Sweet Valley Kids #34: The Best Thanksgiving Ever
Sweet Valley Kids #34: The Best Thanksgiving Ever
I was going to save this one until November. But then I realized-fuck-it's only February and the chances were I'd forget by then. So I'll just recap this now and you can all make a note to yourself to come back at read it in November. Deal?
I can't find a picture of the cover. On it, one of the twins is holding a turkey with oven mitts. My mom won't let me carry the turkey now. She tells me I'll drop it. (And she's right; I'm not to be trusted in the kitchen.) Alice doesn't have the same worries, obviously. She treats the kids like servants and tells them to fetch the heavy items for her.
There are no readers of the month in this book. Random House must have wised up to how cruel and unusual that was.
The twins, Lila and Amy discuss what they have for lunch. Amy has a “baked bean sandwich.” Is that a real thing? It sounds like child abuse to me. Lila comments on how the twins always have the same thing for lunch. Liz tells her that's how identical twins are. This is lies. My twin and I never ate the same lunch foods. It was always the worst when I'd open my lunch box and realize my mom had given me her sandwich instead of mine.
This discussion of food leads to a discussion of Thanksgiving food. Winston and Todd randomly pipe up with what they have to eat every Thanksgiving. Why is Todd always telling Liz what foods he likes? That's weird. (FYI, Todd has pumpkin pie, not apple pie, and also “glazed carrots with mini-marshmallows.” Isn't that usually sweet potatoes, not carrots?)
Suzie, a girl in their class, stays quiet during the discussion. There's even a picture of them all talking animatedly and Suzie looking frowny. In fact, Suzie is the very definition of frowny. When Liz asks her what her mom is making Suzie says, “Nothing.” No one comments on this. They are all really crappy friends.
That night at dinner, Ned and Alice say that since the grandparents aren't coming to Thanksgiving this year, they're going to volunteer to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the homeless shelter downtown. There are homeless people in Sweet Valley?! I am shocked. Jessica doesn't want to. She says creepy people live at the shelter. Creepy people live in your house, Jessica. The parents insist that the people are not creepy, they are just poor and they need help, “especially during the holidays.” Because it's scientifically proven that people need to eat more on the fourth Thursday of November.
On Monday, the school is having a clothing drive. Liz hopes her old sweater will go to someone nice. Because only nice people deserve to be clothed. The girls all gather to head to dance class, but Suzie is dawdling behind, apparently about to take some clothes from the donation pile. Again, no one seems to notice. And when Jessica tells Lila about how her parents want to go to the homeless shelter on Thanksgiving, Suzie hurries inside. I can't imagine what could be wrong with her. You?
After dance class, Suzie appears sad and Liz comments on it, but she leaves with her mom before Liz can pry all of her troubles out of her. Naturally, Liz then tells Alice she wants to invite Suzie over because she didn't get all the dirt yet. But when Liz calls Suzie's house she gets a strange voice that says the number she dialed isn't in service.
Actual quote from the book:
Her mother's explanation made sense and so did her solution [that the family probably just moved or something]. But Elizabeth couldn't help thinking that this was just one more strange thing about Suzie. She was more determined than ever to find out if something was wrong.
Even as a child Liz got turned on by sticking her nose in other people's business.
The next day on the playground, Jessica suggests they play “house.” Lila says she wants to play “castle” instead because castles are better than houses. Got that right, Lila. I wish I had a castle! Jessica says she'll be the princess. Lila says then she's the queen. Hee. Then they start describing what their castles would be like. Amy says she doesn't want a castle; she'd live in a zoo. Amy is weird, ya'll. Liz wants to live in a tree house. She's weird too.
Suzie, on the other hand, just wishes for a normal house with her own room. Wow. These ghostwriters sure are subtle. I have no idea what her secret could possibly be. You?
Jessica then asks Suzie about why they couldn't phone her the previous evening. Suzie says they got a new telephone number and it's secret. She's not supposed to tell anyone. She asks Jessica if the Wakefields are really going to the homeless shelter on Thanksgiving. She says it's a “rotten” and “horrible” place. Then she runs off. Jessica tells Lila she thinks Suzie's parents are getting a divorce. That makes no sense at all, Jessica. I don't want to make fun of the intelligence of a seven year old, but you're making me think you're challenged.
After school, Alice pretends she's going to take the girls shopping. But it's just a fake out! They're going to the homeless shelter. PUNK'D! Jessica is surprised it's in the middle of town and next to an ice cream parlor. Remember kids, nothing bad can happen when ice cream is around. It has magical properties. In fact, if a strange man tells you he has ice cream in his car, then you should go with him. Mmm. Ice cream.
What was I saying? Oh, right. Well guess who they see at the homeless shelter? It's Suzie and her brother. Suzie tries to play it off like her mother is just a volunteer there. The Wakefields all got the dumb gene, because even Alice believes her bold faced lie. They invite Suzie over to play.
The next day, Suzie takes the bus home with the twins. Jessica insists they play with her doll house. Suzie says she wishes she were a doll so she could live in it. For some reason the doll house reminds Jessica of the shelter (bwah?) and they ask Suzie about the shelter. She tells them about the cots and stuff. Jessica is scandalized that the people don't have closets and dressers. They don't have houses, Jess, how are they going to have closets?
