SVT No 73: Lila's Music Video
Well this is my first snark review of a book so please be patient with me. I'm also using my laptop instead of my desktop PC so the keyboard is shite, so i will apologise now for any spelling, grammer or other errors you may (hopefully not) find!
Lila's going to be a star!
Well, the book starts off at Lila's mansion. The Unicorns are watching Melody Power's new single. (don't you just love the pop star's names' in these books? Kinda makes 'Madonna' and Elvis Presley' look tame)! Anyways, so her newest single has just been released and Lila, being of course, stinking filthy rich, has a 'huge, widescreen TV' so they are watching it there (note: Grace Oliver shows her appreciation by throwing popcorn in the air and catching it on her mouth. isn't that something boys do? Wouldnt Janet be horrified?Anyway, i digress, back on to the review). Cue the usual description of Lila's mansion "whole Fowler home looked like a dream come true. The den had a huge TV and a SonicSurround home-theater sound system blah blah blah" Oh and the whole Fowler history, about Lila's parents, not having a mom etc. I dunno why they insist on putting this in, maybe to make up for how she treats people in the books? Thats it, ghostwriters, nastiness can be glossed over cos your mommy ran off. ANYWAY! We have a stock description of the Unicorns too, and the twins.
The Unicorns start 'shimmying' (love that word) to the music, and Grace (who was obviously was getting daggers from Janet - don't let me down now) decides to try the dance steps. So up they get and start dancing. Jessica treads on Tamara's toe (which I thought was strange, because Jessica not long ago was a star ballet student and therefore should be able to cavort round Lila's huge living room without treading on people. Also, the Uni's hate looking like idiots, and it just says she"started giggling', not sat down in shame whilst everyone else took the piss, threw popcorn or chucked her in the pool. Lila gets up and starts doing the move perfectly. She shows the other girls how to do them and they start improvising. lila's star move is to, er, let me check..."Lila jumped in the air, crossed and uncrossed her ankles quickly, and came back down. then she spun around twice and ended in a semi-split - just like Melody Powers." Now i dont know about you guys, but if a star tried that on stage, theyd end up wrapped in cables and god knows what. But never mind, this is SV remember! So they start moving through the house, and BOOM! jessica falls over. Then Mary falls on top of Jess. Then Janet (NOOO!) Lila of course, being Li, does it again (to show off haha) and they all get up to do the moves to the last bit of the song, whch goes "Love you baby, Love you baby,ooohh" (wicked, i might try that as a career next, if thats all you gotta write)! As they dance through the house, jessica, who can't go for 5 minutes without seeing oneself in a mirror, sees them in a mirror and thinks "we look great dancing together. just like a video". Hang on, you were all on the floor 5 minutes ago. But ok! So suddenly she has a "great, fabulous, wonderful, incredibly brilliant idea" God how many describing words do you want, did you rip the thesaurus bare? So over a pint of ice cream (each! 12 is THE age for spots, you know)they decide to make a pop video to enter in 'The School days competition for amatuer video makers', which just so happens to be running at the same time Lila discovered she could dance. Love the coincidences! They want to win so they can buy the school a new VCR.hmm, sounds a bit unselfish but i supose they would be on national TV......By the end of the chapter the usual competition between Li and jess is on to be the star of the video. had to be really or where would half the plot be! Lol!
Right chapter 2 starts with Amy and Liz in Liz's bedroom. Liz has been of school ill with a cold (!!) and Amy is round there. she has been reading some true story about a spy, and is convinced its her future career. She thinks Randy Mason is stealing school funds because....shock shock horror....he got given $10 for a new bulletin board and only had a receipt for $7,25, and ONLY PUT TWO DOLLARS ON THE DESK! When asked, he said he bought pushpins from another store. Hahahaha! Liz tells Amy not to be so silly! (actually, she has a point, where was the receipt for the pushpins, hmmm!) Jess rushes in and shows off her moves. Liz starts sneezing and its clear her cold is still bad, so she will be missing more school (oh noes). Jess talks about the new 'Unicorn Rock' video (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!) Then there's a bit more foreshadowing of the competition, as Jessica says she wants to be the lead singer but Lila does too, and so on.
