Sweet Valley University: Wanted for Murder, part 1
Once again, the twins find themselves in mortal danger from Jessica's stupidity. She's as sipid and shallow as she was in high school, I see.
I hate to criticize people, but those girls sure don't look like the (said) hottest girls in California. Well, on to the book...
The book opens up with Jessica complaining that Steven has to stay home from an upcoming trip to Vail, because he's sick. He wont be able to lend her extra cash, and she wont be able to afford any new ski suits! She keeps whining about how unfair it is that Ned and Alice didn't give her any spending money. Elizabeth points out that they gave Jessica enough money to last until Christmas, and Jessica spent it before the semester was halfway over. Jessica is mad at Liz for pointing out the truth, and she whines while Elizabeth stares into Tom Watts' eyes like some helpless sissy woman. Jessica and Elizabeth are now driving from California to Vail by themselves. Naturally, Tom is worried, but Liz bitches at him.
Meanwhile, a "young man" holds up an out-of-the-way convinience store. The sign reads: GAS! OIL! CHERRY COLA! Gee, Route 66 vintage much? He tells the owners that this is a stickup--to give him all the money. And a cherry cola. Then he shoots the elderly storekeepers.
Back to the Wonder Twins, Jessica is having Liz stop for root beer for about the millionth time. Elizabeth is steamed when Jessica takes a long time. She jokes, "What did you do, hold up the place?" Foreshadowing, much? Oh, subtle SVU ghostwriter. Jessica has bought a snack--chocolate chip cookies. She also bought an apple for Liz "in case you [Liz] are still obsessing about your weight". We get this very wise gem from Liz: "I'm not paranoid! Every cookie in that box is conspiring against my hips! I thought I was going to college to gain knowledge and culture--not two dress sizes! Now that we're mirror images, I'd like it to stay that way."
Wonderful, Elizabeth. Because being a size 8 (presuming Liz was still a size six in college, obviously adding two dress sizes would make her 'size' 8) makes you unlovable and worthless...And you're the smart twin. HA.
The viewpoint switches once again. Special agent Jeff Marks is investigating a string of south-western robberies and hurting over his Tragically Dead Girlfriend, Summer O'Brien. SUMMER O'BRIEN? Apparently she had the "ebony hair and high cheekbones of her Shoshone mother and the lighter skin and blue-green eyes from her Irish father". Um...wow.
Somewhere in the Mojave desert, a dude named Scott Culver kicks his broken down Oldsmobile and curses because it is as hot as summer--and it's December. (This is still in Cali, for the geographically challenged :) ). He thinks about snowy Montana and gets depressed and ragey.
Back to Liz (I hate how crudely this book shifts viewpoints) and Jessica, the girls are in the Jeep, singing off-key to "Stop, in the Name of Love". Wow, the book actually cited a real song, instead of something by Ryder Mitchell or Jamie Peters! Suddenly, Jessica yells that Elizabeth must stop. Liz is mad because she doesn't think Jessica needs to use the bathroom AGAIN. But it's not that. The youngest Wakefield twin (by four minutes if you didn't know) has seen a hot guy by a broken-down car. Can we guess who it might be? Oh, come on, they're practically giving it away. Jess wants Liz to stop NOT from the kindness of her heart, but because the guy is sexy and shirtless. Apparently Jessie recovers really quickly from man-scum like Mike McAllery and all her other jerky hunks. For once, Liz refuses to get her 'baby sister' what she wants. Then we get this from Jess. Oh, I love you, Jessica...
"Elizabeth! His car broke down. He's in trouble! You're the one always saying how important it is to help people in trouble."
Ah, Jessica, that is St. Elizabeth of Sweet Valley.
Elizabeth refuses and Jessica is upset because she thinks this dude's a real cowboy, because he has a cowboy hat on. Naturally, Liz thinks this is ridiculous. I do, too. Every bloody tourist to come to my state, Texas, buys a cheap cowboy hat, sits on a horse that walks at 1 mile an hour, and calls himself a cowboy.
They drive on, Liz making plans to call a tow truck, and--tah dah!--the viewpoint swithces. The man is Scott Culver! Suhprise! Not. He sees the two girls and thinks they look like angels, and wishes they'd stop. He feels like he's in a beer commercial, hot and thirsty in the desert, with two blonde babes coming along. Or--he thinks--a gum commercial. HA! Doublemint Twins!
Later, Elizabeth and Jessica are sitting at a diner, presumably still in Cali. They argue about whether or not to get on the road right away. They decide to stay longer and make up time later. Jessica orders pie, and after reassurng Lizzie that she won't turn fat and ugly from one piece of pie, Elizabeth orders pie, too. Then, miracle of miracles, the 'cowboy' walks in! He pays for the girls' pie and charms Jessica, who is practically drooling. Scott tells about how he's a medical student working through college. He's going to work for a month at where else but Vail! Where the girls are headed.
