Sweet Valley High #48: Slam Book Fever
I'm home sick from work, so I've had time to do another recap! This one was a request from
kiwiria.
Sweet Valley High #48: Slam Book Fever
This book was a bunch of frothy fun! The angst was realistic, people didn’t behave too stupidly, they resolved their problems in a (mostly) mature way, and there was lots and lots of Jessica’s best friend and biggest rival: wealthy mean girl Lila Fowler. Love her. I make no apologies for the fact that Lila is my favorite character in this entire series, and she is awesome in this book.
In a nutshell: Everyone at SVH goes mad for slam books, where kids vote for each other in categories like Class Clown and Best Looking. Lila tries to break Jeffrey French and Liz up by writing Jeffrey and artsy Olivia Davidson down in the Couples of the Future category, and matching Liz with the new boy in school, southern redhead AJ Morgan. This infuriates Jessica, who has a crush on AJ herself, and so Jess and Olivia team up to stop Lila by reconciling Liz and Jeffrey. And, through it all, Lila is devastatingly scheming and tricky, while never getting a single hair out of place. Love. Her.
The B plot was Jessica’s crush on AJ, and also Olivia’s breakup with rags-to-riches track star Roger Barret Patman, kind of, but these were so entwined with the A plot about slam books that it would be confusing to tell them separately.
“Biggest Flirt. Wow,” AJ said. “Ten votes for Jessica Wakefield.”
The book starts at lunchtime at the SVH cafeteria. All the most popular girls in the class - Jessica, Elizabeth, Steven’s girlfriend Cara Walker, cheerleader Maria Santelli, boy crazy Amy Sutton, and awesome Lila Fowler - are sitting together. I guess Enid wasn’t invited. Amy wants to start something they used to do at her old high school in Connecticut called slam books. To make a slam book, you buy a composition book with a speckled cover, you know the ones they mean, and divide it in half for a girls’ part and a boys’ part. Then you write your name on the inside cover and invent categories for each page, like Best Looking, Best Kisser, Biggest Airhead, etc. Exchange your book with someone else, fill in all the categories in the book you have, and keep on trading. At the end of the day, return the slam book you have to the person whose name is on the inside cover. Ta da! My seventh grade totally did this, too.
The girls all love the idea (Jess immediately starts dreaming of being named Most Popular. She is cheerleading co-captain and president of exclusive sorority Pi Beta Alpha, after all). Liz is a spoilsport, of course: she kills the mood by saying it sounds potentially mean. It doesn’t stop her from going to the stationary store after school with the rest of the girls, though. Typical Liz.
Later on, the twins are in the school hallway and see a new kid opening his locker. He’s tall with red hair, and Jess blushes and runs away instead of going up to introduce herself. Liz goes into the Oracle office, where her boyfriend Jeffrey French (Todd is still in Vermont, I guess) is talking to bohemian Olivia Davidson, arts editor for the paper. Olivia is starting up a literary magazine, and trying to find a co-editor. Liz has already turned her down (she just doesn’t have enough time between schoolwork, her Eyes and Ears gossip column, and her other writing), and now Olivia is trying to get Jeffrey to help. He’s turned her down too, but Olivia is persistent. She’s been working really hard, but says it’s good because she needs some distractions. Jeffrey goes to the darkroom (so I guess he’s a photographer for the newspaper, but honestly, his character is so boring that the only thing I remembered about him was his first name. At least Todd had the distinction of being a rather dim basketball player falsely accused of attempted rape who lashes out with violence anytime he thinks someone might potentially be possibly maybe getting in the way of Elizabeth’s safety or just kind of annoying him) and Liz takes advantage of her moment alone with Olivia to pry into Olivia’s business. Butt out, Liz. But we all know Elizabeth Wakefield, don’t we? She never met a situation that didn’t make her want to meddle.
Olivia confesses that she and her boyfriend, Roger Barret Patman, are fighting a lot lately. Then we get a summary of Roger’s backstory, for people who’d forgotten. Sixteen year old Roger Barret was raised by Mama Barret, a poor single mother who worked in the Patman canning factory. When she got heart disease, Bruce Patman’s father paid the medical bills out of his own pocket. (He must offer his factory employees really crappy insurance.) All the Patman money couldn’t save doomed Mama Barret, though, and she died earlier in the school year. That’s when Mr. and Mrs. Patman announced that they were adopting Roger, because it turns out that he was the illegitimate son of Mr. Patman’s dead brother who was sleeping with the canning factory’s female employees, and nobody ever knew of Roger’s parentage but Roger’s mom and Bruce’s parents. So his name became Roger Barret Patman, he’s Bruce’s first cousin/adopted younger brother, he lives in their mansion, and he’s the other richest boy in Sweet Valley. I don’t think they bought him a 1ROGER1 Porsche, though. Anyway, Jeffrey drives Liz home and Liz doesn’t even wait five minutes before she betrays Olivia’s confidence and tells Jeffrey all about their relationship problems. Nice.
Slam books have caught on like wildfire. All the girls think the new redheaded kid is hot. Lila talked to him, and shares that his name is AJ Morgan, short for Adam Joseph, and he’s an army kid from Atlanta and kind of shy. Jess is mad that Lila talked to AJ long enough to find out all that, and then even more angry that she’s winning Biggest Flirt, hands down, in all the slam books. After school, soccer star Aaron Dallas introduces Jess to AJ, but Jess is completely out of character. She’s tongue tied and can’t think of a thing to say, so she winds up standing there silently, blushing, until it’s time for her to head to cheer practice. What’s her deal? Even though AJ gamely tries to make conversation, she just kind of stammers and looks at the floor. We learn that he’s trying out for the basketball team.
After practice, Jess asks Liz, “Do you think I’m a flirt?” Liz is like, “Duh,” and Jess tells her how upset she is about the slam books all saying so. She’s afraid AJ might see them and get a bad impression of her. Jess cries.
Next, we get a little bit of proof that one of the ghostwriters half paid attention to her eighth grade creative writing teacher when he told the class, “Show, don’t tell.” So we get a scene between Olivia and Roger, but it doesn’t quite accomplish what they seem to think it will, because the kids aren’t fighting. They’re talking about how they’ve been fighting. And then we get the exposition:
The past few months had been nothing but arguments. A familiar pattern had established itself: Roger would do something to hurt Olivia, she would strike back or start a fight, and they would come to this point, staring miserably at each other, not wanting to break up and not wanting to go on.
That’s not what “Show, don’t tell,” means, ghostwriters. It’s close, except the opposite of what you just did. C- for the effort.
The next day at school, Amy has a new idea for the slam books. She wants to make a Crystal Ball section with predictions for the future, like Least Likely to go on a Date before the Year 2000. People vote for Winston Egbert for Most Likely to be in People Magazine, and he stops by the lunch table to rib the girls for making him Class Clown instead of Most Handsome. Amy asks him if would get the boys into it, like Ken Matthews and Aaron Dallas, and Winston just says, “No.” Hee. That’s actually kind of funny. He asks them to put him down for Most Likely to be Cutest Guy in Ten Years, and that’s one he might have a fighting chance of winning, if you want my opinion. The class clowns always do. Lila checks out Jess’s slam book and reads one of Jess’s new categories out loud: New Couples of the Future. Her brow furrows a little. Winston keeps joking around, but Jess doesn’t laugh because AJ has just walked into the lunchroom.
And, although we don’t know it yet, that’s the point where Lila gets her idea. It’s subtly done. (Subtlety in a Sweet Valley High book? Perish the thought!)
