SVH 3: Playing With Fire
I'm excited. I've been waiting (impatiently) for the SVH books I ordered on eBay to come. Why is the mail slow? Then today I went home to visit my parents for father's day and found a stash of books that my mother didn't throw away! Hurrah!
SVH #3: Playing With Fire
Liz and Todd are at the Sweet Valley High dance competition (if someone does "The Sprain," I will give them five dollars) when Jessica shows up late. Jessica has been elected "Fall Queen" and is supposed to be attending with the Fall King, Winston Egbert, but she's Jessica so she's not. As we're told repeatedly throughout the opening, Jessica wants to be with Bruce Patman. She also wants to win the dance contest. She starts off dancing with Winston but then ditches him for Bruce, and the two win the contest. I'm busy trying to decide if a dance contest counts as a dance for our tally of how many dances SVH has every year.
Next they go to a party, of course! Ken Matthews is having a party at his house. Dance, party, dance, party is life in Sweet Valley. Liz doesn't like how Jessica fawns over over Bruce, and thinks she's acting too meek. Bruce tells a story about how he got pulled over and bribed the cop out of a ticket with a $20. Only a $20?! I thought he was rich? I wouldn't let him out of a citizen's arrest for $20.
They go swimming at the lake and, while kissing, Bruce removes Jessica's bikini top. I remember being scandalized by this as a tween. I clutched my pearls.
Liz doesn't like Bruce. Jess thinks he's just super, thank you very much. Liz is worried because Jess was out all night with him (but the Wakefield parents are apparently unconcerned). Liz and Jess fight. Liz cries, like always. I yawn.
Bruce then proceeds to do so many controlling/nasty things during the course of his short relationship with Jessica that I think he must really have been actively trying to out-douche himself. Some of the positively, no-good, horrible, dirty examples:
Bruce makes Jessica skip class to make out (Imagine! High schoolers not going to class!) He calls her "sweet thing" (evil)
He gets grouchy when she's good at tennis so she is forced (forced!) to lose on purpose
She fails her chemistry test because she was too busy making out with him to study, and then foolishly decided to cheat off Emily, who didn't study either (see B Plot).
Makes her miss cheerleading practice
Makes her skip a "big game" (seems like there are an awful lot of those too)
Doesn't approve of the cheer uniform and pressures her to wear blazers and oxford shirts. (Because he's seventy)
Has her blow of Robin and Winston, respectively (not sure she wouldn't do this anyway)
Calls her away from babysitting Mr. Collins' son, Teddy (which is makes Robin do)
Tells her how to cheat at chemistry if she just steals the tests (which she makes Robin do)
Finally, Bruce has a birthday party (Yay, another party; it's been so long since we had one!), except he tells Jessica they're going to spend his birthday alone. Surprise! Then he pulls the sick grandma routine and says he has to leave and will take Jessica home. Liz volunteers Todd to take her instead, knowing that Bruce has no intention of going home and was just trying to get rid of Jess. Todd and Liz are really bad liars but somehow Jessica falls for their "I want to look at the stars/Oh I left my keys" excuses. Naturally, when they go back to the party Bruce is there with another girl.
Jessica gets mad (finally!) and throws pizza in his face, then dumps soda on him. And, in a final act of revenge, she lets the air of of 1bruce1's tires. She then leaves with Winston, an act of selfishness and leading him on that signifies that the old Jessica is back. Somehow Liz is happy about this, even though she professes to be Win's friend.
In case we didn't get it that Jess is normally a bitch, Robin then excitedly tells Liz how Jessica has promised to nominate her for that sorority. I wonder how that will go.
Some guy comes to the dance contest to watch the Droids play. He's says he's a talent agent who wants to represent them. Liz, as always, is concerned. (I think she's so concerned all the time her face must just be stuck like that.) She volunteers to write some article on their success for The Oracle and brings trusty boyfriend Todd and also Robin (who she feels bad for because Jessica keeps blowing her off) and Winston Egbert (ditto). Robin has a crush on Winston. He likes Jessica though. Bizarrely, he explains why he doesn't like Robin to Liz as "I get nervous around people who eat all the time." Dear, ghost writer: We get it. She's fat.
When they get to the "gig," they discover it's at a dive bar. TBT doesn't like the looks of the place. But then he does stop to admire a motorcycle and tells Liz, "When I get my bike, you'll see how much fun they are." Which, haha.
But when the newspaper appears on shelves, someone has (oh noes!) added something about Bruce to the Eyes and Ears column without alerting Liz. She is upset, as she is about everything. Penny, the editor, deduces that it was John Pfeifer, who you'll remember is evil and tries to rape girls so he has no qualms about messing with the paper. He's friends with Bruce and sort of admits that Bruce has another girl. This makes Liz, you guessed it, concerned.
Meanwhile, the Droids are very busy. They're also in-fighting and it turns out one of their members, Guy is a total tool. Emily has trouble at school because she's practicing so much. Jess gives her the stolen chemistry test she got from Robin and tells Emily to cheat and Jessica will copy off of her which seems kind of nervy, but then it's Jessica.