[The viewpoint switches back to Agent Jeff Marks, but I'm going to skip these segments until\unless they become important. So far, they all involve Jeff pining over his Tragically Dead Girlfriend and trying to convince small-town cops that a recent string of robberies are connected.]
Jessica has convinced Elizabeth to give Scott a ride. Elizabeth is convinced he's a good guy because he's polite, literate, goes to medical school, and says that he doesn't NEED a ride with them. According to Liz, a bad guy wouldn't leave himself open to refusal like that, he'd jump at the chance for a ride. So Scott joins the Wakefield caravan after Jess manages to manipulate things so he's squished in the backseat with her. She deliberately brushes her bare leg against his jeans-clad leg.
Soon, the girls are in Nevada, and they pull of at a gas station. Scott calls Jess "one of a kind" Meanwhile, Elizabeth is talking with Tom, and he is totally freaked to hear that the girls picked up some complete stranger dude. I would be, too, but his girlfriend totally flips him off. It is only when she hangs up that she starts worrying. She says nothing, but gets back on the road with Scott and Jessica. Scott describes what he's taken in college to become a med student, and Elizabeth is relieved. Then Scott and Elizabeth start talking about the play, "The Cherry Orchard". Jessica, who's never read anything deeper than the sex and makeup tips in COSMO or VOGUE, is all confused and bored.
Elizabeth wants to keep going as night falls, but Scott points out how desert-y Nevada is, and Liz agrees to stop in Las Vegas. Jessica manipulates Scott into promising to go to the dance with her, as she's currently dateless, by making herself sound pathetic and saintly. Then Jessica and Elizabeth argue about hotels. Jess wants to spend a night in a fancy hotel like Caesar's. Liz says it is unaffordable, but her sister retorts that Scott can share a room with them! Wow. Elizabeth is horrified. I'll give you this sweet bit of dialog:
"Jess! It's not safe! We don't know anything about him!"
Jessica's reply: "We'll take turns dressing in the bathroom. If I know you, you packed pajamas that look like something Grandma would wear, and my nightshirt covers up more of me than what I have on now!"
Funny, for all the attempted rapes, Jessica sure is stupid. Again, Scott is a perfect gentleman--and how could a perfect gentleman have weird plans? Elizabeth agrees, and they get a room at Caesar's. They eat at a casino\hotel called the Mirage and Elizabeth tells Jessica that the dwarf sharks in the tanks that make up the front desk are to keep people from stealing hotel towels. And Jessica BELIEVES her!! OMG, I just had to laugh.
Later, Jessica and Scott sneak off to "buy change for the vending machine" while Elizabeth showers. "You're downright devious" Scott tells Jess. "I like that in a woman". Then they make out by a pool.
The viewpoint switches to Scott--this is now late at night, after the makeout session. He is gambling big money, and loses all. Now he is broke! Oh noes! He bitches at the twins the next morning, and says that he is lower on cash than he thought. He suggests they skip breakfast and start driving, stopping to eat at a cheap truck stop.
They do just that. When they stop at the truck stop, an ugly, fat trucker leers at the girls. In the parking lot, he asks Scott, "So, buddy, the packaging looks good, but are they as sweet on the inside?" INSIDE? Okay, that kind of sounds like a double entendre. I don't think I need to draw a picture. Eww. Scott punches the guy, and the girls are horrified, but he apologizes, saying he just wanted to protect him. Liz forgives him--for now--and Jess thinks it's romantic how well he defended her.
An hour later, Elizabeth stops the Jeep again at a town called Moapa, which is an a real place--there are less than 7,000 people in it now, according to Wikipedia. Scott tells Jessica that he needs to "stock up on a few things" and tells Jessica not to follow him in. Suspicious much? But it doesn't sink into Jessica's brain, and Liz is at a pay phone, so she can't be suspicious. Jessica follows Scott in, anyway, and teh horrors! Scott comes up behind her and sticks a gun in front of her face. He yells "This is a stickup!" She stares at the security camera in horror as he shoots it. Remember this, kiddies, it'll be important later.
Elizabeth is on the phone, telling Tom that the stranger (Scott, of course) was wonderful and everything's safe and she'll be with him soon.Then she hears gunshots. And screaming. Suddenly, Scott arrives with a bloody Jessica and tears Elizabeth away from the phone. "Get in the Jeep, now!" he yells...and Elizabeth sees his gun...
To be continued, I promise! I'm breaking this into three parts!