SVJH #27: She's Back...
A new review! I’m excited simply because the text is so big. It’s nice to rest your eyes once in a while. Anyway, this one is called She’s Back… and is about Lila! This is the cover:
This is weird because a) Jessica looks like a girl I went to school with for years and b) her forehead looks enormous. Also according to the title page the cover art is owned by Alloy. Go figure!
ANYWAY.
Strangely enough this one also has diaries. We start with Lila’s. Lila is preparing to go to a slumber party and frankly she’s a little tired of going to slumber party after slumber party. She wants to do something sophisticated like go to a play or a restaurant. Lila is obviously more mature than I am because she’s about twelve here and I’ve gone on dates to McDonalds…in my twenties. Posh!
Jessica is journaling as well - she’s excited that she and Liz are throwing a slumber party and talks about the guests - Bethel, Kristin, Anna, and Larissa. (Bethel? Really?) Conspicuous lack of Lila here as she says how awesome it is that she goes to SVJH and runs with an awesome crowd.
Jessica (and pretty much all the pertinent characters in this novel) are in history class on Monday morning. Their teacher Mr. Harrimann enthuses about this new thing called the Internet. I check the publication date - 2001. Seeing as how I remember having AOL 0.00001 I’m pretty sure the wonder of the Internet wore off by 2001. Anyway, he proposes a time capsule project where they somehow “document their society as they see it today.” Jessica is pissed until she learns she can work in pairs, Bethel makes eye contact with her across the room and they’re paired. Jessica uses her pink pen to write TIME CAPSULE PROJECT across the top of the page in her notebook. Get on it, girl.
Bethel, meanwhile, is totally psyched for the project. Just think fifty years from now - 2051 - someone will dig up this time capsule and be totally weirded out by our books, cos everything will be on computers by then. And cars will fly! We get some exposition about how she and Jessica became friends even though Jessica rolls her eyes and smacks her lips a lot when she applies lipgloss. I am going to pretend it was Dr. Pepper LipSmackers, a classic like Revlon’s “Cherries in the Snow.” Or something.
But what about Lila? She’s in the cafeteria buying a salad, being trailed by girls named Courtnee, Maree, and Ashlee. I curse their parents. The girls all sit down and Lila is horrified to see that they’re eating pasta. They always get what Lila eats, and now that they haven’t, her whole world is upside down. Noez. As they eat their cafeteria food they discuss what to do after school. The rest of the girls want to go see some awful rom com with Ben Affleck even though they’ve already seen it. Lila is all, “I’ve got to take charge of this situation!” and manages to get them all to go over to her house to read magazines and hang by the pool. Lila is in control and pleased with herself.
Bethel and Jessica are brainstorming. Bethel wants to make a mixtape of Sweet Valley radio stations. Jessica wants to take pictures of Sweet Valley monuments and make a scrapbook. Elizabeth comes in to watch TV and casually suggests they do a documentary. Bethel is thrilled until Jess says they don’t have a video camera. Liz is all, “Just call Lila and borrow one, dumbass” and Jessica’s all, “that would be socially awkward because we don’t talk anymore!” and Bethel’s all, “I hate Lila, that bitch.”
Lila’s hanging out by the pool in a new swimsuit and feeling pretty awesome (because she is). Courtnee, Maree, and Ashlee are reading magazines and Maree wants to get her hair cut like Katie Holmes. (Which looks like this, if you were curious.) Lila thinks that’s kind of lame because Maree looks nothing like Katie Holmes and suggests a chin length bob. Maree is really freaked out by this. Which I don’t get - dude, it’s hair, it’ll grow out - but then again, I try a new style every time I get my hair cut. Anyway, Lila suggests that what would be a great change is if Courtnee got colored contacts and flips to a page in her magazine that shows them all. They used to be advertised all the time in Seventeen magazine, back in the day. She suggests a jade green color because Courtnee’s eyes are “kind of bland.” Ashlee tells her to fuck off in that way that teenage girls have and then they announce they’re going to the movie anyway and split. Lila is stunned. That was kind of bitchy, though.
Jess is desperately trying to think of a way to get a camera without calling Lila because they’re no longer best friends. How awkward! She finally concedes that unless they want one of those huge 80s style cameras they need to call Lila. She picks up the princess phone.
Meanwhile, Lila is bugging. How rude of them to just up and leave her! Suddenly the phone rings and she guesses that it’s Ashlee calling from her brand new cell phone to apologize. But no! It’s Jessica. Jessica asks if she can borrow the camera and in the asking, ends up babbling about how the tape might appear on TV. Lila’s interest is piqued and silkily suggests Jessica come over after school the next day to get it. She figures she can somehow wrangle a production credit out of it but mostly wants to hang out with someone who isn’t going to be a total bitch.
