SVT #5 Sneaking Out
This is my first recap. The only book where I can totally sympathize with Jessica. My parents never forbade me any rock concerts, but I proudly admit that I've been as obsessed with U2's Bono as Jessica is with Johnny Buck, although I have never kissed Bono's picture goodnight...no really... I NEVER HAVE...!!
Here's the cover: Jessica, her hair loose and flowing, is clad in mom jeans, some kind of (purple?) top and jean jacket, shouldering a large bag with a green and white striped cap sticking out which is pivitol to the story. She’s glancing nervously over her shoulder as she ascends the two porch steps of Casa Wakefield, and we must assume she really is "Sneaking Out"! Sitting on the porch is a reddish brown cocker spaniel looking forelornly at the retreating twin. You're probably wondering "Where in the world could Jessica be "Sneaking Out" to?" Read on! And keep your eyes peeled for the artist's mistake!
The opening scene is outside the SVMS gym where blue-green eyed Jessica wearing sandals, a sunny smile and apparently nothing else, spots her identical twin sister and calls her over. Extra points to the ghostwriter sparing us the same mundane paragraphs we’re forced to plod through about Jessica and Elizabeth looking the same but are actually totally different.
We have a lame “What’s the scoop?” line from Elizabeth and this story line is off and running. Johnny Buck aka “The Buck” (that is, like, soooo creative!) is coming to Sweet Valley, OMG! Everyone wants tickets to his concert even cute Bruce Patman who has already beaten everyone to the punch waving two newly purchased front row tickets in front of everyone. We learn this event is only half sold out (only HALF sold out? Justin Timberlake tickets sell out in less than 10 minutes!) and these golden tickets only cost a whopping $25 apiece (WTF? I paid scalper prices for U2 tickets and it cost me $164!) therefore in Sweet Valley currency this requires very deep pockets so not just anyone can go to a Johnny Buck concert! He's “The Buck” whose blond curls fall so sexy over his eyes and Jessica and Elizabeth are his biggest fans. Jessica even gets and I quote:
a soft wonderful feeling when I kiss his poster goodnight,
A little too much info there, Jess.
So last year, when the twins were still in diapers and their parents were too uncool to allow them to stay up late and go see Johnny Buck, they stalked the famous singer to his hotel and when he finally appeared at the rear door, wearing a green and white striped cap, to sign autographs to his one million fans in SV he smiled right at Jessica but tossed his precious striped cap to…ELIZABETH!
Now, considering the twins had been forced way back into the street and this guy was standing at the door of the hotel he must be quite the athlete to be able to chuck a cap that far to land right at Liz and Jessica’s feet! Liz makes a mad dash for the cap, (too bad the crazy mob of fans didn't tackle her for it, that would've been awesome!) and she is “the luckiest girl alive”! Her 15 seconds of fame are, unfortunetly, short lived when Jessica snatches the hat right out of her dear sister’s hands.
Instead of a good hair pulling catfight over the true owner of the cap, St. Elizabeth allows Jess to keep it and now the precious souvenir has been sitting in Jessica’s room, beside her stereo, ever since.
Remember this striped cap story, folks.
Now, one year later, the twins are in middle school, are practically grown up and so very more mature that Jessica is convinced their parents will simply have to let them go. So Very More Mature Elizabeth resolves herself for disappointment, Ned and Alice will probably NOT let them go this year either. Meanwhile Jessica is already picturing herself riding off into the sunset with her favorite singer!
Jessica has already written to her idol, in purple of course, and told him all about the cap incident, described herself, the Unicorns who have all "Sworn eternal devotion to Johnny", and she even offered him membership in the Unicorn Club! Awesome! How could a freakin rich and famous rock star NOT be thrilled to recieve such a letter? Jess is convinced this will land her tête-à-tête with the famous singer.
Elizabeth, the sane one, says it will be a miracle if Jessica can actually get this famous singer (who is only a few years older than the twins but just dripping in sophistication) to join a “girls’ club”. I have to agree with Elizabeth.
The twins have been walking home from school during this reminiscing and enter the house to find Steven raiding the fridge as usual and boasting about his own upcoming date to, what else? The Buck concert! Gee, a high school freshman boy, taking a girl out...on a date? At 14? To a rock concert? Only in Sweet Valley.
The twins' parents varify their worst fears by announcing yes, they are STILL too young to go see "The Buck." and even Steven won't let them tag along. What, was there a mosh pit at the concert last year? A rave? Why can't they go?
Jessica puts on her best tearful, dramatic campaign but Mom and Dad are resolute. The answer is still “No!” Four minute head start into the world Elizabeth finds her own closure and resolves to work hard in order to earn their parents trust and wait for next year’s Buck concert. Elizabeth you are boring as hell, you know that don’t you? Jessica calls her a goody two shoes. Ouch.
Luckily this book doesn’t end here. Only eleven pages in and Jessica is already scheming to find a way to go to this concert of the century. Go Jess!
Unfortunately, she has no money, spent it all on a new blouse. The concert is just ONE WEEK AWAY.
(For the record, I bought my U2 tickets nine months in advance and dreamed of Bono every night until then...)
Flash forwad four days later. Jessica’s only brilliant money making idea is to pawn her new purple blouse off on Elizabeth’s gullible best friend Amy Sutton but Elizabeth quickly stops Amy from wasting her money when she finds her in Jessica’s room practically drowning in Jessica's blouse which is a few sizes too big for her. This doesn’t make much sense. Is Amy so petite she doesn’t wear the same size clothes as her classmates or did Jessica suddenly grow enormous bosoms at twelve years old?
Jessica is still zero dollars closer to Johnny Buck.
