round 13 - team canon - he must not forget that he is so important - 7/7

[mentalistecbm]

                It was three days before Niall needed to be back in London since they had an interview coming up. However, that fact did not give him any motivation to actually start packing. Niall sat on the couch watching some random news program while he at his cereal. His phone startled him as it buzzed on the coffee table. Liam. Liam sent a text. Niall set his bowl of cereal in his lap, holding the spoon in his mouth as he checked the text.

Liam:

I don’t mean to be a bother, but I was curious if you are going to be back in London soon?”

Niall knew exactly why Liam was asking that. Always trying to keep them all on track, on time and in line. Niall smiled to himself around the spoon. Still not really wanting to go back to London yet because the peace of being here is so wonderful, Niall decides to text back as little as possible without leaving any crumbs for Liam to ask about.

Not likely

Niall sent the text and went back to his cereal. Niall stops paying attention to the TV and finds himself lost in his thoughts. This is not fair to the guys to up and leave on them. He is in this band with them. They are in this band with him. This was a true team effort - there was no One Direction without him and he knew that. If any one of them was to leave that would be the end of One Direction. For goodness sakes, there was a few occasions where they refused to even introduce themselves as One Direction because Zayn was not there due to a family emergency. But that was Zayn. Niall huffed into his cereal and reaffirmed himself that he needed to keep away for a little bit longer.

Liam glanced at his phone as it vibrated in his hand. Niall responded faster than he had anticipated. Liam stared at Niall’s response, not sure how to take it. He knew that Niall knew they had an interview in a few days so maybe Niall’s definition of “soon” was different from Liam’s? Though, it’s not like there is a lot of wiggle room within three days for “soon” to be misunderstood. Liam turned his attention to the three sitting in the room with him.

“He said not likely…” Liam said in a monotone voice.

“Huh…” Louis and Harry said in unison.

Zayn said nothing, just fiddled with the zipper of his hoodie. Liam slipped his phone into his pocket and leaned back in his chair feeling like they should talk about what to do or why this is even happening.

“Do you think we…” Liam looked from Zayn to Louis. “Caused this? From you know… that day?” Liam said quickly.

“No. Absolutely not. Why would that have caused him to go dark on us?” Louis crossed his arms over his chest.

Harry shifted in his seat, looking down at his hands avoiding looking anyone in the eye. No one noticed Harry sinking back into his seat.

“Then what?” Liam rubbed his palms over his knees.

“Maybe everything just became too much?” Zayn suggested, lifting his hand lazily into the air.

No one said anything for a little while, just looked down at the floor or their hands. Liam broke the silence first.

“Did he talk to you guys about anything?” Liam asked desperately.

Louis and Zayn shook their heads, looking at Liam equally as concerned. Harry still said nothing, but shook his head slowly.  Harry felt overwhelmingly guilty for never talking to Niall about what they did together. But Niall is always just so easy going and down for most anything so Harry figured that was probably how he felt about that despite it being a first time experience. Harry also felt stupid for not actually stopping and thinking about it from Niall’s perspective. Harry did give that to Niall, and it’s not something you just over look or ignore. Harry knew Niall was somewhat nervous that night but not enough to cause problems since it happened and the next morning was like every other morning it seemed.

Harry wanted to leave the room and call Niall and apologize and beg him to come back so they could talk. But Harry remained seated, as the weight of the situation hit him. He needed Niall there. Niall was his best friend and he had not realized how close he had grown to Niall over the last two years. Harry hated how it took Niall being out of his life so significantly for weeks for him to see the bigger picture. Harry looked up at Liam and felt his stomach do a back flip. Liam smiled at him with his soft, caring smile. Harry needed all of them. Not just needed them in his life, but completely needed to be in contact with them and know they were okay at all times.

Liam was the anchor and the guiding light in the dead of night when they could not find their way. Liam was the foundation, always there no matter how shaky, crumbling or broken he was, he was still always there supporting them - his promises were as tangible as his embraces and hands on their shoulders when he was holding them up. Pulling his eyes from Liam’s soft chocolate brown eyes, Harry looked at Louis and felt his throat tighten up.

Louis. Louis was the air around them and in them. He never failed to cheer them up. He was like the wind - always moving and changing without any warning. One minute he could be soft, warm and calming but the next he could be cold and lashing out at those who dare to hurt them in any way - be it physically, emotionally or mentally. Louis filled their lungs with laughter and hope. Louis smiled at Harry his soft smile that only they see when things are quiet and subdue.

