Sweet Valley Kids #35: Elizabeth’s Broken Arm
Mrs. Otis tells the kids that the zookeeper will need one student to be her assistant and help hold the animals. Naturally, everyone wants to do it. Mrs. Otis decides to have a contest to decide who it will be. She writes everyone’s names on the board, and draws ten stars next to each name. How many students are in the class? That’s got to take a while, and with a room full of seven-year-olds, it seems like a pretty dumb idea. Can’t she just pick names out of a hat or something? Anyway, Mrs. Otis explains that she’ll take away a star each time a student is late, missing homework, talking in class, etc. If there’s a tie, she’ll ask a question about zoos, and whoever gives the best answer will get to be the assistant. This has to be the most anal selection process ever.
Anyway, Elizabeth and Jessica go to Amy Sutton’s house after school the next day. Apparently, this is pre-Jessica deciding Amy’s a loser, and pre-pre-Amy deciding the same thing about Elizabeth. We learn that in the zookeeper star contest, Elizabeth is in first place and Jessica is in last place. At this point, I’d like to make two comments: one, some things never change, and two, I can’t believe the subplot in this book is about stars drawn on a chalkboard.
Moving on. Amy shows Jessica and Elizabeth this big tree in her backyard. The ghostwriter inserts some commentary about how the twins are expert tree-climbers, and they all set off up the tree. They’re high enough to see the roof of Amy’s house when the branch Elizabeth is on begins to snap, and she falls out of the tree, thus providing my favorite illustration in this book:
Amy and Jessica “scramble” down the tree, where Elizabeth is clutching her arm and weeping. Amy runs to get her dad, and they take Elizabeth to the hospital.
Mrs. Wakefield is already waiting at the hospital by the time they get there. Oh yeah, they called her.
Elizabeth goes into the emergency room and comes out a short while later wearing a cast on her arm. For some reason Amy and Jessica think wearing a cast is the coolest thing ever, and they’re really impressed by it. Elizabeth produces a “special pen that’s just for writing on casts” so that they can sign it. Jessica draws a huge heart around her signature, and Amy writes “I’m sorry about the tree.” I believe the snark has written itself.
Mrs. Wakefield makes Elizabeth stay home from school the next day, which Elizabeth is really upset about. She was a boring little teacher’s pet from an early age. Elizabeth complains that it will be boring at home without Jessica, and that she doesn’t want to lose a star in the contest. For god’s sake, child, you just broke your arm. Shut up and watch some cartoons, okay?
Elizabeth so bored that she’s counting the minutes. At one point she actually thinks, “six hours until Jessica gets back.” Why isn’t Alice playing a board game with this kid, or something? Just then, the doorbell rings. Elizabeth runs to get it, and it’s a balloon delivery man. He hands over a bundle of balloons and a card that says “Get well soon, with love from the Suttons.” The Suttons are trying not to get sued. No mention has been made of Ned, but I’m sure Mr. Sutton knows he’s a lawyer and is just thinking ahead.
Meanwhile, at school, Jessica is not having a good day. Since Elizabeth is absent, she has to be partners with Winston Egbert (who is already a geek) for some unspecified class assignment. She also forgets her lunch and is teased all day.
When Jessica gets home, she’s in a really bad mood. So when Elizabeth shows her the balloons she got, along with some candy and flowers that were also delivered to her, Jessica feels jealous. She reports to Elizabeth with the glee of a junior sociopath that she and Lila are now tied for first place in the zookeeper contest.
Elizabeth goes back to school the next day and everyone signs her cast. Mrs. Otis suggests she get up in front of everyone and share what happened. Really? Mrs. Otis doesn’t know what happened. What if she’d broken her arm because her dad pushed her down the stairs when he was drunk? Anyway, Elizabeth starts to tell what happened, and Jessica gets jealous that she’s getting all the attention, so she jumps in and basically commandeers the entire story. Amy calls her on it, and Jessica pouts.
