Sweet Valley High #77: Cheating to Win
Sweet Valley High #77: Cheating to Win
When I recapped the saga of Aaron Dallas’s rage, I was pretty disappointed that there were no steroids involved. Then I found this one! It says right on the back that some weight lifter gives track star Tony Esteban “magic vitamins” to help him run faster, and how could I pass that up?
Check it out. That’s Annie, the formerly promiscuous suicidal cheerleader. She looks like a Pentecostal homeschooler. And I guess the guy is Tony. Wasn’t he engaged to Winston’s girlfriend Maria one time, and a control freak to her?
The book starts, as so many do, in the SVH cafeteria. Todd and Liz eat lunch alone while Todd complains that they never get time alone. Er. You’re alone right now, Toddster. Enjoy it instead of complaining. He makes Liz swear to spend time with him and only him. She does, but all that flies right out of her head when Roger Barrett-Patman, whose last name has a hyphen today, plops down at their table. He’s exhausted from track practice: they have a big meet in seven weeks, and little meets every weekend until then. The whole team is training really hard, but apparently Olympic scouts are coming to check out Tony Esteban. Is that really how it works?
A bunch of people just quit the paper, so John Pfieffer (sneer!) has drafted Liz to help him write sports stuff. She decides to focus on the track team, especially Tony.
Roger tells Todd and Liz that he’s about to have a houseguest. Poor dead Mama Barrett had a friend named Denise Ferguson from LA. Her thirteen year old kid, Mitch, has fallen in with a rough crowd at his school and just got suspended for five weeks for drinking. (Cue a sanctimonious head-shake from Saint Elizabeth.) Denise asked Roger if Mitch could stay with him during that time to (a) get him away from his rough friends, and (b) give him a positive male role model. Hank and Marie apparently agreed to this. Denise is trying to get the kid away from bad influences so she’s shipping him off to stay with Bruce Patman for a month? Great idea! Roger’s having a barbeque for Mitch that Friday, and Liz says she and Todd will be there. Todd gets pissed off because Liz had just sworn to spend the weekend with him and only him! Creepy.
When Todd and Liz get to the Patmans’, Bruce answers the door and welcomes them to “Roger’s Rescue a Hoodlum Barbeque.” Oh, okay. Hee. I laughed. Mitch has an earring and is wearing a t-shirt for a band none of the SVH kids have ever heard of. He’s pretty surly, but Roger understands. Apparently Mitch is obsessed with music but Marie flipped out and screamed at him when he tried to put a poster of his favorite band up in his guest room. Well, geez. He’s going to be there for five weeks. That seems kind of extreme of her. Would a poster really hurt anything?
Mitch won’t really talk to anyone, but Liz notices that he does seem to pay attention when Tony and Roger talk about track. At one point, he yawns rudely and Tony says, “Cut it out, Mitch. I’m telling a story.” Mitch shapes up instantly.
On the way home, Annie tells Tony he should try to help Mitch while Mitch is in town, because Roger won’t have a firm enough hand with him. Well, duh. Roger is sixteen years old. Shouldn’t this be Hank and Marie’s job? Tony says he’ll think about it, and he and Annie make out.
Tony stops by the gym to get a stopwatch he left in his locker and a weightlifter named Lou invites him to the Beach Disco. Lou is a wrestler at SVU who has won national competitions and taken an interest in Tony’s running career, but Tony doesn’t really like him that much. Lou sounds kind of like To Catch a Predator, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Backstory on Tony’s dad: he was a football player at UCSD who was going to go pro. But Grandma Esteban got sick and Pa Esteban had to drop out of college to work to pay the medical bills, thus losing his chance at the pros. So, he’s obsessed with Tony’s running career and works overtime shifts to pay Tony’s membership at a fancy gym, and only ever wants to talk about track practice. It gets on Tony’s nerves, but then he feels guilty for not appreciating all his dad’s sacrifices.
At Saturday’s track meet against Big Mesa, Todd pouts because he and Elizabeth are sitting with other people instead of by themselves. An Olympic scout is in the audience. Tony easily wins all his races, but when it’s time for the 220, he falls just as he’s about to cross the finish line. At the hospital, the doctor says he’s torn a tendon, but it should be okay in a week if he doesn’t put any weight on it, and 100% better in a month. Wow. That seems awfully fast for a tendon! Tony and his dad both flip out: Pa Esteban because this is a VERY IMPORTANT SEASON for Tony so the leg MUST HEAL NOW, and Tony because, if this track season doesn’t go well, it will ruin his dad’s life. Annie and Ma Esteban think Tony should relax and take things one day at a time. His dad has a meltdown.