Jessica is relieved, even if Elizabeth and Bethel think it’s mean of her to lie to Lila and say it’s going to be on TV. Jessica figures that she wouldn’t have been able to get Lila’s attention otherwise. They take notes on things to tape - football practice, kids in class, teachers, etc.
Lila is fuming at home. It’s the evening and the girls haven’t called her even though the movie should be over by now. Lila just wants to gloat about her - Jessica’s - project and figures since it counts as news she can call them. But none of them are home, so Lila resorts to calling Ashlee’s cell phone. The girls are at Vito’s with Todd, Ken, Aaron, and Winston, who’s shooting Sprite out of his nose. Ouch. Ashlee blows Lila off with “I can’t hear you!” and hangs up. It’s pretty much every middle school trauma you’ve ever had. Poor Lila. It gets better, Lila, I swear!
Jessica writes in her journal about how close she and Lila used to be and how weird it feels to be reunited. Elizabeth writes in her journal about how she didn’t think Lila would agree and that she hopes Lila doesn’t start bossing Jessica around again. I never got the impression that Lila bossed Jessica around but I’m not Elizabeth.
Lila’s in gym class and enjoying it for once because she figures if they’re all playing soccer nobody can talk about anything. Which I find hard to believe - have you ever HAD a gym class with girls, ghostwriter? They will find a way to do ANYTHING. Aaron is all, “Where were you last night?” and Ashlee answers for Lila that she didn’t go to the movie. Todd and Aaron laugh over the stupid movie and Lila joins them in reminiscing about the good old days. Ashlee - or maybe it’s Courtnee, but frankly, does it matter? - tries to insinuate herself into the conversation and ends up hurting Todd by reminding him of his former OTP status with Elizabeth. Todd, Aaron, and Lila hang out and Ashlee and Courtnee are pissed.
Jessica goes over to the Fowlers’ and is stunned that nothing’s changed. No shit, girl, you’ve only been missing for three months. Not much can change. She goes upstairs and finds Lila wearing flared jeans and a top that “[she] saw Britney Spears wearing in an interview on MTV the day before.” Oh my God, y’all! Lila conveniently has the same top in red for Jessica. They talk about how if they were at the same school they’d be ruling it with the iron fist of clique-ness in the way only middle schools can. Then Lila begs to be put into the movie, and Jessica figures that since it’s her camera she can fit her in somehow. They hug and Jessica is happy. Reunited, and it feels…it feels so good, people.
Bethel, meanwhile, has been hanging out with the football coach all afternoon waiting for Jessica to show up. She’s miffed, until Jessica shows up. On the way home she learns that Jessica was late because she was talking to Lila, and Bethel doesn’t like the way this sounds, especially when Jessica says that Lila lent her a shirt. That hussy! Then Jessica begs for Lila to be in the documentary. Bethel’s all, “Are you serious? She was a total bitch to you at that party and was really mean to us and doesn’t even go to our school!” Jessica insists that she’s really nice once you get to know her and Bethel reluctantly agrees to let Lila in the documentary. Jessica Wakefield, our little manipulative girl!
The next day Jessica is at her locker when Bethel walks up to her and wants to talk about the project. Jessica asks her how she likes her new top. Bethel opines that it’s “a little Britney Spears.” She’s only wearing it with torn fishnets and no pants? Jessica is all “LOL that’s the point,” because in 2001 Britney Spears was just hot instead of a hot mess. Jessica says she has to call Lila on her cell because she has to know where they’ll be filming and Bethel makes a face. She thinks that if Lila’s there it won’t be as “realistic,” because Lila doesn’t do things like play Frisbee in the park. Of course not. There’s bugs outside. Gross. Then Jessica’s boyfriend Damon comes up and Bethel is forced to film him and Jessica making out. Jessica thinks that is definitely making the final cut in the documentary. Eew.
Bethel is filming a bunch of people from their school play Frisbee. They all have vaguely ethnic names so it’s like when your textbooks have a picture of a group of kids and there’s the token black kid and the Asian and the Hispanic and the kid in the wheelchair. Although once my brother found a picture where the kid was in a wheelchair and had a hook instead of a hand. ANYWAY the Frisbee players are dicking around when Lila walks up wearing a sundress and sandals. Bethel notes that her hair is curled and she’s wearing mascara and has a pedicure. Bethel snarks that she can’t play Frisbee wearing that and Lila snarks back that she didn’t think they’d actually be playing Frisbee because it’s “too kindergarten.” Ha! They try to bring Lila into the Frisbee game but she catches like a girl and breaks a nail so she has to sit out. Bethel makes Jessica film so she doesn’t have to hang out with “the princess.”