Next they are planning the video. People are being given parts, ie Bruce, maria, Scott and Betsy are the musicians etc. it glosses over this part to the lead singer decision. Of course, nobody else wants to give it a shot, apart from Lila and Jessica. i don't suppose they thought both of them could do it? No no no, would be too easy hehe! they ask them both to audition. Lila kicks off and refuses, stating it's HER video camera. So she is cast as lead. Jess wouldn't usually take that lying down but ok....! Then they decide to write an original song, to further impress the judges. Jess volunteers to write some lyrics. I can see why she's pissed off tbh, she did suggest it. But then she did how herself to be a complete klutz, so ummm!! They do, however, need a composer. They come up with Johanna Porter (continuity, since she and Julie, Liz's friend are in SVH too, well done ghosties!) Johanna is described as a dork (by Ellen). Hm pot-kettle-black anyone? Anyway so next day Lila asks J to write the tune. She refuses, much to Li's amazement - "Didn't she know what an honour it was to be asked to participate in a Unicorn project?" never mind you guys all probably make her feel like an outcast! So Lila wheedles and begs and gets down on her knees (OK, not quite) and changes J's mind. There's a little scene where Liz has to leave school early cos she now has the flu. Cut to Lila's garage, later that day. J is there, feeling totally out of place. we get to see how shy she is. to her the Unicorns seem "bossy, disorganized and mean"!Correct! ten out of ten for the dork girl in the corner! The unis start arguing and tripping over one another, and the musicians cant play together and chaos basically ensues! J goes to leave when Maria stops her by talking nicely to her. Jessica asks Johanna to read the lyrics she has written, and she starts to feel a bit better, although she does think Lila is 'eccentric!' lol!
The next scene is Lila's house. They are starting to record the song. The musicians start up, they get to the opening bars and......Lila won't sing. She 'cant read the notes, they're too light". Getting an idea of the plot yet, anyone? Johanna gives lila another copy and they start again...rah,rah,rah and....Lila wont sing. It's too cold! In California? What? Ok so she gets given a sweater, they all start again, oom pah pah and.....Lila wont sing. Her head hurts! Johanna is quite disappointed by this point, she wants to hear the song she has composed. Jessica suggests she take over as lead and Lila then blames her, saying she has ruined the atmosphere. I love Lila's brassiness! The Uni's suggest Lila and Johanna go somewhere private to practise. Lila admits to J in private she cant read music. Johanna offers to teach Lila the song (because she is obviously a glutton for punishment) and then it becomes apparent to Johanna that LILA CANNOT SING!!!! She cant hit a note to save her life! Oh dearie dearie me! Lila cant even hear how awful she is. At this point i would be in hysterics, but Johanna is all nicey nice and keeps on, without even doing the nice thing and saying "Lila, you are awful. You haven't been my friend for 14 years, so i don't really are if you are or not now, just give it up!" instead, she sings it to show Lila how its supposed to be done. Johanna has a fantastic voice (her background is she is a great musician and singer, but too shy to do anything in public) and Lila notices how fantastic she is. Johanna doesn't tell Lila she sounds like a sick cat, she just encourages her to keep trying! Johanna then tells her family she thinks Lila wants to be her friend (yeah, right, are you DENSE!)! Lila starts singing in the shower and her dad bangs on the door asking if she has hurt herself. That made me laugh!! Also, her neighbours dog starts up in chorus with her, which made me laugh more. Giggle. Hehehe!
Lila considers resigning from being the lead singer. She plans to say its because "professional courtesy dictates that Jessica interpret her own work" and therefore Jess can be the lead with Lila's gracious permission! However, Johanna confides in Julie that Lila can't sing at school, and guess who should be eavesdropping but JESSICA! Surprise surprise bet you didn't see that one coming! Jessica of course cant wait to rib it in Lilas face so at lunch the next day she starts goading Lila. This of course puts a stop to any resigning Lila Fowler is going to do (understandably if u ask me) and she comes up with a plan to ask get Johanna to sing while she lip synchs! Haha like nobody would figure that out! She makes up a story that Jessica blackmailed her into singing because she bragged how good she was at singing and jess knew the truth.She sheds a few fake tears, gains J's sympathy and before you know it it's worked. They shoot the video, Lila lip synchs, J sings and guess what everybody, Lila throws a PARTY to celebrate (would be SV without that obligitory party now!) Lila is then mean to J and treats her like shit basically. Friend, indeed. Told you she was dense!
Jessie smells a rat and asks for a copy of the tape from Randy. She studies it all weekend, and then asks Liz to look at it. Liz is dying of the flu and refuses. Liz makes the mistake of telling Jess about Amy's latest spy obsession, so of course Jess goes straight to Amy to convince her something is fishy about the video.