Little Mitch has Roger give Tony a mix tape of some of his punky music with a note that says, “Sorry you hurt your leg. Get better soon.” Aw! Tony’s getting stir crazy so he goes to the gym to use the whirlpool. Lou and his wrestler friends are sympathetic, and one of the wrestlers is like, “Give him some of your magic vitamins!” Tony’s like, “Wha?” and Lou, sort of embarrassed, is like, “Oh, no, you don’t really need them. They’re for bulking up.” Tony’s like, “Gee whiz! I’ve never heard of vitamins that can do that!” Hee. Lou mumbles that they’re not really vitamins, but if Tony’s knee starts taking too long to heal, he should let Lou know. They might help.
After only two days, Tony’s frantic. He really doesn’t know what it’ll do to his dad to have the track season cut short like this. Annie’s worried that Tony will start running too soon and turn a minor injury into a major one. I don’t know, Annie, tearing a tendon sounds pretty major to me already. She organizes a mini golf game to take Tony’s mind off of his injury. Liz and Todd come, and Roger brings Mitch. Mitch bitches because he’s never heard of mini golf - Say what? Who’s never heard of mini golf? - but Tony basically tells him to shut up whining and Mitch winds up having a great time. Todd gets all passive-aggressive because he’d wanted to go on a bike ride with Liz but she made these plans instead. She’s like, “Um, okay, we’ll talk later,” and he snaps, “Yeah, right, maybe we can invite the whole junior class to talk it over with us.” WTF? Why does he want to get her alone so badly? Watch out, Liz.
Roger goes to Tony’s house to ask a favor. Apparently the help found an empty beer bottle in Mitch’s bedroom. Marie flipped out and wanted to send him right back to LA. Hank sort of disagrees, but is backing her up. Nobody knows where he got the beer, but I bet Bruce gave it to him. Were there any paper cups nearby?
Roger convinced Hank and Marie to give Mitch a second chance, but none of them can get through to Mitch. Roger asks Tony to talk to him, since Tony seems like the only person Mitch respects. Tony agrees to take Mitch to the track meet and ream him out. That seems really irresponsible. I mean, looking at Bruce, we know that firm parenting isn’t really the Patmans’ strong point, but this kid is their responsibility. Not Roger’s, and certainly not Tony’s.
Anyway, at the track meet Tony sits with Mitch and is like, “There are good reasons for rules, even if you think they’re stupid, blah blah blah, you’re only thirteen so drinking is illegal, blah blah, it won’t solve your problems, blah.” Mitch promises to never drink again (Wow. That was easy.), and Tony suggests he visit Project Youth. No, Mitch! Not Project Youth! They’ll just make you more messed up than you already are!
The doctor tells Tony he can run again, but to work back up to his former training regimen slowly, and maybe come back for a cortisone injection in a few weeks if his knee still hurts. Tony’s like, “Whatever.” He’s just thrilled he can go back to practice. But when he sprints for Roger, his times are awful. He can’t believe his skill has gone so far downhill in just a week! He has to do something!
At the gym, Lou asks Tony if he’s interested in the magic vitamins, which he gets from a doctor upstate. Tony says all his doctor will give him is a mild painkiller, and Lou’s like, “Uh…yeah…well, the rules are different in the north of the state compared to the south.” Tony’s such a bonehead. He asks, “If they’re so great, why hasn’t my doctor given me any?” Lou peer pressures him some more, and when Tony finally asks what the pills are, exactly, Lou’s like, “I’m too dumb to remember long medical names. Just call them magic vitamins.” Tony finally gives in and pays him ten dollars for some, all the while thinking they’d better be worth it, considering how expensive they are. HA! Oh, 1991.
The next day at school, Tony picks Annie up and runs around with her. When she says he’s supposed to be taking it easy, he’s like, “I’m starting track practice again! My knee is all better!” She does not find that at all suspicious.
Liz tries to make a date with Todd, and he’s like, “Whatever. I’m going out with my friends. I’ll call you.” What a baby.
