SVT #49 The Twins' Little Sister
You know how I’ve been going on about the misleading titles in SVT? Guess which part is misleading in this one.
Jessica has a crush on a new guy - and it’s not Aaron Dallas! No, it’s Belinda’s baby brother. I would feel bad for making that joke, but it’s right there in the text, so I’m merely filled with contempt for the ghost writer. Belinda’s baby brother Billy (didn’t she have a phase of calling herself Billy? Not to confuse her with Steven’s girl roommate Billie) has been born. Jessica thinks he’s wonderful, and wants a younger sibling to parade around with. Well, at least she hasn’t reached the stage where she decides to solve this by having a baby herself. Belinda reminds her that babies are much more than looking cute. Apparently Belinda’s parents waited until Belinda was old enough to help out with a baby before having one. What? That’s sort of awful. And let’s face it, most people who have thirteen year gaps between children tend to have them with different partners, or were just a bit surprised. Perhaps that’s a cover story.
Jessica decides she has to convince her parents to have another baby. Ugh. But she’s not just going to tell them - that would be “immature”. No - she’s going to show them. Hopefully this won’t involve a baby going missing from Sweet Valley Hospital.
Jessica gets home to find Steven and his “friend” Chad in the kitchen. A much better match for Steven than Jill Hale, that’s for sure. Chad flirts with Jessica and Steven is mighty unhappy about it. Jessica makes Chad a sandwich, pours him a glass of milk and gets him a bag of chips. It is unclear whether he did it because he likes her, or because he wanted someone to make him a sandwich. They’re all going to the same party, hosted by Janet Howell and her brother Joe.
Company for dinner - Mr and Mrs Steele, and their daughter Chrissy. Elizabeth and Jessica know her, and spent some time playing with her last year. She was adorable, apparently. Kids always are when you can give them back. Elizabeth decides to back Jessica’s getting a baby plan. No, Elizabeth! Why can’t you be a stick-in-the-mud? By the way, Chrissy has to have her plate between the twins, so they can help her with her meal. Firstly, she’s six. By the time I was six, I was perfectly capable of feeding myself, although maybe I needed some help cutting up big pieces of meat. Secondly, shouldn’t her parents be responsible for feeding their child?
The Steeles say they’d made reservations for a cruise, but they had to cancel because they forgot their housekeeper’s daughter was getting married and nobody would be around to look after their daughter. My heart bleeds for them. Isn’t this the beginning of Babel? That would make for a far more interesting story. The twins lost in a desert, and Gael Garcia Bernal. Best Twins book ever. The twins see their chance, and they take it. They offer to look after Chrissy. They beg their parents for this. God, this is weird. They even decline money for doing so. Bizarrely all the parents agree. THEY ARE ALL INSANE.
The Unicorns think Jessica is mad. Me too. They’re far more interested in if Chad is interested in Jessica. Me too! I’ll go change into a purple shirt. They ask her what she’ll do about Aaron. This is what she’ll do.
He’s pretty cute too, she thought, I’m going to have a hard time choosing between them. Suddenly a new thought struck her. Maybe I can have them both!
And lo, Jessica was born.
The twins prepare for Chrissy’s dumb arrival. Chad is round, fixing his bike because Steven has the tools he needs. I’m sure Steven has all the tools he needs. He flirts with Jessica - Jessica tells Ellen who says “Aaron would be pretty upset if he found out about you and Chad”. Don’t trust her Jessica! She’s working for the other side!
Chrissy comes over. She’s totally ADD. And not cute all the time! Shocking development. When she goes to bed, Elizabeth sings her Puff the Magic Dragon.
Jessica gets Chrissy up for kindergarten. She acts her age. Bruce Patman sees her crying on the street - his helpful advice to Jessica is to show the kid whose boss. Thanks, Bruce! After kindergarten, Chrissy wants to do boring stuff like watch Sesame Street. I beg to differ - Sesame Street is still great.
The twins realise there would be no room for a baby. This, in itself, is enough to convince them that having a younger sibling would be a bad idea. This plotline is so stupid.
The next day, Elizabeth takes Chrissy to kindergarten. They see Bruce again, who reiterates his shitty advice. Chrissy responds by kicking him in the shin. Ha ha ha! Elizabeth doesn’t try that hard to make her apologise. Later, Elizabeth tells Todd this who also approves. Here’s what it says about Elizabeth and Todd’s relationship: “Some of the kids at school thought Todd was her boyfriend because they had been at a bowling party together and because they sometimes ate lunch together.” I think you’ll find that was an INFORMAL bowling party. Ps - Todd will be going to the Howell party as well. He’s interested in Joe Howell’s model train set. Rocking.
