SVT #33 Elizabeth's New Hero
or Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of East Germany.
Following in the trend of Elizabeth welcoming foreigners to America, here’s another inexplicably attractive exchange student dazzled by the every-day life of Sweet Valley.
The cover is especially bizarre; Elizabeth shakes hands with exchange student Christoph, who has exactly the same face as Elizabeth! It looks like Jessica has become a lesbian, which is particularly creepy because Christoph seems to be checking Elizabeth out.
Ten male gymnasts from East Germany are coming to Sweet Valley to demonstrate the merits of communism. Or their gymnastics. Yes, East Germany. There hasn’t been a Sweet Valley book this dated since Sweet Valley Twins and the Threat of Communism, where an attractive Russian exchange student named Sascha comes to Sweet Valley and convinces the Unicorns (through the power of his Slavic cheekbones) to change their signature colour from purple to red. A craze for calling each other ‘comrade’ sweeps through the school. Meanwhile, Elizabeth is shocked when Sascha joins the Sixers and proposes changing the name to Pravda.
(Seriously, when did they stop selling this book? My copy says it was published in 1990. Francine Pascal must have been pissed when the Berlin Wall fell. That’s what you get for attempting topicality!)
But I digress.
Jessica and Lila are making a Unicorns welcome banner for the gymnasts. Maybe I should just cut and paste my last recap for “Princess Elizabeth”. It’s basically the same thing. Caroline Pearce is smug, because one of the gymnasts, Christoph Beckmann, is staying with her family. Thankfully her banner is awful, so Jessica can still feel snooty towards her. There were a great deal of potential host families, but only ten gymnasts, so not everyone could be involved. The Wakefields are 11th on the list. Innnteresting.
The twins’ older brother Steven is looking out for East German spy planes. No, really. He’s got binoculars and everything. I like it when they give Steven something to do. Steven thinks the impending visit by East Germans is an issue of national security, and no laughing matter. Well, they were given visas, so I imagine the US government is quite aware of their movements.
As ever, the Sixers is going to have a special East German edition. They can put a copy of it on the wall next to their special Santa Dora edition. But wait! Caroline Pearce’s grandmother is sick, so Christoph can’t stay with them! Where could he stay - perhaps with the Wakefields?
Yes. That is where.
Says the book:
One of the biggest events in Sweet Valley history was about to happen, and they were going to be at the center of it!
Like in every single book.
Everyone in Sweet Valley goes to the airport to meet the East German gymnasts. The Wakefields meet Christoph. He is nice. They take him home and feed him a “typically American” meal. Burger and fries. He tells them about his deprived life in East Germany. They only have a few weeks off school a year, and lives in a stone house with stained glass windows, with an ivy-covered fence on a cobbled road. It is described as ‘quaint’. Christoph’s two younger sisters are gymnasts too, because his father had his gymnastic Olympic dreams crushed by an injury. Steven finally softens to Christoph when he wants to learn basketball.
The next day, the twins argue whether to interview Christoph or take him to the Dairi Burger to meet the Unicorns. Shockingly, he’s made his own plans which don’t involve the twins! He’s playing basketball with Steven. Later, they go to a football game. Stephen explains the scoring system - six points for getting the ball across the line. Christoph is shocked: “In my country, they only give one point.” East German rationing.
Afterward, they take Christoph to the mall, so he can enjoy all the delights of capitalism. Unlike Arthur, he doesn’t buy everything. But he does eat his first pizza, and then some ice cream. Then they go to an American film, which they don’t get a lot of in East Germany. Christoph thinks this is all much better than practising gymnastics. Write that down for later.
They listen to music in Steven’s room. Christoph is excellent at keeping the beat - he loves playing the drums, and has a drum set at home. But he spends most of the time practising gymnastics. His parents have Olympic expectations. Christoph’s fellow gymnasts Bruno and Konrad come to visit. Konrad wants to listen to music too, but Bruno disapproves. He’s come to give Christoph his schedule for the week - lateness is not tolerated.
The Unicorns are cranky that Christoph never met them on Saturday. But then they met him and are charmed by his beauty. The East Germans put on a gymnastics demonstration. Christoph is the best performer. The final event is the parallel bars, which they perform as a competition between Christoph and Bruno. Who wins? Christoph of course! Bruno is pissed, and storms off, unwilling to shake Christoph’s hand.