After school, Jess is still mad about being called Biggest Flirt in so many of the slam books. Lila and Cara really are good friends to Jess in this scene: they try to diplomatically talk to Jessica about it, and are actually pretty sensitive and reassuring as they try to help her feel better, but she snaps that they and Amy are all bigger flirts than she is. They give up and offer to take her to Casey’s for ice cream to help her feel better. AJ is hanging out with Aaron Dallas in the parking lot, and they have to walk past him to get to Lila’s car. Jess is a spaz, and Cara and Lila think she acted that way on purpose to prove she wasn’t a flirt. She doesn’t correct them, but really it’s that she’s so tongue tied around AJ she couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Liz goes into the Oracle office all happy because she and Jeffrey have a date to go to Secca lake and make out, but Jeffrey forgot and promised Olivia he’d help her with the cover for the literary magazine. Liz is disappointed but understanding, and tells him they’ll reschedule for some other time. They schedule their makeout sessions ahead of time? And reschedule them if they fall through? Later on, Roger picks Olivia up from school, drives her home, and they break up and cry. He wants to stay friends, and they cry some more.
The next day at school, Jeffrey tells Liz that he wants to do a photo essay for the literary magazine of a girl who looks sad at the beginning, and then peaceful and kind of happy at the end. He tells Liz her face is too sunny for it, though, and he thinks Olivia could be good. She’s going to run a photo essay of herself in the first edition of her magazine? That seems kind of weird, but apparently she’s agreed to it. If I’d been Olivia, I’d have encouraged Jeffrey to find a different model. Liz thinks Olivia would be good too; she says Olivia is so pretty, but Jeffrey doesn’t agree. He thinks Liz is pretty, and Olivia is haunting. I’m not sure how flattering that is to either girl, relatively speaking.
Later on, people look through their slam books and see that all of them have Jeffrey French and Olivia Davidson listed in Couple of the Future. Liz rolls her eyes and wants to change the subject, but Jess keeps needling her all, “I’d be furious if it were me,” and, “She broke up with Roger Barret Patman yesterday, so now she’s lonely and on the rebound,” and, “Jeffrey’s been spending a lot of time with Olivia lately, hasn’t he, Liz?” Lila is the voice of reason, telling Jess, “You make it sound like she’s been scheming for months when she and Roger just broke up yesterday.”
I love Lila. Her scheme is already in motion, and she’s being so earnestly supportive of Liz all as part of her plot. But nobody suspects a thing.
Anyhow, finally Liz tells Jess to knock it off, because Olivia is Liz’s friend, and she won’t hear people trashing her behind her back and calling her a boyfriend stealer. Still, Liz is bothered.
After school, Liz and Enid are leaving to do their homework at Enid’s together. Some girls are hanging out on the front lawn and call them over. Enid doesn’t want to go, but Liz is all about taking her mind off of Jeffrey and Olivia showing up in people’s slam books, so she asks Enid if they can stay and hang out for a few minutes. The girls are reading slam book votes to each other. Liz and Enid both get nods for Most All-Around Nice, and Aaron Dallas gets Best Legs. Jessica wins Most Likely to have Six Kids! She’s not happy about it, though. And then there’s an awkward moment when the group realizes that they all have Olivia and Jeffrey as Couple of the Future. Enid rises to the occasion magnificently:
“Come on, you guys,” Enid said suddenly. “What do you want Liz to say? Whoever’s writing these entries is a real jerk and just trying to start trouble.”
Friday night, Jess primps for hours getting ready for the basketball game, and the other cheerleaders tease her. Then she messes up the cheers because she’s distracted by AJ’s hotness. The other girls on her team figure out her crush and good-naturedly tweak her about it, and all she can do is blush. She is definitely not acting like herself. Up in the bleachers, Jeffrey and Liz watch the game. Liz tells him about how he’s showing up in slam books with Olivia, and Jeffrey thinks the whole thing is pretty stupid. He points out that he invited Olivia to join them at the game, but she didn’t show. He’s like, “Would I have invited her to hang out with both of us if I had a crush on her?” He wants to go to the Dairi Burger after the game with the rest of the kids - maybe Olivia will show - and Liz is kind of disappointed. He’s been working so hard on the magazine lately that they haven’t had much time together, so:
She had hoped they might take off alone later, instead of joining the crowd, maybe drive somewhere romantic and have a nice long talk.
Ha! Liz is such a dork! Sure, drive up to Miller’s Point to have a romantic chit chat with your boyfriend, Liz. She must have forgotten to schedule a makeout session five business days in advance. Come to think of it, do she and Jeffrey ever make out? Liz and Todd made out at least four times per book. I don’t think they had to pencil it into their calendars first either.
Well, Olivia isn’t at the Dairi Burger, but everyone else is. They all pile into a booth and have a good time playing with their slam books. To Jessica’s mortification, AJ opens one and reads her overwhelming victory as Biggest Flirt. But then she feels better when he says, “That sure doesn’t seem right to me.” She knows right then and there that she is completely, totally in love. She feels like a new person, and all she wants to think about is AJ. Aaron and Ken flip to Couples of the Future and are all, “Oooooh, Olivia and Jeffrey! Watch out, Liz!” Everyone laughs but Liz. Then they say, “And look who’s right underneath! Elizabeth Wakefield and AJ Morgan!” This time, Jeffrey and Jessica are the only ones who don’t think it’s funny.
The next morning, Liz tries to talk to her mom about whether or not it’s normal to feel jealous, even though you love someone. Her mom assures her that it’s a normal feeling to have sometimes, in moderation, but advises her that the best thing to do is not give in to the jealousy, and have some trust in her relationship. For once, Alice isn’t being a completely useless parent! Say hey for Mrs. Wakefield! It’s actually a really nice scene, and good advice too.
Jessica is furious with Elizabeth for showing up in people’s slam books linked with AJ, not that it’s Liz’s fault or anything. But Jessica’s logic is not our earth logic. She accuses Liz of flirting with AJ at the Dairi Burger and using him to get back at Jeffrey for spending so much time with Olivia. She thinks it was mean to do to Jeffrey, and she doesn’t like it, and she almost calls Elizabeth a slut, but stops herself. Instead, she cries, “I just don’t like seeing my very own twin acting like a-like-”
Liz is blindsided and mystified; she’s like, “All I did was smile at him! He was sitting across the table from me; I couldn’t not smile at him if he smiled at me first!” Jess won’t hear it. Liz asks if she’s interested in AJ and Jess vehemently denies it and cries some more. Liz maturely says, “Jessica, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry if I upset you somehow. But I certainly wasn’t flirting with AJ.” Good apology Liz! You acknowledged her feelings without letting her walk all over you! Look how far Liz has come in forty eight books, people!
Liz has plans to go to the beach with Jeffrey, but she gets a call from him on a payphone saying that he and Olivia are going out to a canyon to do the photo essay because the light is perfect. He calls Olivia Liv, which seems overly familiar to Elizabeth and kind of weirds her out. He says he’ll be back by two, so they can still go to the beach, and Liz agrees.
I’m going to call her Liv in this recap now too, because I’m really tired of typing out Olivia.
By 2:15, Liz is pissed off. Jeffrey still isn’t back, and he hasn’t called. The doorbell rings, and it’s Cara Walker, member of the cheer team, Steven Wakefield’s girlfriend, and one of Jess’s best friends. Cara always seemed like a pretty nice girl to me in this series, actually. A little gossipy, but with a good heart. She demonstrates it here: she’s visibly uncomfortable and upset. Liz asks if she can catch a ride to the beach with her and Jess, since Jeffrey isn’t there yet, and Cara plays nervously with her bracelet and looks miserable.