The next day, Jessica is still jealous of all the attention Elizabeth is getting. More and more, she’s rooting for Lila to win this ridiculous zookeeper contest. Do you have any idea how much I hate typing “zookeeper contest”? What an absurd phrase.
Anyway, Lila’s determined to win, so she steals Elizabeth’s spelling homework and throws it away. Oh noes! Jessica sees her, but she doesn’t say anything. Scandalous. Elizabeth freaks out, and Caroline Pearce tells her that she saw Lila steal it. Ever the ice princess, Lila admits to nothing, and her stately demeanor doesn’t give anything away. Also remaining in character is Elizabeth, the doormat, who decides not to tell Mrs. Otis, since “Lila will probably lose a star for talking, anyway.” A little part of Elizabeth dies when Mrs. Otis erases one of her stars, putting her into second place.
However, Sweet Valley would fall apart if Elizabeth didn’t win every contest vaguely related to ass-kissing, so it’s not surprising when Lila loses a star the next day when she’s caught passing notes with Ellen. At the end of the day, Lila and Elizabeth are tied for first place with eight stars each. Mrs. Otis breaks out the top-secret zoo question, which is about nocturnal animals. Specifically, what are they? Lila has no idea, and spouts off some dumb thing about animals who knock on stuff. Elizabeth, of course, answers correctly, and the sacred title of Assistant Zookeeper is bestowed upon her.
Jessica’s pissed that Elizabeth won, and Elizabeth’s pissed that Jessica’s pissed. I can smell the passive aggression from here. When they get home from school, Ned makes some comment about twin thunderclouds that I think made me vomit in my mouth the first time I read it. I’m immune now, though, don’t worry.
There’s a batch of fresh-baked cookies sitting in the kitchen, and the twins make up in about 2.5 seconds. Now that they’re friends again, Jessica is happy for Elizabeth re: the whole zookeeper fiasco, and they laugh about how Lila probably wouldn’t know how to hold the animals. “Or she’d wonder why they weren’t banging their heads against anything.” This actually made me laugh.
On Monday the zookeeper comes. Elizabeth goes up to assist her. Kids pet the animals.
At lunch Lila finds a plastic tarantula in her lunchbox - payback from the twins for stealing Elizabeth’s homework. There’s a note taped to it that says “Tarantulas don’t like it when you steal.” Oh, you guys!
The next book apparently involves Elizabeth becoming addicted to some video game. This seems horribly out of character, and like a particularly annoying book. I’d love if someone recapped it.
Anyway, Elizabeth and Jessica go to Amy Sutton’s house after school the next day. Apparently, this is pre-Jessica deciding Amy’s a loser, and pre-pre-Amy deciding the same thing about Elizabeth. We learn that in the zookeeper star contest, Elizabeth is in first place and Jessica is in last place. At this point, I’d like to make two comments: one, some things never change, and two, I can’t believe the subplot in this book is about stars drawn on a chalkboard.
Moving on. Amy shows Jessica and Elizabeth this big tree in her backyard. The ghostwriter inserts some commentary about how the twins are expert tree-climbers, and they all set off up the tree. They’re high enough to see the roof of Amy’s house when the branch Elizabeth is on begins to snap, and she falls out of the tree, thus providing my favorite illustration in this book:
Amy and Jessica “scramble” down the tree, where Elizabeth is clutching her arm and weeping. Amy runs to get her dad, and they take Elizabeth to the hospital.
Mrs. Wakefield is already waiting at the hospital by the time they get there. Oh yeah, they called her.
Elizabeth goes into the emergency room and comes out a short while later wearing a cast on her arm. For some reason Amy and Jessica think wearing a cast is the coolest thing ever, and they’re really impressed by it. Elizabeth produces a “special pen that’s just for writing on casts” so that they can sign it. Jessica draws a huge heart around her signature, and Amy writes “I’m sorry about the tree.” I believe the snark has written itself.
Mrs. Wakefield makes Elizabeth stay home from school the next day, which Elizabeth is really upset about. She was a boring little teacher’s pet from an early age. Elizabeth complains that it will be boring at home without Jessica, and that she doesn’t want to lose a star in the contest. For god’s sake, child, you just broke your arm. Shut up and watch some cartoons, okay?