Jessica is too busy chilling with Lila to catch a spectacular Frisbee catch on film, which the Hispanic kid is pissed about. Of course when she actually starts filming they all suck. The Hispanic kid hams it up. Lila calls him a dork and Jessica defends him, saying he used to bother her but now she kind of thinks he’s funny. Lila is all, “You’ve changed, girl,” and rather than get on Lila’s bad side Jessica shuts her face.
Post Frisbee game everyone is lying on the grass, talking about how tired they are. This kid named Blue - I’m guessing he’s the hippie in this melting pot - starts talking about some kind of surf competition where they were in the water for eight hours and a kid’s toes turned purple. Lila interrupts because she wants everyone to focus on her. Shut up Lila, I want to hear about the kid’s toes. Lila says they should have people other than SVJH students in the documentary for the sake of accuracy. Then she and Jessica reminisce about the Unicorn Club, and Bethel’s all, WTF? Because apparently Jessica’s been rather taciturn on the subject of her Unicorn Club with her new friends. Everyone feels left out. Don’t be! Someone in the group has to be wearing purple, right?
The kids are all at an ice cream parlor. I wonder where their parents are cos I know when I was 13 I was never unsupervised for hours at a time like this. Probably because I was always inside reading. Anyway, the Hispanic kid has ordered an enormous sundae. Elizabeth has a coffee chip cone. Boring! They gossip about Lila a bit - what kind of weirdo wears a dress to a Frisbee game? Is she always such a bitch? Elizabeth says that yeah, she pretty much is, and the hippie says that she must have a very crappy home life to be so negative. The subject is changed but Liz is still thinking about Lila and Jessica. What’s the angle, here? Why is Lila suddenly so interested in Jessica again? She gets distracted when Blue’s brother Leaf - yes, his name is Leaf - drives up to take them all home. She’s about to get into the car when she spots Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree in the sundae parlor, without Lila. This convinces her that something is definitely going on because why would Lila skip hanging out with them to hang out with the Frisbee crew? But how would Liz know what Courtnee, et al look like if they go to different schools? My brain hurts.
Bethel and Jessica have just finished taping a segment on the cafeteria - before lunch period. Jessica is pleased that she chose today to brown bag it. Bethel wants to talk about what else they should tape when Jessica reveals that she told Lila they would go to the mall and Bethel could film them shopping. How self-absorbed is that? Shopping is kind of universal, I think. Bethel’s like, “How could you plan this without me?” and Jessica’s all, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d be interested in shopping with us!” But someone has to hold the camera. Bethel no like. Bad medicine.
Lila shows up on the Wakefields’ porch and is wearing giant bug eyed sunglasses that won’t be popular for another six years. Elizabeth strains to make conversation and notes that when she asks about Lila’s friends Lila says they were at a meeting. Lila’s face goes red and Liz knows that the girls were at the ice cream parlor - she’s lying! Elizabeth then watches Jessica and Lila get into the limo as she epiphanies that Lila’s only hanging out with Jessica because the other girls don’t want to hang out with her anymore. Sad.
Jessica and Lila are at the mall. Lila bolts into BCBG to get some fierce clothes for her upcoming trip to Rome. Jessica struggles to keep up and film at the same time. Lila snootily asks if the Frisbee club kids are actually Jessica’s friends. Jessica reluctantly answers yes, and Lila’s all, “Even that weird kid?” Embarrassed, Jessica admits that the goofball Hispanic kid is her and Elizabeth’s friend. Lila then tells the camera that Bethel is a rude bitch and has a stupid name and that they should’ve brought her so they could get her an outfit that didn’t look like it was gained by dumpster diving. Ouch! Lila looks straight into the camera and tells Jessica to ditch Bethel because she’s “a charity case” and “[Jessica] can do so much better.” Jessica is embarrassed and turns off the camera and asks for a drink. Then she says that while Lila is a total bitch, she’s fun to hang around because she’s always nice to her. I think we all know where this is headed. Also - Lila totally knows what she’s doing.
We switch to Lila, trying on a black dress. She comes out of the dressing room and while Jessica is filming her acting like a model Lila spots Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree. She’s pissed that they made plans without her again but figures fuck them, watch this. She gestures them over and tells them that Jessica is filming a documentary about her life. They’re impressed. Jessica is like LOL Lila, u so crazy. But under it all, Lila’s still upset about Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree. Bitches!
Jessica journals that Lila isn’t a bad person, she just likes to exaggerate. And if she knew she was actually friends with Bethel Lila wouldn’t have said all that mean stuff…right?