Harry blinked and switched his gaze to Zayn. Zayn was the moon and the stars. Despite how bad the day was Zayn was going to be there for you that night. Never trying to force and absolute solution but providing little glimmers of hope and positivity when everything seems so dark and dim. He always found a way to quiet them all down and spread a blanket of serene stillness over them when things seem impossibly chaotic. He never failed to keep spinning even when they fell. Zayn nodded at Harry slightly, his tongue pushed against the back of his top teeth.

Harry looked back down at his hands. And then there was Niall. The sun. Niall was warm and bright. His smile and laugh burned through people, leaving a lasting effect on their minds and mood. It was hard to resist being around Niall - everything about him shined brilliant and optimistic. His aura was a promise that everything was going to be okay despite everything else that was falling apart. His hugs were warm and comforting. Niall was the sunbeam that kept them going even when they were drained and had no more to give - he encouraged them on just a little bit more.

Harry knew that they all needed Niall and that the longer Niall stayed away, the harder it was going to become. They were one unit that needed all of its parts to function and run efficiently. Niall was the missing piece that had them all out of sorts. It was eye opening to all of them how much they needed one another and how spending virtually every day of the last two years together has created this entity that is them. One organism of one mind.

Liam wanted to make a plan as to what to do in case Niall did not make it back for the interview. They all agreed to just say that Niall was ill and unable to attend the interview and leave it at that. A couple hours later Liam got a call from management telling them that Niall has refused to come back in time for the interview and that they were going to allow him a small hiatus to “get his head on proper” and that they were to say that Niall was ill as they had already planned. Liam relayed the message to the guys, feeling slightly numb and even more confused as to why Niall was doing this. Harry got up from the couch and headed for the front door of Liam’s home but stopped and turned back to face Zayn, Louis and Liam - all watching him.

“I was going to go home… but I don’t want to be alone…” Harry said through his raspy voice.

“Yeah… Mind if I crash here?” Zayn looked at Liam, his eyes wide.

“Yeah…” Louis sighed.

“Not at all. Please.” Liam said, looking at Harry.

Harry nodded before raising his phone and wiggling it and stepping out of the room to call Niall.  Closing the door to the back room behind him, Harry leaned against the door searching through his favorites list on his phone for Niall’s name.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

Voicemail. Harry signed while listening to the short message not having actually expected Niall to answer his call. Harry decided at the last second to leave a voicemail.

“Uhm… Hi… I just wanted to talk to you about us having sex. I hope that’s not the reason you left… I should have made time to talk to you about it the next day or so… You seemed okay. We were okay. Or I thought we were? I’m sorry Niall if I’m the reason you need to clear you head… or whatever it is you are doing. Just call me Niall. Please.”

Harry ended the call and slipped his phone into his pocket, sill leaning against the door. Harry returns to the room where the other three are lounging back watching some movie that Harry does not recognize. The next three days are quiet and spent watching movies, take away and curled up with each other. The morning of the interview was no different than the past few days. They were quiet and surprisingly calm for their whole team to deal with. Everything was wrong for them. It felt like their pulses were even off or like looking through a funny tinted sun glasses that make your head feel funny and hurts your eyes.

Niall found himself falling into a routine of waking up, pouring a bowl of cereal and parking himself in front of the TV for a couple hours before picking up his guitar and playing around a bit before turning on FIFA. Niall was aware that today was the day of the interview that he should have went back to London for, but here he is, sitting in his boxers and socks, holding a giant bowl of cereal and a remote in the other hand. Niall told himself last night while lying in bed that he was not going to tune into the interview because it would only annoy him to see them working without him. Despite himself, Niall turned on the TV program just as the host was introducing One Direction. Niall huffed to himself because they are not One Direction when all five of them are not there.

There was a small couch for them to squeeze onto - however, the lack of Niall allowed them to sit relatively normal. But they didn’t. They still sat shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip and leg to leg, feet almost intertwined. The first question that the interviewer asks is about where Niall is. Liam takes the lead as usual and gives some strained explanation about how Niall is at home quite ill. The interviewer frowns and says, “Poor baby” before moving on. Niall scooted forward on the couch so he was sitting on the edge of his seat, still holding his bowl of cereal but not actually eating it at this point. The interviewer starts asking the typical questions about, “Take Me Home” and the singles that are out and about the next single. Louis and Liam take the lead on these questions, answering them how they usually do. And then the interviewer asks a question no one expects exactly.

