(no subject)
What I am about to say doesn't sound like something people would ever think I would say but oh well...it really is me. It's weird how much another person's live journal entry could inspire you to create your own...
So me and Christy were having an excellent conversation about this: Christy had said something in her live journal entry that just made me want to talk and I said the weirdest things...weird because I actually said it...see Christy u r special!! Well she said she didn't want to just be played around with or cuddled with, but tht she wanted something with meaning. Then I began all saying all this shit that i never knew I'd actually be able to say because sometimes I do like being cuddled with or just playing around and stuff, but it's times when your are sad and you wish so much that you would have someone there for you, someone you could turn to immediately and you tell this to your friends or family and they're all like I'm here you know and you hate to say it but what you really wanted was comfort from someone that you can actually say has meaning, a boyfriend or and other ppl's cases a girlfriend. I mean I know I could turn to anyone of my friends, but sometimes you just wanna be held by someone tht you are with. Sometimes I wish i could just be older and meet the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to deal with this teenage "love" and have to go through how ever many relationships and however many breakups until you finally find that one. It's so hard too because there's so many you thinks out there and can't really say tht you truly love tht person either because you know you are too young to ever know the true meaning of love. I say so many times I can't wait...but I will and I will wait patiently because I don't want to end up making a big mistake tht could cost me the rest of my life and maybe even the rest of another's (like your son or daughter or idk someone else another person). It pisses me off sometimes how everyone's all just doing shit for no meaning at all just cuz it's there and available. It also pisses me off how much people just rely on one person and won't let go...these people stay and stay and always end up getting their hearts broken again and again...it's not woth it at this age especially when these people are wonderful people who just don't realize how lucky they are to be such a great person. Maybe it's not happening fast enough I know, but it will come eventually. The mutual relationship, maybe not even ur true love but a good relationship you jsut have to wait for tht time. It's not worth it to waste away your life to one person at this age...it really isn't. But then again I really shouldn't be talking people will say cuz I've never been in a real relationship. I've just heard of these things and seen some of these types of things happen. I've always thought that the coolest and best people will have the hardest time with these sort of things because they want meaning and mutual feelings but in the end they will end up the happiest because they will ahve taken the time to find tht one person and not just take the easy and quickest way. Ok yea wow i think im actually done. Today was an ineteresting day for this sort of thing. I had many ideas pop in my head and discussions about things i wish it was all written down or i had the time to write about them so i could at least read them to myself and build up the courage to be able to talk about it in public and freely. I feel so locked up but I'm just too afraid to let things out like tht. I dont know wow yea I wish i had more time stupid ass homework to deal with... and i need to get some sleep i really do...