Cara: Liz, can I ask you something? And you have to promise to be totally honest. If you’d seen something…like, say you’d seen Steven with another girl, and you knew I didn’t know about it. Would you tell me?
Liz: It depends. I might not want to interfere. [Oh, come on. When has Liz not wanted to interfere?] Especially since we’re talking about my brother. But-well, I don’t know. Why? You aren’t trying to tell me something, are you?
Cara: It’s just that it makes me so angry! You’re one of the sweetest people I know, Liz. And I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting you.
Liz tells her to just come out and say what she wants to say, and Cara said that she had a dentist appointment that morning. On her way home, she pulled into a rest stop and saw Jeffrey’s car. She started walking over to say hi, and saw that Jeffrey and Liv were in the car together, and he had his arms around her.
What Cara doesn’t realize is that it must have been nothing, since Jeffrey didn’t have MAKE OUT WITH OLIVIA on his calendar for that day. Liz’s first instinct is to think there must be a logical explanation, and I think that’s sensible of her, since they are friends, and she did just break up with her boyfriend. Maybe she was sad and he was just giving her a hug. Cara never said they were kissing (it wasn’t on the schedule, after all). It’s not something that would make me suspicious, personally. But then Liz thinks about the rest: his spending so much more time with Liv than with Liz lately, his breaking dates to work on the magazine, asking Liv to model for his photo essay, Liv breaking up with her boyfriend, the two of them showing up in slam books, and, okay, actually I have to acknowledge that all those things put together would be enough to prompt me to bring the situation up to my boyfriend as a potential problem. The more Liz thinks about it, the angrier she gets. She tells Cara she’s coming with them to the beach, because she really doesn’t want to be alone. Cara hugs Liz, and Liz cries. Then she makes up her mind to not sit at home and mope.
When they get to the beach, they spot Lila right away because she’s laying on a massive terry towel that says THE RITZ and wearing a gold bathing suit. When asked about her bikini, she replies:
“Daddy got it for me. From Milan. Italy’s the best,” she added complacently, digging around in her beach bag for some suntan oil. “You guys should try to get some stuff airmailed over for you. Sweet Valley just doesn’t have any real selection.”
LOVE. HER. What a fantastic bitch.
She asks after Jeffrey in a friendly way. Jess is a good sister for once and tries to change the subject immediately, figuring Liz doesn’t want to talk about it, but Elizabeth tells Lila they’ve had a parting of the ways. Lila is shocked, and assures Liz that it must just be a misunderstanding, because she and Jeffrey are perfect for each other. Liz starts to cry, and tells Lila that she’d always thought so too, but now it seems like Jeffrey and Liv have kind of fallen for each other. Lila can’t believe it! She correctly points out that just because it was in the stupid slam books doesn’t mean it’s true. And then Lila, all as part of her plan as architect of Liz’s current misery, gives Liz the best advice of anyone in the entire book, because she knows full well that Liz is too proud to ever actually take it:
Lila frowned. “Wait a minute. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You think Jeffrey’s in love with Olivia Davidson. Right?”
“Right.” Elizabeth swallowed hard.
“What does Jeffrey say about it? Have you two talked about this?”
“I-” Elizabeth stared at her. “No, of course not! I can hardly sit down and say, ‘Okay, Jeffrey, tell me why Cara happened to see you with your arms around Olivia today.’ ” [Though I don’t see why she couldn’t say that. I would.]
Lila’s eyes bulged. “You saw them?” she demanded, turning to Cara.
Cara nodded.
“Wow.” Lila was quiet for a minute. “Liz, that’s bad, I admit it. But it’s still no reason to panic. You’ve absolutely got to talk it over with him. Tell him that you trust him and love him and all that, but you need to ask him a few teeny little questions about what’s been going on between Olivia and him. Don’t let him know you’re jealous. It never works if you do.”
Liz insists that there’s no point in trying to talk things out; she and Jeffrey are through and he’s in love with Olivia now. Lila offers to talk to Jeffrey for Liz, kind of as a go-between to see how he’s really feeling, and Liz says she doesn’t care. Brilliantly done, Lila. Standing ovation!
The girls spot AJ playing beach volleyball with Ken and Aaron, and Liz figures she might as well go flirt with him, since they were paired up in the slam books and all. She thinks he’s pretty nice, and figures it might take her mind off of how upset she is over Jeffrey. Jess shrieks, “You can’t do that!” and Liz hilariously misunderstands and acknowledges, “I know. I’ll probably botch it up.” HEE! She trots off to the say hi to the boys.
She really is awful at flirting, too. She bats her eyelashes and runs her hand up AJ’s bare arm and Ken and Aaron are probably wondering if she’s been in another motorcycle crash. She caps it off by saying, “Come buy me a hot dog. I’m absolutely starving.” I think this is the one part that stuck in my mind from when I was little, because I remember indignantly thinking that it was appallingly rude of Liz to demand that this random kid spend money on her.
The other girls watch Liz walk off to the hotdog stand with AJ, and Lila happily says, “She did it!” Jess is angry, though. Cara thinks they’re cute together, and says that Jeffrey deserves a taste of his own medicine. Lila says that it looks like AJ likes Liz, and Jess is miserable.
Jeffrey and Olivia show up two hours late. The girls wonder where they could’ve been all this time, and Jeffrey tries to say that they lost track of time because they didn’t bring a watch to the photo essay canyon. Liz sees them, and is very much like, “Don’t bother explaining. I don’t care where you were or what you do. AJ’s taking me windsurfing. Bye.” She’s extremely passive aggressive about it and walks away without another word.
Jeffrey is upset and calls AJ a dumb jock, which sets Jessica off. Lila again is made of win:
“Jeffrey,” she said calmly, “you can’t really blame Liz, can you? How else is she supposed to behave? Especially after Cara told her that she saw you and Olivia in each other’s arms in some rest stop off Route Nine!”
Cara awesomely pipes up, “Yeah! I was at the dentist!” This book is amazing.
Olivia stops everyone cold, though, when she says that what Cara actually saw was that Olivia had something in her eye, so Jeffrey had her head tipped back to see if he could find it. What was he going to do then, Liv? Stick his finger in your eye and fish it out for you? EW! But so gross that it’s probably true. Lila says thoughtfully:
“I don’t think everyone should be so upset. It’s just a simple misunderstanding. It’s not the end of the world. Jeffrey, you’re just going to have to do something to make up with Liz. And the sooner you do it, the better.”
Jeffrey points out that it’s too late because she’s windsurfing with AJ - way to be a quitter, Jeff - and Lila sternly says:
“Don’t be crazy! Look, maybe you’re both too worked up to talk right now.” Lila thought it over. “This seems to me like one of those situations when a third party could really help a lot. Why don’t you let me talk to Liz? I can explain everything that happened, kind of soothe her a little bit, and then when she’s all ready to forgive you, you can do the rest.”
Jeffrey agrees, and Lila bets that, if Liz isn’t ready to make up in five minutes, Lila will treat him to dinner at the most expensive French restaurant in town. Predictably, Liz is not interested in talking about her relationship problems with Lila Fowler, so Lila comes back defeated. She suggests having the French dinner that night so they can talk about Jeffrey’s strategy for getting Liz back. Jeffrey says that he and Liz were supposed to go to the movies, and Lila tells Liz actually has a date with AJ now. Jess and Jeffrey are both crushed to hear it.