“It must be hard having one of you guys ill or unable to be with you for things like performances or interviews. Do you think that has a lot to do with how you were formed as a group? Like being thrown together and forced to bond and be together all the time?” She finished asking finally.

Liam raised his eye brows and look at Louis, who was equally as perplexed by the change in direction of the interview. Louis looked off the stage to where some of their team stood looking for any sign from them as to how to answer the question. No one moved. Louis looked back at Liam getting ready to answer but Harry spoke up.

“I think no matter the situation it’s going to be hard for us to continue working when one of us can’t be with us for whatever reason. It’s the only thing we know really… being together as a group. None of us have been solo so we work really well as a group. I think how we came to be a group does have a lot to do with how we close we are, but I think for any band or group… not having one of your members is going to affect your performance or just… interactions with others as a band…” Harry rattled out.

Zayn stared at Harry slightly in awe of Harry’s answer and not expecting Harry to say a word during the interview unless he was directly addressed by the interviewer. Liam smiled at the interviewer as he slowly slipped his hand onto Harry’s knee and patted his knee gently in appreciation for his answer to that question. Harry leaned against Liam even more than he already was and relaxed against him. Niall gripped the spoon in his hand tightly, seeing the tension in them. Niall chalks it up to them having to lie about the situation - which is something none of them have ever been okay with doing to their fans. But Niall gave them no choice.

Niall is not sure why he is still so content to not go back to London and resume his life. This interview just proved to him that they don’t need him to get by. Besides, they are all probably having late night foursomes at each other’s houses. Happily living their lives and getting on just fine without him around. Niall took a bite of his now soggy cereal just for something to do to dumb his thoughts down. He knew that this routine he has fallen into is not healthy. It is a perpetual pity party and that is one thing Niall has never been able to stand - people having pity parties. It’s not a good look on anyone. Getting up and pouring his soggy cereal down the sink, Niall decides to go kick a football around just to burn off some of this sudden restlessness sparked by his emotions.

The guys have been lucky enough to not have a performance at any point during Niall having his little hiatus-mind clearing-whatever thing. However, next week was going to be really interesting considering they have a performance for the X-Factor. At this point, they were all tired of rolling around on one another’s floors and in one another’s beds restlessly trying to comfort each other at night - so they all had taken up to texting Niall asking when he was going to come back to London. Niall did not respond because he did not know yet. Louis was fed up with Niall sticking his head in the sand and ignoring them.

“This is not fucking fair to us. He needs to suck it up… whatever it is and get his ass back here and suit the fuck up with us.” Louis fumed.

Liam winced at Louis’ words.

“Maybe something serious is really going on. We don’t know…” Liam tried to defuse Louis.

“Well we are in this together. He should have at least had the common courtesy to tell us what the fuck is going on!” Louis’ raised his voice now.

“You’re right.” Liam said defeated.

Louis’ chest deflated and he dropped his eyes to the floor, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry Li, I did not mean to take it out on you… just what the fuck Niall.” Louis said softly.

“Maybe we could just show up on his doorstep and drag him back with us…” Zayn suggested.

“If he is avoiding us through text and calls, do you really think us just showing up at his door with no warning would really go over well?” Liam pointed out.

Zayn shrugged, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of the breast pocket of his jean jacket.

“Just an idea…” Zayn shrugged as he fiddled with the pack in his hands.

Harry liked Zayn’s idea but knew that Liam was right. Plus, management would probably say something about it being too risky for them all to just up and suddenly fly to Ireland because security would have to be arranged and that is just more work than it’s worth when it’s easier for a couple of them and Paul to go and drag Niall back. Which is exactly what ends up happening. Niall was laying back on the couch watching a football game when his phone lit up. Paul. Niall let it ring through to voicemail like usual. About ten minutes later there is a strong knock on the door. Not even thinking about who it could be at this time of the day, Niall rolled off the couch and dragged his feet across the floor as he approached the door.

Niall pulled open the door, startled by Paul standing on his doorstep, smiling at him. Paul did not wait to be invited in, he just came in. Niall stood holding the door open, shocked and confused by the appearance of Paul.

“Uh… Hi.” Niall said slightly annoyed.

“Hi.” Paul said stiffly.

“Do you need something or…? Niall asked as he shoved the door closed.

“Yeah… you.” Paul said slowly, eyeing Niall.

Niall shook his head. Paul nodded his head.

“It’s time to go back to London, Niall. You have had four weeks off now. Everyone has been very patient with you. More than patient really. How about you go pack and we will get going.” Paul said calmly.

Niall stared back at Paul, not moving from where he stood, trying to hold his ground.