Alice comes up and says it's time to take Suzie home. Suzie insists she can walk but Alice just won't take a hint. So the girls and Alice drive Suzie to her apartment complex. Suzie jumps out and says bye, but while the Wakefields drive off, Liz sees Suzie leave the apartment as they pull away. Instead of thinking “Oh that's weird, but whatever” they go and harangue the poor girl and ask her why she didn't go up to her apartment. Suzie bursts into tears.
Way to go, Wakefields. You made the homeless girl cry. Are you happy now?
Alice makes the crying girl tell them her life story. See, her mom had to quit her job to stay home with her baby brother because daycare costs too much. And then her father lost his job and they couldn't pay the rent on the apartment. So now they're living at the shelter. Always sensitive, Jessica says (emphasis is book's not mine):
"What? You live there?”
They drop Suzie off at the shelter. Jessica says she didn't know kids lived in shelters. Because only adults are homeless. Then they all agree that they're going to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the shelter. Then the girls suggest they should let Suzie and her family live with them. Alice shuts that down. The split level ranch isn't big enough for two families, she says. I guess all that crap about how helping people and sharing is good only goes so far. Sharing is only acceptable when it's done on just one arbitrarily selected holiday.
The next day is Thanksgiving. The twins get up and get ready to go to the shelter. They see Suzie there of course and she's embarrassed but they tell her they're still friends. Liz thinks this Thanksgiving is weird because they have to eat off paper plates and stand in line for food (shouldn't they be helping, not eating?) but that's okay because “what mattered was the spirit of Thanksgiving-the fact that they were all sharing.” Here I thought the spirit of Thanksgiving was to gobble up as much pie as possible before your family members can eat it. Just like how the pilgrims stole the land of the native peoples. Shows what I know!
Suzie looks around and can't find her father. Her mother tells her that he went out, but she doesn't know where. Suzie hopes he'll be back before dinner. But when time to eat comes, he's still not back. The Wakefields sit with Suzie, her brother and mother and eat. Seriously, shouldn't they be doing something other than eating the needy people's food?
Then Suzie's father shows up with a contrived ending we all knew was coming. He announces that he found a job that day! Everyone is happy. Apparently they don't know that only Communists do their hiring on a national holiday. But the Wakefields are thankful (Get it? Get it?) that Suzie and her family will soon be able to have their own home again. Oh and that the Wakefields themselves will never have to go to the homeless shelter again.
Hurrah!
Next book: Elizabeth breaks her arm! That sounds like fun to me!
I was going to save this one until November. But then I realized-fuck-it's only February and the chances were I'd forget by then. So I'll just recap this now and you can all make a note to yourself to come back at read it in November. Deal?
I can't find a picture of the cover. On it, one of the twins is holding a turkey with oven mitts. My mom won't let me carry the turkey now. She tells me I'll drop it. (And she's right; I'm not to be trusted in the kitchen.) Alice doesn't have the same worries, obviously. She treats the kids like servants and tells them to fetch the heavy items for her.
There are no readers of the month in this book. Random House must have wised up to how cruel and unusual that was.
The twins, Lila and Amy discuss what they have for lunch. Amy has a “baked bean sandwich.” Is that a real thing? It sounds like child abuse to me. Lila comments on how the twins always have the same thing for lunch. Liz tells her that's how identical twins are. This is lies. My twin and I never ate the same lunch foods. It was always the worst when I'd open my lunch box and realize my mom had given me her sandwich instead of mine.
This discussion of food leads to a discussion of Thanksgiving food. Winston and Todd randomly pipe up with what they have to eat every Thanksgiving. Why is Todd always telling Liz what foods he likes? That's weird. (FYI, Todd has pumpkin pie, not apple pie, and also “glazed carrots with mini-marshmallows.” Isn't that usually sweet potatoes, not carrots?)
Suzie, a girl in their class, stays quiet during the discussion. There's even a picture of them all talking animatedly and Suzie looking frowny. In fact, Suzie is the very definition of frowny. When Liz asks her what her mom is making Suzie says, “Nothing.” No one comments on this. They are all really crappy friends.
That night at dinner, Ned and Alice say that since the grandparents aren't coming to Thanksgiving this year, they're going to volunteer to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the homeless shelter downtown. There are homeless people in Sweet Valley?! I am shocked. Jessica doesn't want to. She says creepy people live at the shelter. Creepy people live in your house, Jessica. The parents insist that the people are not creepy, they are just poor and they need help, “especially during the holidays.” Because it's scientifically proven that people need to eat more on the fourth Thursday of November.
On Monday, the school is having a clothing drive. Liz hopes her old sweater will go to someone nice. Because only nice people deserve to be clothed. The girls all gather to head to dance class, but Suzie is dawdling behind, apparently about to take some clothes from the donation pile. Again, no one seems to notice. And when Jessica tells Lila about how her parents want to go to the homeless shelter on Thanksgiving, Suzie hurries inside. I can't imagine what could be wrong with her. You?
