SVK 74 Sweet Valley Blizzard
See, snow in Sweet Valley! The cover shows it happening so it must happen! The cover never lies!
So, hi! This is my first recap. Well, my second. I wrote a recap of Class Picture Day! but then my computer went and died so I figured I’d share this with you for the time being. This one’s almost a continuation of Class Picture Day! Continuity, who knew?
The book starts with Mr Crane handing out mail from their Alaskan pen pals. Here’s a brief recap of the last five books for the confused among us; Mr Crane is the twins’ latest teacher (third of the year?), after Mrs Otis retired (in Good-bye Mrs Otis). Before she left she got the class Alaskan pen pals in Class Picture Day! (Exclamation point theirs.) Everyone’s excited about the letters, except for Jessica. You see her pen pal just happens to be a boy. She seems to have forgotten that by the end of Class Picture Day! she (spoilers) accepted that just because Bob was a boy, didn’t mean he couldn’t be nice (also; Bruce Willis’ hair was dead all along).
Oh, and despite being about Jess’ pen pal visiting, Liz is narrating. It’s amazing someone so young can be so condescending.
Also; I hope that you, like me, are pretending that Mr Crane is actually Niles Crane from Frasier.
“Okay kids, let’s learn about opera!”
The kids read their letters; it’s snowing in Alaska, they went on a class trip to Russia, etc, etc. Lila gets some ear muffs from her pen pal (like on the cover!). Then suddenly Jess acts like she’s going to be sick (so much so that Elizabeth runs to get the bin for her to throw up in). Perfect twins don’t throw up so it turns out it was her responding to the news that Mooseboy (the nickname Bob got in Class Picture Day!) will be visiting some family member in Cali and so will be visiting Jess and the gang at school.
In a scene exactly like one in CPD! Jessica’s classmates tease her about Bob and the teacher present (Mr Crane) just gives them a “look”. Then the class starts talking about what it must be like to live in Alaska. They eventually decide that in Alaska there are no cars, houses or electricity. Everyone lives in igloos and Alaskans get around by dogsled. It’s like that giant project on Alaska they did in CPD! never happened and they haven’t been pen pals with a bunch of Alaskans for the last however many months. Mr Crane, by the way, never steps in to correct them.
Jessica draws up checklist of activities for Mooseboy (basically, she makes so she doesn’t have to spend any time with him). Charlie gets to teach him about electricity! I’m not sure what Mr Crane is doing… standing in the corner being quiet? How can he be more incompetent than Otis? YOU’RE A TEACHER, TEACH SOMETHING.
Now here’s one of those funny ways the twins’ are different; Jess is worried that Moosebob will smell like a moose, however, Liz is worried that Jessica will treat him so badly that he’ll go back to Alaska hating Sweet Valley and infect the rest of Alaska with Sweet Valley hate and they’ll form a “we hate Sweet Valley” club and they’ll write in their newspaper how hideous Sweet Valley and the people of Sweet Valley are. No phones or heaters, but they have a newspaper?
It turns out he’s just been sitting at his desk. Elizabeth goes up to him and asks him if they can decorate the classroom with snowflakes and such for Moosebob’s visit. Mr Crane’s cool with that. It turns out that’ll fit in nicely with the unit on weather they’re doing. He asks Jess when Moosebob is visiting. In Sweet Valley you don’t need permission to visit elementary schools; you can just pop in at any time!
We skip to the day of Moosebob’s visit (a whole two days later; it’s a good thing those letters didn’t get delayed or lost in the mail). Jessica attempts to fake sick, but apparently Mrs Wakefield isn’t as gullible as Liz. They decorate the classroom with snowflakes (Elizabeth is upset to hear there aren’t twin snowflakes) and igloos made out sugar cubes.
Bob turns up and the whole class is shocked to see he’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Just like they are! It’s not like they saw the Alaskan class wearing normal clothes in that class picture they got in CPD! or anything…
The kids see that Bob is normal (Lila and Ellen think he’s cute) and he clears them up about how he, you know, lives in a house and has TV and stuff. Lila is horrified to hear that people Alaska don’t have swimming pools in their backyards. He’s also brought presents for them, so they love him.
Mr Crane announces recess and tells Jess to show Bob around the playgroup, but Jess refers to her list and passes him off to Jerry. Liz and a bunch of kids play soccer with Bob, while Jess is off skipping rope with Lila.
At lunch Jessica skilfully passes Bob off to Winston. It turns out Liz has to narrate this one because Jess spends most of it ignoring Bob. Bob’s favourite food is pizza and his favourite pizza is one with pineapple on it. Elizabeth exclaims that’s Jess’ favourite too. Bob didn’t think anyone else liked pineapple on their pizza!