Jessica is at school when she realizes the tape is still in the camera, so she switches it out with a blank one and hides the mean one in her locker. Damon comes up to her and calls her jumpy. He jokes that he would let her film the lit magazine meeting but admits that she’d die of boredom. I mean, that it’s top secret. Jessica holds his hands and says she wouldn’t trade her boyfriend and friends for anything in the world. I get hit over the head with the foreshadowing stick.
Bethel is cranky but has a new idea for the documentary. Her whole extended family is having a barbecue for an aunt’s birthday and she figures they could film it to get the family angle in there. Jessica agrees. Bethel crows that Jessica hasn’t been completely brainwashed by Lila. O RLY?
Jessica goes over to Bethel’s house and eats a lot of food and videotapes Bethel playing tag with her cousins. Jessica is all warm and fuzzy that this is included in the documentary.
Lila is pissed that it’s 8:15 on a Sunday night and nobody’s called her. She should have plans up the wazoo, not watching DVDs! She hides the phone to keep her from thinking about it.
Jessica has a nagging feeling that she’s forgetting something but can’t recall what it is. Her locker mate says Bethel came by and he gave her a tape in the locker because she wanted to edit the video. Bethel shared an awful lot of info with this dude. The tape! The tape of DOOM! Jessica flips out and runs to the AV room but it’s too late. Bethel is crying, and we’re told she NEVER cries. “You didn’t even defend me,” she wails, then rushes out. Jessica cries. She has a point, Jessica. But you TOTALLY knew that Lila knew Bethel would find the tape. I love it.
Bethel freaks that Jessica didn’t say anything except “whatever.” She runs home.
Jessica is crying to Elizabeth. How could she be so cruel, so heartless? Elizabeth asks if Jessica really likes Lila or if she’s just hanging around her for convenience. Jessica gets hit by the epipha-tree and thinks that Lila is a self-centered bitch. So what does she do? She marches over to Lila’s and tells her to shut the hell up and that she’s mean and here’s your camera back, bitch. Lila’s all, WTF? And Jessica says that she’s rude and “SO not worth it.” Harsh. Lila tells her to gtfo.
Lila has no idea what Jessica is talking about and thinks it’s pretty rude for her to just bust into her house and yell at her. She wants to call Ashlee but realizes that Ashlee, Courtnee, and Maree haven’t talked to her since Friday. Lila thinks she’s the victim and cries.
Bethel is pissed. She comments that Jessica probably feels worse about getting caught than about saying mean things. Jessica pretty much said the same two chapters ago.
The next day Jessica goes over to Bethel’s house to apologize while they walk to school. Bethel’s not having it. Jessica tells her that she yelled at Lila and Bethel’s all, “What, do you want a medal or something?” she actually says that, too. Then she runs off.
Bethel ignores English class to write Jessica a note about how she’s doing her own project. You know, you could be learning something very important about the human condition, Bethel, you should pay attention. Bethel sticks the letter in Jessica’s locker with an exhausted sense of finality. Chin up girl, we’ve all been there.
Lila cries so hard she gets to stay home from school the next day. She’s pulled important life lessons from soap operas and decides to face Ashlee. She has her driver take her to the swim club, where Ashlee is getting out of diving practice. Ashlee sees her and is all, oh shit. Lila asks why they’ve been ditching her all the time and being so bratty. Ashlee blows a gasket and says that Lila is a commandeering bitch and she can go to hell. Or something. Lila realizes that it sounds like what Jessica said and if two people said it it must be true. Ashlee and Lila make up and get ice cream.
Elizabeth journals that something is wrong with Jessica because she’s been locked in Steven’s room using his stereo equipment. She calls her delirious.
Bethel is dreading history class, and who can blame her? But Mr. Harrimann is all INTERNET!!!! and makes Jessica and Bethel present their video. Bethel is horrified because she doesn’t know what’s happening but Jessica plays the video anyway. It’s a cheesy montage set to music about how important friendship is. I bet the song was that “Graduation Day” song by Vitamin C. Mr. Harrimann cries.
Bethel chases Jessica down in the hall. They both say, “You know, I’ve learned something today.”
Lila visits Jessica at home. She says, “You know, I learned something today.”
Lila journals - she went to see the movie again and admits that you have to compromise. She then says that her dad felt so bad about her sick day that he got her tickets to a fashion show in LA. Lila wonders if she should invite Jessica, then adds, “She could even bring that Bethel girl. She could use a fashion show.” Saucer of milk, table two!
Bethel journals that Jessica is doing penance by playing with her million cousins.