Tony’s practices go really well all week. He even beats his own best time in the 220. He stops by the gym after to buy some more pills from Lou, who says he can get Tony a month’s worth for $100. Tony kind of freaks at the cost, but decides it’s worth it. Lou gets a little threatening like, “You’d better have the money or I’ll fuck you up.” With all the intimidation going on, Tony forgets to ask him what, exactly, is in these magic vitamins of his.
Tony’s thinking of dumping Annie, because she’s getting in the way of his focus. His dad thinks the time’s not right for him to have a girlfriend, and he’s starting to agree. Roger thinks Tony’s being a dick for letting his dad run his love life, but Tony tells him off, coldly thinking that Roger doesn’t understand because he doesn’t have a dad. Wow. Gross.
Todd starts breaking dates with Liz with no explanation. When she asks him to talk about it, he won’t. How mature. It makes her sad, and Jess is like, “He’s just passive-aggressively getting revenge on you for never having time to be alone with him lately. Kidnap him and take him to Miller’s Point.” Liz thinks it’s a brilliant idea. No way Todd will stay mad when she has her tongue in his mouth! It doesn’t work, though: when she tries to get him to go stargazing at some canyon, he makes plans for them to go the Dairi Burger instead.
Roger and Tony overhear some guys on the track team talking about a swimmer at SVU who got kicked off the team for taking steroids. “Holy smokes!” Tony thinks. “Could that be what these magic vitamins are? I’d better not take any more until I find out!” Oh, for pete’s sake.
At the Dairi Burger, Annie tells Liz and Enid she thinks she and Tony will break up. He’s too intense and aggressive about running, and keeps acting like he thinks she’s annoying. They’re sympathetic. Mitch hangs adoringly on Tony’s every word about running, even when Tony starts picking apart Roger’s form. Roger gets kind of pissed, as anyone would be. When Tony drives Annie home, he begs her to be patient with him, because he really likes her and he knows he’s been a jerk lately, and she reluctantly agrees. I like Annie. Tony realizes that he’s just gone directly against his father’s wishes, since his dad wanted him to dump Annie, and it makes him uneasy because his father is always right. But if he was wrong about Annie, maybe he’s also wrong about winning being the most important thing in the world? Gasp! Shock! Tony’s not the brightest bulb. And he’s also out of magic vitamins.
Tony confronts Lou about what’s in the pills, and Lou is like, “If you want to be a customer, always pay cash and never ask questions.” Tony knows then that the pills must be illegal, or else Lou would’ve just told him what they were. But he thinks of his dad and the Olympic scout and reluctantly agrees. He promises himself that, once the season is over, he’ll never touch another pill again. That’s what they all say.
Todd asks Winston for help in kidnapping Liz and delivering her somewhere for a romantic date. He’s like, “Tie her up, blindfold, the works,” and Winston agrees. Um. Guys, Liz was kidnapped like that in real life. Post traumatic stress much? Not cute or romantic.
During a race at track practice that afternoon, Roger pulls ahead of Tony and Tony pushes him. Dude! It throws Roger off enough that Tony beats him, but they almost have a fight. And their times are both crap. Tony’s glad he’s getting more vitamins that day.
The next day, Liz complains to Enid and Annie about how Todd keeps avoiding her. She tells them Jess’s kidnapping plan, and Annie offers a loan of her guidebook of romantic restaurants. Why does she have one of those? Hee! How weird! It’s in Tony’s locker, so the girls all troop off to get it. While she’s rooting around for the guidebook, Annie finds a big bottle of pills, enough for a month. She’s like, “What could these be? He’s finished taking all the pills his doctor gave him!” Enid and Liz are like, “Just get the guidebook and let’s get out of here,” but Annie surreptitiously pockets one of the magic vitamins, determined to find out what they are. And what if they were a legitimate prescription, nosy? Breaking into your boyfriend’s locker and stealing his medicine? Nice.
Liz picks a romantic restaurant from Annie’s book, and Winston overhears her telling Enid and Annie about it. It’s a really long scene, but that’s all that happens.
The whole group goes bowling, and when Mitch accidentally steps over the line Tony completely loses his shit, screaming that Mitch is a cheater. Mitch is crushed.