Emily decides she can't be a cheater (she'll never make it in show business) and tells the teacher she had the test. He yells at her and Jessica flunks, though Emily doesn't rat Jess out, which I totally would have done because I'm a tattler.
But then it turns out the talent agent dude was a scam; he just wanted to sleep with Dana. No super stardom for the Droids. You'd think Emily would be more upset about this after all she's sacrificed but she's not. She's almost as annoyingly upbeat at Liz.
SVH #3: Playing With Fire
Liz and Todd are at the Sweet Valley High dance competition (if someone does "The Sprain," I will give them five dollars) when Jessica shows up late. Jessica has been elected "Fall Queen" and is supposed to be attending with the Fall King, Winston Egbert, but she's Jessica so she's not. As we're told repeatedly throughout the opening, Jessica wants to be with Bruce Patman. She also wants to win the dance contest. She starts off dancing with Winston but then ditches him for Bruce, and the two win the contest. I'm busy trying to decide if a dance contest counts as a dance for our tally of how many dances SVH has every year.
Next they go to a party, of course! Ken Matthews is having a party at his house. Dance, party, dance, party is life in Sweet Valley. Liz doesn't like how Jessica fawns over over Bruce, and thinks she's acting too meek. Bruce tells a story about how he got pulled over and bribed the cop out of a ticket with a $20. Only a $20?! I thought he was rich? I wouldn't let him out of a citizen's arrest for $20.
They go swimming at the lake and, while kissing, Bruce removes Jessica's bikini top. I remember being scandalized by this as a tween. I clutched my pearls.
Liz doesn't like Bruce. Jess thinks he's just super, thank you very much. Liz is worried because Jess was out all night with him (but the Wakefield parents are apparently unconcerned). Liz and Jess fight. Liz cries, like always. I yawn.
Bruce then proceeds to do so many controlling/nasty things during the course of his short relationship with Jessica that I think he must really have been actively trying to out-douche himself. Some of the positively, no-good, horrible, dirty examples:
Finally, Bruce has a birthday party (Yay, another party; it's been so long since we had one!), except he tells Jessica they're going to spend his birthday alone. Surprise! Then he pulls the sick grandma routine and says he has to leave and will take Jessica home. Liz volunteers Todd to take her instead, knowing that Bruce has no intention of going home and was just trying to get rid of Jess. Todd and Liz are really bad liars but somehow Jessica falls for their "I want to look at the stars/Oh I left my keys" excuses. Naturally, when they go back to the party Bruce is there with another girl.
Jessica gets mad (finally!) and throws pizza in his face, then dumps soda on him. And, in a final act of revenge, she lets the air of of 1bruce1's tires. She then leaves with Winston, an act of selfishness and leading him on that signifies that the old Jessica is back. Somehow Liz is happy about this, even though she professes to be Win's friend.
In case we didn't get it that Jess is normally a bitch, Robin then excitedly tells Liz how Jessica has promised to nominate her for that sorority. I wonder how that will go.
Some guy comes to the dance contest to watch the Droids play. He's says he's a talent agent who wants to represent them. Liz, as always, is concerned. (I think she's so concerned all the time her face must just be stuck like that.) She volunteers to write some article on their success for The Oracle and brings trusty boyfriend Todd and also Robin (who she feels bad for because Jessica keeps blowing her off) and Winston Egbert (ditto). Robin has a crush on Winston. He likes Jessica though. Bizarrely, he explains why he doesn't like Robin to Liz as "I get nervous around people who eat all the time." Dear, ghost writer: We get it. She's fat.
When they get to the "gig," they discover it's at a dive bar. TBT doesn't like the looks of the place. But then he does stop to admire a motorcycle and tells Liz, "When I get my bike, you'll see how much fun they are." Which, haha.
But when the newspaper appears on shelves, someone has (oh noes!) added something about Bruce to the Eyes and Ears column without alerting Liz. She is upset, as she is about everything. Penny, the editor, deduces that it was John Pfeifer, who you'll remember is evil and tries to rape girls so he has no qualms about messing with the paper. He's friends with Bruce and sort of admits that Bruce has another girl. This makes Liz, you guessed it, concerned.
Meanwhile, the Droids are very busy. They're also in-fighting and it turns out one of their members, Guy is a total tool. Emily has trouble at school because she's practicing so much. Jess gives her the stolen chemistry test she got from Robin and tells Emily to cheat and Jessica will copy off of her which seems kind of nervy, but then it's Jessica.
Emily decides she can't be a cheater (she'll never make it in show business) and tells the teacher she had the test. He yells at her and Jessica flunks, though Emily doesn't rat Jess out, which I totally would have done because I'm a tattler.
But then it turns out the talent agent dude was a scam; he just wanted to sleep with Dana. No super stardom for the Droids. You'd think Emily would be more upset about this after all she's sacrificed but she's not. She's almost as annoyingly upbeat at Liz.