Dairi Burger. Elizabeth interviews Christoph for the newspaper. Christoph talks about how much he loves America. Unicorns fawn. More gymnasts come in and join them. Enter the evil Bruno! He tells Christoph to spend less time flirting and more time training. Christoph yells at him and then decides he’s going to leave. Jessica follows him, because he doesn’t know his way home. Christoph tells Jessica that Bruno has been threatening to tell Christoph’s parents that he hasn’t been working hard on the trip. Bruno is a Stasi informer for sure.
The day of the gymnastic exhibit, Christoph and assorted unicorns are at the mall. You know, maybe I’m blinded by my own experience, but a lot of fourteen-year-old boys prefer the company of boys their own age to shopping with girls. Bruno finds Christoph and tells him that the time of the exhibit has been moved from 7pm to 8pm. Don’t trust him, Christoph!
Christoph gets to the gym at 7pm to warm up. But everyone else is ready to perform! Bruno lied to him! How shocking. Coach Schmidt is angry and conveniently doesn’t give Christoph a chance to explain. Instead, Christoph will not be allowed to perform tonight, which will put him at a disadvantage for tomorrow’s exhibit which is the one that really counts. Bruno says “It looks as if I am the best gymnast on the team now. All I must do is win the competition tomorrow night, and I will be number one. Your father will be disappointed in you. Too bad you were late.” That sounds great if you do a German accent.
Christoph tells the Wakefield siblings that night. They say he should say something, but he thinks he just needs to be amazing the next night. An East German ballet dancer defects to the US. Steven asks Christoph if he knows him, as if all people from East Germany are a big family. Christoph looks uncomfortable.
The East German edition of the Sixers comes out. Julie thinks they should double the usual print run, because all the members of the East German squad want a copy to take home. The usual print run of the Sixers is ten? Also, would the gymnasts be allowed to bring capitalist propaganda back into the country?
The exhibit. Christoph does not perform well. Elizabeth gives him a pep talk and he does a little better, ending in 3rd place. But 3rd place is not good enough! His father will be angry. The following night is the dance. Yes, another dance. All ghost writers are contractually obliged to include a dance. Or at least a party of some sorts. The Unicorns give Christoph a pair of drumsticks. He’s pleased, but thinks once he returns to East Germany his father won’t let him do anything else but gymnastics. Elizabeth talks to the band (Johnny Gordon and The Waves), who get Christoph to drum to a Johnny Buck record. Everyone loves Christoph. Bruno leaves angrily, his eyebrows flaring.
The gymnasts are scheduled to leave the next morning, but Christoph hasn’t got out of bed. He’s sick; Coach Schmidt and a doctor are called. Christoph is not fit to travel, so he has to stay behind. Coach Schmidt is for some reason leaving a group of thirteen-year-old boys to travel across the world alone because he needs to go to a seminar in San Francisco. Coach Schmidt has an ulterior motive for going to San Francisco, I’m sure.
Christoph remains ill. He doesn’t want to eat much. Elizabeth reassures him that he’s in good nursing hands, because she’s been reading about Florence Nightingale (!). He remains ill for three days. Food starts going missing. This is because Christoph has been faking sick and stealing food in the middle of the day! The twins confront him; Christoph announces that he’s not going back to East Germany and he’s planning to defect!
Christoph’s mother calls from East Germany. Would that be allowed? Would she need special permission to call another country? The twins listen in on the extension, because they have no concept of personal privacy. Helpfully Christoph demands his mother speaks English, because he is American now. He tells them he’s not coming back. Christoph’s family are devastated, not only because their son doesn’t want to return home, but now they are related to a deserter, so the Stasi will tap their phones and open their mail. In a more focused way.
For once the twins do the most responsible thing, and talk to their parents. But clearly their parents are mad, because instead of talking to Christoph, the twins come up with a ridiculous plan. Christoph’s mother mentioned his birthday during their phone call; the twins will throw him a super-German birthday party which will make him homesick, changing his mind about the defection. The parents agree!
Steven and Ned take Christoph to a basketball game whilst the womenfolk stay home doing all the work. They have maps of Germany, pictures of his teammates, German music, and loads of German food. Including strudel. Along comes Christoph, who is delighted by the party, especially the strudel. Christoph’s father calls. Two transatlantic phone calls in one week! Christoph decides to go home. It is unclear how related that is to the birthday present waiting for him; a drum kit.
As Christoph goes to leave, Jessica comes rushing in with the new Johnny Buck album, not available in East Germany. A rare moment of selflessness.
Todd does not feature in this book at all. How odd. This would have been the perfect time to punch somebody in the face.
Finally, the title. At no point does Elizabeth refer to Christoph as her hero, nor does he exhibit any heroic behaviour. It’s so clear that the title was decided before the book was written.