The ad in the back says "You hate your alarm clock. You hate your clothes. You're going to love junior high." Can anyone confirm/deny this? I had to wear a uniform.
This is weird because a) Jessica looks like a girl I went to school with for years and b) her forehead looks enormous. Also according to the title page the cover art is owned by Alloy. Go figure!
ANYWAY.
Strangely enough this one also has diaries. We start with Lila’s. Lila is preparing to go to a slumber party and frankly she’s a little tired of going to slumber party after slumber party. She wants to do something sophisticated like go to a play or a restaurant. Lila is obviously more mature than I am because she’s about twelve here and I’ve gone on dates to McDonalds…in my twenties. Posh!
Jessica is journaling as well - she’s excited that she and Liz are throwing a slumber party and talks about the guests - Bethel, Kristin, Anna, and Larissa. (Bethel? Really?) Conspicuous lack of Lila here as she says how awesome it is that she goes to SVJH and runs with an awesome crowd.
Jessica (and pretty much all the pertinent characters in this novel) are in history class on Monday morning. Their teacher Mr. Harrimann enthuses about this new thing called the Internet. I check the publication date - 2001. Seeing as how I remember having AOL 0.00001 I’m pretty sure the wonder of the Internet wore off by 2001. Anyway, he proposes a time capsule project where they somehow “document their society as they see it today.” Jessica is pissed until she learns she can work in pairs, Bethel makes eye contact with her across the room and they’re paired. Jessica uses her pink pen to write TIME CAPSULE PROJECT across the top of the page in her notebook. Get on it, girl.
Bethel, meanwhile, is totally psyched for the project. Just think fifty years from now - 2051 - someone will dig up this time capsule and be totally weirded out by our books, cos everything will be on computers by then. And cars will fly! We get some exposition about how she and Jessica became friends even though Jessica rolls her eyes and smacks her lips a lot when she applies lipgloss. I am going to pretend it was Dr. Pepper LipSmackers, a classic like Revlon’s “Cherries in the Snow.” Or something.
But what about Lila? She’s in the cafeteria buying a salad, being trailed by girls named Courtnee, Maree, and Ashlee. I curse their parents. The girls all sit down and Lila is horrified to see that they’re eating pasta. They always get what Lila eats, and now that they haven’t, her whole world is upside down. Noez. As they eat their cafeteria food they discuss what to do after school. The rest of the girls want to go see some awful rom com with Ben Affleck even though they’ve already seen it. Lila is all, “I’ve got to take charge of this situation!” and manages to get them all to go over to her house to read magazines and hang by the pool. Lila is in control and pleased with herself.
Bethel and Jessica are brainstorming. Bethel wants to make a mixtape of Sweet Valley radio stations. Jessica wants to take pictures of Sweet Valley monuments and make a scrapbook. Elizabeth comes in to watch TV and casually suggests they do a documentary. Bethel is thrilled until Jess says they don’t have a video camera. Liz is all, “Just call Lila and borrow one, dumbass” and Jessica’s all, “that would be socially awkward because we don’t talk anymore!” and Bethel’s all, “I hate Lila, that bitch.”
Lila’s hanging out by the pool in a new swimsuit and feeling pretty awesome (because she is). Courtnee, Maree, and Ashlee are reading magazines and Maree wants to get her hair cut like Katie Holmes. (Which looks like this, if you were curious.) Lila thinks that’s kind of lame because Maree looks nothing like Katie Holmes and suggests a chin length bob. Maree is really freaked out by this. Which I don’t get - dude, it’s hair, it’ll grow out - but then again, I try a new style every time I get my hair cut. Anyway, Lila suggests that what would be a great change is if Courtnee got colored contacts and flips to a page in her magazine that shows them all. They used to be advertised all the time in Seventeen magazine, back in the day. She suggests a jade green color because Courtnee’s eyes are “kind of bland.” Ashlee tells her to fuck off in that way that teenage girls have and then they announce they’re going to the movie anyway and split. Lila is stunned. That was kind of bitchy, though.
Jess is desperately trying to think of a way to get a camera without calling Lila because they’re no longer best friends. How awkward! She finally concedes that unless they want one of those huge 80s style cameras they need to call Lila. She picks up the princess phone.
Meanwhile, Lila is bugging. How rude of them to just up and leave her! Suddenly the phone rings and she guesses that it’s Ashlee calling from her brand new cell phone to apologize. But no! It’s Jessica. Jessica asks if she can borrow the camera and in the asking, ends up babbling about how the tape might appear on TV. Lila’s interest is piqued and silkily suggests Jessica come over after school the next day to get it. She figures she can somehow wrangle a production credit out of it but mostly wants to hang out with someone who isn’t going to be a total bitch.