Elizabeth takes Chrissy to the park - Todd shows up, and Chrissy asks if he’s Elizabeth’s boyfriend. Ah yes, younger siblings who ask “Is he your boyfriend?” The tone of voice just can’t be conveyed in text. Todd’s response: “Just because somebody thinks you’re nice doesn’t necessarily mean she’s your girlfriend.” He blushes and looks at his shoes. Todd and Elizabeth sitting in a tree!
Boosters practice. The basketball team are also practicing, including the mythical Jake Hamilton, later Enid’s gay cousin. Aaron flirts with Jessica - he’s going to the Howell party too. But there’s Chad on his bike! For some reason, he’s at the middle school looking for Steven. Ellen is well impressed that a high-schooler has spoken to Jessica. He even said that maybe they could dance together at the party! Jessica loses herself in the dream of two men fighting over her. She announces she’s going to give Chad up, because it is easier to go out with a middle-school boy. Ellen thinks this is totally romantic. Jessica: “I’d rather perish than hurt Aaron.” Ah, this is why they keep Ellen around - to listen to their theatrics.
Jessica sees Chad again later, but doesn’t quite tell him she’s given him up. She’ll wait until the party, because there’s nothing quite like ruining someone’s night and causing a scene at a large social event. Jessica consults Elizabeth about the ethics of dancing with another boy when you’re not sure if the first boy is your boyfriend. And we find out that Todd kissed Elizabeth at the informal bowling party! Jessica declares that now Todd has kissed Elizabeth, he’s her boyfriend no matter what he says. Personally, I wouldn’t take something said to a small child seriously, like when my friend told her niece there was a monster under the bed which would eat her if she didn’t go to sleep.
The next day, Chrissy tells Steven that Elizabeth has a boyfriend called Todd, who is a nice boyfriend and a good kisser, as per their previous conversation. Elizabeth is predictably mortified. But wait - if Chrissy overheard the Todd talk, she might have overheard the Chad talk! What if she tells Steven? Ok, that would be truly awful. That night at dinner, the twins monopolize all conversation to avoid Chrissy talking - Jessica stuffs a piece of bread in Chrissy’s mouth when she tries to speak, telling her not to speak with her mouth full. The parents blithely agree.
The twins get ready for the party. Jessica is wearing her favourite turquoise dress (is she always wearing that dress? Is that the one which actually belongs to Elizabeth? How many turquoise dresses does she own?), turquoise eye shadow, pale pink lip gloss, blush, rose-scented perfume and rose-pink nail polish. Jessica answers an urgent call from Lila, who is deliberating between white sandals or white patent-leather pumps. Go barefoot. Jessica goes back into her room to find Chrissy has destroyed all her planned make-up by getting it over her face, the bed and the turquoise dress. Jessica tells off Chrissy, who says she’ll be Steven’s sister instead. Oh, and she’s told Steven about Jessica and Chad. Jessica flips out.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth is having a shower with lilac-scented soap, and then dusts her shoulders with lilac powder. Because she is an aging Southern belle. She comes across the Jessica and Chrissy crisis and tells Jessica she has to go, or there will be no dénouement. Jessica tells Chrissy she wishes she’d just get lost. Also, Mrs Wakefield has to stay late at work. The dad will be taking everyone to the party and looking after Chrissy. But the van breaks down and the dad can’t get back from work! Jessica decides to stay home and look after Chrissy. Elizabeth gets Amy to babysit for seven dollars. Cheapskate. Chrissy is not happy with the new order of things.
The party. Jessica hovers, not wanting to speak to Chad. About nothing. She is in fact breaking off a non-existent relationship. Elizabeth listens in on Steven and Chad’s conversation. Steven is telling Chad about Jessica, but in a non-dickish way! He even asks Chad to dance with Jessica and let her down gently. Aw, Steven! Although Elizabeth is there to speak to Todd, she brushes him off so she can find Jessica. He’s going to see Joe’s model railway.
Chad asks Jessica to dance. The Unicorns gossip. Ellen seems ridiculously concerned about Aaron finding out. Ellen must read a lot of romance novels. Chad kisses Jessica on the cheek.