Annie gives the magic vitamin to her cousin, who is apparently a grad student in biochem at SVU. Her cousin does an analysis on it and tells Annie the pill is a steroid. She gives a really long After School Special type speech (It begins, “Annie, have you ever heard of steroids?” and Annie replies, “I…I think so.” Snerk.) about all the negative side effects of steroids. The cousin finishes up by saying, “You have a responsibility to make your friend stop taking these.” Wow! No she doesn’t! But okay! Annie calls Tony over to her house to tell him she knows about the steroids, and he screams at her and leaves. Annie is like, “Well, crap. Now what do I do?” She thinks about telling the track coach or Pa Esteban, which is what she should do, so of course she decides not to. She lurves Tony! She can’t turn him in! She’ll just have to get him to quit on his own!
You all are going to love this. It’s so absurd. The next day at school, Annie spills her guts to Saint Elizabeth and Roger. Roger can’t believe Tony would knowingly take steroids, so he figures Tony doesn’t know what they are. He has a brilliant plan to get Tony to stop, though! Annie should switch his pills with placeboes! Tony will never realize the difference, and he’ll stop taking steroids without even knowing it! Liz practically wets herself over this suggestion: it’s the most brilliant, most genius plan she’s ever heard! Annie is a little skeptical, but agrees to try. She has her biochem cousin make some fake pills that look exactly like the real ones, and she and Liz do the switch.
Mitch is going back to LA, but he’s using the money he saved for a new bike to come back to Sweet Valley in two weeks to watch Tony at the track finals. Tony apologizes to Mitch for freaking out at the bowling alley, and Mitch is like, “I’m sure I stepped over the line. I mess up all the time. I deserved it.” Tony feels like shit, and it gets even worse when Mitch is like, “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what you said about drinking, and how rules are there to protect me. I won’t drink again. I wish I could be like you.” I’m not making that up. Tony almost cries, he feels so guilty about the steroids.
Liz gets ready for her kidnappy date with Todd. She’s just about to leave when Winston shows up, frantic. He says, “You’ve got to come with me right now! Todd’s been in a motorcycle accident!” Oh my God, that's probably the most dickish thing he could’ve said to her. She flips out, of course, and runs to the car. Winston pulls into a gas station because his car is almost empty, and when Liz gets out he grabs her, blindfolds her, ties her up, and tosses her in the backseat.
And then she has a nervous breakdown, since in the space of half an hour he’s managed to make her relive all the most traumatic events of her life so far. No, not really, she actually just curses him out and he tells her to shut up. A resilient girl, that Liz.
Winston drives her to the romantic restaurant Liz had found in Annie’s book, and when they get there, Enid and Annie are delivering a blindfolded, kidnapped Todd at the same time. After some “witty” “banter” in the parking lot, the three kids leave, and Liz and Todd have a romantic dinner together. Todd never apologizes for being a whiny baby. I know you all find that shocking, but try to cope.
Pa Esteban tells Tony that everyone from his work is coming to the meet to watch him run and blathers about the Olympics. He’s like, “Sometimes I feel as if it’s me on the track!” Has there ever been anyone with so little self-awareness? This man is a walking, talking stereotype. Tony, feeling like crap, goes upstairs and pops another placebo.
At the gym, Tony overhears a guy crying to Lou about getting kicked off the SVU swim team for steroids. Lou is like, “How dumb are you, taking one in front of your coach? Duh!” Tony can’t deny the truth of the magic vitamins to himself anymore. He knows he has to tell the coach: he has no right to participate in the county meet if he was juiced in the qualifying races. But first, he leaves to tell his dad.
Tony confesses to his father, and in the space of four sentences, Pa Esteban goes from, “How could you!” to, “I’m sorry, this is all my fault for living vicariously through your track career.” That was easy. Tony goes to talk to Annie, who tells him that she already knew, and fills him in on the biochem cousin and the fact that he’s been taking placeboes for a week. Tony’s stunned, and leaves to talk to the coach. He makes a chart explaining when he started the steroids and when he stopped them - there’s something so adorably dorky about that - and gives the coach Lou’s name for the police.
The coach arranges for Tony to take a bunch of blood tests, and it turns out he was only actually taking the steroids for, like, two weeks. Not long enough to influence his performance at all. Any benefits he might have had were psychological. So, he can run in the All-County meet after all! He goes back to Annie’s house and they make out. Say hey for no consequences! And Tony wins the meet! And Mitch is there, cheering for him! Everyone is happy!
As a lead in to the next book, a kid named Scott Trost had been on academic probation, but has just been reinstated as the SVH second-string quarterback. And he’s a sexist pig. Liz, Enid, and Annie hate how he treats girls, but Todd and Winston say he’s an okay guy and it’s mostly an act. Why would you act like you hate girls? Is that cute or something?