The answer to Jessica’s prayers comes when she spots a sign written on blue notepaper in elegant handwriting on the bulletin board at the local ice cream shop. Here is the word for word note on which all of Jessica’s hopes were "pinned."
Needed for three days: Dog-sitter to provide loving, tender care for well behaved pet. $25 call C. Bramble 555-9721.
What has Jessica gotten herself into? As Elizabeth reminds her, Jessica doesn’t just hate dogs she’s terrified of them! I guess the ghostwriter never read Sweet Valley High #33. Jessica has agreed to meet Mrs. Bramble and her dog tomorrow after school but the twins have a ballet lesson at that time. I include this next part of twin bonding because I think its quite funny: Jessica tells Elizabeth to give her excuses to Madame Andre since she is now a working girl,
“...tell her I drowned in the ocean with my toes pointed all the way down.” Jessica clutched her throat and fell heavily to the floor. Elizabeth plays along “I’m sorry, Madame, my sister won’t be joining us today but I’m proud to tell you that her last words were, ‘Shoulders back, Stomach in’.
Steven finds them collapsed in heap on the bedroom floor crying tears of mirth to inform them they are “definitely weird”.
The next morning a still naïve Steven overhears Elizabeth giving tips to a nervous Jessica about approaching a strange dog,
“hold your hand out so he can lick it before you try to scratch his ears.”
Steven assumes she’s talking about the best way to approach a 6th grade boy! Gives some big brotherly advice, ‘that’s no way to get a boyfriend’ LOL!
After school Jessica heroically confronts the sweet, grandmotherly Mrs. Bramble and her fat, snoring dog who turns out be a perfectly harmless cocker spaniel (oh drat, I was hoping for a rottweiler). Lying through her perfect teeth Jessica gushes about how much she simply *cough* adores dogs and so does the entire Wakefield family! Mrs. Bramble, who hadn't planned on letting a young child care for her beloved pet whose name is Sally (Sally? You mean that thing has a NAME?) falls for Jessica's acadamy award winning performance. Jessica agrees to walk Sally twice a day and feed her and play with her and hug her (HUG HER!!! Oh the HORROR!) and give a her a good home over at Casa Wakefield while Mrs. B is gone. Oh, and did she mention she’s going to use the $25 to buy her dear mother a birthday present? So, 'HAND IT OVER LADY! *ahem* I mean ,I need the money NOW. Please?'
Jessica will apparently do anything, even face her own dog phobia, for her idol, Johnny Buck. Jessica the actress strokes Sally and forces herself to enjoy the dog's presence and when Mrs. Bramble agrees to giving Jessica the $25 payment in advance she is rewarded with a brillant dimpled smile.
The next day at school Jessica one ups Janet Howell's ‘I’m going to the Johnny Buck concert with my brother’s roomate from San Fransisco’ and tells her Unicorn buddies that instead of getting a ride to the concert in the Buck’s private jet, she’s got a hot date with him right after the concert because it was her, JESSICA, who caught Johnny Buck's cap one year ago! Come on, everybody sing: "Cause I've got a golden ticket! I've got a golden twinkle in my eye!"
All the Unicorns think Jessica is amazing because she wrote to Johnny and offered him membership in their exclusive club AND they're having a secret affair! All the unicorns that is, except El Capitan. I have to give Janet some credit for not even taking the idea of Jessica inviting Johnny Buck to join the Unicorns seriously. She rolls her eyes.
Best friend Lila Fowler generously helps Jessica in her plan to sneak out and attend the concert behind her parents’ back by offering her a ride and Jessica can even spend the night at her house, a perfect cover up! The bell rings and all dash off to their classes.
Liz is suspicious; anyone who sits through sentence diagramming in English with a wide dreamy smile on her face has got to be up to something. At luchtime a puzzled Elizabeth watches her twin devour her least favorite cafeteria meal without complaint. Turns out Jessica and Lila are buying their concert tickets today after school so could ELizabeth PLEASE not blab to Ned and Alice that she's going to forbidden rock concert anyway? She tries to bribe her twin with butterscotch pudding to keep mum but Elizabeth tells her to try again when they’re serving chocolate. Very wise, Liz. Of course saint Elizabeth is not a tattle tale and agrees to keep Jessica's secret.
Saint Elizabeth even accompanies Jessica over to Mrs. Bramble’s to pick up their charge for the weekend. The old lady is delighted to find identical twins standing on her doorstep. Jessica almost freaks out around Sally; it’s a real struggle to keep up her “I heart dogs” act in front of Mrs. B a second time. Liz covers for Jessica by helping her fake a stubbed toe in front of Mrs. B so paranoid Jess won’t get stuck holding Sally’s leash. Mrs. B, naturally, doesn’t suspect a thing.
The family, minus Liz, love that Jessica has suddenly overcome her fear of dogs! They all bend over backwards and turn it into a real Wakefield project by pitching in and welcoming the cocker spaniel into their happy home. Jessica can’t believe how stupid they all are to have fallen for her act. Ok she doesn’t think that but now that she’s behind closed doors Jessica can let her true colors show by treating Sally as if she has the plague. All other Wakefields, like we didn't see this coming, does all the work and not just Elizabeth, Steven jumps at the chance to walk the dog and Jessica uses her sociopathic powers to get Liz to care for Sally whenever possible.
At school everyone is still fawning over Jessica because she now has her own Johnny Buck concert ticket. Even Janet has suddenly had a change of heart. Since Jessica bought an actual ticket and is really GOING to the concert now…well anyone can see a special autograph from Johnny Buck to Jessica Wakefield is inevitable at this point! Even Bruce Patman has heard this Jessica + Johnny rumor and wants in on meeting Johnny. Bruce turns on his charm and sets it up with Jessica to meet him during the concert for a Coke date.