“I really don’t have a choice do I?” Niall asked.

“Nope.” Paul said quickly.

“Alright. Well I have no chance against you so…” Niall caved.

Niall sulked off to his room to collect his stuff, annoyed with himself at how easily he gave up. But then again, it was Paul and Niall knew that management was probably in the car waiting for him so that they could really talk to him and fill him in on what has been going on, what’s going to happen and what they are going to do to punish him for his actions. At least it was not one of the guys that showed up on his door step - that would have ended badly. At least then Niall would have actually held his ground - mainly because he had at least a better chance against them. Niall did not bother to pack neatly, he just wanted to get this trip back to London over with so he could shut himself up in his flat and prepare himself for the next day. Oh, and probably answer the hundred or so texts he has waiting on his phone as well as the voicemails.

It was not exactly strange to be back in London but Niall was reluctant to let himself fall back into a relaxed routine with the guys again. It still just felt off. He was thankful that the friends he reconnected with over the last four weeks or so was keeping in contact with him. It helped Niall to keep his mind occupied from what he had to face tomorrow - rehearsal for their X-Factor performance of, “Little Things”. It would only take a couple hours and then Niall would be free to curl up back at home, have a pint and enjoy some TV. Being back in London has not changed his desire to not be social or do much of anything really. That night, Niall could not fall asleep. His mind was playing out all the scenarios of how tomorrow was going to go when he reunited with the guys for the first time after the last weeks he has been away. Finally, Niall fell into a restless sleep.

Liam was not really sure what to expect today. They all knew that Niall was back in London, but he had remained silent - not contacting them. But to be fair, Liam knew that none of them had tried to contact Niall and friendship is a two way road. Liam felt a stab of guilt over that fact, but none of them had any idea what to even say to Niall. Liam wanted to apologize to him for the last time he saw Niall; he could only imagine what was going through Niall’s head when he walked in on that scene. Liam still has a hard time believing that he let things get that heated. Liam was the first one to the studios. He was not expecting anything different. Dropping back into the chair across from the door, Liam pulled out his phone to scroll through twitter while waiting for the others.

Harry sulked into the room, nodding at Liam as he dropped down onto the center seat of the couch. Harry stared at Liam until he put his phone down, turning his attention to Harry.

“Have you heard from Niall?” Harry asked already knowing the answer.

Liam shook his head with a half-shrug. Harry nodded against dropping his eyes to his hands. Louis and Zayn stumbled in, eyes puffy, hair still showing signs of sleep. Louis fell back onto the couch next to Harry, lying his head down on the arm rest. Closing his eye, Louis let out an annoyed moan.

“Whhhyyyyyyy do we have to be here so early?” Louis did not move.

Liam rested his head back against the chair, looking at Louis.

“So that we have enough time to have a proper rehearsal…” Liam answered. “What did you two do last night?” Liam asked Louis and turning his attention to Zayn.

Zayn was curled up in the fetal position in the other chair, asleep. Liam looked back at Louis who opened one eye at Liam.

“Had a few too many drinks basically. He crashed at mine.” Louis said, closing his eye again. “Heyyyy, have any of you heard from Niall?” Louis dragged his cheek backwards against the arm rest.

Zayn perked up at Niall’s name.

“I doubt it.” Zayn mumbled sleepily.

Apparently Zayn was not asleep. Liam rolled his eyes to himself.

“Why would he contact us now?” Zayn said bitterly.

Louis sat up now, resting his head back on the couch now as he sighed. Harry could feel that everyone’s emotions were almost at a boiling point. It made him uncomfortable to the point that every position he sat in felt wrong. Like a heartbeat, their emotions were pulsing off them - each wave cutting through Harry and causing him to sink a little farther into his seat; wanting to avoid any more waves. They were all emotionally drained from this ordeal of Niall up and leaving. There is only so much they could do at this point to comfort one another and even that was proving less and less effective. Niall did not show up until about thirty minutes prior to rehearsal - walking slowly into the dressing room, looking at the floor.

Liam sat up in his chair at Niall’s arrival.

“Hi!” Liam said brightly.

Niall looked up slowly, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“Hi.” Niall said slowly.

Zayn turned and sat up in the chair just as Harry and Louis sat forward on the couch. Liam stood up and took a few steps towards Niall.

“You alright?” Liam asked cautiously.

Niall nodded.

“Yeah. You alright?” Niall asked automatically.

Liam nodded in response.

“So…” Liam started but Niall stopped him.