Following in the trend of Elizabeth welcoming foreigners to America, here’s another inexplicably attractive exchange student dazzled by the every-day life of Sweet Valley.
The cover is especially bizarre; Elizabeth shakes hands with exchange student Christoph, who has exactly the same face as Elizabeth! It looks like Jessica has become a lesbian, which is particularly creepy because Christoph seems to be checking Elizabeth out.
Ten male gymnasts from East Germany are coming to Sweet Valley to demonstrate the merits of communism. Or their gymnastics. Yes, East Germany. There hasn’t been a Sweet Valley book this dated since Sweet Valley Twins and the Threat of Communism, where an attractive Russian exchange student named Sascha comes to Sweet Valley and convinces the Unicorns (through the power of his Slavic cheekbones) to change their signature colour from purple to red. A craze for calling each other ‘comrade’ sweeps through the school. Meanwhile, Elizabeth is shocked when Sascha joins the Sixers and proposes changing the name to Pravda.
(Seriously, when did they stop selling this book? My copy says it was published in 1990. Francine Pascal must have been pissed when the Berlin Wall fell. That’s what you get for attempting topicality!)
But I digress.
Jessica and Lila are making a Unicorns welcome banner for the gymnasts. Maybe I should just cut and paste my last recap for “Princess Elizabeth”. It’s basically the same thing. Caroline Pearce is smug, because one of the gymnasts, Christoph Beckmann, is staying with her family. Thankfully her banner is awful, so Jessica can still feel snooty towards her. There were a great deal of potential host families, but only ten gymnasts, so not everyone could be involved. The Wakefields are 11th on the list. Innnteresting.
The twins’ older brother Steven is looking out for East German spy planes. No, really. He’s got binoculars and everything. I like it when they give Steven something to do. Steven thinks the impending visit by East Germans is an issue of national security, and no laughing matter. Well, they were given visas, so I imagine the US government is quite aware of their movements.
As ever, the Sixers is going to have a special East German edition. They can put a copy of it on the wall next to their special Santa Dora edition. But wait! Caroline Pearce’s grandmother is sick, so Christoph can’t stay with them! Where could he stay - perhaps with the Wakefields?
Yes. That is where.
Says the book:
One of the biggest events in Sweet Valley history was about to happen, and they were going to be at the center of it!
Like in every single book.
Everyone in Sweet Valley goes to the airport to meet the East German gymnasts. The Wakefields meet Christoph. He is nice. They take him home and feed him a “typically American” meal. Burger and fries. He tells them about his deprived life in East Germany. They only have a few weeks off school a year, and lives in a stone house with stained glass windows, with an ivy-covered fence on a cobbled road. It is described as ‘quaint’. Christoph’s two younger sisters are gymnasts too, because his father had his gymnastic Olympic dreams crushed by an injury. Steven finally softens to Christoph when he wants to learn basketball.
The next day, the twins argue whether to interview Christoph or take him to the Dairi Burger to meet the Unicorns. Shockingly, he’s made his own plans which don’t involve the twins! He’s playing basketball with Steven. Later, they go to a football game. Stephen explains the scoring system - six points for getting the ball across the line. Christoph is shocked: “In my country, they only give one point.” East German rationing.
Afterward, they take Christoph to the mall, so he can enjoy all the delights of capitalism. Unlike Arthur, he doesn’t buy everything. But he does eat his first pizza, and then some ice cream. Then they go to an American film, which they don’t get a lot of in East Germany. Christoph thinks this is all much better than practising gymnastics. Write that down for later.
They listen to music in Steven’s room. Christoph is excellent at keeping the beat - he loves playing the drums, and has a drum set at home. But he spends most of the time practising gymnastics. His parents have Olympic expectations. Christoph’s fellow gymnasts Bruno and Konrad come to visit. Konrad wants to listen to music too, but Bruno disapproves. He’s come to give Christoph his schedule for the week - lateness is not tolerated.
The Unicorns are cranky that Christoph never met them on Saturday. But then they met him and are charmed by his beauty. The East Germans put on a gymnastics demonstration. Christoph is the best performer. The final event is the parallel bars, which they perform as a competition between Christoph and Bruno. Who wins? Christoph of course! Bruno is pissed, and storms off, unwilling to shake Christoph’s hand.