Why Bruce is wearing a football jersey that’s too big for him in this scene is beyond me. Why Jessica accepts a date from this future rapist is also beyond me but she thinks he looks cute anyway in the jersey and is so happy to be the center of attention walking alongside her crush (second to Johnny of course!) everything is going according to her plan and she’s on cloud nine!
Yes, I too hoped Bono might pull me up on stage at a U2 concert one day, even though I had no souviniers from him, clothing items, underwear for him to sign, ect. and I WAS his biggest fan amidst all my friends but my friends and I were all realistic about it, and nobody was fawning all over ME!! Oh, I forgot, this is Sweet Valley. Let's continue...
It’s Saturday, the morning of the concert! Jessica is dreaming of the autograph Johnny will sign on her cap, ‘yours always’ or ‘with all my love’, and she knows no matter what he writes she’ll never wash that cap again! Ewww. (A very dull dream, I’d be dreaming of whole lot more than just an autograph from Bono!)
Her dreams of meeting Johnny are interrupted by an anxious Sally ready for her morning walk and none of the other Sally-loving Wakefields are home so, for once, Jessica is stuck doing a chore! Despite putting up with all the “Cute doggie” comments from all the neighbors Jessica is surprised to meet a tall girl her own age described as perfectly groomed with a ‘straight skirt, stockings and a pretty quilted jacket’ very posh. We’ll learn about this girl later (See SVT #6 recap The New Girl) the important thing to note here is that it’s OK for Jessica to hate dogs but no one else in Sweet Valley can or they will be labeled as “unpleasant.”
Jessica thinks positive thoughts about Johnny Buck (find a happy place) and the wonderful concert she’ll soon be attending as soon as this terrible dog walking ordeal is over. When Lila calls Jessica (Hurry up, Jess, we gotta go!) Jessica cannot wait any longer for Mrs. Bramble to come relieve her of her charge plus she’s about to attend the biggest concert of the century and she doesn’t have a thing to wear! What will Jessica do? She packs Elizabeth’s new dress of course! The pale beige one with a scoop neck and raspberry jacket hmmm seems a little overdressed for a rock concert especially with the leather shoes. I’d totally wear the huge gold hoops though (the hoops are Liz’s B-day present for their Mom next month) But Dunt Dunt DUM! Mrs. Bramble phones and says she’ll be late getting back from her trip. This means Jessica will have to stay there at the Wakefield residence with Sally and (gasp!) miss the concert! Oh noes!
After hanging up Jessica does what any twelve year old would do, throws herself on her bed and cries as if her heart would break. But not for long. NOTHING, not rain nor snow nor sleet nor “dogs in the night” will keep Jessica from seeing Johnny Buck and Jessica feels she’s already earned every penny! It is now 2:30 in the afternoon and the concert is scheduled to begin in an hour and a half. That’s 4:00 pm PST. Wait a minute. What rock concert, that none of the parents of Sweet Valley won’t let anyone attend, starts at this insanely early hour anyway?
Jessica packs her overnight bag, ties poor Sally to the pine tree in the backyard, leaves a short note for her sister and is off to see the Buck. This is NOT in keeping with the cover art as Sally is shown being left behind by Jessica on the front porch!
Elizabeth arrives home to find Sally gone and begins a frantic search to find her before her parents and Mrs. B return. She tries calling Lila but the line is busy, and since this is before the era of cell phones, she walks over to the Fowler mansion instead. She learns Lila and Jessica are long gone to the concert and will not return until 8:30. That's 8:30PM! The ghostwriter has given them only four and half hours to attend this concert. Obviously this ghostwriter has never attended a rock concert! 8:30pm I’m still AT the concert waiting for the opening band to finish and the main act to come on and I NEVER get home until midnight at the latest what with parking and traffic and all.
Not to be discouraged by her twin's latest adventure, Elizabeth enlists Amy to help cover for Jessica and together they comb the neighborhood looking for the lost spaniel.
Meanwhile, Lila and Jessica are in the nosebleed section at the worst concert on earth. How come Bruce got front row tickets but Lila who is just as rich had to settle for last row? This concert really sucks. Despite the laser show, the girls are stuck in what has to be the worst seats. From where they’re sitting Johnny and his band are the size of ants, the sound is so terrible at this outdoor concert Jessica can hardly hear the fast, funny romp of “Saturday Blues”. Usually a rock concert at an outdoor venue sounds great no matter where you’re sitting. Jessica and Lila gush over how great Johnny sounds imagining his sweet, dreamy voice singing just for them...until Johnny’s mic goes out! The crowd isn’t very happy about this especially a lady behind the girls who spews forth a string of swearwords shocking everyone into stunned silence. Horrors! Apparently such language just isn’t spoken in Sweet Valley. For $25 they really got their money’s worth didn't they?
Jessica suddenly remembers her purpose for coming to the concert, so they can get Johnny’s autograph! Lila refuses, not wanting to venture down into the mosh pit and she has a point, there are rapists and murderers out there, they could be killed. But Jessica, blinded by all except her glittering fantasy of meeting Johnny Buck, heads for the stage, alone.
By now Johnny’s microphone has been fixed and everyone is on their feet, enjoying the music, having a great time. Struggling through the mob, Jessica wonders if she should’ve just stayed with Lila but she's already lost her friend in the crowd. Suddenly intermission comes. (Intermission at a rock concert?) The crowd is even thicker near the stage but hey, there’s Bruce Patman ready to make good on his Coke date with Jessica and they head for the yellow refreshment tents but before he has time to treat Jessica, Johnny and his band are suddenly back on stage playing Bruce’s all time favorite song “Forever Fever” which is enough to make Bruce forget all about Jessica’s famous connections and that refreshing beverage. He drops her like third period French, and heads back to his seat.