Walking away from Chad, Jessica feels utterly humiliated. But Ellen and Lila are blown away! Jessica danced with, and was kissed by, a high school boy! Jessica says they said their goodbyes, and that will be the end of it. Aaron, Rick, and latterly-gay Jake are all looking at yes, the model railway. All the middle school boys spend the whole night playing with it. It does sound super-huge. The girls decide to leave, disgusted by the lack of male attention. Elizabeth stays, because Todd wants to talk to her. K I S S I N G!
Jessica gets home to find Amy freaking out because Chrissy has hidden too well and she can’t find her. The parents come home and they can’t find her either.
Elizabeth and Todd talk. He mentions the day in the park with Chrissy - he says he wants to be Elizabeth’s boyfriend! Actually, he says “If somebody calls me your boyfriend, I don’t mind.” Way to play it cool. He also says that he likes Elizabeth more than anything. Elizabeth likes him back. Awesome! Then Todd calls his mum to pick them up.
Chrissy is still missing. Jessica finds her in the Howards’s house next door, by the aquarium. Chrissy has a thing about the fish - she’s gone there several times, but it was far too tedious to recap.
The twins get each other up to speed on their evenings. They have hot chocolate with their parents, and Steven comes back. It’s a nice moment. The parents say “hey, maybe we should have another kid!” They’re joking. Thank god.
B Plot
Amy is saving to buy her parents soccer tickets for their anniversary. She needs 34 dollars. She’s taking 224 aluminium cans to be recycled, but only gets $2.24 for them. Eight days before their anniversary. She decides to have a cookie sale. Elizabeth will help. Dullest subplot ever.
They make cookies. Things go wrong. I’m not even going to dignify this subplot with a recap. She earns $12 in all.
Amy mows some lawns. It goes wrong.
Amy cleans out garages. It is hard.
Amy babysits Chrissy. It is hard. They play hide and seek, and Amy says Chrissy can hide wherever she likes… Can you see where this is going?
Amy buys the tickets. Her parents liked them.
So there we go. A rather dull book, except for the pre-teen romance. The most embarrassing part is that I wrote a book review of this when I was ten. I drew a picture of Chrissy kicking Bruce Patman in the leg.
Jessica has a crush on a new guy - and it’s not Aaron Dallas! No, it’s Belinda’s baby brother. I would feel bad for making that joke, but it’s right there in the text, so I’m merely filled with contempt for the ghost writer. Belinda’s baby brother Billy (didn’t she have a phase of calling herself Billy? Not to confuse her with Steven’s girl roommate Billie) has been born. Jessica thinks he’s wonderful, and wants a younger sibling to parade around with. Well, at least she hasn’t reached the stage where she decides to solve this by having a baby herself. Belinda reminds her that babies are much more than looking cute. Apparently Belinda’s parents waited until Belinda was old enough to help out with a baby before having one. What? That’s sort of awful. And let’s face it, most people who have thirteen year gaps between children tend to have them with different partners, or were just a bit surprised. Perhaps that’s a cover story.
Jessica decides she has to convince her parents to have another baby. Ugh. But she’s not just going to tell them - that would be “immature”. No - she’s going to show them. Hopefully this won’t involve a baby going missing from Sweet Valley Hospital.
Jessica gets home to find Steven and his “friend” Chad in the kitchen. A much better match for Steven than Jill Hale, that’s for sure. Chad flirts with Jessica and Steven is mighty unhappy about it. Jessica makes Chad a sandwich, pours him a glass of milk and gets him a bag of chips. It is unclear whether he did it because he likes her, or because he wanted someone to make him a sandwich. They’re all going to the same party, hosted by Janet Howell and her brother Joe.
Company for dinner - Mr and Mrs Steele, and their daughter Chrissy. Elizabeth and Jessica know her, and spent some time playing with her last year. She was adorable, apparently. Kids always are when you can give them back. Elizabeth decides to back Jessica’s getting a baby plan. No, Elizabeth! Why can’t you be a stick-in-the-mud? By the way, Chrissy has to have her plate between the twins, so they can help her with her meal. Firstly, she’s six. By the time I was six, I was perfectly capable of feeding myself, although maybe I needed some help cutting up big pieces of meat. Secondly, shouldn’t her parents be responsible for feeding their child?