The End.
When I recapped the saga of Aaron Dallas’s rage, I was pretty disappointed that there were no steroids involved. Then I found this one! It says right on the back that some weight lifter gives track star Tony Esteban “magic vitamins” to help him run faster, and how could I pass that up?
Check it out. That’s Annie, the formerly promiscuous suicidal cheerleader. She looks like a Pentecostal homeschooler. And I guess the guy is Tony. Wasn’t he engaged to Winston’s girlfriend Maria one time, and a control freak to her?
The book starts, as so many do, in the SVH cafeteria. Todd and Liz eat lunch alone while Todd complains that they never get time alone. Er. You’re alone right now, Toddster. Enjoy it instead of complaining. He makes Liz swear to spend time with him and only him. She does, but all that flies right out of her head when Roger Barrett-Patman, whose last name has a hyphen today, plops down at their table. He’s exhausted from track practice: they have a big meet in seven weeks, and little meets every weekend until then. The whole team is training really hard, but apparently Olympic scouts are coming to check out Tony Esteban. Is that really how it works?
A bunch of people just quit the paper, so John Pfieffer (sneer!) has drafted Liz to help him write sports stuff. She decides to focus on the track team, especially Tony.
Roger tells Todd and Liz that he’s about to have a houseguest. Poor dead Mama Barrett had a friend named Denise Ferguson from LA. Her thirteen year old kid, Mitch, has fallen in with a rough crowd at his school and just got suspended for five weeks for drinking. (Cue a sanctimonious head-shake from Saint Elizabeth.) Denise asked Roger if Mitch could stay with him during that time to (a) get him away from his rough friends, and (b) give him a positive male role model. Hank and Marie apparently agreed to this. Denise is trying to get the kid away from bad influences so she’s shipping him off to stay with Bruce Patman for a month? Great idea! Roger’s having a barbeque for Mitch that Friday, and Liz says she and Todd will be there. Todd gets pissed off because Liz had just sworn to spend the weekend with him and only him! Creepy.
When Todd and Liz get to the Patmans’, Bruce answers the door and welcomes them to “Roger’s Rescue a Hoodlum Barbeque.” Oh, okay. Hee. I laughed. Mitch has an earring and is wearing a t-shirt for a band none of the SVH kids have ever heard of. He’s pretty surly, but Roger understands. Apparently Mitch is obsessed with music but Marie flipped out and screamed at him when he tried to put a poster of his favorite band up in his guest room. Well, geez. He’s going to be there for five weeks. That seems kind of extreme of her. Would a poster really hurt anything?
Mitch won’t really talk to anyone, but Liz notices that he does seem to pay attention when Tony and Roger talk about track. At one point, he yawns rudely and Tony says, “Cut it out, Mitch. I’m telling a story.” Mitch shapes up instantly.
On the way home, Annie tells Tony he should try to help Mitch while Mitch is in town, because Roger won’t have a firm enough hand with him. Well, duh. Roger is sixteen years old. Shouldn’t this be Hank and Marie’s job? Tony says he’ll think about it, and he and Annie make out.
Tony stops by the gym to get a stopwatch he left in his locker and a weightlifter named Lou invites him to the Beach Disco. Lou is a wrestler at SVU who has won national competitions and taken an interest in Tony’s running career, but Tony doesn’t really like him that much. Lou sounds kind of like To Catch a Predator, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Backstory on Tony’s dad: he was a football player at UCSD who was going to go pro. But Grandma Esteban got sick and Pa Esteban had to drop out of college to work to pay the medical bills, thus losing his chance at the pros. So, he’s obsessed with Tony’s running career and works overtime shifts to pay Tony’s membership at a fancy gym, and only ever wants to talk about track practice. It gets on Tony’s nerves, but then he feels guilty for not appreciating all his dad’s sacrifices.
At Saturday’s track meet against Big Mesa, Todd pouts because he and Elizabeth are sitting with other people instead of by themselves. An Olympic scout is in the audience. Tony easily wins all his races, but when it’s time for the 220, he falls just as he’s about to cross the finish line. At the hospital, the doctor says he’s torn a tendon, but it should be okay in a week if he doesn’t put any weight on it, and 100% better in a month. Wow. That seems awfully fast for a tendon! Tony and his dad both flip out: Pa Esteban because this is a VERY IMPORTANT SEASON for Tony so the leg MUST HEAL NOW, and Tony because, if this track season doesn’t go well, it will ruin his dad’s life. Annie and Ma Esteban think Tony should relax and take things one day at a time. His dad has a meltdown.