“So rehearsal… let’s get this going.” Niall said as chipper as possible, trying to avoid any awkwardness.

They all stared at him, not saying anything or moving from their positions. Niall moved across the room to the table along the wall, dropping his jumper and bottle of orange juice there. Working to put his in-ears in, Niall could feel four sets of eyes on his back. Liam appeared next to him, also fiddling with his in-ears. Niall did not want to look at him because he knew Liam would take that as in invitation to start talking to him; most likely about the elephant in the room in a very gentle way. Niall turned on the spot ready to head out of the room but walked right into Zayn.

“Ooop! Sorry!” Zayn said sleepily as he set his hands on Niall’s chest gently.

Niall stepped around Zayn, smiling half-heartedly. Niall left the room, leaving the four of them starring at the doorway, and confused as to what just happened. Niall wandered to the stage and sat down on his box waiting for the others to join him. It was significantly less awkward than he was anticipating. The tension was there no doubt, but no one was addressing it - out of caution for him or out of worry for what they were going to say if they opened up that door Niall did not know. Rehearsal came and went with little talking. They got down to business and got it done quickly. All five of them were surprised at how well they sounded, especially after the last four weeks or so.

Niall was starving after rehearsals, slightly regretting not eating a bigger breakfast and also thankful for an excuse to disappear for the rest of the day. Niall was torn. He made it back to the dressing room first. Pulling on his jumper as he turned around, Niall started walking towards the door before he could see. Walking straight into the back of Harry would was walking backwards into the room, talking to one of the lighting techs in the hallway. Harry turned around suddenly apologizing but stopped speaking the instant he saw it was Niall he collided with. Harry backed up, still looking at Niall.

“M’sorry…” Harry said timidly.

“It’s fine.” Niall shakes his head.

Neither of them move or say anything - just standing there in some kind of limbo. Harry swallowed hard. This was the first time they have been truly alone since they slept together. Niall wanted to say something about anything. Just to break the tension but for some reason he found himself being annoyed by Harry’s awkwardness at the moment. It never used to be like that. Niall stomach growled loudly.

“Hungry?” Harry asked.

“What else…” Niall tilted his head slightly.

“Well… you better get something then…” Harry mumbled, stepping to the side.

Niall nodded his head at Harry and left the dressing room. Niall knew that Harry was trying to find a way to talk to him, but just could not find the right words to actually bring it up. Walking out of the building Niall was slightly kicking himself for not bringing it up himself but does he actually want to talk about it? Not really. Niall ended up picking up lunch and dinner and probably a midnight meal and headed home for the night to eat the hours away until he dragged himself to bed. The night went quickly and Niall found himself asleep on his couch at four in the morning or so. Basically Zombie walking to his bed and falling face first onto the mound of pillows and instantly falling back to sleep. When his alarm went off the next morning , Niall stared at the numbers on his clock - counting the hours until he had to endure awkwardness.

Their performance went as perfect as they could have hoped for considering everything that has happened. But after rehearsals yesterday, no one had any real worries work wise. Louis talked Liam, Zayn and Harry into coming back to his place after they were done with X-Factor stuff to just hangout, play some FIFA and maybe have a beer or two. Louis wandered over to where Niall was changing out of his stage kit.

“Hey man.” Louis said as he pulled the orange jumper over his head.

Niall turned his head and looked at Louis.

“Hey.” Niall responded.

Louis set his jumper down surprisingly neat and turned to face Niall.

“The other lads are coming over to mine for a pint and some FIFA… you want to join?” Louis asked calmly.

Niall could feel Louis’ eyes on his face. Niall had nothing planned for the night and actually did not want to be alone for a change. Still rather apprehensive about everything, Niall took a slow breath in and turned to look at Louis.

“Yeah… alright.” Niall agreed.

Louis’ face lit up with his sparkling teeth.

“Brilliant!” Louis said eagerly, clapping Niall on the back.

Louis disappeared from Niall’s side - unknown to Niall, Louis gave Liam a thumbs up happily. Liam smiled to himself and continued to change out of his stage kit along with the others. Harry offered to drive them all t Louis’ since he drove his Range Rover there that day. All of them agreed to it. Once at Louis’, Liam dropped his coat on the back of a kitchen chair and made a b-line straight for the game console turning FIFA on while Louis gathered up five beers and passed them out without even asking if anyone actually wanted one. Niall took the beer happily, really feeling like he could use a couple more right now. It had only been four weeks. There is no reason for two years of everything to have disappeared. But here he sat, feeling out of place and like an outsider. Liam sat down on the couch next to Niall, Zayn falling into the seat next to him. Harry and Louis took seats on the floor in front of the couch, leaning back against Liam and Zayn’s legs now.

