nina’s wires up. She asks about Jim-Jim and he says there is no assistant. Oh snap. She fakes agreement. After the commercials, Nina asks a few other subjects about Jim-Jim and they have no idea what she’s talking about. She sees Bitch Boy, and he runs off to Akre, making her realize he’s in on it.
Chapter eleven, twelve, thirteen
Nina goes to Super-Liz and tells her everything. They look up Jim-Jim’s real name and find nothing. It’s as if he never existed. They look up info on EFC (the $$ behind Akre) and find all sorts of conspiracy, brain-washy sites. Liz is skeptical.
Nina is at the lab the next day when suddenly, Mr Itchy vonScratchy screams and begs everyone to “get them off me!” In the commotion, Akre drops the tapes and Nina snatches one. She later goes to WSVU and she and Liz pore over it - forwards, backwards, slow-forward, etc - and find nothing. As they leave, they see Kerri, “in a torn long sleeved shirt, a long coat, and rumpled pajama bottoms, walking across the quad in unsteady half circles and mumbling to herself.” Oh, this can’t be good. She screams at Liz and Nina, and then pulls a gun. Chaos. Kerri ends up shooting some guy in the leg. Liz tries to talk her down. Police officers show up. Nina and Kerri struggle, and the officers interfere and get Kerri handcuffed. Liz officially believes the conspiracy thing. Meanwhile, Bryan meets with Akre, who is ready to tell him everything.
Foreshadowing is pacing impatiently, waiting for Nina to get done reading about genetics and how certain things are gender-linked (baldness, colorblindness, etc). Nina thinks about her own red-green colorblindness. Those two brain cells get frisky and she realizes that colorblindness has something to do with her immunity from the experiment.
Chapter fourteen and fifteen and sixteen
Bitch Boy is running through the campus, trying frantically to find Nina. But Nina is sneaking into Akre’s lab for evidence. She finds a VHS tape conveniently labeled For EFC Use Only and pops it into a VCR. Basically, Akre explains how the brainwashing works. As the commercials play, there are pulses of red and green color flashes not seen on a conscious level. Green = product cravings; red = anger and hostility. He then shows scenes of “the desired effects.” Bryan has arrived at the lab and runs into Nina. He fakes a reunion and leads her to Akre.
Nina is knocked out and wakes up all tied up. She tries to move and free herself, and sees Jim-Jim’s dead body (Akre kept it there? Ewwww). Bitch Boy remembers the fake reunion and is confused at how “fake” happy it made him. He searches Nina and finds the tape tucked into her jeans. Akre burns it and Bitch Boy argues mentally with himself about his feelings.
Nina tries to act brainwashed, and says she was gonna take the tape to “someone who could help.” Cancel the order, ‘cause Akre isn’t buying it. He screams at Nina that he knew she was different and not reacting the same. He looked into her background and found out about her colorblindness. He didn’t do anything because she was a control subject, and let her run around in circles with Jim-Jim.
The weird thing here is, Akre doesn’t know why EFC wants everyone to go crazy in the experiment. He just does what they want without asking questions. Then he says how exciting it is to program “those puny minds like robots.” Somewhere a thousand years from now, Bender gets pissed off and mumbles in his sleep.
Nina messes with Akre by saying Bitch Boy will eventually turn on him. Akre says that BB does what he says and demands for him to shoot Nina. When BB hesitates, Akre bitches at him and calls him names. BB is confused; if Akre is his hero, why is he calling him names. Too late now; he’s firing the gun.
Luckily it misses Nina and lodges in the wall. Akre attacks BB while Nina frees herself. BB knocks Akre out with a crate and they hug and kiss (for real this time). The ever-punctual police burst in.
Chapter seventeen
Liz and Nina are driving up to Harrington Institute to visit Kerri. Liz worries about getting back in time to watch her report about Akre and everything. When they get to the asylum, there is - surprise! - no record of Kerri. Even the room she was supposed to be in has been occupied by a guy for two years. They check the TV for Liz’s report and… nothin’. Surprise! Again! Liz figures that it’s better for the story to disappear than her. (I wouldn’t be so sure, Ms Smug.)
A few days later BryaNina are back to normal. Nina gets a call; Akre is being charged with two counts of attempted murder and one count of first degree murder. That’s it. No conspiracy. Nothing. All the evidence is gone, probably by EFC themselves. Nina and Bryan figure it’s probably nothing to worry about anymore, because if they pursued the conspiracy thing, they would be endangering their lives. And anyway, “things don’t always get wrapped up neatly like they do on TV.”
Except when they do. :\
So, that’s my first recap. Sorry it’s soo freaking long! Also, what's the "I declare shenanigans" tag about? Just wondering if this book needed it.