(no subject)
i was so nervous today. i wimped out and didn't do my julius caesar lines. but, i am happy to say that i am going 2nd tomorrow. i have to. i already asked the teacher. in second period, i got bored and starting getting really nervous. so i wrote a poem. it is a dramatic representation of my nervousness today. please tell me what you think.
It slowly eats away at my insides as
I stand in the shadows watching, waiting;
All the while praying that somehow they'll just forget me.
Forever realizing that they can't, don't want to, and won't.
My, how it tortures me!
I just want the moment to get here already.
That way I can look back and it will be behind me, forever.
As the day drags on, every second works against me.
There is this constant flutter in my stomach
Whenever I force myself to think of it.
I know that it is up there somewhere;
I repeat it time after time in my head.
But I know that when the moment finally comes,
It will all suddenly disappear as if it were never there to begin with.
The fact that they all experience the same feelings
Doesn't help a bit. Not a single bit, I tell you.
Because inside, I am deteriorating
As I stand in the shadows waiting and watching.
They are all doing so well.
Each one that goes means that the moment is one step closer to arriving.
But suddenly, I am afraid of the moment.
I don't want it to come.
Go away moment, go away!
My heart starts beating faster, I try repeating it in my head,
For fear that I have forgotten it.
It's still there, but my will to get it over with is gone.
I start to stall and create reasons for not going.
"Wait for it, surely one of them will beat you to it. Ah, see? You were right."
Man, that was a good one too.
I will definitely not do that well.
It is as if a slight paralysis has overtaken me
Not allowing me to move even if I wanted to.
Time ticks by. Eventually the time runs out and it's time to go.
I awake, anxious to get the new moment over with.
I can feel everything building up inside of me.
It's finally here, my moment, the moment.
Only one minute away.
I can't, don't want to, and refuse to let myself down. Not again.
Before I know what I'm doing, I hear myself reciting what's up there.
I see now that they have not forgotten me,
But stare intently at me, as though they know exactly what I am going through.
I try to make eye contact, but that only makes things worse.
I focus straight ahead, just trying to get through it.
In the blink of an eye, it's over.
That is it.
All that fear for such a tiny thing like that?
I walk back, head held high.
I did it. I succeeded.
It slowly eats away at my insides as
I stand in the shadows watching, waiting;
All the while praying that somehow they'll just forget me.
Forever realizing that they can't, don't want to, and won't.
My, how it tortures me!
I just want the moment to get here already.
That way I can look back and it will be behind me, forever.
As the day drags on, every second works against me.
There is this constant flutter in my stomach
Whenever I force myself to think of it.
I know that it is up there somewhere;
I repeat it time after time in my head.
But I know that when the moment finally comes,
It will all suddenly disappear as if it were never there to begin with.
The fact that they all experience the same feelings
Doesn't help a bit. Not a single bit, I tell you.
Because inside, I am deteriorating
As I stand in the shadows waiting and watching.
They are all doing so well.
Each one that goes means that the moment is one step closer to arriving.
But suddenly, I am afraid of the moment.
I don't want it to come.
Go away moment, go away!
My heart starts beating faster, I try repeating it in my head,
For fear that I have forgotten it.
It's still there, but my will to get it over with is gone.
I start to stall and create reasons for not going.
"Wait for it, surely one of them will beat you to it. Ah, see? You were right."
Man, that was a good one too.
I will definitely not do that well.
It is as if a slight paralysis has overtaken me
Not allowing me to move even if I wanted to.
Time ticks by. Eventually the time runs out and it's time to go.
I awake, anxious to get the new moment over with.
I can feel everything building up inside of me.
It's finally here, my moment, the moment.
Only one minute away.
I can't, don't want to, and refuse to let myself down. Not again.
Before I know what I'm doing, I hear myself reciting what's up there.
I see now that they have not forgotten me,
But stare intently at me, as though they know exactly what I am going through.
I try to make eye contact, but that only makes things worse.
I focus straight ahead, just trying to get through it.
In the blink of an eye, it's over.
That is it.
All that fear for such a tiny thing like that?
I walk back, head held high.
I did it. I succeeded.