While Jeffrey is out with Lila trying to figure out how he can get back with Liz, and Liz is out with AJ trying to forget about Jeffrey, Jess is hanging out at home watching a movie. Liv stops by and needles Jess a bit, saying, “Why aren’t you on a date? I didn’t think Jessica Wakefield ever spent a Saturday night at home.” Very smart, to tease the person you’re hoping will help you. Jess isn’t in the mood, obviously, so Liv gets to the point. She’s not trying to steal Jeffrey. She’s not remotely interested in Jeffrey as anything other than a friend. She treasures Elizabeth’s friendship and is devastated that Liz thinks Olivia was trying to steal her boyfriend. And then Liv tells Jess the brainwave she had: whoever started pairing Liv with Jeffrey and Liz with AJ in the slam books is the person behind all this trouble. The girls can’t think of anyone who’d want to break Liz and Jeffrey up, but if they figure out who started the rumor to begin with, the motive might become apparent. Liv wants to discover who it is so she can restore Liz’s trust in her, and Jess, in true Jessica Wakefield fashion, agrees to help so she can get revenge on whoever it is who threw Liz together with AJ.
Jeffrey calls a bunch of times on Sunday, but Liz won’t talk to him. Jess thinks she’s being mean and tells her the two of them should at least talk things over, which is mature advice, but Liz doesn’t take it.
On Monday, Liz wakes up feeling bad for dodging his calls, and ready to talk their problems out. She’s ready to make up with Jeffrey, so she puts on a sweater that he really likes and gets to school early so they can talk. He doesn’t show up until right before the first bell, though. She nicely tells him that they need to talk, and asks if they can have lunch alone today. Jeffrey says, “You’re not going to believe it, but I told Olivia I’d spend my lunch hour printing up the photographs I took for the photo essay and help her with the layouts. She’s really swamped, Liz. She needs help.” Liz says, “What about me? Don’t you care what I need?” and Jeffrey suggests talking after school. Liz gets angry at this, because he means after Olivia. Her feelings are hurt - mine would be too - and she storms off. I bet Olivia wouldn’t mind if Jeffrey did the work after school, and would be pretty upset if she knew that Jeffrey had just blown off making up with Liz to do work on the literary magazine. It does seem to me like Jeffrey is not acting like his relationship with Liz is his top priority. Actually he’s acting like he has a tiny crush on Olivia. But maybe that’s just me.
Liz tries to talk to AJ at lunch, but he runs away. He tells Aaron that Liz is awfully aggressive compared to the girls back home in Atlanta, and he likes girls who are quiet and sweet, like southern girls and Jessica Wakefield. Aaron tries to correct his mistaken impression of Jessica, but AJ doesn’t listen.
Liv and Jess are in one of the student lounges, and Lila walks in with her arm through Jeffrey’s, purring consolingly to him. When she sees Jess and Liv, though, Lila suggests they go to the cafeteria. And she also calls Jeffrey Jeff, which no one ever does, and sets off an alarm in Jessica’s brain. The girls realize that Lila lost the fancy French bet on purpose so she could have a romantic dinner with Jeffrey, and they remember that Lila had a crush on Jeffrey when he first moved to the school from Oregon and never quite forgave Liz for getting him. She gracefully moved herself right into the middle of their breakup, and is now taking up all of Jeffrey’s time.
Lila is a criminal mastermind.
Jess and Liv plan for Jess to dress like Liz tomorrow at school and collect as many slam books as possible, telling people it’s for an Eyes and Ears column. The girls figure that the person who started the rumor wouldn’t have written it in her own book. If it’s not in Lila’s, she’s the guilty party.
The next day, AJ pulls Jess aside and tells her he likes her and wants to get to know her better. He likes girls who are shy and wait for boys to make the first move. He doesn’t think that girls should chase guys. Jess quietly agrees that she hates that too. He tells her that she’s like the girls in the south: sweet, gentle, a good listener, not aggressive, and trustworthy.” Jess doesn’t wonder how he would know all that if they’ve barely spoken, but she’s flattered and thrilled.
Liv and Jess find that, sure enough, Lila’s slam book is the only one that doesn’t have the Jeffrey-Liv and AJ-Liz pairings. She started it all to break Jeffrey and Liz up so she could have Jeffrey for herself. Speak of the devil, Lila pokes her head into the student lounge and, hilariously, asks Jess, “Why are you dressed like Elizabeth? If you’re tired of your own clothes, you should borrow mine. That outfit is really too preppy for you.” Then she tells the girls that she’s about to go tell Jeffrey that she doesn’t see any hope for reconciliation with Liz. In her opinion, they have a real communication problem and she doesn’t see any point in Jeffrey trying to make up with Liz anymore. Jess rolls her eyes and says, “I’m sure that’s good advice, Li.” And then she and Liv run off to find Liz.
Liz is in the Oracle office, as usual. Jess and Liv tell her the whole story, and Liz feels like a huge jerk. She apologizes to Olivia, and Olivia graciously accepts her apology and very sweetly tells Liz how much she and Jeffrey mean to her as friends. Liz goes looking for Jeffrey so she can apologize to him, and he’s in a Chemistry review. She writes a cute little slam book page - Most Sorry, Elizabeth Wakefield, Most in Love with her Boyfriend, Elizabeth Wakefield, Most Likely to be Waiting for You When You Get Out of the Lab, Elizabeth Wakefield, etc - and gives it to his teacher like it’s a note from the office. Jeffrey comes out, they make up, and he kisses her on top of the head. You see what I mean? If it had been Todd, they’d have been sucking each other’s faces off.
Then, Liz and Liv tell all the other girls to add Class Sneak - Lila Fowler to their slam books. Everyone does, without even bothering to ask why, and when Lila sees she knows that they know what she did. But she doesn’t even react; she just coolly says, “I think I’m going to sit over there with Maria,” hands the slam book back, and swans off. I love Lila Fowler.
Meanwhile, Jess is feeding AJ a line of crap about who she is and what she likes to do. She told him, for example, that she likes to write children’s stories. Everyone does a good job of not cracking up when AJ announces this fact to the whole room. They all just nod earnestly, shooting each other weird looks that AJ doesn’t notice, and Liv cluelessly encourages Jess to submit something to the literary magazine. Hee. AJ tells Liz that he needs someone more subdued, like Jessica, and Liz just nods. She’s going to let him find out for herself what Jess is really like.
At home, Jess needs some advice from Liz. AJ likes poetry, for example, so Jess told him she did too. Liz asked why Jess did that, and Jess says, “Why? Because he does, that’s why! I may not know anything about literature, but I know about this kind of thing.” So, Jess wants Liz to tell her what to read, and she’ll read it. Liz tells Jess that it’s great that she’s interested in new things, like literature, but tactfully asks if maybe it would be better if she were herself around AJ. Jess insists that she is herself, she just happens to have a bunch of new interests, is all, and needs to know what she should read.
Liz gives her a poetry anthology and tells her to skip around, read a bunch of different stuff, and see what she likes. See? Again, good advice given in a Sweet Valley High novel! Jess is horrified, though:
“Liz, this thing is enormous! I cant’ read all the way through it. Tell me who’s good and I’ll just read their poems,” she begged. She started to flip through the pages. “What about Emily Dickinson? Is she good? Or John Keats?”
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Liz knows a hopeless cause when she sees one, and gently asks Jess why she’s been missing cheer practice so much. It’s because Jess figures AJ doesn’t like cheerleaders as much as he likes “girls who are…you know, smart, hardworking.”
Liz thinks, Then how in the world is he ever going to like you, Jess?
HA! BURN!