There was a low murmur of conversation happening. Mainly taunting and bickering over the game. Niall pulled his phone out of his pocket, leaning back against the couch and scrolling through twitter to check the reactions of the fans to their X-Factor performance. His attention far from the game or what the guys were saying, Niall ended up reading some articles on guitars and football. Liam huffed a few times when Niall ignored his offers to take his controller and play. Zayn leaned forward around Liam, looking at Niall to ask him something but Niall missed what was said and turned his attention back to his phone.

“Dude… why are you not answering me?” Zayn raised his voice at Niall.

Niall looked up and at Zayn and shrugged.

“Miserable twat.” Zayn muttered under his breath.

Liam elbowed Zayn knocking the wind out of Zayn a little bit.

“What?!” Zayn hissed at Liam.

“Please don’t be like that.” Liam looked anxiously at Zayn.

“Well if he would not ignore my question I wouldn’t call him a miserable twat.” Zayn put emphasis on the last two words as he raised his voice.

“I didn’t hear the question…” Niall said almost bored like.

Zayn shook his head once and jutted his head out with an annoyed look on his face.

“Then usually you ask someone to repeat what they said so you can actually hear it.” Zayn said with a “duh” tone to his voice.

Niall shrugged again and looked back at his phone. Zayn squinted at Niall, shaking his head in disbelief. Liam was plastered back against the couch not wanting to make any sudden movements.

You’ve got to be kidding me…” Zayn huffed.

Harry set his empty beer bottle down on the floor, having been facing the three on the couch the whole time.

“Niall…” Harry said in a pleading sort of voice.

Niall looked up at Harry.

“Do you think maybe you could just… put your phone down and maybe… play a match?” Harry asked weakly.

Niall stared at Harry for a moment before setting his phone between his legs.

“I don’t care to play a match.” Niall said emotionless.

Harry took a deep breath before nodding his head and glancing at Liam who was still pressed as far back on the couch as he could be. Harry stood up, snatching up his empty beer bottle first.

“Anyone want another?” Harry asked the room.

“Yeah. Please.” Zayn said stiffly before downing what was left of his first.

Louis stuck his empty bottle into the air silently. Harry took it, knowing that was a yes. Liam shook his head and wiggled the half full bottle in his left hand. Harry moved his eyes onto Niall who was picking at the fabric of the couch. Harry continued to look at Niall, waiting for any kind of response. No one said anything, just looked from Harry to Niall. Harry snapped. He slammed the two bottles down onto the side table startling all of them. Niall looked up at Harry suddenly.

“What’s going on? Seriously Niall. What the hell is this?” Harry said, his voice wavering as he tried to keep his voice quiet.

Niall’s eyes went wide. No one moved. Niall shook his head.

“Oooh. Okay.” Harry nodded his head out of annoyance. “I see, you are going to ignore my questions too. Don’t tell me you didn’t hear me because I know you did.” Harry squinted his eyes on the last four words. “You up and left us… without even a warning. What happened?” Harry tugged at the white shirt peeking out from under his button up top.

Liam blushed and his eyes landed on Louis who was now turned facing the couch, his mouth wide open. Harry was glaring at Niall now, no green visible. Niall was looking back, his eyes wide and piercing.

“Yeah. Okay… don’t answer. That’s fine. Just keep being a complete asshole and ignoring us and treating us like complete rubbish. No big deal.” Harry sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and started to chew on it.

Niall slid forward on the couch before standing up, his phone in hand.

“What happened? What happened?” Niall hissed. “What happened is that you all ignored me. Forgot about me. You went on with your lives… visiting friends and family so easily. It’s like you guys keep forgetting that I am not from the UK. My family and friends… my life is back in Ireland. Not just a drive or train ride away…” Niall’s cheeks were pink and spotty now. “I rung you guys time after time trying t’hang out but you were always too busy for me or already hanging out together…” Niall looked at Zayn and Louis. “What happened is that I saw everything. Everything. It’s like you all are oblivious to what the others do. I did not sign up for this. I always saw. I saw all of you all over one another. Fuck…” Niall laughed. “I walked in on Louis with his cock in hand while Liam and Zayn were one slip of a dick away from fucking…” Niall exhaled hard. “And don’t even get me started on you…” Niall motioned at Harry. “You are probably the worst out of all of us. I’ve seen you with all of them… plus me…” Niall pointed quickly at Liam, Zayn and Louis. “You are easy and have no regard for what you do or who you are doing. Just going around fucking anything that you can despite being with one of them the night before probably…” Niall’s cheeks and ears were red now. “You didn’t even bother to talk to me about what we did… your phone call weeks later was too late. You don’t just let someone fuck you for the first time and not talk about it.” Niall’s accent thick and heavy now as he pushed the rest of the air in his lungs out hard. “Easy.” Niall said clearly, looking Harry in the eye.