Little Mitch has Roger give Tony a mix tape of some of his punky music with a note that says, “Sorry you hurt your leg. Get better soon.” Aw! Tony’s getting stir crazy so he goes to the gym to use the whirlpool. Lou and his wrestler friends are sympathetic, and one of the wrestlers is like, “Give him some of your magic vitamins!” Tony’s like, “Wha?” and Lou, sort of embarrassed, is like, “Oh, no, you don’t really need them. They’re for bulking up.” Tony’s like, “Gee whiz! I’ve never heard of vitamins that can do that!” Hee. Lou mumbles that they’re not really vitamins, but if Tony’s knee starts taking too long to heal, he should let Lou know. They might help.
After only two days, Tony’s frantic. He really doesn’t know what it’ll do to his dad to have the track season cut short like this. Annie’s worried that Tony will start running too soon and turn a minor injury into a major one. I don’t know, Annie, tearing a tendon sounds pretty major to me already. She organizes a mini golf game to take Tony’s mind off of his injury. Liz and Todd come, and Roger brings Mitch. Mitch bitches because he’s never heard of mini golf - Say what? Who’s never heard of mini golf? - but Tony basically tells him to shut up whining and Mitch winds up having a great time. Todd gets all passive-aggressive because he’d wanted to go on a bike ride with Liz but she made these plans instead. She’s like, “Um, okay, we’ll talk later,” and he snaps, “Yeah, right, maybe we can invite the whole junior class to talk it over with us.” WTF? Why does he want to get her alone so badly? Watch out, Liz.
Roger goes to Tony’s house to ask a favor. Apparently the help found an empty beer bottle in Mitch’s bedroom. Marie flipped out and wanted to send him right back to LA. Hank sort of disagrees, but is backing her up. Nobody knows where he got the beer, but I bet Bruce gave it to him. Were there any paper cups nearby?
Roger convinced Hank and Marie to give Mitch a second chance, but none of them can get through to Mitch. Roger asks Tony to talk to him, since Tony seems like the only person Mitch respects. Tony agrees to take Mitch to the track meet and ream him out. That seems really irresponsible. I mean, looking at Bruce, we know that firm parenting isn’t really the Patmans’ strong point, but this kid is their responsibility. Not Roger’s, and certainly not Tony’s.
Anyway, at the track meet Tony sits with Mitch and is like, “There are good reasons for rules, even if you think they’re stupid, blah blah blah, you’re only thirteen so drinking is illegal, blah blah, it won’t solve your problems, blah.” Mitch promises to never drink again (Wow. That was easy.), and Tony suggests he visit Project Youth. No, Mitch! Not Project Youth! They’ll just make you more messed up than you already are!
The doctor tells Tony he can run again, but to work back up to his former training regimen slowly, and maybe come back for a cortisone injection in a few weeks if his knee still hurts. Tony’s like, “Whatever.” He’s just thrilled he can go back to practice. But when he sprints for Roger, his times are awful. He can’t believe his skill has gone so far downhill in just a week! He has to do something!
At the gym, Lou asks Tony if he’s interested in the magic vitamins, which he gets from a doctor upstate. Tony says all his doctor will give him is a mild painkiller, and Lou’s like, “Uh…yeah…well, the rules are different in the north of the state compared to the south.” Tony’s such a bonehead. He asks, “If they’re so great, why hasn’t my doctor given me any?” Lou peer pressures him some more, and when Tony finally asks what the pills are, exactly, Lou’s like, “I’m too dumb to remember long medical names. Just call them magic vitamins.” Tony finally gives in and pays him ten dollars for some, all the while thinking they’d better be worth it, considering how expensive they are. HA! Oh, 1991.
The next day at school, Tony picks Annie up and runs around with her. When she says he’s supposed to be taking it easy, he’s like, “I’m starting track practice again! My knee is all better!” She does not find that at all suspicious.
Liz tries to make a date with Todd, and he’s like, “Whatever. I’m going out with my friends. I’ll call you.” What a baby.
Tony’s practices go really well all week. He even beats his own best time in the 220. He stops by the gym after to buy some more pills from Lou, who says he can get Tony a month’s worth for $100. Tony kind of freaks at the cost, but decides it’s worth it. Lou gets a little threatening like, “You’d better have the money or I’ll fuck you up.” With all the intimidation going on, Tony forgets to ask him what, exactly, is in these magic vitamins of his.