Liz stays quiet, but thinks Jess is probably heading for disaster in the next book, Playing for Keeps.
kiwiria.
Sweet Valley High #48: Slam Book Fever
This book was a bunch of frothy fun! The angst was realistic, people didn’t behave too stupidly, they resolved their problems in a (mostly) mature way, and there was lots and lots of Jessica’s best friend and biggest rival: wealthy mean girl Lila Fowler. Love her. I make no apologies for the fact that Lila is my favorite character in this entire series, and she is awesome in this book.
In a nutshell: Everyone at SVH goes mad for slam books, where kids vote for each other in categories like Class Clown and Best Looking. Lila tries to break Jeffrey French and Liz up by writing Jeffrey and artsy Olivia Davidson down in the Couples of the Future category, and matching Liz with the new boy in school, southern redhead AJ Morgan. This infuriates Jessica, who has a crush on AJ herself, and so Jess and Olivia team up to stop Lila by reconciling Liz and Jeffrey. And, through it all, Lila is devastatingly scheming and tricky, while never getting a single hair out of place. Love. Her.
The B plot was Jessica’s crush on AJ, and also Olivia’s breakup with rags-to-riches track star Roger Barret Patman, kind of, but these were so entwined with the A plot about slam books that it would be confusing to tell them separately.
“Biggest Flirt. Wow,” AJ said. “Ten votes for Jessica Wakefield.”
The book starts at lunchtime at the SVH cafeteria. All the most popular girls in the class - Jessica, Elizabeth, Steven’s girlfriend Cara Walker, cheerleader Maria Santelli, boy crazy Amy Sutton, and awesome Lila Fowler - are sitting together. I guess Enid wasn’t invited. Amy wants to start something they used to do at her old high school in Connecticut called slam books. To make a slam book, you buy a composition book with a speckled cover, you know the ones they mean, and divide it in half for a girls’ part and a boys’ part. Then you write your name on the inside cover and invent categories for each page, like Best Looking, Best Kisser, Biggest Airhead, etc. Exchange your book with someone else, fill in all the categories in the book you have, and keep on trading. At the end of the day, return the slam book you have to the person whose name is on the inside cover. Ta da! My seventh grade totally did this, too.
The girls all love the idea (Jess immediately starts dreaming of being named Most Popular. She is cheerleading co-captain and president of exclusive sorority Pi Beta Alpha, after all). Liz is a spoilsport, of course: she kills the mood by saying it sounds potentially mean. It doesn’t stop her from going to the stationary store after school with the rest of the girls, though. Typical Liz.
Later on, the twins are in the school hallway and see a new kid opening his locker. He’s tall with red hair, and Jess blushes and runs away instead of going up to introduce herself. Liz goes into the Oracle office, where her boyfriend Jeffrey French (Todd is still in Vermont, I guess) is talking to bohemian Olivia Davidson, arts editor for the paper. Olivia is starting up a literary magazine, and trying to find a co-editor. Liz has already turned her down (she just doesn’t have enough time between schoolwork, her Eyes and Ears gossip column, and her other writing), and now Olivia is trying to get Jeffrey to help. He’s turned her down too, but Olivia is persistent. She’s been working really hard, but says it’s good because she needs some distractions. Jeffrey goes to the darkroom (so I guess he’s a photographer for the newspaper, but honestly, his character is so boring that the only thing I remembered about him was his first name. At least Todd had the distinction of being a rather dim basketball player falsely accused of attempted rape who lashes out with violence anytime he thinks someone might potentially be possibly maybe getting in the way of Elizabeth’s safety or just kind of annoying him) and Liz takes advantage of her moment alone with Olivia to pry into Olivia’s business. Butt out, Liz. But we all know Elizabeth Wakefield, don’t we? She never met a situation that didn’t make her want to meddle.
Olivia confesses that she and her boyfriend, Roger Barret Patman, are fighting a lot lately. Then we get a summary of Roger’s backstory, for people who’d forgotten. Sixteen year old Roger Barret was raised by Mama Barret, a poor single mother who worked in the Patman canning factory. When she got heart disease, Bruce Patman’s father paid the medical bills out of his own pocket. (He must offer his factory employees really crappy insurance.) All the Patman money couldn’t save doomed Mama Barret, though, and she died earlier in the school year. That’s when Mr. and Mrs. Patman announced that they were adopting Roger, because it turns out that he was the illegitimate son of Mr. Patman’s dead brother who was sleeping with the canning factory’s female employees, and nobody ever knew of Roger’s parentage but Roger’s mom and Bruce’s parents. So his name became Roger Barret Patman, he’s Bruce’s first cousin/adopted younger brother, he lives in their mansion, and he’s the other richest boy in Sweet Valley. I don’t think they bought him a 1ROGER1 Porsche, though. Anyway, Jeffrey drives Liz home and Liz doesn’t even wait five minutes before she betrays Olivia’s confidence and tells Jeffrey all about their relationship problems. Nice.
Slam books have caught on like wildfire. All the girls think the new redheaded kid is hot. Lila talked to him, and shares that his name is AJ Morgan, short for Adam Joseph, and he’s an army kid from Atlanta and kind of shy. Jess is mad that Lila talked to AJ long enough to find out all that, and then even more angry that she’s winning Biggest Flirt, hands down, in all the slam books. After school, soccer star Aaron Dallas introduces Jess to AJ, but Jess is completely out of character. She’s tongue tied and can’t think of a thing to say, so she winds up standing there silently, blushing, until it’s time for her to head to cheer practice. What’s her deal? Even though AJ gamely tries to make conversation, she just kind of stammers and looks at the floor. We learn that he’s trying out for the basketball team.
After practice, Jess asks Liz, “Do you think I’m a flirt?” Liz is like, “Duh,” and Jess tells her how upset she is about the slam books all saying so. She’s afraid AJ might see them and get a bad impression of her. Jess cries.
Next, we get a little bit of proof that one of the ghostwriters half paid attention to her eighth grade creative writing teacher when he told the class, “Show, don’t tell.” So we get a scene between Olivia and Roger, but it doesn’t quite accomplish what they seem to think it will, because the kids aren’t fighting. They’re talking about how they’ve been fighting. And then we get the exposition:
The past few months had been nothing but arguments. A familiar pattern had established itself: Roger would do something to hurt Olivia, she would strike back or start a fight, and they would come to this point, staring miserably at each other, not wanting to break up and not wanting to go on.
That’s not what “Show, don’t tell,” means, ghostwriters. It’s close, except the opposite of what you just did. C- for the effort.
The next day at school, Amy has a new idea for the slam books. She wants to make a Crystal Ball section with predictions for the future, like Least Likely to go on a Date before the Year 2000. People vote for Winston Egbert for Most Likely to be in People Magazine, and he stops by the lunch table to rib the girls for making him Class Clown instead of Most Handsome. Amy asks him if would get the boys into it, like Ken Matthews and Aaron Dallas, and Winston just says, “No.” Hee. That’s actually kind of funny. He asks them to put him down for Most Likely to be Cutest Guy in Ten Years, and that’s one he might have a fighting chance of winning, if you want my opinion. The class clowns always do. Lila checks out Jess’s slam book and reads one of Jess’s new categories out loud: New Couples of the Future. Her brow furrows a little. Winston keeps joking around, but Jess doesn’t laugh because AJ has just walked into the lunchroom.
And, although we don’t know it yet, that’s the point where Lila gets her idea. It’s subtly done. (Subtlety in a Sweet Valley High book? Perish the thought!)