Harry’s jaw was on the floor two times over. His fists were no longer clenched. He was looking at Niall, not breathing; his eyes glimmering from the tears rimming his eyes now. Harry exhaled slowly through is nose, closing his mouth and blinking a few times. Swallowing hard, his throat dry.

“For the record… I haven’t slept with Harry.” Louis’ eyes were wide as he looked up at Niall. “In fact, I haven’t slept with any of you…” Louis shrugged.

Liam and Zayn looked at one another.

“I haven’t…” Liam’s voice cracked. “I haven’t slept with any of you either.”

“Yeah… same here…” Zayn added.

Niall’s eyes shot back up to Harry’s, who was still holding back tears. Niall felt awful and embarrassed. He greatly misjudged Harry’s actions. Niall felt like he was going to be sick - he has never seen Harry so hurt before and it’s all because of his own words. Niall could not breathe.

“Is… there anything you would like to add to the record Niall?” Louis asked smugly.

Despite the tears harassing Harry’s eyes, he still blushes at Louis’ words. Niall felt his back and chest instantly heat up. Louis jumps up from the floor laughing.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” Louis kept bouncing around like a kid in a candy store.

Finally stopping bouncing around at Liam’s strained look of disapproval, Louis looked at Niall suddenly.

“That’s why you went bat-shit and ran away from us?” Louis asks confused.

Niall felt another wave of anger flood through his veins. Throwing his arms into the air, now gripping his phone tightly,

“Well what d’you want me t’say?!” Niall’s voice echoed through the whole downstairs now

No one said anything, just locked their eyes onto him, honestly afraid to say anything for fear of setting another bomb off that was clearly lurking under the surface.

“WHAT THE FUCK D’YOU WANT ME T’SAY YOU WANKERS?!” Niall yelled at them. “You didn’t want me anymore! Even after everything we did together!” Niall finished.

Liam’s head snapped to the side looking up at Harry’s still tear touched eyes before dropping to meet Zayn’s equally as panicked eyes and finally landing on Louis’ worried eyes. Harry felt what was left of his heart shatter into a million little pieces; still painfully confused as to how one of his best mates ended up in this kind of emotional state.

“You have to be kidding me right now. You lot have no idea that all of you were seriously messing around with one another the whole time?” A smile pulls across Niall’s face - a strange smile that is not happy. “You really thought I was bluffing before huh?” Niall exploded into frantic laughter.

Turning around on the spot and chucking his phone into the chair across the room.

“This is hilariously messed up.” Niall exhaled, that smile still on his face.

Harry finally moved from the spot he was standing and walked up to Niall slowly.

“I’ve… we’ve… I’ve always wanted… needed you. All of you.” Harry practically cried out as he gazed at Niall with that intense serial killer gaze only Harry could pull. “You have no idea what it was like for us when you were gone… It was like our whole universe had been sucked into a black hole and we were lost. Nothing felt right. It hurt in every possible way.” Harry did not blink.

Harry pulled Niall into a tight hug, pressing his face into the crook of Niall’s neck and dry sobbing for a moment before lifting his head up and pressing his cheek against Niall’s.

“Don’t you ever forget how important you are to me… to all of us.” Harry whispered loud enough for the other three to hear.

Louis practically sprinted across the six feet between him, Niall and Harry - slamming his body into the side of theirs and throwing his arms around their backs pulling them even closer. Niall felt Liam and Zayn slam in around him seconds later. Niall was the one to let out a dry sob this time. No one said anything - no one dared to say anything in this moment. The whole atmosphere of the room shifted in an instant. What was once tense and awkward was now replaced with calm and right right right. The sense of tranquility and comfort permeated through the room. Niall was positive he could feel all of their pulses where they were touching him - pulsing in sync with his own.