Tony’s thinking of dumping Annie, because she’s getting in the way of his focus. His dad thinks the time’s not right for him to have a girlfriend, and he’s starting to agree. Roger thinks Tony’s being a dick for letting his dad run his love life, but Tony tells him off, coldly thinking that Roger doesn’t understand because he doesn’t have a dad. Wow. Gross.
Todd starts breaking dates with Liz with no explanation. When she asks him to talk about it, he won’t. How mature. It makes her sad, and Jess is like, “He’s just passive-aggressively getting revenge on you for never having time to be alone with him lately. Kidnap him and take him to Miller’s Point.” Liz thinks it’s a brilliant idea. No way Todd will stay mad when she has her tongue in his mouth! It doesn’t work, though: when she tries to get him to go stargazing at some canyon, he makes plans for them to go the Dairi Burger instead.
Roger and Tony overhear some guys on the track team talking about a swimmer at SVU who got kicked off the team for taking steroids. “Holy smokes!” Tony thinks. “Could that be what these magic vitamins are? I’d better not take any more until I find out!” Oh, for pete’s sake.
At the Dairi Burger, Annie tells Liz and Enid she thinks she and Tony will break up. He’s too intense and aggressive about running, and keeps acting like he thinks she’s annoying. They’re sympathetic. Mitch hangs adoringly on Tony’s every word about running, even when Tony starts picking apart Roger’s form. Roger gets kind of pissed, as anyone would be. When Tony drives Annie home, he begs her to be patient with him, because he really likes her and he knows he’s been a jerk lately, and she reluctantly agrees. I like Annie. Tony realizes that he’s just gone directly against his father’s wishes, since his dad wanted him to dump Annie, and it makes him uneasy because his father is always right. But if he was wrong about Annie, maybe he’s also wrong about winning being the most important thing in the world? Gasp! Shock! Tony’s not the brightest bulb. And he’s also out of magic vitamins.
Tony confronts Lou about what’s in the pills, and Lou is like, “If you want to be a customer, always pay cash and never ask questions.” Tony knows then that the pills must be illegal, or else Lou would’ve just told him what they were. But he thinks of his dad and the Olympic scout and reluctantly agrees. He promises himself that, once the season is over, he’ll never touch another pill again. That’s what they all say.
Todd asks Winston for help in kidnapping Liz and delivering her somewhere for a romantic date. He’s like, “Tie her up, blindfold, the works,” and Winston agrees. Um. Guys, Liz was kidnapped like that in real life. Post traumatic stress much? Not cute or romantic.
During a race at track practice that afternoon, Roger pulls ahead of Tony and Tony pushes him. Dude! It throws Roger off enough that Tony beats him, but they almost have a fight. And their times are both crap. Tony’s glad he’s getting more vitamins that day.
The next day, Liz complains to Enid and Annie about how Todd keeps avoiding her. She tells them Jess’s kidnapping plan, and Annie offers a loan of her guidebook of romantic restaurants. Why does she have one of those? Hee! How weird! It’s in Tony’s locker, so the girls all troop off to get it. While she’s rooting around for the guidebook, Annie finds a big bottle of pills, enough for a month. She’s like, “What could these be? He’s finished taking all the pills his doctor gave him!” Enid and Liz are like, “Just get the guidebook and let’s get out of here,” but Annie surreptitiously pockets one of the magic vitamins, determined to find out what they are. And what if they were a legitimate prescription, nosy? Breaking into your boyfriend’s locker and stealing his medicine? Nice.
Liz picks a romantic restaurant from Annie’s book, and Winston overhears her telling Enid and Annie about it. It’s a really long scene, but that’s all that happens.
The whole group goes bowling, and when Mitch accidentally steps over the line Tony completely loses his shit, screaming that Mitch is a cheater. Mitch is crushed.
Annie gives the magic vitamin to her cousin, who is apparently a grad student in biochem at SVU. Her cousin does an analysis on it and tells Annie the pill is a steroid. She gives a really long After School Special type speech (It begins, “Annie, have you ever heard of steroids?” and Annie replies, “I…I think so.” Snerk.) about all the negative side effects of steroids. The cousin finishes up by saying, “You have a responsibility to make your friend stop taking these.” Wow! No she doesn’t! But okay! Annie calls Tony over to her house to tell him she knows about the steroids, and he screams at her and leaves. Annie is like, “Well, crap. Now what do I do?” She thinks about telling the track coach or Pa Esteban, which is what she should do, so of course she decides not to. She lurves Tony! She can’t turn him in! She’ll just have to get him to quit on his own!