Jessica forges onward toward her goal of Johnny and that coveted autograph so she’ll be the envy of all in Sweet Valley. Stupid Jessica! She should just enjoy the concert.
Just then, Jessica notices something strange. A redhead is clutching an identical striped cap just like Jessica’s! Huh? Then, what should she see and hear but another group of girls chanting a lame cheer to Johnny ‘We love you Johnny, we love your style, you’ve got them all beat by a mile.” it sounds like a crappy Boosters cheer but more importanatly why are all THREE girls holding THREE striped caps? Weird.
As Jessica passes more and more fans she realizes at least fifty fans are holding and waving at least fifty identical striped caps Just! Like! Hers! (You monkeys you, you give me back my caps!) Jessica’s blood begins to boil. What, did he just give out caps like peanuts? Yes, dear Jessica, your beloved Johnny handed out fifty striped caps to fifty fans and your precious memento makes fifty-one! Nah nah!
“That phony!” is the worst thought Jessica can muster about her favorite singer. Take that Johnny! She’s now reached the stage apron and the concert is coming to an end but Johnny, without even a glance in Jessica direction, simply bows and runs off stage surrounded by bodyguards and a small man takes his place to hand out free photographs of the young singer, probably to make up for the technical difficulties earlier. The crowd is now pushing so hard that poor, overdressed Jessica, in her borrowed garb, losses her footing and falls to the wet grass. (Guess there really WAS a mosh pit after all) Her perfect evening now completely ruined she buries her face in her hands and sobs. Photo/publicity man spots her, gets the crowd to help her to her feet and she’s presented with one of the photos signed, as the little man assures, just for her 'by the Buck himself.' It reads “Keep on Rocking-from your friend Johnny Buck.” Yuck!
My thoughts exactly.
Realizing her dream of meeting Johnny and getting the precious cap personally autographed is now gone, Jessica reunites with Janet, Lila and her ride home. She gets no sympathy as they all sneer at her “So, did you meet Johnny?” and they LAUGH at Jessica’s “signed photograph” because Janet bought one just like it at the refreshment tent! Jessica silently vows to wait until she’s 21 before she attends another rock concert.
Meanwhile Elizabeth has been stalling and lying and covering up for her sister to Mrs. Wakefield and Mrs. Bramble while they all continue the search for the lost dog. Dear Mrs. Bramble even brought a small wrapped gift for Jessica to make up for her tardiness. Elizabeth feels worse and worse until she has an epiphany. Sally probably went home! She hopes this will buy enough time until “her adventurous twin” returns. Sure enough they find, lying in the middle of Mrs. Bramble’s front room a contented Sally safe and sound at home courtesy of her doggie door. Mystery solved!
Mrs. Wakefeild is insistent Jessica apologize in person for her carelessness-rushing off to spend the night at a friend’s house instead of finishing the job, and, she declares, Jessica will return every deceitfully earned penny back to Mrs. B. Oops! Since Elizabeth knows the truth, she volunteers to be the one to inform Jessica of this as they pull up to the Fowler driveway.
Elizabeth’s sympathy for what awaits her sister vanishes when Jessica answers the door (the Butler must still be at the concert) wearing Liz's dress and shoes now covered with grass stains and only one gold hoop earring! Elizabeth wants to strangle her! Jessica just pulls her inside, relieved that Elizabeth didn’t tell on her about the forbidden concert until Liz drops the bomb about the money she must return which is of course long gone “Don’t you have some money you could lend me?” Jessica begs “You know I don’t, you’re wearing the last money I had in the world on your left ear!” Ha!
In the car, Jessica apologizes but Mrs. Wakefield only lectures Jess about responsibility. She must go straight to Mrs. B and apologize in person.
Alone with Mrs. Bramble in her front room, Jessica tearfully apologizes again before breaking down and confessing everything to the sweet, kindly old lady: the forbidden Johnny Buck concert, the lost birthday earring, the $25 now blown on an evening she hadn’t even enjoyed and even her true feelings about dogs! Mrs. B pats her shoulder as Jessica sobs wishing she’d never even heard of "The Buck".
Oatmeal squares, tea, and sympathy all around as Mrs. B confesses about the time when SHE was a girl she went behind her mother’s back with a friend and they hennaed their hair and pierced their ears. Shocking! Jessica is so in awe she can’t believe anyone could stoop so low and agrees to walk Sally for one month to repay the money she owes. Here is one rare time Jessica does NOT get off scott free.
So, no one but Liz and Mrs. B. ever found out about Jessica sneaking out to attend the Johnny Buck concert. Jessica returns home and burns every single Johnny Buck item she owns. Ok, she doesn't but that’s what I would’ve done. Instead a truly contrite Jessica returns the striped cap to Elizabeth and presents Mrs. Bramble’s gift of a pretty bracelet of six slender black and silver bands held together with a silver catch for Mrs. Wakefield’s birthday present instead of keeping it for herself. Yay Jess!
The story wraps up when the twins see themselves reflected in the mirror one dressed smartly in a beige dress and jacket with loose flowing hair, the other in jeans and a pullover, hair in a casual fluff with brightly colored barrettes-identical but different. They giggle at themselves like a couple of two year olds and Jessica’s halo of repentance quickly disappears as she’s suddenly begging Liz to help her carry all of the dog stuff back to Mrs. B. Elizabeth just laughs because now she knows she’s got her crazy scheming sister back and know what? She’ll keep her!