Niall had a mixture of emotions flooding through him. Relief, love, embarrassment, annoyance, guilt, happiness, sadness, frustration, confusion. He could not believe how stupid he had been for the last few weeks. Nothing was every wrong with them. It was him all along just over thinking every possible action. For being the self-proclaimed “Carefree MoFo” of the group, he was sure obsessive and uptight the last month or so. Niall wished he could just rewind back to that night when he walked in on Louis, Liam and Zayn - that way he could try this again without flying off the handle. Niall wanted to explain away his actions with stress and their schedule but he knew that at the end of the day it was just his own insecurities that bit him hard. Niall knew that no matter how much and how heartfelt the apologies he was planning to whisper and press into their skins would be - it would never be enough.

It was like a glass full of ice water to the face when he realized how much these four lads actually loved him and needed him. He never expected them to be hurting so bad with him gone. He knew how he was feeling and how it was hard at first but he never expected then to be going through the same thing because they have their whole lives here in the UK. They had easy access to their friends and family. But now Niall knew better. They needed him just as much as he needed them, if not more. Because at the end of the day they were in this together. They are in a band together. They grew up together. They are still growing up together and will always be growing up together. Them being put into a group that fateful day was more than the start of what was to be the next big boy band; but the day that they all met their best mates - their soul mates.

Not one of them had any idea how important the others would be in their lives until they met them. The experience opened Niall’s eyes to the fact that these four lads are the reason he is the person he is right now. They are the people they are because of each other. Niall can’t seem to get go of his hold on Harry’s back and his fingers in Zayn’s shirt. He does not want Liam or Louis to move. It’s hard to breathe through all the emotions and warmth but Niall needs for this moment to last. He needs to sear this into his memory for all of time. This feeling of complete harmony needs to be etched into his heart forever.

After countless minutes of just holding one another, they finally collapsed onto the couch. Legs and arms intertwined together; heads resting on one another. Before they all fell asleep, Liam ushered them all to the floor - for the sake of their backs, necks and limbs. Louis, Zayn and Harry appeared with their arms full of pillows and blankets, tossing them all into the center of the living room. Zayn was the first one to shed his jeans and bundle up on the floor. Louis went down right after on the side of Zayn, swinging his leg over Zayn’s hip lazily. Niall crawled over to the pile of inviting bedding and pulled a pillow to his chest and curled up onto his side feeling the exhaustion hit him. If he was honest with himself, the last four weeks had been the worst sleep of his life despite being back in Ireland in his old bed. It never, ever felt right. But now everything was right and exactly how it needed to be. Liam kicked his jeans off to the side as Harry struggled out of his skinny jeans. Liam found himself suppressing a giggle at Harry’s struggle.

Liam moved to the floor and wiggled in between Zayn and Niall, slipping his arm around Zayn’s waist and humming contently feeling Niall’s back pressed against his own. Harry smiled to himself at the sight of his best mates all together and happy. Sliding up next to Niall and slowly lying his head down on a pillow and smiling at Niall who was still awake. Niall smiled back at him sheepishly. Harry shook his head softly as a slight smile pulled at his lips.

“Do you remember that night back at the bungalow when we were all curled up on the floor… a lot like this actually… and we were the only two still awake… you told me you were worried for our judges house performance… and I talked you down?” Harry whispered.

Niall nodded sleepily.

“Do you also remember what I said about this being our dream?” Harry whispered again, still smiling.

“Yeah…” Niall whispered back.

“This is better than our dream.” Harry said dreamily. “Look at everything we have accomplished and where we are now. We did it together… all five of us. We are nothing without each other.” Harry blinked heavily as his smile softened.

Niall felt his throat tighten.

“Good Night Nialler.” Harry purred.

Watching Harry’s face relax against the pillow, it occurred to Niall that Harry was like the ocean. So beautiful and peaceful but if upset, a force to take caution of. There were so many layers to Harry that Niall was positive they were just starting to truly discover. Despite everything that was happening in the world, Harry was always there one way or the other. He was constant. He provided something that they all need - non-judgmental listening. He would hold you and wipe away your tears, absorbing them himself. Harry was essential for the life of them.

Niall blinked his eyes a few times feeling overwhelmed with how much he loves his best mates and truly realizing how much they love him. Whatever they had as a band was beyond words. Niall knew that it would be forever impossible to explain or even understand it. Harry moved under the puffy duvet cover, slipping his hand against Niall’s and interlocking his fingers with Niall’s. Niall shut his eyes just taking in the feeling of Harry’s hand in his, Liam’s back against his, the soft breathing of Zayn and Louis. It was made clear to him that night that he was a vital part of them. Important was an understatement. This was his life. This was where he was meant to be and always wanted to be.