After dance class, Suzie appears sad and Liz comments on it, but she leaves with her mom before Liz can pry all of her troubles out of her. Naturally, Liz then tells Alice she wants to invite Suzie over because she didn't get all the dirt yet. But when Liz calls Suzie's house she gets a strange voice that says the number she dialed isn't in service.
Actual quote from the book:
Her mother's explanation made sense and so did her solution [that the family probably just moved or something]. But Elizabeth couldn't help thinking that this was just one more strange thing about Suzie. She was more determined than ever to find out if something was wrong.
Even as a child Liz got turned on by sticking her nose in other people's business.
The next day on the playground, Jessica suggests they play “house.” Lila says she wants to play “castle” instead because castles are better than houses. Got that right, Lila. I wish I had a castle! Jessica says she'll be the princess. Lila says then she's the queen. Hee. Then they start describing what their castles would be like. Amy says she doesn't want a castle; she'd live in a zoo. Amy is weird, ya'll. Liz wants to live in a tree house. She's weird too.
Suzie, on the other hand, just wishes for a normal house with her own room. Wow. These ghostwriters sure are subtle. I have no idea what her secret could possibly be. You?
Jessica then asks Suzie about why they couldn't phone her the previous evening. Suzie says they got a new telephone number and it's secret. She's not supposed to tell anyone. She asks Jessica if the Wakefields are really going to the homeless shelter on Thanksgiving. She says it's a “rotten” and “horrible” place. Then she runs off. Jessica tells Lila she thinks Suzie's parents are getting a divorce. That makes no sense at all, Jessica. I don't want to make fun of the intelligence of a seven year old, but you're making me think you're challenged.
After school, Alice pretends she's going to take the girls shopping. But it's just a fake out! They're going to the homeless shelter. PUNK'D! Jessica is surprised it's in the middle of town and next to an ice cream parlor. Remember kids, nothing bad can happen when ice cream is around. It has magical properties. In fact, if a strange man tells you he has ice cream in his car, then you should go with him. Mmm. Ice cream.
What was I saying? Oh, right. Well guess who they see at the homeless shelter? It's Suzie and her brother. Suzie tries to play it off like her mother is just a volunteer there. The Wakefields all got the dumb gene, because even Alice believes her bold faced lie. They invite Suzie over to play.
The next day, Suzie takes the bus home with the twins. Jessica insists they play with her doll house. Suzie says she wishes she were a doll so she could live in it. For some reason the doll house reminds Jessica of the shelter (bwah?) and they ask Suzie about the shelter. She tells them about the cots and stuff. Jessica is scandalized that the people don't have closets and dressers. They don't have houses, Jess, how are they going to have closets?
Alice comes up and says it's time to take Suzie home. Suzie insists she can walk but Alice just won't take a hint. So the girls and Alice drive Suzie to her apartment complex. Suzie jumps out and says bye, but while the Wakefields drive off, Liz sees Suzie leave the apartment as they pull away. Instead of thinking “Oh that's weird, but whatever” they go and harangue the poor girl and ask her why she didn't go up to her apartment. Suzie bursts into tears.
Way to go, Wakefields. You made the homeless girl cry. Are you happy now?
Alice makes the crying girl tell them her life story. See, her mom had to quit her job to stay home with her baby brother because daycare costs too much. And then her father lost his job and they couldn't pay the rent on the apartment. So now they're living at the shelter. Always sensitive, Jessica says (emphasis is book's not mine):
"What? You live there?”
They drop Suzie off at the shelter. Jessica says she didn't know kids lived in shelters. Because only adults are homeless. Then they all agree that they're going to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the shelter. Then the girls suggest they should let Suzie and her family live with them. Alice shuts that down. The split level ranch isn't big enough for two families, she says. I guess all that crap about how helping people and sharing is good only goes so far. Sharing is only acceptable when it's done on just one arbitrarily selected holiday.
The next day is Thanksgiving. The twins get up and get ready to go to the shelter. They see Suzie there of course and she's embarrassed but they tell her they're still friends. Liz thinks this Thanksgiving is weird because they have to eat off paper plates and stand in line for food (shouldn't they be helping, not eating?) but that's okay because “what mattered was the spirit of Thanksgiving-the fact that they were all sharing.” Here I thought the spirit of Thanksgiving was to gobble up as much pie as possible before your family members can eat it. Just like how the pilgrims stole the land of the native peoples. Shows what I know!
Suzie looks around and can't find her father. Her mother tells her that he went out, but she doesn't know where. Suzie hopes he'll be back before dinner. But when time to eat comes, he's still not back. The Wakefields sit with Suzie, her brother and mother and eat. Seriously, shouldn't they be doing something other than eating the needy people's food?
Then Suzie's father shows up with a contrived ending we all knew was coming. He announces that he found a job that day! Everyone is happy. Apparently they don't know that only Communists do their hiring on a national holiday. But the Wakefields are thankful (Get it? Get it?) that Suzie and her family will soon be able to have their own home again. Oh and that the Wakefields themselves will never have to go to the homeless shelter again.
Hurrah!
Next book: Elizabeth breaks her arm! That sounds like fun to me!