Jessica is relieved, even if Elizabeth and Bethel think it’s mean of her to lie to Lila and say it’s going to be on TV. Jessica figures that she wouldn’t have been able to get Lila’s attention otherwise. They take notes on things to tape - football practice, kids in class, teachers, etc.
Lila is fuming at home. It’s the evening and the girls haven’t called her even though the movie should be over by now. Lila just wants to gloat about her - Jessica’s - project and figures since it counts as news she can call them. But none of them are home, so Lila resorts to calling Ashlee’s cell phone. The girls are at Vito’s with Todd, Ken, Aaron, and Winston, who’s shooting Sprite out of his nose. Ouch. Ashlee blows Lila off with “I can’t hear you!” and hangs up. It’s pretty much every middle school trauma you’ve ever had. Poor Lila. It gets better, Lila, I swear!
Jessica writes in her journal about how close she and Lila used to be and how weird it feels to be reunited. Elizabeth writes in her journal about how she didn’t think Lila would agree and that she hopes Lila doesn’t start bossing Jessica around again. I never got the impression that Lila bossed Jessica around but I’m not Elizabeth.
Lila’s in gym class and enjoying it for once because she figures if they’re all playing soccer nobody can talk about anything. Which I find hard to believe - have you ever HAD a gym class with girls, ghostwriter? They will find a way to do ANYTHING. Aaron is all, “Where were you last night?” and Ashlee answers for Lila that she didn’t go to the movie. Todd and Aaron laugh over the stupid movie and Lila joins them in reminiscing about the good old days. Ashlee - or maybe it’s Courtnee, but frankly, does it matter? - tries to insinuate herself into the conversation and ends up hurting Todd by reminding him of his former OTP status with Elizabeth. Todd, Aaron, and Lila hang out and Ashlee and Courtnee are pissed.
Jessica goes over to the Fowlers’ and is stunned that nothing’s changed. No shit, girl, you’ve only been missing for three months. Not much can change. She goes upstairs and finds Lila wearing flared jeans and a top that “[she] saw Britney Spears wearing in an interview on MTV the day before.” Oh my God, y’all! Lila conveniently has the same top in red for Jessica. They talk about how if they were at the same school they’d be ruling it with the iron fist of clique-ness in the way only middle schools can. Then Lila begs to be put into the movie, and Jessica figures that since it’s her camera she can fit her in somehow. They hug and Jessica is happy. Reunited, and it feels…it feels so good, people.
Bethel, meanwhile, has been hanging out with the football coach all afternoon waiting for Jessica to show up. She’s miffed, until Jessica shows up. On the way home she learns that Jessica was late because she was talking to Lila, and Bethel doesn’t like the way this sounds, especially when Jessica says that Lila lent her a shirt. That hussy! Then Jessica begs for Lila to be in the documentary. Bethel’s all, “Are you serious? She was a total bitch to you at that party and was really mean to us and doesn’t even go to our school!” Jessica insists that she’s really nice once you get to know her and Bethel reluctantly agrees to let Lila in the documentary. Jessica Wakefield, our little manipulative girl!
The next day Jessica is at her locker when Bethel walks up to her and wants to talk about the project. Jessica asks her how she likes her new top. Bethel opines that it’s “a little Britney Spears.” She’s only wearing it with torn fishnets and no pants? Jessica is all “LOL that’s the point,” because in 2001 Britney Spears was just hot instead of a hot mess. Jessica says she has to call Lila on her cell because she has to know where they’ll be filming and Bethel makes a face. She thinks that if Lila’s there it won’t be as “realistic,” because Lila doesn’t do things like play Frisbee in the park. Of course not. There’s bugs outside. Gross. Then Jessica’s boyfriend Damon comes up and Bethel is forced to film him and Jessica making out. Jessica thinks that is definitely making the final cut in the documentary. Eew.
Bethel is filming a bunch of people from their school play Frisbee. They all have vaguely ethnic names so it’s like when your textbooks have a picture of a group of kids and there’s the token black kid and the Asian and the Hispanic and the kid in the wheelchair. Although once my brother found a picture where the kid was in a wheelchair and had a hook instead of a hand. ANYWAY the Frisbee players are dicking around when Lila walks up wearing a sundress and sandals. Bethel notes that her hair is curled and she’s wearing mascara and has a pedicure. Bethel snarks that she can’t play Frisbee wearing that and Lila snarks back that she didn’t think they’d actually be playing Frisbee because it’s “too kindergarten.” Ha! They try to bring Lila into the Frisbee game but she catches like a girl and breaks a nail so she has to sit out. Bethel makes Jessica film so she doesn’t have to hang out with “the princess.”