Elizabeth so bored that she’s counting the minutes. At one point she actually thinks, “six hours until Jessica gets back.” Why isn’t Alice playing a board game with this kid, or something? Just then, the doorbell rings. Elizabeth runs to get it, and it’s a balloon delivery man. He hands over a bundle of balloons and a card that says “Get well soon, with love from the Suttons.” The Suttons are trying not to get sued. No mention has been made of Ned, but I’m sure Mr. Sutton knows he’s a lawyer and is just thinking ahead.
Meanwhile, at school, Jessica is not having a good day. Since Elizabeth is absent, she has to be partners with Winston Egbert (who is already a geek) for some unspecified class assignment. She also forgets her lunch and is teased all day.
When Jessica gets home, she’s in a really bad mood. So when Elizabeth shows her the balloons she got, along with some candy and flowers that were also delivered to her, Jessica feels jealous. She reports to Elizabeth with the glee of a junior sociopath that she and Lila are now tied for first place in the zookeeper contest.
Elizabeth goes back to school the next day and everyone signs her cast. Mrs. Otis suggests she get up in front of everyone and share what happened. Really? Mrs. Otis doesn’t know what happened. What if she’d broken her arm because her dad pushed her down the stairs when he was drunk? Anyway, Elizabeth starts to tell what happened, and Jessica gets jealous that she’s getting all the attention, so she jumps in and basically commandeers the entire story. Amy calls her on it, and Jessica pouts.
The next day, Jessica is still jealous of all the attention Elizabeth is getting. More and more, she’s rooting for Lila to win this ridiculous zookeeper contest. Do you have any idea how much I hate typing “zookeeper contest”? What an absurd phrase.
Anyway, Lila’s determined to win, so she steals Elizabeth’s spelling homework and throws it away. Oh noes! Jessica sees her, but she doesn’t say anything. Scandalous. Elizabeth freaks out, and Caroline Pearce tells her that she saw Lila steal it. Ever the ice princess, Lila admits to nothing, and her stately demeanor doesn’t give anything away. Also remaining in character is Elizabeth, the doormat, who decides not to tell Mrs. Otis, since “Lila will probably lose a star for talking, anyway.” A little part of Elizabeth dies when Mrs. Otis erases one of her stars, putting her into second place.
However, Sweet Valley would fall apart if Elizabeth didn’t win every contest vaguely related to ass-kissing, so it’s not surprising when Lila loses a star the next day when she’s caught passing notes with Ellen. At the end of the day, Lila and Elizabeth are tied for first place with eight stars each. Mrs. Otis breaks out the top-secret zoo question, which is about nocturnal animals. Specifically, what are they? Lila has no idea, and spouts off some dumb thing about animals who knock on stuff. Elizabeth, of course, answers correctly, and the sacred title of Assistant Zookeeper is bestowed upon her.
Jessica’s pissed that Elizabeth won, and Elizabeth’s pissed that Jessica’s pissed. I can smell the passive aggression from here. When they get home from school, Ned makes some comment about twin thunderclouds that I think made me vomit in my mouth the first time I read it. I’m immune now, though, don’t worry.
There’s a batch of fresh-baked cookies sitting in the kitchen, and the twins make up in about 2.5 seconds. Now that they’re friends again, Jessica is happy for Elizabeth re: the whole zookeeper fiasco, and they laugh about how Lila probably wouldn’t know how to hold the animals. “Or she’d wonder why they weren’t banging their heads against anything.” This actually made me laugh.
On Monday the zookeeper comes. Elizabeth goes up to assist her. Kids pet the animals.
At lunch Lila finds a plastic tarantula in her lunchbox - payback from the twins for stealing Elizabeth’s homework. There’s a note taped to it that says “Tarantulas don’t like it when you steal.” Oh, you guys!
The next book apparently involves Elizabeth becoming addicted to some video game. This seems horribly out of character, and like a particularly annoying book. I’d love if someone recapped it.