The next day at lunch, predictably, the music video wins 1st prize, and if that wasn't enough, Lila is then entered for a talent contest as her voice is so godo! Uh-oh time!! Lila also starts feeling guilty, not helped my daddy telling her he has sacked an employee for plagarizing, and how bad it is to take the credit for someone else's talent :s! Doesn't Mr F know what Lila sounds like, as he has had to listen to her? And if so, surely he is proud - and bit confused - that his daugther has been entered in so called competition? Hmmm!!! The whole school has been listening, as it was announced in the cafeteria, and just as everyone is congratulating Lila (and Lila is feeling awful as Johanna looks really upset), Jessica and Amy come running in with special editions of the paper stating Lila to be a fraud (If only they knew)! Just as Lila goes to confess, Johanna speaks up and declares it WAS Lila. Amy has a go at Jessica, saying Liz will kill her that she has been printing false rumors in the Sixers while she was editor as Liz is sick. Meanwhile, Lila and Johanna make up (for some reason the stupid girl forgives her ~shakes head in disbelief~).
Jess is still convinced that there is something fishy going on, and convinces Amy that Janet is behind it, as she overhears (AGAIN!) Janet telling Mandy that she has an appointment and nobody else can know about it.
Lila wins the talent contest (like that wasn't going to happen, honestly) and she panics! After a lot of scheming, she comes up with an idea........can we guess what it is yet? She persuades Johanna to sing for her again, this time in Los Angeles at the studio. She says she will introduce Johanna as her, wait for it, personal hairdresser! She drags Johanna to a salon and gets her a complete makeover (gee, thanks Lila, just dent her self confidence even more) and they go to LA in Lila's limo.
Meanwhile, again (should've done these as separate plots really but they all link up in the end) Jessica and Amy are tailing Janet. They follow her to a building which houses a variety of companies. Amy's about ready to throw the towel in but then Jessica spots a sign that says Fowler Industries (as we all know Mr F is rich enough to own SV). Amy gets a bit over-excited and sees a sign for a radio-satellite company. They become convinced that Janet is singing over the air via satellite and Lila is lip synching (close girls, oh so close!). They are further convinced when Janet steps out wearing some strange sort of headgear. They accost her and she, after being very embarrassed, tells them it is nightgear from the orthodontist (this is where I cracked up)!!! They try to force her to admit the 'truth' but she is adamant it is nightgear, and she is wearing it to make sure it fits! Could a 13 year old girl really figure out how to use a satellite, let alone be allowed to? Anyways....
On the freeway, the limo breaks down. Lila and Johanna HAVE to get to LA, so they catch a conveniently placed bus. Lila trips and falls and orders Johanna to make the bus wait. Johanna goes and gets intimidated by the driver, who goes to drive off, when she pretends to be Lila and makes him wait. You need help girl if you think being Lila Fowler is an inspiration! So they get to LA and realise they have no money left; they left it in the limo. Johanna busks with a man on the street to get lunch and a cab (gee she came out of her shell quickly) and they go to the studio. When they get there, shock shock horror, only one girl can go in. As Lila doesn't have the personal limo/driver story to back her up about having a personal hairdresser, they are kinda stuck. Lila manipulates Johanna into going in and singing her rightful song live on air (yeah, right) by calling her a dork. We then find out that Lila had planned to make Johanna sing all along on stage. Johanna goes in and sings and then admits on national TV that she isn't Lila, but Johanna Porter, and sends a public thank you to Lila. Thats where channeling Lila's spirit gets you, is it? Instead of getting into any trouble, Lila and Johanna both get congratulated, and Amy has a true story for the Sixers. And Johanna's family are really pleased that Johanna has been recognised!
The book end with Amy being glad Liz is well enough to take over the paper again, as she didn't like being an editor and made a few (FEW!) mistakes. Elizabeth then suggests they sign up for a local lifesaving course and cover it in the paper - "as you never know when lifesaving skills will come in handy!" Foreshadowing, anyone, for the next book, Elizabeth the Hero!
The End (thank god for that!)
All in all, this book is good for the comedy value of Jess and Amy teaming up, and also I suppose it is harmless reading......I suppose, lol!
NOTE: Ive just added an image of the cover...this isn't the one I have but the pics the same.....if anyone has a bigger version tho please post it cos this one is crap :)