The Steeles say they’d made reservations for a cruise, but they had to cancel because they forgot their housekeeper’s daughter was getting married and nobody would be around to look after their daughter. My heart bleeds for them. Isn’t this the beginning of Babel? That would make for a far more interesting story. The twins lost in a desert, and Gael Garcia Bernal. Best Twins book ever. The twins see their chance, and they take it. They offer to look after Chrissy. They beg their parents for this. God, this is weird. They even decline money for doing so. Bizarrely all the parents agree. THEY ARE ALL INSANE.
The Unicorns think Jessica is mad. Me too. They’re far more interested in if Chad is interested in Jessica. Me too! I’ll go change into a purple shirt. They ask her what she’ll do about Aaron. This is what she’ll do.
He’s pretty cute too, she thought, I’m going to have a hard time choosing between them. Suddenly a new thought struck her. Maybe I can have them both!
And lo, Jessica was born.
The twins prepare for Chrissy’s dumb arrival. Chad is round, fixing his bike because Steven has the tools he needs. I’m sure Steven has all the tools he needs. He flirts with Jessica - Jessica tells Ellen who says “Aaron would be pretty upset if he found out about you and Chad”. Don’t trust her Jessica! She’s working for the other side!
Chrissy comes over. She’s totally ADD. And not cute all the time! Shocking development. When she goes to bed, Elizabeth sings her Puff the Magic Dragon.
Jessica gets Chrissy up for kindergarten. She acts her age. Bruce Patman sees her crying on the street - his helpful advice to Jessica is to show the kid whose boss. Thanks, Bruce! After kindergarten, Chrissy wants to do boring stuff like watch Sesame Street. I beg to differ - Sesame Street is still great.
The twins realise there would be no room for a baby. This, in itself, is enough to convince them that having a younger sibling would be a bad idea. This plotline is so stupid.
The next day, Elizabeth takes Chrissy to kindergarten. They see Bruce again, who reiterates his shitty advice. Chrissy responds by kicking him in the shin. Ha ha ha! Elizabeth doesn’t try that hard to make her apologise. Later, Elizabeth tells Todd this who also approves. Here’s what it says about Elizabeth and Todd’s relationship: “Some of the kids at school thought Todd was her boyfriend because they had been at a bowling party together and because they sometimes ate lunch together.” I think you’ll find that was an INFORMAL bowling party. Ps - Todd will be going to the Howell party as well. He’s interested in Joe Howell’s model train set. Rocking.
Elizabeth takes Chrissy to the park - Todd shows up, and Chrissy asks if he’s Elizabeth’s boyfriend. Ah yes, younger siblings who ask “Is he your boyfriend?” The tone of voice just can’t be conveyed in text. Todd’s response: “Just because somebody thinks you’re nice doesn’t necessarily mean she’s your girlfriend.” He blushes and looks at his shoes. Todd and Elizabeth sitting in a tree!
Boosters practice. The basketball team are also practicing, including the mythical Jake Hamilton, later Enid’s gay cousin. Aaron flirts with Jessica - he’s going to the Howell party too. But there’s Chad on his bike! For some reason, he’s at the middle school looking for Steven. Ellen is well impressed that a high-schooler has spoken to Jessica. He even said that maybe they could dance together at the party! Jessica loses herself in the dream of two men fighting over her. She announces she’s going to give Chad up, because it is easier to go out with a middle-school boy. Ellen thinks this is totally romantic. Jessica: “I’d rather perish than hurt Aaron.” Ah, this is why they keep Ellen around - to listen to their theatrics.
Jessica sees Chad again later, but doesn’t quite tell him she’s given him up. She’ll wait until the party, because there’s nothing quite like ruining someone’s night and causing a scene at a large social event. Jessica consults Elizabeth about the ethics of dancing with another boy when you’re not sure if the first boy is your boyfriend. And we find out that Todd kissed Elizabeth at the informal bowling party! Jessica declares that now Todd has kissed Elizabeth, he’s her boyfriend no matter what he says. Personally, I wouldn’t take something said to a small child seriously, like when my friend told her niece there was a monster under the bed which would eat her if she didn’t go to sleep.