And that’s the way the story ends until Jessica brings up the subject of their “disgusting” new neighbor…
Here's the cover: Jessica, her hair loose and flowing, is clad in mom jeans, some kind of (purple?) top and jean jacket, shouldering a large bag with a green and white striped cap sticking out which is pivitol to the story. She’s glancing nervously over her shoulder as she ascends the two porch steps of Casa Wakefield, and we must assume she really is "Sneaking Out"! Sitting on the porch is a reddish brown cocker spaniel looking forelornly at the retreating twin. You're probably wondering "Where in the world could Jessica be "Sneaking Out" to?" Read on! And keep your eyes peeled for the artist's mistake!
The opening scene is outside the SVMS gym where blue-green eyed Jessica wearing sandals, a sunny smile and apparently nothing else, spots her identical twin sister and calls her over. Extra points to the ghostwriter sparing us the same mundane paragraphs we’re forced to plod through about Jessica and Elizabeth looking the same but are actually totally different.
We have a lame “What’s the scoop?” line from Elizabeth and this story line is off and running. Johnny Buck aka “The Buck” (that is, like, soooo creative!) is coming to Sweet Valley, OMG! Everyone wants tickets to his concert even cute Bruce Patman who has already beaten everyone to the punch waving two newly purchased front row tickets in front of everyone. We learn this event is only half sold out (only HALF sold out? Justin Timberlake tickets sell out in less than 10 minutes!) and these golden tickets only cost a whopping $25 apiece (WTF? I paid scalper prices for U2 tickets and it cost me $164!) therefore in Sweet Valley currency this requires very deep pockets so not just anyone can go to a Johnny Buck concert! He's “The Buck” whose blond curls fall so sexy over his eyes and Jessica and Elizabeth are his biggest fans. Jessica even gets and I quote:
a soft wonderful feeling when I kiss his poster goodnight,
A little too much info there, Jess.
So last year, when the twins were still in diapers and their parents were too uncool to allow them to stay up late and go see Johnny Buck, they stalked the famous singer to his hotel and when he finally appeared at the rear door, wearing a green and white striped cap, to sign autographs to his one million fans in SV he smiled right at Jessica but tossed his precious striped cap to…ELIZABETH!
Now, considering the twins had been forced way back into the street and this guy was standing at the door of the hotel he must be quite the athlete to be able to chuck a cap that far to land right at Liz and Jessica’s feet! Liz makes a mad dash for the cap, (too bad the crazy mob of fans didn't tackle her for it, that would've been awesome!) and she is “the luckiest girl alive”! Her 15 seconds of fame are, unfortunetly, short lived when Jessica snatches the hat right out of her dear sister’s hands.
Instead of a good hair pulling catfight over the true owner of the cap, St. Elizabeth allows Jess to keep it and now the precious souvenir has been sitting in Jessica’s room, beside her stereo, ever since.
Remember this striped cap story, folks.
Now, one year later, the twins are in middle school, are practically grown up and so very more mature that Jessica is convinced their parents will simply have to let them go. So Very More Mature Elizabeth resolves herself for disappointment, Ned and Alice will probably NOT let them go this year either. Meanwhile Jessica is already picturing herself riding off into the sunset with her favorite singer!
Jessica has already written to her idol, in purple of course, and told him all about the cap incident, described herself, the Unicorns who have all "Sworn eternal devotion to Johnny", and she even offered him membership in the Unicorn Club! Awesome! How could a freakin rich and famous rock star NOT be thrilled to recieve such a letter? Jess is convinced this will land her tête-à-tête with the famous singer.
Elizabeth, the sane one, says it will be a miracle if Jessica can actually get this famous singer (who is only a few years older than the twins but just dripping in sophistication) to join a “girls’ club”. I have to agree with Elizabeth.
The twins have been walking home from school during this reminiscing and enter the house to find Steven raiding the fridge as usual and boasting about his own upcoming date to, what else? The Buck concert! Gee, a high school freshman boy, taking a girl out...on a date? At 14? To a rock concert? Only in Sweet Valley.
The twins' parents varify their worst fears by announcing yes, they are STILL too young to go see "The Buck." and even Steven won't let them tag along. What, was there a mosh pit at the concert last year? A rave? Why can't they go?
Jessica puts on her best tearful, dramatic campaign but Mom and Dad are resolute. The answer is still “No!” Four minute head start into the world Elizabeth finds her own closure and resolves to work hard in order to earn their parents trust and wait for next year’s Buck concert. Elizabeth you are boring as hell, you know that don’t you? Jessica calls her a goody two shoes. Ouch.
Luckily this book doesn’t end here. Only eleven pages in and Jessica is already scheming to find a way to go to this concert of the century. Go Jess!
Unfortunately, she has no money, spent it all on a new blouse. The concert is just ONE WEEK AWAY.
(For the record, I bought my U2 tickets nine months in advance and dreamed of Bono every night until then...)
Flash forwad four days later. Jessica’s only brilliant money making idea is to pawn her new purple blouse off on Elizabeth’s gullible best friend Amy Sutton but Elizabeth quickly stops Amy from wasting her money when she finds her in Jessica’s room practically drowning in Jessica's blouse which is a few sizes too big for her. This doesn’t make much sense. Is Amy so petite she doesn’t wear the same size clothes as her classmates or did Jessica suddenly grow enormous bosoms at twelve years old?
Jessica is still zero dollars closer to Johnny Buck.
The answer to Jessica’s prayers comes when she spots a sign written on blue notepaper in elegant handwriting on the bulletin board at the local ice cream shop. Here is the word for word note on which all of Jessica’s hopes were "pinned."