You all are going to love this. It’s so absurd. The next day at school, Annie spills her guts to Saint Elizabeth and Roger. Roger can’t believe Tony would knowingly take steroids, so he figures Tony doesn’t know what they are. He has a brilliant plan to get Tony to stop, though! Annie should switch his pills with placeboes! Tony will never realize the difference, and he’ll stop taking steroids without even knowing it! Liz practically wets herself over this suggestion: it’s the most brilliant, most genius plan she’s ever heard! Annie is a little skeptical, but agrees to try. She has her biochem cousin make some fake pills that look exactly like the real ones, and she and Liz do the switch.
Mitch is going back to LA, but he’s using the money he saved for a new bike to come back to Sweet Valley in two weeks to watch Tony at the track finals. Tony apologizes to Mitch for freaking out at the bowling alley, and Mitch is like, “I’m sure I stepped over the line. I mess up all the time. I deserved it.” Tony feels like shit, and it gets even worse when Mitch is like, “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what you said about drinking, and how rules are there to protect me. I won’t drink again. I wish I could be like you.” I’m not making that up. Tony almost cries, he feels so guilty about the steroids.
Liz gets ready for her kidnappy date with Todd. She’s just about to leave when Winston shows up, frantic. He says, “You’ve got to come with me right now! Todd’s been in a motorcycle accident!” Oh my God, that's probably the most dickish thing he could’ve said to her. She flips out, of course, and runs to the car. Winston pulls into a gas station because his car is almost empty, and when Liz gets out he grabs her, blindfolds her, ties her up, and tosses her in the backseat.
And then she has a nervous breakdown, since in the space of half an hour he’s managed to make her relive all the most traumatic events of her life so far. No, not really, she actually just curses him out and he tells her to shut up. A resilient girl, that Liz.
Winston drives her to the romantic restaurant Liz had found in Annie’s book, and when they get there, Enid and Annie are delivering a blindfolded, kidnapped Todd at the same time. After some “witty” “banter” in the parking lot, the three kids leave, and Liz and Todd have a romantic dinner together. Todd never apologizes for being a whiny baby. I know you all find that shocking, but try to cope.
Pa Esteban tells Tony that everyone from his work is coming to the meet to watch him run and blathers about the Olympics. He’s like, “Sometimes I feel as if it’s me on the track!” Has there ever been anyone with so little self-awareness? This man is a walking, talking stereotype. Tony, feeling like crap, goes upstairs and pops another placebo.
At the gym, Tony overhears a guy crying to Lou about getting kicked off the SVU swim team for steroids. Lou is like, “How dumb are you, taking one in front of your coach? Duh!” Tony can’t deny the truth of the magic vitamins to himself anymore. He knows he has to tell the coach: he has no right to participate in the county meet if he was juiced in the qualifying races. But first, he leaves to tell his dad.
Tony confesses to his father, and in the space of four sentences, Pa Esteban goes from, “How could you!” to, “I’m sorry, this is all my fault for living vicariously through your track career.” That was easy. Tony goes to talk to Annie, who tells him that she already knew, and fills him in on the biochem cousin and the fact that he’s been taking placeboes for a week. Tony’s stunned, and leaves to talk to the coach. He makes a chart explaining when he started the steroids and when he stopped them - there’s something so adorably dorky about that - and gives the coach Lou’s name for the police.
The coach arranges for Tony to take a bunch of blood tests, and it turns out he was only actually taking the steroids for, like, two weeks. Not long enough to influence his performance at all. Any benefits he might have had were psychological. So, he can run in the All-County meet after all! He goes back to Annie’s house and they make out. Say hey for no consequences! And Tony wins the meet! And Mitch is there, cheering for him! Everyone is happy!
As a lead in to the next book, a kid named Scott Trost had been on academic probation, but has just been reinstated as the SVH second-string quarterback. And he’s a sexist pig. Liz, Enid, and Annie hate how he treats girls, but Todd and Winston say he’s an okay guy and it’s mostly an act. Why would you act like you hate girls? Is that cute or something?
The End.