Jessica is too busy chilling with Lila to catch a spectacular Frisbee catch on film, which the Hispanic kid is pissed about. Of course when she actually starts filming they all suck. The Hispanic kid hams it up. Lila calls him a dork and Jessica defends him, saying he used to bother her but now she kind of thinks he’s funny. Lila is all, “You’ve changed, girl,” and rather than get on Lila’s bad side Jessica shuts her face.
Post Frisbee game everyone is lying on the grass, talking about how tired they are. This kid named Blue - I’m guessing he’s the hippie in this melting pot - starts talking about some kind of surf competition where they were in the water for eight hours and a kid’s toes turned purple. Lila interrupts because she wants everyone to focus on her. Shut up Lila, I want to hear about the kid’s toes. Lila says they should have people other than SVJH students in the documentary for the sake of accuracy. Then she and Jessica reminisce about the Unicorn Club, and Bethel’s all, WTF? Because apparently Jessica’s been rather taciturn on the subject of her Unicorn Club with her new friends. Everyone feels left out. Don’t be! Someone in the group has to be wearing purple, right?
The kids are all at an ice cream parlor. I wonder where their parents are cos I know when I was 13 I was never unsupervised for hours at a time like this. Probably because I was always inside reading. Anyway, the Hispanic kid has ordered an enormous sundae. Elizabeth has a coffee chip cone. Boring! They gossip about Lila a bit - what kind of weirdo wears a dress to a Frisbee game? Is she always such a bitch? Elizabeth says that yeah, she pretty much is, and the hippie says that she must have a very crappy home life to be so negative. The subject is changed but Liz is still thinking about Lila and Jessica. What’s the angle, here? Why is Lila suddenly so interested in Jessica again? She gets distracted when Blue’s brother Leaf - yes, his name is Leaf - drives up to take them all home. She’s about to get into the car when she spots Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree in the sundae parlor, without Lila. This convinces her that something is definitely going on because why would Lila skip hanging out with them to hang out with the Frisbee crew? But how would Liz know what Courtnee, et al look like if they go to different schools? My brain hurts.
Bethel and Jessica have just finished taping a segment on the cafeteria - before lunch period. Jessica is pleased that she chose today to brown bag it. Bethel wants to talk about what else they should tape when Jessica reveals that she told Lila they would go to the mall and Bethel could film them shopping. How self-absorbed is that? Shopping is kind of universal, I think. Bethel’s like, “How could you plan this without me?” and Jessica’s all, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d be interested in shopping with us!” But someone has to hold the camera. Bethel no like. Bad medicine.
Lila shows up on the Wakefields’ porch and is wearing giant bug eyed sunglasses that won’t be popular for another six years. Elizabeth strains to make conversation and notes that when she asks about Lila’s friends Lila says they were at a meeting. Lila’s face goes red and Liz knows that the girls were at the ice cream parlor - she’s lying! Elizabeth then watches Jessica and Lila get into the limo as she epiphanies that Lila’s only hanging out with Jessica because the other girls don’t want to hang out with her anymore. Sad.
Jessica and Lila are at the mall. Lila bolts into BCBG to get some fierce clothes for her upcoming trip to Rome. Jessica struggles to keep up and film at the same time. Lila snootily asks if the Frisbee club kids are actually Jessica’s friends. Jessica reluctantly answers yes, and Lila’s all, “Even that weird kid?” Embarrassed, Jessica admits that the goofball Hispanic kid is her and Elizabeth’s friend. Lila then tells the camera that Bethel is a rude bitch and has a stupid name and that they should’ve brought her so they could get her an outfit that didn’t look like it was gained by dumpster diving. Ouch! Lila looks straight into the camera and tells Jessica to ditch Bethel because she’s “a charity case” and “[Jessica] can do so much better.” Jessica is embarrassed and turns off the camera and asks for a drink. Then she says that while Lila is a total bitch, she’s fun to hang around because she’s always nice to her. I think we all know where this is headed. Also - Lila totally knows what she’s doing.
We switch to Lila, trying on a black dress. She comes out of the dressing room and while Jessica is filming her acting like a model Lila spots Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree. She’s pissed that they made plans without her again but figures fuck them, watch this. She gestures them over and tells them that Jessica is filming a documentary about her life. They’re impressed. Jessica is like LOL Lila, u so crazy. But under it all, Lila’s still upset about Courtnee, Ashlee, and Maree. Bitches!
Jessica journals that Lila isn’t a bad person, she just likes to exaggerate. And if she knew she was actually friends with Bethel Lila wouldn’t have said all that mean stuff…right?