Needed for three days: Dog-sitter to provide loving, tender care for well behaved pet. $25 call C. Bramble 555-9721.
What has Jessica gotten herself into? As Elizabeth reminds her, Jessica doesn’t just hate dogs she’s terrified of them! I guess the ghostwriter never read Sweet Valley High #33. Jessica has agreed to meet Mrs. Bramble and her dog tomorrow after school but the twins have a ballet lesson at that time. I include this next part of twin bonding because I think its quite funny: Jessica tells Elizabeth to give her excuses to Madame Andre since she is now a working girl,
“...tell her I drowned in the ocean with my toes pointed all the way down.” Jessica clutched her throat and fell heavily to the floor. Elizabeth plays along “I’m sorry, Madame, my sister won’t be joining us today but I’m proud to tell you that her last words were, ‘Shoulders back, Stomach in’.
Steven finds them collapsed in heap on the bedroom floor crying tears of mirth to inform them they are “definitely weird”.
The next morning a still naïve Steven overhears Elizabeth giving tips to a nervous Jessica about approaching a strange dog,
“hold your hand out so he can lick it before you try to scratch his ears.”
Steven assumes she’s talking about the best way to approach a 6th grade boy! Gives some big brotherly advice, ‘that’s no way to get a boyfriend’ LOL!
After school Jessica heroically confronts the sweet, grandmotherly Mrs. Bramble and her fat, snoring dog who turns out be a perfectly harmless cocker spaniel (oh drat, I was hoping for a rottweiler). Lying through her perfect teeth Jessica gushes about how much she simply *cough* adores dogs and so does the entire Wakefield family! Mrs. Bramble, who hadn't planned on letting a young child care for her beloved pet whose name is Sally (Sally? You mean that thing has a NAME?) falls for Jessica's acadamy award winning performance. Jessica agrees to walk Sally twice a day and feed her and play with her and hug her (HUG HER!!! Oh the HORROR!) and give a her a good home over at Casa Wakefield while Mrs. B is gone. Oh, and did she mention she’s going to use the $25 to buy her dear mother a birthday present? So, 'HAND IT OVER LADY! *ahem* I mean ,I need the money NOW. Please?'
Jessica will apparently do anything, even face her own dog phobia, for her idol, Johnny Buck. Jessica the actress strokes Sally and forces herself to enjoy the dog's presence and when Mrs. Bramble agrees to giving Jessica the $25 payment in advance she is rewarded with a brillant dimpled smile.
The next day at school Jessica one ups Janet Howell's ‘I’m going to the Johnny Buck concert with my brother’s roomate from San Fransisco’ and tells her Unicorn buddies that instead of getting a ride to the concert in the Buck’s private jet, she’s got a hot date with him right after the concert because it was her, JESSICA, who caught Johnny Buck's cap one year ago! Come on, everybody sing: "Cause I've got a golden ticket! I've got a golden twinkle in my eye!"
All the Unicorns think Jessica is amazing because she wrote to Johnny and offered him membership in their exclusive club AND they're having a secret affair! All the unicorns that is, except El Capitan. I have to give Janet some credit for not even taking the idea of Jessica inviting Johnny Buck to join the Unicorns seriously. She rolls her eyes.
Best friend Lila Fowler generously helps Jessica in her plan to sneak out and attend the concert behind her parents’ back by offering her a ride and Jessica can even spend the night at her house, a perfect cover up! The bell rings and all dash off to their classes.
Liz is suspicious; anyone who sits through sentence diagramming in English with a wide dreamy smile on her face has got to be up to something. At luchtime a puzzled Elizabeth watches her twin devour her least favorite cafeteria meal without complaint. Turns out Jessica and Lila are buying their concert tickets today after school so could ELizabeth PLEASE not blab to Ned and Alice that she's going to forbidden rock concert anyway? She tries to bribe her twin with butterscotch pudding to keep mum but Elizabeth tells her to try again when they’re serving chocolate. Very wise, Liz. Of course saint Elizabeth is not a tattle tale and agrees to keep Jessica's secret.
Saint Elizabeth even accompanies Jessica over to Mrs. Bramble’s to pick up their charge for the weekend. The old lady is delighted to find identical twins standing on her doorstep. Jessica almost freaks out around Sally; it’s a real struggle to keep up her “I heart dogs” act in front of Mrs. B a second time. Liz covers for Jessica by helping her fake a stubbed toe in front of Mrs. B so paranoid Jess won’t get stuck holding Sally’s leash. Mrs. B, naturally, doesn’t suspect a thing.
The family, minus Liz, love that Jessica has suddenly overcome her fear of dogs! They all bend over backwards and turn it into a real Wakefield project by pitching in and welcoming the cocker spaniel into their happy home. Jessica can’t believe how stupid they all are to have fallen for her act. Ok she doesn’t think that but now that she’s behind closed doors Jessica can let her true colors show by treating Sally as if she has the plague. All other Wakefields, like we didn't see this coming, does all the work and not just Elizabeth, Steven jumps at the chance to walk the dog and Jessica uses her sociopathic powers to get Liz to care for Sally whenever possible.
At school everyone is still fawning over Jessica because she now has her own Johnny Buck concert ticket. Even Janet has suddenly had a change of heart. Since Jessica bought an actual ticket and is really GOING to the concert now…well anyone can see a special autograph from Johnny Buck to Jessica Wakefield is inevitable at this point! Even Bruce Patman has heard this Jessica + Johnny rumor and wants in on meeting Johnny. Bruce turns on his charm and sets it up with Jessica to meet him during the concert for a Coke date.