After school, Jess is still mad about being called Biggest Flirt in so many of the slam books. Lila and Cara really are good friends to Jess in this scene: they try to diplomatically talk to Jessica about it, and are actually pretty sensitive and reassuring as they try to help her feel better, but she snaps that they and Amy are all bigger flirts than she is. They give up and offer to take her to Casey’s for ice cream to help her feel better. AJ is hanging out with Aaron Dallas in the parking lot, and they have to walk past him to get to Lila’s car. Jess is a spaz, and Cara and Lila think she acted that way on purpose to prove she wasn’t a flirt. She doesn’t correct them, but really it’s that she’s so tongue tied around AJ she couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Liz goes into the Oracle office all happy because she and Jeffrey have a date to go to Secca lake and make out, but Jeffrey forgot and promised Olivia he’d help her with the cover for the literary magazine. Liz is disappointed but understanding, and tells him they’ll reschedule for some other time. They schedule their makeout sessions ahead of time? And reschedule them if they fall through? Later on, Roger picks Olivia up from school, drives her home, and they break up and cry. He wants to stay friends, and they cry some more.
The next day at school, Jeffrey tells Liz that he wants to do a photo essay for the literary magazine of a girl who looks sad at the beginning, and then peaceful and kind of happy at the end. He tells Liz her face is too sunny for it, though, and he thinks Olivia could be good. She’s going to run a photo essay of herself in the first edition of her magazine? That seems kind of weird, but apparently she’s agreed to it. If I’d been Olivia, I’d have encouraged Jeffrey to find a different model. Liz thinks Olivia would be good too; she says Olivia is so pretty, but Jeffrey doesn’t agree. He thinks Liz is pretty, and Olivia is haunting. I’m not sure how flattering that is to either girl, relatively speaking.
Later on, people look through their slam books and see that all of them have Jeffrey French and Olivia Davidson listed in Couple of the Future. Liz rolls her eyes and wants to change the subject, but Jess keeps needling her all, “I’d be furious if it were me,” and, “She broke up with Roger Barret Patman yesterday, so now she’s lonely and on the rebound,” and, “Jeffrey’s been spending a lot of time with Olivia lately, hasn’t he, Liz?” Lila is the voice of reason, telling Jess, “You make it sound like she’s been scheming for months when she and Roger just broke up yesterday.”
I love Lila. Her scheme is already in motion, and she’s being so earnestly supportive of Liz all as part of her plot. But nobody suspects a thing.
Anyhow, finally Liz tells Jess to knock it off, because Olivia is Liz’s friend, and she won’t hear people trashing her behind her back and calling her a boyfriend stealer. Still, Liz is bothered.
After school, Liz and Enid are leaving to do their homework at Enid’s together. Some girls are hanging out on the front lawn and call them over. Enid doesn’t want to go, but Liz is all about taking her mind off of Jeffrey and Olivia showing up in people’s slam books, so she asks Enid if they can stay and hang out for a few minutes. The girls are reading slam book votes to each other. Liz and Enid both get nods for Most All-Around Nice, and Aaron Dallas gets Best Legs. Jessica wins Most Likely to have Six Kids! She’s not happy about it, though. And then there’s an awkward moment when the group realizes that they all have Olivia and Jeffrey as Couple of the Future. Enid rises to the occasion magnificently:
“Come on, you guys,” Enid said suddenly. “What do you want Liz to say? Whoever’s writing these entries is a real jerk and just trying to start trouble.”
Friday night, Jess primps for hours getting ready for the basketball game, and the other cheerleaders tease her. Then she messes up the cheers because she’s distracted by AJ’s hotness. The other girls on her team figure out her crush and good-naturedly tweak her about it, and all she can do is blush. She is definitely not acting like herself. Up in the bleachers, Jeffrey and Liz watch the game. Liz tells him about how he’s showing up in slam books with Olivia, and Jeffrey thinks the whole thing is pretty stupid. He points out that he invited Olivia to join them at the game, but she didn’t show. He’s like, “Would I have invited her to hang out with both of us if I had a crush on her?” He wants to go to the Dairi Burger after the game with the rest of the kids - maybe Olivia will show - and Liz is kind of disappointed. He’s been working so hard on the magazine lately that they haven’t had much time together, so:
She had hoped they might take off alone later, instead of joining the crowd, maybe drive somewhere romantic and have a nice long talk.
Ha! Liz is such a dork! Sure, drive up to Miller’s Point to have a romantic chit chat with your boyfriend, Liz. She must have forgotten to schedule a makeout session five business days in advance. Come to think of it, do she and Jeffrey ever make out? Liz and Todd made out at least four times per book. I don’t think they had to pencil it into their calendars first either.
Well, Olivia isn’t at the Dairi Burger, but everyone else is. They all pile into a booth and have a good time playing with their slam books. To Jessica’s mortification, AJ opens one and reads her overwhelming victory as Biggest Flirt. But then she feels better when he says, “That sure doesn’t seem right to me.” She knows right then and there that she is completely, totally in love. She feels like a new person, and all she wants to think about is AJ. Aaron and Ken flip to Couples of the Future and are all, “Oooooh, Olivia and Jeffrey! Watch out, Liz!” Everyone laughs but Liz. Then they say, “And look who’s right underneath! Elizabeth Wakefield and AJ Morgan!” This time, Jeffrey and Jessica are the only ones who don’t think it’s funny.
The next morning, Liz tries to talk to her mom about whether or not it’s normal to feel jealous, even though you love someone. Her mom assures her that it’s a normal feeling to have sometimes, in moderation, but advises her that the best thing to do is not give in to the jealousy, and have some trust in her relationship. For once, Alice isn’t being a completely useless parent! Say hey for Mrs. Wakefield! It’s actually a really nice scene, and good advice too.
Jessica is furious with Elizabeth for showing up in people’s slam books linked with AJ, not that it’s Liz’s fault or anything. But Jessica’s logic is not our earth logic. She accuses Liz of flirting with AJ at the Dairi Burger and using him to get back at Jeffrey for spending so much time with Olivia. She thinks it was mean to do to Jeffrey, and she doesn’t like it, and she almost calls Elizabeth a slut, but stops herself. Instead, she cries, “I just don’t like seeing my very own twin acting like a-like-”
Liz is blindsided and mystified; she’s like, “All I did was smile at him! He was sitting across the table from me; I couldn’t not smile at him if he smiled at me first!” Jess won’t hear it. Liz asks if she’s interested in AJ and Jess vehemently denies it and cries some more. Liz maturely says, “Jessica, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry if I upset you somehow. But I certainly wasn’t flirting with AJ.” Good apology Liz! You acknowledged her feelings without letting her walk all over you! Look how far Liz has come in forty eight books, people!
Liz has plans to go to the beach with Jeffrey, but she gets a call from him on a payphone saying that he and Olivia are going out to a canyon to do the photo essay because the light is perfect. He calls Olivia Liv, which seems overly familiar to Elizabeth and kind of weirds her out. He says he’ll be back by two, so they can still go to the beach, and Liz agrees.
I’m going to call her Liv in this recap now too, because I’m really tired of typing out Olivia.
By 2:15, Liz is pissed off. Jeffrey still isn’t back, and he hasn’t called. The doorbell rings, and it’s Cara Walker, member of the cheer team, Steven Wakefield’s girlfriend, and one of Jess’s best friends. Cara always seemed like a pretty nice girl to me in this series, actually. A little gossipy, but with a good heart. She demonstrates it here: she’s visibly uncomfortable and upset. Liz asks if she can catch a ride to the beach with her and Jess, since Jeffrey isn’t there yet, and Cara plays nervously with her bracelet and looks miserable.