Dairi Burger. Elizabeth interviews Christoph for the newspaper. Christoph talks about how much he loves America. Unicorns fawn. More gymnasts come in and join them. Enter the evil Bruno! He tells Christoph to spend less time flirting and more time training. Christoph yells at him and then decides he’s going to leave. Jessica follows him, because he doesn’t know his way home. Christoph tells Jessica that Bruno has been threatening to tell Christoph’s parents that he hasn’t been working hard on the trip. Bruno is a Stasi informer for sure.
The day of the gymnastic exhibit, Christoph and assorted unicorns are at the mall. You know, maybe I’m blinded by my own experience, but a lot of fourteen-year-old boys prefer the company of boys their own age to shopping with girls. Bruno finds Christoph and tells him that the time of the exhibit has been moved from 7pm to 8pm. Don’t trust him, Christoph!
Christoph gets to the gym at 7pm to warm up. But everyone else is ready to perform! Bruno lied to him! How shocking. Coach Schmidt is angry and conveniently doesn’t give Christoph a chance to explain. Instead, Christoph will not be allowed to perform tonight, which will put him at a disadvantage for tomorrow’s exhibit which is the one that really counts. Bruno says “It looks as if I am the best gymnast on the team now. All I must do is win the competition tomorrow night, and I will be number one. Your father will be disappointed in you. Too bad you were late.” That sounds great if you do a German accent.
Christoph tells the Wakefield siblings that night. They say he should say something, but he thinks he just needs to be amazing the next night. An East German ballet dancer defects to the US. Steven asks Christoph if he knows him, as if all people from East Germany are a big family. Christoph looks uncomfortable.
The East German edition of the Sixers comes out. Julie thinks they should double the usual print run, because all the members of the East German squad want a copy to take home. The usual print run of the Sixers is ten? Also, would the gymnasts be allowed to bring capitalist propaganda back into the country?
The exhibit. Christoph does not perform well. Elizabeth gives him a pep talk and he does a little better, ending in 3rd place. But 3rd place is not good enough! His father will be angry. The following night is the dance. Yes, another dance. All ghost writers are contractually obliged to include a dance. Or at least a party of some sorts. The Unicorns give Christoph a pair of drumsticks. He’s pleased, but thinks once he returns to East Germany his father won’t let him do anything else but gymnastics. Elizabeth talks to the band (Johnny Gordon and The Waves), who get Christoph to drum to a Johnny Buck record. Everyone loves Christoph. Bruno leaves angrily, his eyebrows flaring.
The gymnasts are scheduled to leave the next morning, but Christoph hasn’t got out of bed. He’s sick; Coach Schmidt and a doctor are called. Christoph is not fit to travel, so he has to stay behind. Coach Schmidt is for some reason leaving a group of thirteen-year-old boys to travel across the world alone because he needs to go to a seminar in San Francisco. Coach Schmidt has an ulterior motive for going to San Francisco, I’m sure.
Christoph remains ill. He doesn’t want to eat much. Elizabeth reassures him that he’s in good nursing hands, because she’s been reading about Florence Nightingale (!). He remains ill for three days. Food starts going missing. This is because Christoph has been faking sick and stealing food in the middle of the day! The twins confront him; Christoph announces that he’s not going back to East Germany and he’s planning to defect!
Christoph’s mother calls from East Germany. Would that be allowed? Would she need special permission to call another country? The twins listen in on the extension, because they have no concept of personal privacy. Helpfully Christoph demands his mother speaks English, because he is American now. He tells them he’s not coming back. Christoph’s family are devastated, not only because their son doesn’t want to return home, but now they are related to a deserter, so the Stasi will tap their phones and open their mail. In a more focused way.
For once the twins do the most responsible thing, and talk to their parents. But clearly their parents are mad, because instead of talking to Christoph, the twins come up with a ridiculous plan. Christoph’s mother mentioned his birthday during their phone call; the twins will throw him a super-German birthday party which will make him homesick, changing his mind about the defection. The parents agree!
Steven and Ned take Christoph to a basketball game whilst the womenfolk stay home doing all the work. They have maps of Germany, pictures of his teammates, German music, and loads of German food. Including strudel. Along comes Christoph, who is delighted by the party, especially the strudel. Christoph’s father calls. Two transatlantic phone calls in one week! Christoph decides to go home. It is unclear how related that is to the birthday present waiting for him; a drum kit.
As Christoph goes to leave, Jessica comes rushing in with the new Johnny Buck album, not available in East Germany. A rare moment of selflessness.
Todd does not feature in this book at all. How odd. This would have been the perfect time to punch somebody in the face.
Finally, the title. At no point does Elizabeth refer to Christoph as her hero, nor does he exhibit any heroic behaviour. It’s so clear that the title was decided before the book was written.