Why Bruce is wearing a football jersey that’s too big for him in this scene is beyond me. Why Jessica accepts a date from this future rapist is also beyond me but she thinks he looks cute anyway in the jersey and is so happy to be the center of attention walking alongside her crush (second to Johnny of course!) everything is going according to her plan and she’s on cloud nine!
Yes, I too hoped Bono might pull me up on stage at a U2 concert one day, even though I had no souviniers from him, clothing items, underwear for him to sign, ect. and I WAS his biggest fan amidst all my friends but my friends and I were all realistic about it, and nobody was fawning all over ME!! Oh, I forgot, this is Sweet Valley. Let's continue...
It’s Saturday, the morning of the concert! Jessica is dreaming of the autograph Johnny will sign on her cap, ‘yours always’ or ‘with all my love’, and she knows no matter what he writes she’ll never wash that cap again! Ewww. (A very dull dream, I’d be dreaming of whole lot more than just an autograph from Bono!)
Her dreams of meeting Johnny are interrupted by an anxious Sally ready for her morning walk and none of the other Sally-loving Wakefields are home so, for once, Jessica is stuck doing a chore! Despite putting up with all the “Cute doggie” comments from all the neighbors Jessica is surprised to meet a tall girl her own age described as perfectly groomed with a ‘straight skirt, stockings and a pretty quilted jacket’ very posh. We’ll learn about this girl later (See SVT #6 recap The New Girl) the important thing to note here is that it’s OK for Jessica to hate dogs but no one else in Sweet Valley can or they will be labeled as “unpleasant.”
Jessica thinks positive thoughts about Johnny Buck (find a happy place) and the wonderful concert she’ll soon be attending as soon as this terrible dog walking ordeal is over. When Lila calls Jessica (Hurry up, Jess, we gotta go!) Jessica cannot wait any longer for Mrs. Bramble to come relieve her of her charge plus she’s about to attend the biggest concert of the century and she doesn’t have a thing to wear! What will Jessica do? She packs Elizabeth’s new dress of course! The pale beige one with a scoop neck and raspberry jacket hmmm seems a little overdressed for a rock concert especially with the leather shoes. I’d totally wear the huge gold hoops though (the hoops are Liz’s B-day present for their Mom next month) But Dunt Dunt DUM! Mrs. Bramble phones and says she’ll be late getting back from her trip. This means Jessica will have to stay there at the Wakefield residence with Sally and (gasp!) miss the concert! Oh noes!
After hanging up Jessica does what any twelve year old would do, throws herself on her bed and cries as if her heart would break. But not for long. NOTHING, not rain nor snow nor sleet nor “dogs in the night” will keep Jessica from seeing Johnny Buck and Jessica feels she’s already earned every penny! It is now 2:30 in the afternoon and the concert is scheduled to begin in an hour and a half. That’s 4:00 pm PST. Wait a minute. What rock concert, that none of the parents of Sweet Valley won’t let anyone attend, starts at this insanely early hour anyway?
Jessica packs her overnight bag, ties poor Sally to the pine tree in the backyard, leaves a short note for her sister and is off to see the Buck. This is NOT in keeping with the cover art as Sally is shown being left behind by Jessica on the front porch!
Elizabeth arrives home to find Sally gone and begins a frantic search to find her before her parents and Mrs. B return. She tries calling Lila but the line is busy, and since this is before the era of cell phones, she walks over to the Fowler mansion instead. She learns Lila and Jessica are long gone to the concert and will not return until 8:30. That's 8:30PM! The ghostwriter has given them only four and half hours to attend this concert. Obviously this ghostwriter has never attended a rock concert! 8:30pm I’m still AT the concert waiting for the opening band to finish and the main act to come on and I NEVER get home until midnight at the latest what with parking and traffic and all.
Not to be discouraged by her twin's latest adventure, Elizabeth enlists Amy to help cover for Jessica and together they comb the neighborhood looking for the lost spaniel.
Meanwhile, Lila and Jessica are in the nosebleed section at the worst concert on earth. How come Bruce got front row tickets but Lila who is just as rich had to settle for last row? This concert really sucks. Despite the laser show, the girls are stuck in what has to be the worst seats. From where they’re sitting Johnny and his band are the size of ants, the sound is so terrible at this outdoor concert Jessica can hardly hear the fast, funny romp of “Saturday Blues”. Usually a rock concert at an outdoor venue sounds great no matter where you’re sitting. Jessica and Lila gush over how great Johnny sounds imagining his sweet, dreamy voice singing just for them...until Johnny’s mic goes out! The crowd isn’t very happy about this especially a lady behind the girls who spews forth a string of swearwords shocking everyone into stunned silence. Horrors! Apparently such language just isn’t spoken in Sweet Valley. For $25 they really got their money’s worth didn't they?
Jessica suddenly remembers her purpose for coming to the concert, so they can get Johnny’s autograph! Lila refuses, not wanting to venture down into the mosh pit and she has a point, there are rapists and murderers out there, they could be killed. But Jessica, blinded by all except her glittering fantasy of meeting Johnny Buck, heads for the stage, alone.
By now Johnny’s microphone has been fixed and everyone is on their feet, enjoying the music, having a great time. Struggling through the mob, Jessica wonders if she should’ve just stayed with Lila but she's already lost her friend in the crowd. Suddenly intermission comes. (Intermission at a rock concert?) The crowd is even thicker near the stage but hey, there’s Bruce Patman ready to make good on his Coke date with Jessica and they head for the yellow refreshment tents but before he has time to treat Jessica, Johnny and his band are suddenly back on stage playing Bruce’s all time favorite song “Forever Fever” which is enough to make Bruce forget all about Jessica’s famous connections and that refreshing beverage. He drops her like third period French, and heads back to his seat.