Cara: Liz, can I ask you something? And you have to promise to be totally honest. If you’d seen something…like, say you’d seen Steven with another girl, and you knew I didn’t know about it. Would you tell me?
Liz: It depends. I might not want to interfere. [Oh, come on. When has Liz not wanted to interfere?] Especially since we’re talking about my brother. But-well, I don’t know. Why? You aren’t trying to tell me something, are you?
Cara: It’s just that it makes me so angry! You’re one of the sweetest people I know, Liz. And I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting you.
Liz tells her to just come out and say what she wants to say, and Cara said that she had a dentist appointment that morning. On her way home, she pulled into a rest stop and saw Jeffrey’s car. She started walking over to say hi, and saw that Jeffrey and Liv were in the car together, and he had his arms around her.
What Cara doesn’t realize is that it must have been nothing, since Jeffrey didn’t have MAKE OUT WITH OLIVIA on his calendar for that day. Liz’s first instinct is to think there must be a logical explanation, and I think that’s sensible of her, since they are friends, and she did just break up with her boyfriend. Maybe she was sad and he was just giving her a hug. Cara never said they were kissing (it wasn’t on the schedule, after all). It’s not something that would make me suspicious, personally. But then Liz thinks about the rest: his spending so much more time with Liv than with Liz lately, his breaking dates to work on the magazine, asking Liv to model for his photo essay, Liv breaking up with her boyfriend, the two of them showing up in slam books, and, okay, actually I have to acknowledge that all those things put together would be enough to prompt me to bring the situation up to my boyfriend as a potential problem. The more Liz thinks about it, the angrier she gets. She tells Cara she’s coming with them to the beach, because she really doesn’t want to be alone. Cara hugs Liz, and Liz cries. Then she makes up her mind to not sit at home and mope.
When they get to the beach, they spot Lila right away because she’s laying on a massive terry towel that says THE RITZ and wearing a gold bathing suit. When asked about her bikini, she replies:
“Daddy got it for me. From Milan. Italy’s the best,” she added complacently, digging around in her beach bag for some suntan oil. “You guys should try to get some stuff airmailed over for you. Sweet Valley just doesn’t have any real selection.”
LOVE. HER. What a fantastic bitch.
She asks after Jeffrey in a friendly way. Jess is a good sister for once and tries to change the subject immediately, figuring Liz doesn’t want to talk about it, but Elizabeth tells Lila they’ve had a parting of the ways. Lila is shocked, and assures Liz that it must just be a misunderstanding, because she and Jeffrey are perfect for each other. Liz starts to cry, and tells Lila that she’d always thought so too, but now it seems like Jeffrey and Liv have kind of fallen for each other. Lila can’t believe it! She correctly points out that just because it was in the stupid slam books doesn’t mean it’s true. And then Lila, all as part of her plan as architect of Liz’s current misery, gives Liz the best advice of anyone in the entire book, because she knows full well that Liz is too proud to ever actually take it:
Lila frowned. “Wait a minute. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You think Jeffrey’s in love with Olivia Davidson. Right?”
“Right.” Elizabeth swallowed hard.
“What does Jeffrey say about it? Have you two talked about this?”
“I-” Elizabeth stared at her. “No, of course not! I can hardly sit down and say, ‘Okay, Jeffrey, tell me why Cara happened to see you with your arms around Olivia today.’ ” [Though I don’t see why she couldn’t say that. I would.]
Lila’s eyes bulged. “You saw them?” she demanded, turning to Cara.
Cara nodded.
“Wow.” Lila was quiet for a minute. “Liz, that’s bad, I admit it. But it’s still no reason to panic. You’ve absolutely got to talk it over with him. Tell him that you trust him and love him and all that, but you need to ask him a few teeny little questions about what’s been going on between Olivia and him. Don’t let him know you’re jealous. It never works if you do.”
Liz insists that there’s no point in trying to talk things out; she and Jeffrey are through and he’s in love with Olivia now. Lila offers to talk to Jeffrey for Liz, kind of as a go-between to see how he’s really feeling, and Liz says she doesn’t care. Brilliantly done, Lila. Standing ovation!
The girls spot AJ playing beach volleyball with Ken and Aaron, and Liz figures she might as well go flirt with him, since they were paired up in the slam books and all. She thinks he’s pretty nice, and figures it might take her mind off of how upset she is over Jeffrey. Jess shrieks, “You can’t do that!” and Liz hilariously misunderstands and acknowledges, “I know. I’ll probably botch it up.” HEE! She trots off to the say hi to the boys.
She really is awful at flirting, too. She bats her eyelashes and runs her hand up AJ’s bare arm and Ken and Aaron are probably wondering if she’s been in another motorcycle crash. She caps it off by saying, “Come buy me a hot dog. I’m absolutely starving.” I think this is the one part that stuck in my mind from when I was little, because I remember indignantly thinking that it was appallingly rude of Liz to demand that this random kid spend money on her.
The other girls watch Liz walk off to the hotdog stand with AJ, and Lila happily says, “She did it!” Jess is angry, though. Cara thinks they’re cute together, and says that Jeffrey deserves a taste of his own medicine. Lila says that it looks like AJ likes Liz, and Jess is miserable.
Jeffrey and Olivia show up two hours late. The girls wonder where they could’ve been all this time, and Jeffrey tries to say that they lost track of time because they didn’t bring a watch to the photo essay canyon. Liz sees them, and is very much like, “Don’t bother explaining. I don’t care where you were or what you do. AJ’s taking me windsurfing. Bye.” She’s extremely passive aggressive about it and walks away without another word.
Jeffrey is upset and calls AJ a dumb jock, which sets Jessica off. Lila again is made of win:
“Jeffrey,” she said calmly, “you can’t really blame Liz, can you? How else is she supposed to behave? Especially after Cara told her that she saw you and Olivia in each other’s arms in some rest stop off Route Nine!”
Cara awesomely pipes up, “Yeah! I was at the dentist!” This book is amazing.
Olivia stops everyone cold, though, when she says that what Cara actually saw was that Olivia had something in her eye, so Jeffrey had her head tipped back to see if he could find it. What was he going to do then, Liv? Stick his finger in your eye and fish it out for you? EW! But so gross that it’s probably true. Lila says thoughtfully:
“I don’t think everyone should be so upset. It’s just a simple misunderstanding. It’s not the end of the world. Jeffrey, you’re just going to have to do something to make up with Liz. And the sooner you do it, the better.”
Jeffrey points out that it’s too late because she’s windsurfing with AJ - way to be a quitter, Jeff - and Lila sternly says:
“Don’t be crazy! Look, maybe you’re both too worked up to talk right now.” Lila thought it over. “This seems to me like one of those situations when a third party could really help a lot. Why don’t you let me talk to Liz? I can explain everything that happened, kind of soothe her a little bit, and then when she’s all ready to forgive you, you can do the rest.”
Jeffrey agrees, and Lila bets that, if Liz isn’t ready to make up in five minutes, Lila will treat him to dinner at the most expensive French restaurant in town. Predictably, Liz is not interested in talking about her relationship problems with Lila Fowler, so Lila comes back defeated. She suggests having the French dinner that night so they can talk about Jeffrey’s strategy for getting Liz back. Jeffrey says that he and Liz were supposed to go to the movies, and Lila tells Liz actually has a date with AJ now. Jess and Jeffrey are both crushed to hear it.
