there really is no real way to say this
my mom called me last night with the worst news ever and i will be going to a funeral on saturday.
once upon a time in the beginning of my life, despite the fact that it was just my mom, my sister and i, i feel like i was raised with boys like mowgli was raised by wolves. in my years before kindergarten, while my sister was at school and my mom was at work or school, i was with my baby sitter and a few other kids, loren and joseph. squashing bugs, playing batman and robin, watching sesame street, persuading them to play with my with my my little ponies because the unicorns had horns you could use as a sword. when we got a little older we all shared a teenage mutant ninja turtle obsession and my little-kid logic was so sure that joseph and i were going to get married, whatever that meant.
it's a story i hear myself tell a lot of people, but it's also a story i've heard myself tell people a bunch of times even before this awful event happened. it's a story that feels so right and true and i always love telling it to people. so much of who i am is tied into being rather boyish. i'm so happy to be this way, i don't doubt the person i am today is because of these two kids.
loren went off to different schools and joseph was an incredibly bright kid, i never had any classes with him beyond kindergarten. even though we all ended up back together at the same high school we never really hung out, save for a short reunion after graduation with our old babysitter before heading off to college.
i recently bumped into loren (or rather, judo) and we made a promise to start hanging out more. he was the first person i called after hearing what happened to joseph (or rather, joe)
i feel okay and awful at the same time