Jessica forges onward toward her goal of Johnny and that coveted autograph so she’ll be the envy of all in Sweet Valley. Stupid Jessica! She should just enjoy the concert.
Just then, Jessica notices something strange. A redhead is clutching an identical striped cap just like Jessica’s! Huh? Then, what should she see and hear but another group of girls chanting a lame cheer to Johnny ‘We love you Johnny, we love your style, you’ve got them all beat by a mile.” it sounds like a crappy Boosters cheer but more importanatly why are all THREE girls holding THREE striped caps? Weird.
As Jessica passes more and more fans she realizes at least fifty fans are holding and waving at least fifty identical striped caps Just! Like! Hers! (You monkeys you, you give me back my caps!) Jessica’s blood begins to boil. What, did he just give out caps like peanuts? Yes, dear Jessica, your beloved Johnny handed out fifty striped caps to fifty fans and your precious memento makes fifty-one! Nah nah!
“That phony!” is the worst thought Jessica can muster about her favorite singer. Take that Johnny! She’s now reached the stage apron and the concert is coming to an end but Johnny, without even a glance in Jessica direction, simply bows and runs off stage surrounded by bodyguards and a small man takes his place to hand out free photographs of the young singer, probably to make up for the technical difficulties earlier. The crowd is now pushing so hard that poor, overdressed Jessica, in her borrowed garb, losses her footing and falls to the wet grass. (Guess there really WAS a mosh pit after all) Her perfect evening now completely ruined she buries her face in her hands and sobs. Photo/publicity man spots her, gets the crowd to help her to her feet and she’s presented with one of the photos signed, as the little man assures, just for her 'by the Buck himself.' It reads “Keep on Rocking-from your friend Johnny Buck.” Yuck!
My thoughts exactly.
Realizing her dream of meeting Johnny and getting the precious cap personally autographed is now gone, Jessica reunites with Janet, Lila and her ride home. She gets no sympathy as they all sneer at her “So, did you meet Johnny?” and they LAUGH at Jessica’s “signed photograph” because Janet bought one just like it at the refreshment tent! Jessica silently vows to wait until she’s 21 before she attends another rock concert.
Meanwhile Elizabeth has been stalling and lying and covering up for her sister to Mrs. Wakefield and Mrs. Bramble while they all continue the search for the lost dog. Dear Mrs. Bramble even brought a small wrapped gift for Jessica to make up for her tardiness. Elizabeth feels worse and worse until she has an epiphany. Sally probably went home! She hopes this will buy enough time until “her adventurous twin” returns. Sure enough they find, lying in the middle of Mrs. Bramble’s front room a contented Sally safe and sound at home courtesy of her doggie door. Mystery solved!
Mrs. Wakefeild is insistent Jessica apologize in person for her carelessness-rushing off to spend the night at a friend’s house instead of finishing the job, and, she declares, Jessica will return every deceitfully earned penny back to Mrs. B. Oops! Since Elizabeth knows the truth, she volunteers to be the one to inform Jessica of this as they pull up to the Fowler driveway.
Elizabeth’s sympathy for what awaits her sister vanishes when Jessica answers the door (the Butler must still be at the concert) wearing Liz's dress and shoes now covered with grass stains and only one gold hoop earring! Elizabeth wants to strangle her! Jessica just pulls her inside, relieved that Elizabeth didn’t tell on her about the forbidden concert until Liz drops the bomb about the money she must return which is of course long gone “Don’t you have some money you could lend me?” Jessica begs “You know I don’t, you’re wearing the last money I had in the world on your left ear!” Ha!
In the car, Jessica apologizes but Mrs. Wakefield only lectures Jess about responsibility. She must go straight to Mrs. B and apologize in person.
Alone with Mrs. Bramble in her front room, Jessica tearfully apologizes again before breaking down and confessing everything to the sweet, kindly old lady: the forbidden Johnny Buck concert, the lost birthday earring, the $25 now blown on an evening she hadn’t even enjoyed and even her true feelings about dogs! Mrs. B pats her shoulder as Jessica sobs wishing she’d never even heard of "The Buck".
Oatmeal squares, tea, and sympathy all around as Mrs. B confesses about the time when SHE was a girl she went behind her mother’s back with a friend and they hennaed their hair and pierced their ears. Shocking! Jessica is so in awe she can’t believe anyone could stoop so low and agrees to walk Sally for one month to repay the money she owes. Here is one rare time Jessica does NOT get off scott free.
So, no one but Liz and Mrs. B. ever found out about Jessica sneaking out to attend the Johnny Buck concert. Jessica returns home and burns every single Johnny Buck item she owns. Ok, she doesn't but that’s what I would’ve done. Instead a truly contrite Jessica returns the striped cap to Elizabeth and presents Mrs. Bramble’s gift of a pretty bracelet of six slender black and silver bands held together with a silver catch for Mrs. Wakefield’s birthday present instead of keeping it for herself. Yay Jess!
The story wraps up when the twins see themselves reflected in the mirror one dressed smartly in a beige dress and jacket with loose flowing hair, the other in jeans and a pullover, hair in a casual fluff with brightly colored barrettes-identical but different. They giggle at themselves like a couple of two year olds and Jessica’s halo of repentance quickly disappears as she’s suddenly begging Liz to help her carry all of the dog stuff back to Mrs. B. Elizabeth just laughs because now she knows she’s got her crazy scheming sister back and know what? She’ll keep her!
And that’s the way the story ends until Jessica brings up the subject of their “disgusting” new neighbor…