While Jeffrey is out with Lila trying to figure out how he can get back with Liz, and Liz is out with AJ trying to forget about Jeffrey, Jess is hanging out at home watching a movie. Liv stops by and needles Jess a bit, saying, “Why aren’t you on a date? I didn’t think Jessica Wakefield ever spent a Saturday night at home.” Very smart, to tease the person you’re hoping will help you. Jess isn’t in the mood, obviously, so Liv gets to the point. She’s not trying to steal Jeffrey. She’s not remotely interested in Jeffrey as anything other than a friend. She treasures Elizabeth’s friendship and is devastated that Liz thinks Olivia was trying to steal her boyfriend. And then Liv tells Jess the brainwave she had: whoever started pairing Liv with Jeffrey and Liz with AJ in the slam books is the person behind all this trouble. The girls can’t think of anyone who’d want to break Liz and Jeffrey up, but if they figure out who started the rumor to begin with, the motive might become apparent. Liv wants to discover who it is so she can restore Liz’s trust in her, and Jess, in true Jessica Wakefield fashion, agrees to help so she can get revenge on whoever it is who threw Liz together with AJ.
Jeffrey calls a bunch of times on Sunday, but Liz won’t talk to him. Jess thinks she’s being mean and tells her the two of them should at least talk things over, which is mature advice, but Liz doesn’t take it.
On Monday, Liz wakes up feeling bad for dodging his calls, and ready to talk their problems out. She’s ready to make up with Jeffrey, so she puts on a sweater that he really likes and gets to school early so they can talk. He doesn’t show up until right before the first bell, though. She nicely tells him that they need to talk, and asks if they can have lunch alone today. Jeffrey says, “You’re not going to believe it, but I told Olivia I’d spend my lunch hour printing up the photographs I took for the photo essay and help her with the layouts. She’s really swamped, Liz. She needs help.” Liz says, “What about me? Don’t you care what I need?” and Jeffrey suggests talking after school. Liz gets angry at this, because he means after Olivia. Her feelings are hurt - mine would be too - and she storms off. I bet Olivia wouldn’t mind if Jeffrey did the work after school, and would be pretty upset if she knew that Jeffrey had just blown off making up with Liz to do work on the literary magazine. It does seem to me like Jeffrey is not acting like his relationship with Liz is his top priority. Actually he’s acting like he has a tiny crush on Olivia. But maybe that’s just me.
Liz tries to talk to AJ at lunch, but he runs away. He tells Aaron that Liz is awfully aggressive compared to the girls back home in Atlanta, and he likes girls who are quiet and sweet, like southern girls and Jessica Wakefield. Aaron tries to correct his mistaken impression of Jessica, but AJ doesn’t listen.
Liv and Jess are in one of the student lounges, and Lila walks in with her arm through Jeffrey’s, purring consolingly to him. When she sees Jess and Liv, though, Lila suggests they go to the cafeteria. And she also calls Jeffrey Jeff, which no one ever does, and sets off an alarm in Jessica’s brain. The girls realize that Lila lost the fancy French bet on purpose so she could have a romantic dinner with Jeffrey, and they remember that Lila had a crush on Jeffrey when he first moved to the school from Oregon and never quite forgave Liz for getting him. She gracefully moved herself right into the middle of their breakup, and is now taking up all of Jeffrey’s time.
Lila is a criminal mastermind.
Jess and Liv plan for Jess to dress like Liz tomorrow at school and collect as many slam books as possible, telling people it’s for an Eyes and Ears column. The girls figure that the person who started the rumor wouldn’t have written it in her own book. If it’s not in Lila’s, she’s the guilty party.
The next day, AJ pulls Jess aside and tells her he likes her and wants to get to know her better. He likes girls who are shy and wait for boys to make the first move. He doesn’t think that girls should chase guys. Jess quietly agrees that she hates that too. He tells her that she’s like the girls in the south: sweet, gentle, a good listener, not aggressive, and trustworthy.” Jess doesn’t wonder how he would know all that if they’ve barely spoken, but she’s flattered and thrilled.
Liv and Jess find that, sure enough, Lila’s slam book is the only one that doesn’t have the Jeffrey-Liv and AJ-Liz pairings. She started it all to break Jeffrey and Liz up so she could have Jeffrey for herself. Speak of the devil, Lila pokes her head into the student lounge and, hilariously, asks Jess, “Why are you dressed like Elizabeth? If you’re tired of your own clothes, you should borrow mine. That outfit is really too preppy for you.” Then she tells the girls that she’s about to go tell Jeffrey that she doesn’t see any hope for reconciliation with Liz. In her opinion, they have a real communication problem and she doesn’t see any point in Jeffrey trying to make up with Liz anymore. Jess rolls her eyes and says, “I’m sure that’s good advice, Li.” And then she and Liv run off to find Liz.
Liz is in the Oracle office, as usual. Jess and Liv tell her the whole story, and Liz feels like a huge jerk. She apologizes to Olivia, and Olivia graciously accepts her apology and very sweetly tells Liz how much she and Jeffrey mean to her as friends. Liz goes looking for Jeffrey so she can apologize to him, and he’s in a Chemistry review. She writes a cute little slam book page - Most Sorry, Elizabeth Wakefield, Most in Love with her Boyfriend, Elizabeth Wakefield, Most Likely to be Waiting for You When You Get Out of the Lab, Elizabeth Wakefield, etc - and gives it to his teacher like it’s a note from the office. Jeffrey comes out, they make up, and he kisses her on top of the head. You see what I mean? If it had been Todd, they’d have been sucking each other’s faces off.
Then, Liz and Liv tell all the other girls to add Class Sneak - Lila Fowler to their slam books. Everyone does, without even bothering to ask why, and when Lila sees she knows that they know what she did. But she doesn’t even react; she just coolly says, “I think I’m going to sit over there with Maria,” hands the slam book back, and swans off. I love Lila Fowler.
Meanwhile, Jess is feeding AJ a line of crap about who she is and what she likes to do. She told him, for example, that she likes to write children’s stories. Everyone does a good job of not cracking up when AJ announces this fact to the whole room. They all just nod earnestly, shooting each other weird looks that AJ doesn’t notice, and Liv cluelessly encourages Jess to submit something to the literary magazine. Hee. AJ tells Liz that he needs someone more subdued, like Jessica, and Liz just nods. She’s going to let him find out for herself what Jess is really like.
At home, Jess needs some advice from Liz. AJ likes poetry, for example, so Jess told him she did too. Liz asked why Jess did that, and Jess says, “Why? Because he does, that’s why! I may not know anything about literature, but I know about this kind of thing.” So, Jess wants Liz to tell her what to read, and she’ll read it. Liz tells Jess that it’s great that she’s interested in new things, like literature, but tactfully asks if maybe it would be better if she were herself around AJ. Jess insists that she is herself, she just happens to have a bunch of new interests, is all, and needs to know what she should read.
Liz gives her a poetry anthology and tells her to skip around, read a bunch of different stuff, and see what she likes. See? Again, good advice given in a Sweet Valley High novel! Jess is horrified, though:
“Liz, this thing is enormous! I cant’ read all the way through it. Tell me who’s good and I’ll just read their poems,” she begged. She started to flip through the pages. “What about Emily Dickinson? Is she good? Or John Keats?”
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Liz knows a hopeless cause when she sees one, and gently asks Jess why she’s been missing cheer practice so much. It’s because Jess figures AJ doesn’t like cheerleaders as much as he likes “girls who are…you know, smart, hardworking.”
Liz thinks, Then how in the world is he ever going to like you, Jess?
HA! BURN!
Liz stays quiet, but thinks Jess is probably heading for disaster in the next book, Playing for Keeps.