Hey, Bob, where I’m from (South Australia) almost everyone has pineapple on their pizza. Hawaiian (ham and pineapple) is probably the most popular (my sister’s boyfriend works at Pizza Hut and he agrees). Until I was seventeen it was the only pizza I would eat. As a kid the idea that you wouldn’t have pineapple baffled me as much as characters in books were by the idea of putting pineapple on.
After lunch the class watch Mr Crane boil some water. Yes, really. Bob’s aunt picks up, but that’s not the end of Bob as it turns out that Lila’s throwing him a party the next day. It’s a surprise snow party - George has forked out for a snow machine.
The next day the twins pile on their warm clothes (it turns out their grandma sent them the thick jackets. It doesn’t say she’s senile, but that’s the conclusion I’m drawing) and head over to Fowler Crescent. Lila’s backyard is full of snow and they have fun and eat snow cones and drink hot chocolate (in a comedic moment Winston puts some of his lime snow cone into his too hot hot chocolate and then discovers it tastes horrible).
Then Bob turns up and Liz worries that he doesn’t seem to be having fun. She immediately blames Jessica. HOLY CRAP, Generic Superhero! Seven year old Elizabeth is so worried about micro-managing everyone she can’t do anything else (like have fun). Well, at least she’s acting in character?
Then one of the butlers announces lunch (one of them!) They have hot dogs. Yes, Bob has had hot dogs before. After lunch Lizzie convinces Jess to apologise to Bob (for ignoring him). Jess does, but a few minutes later Liz releases that Bob still seems upset. She assumes that all this snow is making Bob homesick. Le sigh.
On Monday Bob’s back with the class for some reason. They talk about snow. Mr Crane talks about how it doesn’t snow in SoCal that often, but it does happen (I didn’t know that). Liz gets Bob to admit what’s really bothering him; he can’t decide between Coke and Pepsi. Okay, he wanted to get away from snow and have some sun and they’re showing the fake snow on him. Jess suggests they have a picnic on the beach to make up for it. Mr Crane’s: “what, yeah, sure, whatever, we can blow off a whole day to go to the beach”. Bob describes Jess as the “best pen pal ever” and Jess doesn’t mind because BOYS ARE AWESOME now.
It turns out that when planning a party Mr Crane isn’t so incompetent. He manages to organise permission, transport, parental volunteers and lunch by Friday (somehow). There’s joking about sharks which worries Bob. They assure him there isn’t any sharks and Mr Crane tells him to stick near the parent chaperons… and then they don’t going swimming, anyway. How is a shark going to get them if they don’t go in the water? Land sharks? Also; why are they wearing bathers if they’re not going to swim? Also; it’s somehow way too cold to go swimming, but hot enough they have to cover themselves in sunblock.
Then they joke about how the class thought that Bob ate raw fish, while Bob thought they ate raw fish (sushi). They eat hamburgers for lunch and Bob is happy. Then it gets cold and looks like it’s going to rain… We all know it doesn’t rain in Sweet Valley so it starts snowing. When the Wakefields want it to snow it snows. Despite not being cold enough. Jess gives Bob a bag of sand and some shells and Bob gives her an Eskimo doll. The class is happy because they get to play in the snow and Bob is happy because he gets to play in the sand. The end!
Well, except for a blurb for Little Drummer Girls which includes the question “Which twin will make the most noise?” But that’s a disgusting joke for a different series.
Bonus; I got this book ex-library and the activities have been filled in. Picture!
If you can’t read that it says:
Dear Bob, How are you? I hope your trip back to Alaska was boring . We all liked meeting you. It was really silly when we went to the Tanpon centre . What was your favourite California food? I thought it was really funny when you ate a snail . Did it taste good ? Lila says hi. She thinks you’re cute . Isn’t that discusting ? Tomorrow we’re going to talk about snow in class. You know I’ll be Bored!!!! We miss you, Bob! Write back soon! Your pen pal, Jessica. (And then someone's written "very funny" on it like they're grading it. A Liz fan, no doubt.)
That was my attempt, but before I leave I just want to say that I've been lurking here for far too long and well, I love you all (in a non-stalkerish way, despite having used the word "lurking"). Seriously, you made me laugh and in the dark times when I didn't have the internet whenever I'd have access I'd save a bunch of recaps and read them madly at home. Thinking about it; that sounds pretty stalkerish, sorry.
(Hopes I've done everything correctly)