The next day, Chrissy tells Steven that Elizabeth has a boyfriend called Todd, who is a nice boyfriend and a good kisser, as per their previous conversation. Elizabeth is predictably mortified. But wait - if Chrissy overheard the Todd talk, she might have overheard the Chad talk! What if she tells Steven? Ok, that would be truly awful. That night at dinner, the twins monopolize all conversation to avoid Chrissy talking - Jessica stuffs a piece of bread in Chrissy’s mouth when she tries to speak, telling her not to speak with her mouth full. The parents blithely agree.
The twins get ready for the party. Jessica is wearing her favourite turquoise dress (is she always wearing that dress? Is that the one which actually belongs to Elizabeth? How many turquoise dresses does she own?), turquoise eye shadow, pale pink lip gloss, blush, rose-scented perfume and rose-pink nail polish. Jessica answers an urgent call from Lila, who is deliberating between white sandals or white patent-leather pumps. Go barefoot. Jessica goes back into her room to find Chrissy has destroyed all her planned make-up by getting it over her face, the bed and the turquoise dress. Jessica tells off Chrissy, who says she’ll be Steven’s sister instead. Oh, and she’s told Steven about Jessica and Chad. Jessica flips out.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth is having a shower with lilac-scented soap, and then dusts her shoulders with lilac powder. Because she is an aging Southern belle. She comes across the Jessica and Chrissy crisis and tells Jessica she has to go, or there will be no dénouement. Jessica tells Chrissy she wishes she’d just get lost. Also, Mrs Wakefield has to stay late at work. The dad will be taking everyone to the party and looking after Chrissy. But the van breaks down and the dad can’t get back from work! Jessica decides to stay home and look after Chrissy. Elizabeth gets Amy to babysit for seven dollars. Cheapskate. Chrissy is not happy with the new order of things.
The party. Jessica hovers, not wanting to speak to Chad. About nothing. She is in fact breaking off a non-existent relationship. Elizabeth listens in on Steven and Chad’s conversation. Steven is telling Chad about Jessica, but in a non-dickish way! He even asks Chad to dance with Jessica and let her down gently. Aw, Steven! Although Elizabeth is there to speak to Todd, she brushes him off so she can find Jessica. He’s going to see Joe’s model railway.
Chad asks Jessica to dance. The Unicorns gossip. Ellen seems ridiculously concerned about Aaron finding out. Ellen must read a lot of romance novels. Chad kisses Jessica on the cheek.
Walking away from Chad, Jessica feels utterly humiliated. But Ellen and Lila are blown away! Jessica danced with, and was kissed by, a high school boy! Jessica says they said their goodbyes, and that will be the end of it. Aaron, Rick, and latterly-gay Jake are all looking at yes, the model railway. All the middle school boys spend the whole night playing with it. It does sound super-huge. The girls decide to leave, disgusted by the lack of male attention. Elizabeth stays, because Todd wants to talk to her. K I S S I N G!
Jessica gets home to find Amy freaking out because Chrissy has hidden too well and she can’t find her. The parents come home and they can’t find her either.
Elizabeth and Todd talk. He mentions the day in the park with Chrissy - he says he wants to be Elizabeth’s boyfriend! Actually, he says “If somebody calls me your boyfriend, I don’t mind.” Way to play it cool. He also says that he likes Elizabeth more than anything. Elizabeth likes him back. Awesome! Then Todd calls his mum to pick them up.
Chrissy is still missing. Jessica finds her in the Howards’s house next door, by the aquarium. Chrissy has a thing about the fish - she’s gone there several times, but it was far too tedious to recap.
The twins get each other up to speed on their evenings. They have hot chocolate with their parents, and Steven comes back. It’s a nice moment. The parents say “hey, maybe we should have another kid!” They’re joking. Thank god.
B Plot
Amy is saving to buy her parents soccer tickets for their anniversary. She needs 34 dollars. She’s taking 224 aluminium cans to be recycled, but only gets $2.24 for them. Eight days before their anniversary. She decides to have a cookie sale. Elizabeth will help. Dullest subplot ever.
They make cookies. Things go wrong. I’m not even going to dignify this subplot with a recap. She earns $12 in all.
Amy mows some lawns. It goes wrong.
Amy cleans out garages. It is hard.
Amy babysits Chrissy. It is hard. They play hide and seek, and Amy says Chrissy can hide wherever she likes… Can you see where this is going?
Amy buys the tickets. Her parents liked them.
So there we go. A rather dull book, except for the pre-teen romance. The most embarrassing part is that I wrote a book review of this when I was ten. I drew a picture of Chrissy kicking Bruce Patman in the leg.