Jessica is at school when she realizes the tape is still in the camera, so she switches it out with a blank one and hides the mean one in her locker. Damon comes up to her and calls her jumpy. He jokes that he would let her film the lit magazine meeting but admits that she’d die of boredom. I mean, that it’s top secret. Jessica holds his hands and says she wouldn’t trade her boyfriend and friends for anything in the world. I get hit over the head with the foreshadowing stick.
Bethel is cranky but has a new idea for the documentary. Her whole extended family is having a barbecue for an aunt’s birthday and she figures they could film it to get the family angle in there. Jessica agrees. Bethel crows that Jessica hasn’t been completely brainwashed by Lila. O RLY?
Jessica goes over to Bethel’s house and eats a lot of food and videotapes Bethel playing tag with her cousins. Jessica is all warm and fuzzy that this is included in the documentary.
Lila is pissed that it’s 8:15 on a Sunday night and nobody’s called her. She should have plans up the wazoo, not watching DVDs! She hides the phone to keep her from thinking about it.
Jessica has a nagging feeling that she’s forgetting something but can’t recall what it is. Her locker mate says Bethel came by and he gave her a tape in the locker because she wanted to edit the video. Bethel shared an awful lot of info with this dude. The tape! The tape of DOOM! Jessica flips out and runs to the AV room but it’s too late. Bethel is crying, and we’re told she NEVER cries. “You didn’t even defend me,” she wails, then rushes out. Jessica cries. She has a point, Jessica. But you TOTALLY knew that Lila knew Bethel would find the tape. I love it.
Bethel freaks that Jessica didn’t say anything except “whatever.” She runs home.
Jessica is crying to Elizabeth. How could she be so cruel, so heartless? Elizabeth asks if Jessica really likes Lila or if she’s just hanging around her for convenience. Jessica gets hit by the epipha-tree and thinks that Lila is a self-centered bitch. So what does she do? She marches over to Lila’s and tells her to shut the hell up and that she’s mean and here’s your camera back, bitch. Lila’s all, WTF? And Jessica says that she’s rude and “SO not worth it.” Harsh. Lila tells her to gtfo.
Lila has no idea what Jessica is talking about and thinks it’s pretty rude for her to just bust into her house and yell at her. She wants to call Ashlee but realizes that Ashlee, Courtnee, and Maree haven’t talked to her since Friday. Lila thinks she’s the victim and cries.
Bethel is pissed. She comments that Jessica probably feels worse about getting caught than about saying mean things. Jessica pretty much said the same two chapters ago.
The next day Jessica goes over to Bethel’s house to apologize while they walk to school. Bethel’s not having it. Jessica tells her that she yelled at Lila and Bethel’s all, “What, do you want a medal or something?” she actually says that, too. Then she runs off.
Bethel ignores English class to write Jessica a note about how she’s doing her own project. You know, you could be learning something very important about the human condition, Bethel, you should pay attention. Bethel sticks the letter in Jessica’s locker with an exhausted sense of finality. Chin up girl, we’ve all been there.
Lila cries so hard she gets to stay home from school the next day. She’s pulled important life lessons from soap operas and decides to face Ashlee. She has her driver take her to the swim club, where Ashlee is getting out of diving practice. Ashlee sees her and is all, oh shit. Lila asks why they’ve been ditching her all the time and being so bratty. Ashlee blows a gasket and says that Lila is a commandeering bitch and she can go to hell. Or something. Lila realizes that it sounds like what Jessica said and if two people said it it must be true. Ashlee and Lila make up and get ice cream.
Elizabeth journals that something is wrong with Jessica because she’s been locked in Steven’s room using his stereo equipment. She calls her delirious.
Bethel is dreading history class, and who can blame her? But Mr. Harrimann is all INTERNET!!!! and makes Jessica and Bethel present their video. Bethel is horrified because she doesn’t know what’s happening but Jessica plays the video anyway. It’s a cheesy montage set to music about how important friendship is. I bet the song was that “Graduation Day” song by Vitamin C. Mr. Harrimann cries.
Bethel chases Jessica down in the hall. They both say, “You know, I’ve learned something today.”
Lila visits Jessica at home. She says, “You know, I learned something today.”
Lila journals - she went to see the movie again and admits that you have to compromise. She then says that her dad felt so bad about her sick day that he got her tickets to a fashion show in LA. Lila wonders if she should invite Jessica, then adds, “She could even bring that Bethel girl. She could use a fashion show.” Saucer of milk, table two!
Bethel journals that Jessica is doing penance by playing with her million cousins.
The ad in the back says "You hate your alarm clock. You hate your clothes. You're going to love junior high." Can anyone confirm/deny this? I had to wear a uniform.